Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

wexie

koumi wrote: »

One of the affects of my anxiety is selective mutism. It's a bit of an awkward thing and has affected a lot of different areas in my life. Communication is such a vital tool in getting help so it was a bit of a double whammy, when you can't express that. Writing is great for me because it makes me feel less dumb, literally. I have the freedom to express myself and communicate my thoughts much more clearly than I can in real time and verbally. (although I know one day I'm going to do that) I don't know if others experience this too but I'd love to hear from you if you do.

I think I might know what you mean by this . I tend to go through long periods of being withdrawn insofar that sometimes it gets to be pretty hard to either phrase things in a way that (I think) people might understand, or sometimes I just can't really figure out how I'm actually feeling. So I just end up not communicating too well.

I need to constantly keep reminding myself that a) people are a lot more understanding, or at least willing to listen than I tend to think. and b) even if I can't quite figure out how I'm doing or what I'm feeling talking about it might make it all a little bit clearer, or a little bit less relevant.

I've certainly found writing to be helpful (even though I don't do enough of it, keep telling myself I should start a blog or even just a diary but....mweh....ya know ) to help crystallize thoughts and make things a little clearer. I think it's something to do with the actual act of thinking out and forming sentences rather than just thinking in lots of abstracts and feelings. I'm not sure that makes sense?

I've had a few stays in hospital and one of the things I learned about talking, even just chatting about completely random things, is that when I least feel like it is when I need it the most

Gremlinertia

Struggling to keep a lid on my hypochondria, trying so hard not to see every bodily function as some symptom of a bigger health problem. Oh the anxiety

worded

Tell me how wrote: »

When I was deep in depression and on meds, I used have incredibly detailed and layered dreams which would feel as long as a film. I always thought it was the meds.

Something rocked me a bit yesterday and I woke at 4 last night (this morning) and couldn't sleep again until about half seven. I then had a similar dream. Same as before, very detailed and the characters in it treated me in a way that fuels the negativity from yesterday.
Not on meds at the moment.

This makes me think of two things.

A - The mind is an incredible, incredible thing.
B - Why does it formulate scenarios which makes us feel more vulnerable, what does "it" gain from doing so? Why not a dream which would increase confidence instead of one which strips away of any you do have and tells you it's false. Surely it would be more self-preserving for the mind to behave in that way.

Going for a cycle now before the dark thoughts tell me not to bother.

Interesting ted talk, his voice a bit off putting but some content good
https://ted.com/talks/guy_winch_the_case_for_emotional_hygiene?utm_source=sms&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=tedspread--b


Stoic / decision making etc
https://www.ted.com/talks/tim_ferriss_why_you_should_define_your_fears_instead_of_your_goals/up-next

Marzipan85

Hi All,

Feeling quite crap at the moment and limited outlets due to the weather. I have an appointment with my doctor coming up in a few weeks and I'm thinking I might need to change my medication. This isn't the life I want to be living and if a change in medication can help then I think I better take it. Having thoughts which are definite signs of depression, such as writing to favourite actors and saying 'I'm so glad I got to see you in that film before I topped myself' sort of thing :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

Anyone else out there struggling ?

M

Tell me how

Marzipan85 wrote: »

Hi All,

Feeling quite crap at the moment and limited outlets due to the weather. I have an appointment with my doctor coming up in a few weeks and I'm thinking I might need to change my medication. This isn't the life I want to be living and if a change in medication can help then I think I better take it. Having thoughts which are definite signs of depression, such as writing to favourite actors and saying 'I'm so glad I got to see you in that film before I topped myself' sort of thing :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

Anyone else out there struggling ?

M

Hi Marzipan85. Hope the visit to the Dr is positive for you. Do you see a therapist as well as the medical approach?

worded

Exercise and how it has a positive effect on the brain

Lots of ted talks if you search. Try search for happiness,
Some interesting talks on that as well

https://www.ted.com/talks/wendy_suzuki_the_brain_changing_benefits_of_exercise/up-next?utm_source=newsletter_weekly_2018-03-02&utm_campaign=newsletter_weekly&utm_medium=email&utm_content=talk_of_the_week_button

jaxxx

worded wrote: »

Exercise and how it has a positive effect on the brain

Lots of ted talks if you search. Try search for happiness,
Some interesting talks on that as well

https://www.ted.com/talks/wendy_suzuki_the_brain_changing_benefits_of_exercise/up-next?utm_source=newsletter_weekly_2018-03-02&utm_campaign=newsletter_weekly&utm_medium=email&utm_content=talk_of_the_week_button

Exercise is my kryptonite :pac:

Thinking... just thinking mind you... of going to an Aware support group next week... I'm in two minds about it. What's stupid is I keep trying to convince myself that I'm not... ok my brain is failing me at the moment, cannot bring out the words... What I'm trying to say is that I don't think my depression/anxiety is as bad as other people's (wait should that be people's or peoples' - my brain is being super derpy right now :mad:) and that I would feel almost guilty about going... I know, that sounds completely dumb doesn't it?

RabbleRouser2k

Marzipan85 wrote: »

Hi All,

Feeling quite crap at the moment and limited outlets due to the weather. I have an appointment with my doctor coming up in a few weeks and I'm thinking I might need to change my medication. This isn't the life I want to be living and if a change in medication can help then I think I better take it. Having thoughts which are definite signs of depression, such as writing to favourite actors and saying 'I'm so glad I got to see you in that film before I topped myself' sort of thing :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

Anyone else out there struggling ?

M

Feels like I could have written this post-almost had to double check to see I hadn't.

Yeah, it's been a weird few days. Went out Tuesday, to try and clear my head a little (grocery shopping, among a few other things) and make sure I didn't get cabin fever.
Well by that evening, the snow struck. Fine, had everything I wanted, sorted out and happy-ish. Well, then the last few days kinda went 'prickly'.
I really overslept the following day, on account of being up late working.

I think it's related to my OCD and anxiety, especially with how some words can 'offend' or really bum me out (I go from chipper to 'screw everything' in a minute). I sort of can explain it, but certain words can sort of make me lose all enthusiasm. It's definitely related to my OCD, because other words used to sort of 'trigger' it, and now they don't. Instead, other words do.
At times it feels like I'm caged in, the snow is an excuse. But in reality, it's something else.

My mom thinks I should seek out some kind of course or training to get me into a job I'd enjoy, even hinting at 'this one down the road went for this, didn't like it, so they went for this job instead, and love it' and I just think 'nobody'll want me'. Whenever I try and train for something, I get treated like crap.
Either that, or life gets in the way.
And I leave (Outside of doing two Fetacs in my life time).
I've got no social life, never really have. And there's this major feeling of a wasted life.

CakeLumps

I've always know I was sad, moody and just irritable, for as long as i can remember. I just thought how I was. But the last few months have really gotten hard for me. I went to counselling nearly last year and didn't find it as helpful as people said. And then it just went back to my "weird" self. Over analysing any and every interaction I have with people, thinking people don't like like me, are out to get me or just don't care about me ( I certainly don't), I'm very judgemental about everything I do, and I try not to get my hopes up as they will be dashed. I have a fair bit of self hatred, body issues, confidence issues and just a bleak and grey outlook on life. "Fake it till you make it" has never applied so much to me as it has the last few years. I'll just throw on a smile and say yeah I'm good, great etc just so I wont be a burden, a pest for other people.

I can never put into words how I feel, because I genuinely don't know what is wrong. I've been to my GP and have been put on Anti-Depressants for the last month and a half and have been going to CBT (Cognitive behavioural therapy) since mid January and I really don't know how much more I can take the feeling of despair, just in a black void. Sure there are some day where I feel good, happy etc but those thoughts just always come back to me. I've been working in retail for 3 years, after dropping out of college, and atm I'm starting to feel lost. I'm starting to lose any and all hope that I will get better. I'm a 22 yo gay dropout who has no experience and just don't know how to properly cope.

I'm not sure why I'm writing this to be honest. If its just to ask about any others experiences or just to talk about what I'm feeling.

kg703

CakeLumps wrote: »

I've always know I was sad, moody and just irritable, for as long as i can remember. I just thought how I was. But the last few months have really gotten hard for me. I went to counselling nearly last year and didn't find it as helpful as people said. And then it just went back to my "weird" self. Over analysing any and every interaction I have with people, thinking people don't like like me, are out to get me or just don't care about me ( I certainly don't), I'm very judgemental about everything I do, and I try not to get my hopes up as they will be dashed. I have a fair bit of self hatred, body issues, confidence issues and just a bleak and grey outlook on life. "Fake it till you make it" has never applied so much to me as it has the last few years. I'll just throw on a smile and say yeah I'm good, great etc just so I wont be a burden, a pest for other people.

I can never put into words how I feel, because I genuinely don't know what is wrong. I've been to my GP and have been put on Anti-Depressants for the last month and a half and have been going to CBT (Cognitive behavioural therapy) since mid January and I really don't know how much more I can take the feeling of despair, just in a black void. Sure there are some day where I feel good, happy etc but those thoughts just always come back to me. I've been working in retail for 3 years, after dropping out of college, and atm I'm starting to feel lost. I'm starting to lose any and all hope that I will get better. I'm a 22 yo gay dropout who has no experience and just don't know how to properly cope.

I'm not sure why I'm writing this to be honest. If its just to ask about any others experiences or just to talk about what I'm feeling.

Hey,

You're in that peak age where depression can really kick in. I was the same age & it took a good 18 months to get out of it. Could of told anyone that it would never happen again and here I am age 30 suffering from mild intermittent depression. Only difference is I recognise it and am working towards changing it (need a change of career I think - stuck in a boring rut)

Life is so overwhelming at that age and it can be hard to enjoy it when you are trying to see a big picture all the time - how will I afford a house, what career am I going to have, I want a good relationship, do I have enough friends etc. etc. I think you need to talk to whomever you are closest to and tell them how you are feeling. You are important to people no matter what that voice in your head tells you and leaving them would devastate them. I've seen this first hand, the mark someone checking out to early leaves is horrendous. If you have a good friend they will want to know how you are feeling and they can help.

You have to fight yourself sometimes. Only going from my own experiences here, everyone is different but the temptation to stay in bed and mourn the life I think I should have can be strong and I find distracting myself and really fighting those thoughts are a good coping mechanism. I'm not useless at everything, people do love me, I have a job, I have a husband now - things are going ok. I might be overweight but not too much and I can get back to my healthy self and I know I will feel better when I do. And my clothes might fit again :rolleyes:

Have you ever considered travelling or do you think you are strong enough to do so? It sounds daunting but it was the best thing I ever did. When I had no ties up and left and spent 14 months out of the country. Worked jobs that I knew didnt matter, met so many people who didnt know me or my background so I was a new person to everyone. Changed my life for the better knowing whats out there. I worked here for a couple of years to save money and left when I was 23. Took a few weeks of tears and adjustment but stuck it out and have some of the best memories of my life.

You are young, you can change careers, try things out and don't ever feel too down on yourself if they don't work out. Despite what social media tells you, we are all just muddling along trying to make things work and trying to find happiness. People on social media are only showing you highlights to make it look better - everyones got their dark days.

Keep going - the happy times will be worth it. And look after yourself - you are number one. Treat yourself like it.

http://www.thebookoflife.org/on-soothing/

A lovely article which some of you may be interested in

vg88

Depression is sneaking up on me after almost two years of being off the medication. Meeting counselor at work tomorrow to try throw the kitchen sink at it to stop it coming back.

Anyone have any experience with letting work now about history of depression and possible being on the verge of it again?

CakeLumps

moloner4 wrote: »

Depression is sneaking up on me after almost two years of being off the medication. Meeting counselor at work tomorrow to try throw the kitchen sink at it to stop it coming back.

Anyone have any experience with letting work now about history of depression and possible being on the verge of it again?

Hey
After months of just breaking down crying in work I had to let them know what was going on and they were really supportive. I hope all workplaces are like that and they'll understand what you're going through. They'll just be worried for your well being.

Be honest, mainly because it's just so damn good to talk and know there's someone in work who can help you cope.

Graces7

Hope this fits here.. someone once gave me the acronym. FEAR. false evdence appearing real. Twice in the last few years I have been surprised that I am no longer phobic about long lived terrors
One was of heights; until one day at Mizen Head I braved THE BRIDGE to find no fear..

Another was a deep rooted fear re small boats. I hesitated months re moving here as the ferry in a curragh... You guessed? I loved the sea crossing and the rougher the better.

The moral is? Do not be afraid to try occasionally; these things like many mind moods can become simply habits? I sweat to think how I almost gave up coming here

vg88

CakeLumps wrote: »

Hey
After months of just breaking down crying in work I had to let them know what was going on and they were really supportive. I hope all workplaces are like that and they'll understand what you're going through. They'll just be worried for your well being.

Be honest, mainly because it's just so damn good to talk and know there's someone in work who can help you cope.

I went and they were quite caring but concerned at the same time. They are making see my local GP next week and they wish to be involved and help.

Hopeful I can nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand

CakeLumps

moloner4 wrote: »

I went and they were quite caring but concerned at the same time. They are making see my local GP next week and they wish to be involved and help.

Hopeful I can nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand

They just want the best for you, which can show your employers are really caring and understanding. It's great that their caring and of course they're gonna be concerned. They have a duty of care in the workplace and wouldn't want anything to affect your work.

Graces7

Graces7 wrote: »

Hope this fits here.. someone once gave me the acronym. FEAR. false evdence appearing real. Twice in the last few years I have been surprised that I am no longer phobic about long lived terrors
One was of heights; until one day at Mizen Head I braved THE BRIDGE to find no fear..

Another was a deep rooted fear re small boats. I hesitated months re moving here as the ferry in a curragh... You guessed? I loved the sea crossing and the rougher the better.

The moral is? Do not be afraid to try occasionally; these things like many mind moods can become simply habits? I sweat to think how I almost gave up coming here

This is the Mizen Head bridge,,,,

https://www.google.ie/search?q=mizen+head&rlz=1CAACAJ_enIE693IE693&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiIjujAyN3ZAhUSesAKHVaqCjgQ_AUICigB&biw=911&bih=436#imgrc=JqxqPHRDhbe8ZM:

jaxxx

I don't know how many roads a man needs to walk down before you can call him a man, I just know that I want to get off the road!!

Ever get that feeling that the universe just hates you/has it out for you or you are just that damn unlucky? Yeah...

RabbleRouser2k

jaxxx wrote: »

I don't know how many roads a man needs to walk down before you can call him a man, I just know that I want to get off the road!!

Ever get that feeling that the universe just hates you/has it out for you or you are just that damn unlucky? Yeah...

Yep, and yep.

I'm a guy who has no career-essentially I've been a hard worker on farms etc, but tend to not get paid.
Every time I try to better myself, I get thrown under the bus...if someone tried to run me over with a bus, folks would probably cheer them on. I find it incredibly difficult to make friends, my flaws seem to be magnified by individuals. I have about two friends from secondary school, and one or two from courses I've taken. Which, considering the amount of courses I've done, is pretty significantly poor.
It's often sheer fluke that I do make friends. But they don't stick around. They don't contact me on facebook or twitter either. I know people have their own lives to live, but a 'howya doing' would be appreciated.

I was talking to my brother a day or two ago. He believes, just on observation, that maybe our dad had depression as well (he's been dead for almost 15 years, terminal cancer-our dad, not my brother). Growing up, we never went anywhere, it was a controlled household. Complete with always working.
No birthday parties either. No foreign holidays.
Stuck in the one damn place.

My family think the medication I'm taking may not be doing the job it used to. I don't think they're far off, but I think it's more than the meds. Seems like there's something else.
Just a ton of crap was thrown at me for the last number of years, and I want it to stop. Seems like some people are bullet proof, I on the other hand am sitting here watching people I know move on with their lives, fall in love, marry, have kids...
I feel like a dead weight, not an anchor, but holding people back.

I've ran out my meds and went for a smoke yesterday. Huge surge of anxiety right away. I forget how much they do for me.

jaxxx

I'm starting to think my body is attacking my antidepressants much like white blood cells attack pathogens... Except the latter is good, the former not so much.

FML... FML... [insert really really really really long sigh]... FML :mad:

RabbleRouser2k

RabbleRouser2k wrote: »

Yep, and yep.

I'm a guy who has no career-essentially I've been a hard worker on farms etc, but tend to not get paid.
Every time I try to better myself, I get thrown under the bus...if someone tried to run me over with a bus, folks would probably cheer them on. I find it incredibly difficult to make friends, my flaws seem to be magnified by individuals. I have about two friends from secondary school, and one or two from courses I've taken. Which, considering the amount of courses I've done, is pretty significantly poor.
It's often sheer fluke that I do make friends. But they don't stick around. They don't contact me on facebook or twitter either. I know people have their own lives to live, but a 'howya doing' would be appreciated.

I was talking to my brother a day or two ago. He believes, just on observation, that maybe our dad had depression as well (he's been dead for almost 15 years, terminal cancer-our dad, not my brother). Growing up, we never went anywhere, it was a controlled household. Complete with always working.
No birthday parties either. No foreign holidays.
Stuck in the one damn place.

My family think the medication I'm taking may not be doing the job it used to. I don't think they're far off, but I think it's more than the meds. Seems like there's something else.
Just a ton of crap was thrown at me for the last number of years, and I want it to stop. Seems like some people are bullet proof, I on the other hand am sitting here watching people I know move on with their lives, fall in love, marry, have kids...
I feel like a dead weight, not an anchor, but holding people back.

Have you ever tried to get help Rabble? Counselling? Even attending a Grow meeting maybe.

titan18

Called in sick today as couldn't face work. I feel like the next time I'm in, I'll hand in my notice, and despite applying for loads of jobs, I've got feck all interviews out of it.

Work has been slowly killing me over the last 2 months after I got taken off the team I enjoyed working with cos of budget reasons, and moved/promoted into a different role. I really want to leave the place but feel like a failure if I do without another job lined up.

titan18

titan18 wrote: »

Called in sick today as couldn't face work. I feel like the next time I'm in, I'll hand in my notice, and despite applying for loads of jobs, I've got feck all interviews out of it.

Work has been slowly killing me over the last 2 months after I got taken off the team I enjoyed working with cos of budget reasons, and moved/promoted into a different role. I really want to leave the place but feel like a failure if I do without another job lined up.

Is there anyone in work who could talk to about this? You could move position yet again. I did it recently myself.

titan18

Deleted User wrote:

Is there anyone in work who could talk to about this? You could move position yet again. I did it recently myself.

Wasn't my choice to move originally, it was company budgets being reduced in areas so don't really think I can move position. I've tried but looked at one position and talked to a manager about it and was told I wasn't good enough in nice langauge.

Graces7

Forgive if this is off the mark; but please remember we have had a long cold, dark winter, with snow drama. The weather ,especially the light, affects us far more than most realise.

As an SAD sufferer to a disabling degree, I have learned this the hard way and now make full allowances for my inner darkness.

Rather than blame myself or anything else.

A couple of weeks ago, with the longer light, the SAD started to lift.

The difference was incredible. The house got cleaned !

So please be easy on you? We are natural creatures. Bears hibernate... We struggle on.

RabbleRouser2k

Deleted User wrote: »

Have you ever tried to get help Rabble? Counselling? Even attending a Grow meeting maybe.

Yeah, three times, and had mixed results. One was great. One was okay, i did change behaviours because of them. Like, cut back on a few ocd things, including lesser handwashing. (I use to keep 3 bottles of soap on the sink, each for different reasons, like 'going out', 'to go to toilet etc').

Another I went to during my dad's illness, and terminal diagnosis. She was cold, tbh. Clinical. When my dad was diagnosed as terminal, she was often unrealistic (like take time for yourself, go to a concert etc). The problem was she wouldn't listen when I'd tell her my dad would get a seizure every week or every two weeks. They were unpredictable.So if I was away, and he had a seizure, it would mean having to roll him into the recovery position, and possibly calling the doctor.

He even had a seizure the morning after one of my counselling sessions. Had to go into hospital. She'd often be like 'well, your dad could die in a couple of years', when the docs told us he had 12 months, as he had no treatment options. I even told her that.

The week he died, she essentially cut me loose. Told me to take time for myself, then arrange a date for a new session.
That was the last time I ever spoke to her.

Most of my talking since then was the Samaritans, and online forums. And books, I'm the kind of guy who feels understanding the intricacies of things helps me better understand my condition.

veganrun

Been a while since I was here. I've mostly been ok anxiety wise. Chatted to the Dr last week and reduced my dose.

I still have issues with health anxiety though. I've a small skin complain at the moment and I didn't think too much of it but started focussing on it this morning and now I can't think of anything else. I'm going to call into the pharmacist to have it checked incase I need cream or something or need to go to the GP. However as always in these scenarios there's a constant battle in my head about what to do. If I go it could clear up after they give me something but what if I'm opening a can of worms by going and things just get worse. Then I feel like just hiding and hoping it goes away.

veganrun

Went to a pharmacist. He seemed to think it was a fungal thing so gave me some cream. Don't know why but I feel down now and in low mood.

@ Rabble, would you consider going back to the therapist you found great?