Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

Gremlinertia

It seems a lot of us are ruminating/thinking to ourselves at the moment, coincidence or?. I'm very aware of how simple things can effect me and so i know the miserable weather i woke up to and commuted to work to didn't help and i've been spiraling down slowly over the course of the night. Very unusual for me as i usually cycle quite rapidly.

Hugo Stiglitz

Deleted User wrote: »

An assesment will be made by a psychiatrist to see if there is something going on other than clinical depression.
But. Remember that you are not a label. You are a person

I was assessed years ago and was diagnosed with clinical depression. Before that, I was being treated "just" for anxiety but the low moods gradually became worse.
I'll firmly request them to reassess me.

Last time I was at my clinic, it was suggested that I think about counselling. If everyone is saying it to me, maybe I do really need it so!

Thanks for the kind words, P. Sometimes just the tiniest things can be so appreciated. x

Wilberto wrote: »

Do you ever feel like your time here is slowly coming to an end?


Was out tonight on a "stag" and I'm just unsure if I can do it anymore. I mean, if I'm not out then I want to be out, but if I'm out then I just want to be at home hiding myself away. I feel like I'm never ever going to be who I want to be and frankly that's just not good enough for me anymore. I just don't know what to do.

*hugs*

I could have written that myself, W.

From our interactions on here, you come across as a lovely person, and are very talented. You might feel right now that you'll never be what you want to be, but things change. Those kind of thoughts aren't the real you. The depression inside us is a sadistic coward who wants to drag us down with it, but we can't let it.

Gremlinertia wrote: »

It seems a lot of us are ruminating/thinking to ourselves at the moment, coincidence or?. I'm very aware of how simple things can effect me and so i know the miserable weather i woke up to and commuted to work to didn't help and i've been spiraling down slowly over the course of the night. Very unusual for me as i usually cycle quite rapidly.

The tiniest of things are setting me off on a spiral of emotions and ruminating lately.

I really hope that it passes soon there, Grem.

I wonder if the gradual change of the season (nights becoming noticeably dark earlier etc) is just enough of a kick to set things off for us.

veganrun

It's amazing how my brain catastrophises. I was on the phone to BT changing my billing plan then a short while later got a text saying I had changed my password and if I didn't, to logon and change it. I immediately got paranoid so I logged on to my account on the computer and changed the password. I phoned BT and the guy seemed to think it was a spam/scam text and said I did the right thing in changing the password and not calling or replying to the text or clicking the link. I'm not sure I totally believed him but he said I didn't need to do anything else.

Of course my brain goes into overdrive wanting to completely close all my online accounts for everything and I was having flashes of having my identity stolen, bank account cleared, life ruined etc.

Ugh. Sometimes I just want to go back to simpler times and be disconnected from all these online things.

Hugo Stiglitz

veganrun wrote: »

It's amazing how my brain catastrophises. I was on the phone to BT changing my billing plan then a short while later got a text saying I had changed my password and if I didn't, to logon and change it. I immediately got paranoid so I logged on to my account on the computer and changed the password. I phoned BT and the guy seemed to think it was a spam/scam text and said I did the right thing in changing the password and not calling or replying to the text or clicking the link. I'm not sure I totally believed him but he said I didn't need to do anything else.

Of course my brain goes into overdrive wanting to completely close all my online accounts for everything and I was having flashes of having my identity stolen, bank account cleared, life ruined etc.

Ugh. Sometimes I just want to go back to simpler times and be disconnected from all these online things.

Sorry to hear that happened to you, VR.

Try to keep in mind that there are lots of security precautions in place to halt anything like that happening. I've twice been the victim of credit card fraud, but when I called the bank they immediately knew that was fraud, and I had the debt cleared.

I hope your brain calms down there soon, my friend.

veganrun

Cheers man, thanks.  It's just weird the way the brain works.  I wonder if I was always like this (catastrophising) but I'm just so much more aware of it now.  I know I have always been a worrier, ever since I was a child.  But since things went bad in 2012 and I got bad anxiety and panic attacks, I seem to be so much more aware of it.

Anyway I've deleted a few accounts, twitter, instagram etc.  Stuff I don't use much and which is a time waste anyway.  Just need to get off Facebook now!

Hugo Stiglitz

veganrun wrote: »

Cheers man, thanks.  It's just weird the way the brain works.  I wonder if I was always like this (catastrophising) but I'm just so much more aware of it now.  I know I have always been a worrier, ever since I was a child.  But since things went bad in 2012 and I got bad anxiety and panic attacks, I seem to be so much more aware of it.

Anyway I've deleted a few accounts, twitter, instagram etc.  Stuff I don't use much and which is a time waste anyway.  Just need to get off Facebook now!

I've often thought the same myself about catastrophising. Looking back over my childhood and teenage years, I was always anxious as hell.

There's no harm in cutting down on some of those things. You can always get them back if you need to.

Facebook can be handy for keeping in touch with friends. If you do delete it, just try not to isolate yourself from people too much.

veganrun

I've just moved the app so I hopefully don't log into it as much.

I didn't have a great nights sleep either and this whole password thing has put me into a bad frame of mind where I'm feeling down. Then I start feeling guilty for things like not spending more time at home as I came back yesterday when I could have came back today. Had I done that I might not have been as worried and I wouldn't have chipped the car windscreen either (happened yesterday on the way back). And ironically I can't login to my insurance account to see if the repair is going to be covered as I can't remember the password and the password reset email didn't come through.

I often feel like I just have to ride these low spells out and wait to rebound. The problem is if they happen at the wrong time, I just don't want to do anything and want to be left alone. Kind of feel like I can't make big plans as what if something happens that spirals me down then I will feel overwhelmed and won't want to do it.

Hugo Stiglitz

veganrun wrote: »

I've just moved the app so I hopefully don't log into it as much.

I didn't have a great nights sleep either and this whole password thing has put me into a bad frame of mind where I'm feeling down. Then I start feeling guilty for things like not spending more time at home as I came back yesterday when I could have came back today. Had I done that I might not have been as worried and I wouldn't have chipped the car windscreen either (happened yesterday on the way back). And ironically I can't login to my insurance account to see if the repair is going to be covered as I can't remember the password and the password reset email didn't come through.

I often feel like I just have to ride these low spells out and wait to rebound. The problem is if they happen at the wrong time, I just don't want to do anything and want to be left alone. Kind of feel like I can't make big plans as what if something happens that spirals me down then I will feel overwhelmed and won't want to do it.

It sounds like you've got a lot on your mind there. *bro-hugs*

I do fear a downward spiral at the wrong time like a wedding or family event.

Sometimes all you can do is to ride out the low spells as best you can. If anything like going for a workout, movie, pizza or whatever helps, then do that.

veganrun

Thanks. Doing a bit better but still feeling kind of bummed out. How do these things spiral so much and so quickly.

Hugo Stiglitz

Made contact with my counselling service this afternoon.

Gremlinertia

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Made contact with my counselling service this afternoon.

Well done Hugo

How are the rest of you? I'm on another rough day. The madness of the crowds around for the GAA set me on edge even though i didn't go near them.. Feel way too tired compared to the rest i had..

Shpudnik

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Well done Hugo

How are the rest of you? I'm on another rough day. The madness of the crowds around for the GAA set me on edge even though i didn't go near them.. Feel way too tired compared to the rest i had..

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Hugo Stiglitz

veganrun wrote: »

Thanks. Doing a bit better but still feeling kind of bummed out. How do these things spiral so much and so quickly.

Glad to hear that you're feeling a bit better, VR. Hopefully the remaining bummer will fade soon there.

There must be so many variables to cause the spirals.

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Well done Hugo

How are the rest of you? I'm on another rough day. The madness of the crowds around for the GAA set me on edge even though i didn't go near them.. Feel way too tired compared to the rest i had..

Sorry to hear that, Grem. *hugs*

Gremlinertia

Group hugs, all in *huuuuuuggggggggs*

Hugo Stiglitz

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Group hugs, all in *huuuuuuggggggggs*

wonderfullife

"The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself." - Oscar Wilde

I usually post in the AH Depression thread but I thought I'd add a couple of thoughts in here. Lately, I've had a rough time of things - spells of homelessness and physical health issues with my stomach, coinciding with the days getting darker hasn't been a good cocktail.

I've lost track of the amount of times I've started courses of tablets and not stuck with them long term. Citalopram, Sertraline, Propranolol (was an interesting choice) and lately on to Mirtazapine. I get the usual lecture from the doctor whenever I ask for xanax or valium as a temporary crutch. Mirtazapine (so far) has definitely been helpful when it comes to quality of sleep but during waking hours it's tough to feel anything.

For me, like some of you I'm sure, it's the simple things people take for granted that prove the most difficult. Brushing my teeth or taking a shower can feel like an ordeal and it's borderline impossible to explain to anyone why that is.

On a wider scale, I get daily negative thoughts on life that I have to overcome, predictable thought patterns: "What's the point?", "I'll never get better", "I can't turn this around".

I'd recommend anyone going through these thoughts to watch this video - Every day if needs be - It's only 3 minutes long and it's not the soothing type of anti-anxiety video people normally recommend. In fact, it's the opposite. It's a beautifully shot trailer for BBC's Planet Earth II with a positively amazing score from Hans Zimmer. Any time I think this world isn't for me I give this a watch.

I've no idea if there's a God, Heaven or Hell but I do know the chances of any of the above being more beautiful than the world we inhabit are pretty slim. It really is a wonderful life we live, albeit for people crippled with depression and anxiety it can be a nightmarish existence.

Give it a watch when worrying thoughts take over and if that doesn't help, my inbox is always open. I'm not the best at quick replies but you can always count on one coming

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8aFcHFu8QM

La.de.da

Hugs would be nice. Hugs to all xx

There seems to be a bad energy around the last few weeks. It just feels different. Hopefully it'll lift/shift soon. (May sound like mumbo jumbo but I believe in it )

Gremlinertia

Hey WL i actually have that video saved to watch at times when i need to feel like i'm part of the world, thanks for reminding me!.

Hey La, hope the energy isn't getting to you too badly.

La.de.da

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Hey WL i actually have that video saved to watch at times when i need to feel like i'm part of the world, thanks for reminding me!.

Hey La, hope the energy isn't getting to you too badly.

It's kicked me in the proverbial balls the last month Grem to be honest.

Fighting everyday. We have too x

Shpudnik

Very disappointed in myself

Gremlinertia

It's a new day Shpud, breathe, rest, go again.


La i get ya totally, this year has left me winded a few times. We'll keep on keepin' on

veganrun

Slept ok last night but still feeling a bit off now this morning. Started thinking about that stupid password thing and the fact that my car windscreen needs fixing and possibly replacing. I can't remember if my insurance has windscreen cover as they removed some stuff to lower the premium when I renewed it a few months ago. If it doesn't, I may be £500 out of pocket.

veganrun

Well some good news. The windscreen is covered by the insurance so it shouldn't cost more than 50-75 to get it replaced.

Gremlinertia

veganrun wrote: »

Well some good news. The windscreen is covered by the insurance so it shouldn't cost more than 50-75 to get it replaced.

Oh I'm glad that's the case, glad you haven't had to wait and worry for too long.. Have you eased much yet?

Shpudnik

Home early from school. Feel absolutely terrible after an incident yesterday. Disappointed in myself for succumbing to the pain

veganrun

Yeah feeling a lot better now Grem. Just was stupidly stressed because of that password thing then couldn't access my insurance stuff to check if I was covered and they were closed until today.

Had the insurance not covered it I'd be looking at 500-600 to get the windscreen replaced as the crack seems to be in just the wrong place. Will know for sure tomorrow when they show up if they can just repair it rather than replace.

veganrun

Anyone else here get paranoid? Someone at work suggested a change that brings more visibility to what I'm working on but also will highlight more the problems when they occur too. A big part of me feels it's for the latter reason then I start to feel p****d off like there is some alterior motive or hidden agenda, like they are trying to prove I'm doing a bad job.

Then I just get dissolussioned with work in general. I start to think "Is this how we are supposed to live our lives? Spending it working, being compared and judged against other people, being given scores for performance, being criticised?". It kind of seems morally wrong to do that but people just accept it (myself included).

What's the alternative? Working for yourself? Wouldn't that be worse?

Hugo Stiglitz

veganrun wrote: »

Anyone else here get paranoid? Someone at work suggested a change that brings more visibility to what I'm working on but also will highlight more the problems when they occur too. A big part of me feels it's for the latter reason then I start to feel p****d off like there is some alterior motive or hidden agenda, like they are trying to prove I'm doing a bad job.

Then I just get dissolussioned with work in general. I start to think "Is this how we are supposed to live our lives? Spending it working, being compared and judged against other people, being given scores for performance, being criticised?". It kind of seems morally wrong to do that but people just accept it (myself included).

What's the alternative? Working for yourself? Wouldn't that be worse?

Incredibly so. Sometimes for things at work such as being unfairly monitored, but it is mostly for personal things like not being liked, being excluded or rejected, being mocking for my physical appearance etc.

veganrun

Yeah it sucks.

My apartment inspection has been moved forward as the owner is changing letting agents so the new one has to inspect the place, grrr. Have it scheduled for next Monday to get it over and done with.

7 Seconds...

veganrun wrote: »

Yeah it sucks.

My apartment inspection has been moved forward as the owner is changing letting agents so the new one has to inspect the place, grrr. Have it scheduled for next Monday to get it over and done with.

Less time to be worrying over it, so maybe its a blessing in disguise. Hope it goes well for you, & hope you don't worry too much about it. Be as kind to yourself as you can over the next week.:)!