Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

veganrun

Another bad nights sleep here. Focusing on my ears again and picturing having to go to the doctor. I keep thinking of these visitors we have over from the US at work this week and having to do a presentation for them tomorrow/later today I guess it it is and this new manager we have starting today too.

I went to bed at 11.30pm and I'm not even sure I've slept, feel like I've been tossing and turning since.

Steverachmad

veganrun wrote: »

Another bad nights sleep here. Focusing on my ears again and picturing having to go to the doctor. I keep thinking of these visitors we have over from the US at work this week and having to do a presentation for them tomorrow/later today I guess it it is and this new manager we have starting today too.

I went to bed at 11.30pm and I'm not even sure I've slept, feel like I've been tossing and turning since.

Your obviously sharp , they don't ask clowns to make presentations , try to relax , I'm sure you've more intelligence in your little finger than the visiting cohort combined , having worked I Boston for a fortune 500 company , with a failed leaving , I was well ahead of them , be positive, don't sell yourself short ! You'll do fine

RabbleRouser2k

Fuko200 wrote: »

I used to be able to cope when I was younger, but when I started secondary my emotions just went. I was getting sick and panicky everyday for random reasons, and the school didn't really care. I eventually left after I was pushed to the edge by a teacher and ended up doing a course. First day I joined I didn't even stay for an hour because I nearly got sick in the room from anxiety. I ended up barely passing since I spent most of my time crying, breaking down or in the hse for appointments. I then failed my level 5 which made me feel horrible, even more so when I put a lot of effort and any time I could into it, even making myself worse to get a pass. I broke my ankle within a week of the new year, which I'm still having issues with now. I ended up in a wheelchair for a month and wasn't allowed back into the building, so I ended up stuck at home having my gf take care of me since my parents felt it was a chore. When I did get back I struggled, and the people who talked and didn't bother got all the help, while I was ignored and eventually gave up once I realised I was doomed to fail. Nowadays I'm barely keeping myself, mostly fazed out and crying or asleep - my gf is encouraging me to sell my artwork since I have no income and can't work due to my mental health, so at least i have that to do something and take my mind of everything.

I worry a lot and wish I could go back to when I didn't care about everything, and yet I can't.

I hope your presentation goes well tomorrow, and maybe wait until you see how the manager is? Sometimes it takes a while for them to actually show what they can do since they are trying to fit in with people and stuff.

Your story sounds very similar to mine, for definite. I would get sick, and panicky too-in secondary school. (I could totally drench a vest in a single day with sweat-just from nerves and panic). Also had stomach problems, and would get migraines too. Pretty much was the weird kid, and got bullied a lot. I did my junior cert, and broke down in the months or weeks after-I was a mess. Went on meds, and fifth year was me trying to recover, and changing friends. I took up some subjects in order to help me cope, and picked subjects that didn't require major projects. (If you've done woodwork or metal work for the JC, it's really dang stressful-I'd be a mess for the LC if I continued both of those subjects, tho I was good at the theory).
And I didn't push myself at the LC because I knew I would crack up.

Tbh, I often feel like a burden as well, it's weird, no matter how much time passes, I still feel trapped in the brain of 17 year old me. I still have this unrealistic responsibilty in myself. And messing up is a massive slap in the face.

As for college-it's not a happy place, definitely not. Let em rub it your face all they want, the people I know who went there and thought 'yes, I made it' are working dead end jobs in places like Phone Shops, Fast food restaurants, or unemployed. (Not mocking the work places, but you're not really going to progress up the jobs chain there, and it's useless regarding your education). On the other hand, I know others' who progressed in the jobs market by just being savvy. Too many more were like 'it's not as bad as they say' after finishing third level- only to have to retrain somewhere else because they got no job offers at all. (Not joking, 1st class honours people were jobless-went to places like Australia or America and came home without any offers). Third level institutes are a mix of decent or awful. You can go to third level any time, you have to be in the right frame of mind.

Jacob13

I've never had depression at all , im 32 and just in the past while im getting like bang smack out of nowhere just down?

veganrun

Blocked ears thing seems to be back. Had been fine for the past few days so it's really messing with my health anxiety.

Fuko200

RabbleRouser2k wrote: »

Your story sounds very similar to mine, for definite. I would get sick, and panicky too-in secondary school. (I could totally drench a vest in a single day with sweat-just from nerves and panic). Also had stomach problems, and would get migraines too. Pretty much was the weird kid, and got bullied a lot. I did my junior cert, and broke down in the months or weeks after-I was a mess. Went on meds, and fifth year was me trying to recover, and changing friends. I took up some subjects in order to help me cope, and picked subjects that didn't require major projects. (If you've done woodwork or metal work for the JC, it's really dang stressful-I'd be a mess for the LC if I continued both of those subjects, tho I was good at the theory).
And I didn't push myself at the LC because I knew I would crack up.

Tbh, I often feel like a burden as well, it's weird, no matter how much time passes, I still feel trapped in the brain of 17 year old me. I still have this unrealistic responsibilty in myself. And messing up is a massive slap in the face.

As for college-it's not a happy place, definitely not. Let em rub it your face all they want, the people I know who went there and thought 'yes, I made it' are working dead end jobs in places like Phone Shops, Fast food restaurants, or unemployed. (Not mocking the work places, but you're not really going to progress up the jobs chain there, and it's useless regarding your education). On the other hand, I know others' who progressed in the jobs market by just being savvy. Too many more were like 'it's not as bad as they say' after finishing third level- only to have to retrain somewhere else because they got no job offers at all. (Not joking, 1st class honours people were jobless-went to places like Australia or America and came home without any offers). Third level institutes are a mix of decent or awful. You can go to third level any time, you have to be in the right frame of mind.

Your right about the whole college issue as my gf dropped out soon after her father died, she stressed herself till she began to smoke and couldn't afford the stuff they wanted her to use. I hated how it stressed her so badly and thought college is horrible, I guess it just irritates me when they talk about it because they know i have issues with education (I can't really multiply, I'm not able to do division and no idea on the basics of algebra.) I also get pissed seeing people I know from both primary and secondary who were the most horrible people you could possibly meet pass and doing well while the people I know who struggled to get by working in ****ty jobs and smoking/drinking to cope.

I woke up already pissed off and nearly crying as I was meant to meet someone by 12pm, but my mom didn't wake me up. (I know you can't rely on that but my god alarms stress me more and the sound makes me panic). She obviously didn't even come into my room as I keep something in front of the door and it was in the same position as I left it. I told my gf that I'll be late and I feel like I let her down, even though it's trivial.

I keep being told to go back on meds to help my paranoia and hallucinations, along with my depression etc - but I feel sick and emotionless while on them, and even if I tell my therapist she refuses to change them.

Fuko200

veganrun wrote: »

Blocked ears thing seems to be back. Had been fine for the past few days so it's really messing with my health anxiety.

Have you tried going to your gp to get them checked or any ear sprays?

Fuko200

Jacob13 wrote: »

I've never had depression at all , im 32 and just in the past while im getting like bang smack out of nowhere just down?

Has anything different happened to you lately? If it keeps going maybe try going to your gp and explaining the issues.

veganrun

Haven't been to the GP. I've had the cold so figure that's what it is but it's irritating me that it's come back. Plus I'm afraid of doctors with my health anxiety.

It went away itself last week so hoping it does so again soon.

Fuko200

Hmm, try going to the chemist and explaining? It might be more comfortable since your not directly in front of a doctor or anything like that. They might also have an idea and give you a spray or something similar.

veganrun

I'm going to go see the GP on Thursday if it hasn't went away by then. Even if it has I might go see her anyway.

Fuko200

I'm sure it'll go well for you

veganrun

I hope so.

Ruby31

I have my GP appointment on Wednesday morning and it's stressing me out so badly. Last couple of nights, I was awake pretty much every hour. This appointment has me literally terrified. I've read through a lot of posts on this thread and I don't really see this issue with anyone else?? I keep imagining myself in the GP's surgery and not knowing what to say.

At the moment I'm waiting for my child to come out o school and my heart is thumping already at the thoughts of having to interact with the other parents.

Shoot me now!

Fuko200

Ruby31 wrote: »

I have my GP appointment on Wednesday morning and it's stressing me out so badly. Last couple of nights, I was awake pretty much every hour. This appointment has me literally terrified. I've read through a lot of posts on this thread and I don't really see this issue with anyone else?? I keep imagining myself in the GP's surgery and not knowing what to say.

At the moment I'm waiting for my child to come out o school and my heart is thumping already at the thoughts of having to interact with the other parents.

Shoot me now!

You don't have to interact with them if you don't want to, maybe stick to your phone and if you have earphones maybe use them? Also regarding the gp write down your issues and bring it with you so you know what you need to say.

veganrun

I'm probably going to the GP too in the next few days. I don't really want to but sort of want this sorted. I also think I need to talk to her about my anxiety again.

Had pencilled in Thursday but might bite the bullet and go tomorrow instead. Will decide later.

Fuko200

Just got off a bus to finally meet up with my gf, bus driver ignored my stop even though I pressed it and my phone was dead so I couldn't listen to music and my anxiety is already acting up from being outside of my room.

trixiebust

Ruby31 wrote:

I have my GP appointment on Wednesday morning and it's stressing me out so badly. Last couple of nights, I was awake pretty much every hour. This appointment has me literally terrified. I've read through a lot of posts on this thread and I don't really see this issue with anyone else?? I keep imagining myself in the GP's surgery and not knowing what to say.

I had an appointment last Friday & was exactly the same for a few days before it too. Anxious just at the thought for a few days before. Afterwards was such a great relief, so try not to worry too much.
I even told my GP the same, so don't be embarrassed to tell them how you really are feeling.

Hugo Stiglitz

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Same here Hugo, quite anxious the last few days, i've only just noticed how much i've been chewing my lip and back muscles all messed up too. I'm listening to music i don't know to see if i will concentrate on that..

Hope it passes soon, Grem. x

Fuko200

I'm just curious but does anyone happen to know anything about service dogs regarding severe depression/anxiety?
My gf was talking about it to me since I panic a lot outside, and can't cope being in places for more then 20-30 minutes without breaking down.

Shpudnik

Back at work. Doing well so far

Hugo Stiglitz

Ruby31 wrote: »

I have my GP appointment on Wednesday morning and it's stressing me out so badly. Last couple of nights, I was awake pretty much every hour. This appointment has me literally terrified. I've read through a lot of posts on this thread and I don't really see this issue with anyone else?? I keep imagining myself in the GP's surgery and not knowing what to say.

At the moment I'm waiting for my child to come out o school and my heart is thumping already at the thoughts of having to interact with the other parents.

Shoot me now!

Best of luck with the appointment, Ruby. You can do this!
It might be rough at the time, but you'll be so glad once it's over.

veganrun

Well I think I have some sort of sinus issue as I now have a sore throat and headache to join in with the blocked ears.

I think the presentation went ok which wasn't easy as I felt physically sick before it. My new manager seems like a nice guy. Hopefully I'm right about both.

Hugo Stiglitz

veganrun wrote: »

Well I think I have some sort of sinus issue as I now have a sore throat and headache to join in with the blocked ears.

I think the presentation went ok which wasn't easy as I felt physically sick before it. My new manager seems like a nice guy. Hopefully I'm right about both.

Glad to hear that things went well for you.

Hopefully you'll feel better there soon, buddy.

TrustedApple

Jeses my mind is my own emamy today.

I keep and finding more and more cock ups that have been there for years in the role that I have joined.

Now all I am doing is over thinking everything none stop in my head on how to fix things

PTH2009

had a mini breakdown at home today

I have a low speaking voice which can be hard to hold conversation and i tend to not make myself clear when im talking about a subject. I was talking to someone and every second word our of there mouth was What did you say ???

I reached boiling point and lost it at home. I feel i have no confidence cause of this issue, its effects me in work, on the phone etc. I just can project my voice

i hate when people do the magically 'yeah' and then turn to someone and say 'what he say'

its a mixture of shyness, awkwarness,embarrassment

done a few weights at home after and it cheered me up a bit

TrustedApple

Why don't you head for a walk ?
Do you have a dog?.

As when I need to clear my mind I love bring out my dog or talking a walk to Lidl of a places ha

PTH2009

TrustedApple wrote: »

Why don't you head for a walk ?
Do you have a dog?.

As when I need to clear my mind I love bring out my dog or talking a walk to Lidl of a places ha

My work hours vary from week to week so it's hard to create and stick to a routine but I try and do a short weights workout at home 2/3 times a week and the other 2/3 days go for a few rounds of the local park. Try and take 2/3 days a week for rest and maybe a pint or 2

One thing is love is a girlfriend but I have had no luck on dating sites/apps and that has prob lead a small bit of today's breakdown

Hugo Stiglitz

Was awake half the night ruminating like crazy. I'm about to go to work now with almost zero sleep. I'm such a disaster.

RabbleRouser2k

Fuko200 wrote: »

Your right about the whole college issue as my gf dropped out soon after her father died, she stressed herself till she began to smoke and couldn't afford the stuff they wanted her to use. I hated how it stressed her so badly and thought college is horrible, I guess it just irritates me when they talk about it because they know i have issues with education (I can't really multiply, I'm not able to do division and no idea on the basics of algebra.) I also get pissed seeing people I know from both primary and secondary who were the most horrible people you could possibly meet pass and doing well while the people I know who struggled to get by working in ****ty jobs and smoking/drinking to cope.

(snipped cos I don't have advice for this)

I keep being told to go back on meds to help my paranoia and hallucinations, along with my depression etc - but I feel sick and emotionless while on them, and even if I tell my therapist she refuses to change them.

Yeah, people think 'oh, wow, it's so great'...it's not. You get put into group projects, a lot of them, where they claim it's to 'help you in the work environment later' but instead, it's so they take less time to correct assignments-and individual projects are pushed on the backburner, so the quality suffers. IF you get a lynda or pluralsights account, you can pretty much learn whatever you need. And youtube as well-because many instructors just download those, then put them in a powerpoint. OR they use books you can get in a library.

Also, despite the campaigns, despite all the 'supposed' supports-there really is very little help for mental illness or wellbeing. I had more help with a flu, than someone I know did with a total nervous breakdown. You kind of have to mind your own wellbeing, be it getting a therapist or consulting a counsellor (something I plan to do). And the understanding of mental illness varies-some are understanding-like, 'you'll get over this, you're good at stuff' while others treat it like a migraine-ie temporary, not an ongoing condition. As soon as you come back, after having a cert to say you were sick, they pile on the pressure for the time you missed because you had a depression episode. (A doctor's cert is always needed-some need it for a cold even).
I'd like to get a qualification in the future-but my mind and my mind health is important to me. I'm fortunate to have my LC and PLC's to apply. And even then, one can always do another PLC.

You're not the only one who gets angry, tbh. But I also have friends with qualifications who thought they would be happy when they did. And instead, it compounded their misery. And others are qualified and working in fast food restaurants. Or retrained. Your path in life is different, so is everyone's-but some of us are angrier about our paths.
(I also get angry when I hear that brought up-education I mean. I don't know why. Maybe because most successful people in the world are from varied backgrounds. There's this thing about it that just infuriates me-because so many people go to third level, have serious mental health problems, and take their own lives. Or end it all due to the pressure of the LC and no discussion of other options, be it QQI 4 or QQI 5).

It might be important to discuss medication options-even if its with another GP. At the moment, you're sounding like it's the choice of one sickness over the other-but which would be easier to cope with? Meds can always be adjusted, symptoms are much harder to cope with. And really, they are water wings, tbh. There to keep you afloat. I know the first time I was put on medication, it scared me to think I would need these to feel normal. And I did have some really lucid dreams for a few weeks. But as I was, I was only getting worse-the medication helped. But I know some people react differently to em.

Fuko200 wrote: »

I'm just curious but does anyone happen to know anything about service dogs regarding severe depression/anxiety?
My gf was talking about it to me since I panic a lot outside, and can't cope being in places for more then 20-30 minutes without breaking down.

Unfortunately, and I googled this, service dogs here in Ireland are limited to epilepsy, blindness, diabetes type 1, nut allergies, conditions that cause seizuresand of course guide dogs. Panic attacks/ depression aren't covered by it. What they may suggest is CBT, cognitive Behavioral therapy. I know in other countries, service dogs are available for many conditions, here it's...less so.
That said, you could always adopt a rescue dog, there are many who need a home. And they can help with regards to mental wellbeing.