Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

Gremlinertia

Managing a bit better i think. Have the cold to distract me anyway bloody hell..

Dragons

We should be the highest paid actors in the world.
Its amazing how bad you can be on the inside sometimes and people around you havnt a clue.especially in work situations,its like an art form at this stage,i do be in bits and all the customers are like "you look great" or "you seem ten times better"

L.Jenkins

Haven't posted here in awhile. I had a difficult week with anxiety. I fudged up a little in work over the Christmas, forgetting a few tasks in all the confusion. Was my 3rd wedding anniversary and was up and down between Sligo, Athlone and Limerick. Trying to keep track of everything in all the chaos was difficult and I did cause strain and stress for some.

Since I got back on track last week, I was a mess with anxiety. It was so bad, I was having panic attacks left, right and centre trying to work with the bosses, who weren't too happy at the trail of annoyed customers I had left. It was completely understandable, I had admitted my mistakes and pulled long days to fix what I could.

Now that things have evened out, I am under review now until the end of the month. I intend on putting in a significant effort to restore confidence in my abilities while taking on what I can in the meantime.

So with that in mind, I've asked my psychiatry team for an earlier appointment. I've been documenting things for a while now and will present it to them, when I see them. I don't like to self diagnose, but many are saying it's possibly Adult ADHD on top of Bipolar 2. It would explain a lot if true.

I did notice that while I was in pain during the month of December with my back, I had no choice but to take the recommended dose of Tramadol, which is 100 mg. What I found bizarre was, it improved my concentration and focus quite significantly, allowing me to get through a shton of work with the added bonus of no anxiety, fear or irritability.

Science mods: Delete this post as necessary. I am not and will never advocate the use of any stimulant and I am not seeking medical advice. I am purely sharing my experience and the effects of a painkiller I had noticed over the Christmas.

Thank you all for posting here also. It gives me a place to feel comfortable posting and sharing my experience.

chatticusfinch

There is such a waiting list for appointments these days, you'd despair easy. I hate how the only immediacy with mental health services in this country is when you are literally or figuratively on a ledge. There's not enough support to help those trying their hardest to cope. You shouldn't have to be at rock bottom for some functional care. It's frustrating me no end.

Tell me how

chatticusfinch wrote: »

There is such a waiting list for appointments these days, you'd despair easy. I hate how the only immediacy with mental health services in this country is when you are literally or figuratively on a ledge. There's not enough support to help those trying their hardest to cope. You shouldn't have to be at rock bottom for some functional care. It's frustrating me no end.

Unfortunately the public mental health services could be categorized as only being available for chronic cases.

My biggest concern about the public system, aside from the difficulty in accessing it, is the difficulty in building a relationship with your caregivers as the distance between appointments may mean that they you are meeting a new person or have to virtually start your story from scratch each time.

Do you have the opportunity to engage with your GP to discuss options? They might be able to recommend a low cost therapist option. I think seeing a therapist once a month might be better than seeing a consultant in 6 months.

If you need pharmaceutical treatment, your GP might be able to prescribe.

Tell me how

L.Jenkins wrote: »

Haven't posted here in awhile. I had a difficult week with anxiety. I fudged up a little in work over the Christmas, forgetting a few tasks in all the confusion. Was my 3rd wedding anniversary and was up and down between Sligo, Athlone and Limerick. Trying to keep track of everything in all the chaos was difficult and I did cause strain and stress for some.

Since I got back on track last week, I was a mess with anxiety. It was so bad, I was having panic attacks left, right and centre trying to work with the bosses, who weren't too happy at the trail of annoyed customers I had left. It was completely understandable, I had admitted my mistakes and pulled long days to fix what I could.

Now that things have evened out, I am under review now until the end of the month. I intend on putting in a significant effort to restore confidence in my abilities while taking on what I can in the meantime.

So with that in mind, I've asked my psychiatry team for an earlier appointment. I've been documenting things for a while now and will present it to them, when I see them. I don't like to self diagnose, but many are saying it's possibly Adult ADHD on top of Bipolar 2. It would explain a lot if true.

I did notice that while I was in pain during the month of December with my back, I had no choice but to take the recommended dose of Tramadol, which is 100 mg. What I found bizarre was, it improved my concentration and focus quite significantly, allowing me to get through a shton of work with the added bonus of no anxiety, fear or irritability.

Science mods: Delete this post as necessary. I am not and will never advocate the use of any stimulant and I am not seeking medical advice. I am purely sharing my experience and the effects of a painkiller I had noticed over the Christmas.

Thank you all for posting here also. It gives me a place to feel comfortable posting and sharing my experience.

Hi L.Jenkins. Are you in a permanent role at work or are you concerned about a contract not being renewed? Do you feel the company is supportive? Maybe if you did, you could explain your difficulties regarding anxiety, (in confidence, which they have to respect) and maybe they could appoint someone to mentor you as opposed having you under review which sounds sinister. Mistakes happen so I wouldn't blame yourself too much and as you said, you tried to overcome the problem by working extra.

I think you recognize yourself the dangers in both self diagnosing and leaning on medication which was prescribed for a different purpose. I would be very cautious on both fronts. We hear in the media for example of people ending up with pretty difficult addictions with some medications so while they are necessary, be careful.

I wonder if the difficulties at work are the catalyst for your particularly bad period of anxiety at moment? Hopefully if work settles, you will see the anxiety fade away or at least lessen in intensity.

chatticusfinch

Tell me how wrote: »

Unfortunately the public mental health services could be categorized as only being available for chronic cases.

My biggest concern about the public system, aside from the difficulty in accessing it, is the difficulty in building a relationship with your caregivers as the distance between appointments may mean that they you are meeting a new person or have to virtually start your story from scratch each time.

Do you have the opportunity to engage with your GP to discuss options? They might be able to recommend a low cost therapist option. I think seeing a therapist once a month might be better than seeing a consultant in 6 months.

If you need pharmaceutical treatment, your GP might be able to prescribe.

I appreciate the message, thank you. I'm a long time user of the services, but I'm a high functioning depressive, which means I can hate myself and keep on trucking. It's no less damaging or severe than staying in bed all day; The symptoms are there, but societal pressure forces me having to function somewhat.

I'm with you totally on having to tell your story over and over and over again. To date, there has been no consistency with my caregivers over the last year. Everytime it's a new psychiatrist or doctor, so all I do at these appointments is give the cliff notes to depression, and deal with a de novo diagnosis of depression. It's a pain in the arse, frankly

I have a good relationship with my GP, and am on meds, but I've yet to feel fulfilled or helped by the mental health services here in Galway. I've been depressed for the majority of my life, and it's tough on occassion. On an initial appointment with the services last Autumn, after talking about my problems, I got told by a smug doctor that I shouldn't be taking things so seriously. If ever a terrible clinical manner ever existed it was this one.

It just feels like Irish mental health care is either "You have a case of the Mondays" or "Put the knife down etc" There needs to be some element of preventative, medium level care. This is one of the most depressed countries in the world, and yet we are so deficient in dealing with it. A person shouldn't be on the brink of suicide or self harm to be seen in a reasonable time. A patient shouldn't be caught in a cycle of constant retelling when attenting appointments. Some consistency of care is needed. If I had a heart condition or a bad kidney, there would be a simple plan of care that would be followed. Mental health is just as important, and people are dying daily because of it. Do the powers that be care all that much? The cynic in me doubts it.

I am just angry and down about this tbh, I'm on a waiting list for therapy for 5 months now, and 4 months waitingfor a follow up appointment. I don't want to attend A and E because I shouldn't have to, nor am I self harming. I'm trying to do my utmost to never be in that situation, but the way things are now, it's just utterly annoying.

Part of me wants to give Simon Harris a detailed insight into Irish Mental Health, or a kick in the arse, but at the moments its tough to decide which is more important.

Tell me how

chatticusfinch wrote: »

I am just angry and down about this tbh, I'm on a waiting list for therapy for 5 months now, and 4 months waitingfor a follow up appointment. I don't want to attend A and E because I shouldn't have to, nor am I self harming. I'm trying to do my utmost to never be in that situation, but the way things are now, it's just utterly annoying.

I'm not being smart here but if you heard tomorrow that there was zero help available on the public health system, what would you do?

I only ask this because I wonder if you are waiting for the appointments and therapy there because that is a direction you are facing in.

One thing I can say categorically is that I do not believe there is a single answer or quick fix for anyone suffering with long term depression. This is because if there was, it likely wouldn't have gotten to the stage of being classed as long term but also because when we deal with something like this over an extended period, we adopt a lifestyle which cocoons us. This is necessary to deal with the illness but can be restrictive when trying to move beyond it. In my view.

chatticusfinch

With all due respect, with regards to long term mental illness and depression, waiting for the appointments is the cogent and responsible thing to do. I am waiting for them, because I am seeking help with my illness. Of course there is no simple fix to this, but we're talking about chemical imbalances in the brain as well. You can't blue sky think your way out of diabetes or a broken leg, and when dealing with categorical depression, anxiety, bipolar etc, you need more than a simplistic change your mindset narrative. there has to be a logical form of progression in the clinical sense, as the situation can improve or worsen, like any other malady.

If there was no help available in the public health service, I'd suffer, like the vast majority of people, I imagine. I'd more than likely cope, but that's the point of the exercise here. You're looking to alleviate the depression, not get to the point where I live with it like it's some awful housemate. There is nothing about my life which cocoons me from this ;it's not something I want to be.

I'm long enough on the road to know the extent and severity of this, and I hate it.

Tell me how

chatticusfinch wrote: »

With all due respect, with regards to long term mental illness and depression, waiting for the appointments is the cogent and responsible thing to do. I am waiting for them, because I am seeking help with my illness. Of course there is no simple fix to this, but we're talking about chemical imbalances in the brain as well. You can't blue sky think your way out of diabetes or a broken leg, and when dealing with categorical depression, anxiety, bipolar etc, you need more than a simplistic change your mindset narrative. there has to be a logical form of progression in the clinical sense, as the situation can improve or worsen, like any other malady.

If there was no help available in the public health service, I'd suffer, like the vast majority of people, I imagine. I'd more than likely cope, but that's the point of the exercise here. You're looking to alleviate the depression, not get to the point where I live with it like it's some awful housemate. There is nothing about my life which cocoons me from this ;it's not something I want to be.

I'm long enough on the road to know the extent and severity of this, and I hate it.

I am speaking from my experience. I started receiving treatment for clinical depression over 10 years ago, this included pretty much every form of treatment to some extent up to including inpatient care. During inpatient care I was classed as suffering with treatment resistant depression.

My point in asking your view on non public health care was purely to consider alternatives in the mean time. Not to discount that course entirely.

Would you consider attending a psychotherapist or counsellor Chatticus?

chatticusfinch

I'm on the counselling waiting list since October, which, I suppose, is part of my frustration tonight. Money's a bit tight at the moment for private options sadly.

chatticusfinch

chatticusfinch wrote: »

I'm on the counselling waiting list since October, which, I suppose, is part of my frustration tonight. Money's a bit tight at the moment for private options sadly.

There may be some low cost options out there. I know that the HSE runs a service where you get I think six sessions with a therapist. Your GP refers you. CIPC is the name, Counselling In Primary Care.

Or maybe that's the waiting list you refer to.

chatticusfinch

That's the one, the waiting list is pretty long.

chatticusfinch

chatticusfinch wrote: »

That's the one, the waiting list is pretty long.

That is an awful shame I thought that service might have been a real improvement for mental health waiting lists and care.

kg703

Hi all,

After suffering moderate depression 8 years ago for about 18 months, I came through the other side and was very happy until recently. A couple of teary days kinda started it off, no reason for it whatsoever just felt very down. Recognised it immediately. Been extremely tired for the last few months as well. Every morning is a struggle regardless of how much sleep I am getting. This is mild and I can cope. However, I have found (especially in the last few weeks) I have lost my motivation and interest in my work. I'm letting it pile up and getting myself all worked up about it, but just cannot find any joy or interest in it. Not like me at all, I like to be on top of things and generally before this really liked my job. Now I feel like I hate it and have started looking elsewhere. I can't really pinpoint whats happening here. Anyway not expecting solutions just came for a vent.

RabbleRouser2k wrote: »

I can't keep doing this, tbh. It feels like the more time passes, the weaker and more useless I become.
I stress my mom out, I think-it's like, how useless I feel cannot be put into words.i dont get up, i stay in bed some days and the world carries on without me. People literally close the door and carry on. And its unfair on them. I'm more of a burden now than i was as a child.

Read through a few previous posts and this stood out. You are not useless or worthless and despite going through hard times your families lives are richer for having you. Take your time, understand that you are suffering with mental health issues and try and take small steps towards beating them. The voice in your head is your worst enemy sometimes and I know in my case it wanted me to be miserable. I almost took comfort in hours of crying, sadness and sleepless nights. Put a fight up against that voice.

I have been on that side as well as having a close family member and close friend that suffer from anxiety/depression. I know it can be frustrating trying to help someone with depression and it can be terrifying when it's a family member but trust me - those who love you only want to help and see you better. I have also seen the results of someone taking the permanent exit. It absolutely tears people and families apart. Your mother would rather the stress every single day than that. Trust me.

Dragons

Feel like ive been stuck in a glass box for the last few weeks.would give anything just to be able to get out of my head for a few minutes and be able to completely focus on what im doing instead of all this constant background crap taking up all my time

Gremlinertia

It seems I haven't noticed sliding into a black hole the last number of weeks. Only really became noticeable the last few days..

Tell me how

Gremlinertia wrote: »

It seems I haven't noticed sliding into a black hole the last number of weeks. Only really became noticeable the last few days..

Sorry to hear that Gremlinertia. I wonder is it anything to do with the time of year.
Monday of this week is said to be one of the most depressive days of the year and while that cannot be scientifically verified, I wonder if it is an indication that form in general can be down.

Now that you recognize it, can you tackle it in any particular way?

stargazing123

Gremlinertia wrote: »

It seems I haven't noticed sliding into a black hole the last number of weeks. Only really became noticeable the last few days..

I think it's the time of year. You may be suffering from S. A. D (seasonal affective disorder). Researching this on platforms such as spunout.ie can be really helpful x

RabbleRouser2k

stargazing123 wrote: »

I think it's the time of year. You may be suffering from S. A. D (seasonal affective disorder). Researching this on platforms such as spunout.ie can be really helpful x

I suspect that too. The good news is its easily treated, lamps etc, rather than medications. I've nothing against medications, I'd be a hypocrite if i was, but some people can be.

Gremlinertia

For me it's more to do with anniversaries and that.. Sad to be in your thirties and always thinking of people who are gone well before time I guess.

RabbleRouser2k

Gremlinertia wrote: »

For me it's more to do with anniversaries and that.. Sad to be in your thirties and always thinking of people who are gone well before time I guess.

I get that-for me it can be pets, close friends, family etc I find talking about them helps, but when sometimes people don't want to talk about them. Grieving can be weird. I find when people don't want to talk, that upsets me.

Also, anything from a cold to a flu makes me super depressed. Like, when I was a kid, I got sick a lot-headcolds, flus, swollen glands,even the mumps despite having all my shots. A simple sneeze in my direction, and i was sick.
I feel like patient zero while sick-worried about infecting people.

When I was growing up, if i got a cold, I'd be worried about infecting the rest of the family. My parents worked, were often busy, and a cold would slow them down. My brother had sinus problems, so a cold would make him seriously sick.
So I knew I could affect everyone around me if they caught it.

Still have a serious hypochondria about those kinds of things.

mutedtempest

Hi all! I'm Heather, 35, from America but living in Limerick and hoping to make it my permanent home.

I've got quite the plethora of mental health stuff, but most prevalent is my anxiety (specifically Avoidant Personality Disorder). I was a shut in for around a decade, failed out of lots of degree programs since it was often impossible to go to class, and so on. Moved back to the states from Sweden a couple years ago and finally started therapy, which helped immensely. Also got diagnosed with post traumatic stress, which greatly affects the anxiety. I often think it might be the cause of it, but in my case it's a chicken and egg situation xD

I've been doing relatively all right since moving to Limerick. Able to attend most of my classes (not all, but most!) and am trying to enjoy life as much as possible. My housemates are lovely, which helps a lot. I'm still terrified of leaving my room some days and the Christmas term break was a little rough (went a good three weeks barely leaving my room) but I'm hoping to get back on track soon.

It's good to be here, I hope you're all doing well!

mutedtempest

RabbleRouser2k wrote: »

I get that-for me it can be pets, close friends, family etc I find talking about them helps, but when sometimes people don't want to talk about them. Grieving can be weird. I find when people don't want to talk, that upsets me.

Also, anything from a cold to a flu makes me super depressed. Like, when I was a kid, I got sick a lot-headcolds, flus, swollen glands,even the mumps despite having all my shots. A simple sneeze in my direction, and i was sick.
I feel like patient zero while sick-worried about infecting people.

When I was growing up, if i got a cold, I'd be worried about infecting the rest of the family. My parents worked, were often busy, and a cold would slow them down. My brother had sinus problems, so a cold would make him seriously sick.
So I knew I could affect everyone around me if they caught it.

Still have a serious hypochondria about those kinds of things.

I'm really sorry. Childhood experiences can have such lasting effects, it's a little incredible.

I had the same sort of thing growing up. Family was...well. More than a bit emotionally abusive, and anytime I got sick (which was often, I'm type one diabetic so my immune system is **** xD) all I ever heard was "she can't come home, none of us want to get sick."

To this day it takes a lot of effort for me to visit a doctor out of that sort of fear.

koumi

mutedtempest wrote: »

Hi all! I'm Heather, 35, from America but living in Limerick and hoping to make it my permanent home.

I've got quite the plethora of mental health stuff, but most prevalent is my anxiety (specifically Avoidant Personality Disorder). I was a shut in for around a decade, failed out of lots of degree programs since it was often impossible to go to class, and so on. Moved back to the states from Sweden a couple years ago and finally started therapy, which helped immensely. Also got diagnosed with post traumatic stress, which greatly affects the anxiety. I often think it might be the cause of it, but in my case it's a chicken and egg situation xD

I've been doing relatively all right since moving to Limerick. Able to attend most of my classes (not all, but most!) and am trying to enjoy life as much as possible. My housemates are lovely, which helps a lot. I'm still terrified of leaving my room some days and the Christmas term break was a little rough (went a good three weeks barely leaving my room) but I'm hoping to get back on track soon.

It's good to be here, I hope you're all doing well!

Hey, dats me. Ptsd and my anxiety manifests itself same same. Also OCD and while I received a aspergers daignosis last year am currently awaiting review and therapy for the above.
I had been on Lexapro for anxiety and depression for 4 months I never really settled with it, became housebound and just didn't function at all. Got a new doctor, got PTSD diagnosis and everything fell into place. Its been a rough time getting from there to here but I'm doing so much better now that I understand what's been going on. I'm able to identify triggers and manage better now.

I cancelled referral through public system myself in December so floated through Christmas waiting to get to the other side of it and actually, while January has been a bit hit and miss, for the first time in a long time the work I'm doing is actually hitting the target. Started with new counselor, eating well again and taking regular exercise (difficult when you've been housebound for five months). So I'm looking forward to moving on with my life and I guess no longer afraid to post on this thread

RabbleRouser2k

mutedtempest wrote: »

I'm really sorry. Childhood experiences can have such lasting effects, it's a little incredible.

I had the same sort of thing growing up. Family was...well. More than a bit emotionally abusive, and anytime I got sick (which was often, I'm type one diabetic so my immune system is **** xD) all I ever heard was "she can't come home, none of us want to get sick."

To this day it takes a lot of effort for me to visit a doctor out of that sort of fear.

Thanks, and yeah, like, most of it was all in my head, I mean making people feel bad. Most of them say 'eh, it's only a cold' and that I'm the worst when sick. Which is kinda true, and also not.
The one time I felt horrendous was a bad flu that went around when I was in Junior Cert year. I was sick for a week and a half, with projects and stuff to do. I brought it home, but that year it was everywhere-tons of folks had it. Well, it could be caught anywhere. But I got it, it was the worst I ever had, in terms of flus. My dad caught it, he got a chest infection, and my mom caught it and it turned into pneumonia for her. Both were sick for a solid 3 or 4 weeks.
There was always stress about getting sick, but that year was the worst-my brother and me had to help out on the farm, while my parents recovered. 8am or 9am starts, sometimes so tired I overslept. Was a solid year before I fully recovered.

I've even had that 'he can't come home' as well. When I was working, or other stuff. I was often so sick I had to survive on cereal and 7up/ water. I couldn't go shopping, because I was too sick.

Crystalberet

Hi I have anxiety/panic disorder, It stemmed originally from IBS but has evolved over the last 12 years. I worry about everything , over analyse things all the time and I am constantly in panic mode the last few weeks, can't sleep, always jumping up like I've stopped breathing. Just back from a holiday last weekend and to the doctor yesterday, I am like a basket case when I'm away, afraid to go too far from apartment etc, I thought I was going to die from heart attack so many times due to abnormal ecg which is being looked at , I had insomnia, pacing floors , my family think I'm a nut job, I am 37 , have a husband and 7 year old son who's noticing my behaviour lately so I have decided to go on meds. Was given Sertaline, but I am too frightened to take them in case I have an allergic reaction and die! It's a vicious circle, got them yesterday and spent the day googling side affects etc making myself mad, I can't go on like this anymore as it's causing a strain on my relationship so I need to deal with it, I am Hoping to get the courage in the next few days to take this pill as I have to go back in 5 weeks, I read they are meant to make you feel nauseous and your anxiety worsens as your body gets use to it, worried it will affect my work, don't know what to do 😭

Gremlinertia

Hi Crystal, welcome to the thread, think you'll find a lot of like minded people here.. First off, try not to doctor Google things, your gp treated you as an individual and the net combines all kinds of information and usually people like you or me gravitate to the worst possible scenario..
Do you go to a counsellor or something like that?.