Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

Gremlinertia

veganrun wrote: »

Had hoped a nights sleep would have got rid of this blocked/ringing sensation but hasnt.

I don't have a GP here and my regular one is 50 miles away. Might just need to take some time off work and go see them.

Being so far away from your doc must be a bit stressful in itself.. The feelings will pass, they always do, that's the cyclical nature of the problem. One thing i sometimes remind myself of is that i've survived one hundred per cent of all the crap times i've had up to now. It can be comforting if i'm not in my more cynical mode.. When i'm feeling angry and cynical i use my stubbornness if i can.

veganrun

I'm imagining all sorts of horrible scenarios like having to go to a specialist, getting tests, scans finding something serious wrong, or having this sensation for the rest of my life.

My mental state is not good at the moment because of it.

Been off the citalopram about a month now too.

Gremlinertia

I'm always getting worried about one of my internal organs failing. Get anxious and even imagine/have phantom pains.

veganrun

I wish this would go away.

i also wish my mental state would go back to normal.

Gremlinertia

I've had this for as long as i can remember so have no idea what 'normal' feels or looks like, in ways that is lucky as i think i would be very angry and resentful of who i was.

veganrun

I wish this sensation in my ears would go away.

I also wish I could go back to the way I was mentally about 10 years ago.

veganrun

Trapsing to work on foot. I normally cycle but feel too down, just don't want to do it.

Gremlinertia

Hopefully it's a good morning where you are.

7 Seconds...

veganrun wrote: »

I also wish I could go back to the way I was mentally about 10 years ago.

I am the exact same, even though things have never really been right, I was a lot better 10 years ago than I am today.

Also there is no normal, everyone has a cross to carry & the grass looking greener on the other side is usually just a trick of the light. Be good and be kind to yourself:). Hope you have a good day!

veganrun

When I think back 10 years I feel I couldn't do the things I did then, now, like moving to a foreign country with no-one I know etc. I wasn't freaking out over my health there.

I'm a tiny bit calmer now although my ears are still blocked. I suspect if I told anyone my thought process around this they'd say I was crazy and they would be right.

Was feeling very emotional earlier and didn't want to talk to anyone. Was thinking of going to my GP but I feel like I should give it a few days and let myself calm down and gather my thoughts.

Shpudnik

Wasn't feeling up to physically going to school today which I'm disappointed in. I still have to go to a social gathering this morning though and I'm really worried about it.

veganrun

Think, think, think my hearing is returning to normal. Hope I don't jinx it now.

kiddums

My mood is down the toilet today. I just want to flip my desk over, walk out of work and hide under my duvet for the next few weeks.

Tell me how

kiddums wrote:

My mood is down the toilet today. I just want to flip my desk over, walk out of work and hide under my duvet for the next few weeks.

That sounds like a normal say at work for most people.

Seriously though, could you take some leave? A days holiday at short notice can be as good as a week off.

kiddums

Tell me how wrote: »

That sounds like a normal say at work for most people.

Seriously though, could you take some leave? A days holiday at short notice can be as good as a week off.

I'd usually be the just sneak out sort, not the make a big show on the way sort.

Not really. I finish up here next week, and I gave myself a week off before the new job. I agreed to work all of my notice, so I'm here till then. And because I need the money, I also work weekends. I've worked 7 days a week for a few months in a row.

The irony is, when I'm in work I want the time off, but if I take the time off I get super depressed on my day off and I just mope about feeling sorry for myself.:(

never_mind

Eugh. So many trigger situations happening between tomorrow and Saturday evening including public speaking, public transport, lots of networking. EUGH.

veganrun

I almost think it should be illegal to feel compelled to go to work when you are down, but such is life.

I'm getting a bit fed up of the rat race. I even told a recruiter recently that if I change jobs, I am looking to do less than 40 hours a week. Will see what happens, I want to save for a deposit so might need to stick at it a bit longer.

Fuko200

First post so I'm nervous.
I haven't really slept since Tuesday, today being another all nighter.
I feel like I'm not going anywhere in life, I struggle to leave my bedroom to even go down to the kitchen, spend most of the day crying. I try to do things but I can't even find the motivation to do so.
I suffer from clinical depression, severe anxiety and at the moment I'm being tested for BPD and schizotypal disorder but I won't find out till I'm 25 - since "my brain is put developed enough". I feel lost since I was previously diagnosed with aspergers, only to find out that it was a misdiagnosis and took seven years for the hse to figure out they never did the testing for it, so the therapist guessed or something. I'm scared that i won't be able to function in society, and I don't even have a leaving cert or proper qualifications due to all of my issues
I won't even be able to see my therapist till November since I'm booked for every 3 months for some odd reason.

Gremlinertia

Managed to be late for work, really unusual for me.. Can't get it out of my head now, especially the lack of help from colleagues, disappointed i guess.

Gremlinertia

Fuko200 wrote: »

First post so I'm nervous.
I haven't really slept since Tuesday, today being another all nighter.
I feel like I'm not going anywhere in life, I struggle to leave my bedroom to even go down to the kitchen, spend most of the day crying. I try to do things but I can't even find the motivation to do so.
I suffer from clinical depression, severe anxiety and at the moment I'm being tested for BPD and schizotypal disorder but I won't find out till I'm 25 - since "my brain is put developed enough". I feel lost since I was previously diagnosed with aspergers, only to find out that it was a misdiagnosis and took seven years for the hse to figure out they never did the testing for it, so the therapist guessed or something. I'm scared that i won't be able to function in society, and I don't even have a leaving cert or proper qualifications due to all of my issues
I won't even be able to see my therapist till November since I'm booked for every 3 months for some odd reason.

Heyo, welcome to the thread, you have been through the mill, a misdiagnosis is horrible since it wastes so much time and you start accepting the diagnosis then it's changed.
Don't stress over education just yet, by the way you come across very well in your typing.. It's kind of par for the course to be seen every three months or so unfortunately, the resources don't seem to be there for much more than that..
You'll find plenty of like minded people here, i hope it helps you to talk to them all. I have anxiety issues and borderline personality disorder, diagnosed seven years ago but had problems since i was a teen (38 now)

Fuko200

Thank you Gremlinertia for the welcome,
The misdiagnosis was horrible, as I was 13 at the time of it. My parents didn't understand exactly and had a feeling that it was wrong but trusted the person. I thought if it was true I would get better help but all it did was isolate me more, since my school or family members didn't exactly care enough to bother.

I'm managing to stay calm for the last hour which is surprising for me.
About your situation with work and being late, I understand when it's something that doesn't normally occur it can be a bit disappointing, but it was a one off and I'm sure it was out of your control, so don't best yourself up over it. ��

Gremlinertia

Yeah there's a tendency to nearly grab at a diagnosis because it's a relief to have a name!. I left home early-ish and didn't go to a doc until i was in a really bad way.

Fuko200

I mostly want to know what exactly is wrong with me just so I can actually get the help I need regarding it, instead I get put into day groups and stare at sheets that are somehow meant to help me.

I hope the rest of the day goes good for you though, I'm going to attempt to get at least an hour or two of sleep.

Gremlinertia

I'm nearly finished work, going to head for my bed for a while i think. Welcome again, chat soon

trixiebust

Have my doctor's appointment later. Even the thought of it, has me really anxious.

Tell me how

trixiebust wrote: »

Have my doctor's appointment later. Even the thought of it, has me really anxious.

Can you prepare for it? maybe right down your symptoms in case you find it difficult to remember what you want to say.

this is one step on the path, hope it goes well for you but if it is difficult it is not the end of the road.

Tell me how

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Managed to be late for work, really unusual for me.. Can't get it out of my head now, especially the lack of help from colleagues, disappointed i guess.

Maybe they were so unused to you being late that they didn't realise they hadn't seen you and just finished up as normal.

Difficult though as I imagine it threw off your whole night.

StoodUpTooFast

Does anyone here have any trouble with nostalgia/memories making them really upset?

It's been a growing issue for me lately. I appreciate that not everyone is lucky to have had a childhood they look back on with fondness, but I did. Primary School was the best time of my life, and I keep remembering it lately and it gets me really down that those days are gone.

I think back to the days where we'd be in the classroom and it would be miserable, dull, raining weather outside and how cosy we all were inside. You'd always look forward to going to school and seeing your friends, you'd be sad whenever they were out. I think back to things like queuing up to get our cartons of milk, or when it was coming up to an event like Easter/Christmas/Halloween and we'd be making themed items in Arts & Crafts times (i.e. a Santa or Pumpking face out of paper plates). I remember when we'd be given homework on creative writing and how much fun that was. Or playing football on our basketball courts. They were absolutely brilliant memories.

I was set off again this morning, I was listening to the radio and some little girl won a prize for her school on the radio. I was in tears as it reminded me that those days are gone for me.

I know that life should be about making new memories, and I have so much ahead of me. But that doesn't console me. I'm just not coping with being an adult and the responsibilities that come with it. I'm at no disadvantage to anyone else - plenty of people seem to love it - but I feel like i'll be mourning my childhood for the rest of the my life.

Just something that's been increasingly getting me down. My therapist doesn't make much of it.

trixiebust

Tell me how wrote:

Can you prepare for it? maybe right down your symptoms in case you find it difficult to remember what you want to say.

Tell me how wrote:

this is one step on the path, hope it goes well for you but if it is difficult it is not the end of the road.

Thanks for the kind words. Didn't do it this time, have to go back again in a week or two & will do it for then. Got out what I could anyway.

Tell me how

^^
I do find myself having very vivid memories of experiences from when I was younger. Most often, the emotion associated with the experience at the time is something which I feel I'm lacking now. Nearly comes as a shock when I remind myself how long ago the original experience happened and yet I recall it so vividly (seemingly). These can happen without an obvious trigger but I can usually link them to current goings on. Haven't broached them with a therapist.

You seem to have a good handle on the fact that you're finding current life difficult and revert (mentally) to a time when you felt safe.

I am confused somewhat as to why your therapist doesn't make much of it. Maybe they see looking back as pointless, and it's the future we need to concentrate on. I would have thought they'd acknowledge the possible reasons for these memories being triggered to allow you to then look at the root cause.