Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

jaxxx

Today was a bad day. An mental/emotional eruption is how I could best describe it... If it never happened again it'd be too soon.

Morby

jaxxx wrote: »

Today was a bad day. An mental/emotional eruption is how I could best describe it... If it never happened again it'd be too soon.

Sorry to hear that. Hope you feel better tomorrow after a good nights sleep.

RabbleRouser2k

Deleted User wrote: »

@ Rabble, would you consider going back to the therapist you found great?

Thanks Persepoly, but I think she's retired. It was about ten years ago, and she was probably on the verge of retiring then.

Big Vern

RabbleRouser2k wrote: »

Thanks Persepoly, but I think she's retired. It was about ten years ago, and she was probably on the verge of retiring then.

I would recommend that you have a look for someone new. I had an up down year and went for some therapy, it was the best thing i ever done.

Have a search on line, look for any reviews. Once you find someone that you are comfortable with go with them.

Dont be too hard on yourself!

RabbleRouser2k

Big Vern wrote: »

I would recommend that you have a look for someone new. I had an up down year and went for some therapy, it was the best thing i ever done.

Have a search on line, look for any reviews. Once you find someone that you are comfortable with go with them.

Dont be too hard on yourself!

It's hard not to be when you're at a point in life where it's like 'Why bother?'

Tell me how

RabbleRouser2k wrote:

It's hard not to be when you're at a point in life where it's like 'Why bother?'

Because it can and does help, difficult and all it is to believe that right now.

Big Vern

RabbleRouser2k wrote: »

It's hard not to be when you're at a point in life where it's like 'Why bother?'

I know its hard, ive been there myself, was my own worst critic at times. You just have to make little changes, take one step at a time.

Gremlinertia

I haven't posted here in a while been having a weird time of it, partners illness has been brutal since the start of the year, I've been to too many funerals and a cousin has stage four cancer.. I'm alternating between despair, rage and crippling anxiety. Sorry for the downer update though my head is a little more together now.

ds4593

Does anyone know someone who practices CBASP?

I’ve gone down the CBT (with medication) route many times but from my experience, it is not effective with treating severe depression. I’m suffering from double depression (major & chronic depression along with AvPD).

So if anyone can point me towards someone who practices CBASP I would be extremely grateful.

jaxxx

Maybe I'm being far too self critical here (as usual I suppose) but Stephen Hawking's death has gotten to me a bit. Everything he accomplished in his life despite his motor neurone disease for the majority of it, and yet me, a fully able bodied young person, just... wastes life. Makes me feel extremely ashamed to be honest. Yeah yeah, I know depression is something I never asked for nor do I have much direct control of it, but I still can't escape feeling so guilty.

trixiebust

Gremlinertia wrote: »

I haven't posted here in a while been having a weird time of it, partners illness has been brutal since the start of the year, I've been to too many funerals and a cousin has stage four cancer.. I'm alternating between despair, rage and crippling anxiety. Sorry for the downer update though my head is a little more together now.

Life is such a bitch Grem - believe me I know all about it. Things will be ok, trust me, I've been through hell & back - but have found a light at the end of the tunnel. You can do it too

Graces7

trixiebust wrote: »

Life is such a bitch Grem - believe me I know all about it. Things will be ok, trust me, I've been through hell & back - but have found a light at the end of the tunnel. You can do it too

Amen to this. I finally came through to some peace after thirty years of the sheer hell of misdiagnosis and abuse. My life is very limited now but i have a peace and acceptance inmy heart and mind of the reality of my condition. . I think t he accpetance part is the key

Now I treasure life bad times and all, well, most of the time!

ds4593

jaxxx wrote: »

Maybe I'm being far too self critical here (as usual I suppose) but Stephen Hawking's death has gotten to me a bit. Everything he accomplished in his life despite his motor neurone disease for the majority of it, and yet me, a fully able bodied young person, just... wastes life. Makes me feel extremely ashamed to be honest. Yeah yeah, I know depression is something I never asked for nor do I have much direct control of it, but I still can't escape feeling so guilty.

I do compare myself to others who are on a similar level to myself, but who have achieved more than me. Sure part of their success is due to being in a better financial situation along with being in the right place at the right time. They can make the most of their luck with their financial backing. But I don’t feel guilty for not being the same. Those factors are outside of my control. Sure I feel annoyed, but not guilty.
However I do feel guilty about my depression acting as a factor, limiting what I can achieve. Because my failing to overcome depression is my fault. It’s also my fault that my depression has an adverse affect on people around me.

But I hear what you are saying. Someone with extremely life challenging issues has managed to accomplish so much, while you & I for that matter, haven’t.
Just remember that the man was a genius. He also has a huge support network throughout his career. I’m not underplaying his issues at all. It’s amazing what he has done. But he didn’t do it alone.
It does feel like you are being too self critical.

Graces7

And remember that folk with more easily treated illnesses get a huge amount of support that we do not. Just now I am left with no medical cr or doctor or pain relief because I have M.E

jaxxx

jaxxx wrote: »

Maybe I'm being far too self critical here (as usual I suppose) but Stephen Hawking's death has gotten to me a bit. Everything he accomplished in his life despite his motor neurone disease for the majority of it, and yet me, a fully able bodied young person, just... wastes life. Makes me feel extremely ashamed to be honest. Yeah yeah, I know depression is something I never asked for nor do I have much direct control of it, but I still can't escape feeling so guilty.

Stephen Hawking was an extraordinary man Jaxxx, a Supernova. To compare yourself to him is like comparing yourself to a bird, "they can fly so why can't I". We all have our own journeys to make and victories which are relative to who we are. Sometimes the biggest triumphs are in the small things like getting dressed every day, seeing some positivity in what you already have, telling yourself "I'm ok".

ds4593

I’ve been extremely disillusioned with the help I’ve been getting through CBT.

So far all the therapists seem to be out of their comfort zone when treating me.
The treatment from multiple people just isn’t working. But it’s not like I’m refusing to work with them. I am always polite, honest and I am actively seeking help and ways to improve.

But the problem is that so far I am resistant to treatment, both therapy and medication. Combine that with the feeling that the therapists don’t listen/understand and the idea of getting help just feels unrealistic.

It’s a little difficult to explain so I’ll give a basic example.
This actually applies to every therapist so far that I have seen for CBT, but I’m using the last one for the example.

The therapist got me to fill out some tests/charts. He looked and sounded somewhat shocked when everything was in the red, even though I previously explained my severity to him. It feels like none of them take your word for it when you explain how you feel. That or they just assume you are exaggerating.
Anyway, he asked me to pick some of the issues so we could look at them first and work towards them.
I told him that they are all intertwined and focusing on one or two won’t help as they all feed off one another other. But none the less, I did suggest the ones that were most pressing.
He said that we would have to touch on those topics at a later date (which always seems to happen) and picked different ones to work on.
He gave me actions to do and explained what to do. At the end he asked how do I feel about that.
I said “extremely disillusioned”.
He said “okay good... wait sorry what?”

This just screamed out to me that he was expecting a particular reply and when that didn’t happen it knocked him off guard.

I explained that I have already tried to implement these actions multiple times in the past. I said that the initial action is fine (although I am capable of thinking of these actions by myself) because I do want to get better. The issue is that I don’t have the skills to make the actions amount to anything meaningful and in most cases it just makes things worse. I then asked for advice to stop me from falling into the same pitfalls. He did nothing to help my disillusioned mindset and could only repeat himself.
His job is meant to challenge my mindset and help me perceive things from a positive light. This is something every therapist has failed to do so far. It feels like they are telling me common sense things that I already know and when it comes to answers I need, they push it off for another day.
I’ve also told them that if it sounds like I am putting pressure and responsibilities on them, that isn’t my intent. I would rather do this on my own. But so far I have undoubtedly proven that I don’t have the ability to do this alone and at this stage if I don’t get help I risk loosing a lot.
I know my depression will never go. I just want help so I can at least hide it and pretend I can live a normal life for the sake of everyone close to me.

As soon as that last session ended I broke down and cried when I was on my own.

Am I the only one who has issues with CBT? Does anyone else have issues gaining help from CBT?
Maybe I’ve just been unlucky with my therapists.
Am I looking in the wrong area for help?

I did already ask if anyone knows someone who practices CBASP but that’s just a long shot.
I am in the process of changing medication yet again. Maybe something will change.

Sorry for the long post complaining. I would just like to hear other people’s experience with treatment.

@ ds4593, have you tried any other form of therapy that isn't CBT based?

mg1982

I found cbt therapy not helpful at all for me ds4593 so your not alone. Some people it seems to work wonders for so maybe it depends on the person. What works for one person might not be helpful for another.

tantan2

I'm the same, therapy hasn't worked for me either, started new meds 6 weeks ago, so far they not working either, back to pdoc next Monday, it can't come soon enough, Im getting so disheartend.

jaxxx

I also tried CBT. About as useful as a feather in a gun fight. A good while ago now, but it was just pointless. Some of us just have titanium enforced minds I guess.

For a long time I was considering ECT. The only thing really that scared me off of it was the potential memory loss. My memory isn't great at the best of times, so the risk of adding to it was too much.

tantan2

Oh God, ECT has crossed my mind this week too, I'm scared incase it's my only option, none of the Antidepressants seem to ba able to lift my mood, these new ones not only have me so depressed and a loss of I Teresa in everything and I'm scared witless also, on one hand I feel I have no future and am ready to go, the other hand I'm terrified of getting a terminal illness, I'm also very irritated.
Therapy for me just brings up the past, nothing significant to find there

kod87

jaxxx wrote: »

I also tried CBT. About as useful as a feather in a gun fight. A good while ago now, but it was just pointless. Some of us just have titanium enforced minds I guess.

For a long time I was considering ECT. The only thing really that scared me off of it was the potential memory loss. My memory isn't great at the best of times, so the risk of adding to it was too much.

That pretty much sums up how I feel about CBT also. CBT makes so much sense, but the way I think is just a built in part of who I am, it's automatic and I feel I have no control over it. For CBT to be effective I would need daily CBT sessions for at least 20 years, even then I'm not sure I'm capable of fundamentally changing my thought patterns enough to make any meaningful difference to my mood.

ds4593

First off, thanks everyone for the replies.

kod87 wrote: »

That pretty much sums up how I feel about CBT also. CBT makes so much sense, but the way I think is just a built in part of who I am, it's automatic and I feel I have no control over it. For CBT to be effective I would need daily CBT sessions for at least 20 years, even then I'm not sure I'm capable of fundamentally changing my thought patterns enough to make any meaningful difference to my mood.

I feel the same. Parts of it make sense. At least the parts I can relate to. But it does change or challenge my way of thinking. Not matter how much it may make sense to act a certain way, things just feel hardwired and I follow the path I always do.
Any deviations I manage to make away from my normal train of though are short lived (like minutes) and the negativity comes flooding back.

Deleted User wrote: »

@ ds4593, have you tried any other form of therapy that isn't CBT based?

No I haven’t tried any other therapy yet.

Gremlinertia

I did DBT which I found hard to buy into, the one to one therapy part was good although madly frustrating at times. Everything seems so maddeningly obvious on paper but my mind is so locked into its behaviours that nothing occurs to me when I'm down.. Keep going, this too shall pass.. (I hate that I use stupid platitudes too)

ds4593

Gremlinertia wrote: »

I did DBT which I found hard to buy into, the one to one therapy part was good although madly frustrating at times. Everything seems so maddeningly obvious on paper but my mind is so locked into its behaviours that nothing occurs to me when I'm down.. Keep going, this too shall pass.. (I hate that I use stupid platitudes too)

That’s exactly why I find it infuriating at times. You are pretty much paying someone to tell you obvious things that you are already aware of. At least that is the way in my case.
I want them to challenge my way of thinking. To help me actually do all the common sense stuff that I am aware of, but can’t do due to being depressed.

Gremlinertia

I got mine through Hse but I agree totally, I want to be challenged, I don't want to be a passive listener, that won't do a thing for me, the one to one therapist eventually got that way a little but still not enough kick ass enough.. I still try to use methods I was taught for panic and depressive episodes but nothing works for my more manic times and if I don't spot a downer or anxiety issue coming I also feel like I remain powerless

ds4593

ds4593 wrote: »

First off, thanks everyone for the replies.



No I haven’t tried any other therapy yet.

That be something you could look in to then. There are other accessible forms out there such as psychotherapy, psychoanalysis, Gestalt etc. CBT can be fantastic but if it isn't working then there are other options.

tantan2

Vela wrote: »

Hey peeps

I'm not looking for medical advice (have loads of it!), just some personal experience if possible re: Lamictal.

I started on Lamictal to manage PTSD/mood stablisation/anxiety&neuropathic pain a month ago, after having no joy with various meds on and off over the years (aside from Benzos as needed). I'm reluctant to give up on it straight off the bat because it sounded like it might finally be the holy grail for me, but I've had some not so great side effects already. Insomnia is a big one and I was on sleeping tabs to manage that initially which I think I'll have to go back on. Then there's the fact that it's making my neuropathic pain worse instead of better, and this feeling of overheating/being clammy all the freaking time. I'm not visibly sweating/red but I just feel like I'm burning up. Now, I was quite ill for about 2 weeks into this with an infection - so the doc put it down to that, but now I'm pretty much better and this **** is still happening.

I'm very torn on whether to ask about discontinuing it because I know they don't seem like massive side effects, but they are to me because they're anxiety inducing which kind of negates the whole idea of this med helping me.

I suppose since I've had no benefit from the meds yet (I'm working up slowly to avoid the dreaded deadly rash thing and on 50mg at the mo), I'm just struggling to find a reason to stick this sh1t out. I know I can manage this well enough med-free with therapy; I've been doing it for years, but the highs and lows were getting a bit too much to deal with the past while. So when I found out this med also helped with neuro pain, I thought I was finally on to a winner.

I'm not going to quit them cold turkey or anything (hell no) but I'm going abroad for a good while soon and I seriously do not want to be dealing with this when I'm away, especially when A. it's an important trip, and B. getting that rash or something would land me in an ER with a massive fcuking bill.

I would really like to hear about anyone else's experiences with Lamictal and if you had these side effects and if they lessened at all over time?
Google is a freakin anti-christ when it comes to looking this stuff up and I really just want to go back to the dr. knowing what I want to do rather than asking him, because I know him and he'll just ask me to stick with it longer regardless!

Thanks

Vila, I'm in the same boat, just starting these meds, I know it's a few months since you posted but how are you getting on now?
I like you am just looking for personal experiences on these meds

Graces7

Gremlinertia wrote: »

I did DBT which I found hard to buy into, the one to one therapy part was good although madly frustrating at times. Everything seems so maddeningly obvious on paper but my mind is so locked into its behaviours that nothing occurs to me when I'm down.. Keep going, this too shall pass.. (I hate that I use stupid platitudes too)

Not a platitude..an anchor to hold on to that is easy to remember.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/too-shall-passhelen-steiner-rice-hardesh-kumar-sood

I was using the idea before i knew the poem; when things were terrible, would look at the clock and say, in half an hour this blackness will be better

Graces7

"time and the hour run through the roughest day.." Shakespeare.. Seems a common theme so we can draw comfort from that..

And ...