Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

trixiebust

Just back from my first appointment. Phew, what a relief it's over. Tough, but ( I think ) I feel a little better. Vocalising my inner demon is something I'm not used to doing ever.

veganrun

Feeling down since I got back to the apartment this evening. Not sure why, I was in an ok mood but I’ve just went downhill a bit. The last month to 6 weeks has been bad with anxiety and low mood at times. I’ve been back to see the Dr a few times and she has put me back on citalopram and increased my dose yesterday to 30mg. I am back on the medication about 3.5 weeks. The anxiety has improved but my mood is still not right.

I even came home this evening and started packing as I’m thinking of moving home. I know it’s mostly my anxiety and mood and it’s not a good time to make big decisions but it’s harmless packing and moving some stuff out, I haven’t given notice or anything so if I change my mind there’s no harm done.

I so wish I hadn’t come off the medication during the summer, I was doing so much better than I am now.

7 Seconds...

veganrun wrote: »

Feeling down since I got back to the apartment this evening. Not sure why, I was in an ok mood but I’ve just went downhill a bit. The last month to 6 weeks has been bad with anxiety and low mood at times. I’ve been back to see the Dr a few times and she has put me back on citalopram and increased my dose yesterday to 30mg. I am back on the medication about 3.5 weeks. The anxiety has improved but my mood is still not right.

I even came home this evening and started packing as I’m thinking of moving home. I know it’s mostly my anxiety and mood and it’s not a good time to make big decisions but it’s harmless packing and moving some stuff out, I haven’t given notice or anything so if I change my mind there’s no harm done.

I so wish I hadn’t come off the medication during the summer, I was doing so much better than I am now.

Don't be so hard on yourself, it sometimes take a few months for a person's mood to improve on the medication. Is there anyone you could talk to about moving before you decide, someone who you could do a pro & cons list with, it might makes things a little clearer for you. But at the end of the day you have to do what's right for you.:)

veganrun

Thanks.

Yeah I guess I can talk to someone but I’m a bit stubborn and I usually bottle things up. I was watching a tv show and picked a bad episode to watch as the main character is having anxiety and panic attacks. I had to turn it off as I can’t watch that at the moment.

Still annoyed at myself. Such a f*****g idiot for coming off medication and I’m feeling like I will never be normal again.

7 Seconds...

You are not alone with coming off the medication, I have been doing the same thing myself, back on them again since July am determined to stay with them this time.

There is no normal, we all have a cross to carry, some just carry theirs better. But one day soon you will be yourself again!

uberalles

titan18 wrote: »

Got a cousins wedding Friday, dad made me buy a suit today for it even though I don't want to go. Seems rather ****ty to be trying to celebrate someone else's happiness and love when you don't want to exist.

I went to a torturous wedding once when my own relationship had just hit the rocks years ago so I empathise with how you. having to face the relatives when you perhaps are not in the mood.

Its their "big day" and your supposed to be happy for them when happiness seems like a distant concept.

On a funny note ....

Wouldnt it be great to run the wedding in reverse. You get the ring back, reverse down the isle, hop in a car and fcuk off.

So on the + side, you sound like you are single and not in the wrong relationship. Choose carefully

and perhaps give this a read, found it today.

The world is your lobster !

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/m...tal-health.htm

veganrun

Can I come too... wrote: »

You are not alone with coming off the medication, I have been doing the same thing myself, back on them again since July am determined to stay with them this time.

There is no normal, we all have a cross to carry, some just carry theirs better.  But one day soon you will be yourself again!

I hope so as I kind of feel like I'm in a weird limbo or something at the moment.  I don't feel like myself at the moment, like there's a small piece missing or something.  I have health anxiety too which doesn't help.  Any little thing can set it off.

SnitchenBubs

I find being invited to weddings, birthdays, party's etc to be laughable most of the time, its an ego thing for most people, they get offended when you don't go but reality is the only reason they're inviting you is for selfish reasons, i.e making up the numbers.

I've been invited to several family members weddings over the years but I only ever went to one. Truth is these people don't care about you, which is fine because the feeling is mutual, but I just can't stand the bull**** of it.

Gremlinertia

I am shortly going to my third (i think) ever wedding. My anxiety about them is huge, i tremble for days.. I already feel sick about this one. The couple that invited me do care, but i hide my issues so well they see the invite as a friendly and caring thing. I'll get through but the fear currently is massive.

titan18

Should I go to the wedding? I really don't want to with my mind at the moment, and know I won't enjoy and potentially will hurt me seeing people being happy and fun, but should I grin and bear it to avoid annoying people?

jaxxx

Brain brain, go away, don't come back till you stop acting the b*ll*cks... Yes I'm aware that doesn't rhyme but... phooey!

Been thinking recently of maybe giving the group session thingy-ma-jig a go. Anyone have much experience of that kinda thing? Kind of have the mindset that maybe it'd help meeting people going through something similar.

Gremlinertia

titan18 wrote: »

Should I go to the wedding? I really don't want to with my mind at the moment, and know I won't enjoy and potentially will hurt me seeing people being happy and fun, but should I grin and bear it to avoid annoying people?

Really is down to you, it's so hard, i know with me when i have accepted the invitation i rarely ever drop out, fear of disappointing people, yeah that's another pig of an issue there.

I self care like hell the day before and the day of, pep talks from a friend and music that raises my adrenalin. I make sure that there are a few clear days rest after too though..

titan18

Ya, it's just seeing people get married, being happy and having fun, dancing with their partners etc makes me feel like a failure that I don't have that, and when I'm already really low, I'm afraid of the results. Not sure if it's good for me to go or not cos of that.

Gremlinertia

titan18 wrote: »

Ya, it's just seeing people get married, being happy and having fun, dancing with their partners etc makes me feel like a failure that I don't have that, and when I'm already really low, I'm afraid of the results. Not sure if it's good for me to go or not cos of that.

I get ya, it's hard not to get stuck on that, i'll be trying to focus on the venue and food etc for quite a bit i think.

Gremlinertia

jaxxx wrote: »

Brain brain, go away, don't come back till you stop acting the b*ll*cks... Yes I'm aware that doesn't rhyme but... phooey!

Been thinking recently of maybe giving the group session thingy-ma-jig a go. Anyone have much experience of that kinda thing? Kind of have the mindset that maybe it'd help meeting people going through something similar.

Hi Jaxxx, i did a year of group dbt and while initially i was in a huge panic about talking in a room with strangers it calmed down very fast.. We were all bpd people so nearly anything anyone said you could find commonality in, if it's available to you i'd definitely consider it since you mention meeting similar people..

jaxxx

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Hi Jaxxx, i did a year of group dbt and while initially i was in a huge panic about talking in a room with strangers it calmed down very fast.. We were all bpd people so nearly anything anyone said you could find commonality in, if it's available to you i'd definitely consider it since you mention meeting similar people..

I've always been hesitant cos I hate social scenarios but... at this stage nothing else is working. It would kinda be like Barry Allen in the new Justice League film.

"Let me stop you right there, I'm in! I.... need.... friends...."

Except obviously I don't have superspeed...

Gremlinertia

Basically same here Jaxxx, wasn't until i was 34 or 5 that i had run out of options and had to do group therapy before i lost myself completely

worded

titan18 wrote: »

Should I go to the wedding? I really don't want to with my mind at the moment, and know I won't enjoy and potentially will hurt me seeing people being happy and fun, but should I grin and bear it to avoid annoying people?

Consider this ....

You have many options open to you and you don’t have to go

What about making an appearance and see how it goes? If it’s OTT then bail quietly.....

You may meet some new friends there. People will get oiled with booze and it may be OK

The focus will be on the two of them not you ....

How do you feel ?

You are up a suit to start with which is cool.

RabbleRouser2k

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Basically same here Jaxxx, wasn't until i was 34 or 5 that i had run out of options and had to do group therapy before i lost myself completely

I need to do some kind of therapy, again. It's been a good 10 years or more since I did. I have to do something-everyday is feeling like a negative.
I've applied for unemployment assistance, and I had to speak to one of the admins over it a few days ago.
(I don't know the correct title-admin fits).
Well, I explained my situation, why I had to apply, what had happened etc.
I explained I had experienced illness, and when they asked, I explained 'it was depression, and I didn't get a lot of help for it'-I don't mean medical help, I mean help from those around me, be they colleagues, and some friends. (Most of my friends were very supportive).
He was pretty understanding, said 'Oh, we've all had that'. Not in a condescending way, more an understanding way. That can make such a difference.
While it is beneficial, I certain hope to not be on it for too long. I want to work, to get my head into gear. I don't want to be in a cruddy situation my entire life.

veganrun

Had a bit of a bad night last night. Sort of been awake since like 4am tossing and turning. I've had tinnitus on and off since I had a cold about a month ago and when my anxiety came back. So if I focus on my hearing too much I think I can hear it and that just makes it worse. Been to the Dr a few times over the last month about anxiety and she doesn't seem that worried about the tinnitus thing.

Ugh, I wish I could just rewind the clock to July and not have come off the medication. Been just under 4 weeks back on it and the dose increased yesterday by the GP and while it's improved, it doesn't feel under control yet. Then I start doubting it and myself.

titan18

worded wrote:

What about making an appearance and see how it goes? If it’s OTT then bail quietly.....

Unfortunately, that one not a goer as down in Kerry so about 90 minutes in car when I don't drive

KJohnson7780

Just wanted to ask you guys has any of ye tried CBD oil??

titan18

Think I've decided to leave off the wedding. Just don't feel like I can do it and fake the day

Tell me how

titan18 wrote: »

Think I've decided to leave off the wedding. Just don't feel like I can do it and fake the day

Could you just go to the church ceremony?
Then see how you are and if you find it very difficult, skip the reception?

When I was in a very dark place, I missed a few weddings. It didn't make me feel any better on the day, I kept thinking about it. But I have regretted it quite a lot since, particularly when I meet those people.

I didn't share my illness with everyone so couldn't really explain why I wasn't there either.

titan18

It's not close to where I live and I don't drive, so was going to be staying overnight anyway, so I'd I go and skip, I'd just be sitting in hotel room by myself

titan18

titan18 wrote: »

It's not close to where I live and I don't drive, so was going to be staying overnight anyway, so I'd I go and skip, I'd just be sitting in hotel room by myself

What about turning it in to a night away for yourself? I realise these things can be expensive but if you could manage two nights in a little hotel or B&B and treat it as doing something nice for you

titan18

Deleted User wrote:

What about turning it in to a night away for yourself? I realise these things can be expensive but if you could manage two nights in a little hotel or B&B and treat it as doing something nice for you

Sounds like I'm just making excuses, but usually when im away by myself, I tend to just feel like crap that I'm be by myself instead of with someone. At my better moods, I'll feel a bit crap but push through it by keeping myself busy, but at low moods, I just die. My social anxiety stops me from interacting with strangers a lot but get through it, just can't when I'm struggling

titan18

titan18 wrote: »

Sounds like I'm just making excuses, but usually when im away by myself, I tend to just feel like crap that I'm be by myself instead of with someone. At my better moods, I'll feel a bit crap but push through it by keeping myself busy, but at low moods, I just die. My social anxiety stops me from interacting with strangers a lot but get through it, just can't when I'm struggling

I don't think you are making excuses. No doubt you are struggling. If you really really don't feel up to going then don't go. There is no need to put yourself through mental torture if you're not up to being there.

However this is all something you need help with. Your statement of "but at low moods I just die" is bleak. Maybe explore that a little more with a professional. Look after yourself.

SnitchenBubs

titan18 wrote: »

Sounds like I'm just making excuses, but usually when im away by myself, I tend to just feel like crap that I'm be by myself instead of with someone. At my better moods, I'll feel a bit crap but push through it by keeping myself busy, but at low moods, I just die. My social anxiety stops me from interacting with strangers a lot but get through it, just can't when I'm struggling

I didn't mean to come across too cynical, I was really only speaking from my experience with people, it may not be the same for you in this case. They could be genuine people and only you'll know that.

See I'm the opposite to you, I'm happier by myself away from people.

RabbleRouser2k

Have a text message on my phone-from a friend-that was sent in April/ May...I still haven't answered it. And I feel really awful.

He's a very good friend, but I don't know how to tell him why I practically fled home.