Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

jsms88

How is everyone doing today?

I'm really struggling. My head is running around in circles. It's a combination of worrying about non-existent health problems and running over mistakes I've made in the past.

Either way, both lead me to the conclusion that something terrible is inevitable and my life will be ruined no matter what I do now!

Why does this have to happen? Why couldn't I just be normal??

Shpudnik

I'm not too bad today either. I'm beginning to like this feeling. No idea how long it will last though.

trixiebust

Hope everyone's doing ok tonight. Suffering badly here with the man flu, since yesterday.
Must have gone through hundreds of tissues already

Mind is so foggy from the flu, it's like I've no headspace to worry about anything else. Physically crap, but mentally ok. Weird.

Hugo Stiglitz

jsms88 wrote: »

How is everyone doing today?

I'm really struggling. My head is running around in circles. It's a combination of worrying about non-existent health problems and running over mistakes I've made in the past.

Either way, both lead me to the conclusion that something terrible is inevitable and my life will be ruined no matter what I do now!

Why does this have to happen? Why couldn't I just be normal??

Sorry to hear that, J.

Worrying about past mistakes usually gets us nowhere unfortunately. It'd be great to be able to file away those memories and then set the filing cabinet on fire!

Shpudnik wrote: »

I'm not too bad today either. I'm beginning to like this feeling. No idea how long it will last though.

Try to hold onto the good feeling and reflect on its affects. Use it to try coax your mind back when you're feeling shïtty. Enjoy it! It'll come back to you again and again, hopefully for much longer too.

trixiebust wrote: »

Hope everyone's doing ok tonight. Suffering badly here with the man flu, since yesterday.
Must have gone through hundreds of tissues already

Mind is so foggy from the flu, it's like I've no headspace to worry about anything else. Physically crap, but mentally ok. Weird.

Argh Hope it passes soon, TB. I hate when that strikes. :mad:

jsms88

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Sorry to hear that, J.

Worrying about past mistakes usually gets us nowhere unfortunately. It'd be great to be able to file away those memories and then set the filing cabinet on fire!

They would be great! And I know it's in the past and I should leave it there and move on. But when my head starts looking for things to worry about and get me down.... as it does, for some reason.... it drags up the mistakes again.

Hugo Stiglitz

jsms88 wrote: »

They would be great! And I know it's in the past and I should leave it there and move on. But when my head starts looking for things to worry about and get me down.... as it does, for some reason.... it drags up the mistakes again.

Unfortunately it's easier said than done! I'm absolutely guilty of doing it myself.

jigglypuffstuff

jsms88 wrote: »

How is everyone doing today?

I'm really struggling. My head is running around in circles. It's a combination of worrying about non-existent health problems and running over mistakes I've made in the past.

Either way, both lead me to the conclusion that something terrible is inevitable and my life will be ruined no matter what I do now!

Why does this have to happen? Why couldn't I just be normal??

I feel you...the same thought permeates my existence, I call it having a pain in my life!

Head up, things will get better

jsms88

pone2012 wrote: »

Head up, things will get better

I hope so. Regret is a terrible burden.

jigglypuffstuff

Indeed it is

A nice way of thinking about it is the following, after you drink the cup of tea.. You don't carry the cup around with you everywhere you go

Thats what I try to focus on when past issues arise

jsms88

pone2012 wrote: »

Indeed it is

A nice way of thinking about it is the following, after you drink the cup of tea.. You don't carry the cup around with you everywhere you go

Thats what I try to focus on when past issues arise

Thanks. That's very good. I'll try to remember that.

It gets particularly bad when I'm idle. I'm usually ok when I'm busy but as soon as my brain gets some down time, off it goes, looking for problems.

I can't distinguish anymore between genuine things worth worrying about and silly things that I shouldn't give a seconds thought to. It can be very frustrating and confusing.

inca2

I was diagnosed with inflammatory bowel disease just over three weeks ago (ulcerative colitis vs. Crohn's yet to be determined). My symptoms have been an ongoing issue for well over a year and a half and definitely contributed massively to my depression as my GP just wasn't taking me seriously. Finally getting myself sorted with an excellent consultant now. However, I'm moving back to college in just over a week. I've spent the summer at home, with my family, and working with an incredible group of colleagues who have been unbelievably supportive. So things have been ok. I've been managing with the diagnosis quite well. Yes, I'm going back to friends and other familiar faces in college but I am absolutely terrified. I don't think anyone is going to understand fully and I think the reality of my chronic and serious illness just hasn't hit me yet either. I've been kept busy and once I go back to college, there will probably be a lot of time by myself - studying in the library etc. The fear of loneliness to come is a little crippling Frustrated because mentally, I had been doing pretty well after almost 4 months on medication.

jsms88

inca2 wrote: »

I was diagnosed with inflammatory bowel disease just over three weeks ago (ulcerative colitis vs. Crohn's yet to be determined). My symptoms have been an ongoing issue for well over a year and a half and definitely contributed massively to my depression as my GP just wasn't taking me seriously. Finally getting myself sorted with an excellent consultant now. However, I'm moving back to college in just over a week. I've spent the summer at home, with my family, and working with an incredible group of colleagues who have been unbelievably supportive. So things have been ok. I've been managing with the diagnosis quite well. Yes, I'm going back to friends and other familiar faces in college but I am absolutely terrified. I don't think anyone is going to understand fully and I think the reality of my chronic and serious illness just hasn't hit me yet either. I've been kept busy and once I go back to college, there will probably be a lot of time by myself - studying in the library etc. The fear of loneliness to come is a little crippling Frustrated because mentally, I had been doing pretty well after almost 4 months on medication.

I don't know much about your condition so excuse my ignorance but you should try not to let it define you. You say you're scared your friends won't understand but is it something you even need to tell your friends about on day one? Is it something they will notice? If you've had it for a year and a half, I'm guessing not. Just continue as normal in that regard.

Fear of loneliness is horrific. I dread something happening that will leave me alone with no one to talk to. The thought of being rejected by people is horrible. It doesn't sound like that's your problem though. You seem to be suggesting a sort of self-imposed isolation in the library. You have to balance study and sociability. You should pack up the study for a few days if you feel it's making you mentally unwell. Getting out and having fun is part of college too.... one I didn't fully embrace and I regret it now.

Shpudnik

My good mood from the last few days has been absolutely shattered today

jsms88

Shpudnik wrote: »

My good mood from the last few days has been absolutely shattered today

Sorry to hear that. What's up?

Shpudnik

jsms88 wrote: »

Sorry to hear that. What's up?

I was in a very stressful situation in relation to work.

Things have improved since then though and I'm feeling better.

Shpudnik

jsms88 wrote: »

Sorry to hear that. What's up?

I was in a very stressful situation in relation to work.

Things have improved since then though and I'm feeling better.

Shpudnik

Shpudnik wrote: »

I was in a very stressful situation in relation to work.

Things have improved since then though and I'm feeling better.

And since then I've completely lost my ****.

trixiebust

Shpudnik wrote: »

Shpudnik wrote: »

I was in a very stressful situation in relation to work.

Things have improved since then though and I'm feeling better.

And since then I've completely lost my ****.

Sorry to hear that Shpudnik. There's times I feel great for a few hours, then the slightest trigger sends me crashing down again.
Don't be too hard on yourself, this is a great place to vent, whenever you're pissed off

stop animal cruelty

The days are feeling too long for me. Woke up this morning and my first feeling was dread. Dread. Why have things turned out like this. Next 2 weeks will be tough cause my counsellor is away. And l seem to be drifting away from my "friends".
I dont have it worse than others, but l think lm starting to struggle. Dread and loneliness is a toxic mixture.

stop animal cruelty

inca2 wrote:

I was diagnosed with inflammatory bowel disease just over three weeks ago (ulcerative colitis vs. Crohn's yet to be determined). My symptoms have been an ongoing issue for well over a year and a half and definitely contributed massively to my depression as my GP just wasn't taking me seriously. Finally getting myself sorted with an excellent consultant now. However, I'm moving back to college in just over a week. I've spent the summer at home, with my family, and working with an incredible group of colleagues who have been unbelievably supportive. So things have been ok. I've been managing with the diagnosis quite well. Yes, I'm going back to friends and other familiar faces in college but I am absolutely terrified. I don't think anyone is going to understand fully and I think the reality of my chronic and serious illness just hasn't hit me yet either. I've been kept busy and once I go back to college, there will probably be a lot of time by myself - studying in the library etc. The fear of loneliness to come is a little crippling Frustrated because mentally, I had been doing pretty well after almost 4 months on medication.

Why do you think you will be lonely? Im sure if you just tell people you have been quiet ill, they would be understanding.

La.de.da

inca2 wrote: »

I was diagnosed with inflammatory bowel disease just over three weeks ago (ulcerative colitis vs. Crohn's yet to be determined). My symptoms have been an ongoing issue for well over a year and a half and definitely contributed massively to my depression as my GP just wasn't taking me seriously. Finally getting myself sorted with an excellent consultant now. However, I'm moving back to college in just over a week. I've spent the summer at home, with my family, and working with an incredible group of colleagues who have been unbelievably supportive. So things have been ok. I've been managing with the diagnosis quite well. Yes, I'm going back to friends and other familiar faces in college but I am absolutely terrified. I don't think anyone is going to understand fully and I think the reality of my chronic and serious illness just hasn't hit me yet either. I've been kept busy and once I go back to college, there will probably be a lot of time by myself - studying in the library etc. The fear of loneliness to come is a little crippling Frustrated because mentally, I had been doing pretty well after almost 4 months on medication.

I have IBD (colitis) it can seem scary and daunting at first, but honestly for me it's a matter of managing the condition and looking after my diet and stress levels.

Can you maybe turn it around, and look on the new college year as a fresh start? Have a look and see is there any classes or a hobby that takes your fancy, even if it's an hour or two a week. It would break the week up and give an outlet.

I'm glad you have a good consultant. It's a relief to have their support.

jsms88

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

Dread and loneliness is a toxic mixture.

I couldn't agree more. Dread and loneliness (and even more frustratingly, the fear of both) can be very difficult to live with. I haven't figured out how to do it.

Hugo Stiglitz

jsms88 wrote: »

I couldn't agree more. Dread and loneliness (and even more frustratingly, the fear of both) can be very difficult to live with. I haven't figured out how to do it.

Me neither, J. Not sure if I ever will to be honest.

Gremlinertia

I still have a big problem with sundays, i'm in my late thirties and i didn't really hate school or anything, just this sunday evening dread. It's bizarre because it's part of my work week so it's not the 'glenroes' as someone so wonderfully named them.. I am still very lonely in myself, mostly i manage but despair/dread is a blink away at any time..

Tell me how

Friday evenings used to be the difficult time for me. The thoughts of loneliness over next 2 days and the fact that I wasn't going to be experiencing what others were was crippling.
Sunday night, I'd be in good form because I was about to go back into my comfort zone.
Mirror image of most people's experience.

inca2

Thankfully, my friends at college are aware of my illness so that part has been dealt with. I've just been quite lucky since my diagnosis last month to have been surrounded by people who just get it - the pain I'm in, the frustrations, the uncertainty that lies ahead, how my symptoms limit me... and I don't think I'm going to have that same support somehow. A bit of a "deal with it" kind of mentality wouldn't be uncommon. It's just very much an every man for himself sort of environment, which is understandable. It's a graduate course where everyone just wants to succeed, it's very intense. Just being physically far from home and from my consultant is going to be tough too. I'm still attempting to get into remission and am facing a hospital stay next week to hopefully push me in the right direction.

The social side of things is also going to have to change massively for me - alcohol is out entirely and although it wouldn't have been a massive feature of college life previously, I think it might be slightly isolating. I know if I go out with a group, I'll give in and say what the hell, but know that I'll regret it for days afterwards. So avoiding those situations might be best for now.

Trying to approach this day by day for now - I think it's my only option, it would be too daunting otherwise.

7 Seconds...

inca2 wrote: »

The social side of things is also going to have to change massively for me - alcohol is out entirely and although it wouldn't have been a massive feature of college life previously, I think it might be slightly isolating. I know if I go out with a group, I'll give in and say what the hell, but know that I'll regret it for days afterwards. So avoiding those situations might be best for now.

Trying to approach this day by day for now - I think it's my only option, it would be too daunting otherwise.

Best of luck with everything. Just on the social side of things, be careful you don't isolate yourself too much. And not to make drinking a big thing, but when I am in situation where I can't drink but everyone else is, I will often ask for my drink in a pint glass and it does kinda make me feel a bit less of an outsider and can sometimes encourage me to socialize more.

Foweva Awone

Things are really bad for me at the moment. It's been a horrible, chaotic week.

May 2015 was when I was first admitted to hospital as an inpatient, I was discharged last Monday and it looks like I'll very soon be heading into another three-month stint of residential care. In those 2+ years I've spent more time as an inpatient than not.

I don't enjoy it. I'm doing my best to get better, and I know I'm getting closer all the time. Why is it so much harder for me than most though?

I also know I'm very lucky to be getting the help I've gotten too, though. I know plenty others suffer just as badly and aren't so lucky.

Foweva Awone

Christ though, I'd be screwed without health insurance. For anyone suffering with mental health issues, I'd prioritise it above cars, a roof over your head, absolutely anything!

It's St Pats I've spent a lot of my time in and I've the most fantastically amazing consultant there who I'd see at least once a week (when an in-patient, every couple of months on the outside.) I'd see a counsellor twice a week, a psychologist maybe once a week, OT on occasion when it was warranted, and the nursing staff are absolutely unreal - and there is no issue with understaffing etc. Plus of course lots of groups (led by counsellors) and lectures etc. I've been very lucky, I know I'd be dead long ago if it weren't for that place.

And having said that, with a couple of A&E admissions recently, the staff were really good and caring and non-judgemental. I guess it's the long-term follow-up care that the public system lacks in. What good is an appointment with a psychiatrist in 3 months when you're not sure you'll make it to the end of the day?

Gremlinertia

Very despairing this evening. Huge, huge mood crash. Hard to physically keep my head up..