Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

Hugo Stiglitz

I only pulled myself out of my funk this evening but I can feel my thoughts and obsessing starting up again.

snowflaker

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

I only pulled myself out of my funk this evening but I can feel my thoughts and obsessing starting up again.

I'm up and down like a yoyo

Gremlinertia

I feel like everything i do contains a mistake, i feel it so badly today that i just want to sit absolutely still and maybe then it won't happen.. What 'it' is remains unknown of course.. Oh brain.

Hugo Stiglitz

La.de.da wrote: »

Same. Ashamed of what I packed away in my belly the last few hours.
Least it's all gone now.

Always Sundays. Must be something embedded in my brain from childhood.

Anyways here's to a peaceful enough week.

snowflaker wrote: »

I'm up and down like a yoyo

Gremlinertia wrote: »

I feel like everything i do contains a mistake, i feel it so badly today that i just want to sit absolutely still and maybe then it won't happen.. What 'it' is remains unknown of course.. Oh brain.

Hugs for ye all.

Grem, I feel this so much. It's made so much worse by the fact that I do actually make mistakes due to being anxious and thus having difficulty maintaining concentration. It's like a cycle of fear and the fear happening.

veganrun

Didn't sleep well, and staying up late on Friday and Saturday nights probably didn't help. Went to bed a bit earlier last night but I've been tossing and turning since about 3.30am and now I feel pretty much wide awake. I have this stupid apartment inspection at 9am too that's on my mind. Kind of irritating me that I have to do it. It's more the checking up and me and making sure I'm following their rules crap that is getting on my nerves I think. Couple of other things on my mind too.

Been texting a friend and he's going through something similar at work, being fed up of the corporate bs, having to work for someone. He said to me I must be able to do something better than someone else. First thing I thought of was "put on weight". But that's no use to anyone. Then I thought "right, I will transform myself". But I've had the same thoughts for years and they've never stuck. I think "right I'm sick of being overweight, time to change, throwing out all the crap and healthy eating from now on". That might last a few days at most but then something will happen to turn my mood good or bad then I automatically think of rewarding myself with food, and then it turns into days of eating bad as "I might as well keep going and start over on Monday". I have at least 4-5 stone to lose so it's not imagined. I guess I could reward myself with something other than food but I'm not sure what and at the same time, I shouldn't need rewarding or whatever if my mood makes me likely to reach for the junk.

I know someone who has lost a few stone and kept it off for years. She did it through weight watchers. I've tried it before and it's not for me. I don't like counting points and I hated the pressure when weighing in knowing I had a bad week and listening to my own excuses.

What interests me more is that this person said they just set their mind to it that they were going to do it, like some other things in life and did it and weren't going to let anything get in the way.

I don't know why I struggle to do the same.

Years ago I lost something like 3.5 stone in 6 months by eating right and going to the gym 3-4 times a week. I was so determined back then and focused but I can't seem to get the same way again. I put all the weight back on but have managed to get about a stone and a bit back off and kept it off in the years since but that's not enough. I'm currently just under 17 stone and should be 12.5 max.

Not really sure what the answer is.

I think part of the whole resistance to 40 hours at work is that I feel like it limits me from doing what I want and that I'm more likely to skip exercising if I've had to go to work as I often just want to go home, eat and watch TV after. The classes I want to do aren't really on at other suitable times but then I blow them off at weekends even when I've nothing to do so the work excuse doesn't really cut it I guess.

Not really sure where I'm going with this, just my current train of thought.

jsms88

It's takes a huge amount of willpower to eat well to lose weight. You're certainly not the only one who's struggling with that. I'm not really overweight but I could lose a little bit but it's tough to put my mind to it long term. And when there's other stuff stressing you out in life, eating can be one of the only real escapes.

veganrun

If I have mega stress and/or anxiety I barely eat anything and I can lose weight quickly but that is not sustainable or healthy, plus I don't want a big bout of anxiety or stress.

Gremlinertia

There isn't a single thing these illnesses don't impact on, i try to keep as much to moderation as possible, thoughts, appetites and inactivity would be my worst for overindulging in i reckon.. Far easier said than done but for me i need some sort of 'bigger picture' frame of reference.

veganrun

Sometimes they affect my plans or plans I think about making. I worry that something will come up closer to the time, ruin my mood and will make me not want to go. An example of my thinking around this revolves around our Christmas party which they told us the date for last week. My mind goes like this "You won't be able to enjoy it as that is around review time and you will have your review a week or two later. If you go and try to feel part of the team/company you will look like an idiot when you have a bad review and you'll wonder why you tried to fit in and will feel stupid and regret it. Best to keep your distance, stay disconnected, don't socialise with them as you will just regret it when your review is s***"

Gremlinertia

I have two weddings, one of which i'm in the wedding party for before the end of the year, i hear you loud and clear. Cold sweats just thinking about them.. More people should elope :mad:

veganrun

I'm not a big fan of weddings, or at least the reception. I find them kind of draining and feel like they go on far too long. The last one I was at I sort of begrudgingly went to as my mother needed someone to go with her. I tried to pretend I was enjoying it but the truth was that I wasn't and I feel like a complete p**** saying that and that I ruined her day. I hope I didn't but I often feel terrible pangs of guilt over things. If I go home at the weekend I feel bad leaving on the Sunday to come back here. I also sometimes feel like I don't deserve to be happy and it's my place to accommodate others and make sure they are happy. Basically put everyone before myself and that's the reason why I'm here, kind of like a utility of some sort. I probably don't always do that but I often feel like I should and it would be a very selfless thing to do.

It's probably not a good idea for me to dwell on this stuff when I'm feeling tired, not having slept well and feeling a bit tense and anxious. It just drags up all sorts of regrets and bad feelings.

titan18

Not looking forward to work today at all. If it wasn't for training being on, I'd probably have just rang in sick. Sometimes, I just can't deal with this ****

Gremlinertia

Hope today goes ok for you Titan.

Mondays are hard all round, seems this morning is challenging a lot of us, we can regroup later to catch up and see we got on though, at least there's this thread, feel more at home here some days than anywhere..

Shpudnik

So much stress worrying about today

veganrun

Monday's are crap. I've noticed I often don't sleep well on a Sunday night and I'm convinced it's because of work the next day. Sometimes I'm very negative and think "what crap am I going to have to deal with today in this place". I'm trying to turn that around as I sort of believe in the law of attraction so I'm trying to picture it being a good day rather than assuming people and things will make it a hateful day. Doesn't anyways happen, I still have bad days so I need to work on it more. I'm just resigned to the fact that for as long as you have to work with other people and for other people, you will have times where it will drive you insane. It would be great if we could just say no anytime we don't want to do something and there be no repercussions, but until and unless we don't need money, that won't happen.

Having said that, if I did win the lotto I still think I'd go to work, but on some sort of part time basis. In a way I think I'd be better at my job as I wouldn't care anymore and would feel more relaxed as I no longer need the money.

titan18

veganrun wrote: »

Monday's are crap. I've noticed I often don't sleep well on a Sunday night and I'm convinced it's because of work the next day. Sometimes I'm very negative and think "what crap am I going to have to deal with today in this place". I'm trying to turn that around as I sort of believe in the law of attraction so I'm trying to picture it being a good day rather than assuming people and things will make it a hateful day. Doesn't anyways happen, I still have bad days so I need to work on it more. I'm just resigned to the fact that for as long as you have to work with other people and for other people, you will have times where it will drive you insane. It would be great if we could just say no anytime we don't want to do something and there be no repercussions, but until and unless we don't need money, that won't happen.

Having said that, if I did win the lotto I still think I'd go to work, but on some sort of part time basis. In a way I think I'd be better at my job as I wouldn't care anymore and would feel more relaxed as I no longer need the money.

Ya, they'd never see me again

Gremlinertia

I hope today turns out better than people here feel about it.. Catch you all later.

veganrun

Thanks Grem. Just waiting for this letting agent and co to show up.

I (and our team) will have a new manager starting in a couple of weeks. Our previous manager left a few months ago and we've been reporting into his manager since then. It's been grand as we have got on with our work and survived just fine. However I can't shake the feeling that the new guy will be a p****. Not sure why as I've never met him, seen him or know anything about him. I didn't get on so well with my last manager so I guess I'm still remembering that.

titan18

titan18 wrote:

Ya, they'd never see me again

Gremlinertia wrote:

I hope today turns out better than people here feel about it.. Catch you all later.

Mine is already not fun. Manager seems pissed at me, and rightly so

Gremlinertia

titan18 wrote: »

Mine is already not fun. Manager seems pissed at me, and rightly so

Hopefully that means it's manageable quietly, take care..

veganrun

Inspection went ok, only question is if the owner will let me go to a month to month or want me to sign a new lease. I don't want to be locked down to another lease so we will see.

kiddums

So, its looking quite likely that I'll have to share with strangers for the first time in my life. The sheer thought of that is driving my anxiety nuts, and I can't focus on looking for a place.

Have any of you done this before, any tips?

7 Seconds...

I would love to have my brain completely rewired!

Gremlinertia

kiddums wrote: »

So, its looking quite likely that I'll have to share with strangers for the first time in my life. The sheer thought of that is driving my anxiety nuts, and I can't focus on looking for a place.

Have any of you done this before, any tips?

I just had to go back to sharing a few months ago. I found facebook groups easier to work with as i got a better feel for the type of house/flat..
I began by avoiding phrases like easy-going or ads with a lot of 'no' words.

Shpudnik

No motivation at all this evening.

Hugo Stiglitz

Can I come too... wrote: »

I would love to have my brain completely rewired!

Likewise!

How was your Monday there?

titan18

Haven't been fired anyway, but managers are disappointed/annoyed with me, which is sh1te.

7 Seconds...

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Likewise!

How was your Monday there?

Not too bad, thank god. I wish I could stop the negative thinking. How was yours?

snowflaker

I was so on edge today- but got through it!

Hugo Stiglitz

titan18 wrote: »

Haven't been fired anyway, but managers are disappointed/annoyed with me, which is sh1te.

It'll blow over soon I hope.