Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

PMBC

Piece accessed today on Guardian newspaper -
1. Use of VR for anxieties
2. More important - people suffering need to be more tolerant of themselves.
Will post link later - when I figure out how to do that!
Hope it helps.

PMBC

Gremlinertia wrote: »

I am shortly going to my third (i think) ever wedding. My anxiety about them is huge, i tremble for days.. I already feel sick about this one. The couple that invited me do care, but i hide my issues so well they see the invite as a friendly and caring thing. I'll get through but the fear currently is massive.

This 'home remedy' might be worth trying (as well as anything else you are doing, of course).
Don't fight it but go with the effect of the anxiety; and I don't mean mentally. Instead of trying not to tremble, try to tremble; instead of trying not to feel sick, try to feel sick. It works for me to an extent so hope it helps you.

Tell me how

RabbleRouser2k wrote: »

Have a text message on my phone-from a friend-that was sent in April/ May...I still haven't answered it. And I feel really awful.

He's a very good friend, but I don't know how to tell him why I practically fled home.

Could you just text with a new message asking how he is. If he brings up the last message, simply say that you were dealing with some personal issues.

titan18

titan18 wrote: »

Everything good in my life just ends. There's a girl I like who worked with me, and I was chatting away to her. She went out sick from work in July, and ended up leaving company as a result. I was trying to chat away to her on Facebook, and then she ended up deleting her Facebook account, so eventually contacted her on LinkedIn to see what was up.

Eventually, got her number, and contacted her on whatsapp where she told me she was in St Pats with depression and anxiety. I obviously don't care about that, as well, I struggle myself, so told her that, and she can contact me anytime she wants, and she was "Thank you so much, you've no idea how much that means to me xx". So, I asked her anything I can do for her, or would you like to talk about what makes you depressed or anything, and she never responded. I asked her following day was everything ok, and then she blocked me on whatsapp and blocked me on LinkedIn.

I really don't know if I did something wrong, or if she felt under pressure and just doesn't want to talk, or has something happened to her. I don't know should I try and contact her via other ways to make sure she's fine, or just leave it all alone. My counsellor said I should leave it alone as she might just need space, but really not sure as could be she needs help. I know the lack of logic that goes on in our minds when depressed and the pushing people away, and it's not good really, and at least from myself, I get worse when the people don't make an attempt, so really not sure what I should do here, if anyone here can help

Finally cracked and tried to see if she's back online and if I can contact her again, but looks like I'm blocked everywhere. Whatsapp, LinkedIn, Snapchat, my mobile number, and she got back her Facebook account and blocked me on that too. Really have no idea what I did wrong as I thought things were going well and we were connecting, but sure, that's my life. One disappointment after another. Her being ok enough to go back to it all gives me some comfort, but that she wants nothing to do with me crushes me of course.

titan18

titan18 wrote: »

Finally cracked and tried to see if she's back online and if I can contact her again, but looks like I'm blocked everywhere. Whatsapp, LinkedIn, Snapchat, my mobile number, and she got back her Facebook account and blocked me on that too. Really have no idea what I did wrong as I thought things were going well and we were connecting, but sure, that's my life. One disappointment after another. Her being ok enough to go back to it all gives me some comfort, but that she wants nothing to do with me crushes me of course.

It is so important Titan that you don't take tany of this girls personally. It's not a reflection on who you are.

titan18

Deleted User wrote:

It is so important Titan that you don't take tany of this girls personally. It's not a reflection on who you are.

Of course it is, as it happens over and over, and in this case, she's back to talking to other people it seems, just not me. Maybe it's cos she told me about it all, but whatever it is, I'm still the one who loses out. There's clearly some fault in me that drives people away and I just don't know what it is.

Tell me how

titan18 wrote: »

Of course it is, as it happens over and over, and in this case, she's back to talking to other people it seems, just not me. Maybe it's cos she told me about it all, but whatever it is, I'm still the one who loses out. There's clearly some fault in me that drives people away and I just don't know what it is.

I agree once again with what Persepoly said. I also believe that it might be the case that this girl knows that you know the depth of her problems. She might be wanting to move past that part of her life and unfortunately, you remind her of it. If so, it is not a judgement on you as a person that she has broken contact.


But if it is because she simply does not want to interact with you anymore? What does that mean? We all judge every one we meet in some form or another. And we find out we get on better with some people than with others. But there is no instruction book on how to behave so that everyone will like you for it. Yes, we should learn from these experiences, maybe we were loud or dismissive or too fussy or rude but in the vast majority of cases it simply was because we just didn't click. If we changed our personality every time we met someone who didn't like us, we'd be a different person every hour.

I hope that you are working on your issues, your self-esteem, and your confidence and behaviors for you. I do not think you should set out to do any such work so that someone else will like you more because of it. That will not lead to happiness for you.

titan18

Tell me how wrote:

But if it is because she simply does not want to interact with you anymore? What does that mean? We all judge every one we meet in some form or another. And we find out we get on better with some people than with others. But there is no instruction book on how to behave so that everyone will like you for it. Yes, we should learn from these experiences, maybe we were loud or dismissive or too fussy or rude but in the vast majority of cases it simply was because we just didn't click. If we changed our personality every time we met someone who didn't like us, we'd be a different person every hour.

I thought we were getting on well though, really well, and assume she did too as she told me about her health situation. It's depressing that being the best version of myself still isn't good enough, and never seems to be. Just feels absolutely hopeless to try if it gets me nothing but disappointment.

snowflaker

Not having a great weekend of it. Too much time in bed

titan18

titan18 wrote: »

I thought we were getting on well though, really well, and assume she did too as she told me about her health situation. It's depressing that being the best version of myself still isn't good enough, and never seems to be. Just feels absolutely hopeless to try if it gets me nothing but disappointment.

Be the best version of yourself for you titan while at the same time acknowledging you are a human being who isn't perfect and won't always hit the right notes. That's how it is for every single one of us. Why try to work on yourself for other people's benefit? It must be for yours.

titan18

Deleted User wrote:

Be the best version of yourself for you titan while at the same time acknowledging you are a human being who isn't perfect and won't always hit the right notes. That's how it is for every single one of us. Why try to work on yourself for other people's benefit? It must be for yours.

It'd be to my benefit if those people liked me though.

Tell me how

titan18 wrote: »

It'd be to my benefit if those people liked me though.

You're right titan18, it would be nice to be liked by someone. On a scale of happiness of 1-100, it might give you 10-20 points of happiness. Max. But the other 80 points of happiness come from within and how we truly feel about ourselves.

They are influenced by real world circumstances but our own self esteem, and beliefs are the foundation of every single relationship we make and if those foundations are weak, the relationships will always be at risk.

I don't know you in real life but I do know people who measured their happiness solely by how others treated them and I have never seen it work out positively for them. Ultimately, at some point, they all had to learn to love themselves as a priority over other people first.

Foweva Awone

titan18 have you ever read a book called The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz? It's worth a read. Have a listen to this, it's "the second agreement", Don't Take Anything Personally.

"Nothing other people do is because of you; it is because of themselves."

I'm extremely guilty of taking things personally myself; I've been told it's due to my tendency to revert to a "child ego state" as a defense mechanism. In your situtation, chances are her actions/behaviours are all down to her own mental condition and feelings of vulnerability or whatever.

You're projecting this onto you, taking her actions as a reflection of you, and it's not that way - it's all to do with her. It's really important to own the shit that belongs to you in your life - but not to take on other peoples' shit, I think that we've all got more than enough work to do in coping with our own stuff!

jsms88

Hi everyone. Hope ye are getting on ok.

I’ve woken at 2am tonight in a panic. Hypochondria driving me nuts and I’m starting to worry about other things now too as a result.

I need to calm down! But it’s easier said than done.

RabbleRouser2k

titan18 wrote: »

I thought we were getting on well though, really well, and assume she did too as she told me about her health situation. It's depressing that being the best version of myself still isn't good enough, and never seems to be. Just feels absolutely hopeless to try if it gets me nothing but disappointment.

I can empathise titan-and I think there are quite a few reasons why she may have tried to cut off contact.

I've been in a similar situation-I try to 'reach out' to people who I think are going through depression/ anxiety etc...and tbh, it turns out pretty much the same way as your experience. (Well, 3 out of 4 times-the rest of the time I make a new friend).

There can be many reasons-and tbh, I'm not really invested in understanding why-okay, that's a lie, I do care. But I can be a difficult individual to deal with-I've been working on it for a while, and I've gotten better.
And I have the unenviable skill to rub many people up the wrong way. I'm odd, to say the least, with bad social skills. Have discovered quite a few 'insult' names had been assigned to me, behind my back-by people I've never spoken to.

Fuko200

It's been a month now since I last posted, and things aren't getting much better. Halloween was crappy (and it's my favourite day) - my family told me that I need to stop being moody and depressed and I should 'cheer up' even though they know that I have been suffering for years. My oldest sister tried to talk to me but I feel like she'll just blab to my parents about it so I stayed quiet. I went up to my girlfriends house and felt a bit better, but woke up feeling not all there mentally, and we started fighting. I snapped and just felt completely lost - next thing I know I'm on the ground sobbing near a wide open window and her hugging me tightly. She tried to calm me down and I left her home since she was to go into work, and now I'm sitting on the couch trying not to cry again. I have an appointment next week, and I'll have to tell her what happened, and more than likely I'll be admitted which is making me feel even worse.
This year has been utter sh**te.

RabbleRouser2k

RabbleRouser2k wrote: »

I can empathise titan-and I think there are quite a few reasons why she may have tried to cut off contact.

I've been in a similar situation-I try to 'reach out' to people who I think are going through depression/ anxiety etc...and tbh, it turns out pretty much the same way as your experience. (Well, 3 out of 4 times-the rest of the time I make a new friend).

There can be many reasons-and tbh, I'm not really invested in understanding why-okay, that's a lie, I do care. But I can be a difficult individual to deal with-I've been working on it for a while, and I've gotten better.
And I have the unenviable skill to rub many people up the wrong way. I'm odd, to say the least, with bad social skills. Have discovered quite a few 'insult' names had been assigned to me, behind my back-by people I've never spoken to.

I feel I should explain a bit-I left it very 'vague'-but I also got to add that most of this is speculation and a bit of experience.

I have a theory that people with mental illness can detect it in others-no, I have no idea why. But in my experience, I can 'tell'. We all have similar traits.

And some people are really grateful to have someone who understands-and others are completely opposite to that.
I suppose we're conditioned to think hanging out with people with similar issues is a bad thing-based on things like addiction and so on. So some don't want to associate with someone with similar problems-in case it 'makes their's worse'.

Some people have judged me when I've disclosed my mental health probs-and yeah, it stung. But that's their problem, not mine.
Others, due to having bad experiences of it cut off contact (losing family to suicide, for example) as did those who suffer with it and find it hard to see in someone else. Some times there is an element of 'they are coping so well-I am not, that's so unfair'.
When really, it's one of the masks we wear, no amount of 'coping' is without bad days.

And other's I cannot speak for-I've reached out to people, I suppose there is an element of 'white knighting' to it-and that's something I can think all of us can be guilty of at some point.

jsms88

Does anyone else dread free time like days off work? I’ve been off for a few days now and my anxiety and panic is as bad as it’s been in months.

Tell me how

jsms88 wrote: »

Does anyone else dread free time like days off work? I’ve been off for a few days now and my anxiety and panic is as bad as it’s been in months.

There was a time when I found the most difficult time of the week was Friday afternoon from 14:00 to 17:00. Everyone was preparing for the weekend and spirits were high. I often spent all of Saturday and Sunday in Bed and get up about 19:00 on Sunday. I used to be in good form at that time at the thought of going back to work on Monday!

titan18

jsms88 wrote: »

Does anyone else dread free time like days off work? I’ve been off for a few days now and my anxiety and panic is as bad as it’s been in months.

Yup, work provides me with a distraction. Whilst it stresses me out and in particular on Friday afternoons, depresses the hell out of me, I need the distraction it gives. No time to think when you're busy in work

jsms88

Yea, whenever I have time to think I start to freak out. I panic about life in general and where it’s going for me and the bad things that could possibly happen. Sometimes I feel like I’ve messed it all up. I also get really scared of disappointing all the people around me.

snowflaker

jsms88 wrote: »

Does anyone else dread free time like days off work? I’ve been off for a few days now and my anxiety and panic is as bad as it’s been in months.

the weekend when I have nothing planned. I sometimes just stay in bed

Gremlinertia

If i have anything plan i usually don't want to do it, if there is nothing planned i feel like a waste. No winning sometimes

snowflaker

Gremlinertia wrote: »

If i have anything plan i usually don't want to do it, if there is nothing planned i feel like a waste. No winning sometimes

Yes, I get that. I cancelled so much last year.

Avoidance. Life's get-out clause. Still feel shyte anyway. And pangs of guilt.

jsms88

snowflaker wrote: »

Yes, I get that. I cancelled so much last year.

Avoidance. Life's get-out clause. Still feel shyte anyway. And pangs of guilt.

Yea I can understand that. I was supposed to go to a gig up the country over the summer but I didnt go out of the fear of being alone with my head and all the negative thoughts for the whole day!

PMBC

jsms88 wrote: »

Does anyone else dread free time like days off work? I’ve been off for a few days now and my anxiety and panic is as bad as it’s been in months.

It seems to me that anxiety can be at its worst when you are not engaged with something else, either physical or mental. On that basis its a good idea to do something either around the house or outside even if its only sweeping and washing the kitchen floor. Id heard it said but never checked out that the Russian 'cure' for depression was hard work, possibly because physical activity, suchas running, gets the 'happy chemicals' flowing.

PMBC

Fuko200 wrote: »

It's been a month now since I last posted, and things aren't getting much better. Halloween was crappy (and it's my favourite day) - my family told me that I need to stop being moody and depressed and I should 'cheer up' even though they know that I have been suffering for years. My oldest sister tried to talk to me but I feel like she'll just blab to my parents about it so I stayed quiet. I went up to my girlfriends house and felt a bit better, but woke up feeling not all there mentally, and we started fighting. I snapped and just felt completely lost - next thing I know I'm on the ground sobbing near a wide open window and her hugging me tightly. She tried to calm me down and I left her home since she was to go into work, and now I'm sitting on the couch trying not to cry again. I have an appointment next week, and I'll have to tell her what happened, and more than likely I'll be admitted which is making me feel even worse.
This year has been utter sh**te.

Anxious or depressed people have a very negative view of themselves or give more weight to the negatives over the positives.
Look at the good side of your post - you went to see your gf .. and felt a bit better
She hugged you
You left her home, thoughtful that she had to go into work.
Focus and build on those good things. You will get through
Most people are more good than 'bad'; otherwise societies, families would have ceased to exist. We all need support from time to time.

titan18

Yay, another week started. Let's see what misery life throws at me this week

Tell me how

titan18 wrote:

Yay, another week started. Let's see what misery life throws at me this week

Hey titan18.

There might be good things coming your way this week. Just be open to that possibility.

If we are entirely focused on expecting bad things, we often simply don't see the good ones.

I hope something positive happens for you. Anything.

Fuko200

Woke up feeling like absolute sh*t, hormones being acting like mad but I just got told that my Disability Allowance has been granted due to the fact I can’t work for the time being. Now i feel super happy ^^