Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

Gremlinertia

NMHS wrote: »

Hi!
New here, diagnosed PTSD, depression, severe anxiety. Have suffered for quite a few years. On a shed load of pills having tried most of them, finally keeping me stable enough to function though not free of the symptoms which are difficult to deal with to say the least.
I sympathise with veganrun, I wake from nightmares several times a night, usually about an hour and a half to two hours apart and very often sweating profusely. In fact I sympathise with all here who suffer.
43, married with two girls, 12 and 6. My wife is very understanding thankfully, I'd be lost without her support. My kids are wonderful and the centre of my world. I don't go out very much.
Tried CBT, group, psychologist; didn't really help. I see a different doctor every time I go in to the local Mental Health Services, I assume they are students but at this stage I think they are just being told by the head guy to review and prescribe, seems that's all that can be done which is disheartening. Feeling a bit wobbly today but this too shall pass. Hope I can contribute something here.

Welcome

It's great to see someone who has good family support. How long are you getting treatment, can take bloody ages to get anywhere, also i share your frustration when seeing local outpatient service, different reg's on student rotation happens a lot to me too. :mad:
Hopefully this thread will help support you too, it's been nearly my second home for some years now.

jsms88

Welcome. Im only on this forum with a few weeks but his thread can be very comforting. It's like a little community of people who understand.

jsms88

snowflaker wrote: »

Feeling you have wasted days away by doing nothing with them

In my experience, doing nothing can be a great way to spend time off. Taking some time to stay in bed late, watch tv, browse phone, listen to music, etc. is important I think.

caniask86

Hard a really tough week. Feeling down and full of anxiety. 2 weeks on zoloft not kicked in yet. Trying to be patient but its so hard.

I had a horrible health scare, they found something on my lungs via a normal xray and you can just imagine already suffering from anxiety and getting that news, I had to get a CT with Contrast to see if it was something bad. Turns out I have a chest infection but the wait and fear didnt help my mental health.

I am also waiting on a stomach scope and its so hard to not keep focusing on negative.

NMHS

Welcome

It's great to see someone who has good family support. How long are you getting treatment, can take bloody ages to get anywhere, also i share your frustration when seeing local outpatient service, different reg's on student rotation happens a lot to me too. :mad:
Hopefully this thread will help support you too, it's been nearly my second home for some years now.
I'm receiving treatment since 2006. I have to assume that if I were going to improve dramatically or to any great extent, I would have done so by now. That realisation came as a strange relief in that it prompted me to accept that I was likely to be on my meds for the rest of my days and that this was my new reality, I simply needed to adapt to it.
I understand that that thought may be anathema to some or most who might read this but it should not be taken by any that my particular situation applies to them. Each of our situations are entirely unique. I'm just learning to accept my illness finally. It's not ideal but it is my reality.
I recently read on the font of all information, Wikipedia, of a contentious hypothesis called Depressive Realism. The main criticism of this was that there was no standard of reality which I thought was something worth pondering deeply. I've been thinking about it a lot lately.
Thank you for your welcome and to all those who liked my earlier post, it lends a sense of acceptance. Group work always just stressed me out but this does not even though it's kinda the same principal.

jsms88 wrote: »

In my experience, doing nothing can be a great way to spend time off. Taking some time to stay in bed late, watch tv, browse phone, listen to music, etc. is important I think.

It seems to me that watching good tv when you can concentrate on it or listening to good music allows you to either escape your illness for a while or in the case of music, explore it, very often other people have thought of the perfect way to express how you are feeling before you have.

NMHS

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Welcome

It's great to see someone who has good family support. How long are you getting treatment, can take bloody ages to get anywhere, also i share your frustration when seeing local outpatient service, different reg's on student rotation happens a lot to me too. :mad:
Hopefully this thread will help support you too, it's been nearly my second home for some years now.

I'm receiving treatment since 2006. I have to assume that if I were going to improve dramatically or to any great extent, I would have done so by now. That realisation came as a strange relief in that it prompted me to accept that I was likely to be on my meds for the rest of my days and that this was my new reality, I simply needed to adapt to it.
I understand that that thought may be anathema to some or most who might read this but it should not be taken by any that my particular situation applies to them. Each of our situations are entirely unique. I'm just learning to accept my illness finally. It's not ideal but it is my reality.
I recently read on the font of all information, Wikipedia, of a contentious hypothesis called Depressive Realism. The main criticism of this was that there was no standard of reality which I thought was something worth pondering deeply. I've been thinking about it a lot lately.
Thank you for your welcome and to all those who liked my earlier post, it lends a sense of acceptance. Group work always just stressed me out but this does not even though it's kinda the same principal.

jsms88 wrote: »

snowflaker wrote: »

Feeling you have wasted days away by doing nothing with them

In my experience, doing nothing can be a great way to spend time off. Taking some time to stay in bed late, watch tv, browse phone, listen to music, etc. is important I think.

It seems to me that watching good tv when you can concentrate on it or listening to good music allows you to either escape your illness for a while or in the case of music, explore it, very often other people have thought of the perfect way to express how you are feeling before you have.

NMHS

Sorry folks, I'm new here and haven't quite figured out the posting/editing thing, I do apologise for double posting.

Gremlinertia

We were all new once too

Like you, i'm fairly certain i will also be on medication for life, i don't think i've ever been too bothered by that though, some people have medical issues for life, diabetes is an example i think of, that require monitoring and/or treatment.

veganrun

My review is this week, my manager just moved it forward by 30 mins so it's almost first thing on Friday. I'm starting to get a bit paranoid about it now. Everyone else on my team had theirs last week and mine is not until the end of this week. It has me starting to wonder if they are going to sack me or something. I know my manager has nearly 30 people to review so it's taking time but someone on the team said why didn't they do everyone on the team at the same time. Maybe mine is last as it's going to be bad and they don't want me spreading negativity to the others before they had theirs.

There could be others that my manager has not reviewed yet, I'm not sure.

RubyXI

I keep wanting to buy myself expensive things. Retail Therapy. I don't have any other ideas.

Tell me how

phi3 wrote:

I keep wanting to buy myself expensive things. Retail Therapy. I don't have any other ideas.

Pick something you'd really like and then tell yourself you're going to buy it in 2, 3 or 4 weeks maybe.
Tell yourself it's a reward for keeping trying to do the right things to help your health.
If it works, it might motivate and limit spurious purchases.

Trebor176

I have relapsed, somewhat. I have had feelings for someone for a long time, and being rejected after a second date early last year hit me extremely hard. In January, I felt so low, and blamed her for how I felt. I hadn't been in touch with her for a good while prior to that. With what happened in January, I knew I needed to see someone, and got a counselling session. I thought I felt better after it, and didn't feel like I needed more sessions. Even though she has been on my mind everyday since, there were times when I barely thought about her.

Now, feelings for her have come back strong. I have just hoped that she could come back into my life again, despite how bad things may have got. She made it more or less clear that she wanted nothing more to do with me. So, it looks like I will need to go back to counselling. I was told that feelings and obsessive thoughts can take many sessions. I just don't feel that I will need so many. It may just take someone new coming into my life to put all these thoughts to the back of my mind. I really hate how I'm feeling, and how I have let all this get to me so much. There is the frustration too about the fact that I lost her, and will unlikely ever hear from or see her again.

milli milli

Trebor176 wrote: »

It may just take someone new coming into my life to put all these thoughts to the back of my mind. I really hate how I'm feeling, and how I have let all this get to me so much.

Try not to be so hard on yourself. The very idea that someone can come into our life and bring sunshine and kiss away all the pain and be the very panacea of all our ills is a very tempting idea. And the death of that idea can be devastating.

But it is only an idea. Sure there is that lovely bubble of the honeymoon period, but reality does intervene at some stage and you realise they are a flawed person life yourself, with problems too and they can't fix your problems no matter what they do.

So it's ok to be upset, and don't deny what you're feeling or feel ashamed. But happiness comes from within. It's a hard lesson to learn but it will stand to you.

milli milli

jsms88 wrote: »

It's the unknown factor that cripples me. I have a good day and I get into bed and I say to myself that I hope I don't wake up anxious. It's like a constant fear that I'm going to fall back into it at any moment.

Yes it's so hard to predict. At the moment I feel ok, and I think I'll be ok for the time being. But tomorrow is a different day.

I wonder if instead of saying 'I hope I don't wake up anxious' - why not focus on the good day you had. Say 'thank you for the good day today' and list 3 things you're grateful for.
It's the gratitude thing. I really feel it's a mindshift. I practise this all the time and I find it helps.

Now obviously there are days you can't summon the energy to be grateful when you can't even get out of bed. And last week I felt so hopeless and couldn't do this.
But on the good days, try and focus on the good if you can. Don't be polluting the good days with bad thoughts, if you can help it.
I don't have anxiety so forgive me if I'm not being understanding. I'm just speaking from a depression point of view. I think anxiety-sufferers may have difficulty with this? Forgive me, if that's the case.

milli milli

milli milli wrote: »

So it's ok to be upset, and don't deny what you're feeling or feel ashamed. But happiness comes from within. It's a hard lesson to learn but it will stand to you.

I couldn't agree with you more milli.

Trebor it's not healthy to fixate so strongly on another person. Not having your affections met is painful no doubt about that. I've been there more times than I care to dwell on. But you know what? It is absolutely zero reflection on who you are as a person.

Go back to counselling and this time give it some time. This kind of stuff can take a long while to unpack.

Trebor176

milli milli wrote: »

Try not to be so hard on yourself. The very idea that someone can come into our life and bring sunshine and kiss away all the pain and be the very panacea of all our ills is a very tempting idea. And the death of that idea can be devastating.

But it is only an idea. Sure there is that lovely bubble of the honeymoon period, but reality does intervene at some stage and you realise they are a flawed person life yourself, with problems too and they can't fix your problems no matter what they do.

So it's ok to be upset, and don't deny what you're feeling or feel ashamed. But happiness comes from within. It's a hard lesson to learn but it will stand to you.

Deleted User wrote: »

I couldn't agree with you more milli.

Trebor it's not healthy to fixate so strongly on another person. Not having your affections met is painful no doubt about that. I've been there more times than I care to dwell on. But you know what? It is absolutely zero reflection on who you are as a person.

Go back to counselling and this time give it some time. This kind of stuff can take a long while to unpack.

Thank you both for those words. I have been rejected many times over the last number of years, and once or twice it hit me hard. But, this has been a whole lot more difficult to get past.

I know that it's unhealthy to be fixated on someone. I knew I went too far, hence deciding that I needed help. But, I should probably have just stuck with the counselling earlier on, and not think that it helped me enough to feel that I didn't need to go back. That session really lifted a load off my mind.

Nobody close to me has any idea of what I am going through, bar a friend or two. Because of the nature of things, and the trouble that developed as a result, I don't want my family to know, and about the counselling. My family are great, but for my parents, I wouldn't want to put more worry on them.

crispycrisps

This is probably a silly question but I guess others on here may have gone through the same.

Last week at my doctors appointment, my GP advised to take "me time" and consider rejoining the workforce in 6 months time.

I left my job at the start of the year and currently on jobseekers benefit. I have been looking for a job but I don't know if I'd be in the frame of mind to start a new job.

So I'm unsure if i should stay on my jobseekers payment or switch to illness payment, what are others doing if they are out of work due their depression

jsms88

milli milli wrote: »

Yes it's so hard to predict. At the moment I feel ok, and I think I'll be ok for the time being. But tomorrow is a different day.

I wonder if instead of saying 'I hope I don't wake up anxious' - why not focus on the good day you had. Say 'thank you for the good day today' and list 3 things you're grateful for.
It's the gratitude thing. I really feel it's a mindshift. I practise this all the time and I find it helps.

Now obviously there are days you can't summon the energy to be grateful when you can't even get out of bed. And last week I felt so hopeless and couldn't do this.
But on the good days, try and focus on the good if you can. Don't be polluting the good days with bad thoughts, if you can help it.
I don't have anxiety so forgive me if I'm not being understanding. I'm just speaking from a depression point of view. I think anxiety-sufferers may have difficulty with this? Forgive me, if that's the case.

Thanks. I really like this advice. It's easier said than done of course, like much in life, but I'll try to remember it.

Stonedpilot

If you are up and functioning you making an effort.

I have met depressed people (and know from experience) that will not get out of bed for days on end. Walking to the kitchen is an effort and crying for hours is normal.
The day is too daunting. Knew people who openly admitted pissing into jars/bottles etc as couldn't be arsed going to bathroom such was the extent of their depression. These might have been highly educated people which makes it worse as intelligent people always assume they can 'think' their way out of it and this can make it worse.

Anyway

veganrun

Anxiety is up this morning. Had some bad dreams which left me feeling stressed when I woke and now the health anxiety has kicked in. Then I start to think bad things are going to happen as I somehow deserve it for any bad stuff I've done in the past.

Tell me how

veganrun wrote:

Anxiety is up this morning. Had some bad dreams which left me feeling stressed when I woke and now the health anxiety has kicked in. Then I start to think bad things are going to happen as I somehow deserve it for any bad stuff I've done in the past.

Have you ever had any luck with mindfulness or breathing exercises veganrun?

I think you understand/recognize the triggers for some of your anxious moments (bad dreams in this instance) and know that they are not really world facts.

I'm wondering if such practices could help settle your mind in the anxious moment.
They don't take long and can be done while doing other things also.

Such tools work for some, maybe you've tried them and found they're not for you. It's very easy for someone else to say "Do this". I'm not trying to suggest it's straight forward.

veganrun

Tbh I don't think I've ever tried mindfulness. If my anxiety gets really high I try some breathing exercises, in through my nose for 4 seconds then out through my mouth for 4 seconds. Kinda helps a bit.

I read a quote there on FB that said "I've got 99 problems but 86 are completely made up in my head and not logical and I'm stressing about them unnecessarily". But if course my brain went "Ah ha, that still leaves a few that aren't made up and what you are worrying about falls into that category".

I've also remembered that I have my mid year review at work tomorrow morning first thing. Had mostly forgotten about it but it's popped back into my mind now. Most everyone else have had theirs and they mostly went ok. I'm not really expecting anything too bad (unlike the last time which came true) but you just never know.

trixiebust

You're not alone with the bad sleeping patterns. I'm constantly still getting severe night sweats. Trying to tell my doctor it's anxiety related, she's not convinced, so I have a chest x-ray in the hospital this morning.

Recently changed my doctor, but she seems worse than my last. I swore once, not even directed at her, during my last appointment. She castigated me like I was a two year old child, " I won't have that in my surgery".
As stupid as it sounds, I feel I have to convince this doctor, about how ill I actually feel, seems like she doesn't believe me or something.

Weird small things like this, are actually making me more & not less anxious.

trixiebust

veganrun wrote:

I've also remembered that I have my mid year review at work tomorrow morning first thing. Had mostly forgotten about it but it's popped back into my mind now. Most everyone else have had theirs and they mostly went ok. I'm not really expecting anything too bad (unlike the last time which came true) but you just never know.

Good luck with your review

veganrun

My mood is still a bit off now that I'm into work. The stupidest things can set me off. I was just getting changed for work and I heard some alarm beep a couple of times. I immediately started to think "oh crap, it's a carbon monoxide leak or the boiler is in trouble". This is despite the fact that no alarms went off, it sounded like the beeps a smoke alarm makes when the battery needs changing. By the time I had got dressed and looked at them, they had stopped. I immediately started thinking "oh well here we go, so much for trying to settle down here, will have to move".

It's like when I get the crazy worrying it's like I have some sort of process to go through in my head, or a series of steps before I eventually calm down. It doesn't matter how many times I have overreacted before, I can never use that as comfort and say to myself "do you remember when you freaked out over X and it was grand". It's almost as if those previous freak outs never happened and they provide no comfort mostly because this time it seems like it will be "different" or real this time.

RubyXI

How can you feel like your life is terrible but when someone asks what the problem is you can't actually name one. That's not right. Is that insanity or selfishness...

Tell me how

phi3 wrote:

How can you feel like your life is terrible but when someone asks what the problem is you can't actually name one. That's not right. Is that insanity or selfishness...

No. It's neither. Sometimes there isn't a physical/tangible problem which can be described or named. That doesn't mean everything is OK.

Also, even if there is a problem, it can be easier not discussing it than trying to explain to someone who doesn't understand. In this case, we just say things are fine.

Gremlinertia

It's an illness, it doesn't need reasons, you can't tell broken bones to pull themselves together or what's wrong, it just is.. Unfortunately because it's invisible a lot of people just don't 'get' it.. I know people who still can't figure out diabetes for instance.. Best off saying I'm fine as poster above said and speaking to people who understand better..

1moo345

Just realised today that I have been out of work and on medication for a year now.... I have gained weight and feel bad about myself. I had been doing very well but today I am bawling. I started therapy a month ago and don't see many benefits. I have to wanted to go to college for the last seven years.. Finally had the confidence to do it this year after feeling better. Now I am questioning everything. I am feeling terrible again, what if it impacts the next four years? I don't have any income and my partner pays for every single thing, so I feel like a sponge. I can't do another four years of not being hired, no help from SW, no job prospects. I just wanna crawl up and die right now. I wish I wasn't doing better, it gives you a taste of being normal then it's snatched away. Just needed a rant.

veganrun

My review at work is first thing tomorrow morning. I hope it goes ok. I'm not dreading it as much as the last one but who knows what way these things might go.