Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

Kelly777

hi titan
That's terrible that they didn't ring you back . why don't you try to view it as it's their loss and not yours. or try to say that it wasn't meant to be.
I know it's hard but it may help you xxx

titan18 wrote: »

Fecking nightmare of a time since Friday. Saw someone on Tinder and brought back up a load of feelings and thoughts that had been unresolved, and been overthinking everything since then. Called her today, and she said she'd call me back, but never did.

I've no idea what I did wrong to end up like this with her, but it fecking sucks. Why am I never good enough

titan18

Kelly777 wrote: »

hi titan
That's terrible that they didn't ring you back . why don't you try to view it as it's their loss and not yours. or try to say that it wasn't meant to be.
I know it's hard but it may help you xxx

Wish I could, but I've never had someone interested in me like she was. All our talking pointed to her liking me, and even looking back at the messages, I feel like she had to have, but no idea what happened, just ended up blocked on everything. I'm almost 29 years on this hell, and this was the first person I ever thought actually liked me romantically, but sure, good things don't happen to me.

AlwaysGrey

Kelly777 wrote: »

Hi AlwaysGrey how are you tonight. thanks for your post it's always great to hear from others.
God your situation and the way you are sounds very like mine.
I have 2 kids and I feel so so guilty on them as I feel very angry inside. I don't feel I enjoy them the way I used to. I just want them to be happy. I have ptsd and suffer terrible with anxiety and this stops me from really enjoying my kids.
I too have stopped being social which was never like me. I was always outgoing and chatty with everyone so it kills me to be like this.
what meds are you on. do you find they help. are you doing any therapy.
I too am lucky that my husband is so supportive. I would be lost without him

Hi Kelly, thank you for the kind words. I'm currently on 40mg gerozac (Prozac I think) and 15mg zopiclone, have to take gerozac in mornings because it keeps me awake, I only take zopiclone if I really need it as last resort, I've no problem going to sleep it's just staying asleep is the problem.

I was the same chat to anyone, loved going out, worked with large groups had no problems with people generally. I always had depression and nightmares/flashbacks but could deal with it (or so I thought) however over past 3/4 years became withdrawn,severely depressed, suffering insomnia and now have anxiety.

I came close to ending it all last year and went for help, I didn't attempt but had plan and date, only for the love of my wife and kids I'd probably be gone. Started feeling same way after Xmas after first panic attack. I attempted as a teenager twice and swore if ever I felt that way again I'd seek help. I thought I was doing fine, but I'm not. I'm to the point of giving up working now, can't function, I work at times in peoples homes other times on sites I can't even walk into a shop now without a sense of dredd. I never gave any real thought to anxiety and anxiety suffering until it hit me, my god you poor souls, it's frightening.

Kelly777

Ah titan don't be so hard on yourself. It's her loss. I know it's tough wen you think someone liked you and then just turns but maybe try to think that it wasn't meant to be.
But I know it's **** wen that happens.

titan18 wrote: »

Wish I could, but I've never had someone interested in me like she was. All our talking pointed to her liking me, and even looking back at the messages, I feel like she had to have, but no idea what happened, just ended up blocked on everything. I'm almost 29 years on this hell, and this was the first person I ever thought actually liked me romantically, but sure, good things don't happen to me.

Kitty6277

Bit of a write off of a night for me tonight, don't think I'm gonna manage to stop my brain from overthinking things until I (hopefully) manage to fall asleep

Kelly777

hi AlwaysGrey
Great to hear from you. You sound like a really nice down to earth guy which is always great to hear.
I've never heard of zopiclone, what's that for? I was on Prozac before and I truly hated it. it made me very spacey (if you know what I mean) and I felt very doom and gloom on it. I was glad to get off it to be honest. But different meds suit different people. how long are you on the Prozac for.
God that's strange the way it has hit you bad over last 3 to 4 years. did you say this to your counsellor and what did they say.
Isn't it hard wen you were so sociable and looking back at your old self and seeing what you have become. I've gone that bad that I look out the window first before I put out the bins just to make sure none of the neighbours are there so I don't have to talk to them@!!!!! that is just terrible. before I'd be out chatting and laughing with them. I hate being like this as I feel the kids loved me out chatting to others and being normal.
God you had plan and date. It's terrible when you get to this stage!!! it's very frightening. I'm the same I feel I'd be gone only for my husband and kids. I'm waiting to see someone in pieta house at the moment. I really don't know if it will help but I'm going to give it a go. did you ever go to pieta house.
That's terrible that you have to think of giving up work. can you afford to do that AlwaysGrey. I was working last year and had to give it up. I just cudnt function. I was making mistakes and was getting called up on it.
I always had a bit of depression but 3 years ago I suffered a traumatic life changing event and it hit me bad. I started suffering from anxiety. like you I never knew what anxiety was like . I had heard of it but didn't understand it as I never had it. now 3 years on I'm suffering bad from it. I just can't function properly. I can't listen to radio or watch tv as things on tv or radio always remind me of the event and this makes me anxious.
I can hardly go to Tesco to do shopping as I get a feeling of dredd over me. I'm now finding it hard to cope with every day chores in the house like getting dinners for the kids and doing washing......i don't know why .
at this stage in just drained.
What kills me is the kids having a mum like this. I want them to have a sociable outgoing mum so they too will follow being like this.
I've gone to the stage where I dont want the kids to do play dates as I don't want the other kids over which is just ridiculous. At the moment I just really hate the person I've turned into. the anxiety is destroying my life!!!
I'm lucky to have a supportive husband as if I didn't have him I'd be ****ed.
Do you do counselling AlwaysGrey.
Sorry for the long post but it's good to get it off my chest😂😂😂

AlwaysGrey wrote: »

Hi Kelly, thank you for the kind words. I'm currently on 40mg gerozac (Prozac I think) and 15mg zopiclone, have to take gerozac in mornings because it keeps me awake, I only take zopiclone if I really need it as last resort, I've no problem going to sleep it's just staying asleep is the problem.

I was the same chat to anyone, loved going out, worked with large groups had no problems with people generally. I always had depression and nightmares/flashbacks but could deal with it (or so I thought) however over past 3/4 years became withdrawn,severely depressed, suffering insomnia and now have anxiety.

I came close to ending it all last year and went for help, I didn't attempt but had plan and date, only for the love of my wife and kids I'd probably be gone. Started feeling same way after Xmas after first panic attack. I attempted as a teenager twice and swore if ever I felt that way again I'd seek help. I thought I was doing fine, but I'm not. I'm to the point of giving up working now, can't function, I work at times in peoples homes other times on sites I can't even walk into a shop now without a sense of dredd. I never gave any real thought to anxiety and anxiety suffering until it hit me, my god you poor souls, it's frightening.

Kelly777

I know the feeling kitty lol

Kitty6277 wrote: »

Bit of a write off of a night for me tonight, don't think I'm gonna manage to stop my brain from overthinking things until I (hopefully) manage to fall asleep

AlwaysGrey

titan18 wrote: »

Wish I could, but I've never had someone interested in me like she was. All our talking pointed to her liking me, and even looking back at the messages, I feel like she had to have, but no idea what happened, just ended up blocked on everything. I'm almost 29 years on this hell, and this was the first person I ever thought actually liked me romantically, but sure, good things don't happen to me.

Hi Titan. I hope you're doing OK. Life is funny sometimes. I have a work mate, 52. He spent all his teen years and most of his adult life searching for love. From looking for love ads, speed dating, dating websites, tinder everything. He never gave up, always said the perfect woman is out there for me.

By chance two years ago on a building site we worked on, he entered the canteen, and was served by a beauty as he called her, with a cheeky grin he asked the lady " would you be fond of dancing, I'd say you've a lovely twirl" he asked her out to morans red cow to some country music show on a date, they're getting married next week. She's 55 he's 52, they just clicked. He's a Galway man she's a Dub lol. This guy never gave up, neither should you. It will happen when you least expect it.

My limited advice is to maybe try not to get too invested in online dating until you can meet the lady face to face, some people love to string others along for kicks.Espcially online, It's ****ty, but happens. It's hard to stay positive when you emotionally invest in someone,and they disappoint you but sometimes a little caution is best until you really know them personally. Most important don't give up.Best of luck, I bet you'll find her when you least expect it.

Kelly777

Hi AlwaysGrey
Do you find your anxiety levels go down at night time.
Mine do and I find this mad. I do wonder why at night they reduce. maybe it's cos I feel safe at night ......i don't know.

AlwaysGrey wrote: »

Hi Kelly, thank you for the kind words. I'm currently on 40mg gerozac (Prozac I think) and 15mg zopiclone, have to take gerozac in mornings because it keeps me awake, I only take zopiclone if I really need it as last resort, I've no problem going to sleep it's just staying asleep is the problem.

I was the same chat to anyone, loved going out, worked with large groups had no problems with people generally. I always had depression and nightmares/flashbacks but could deal with it (or so I thought) however over past 3/4 years became withdrawn,severely depressed, suffering insomnia and now have anxiety.

I came close to ending it all last year and went for help, I didn't attempt but had plan and date, only for the love of my wife and kids I'd probably be gone. Started feeling same way after Xmas after first panic attack. I attempted as a teenager twice and swore if ever I felt that way again I'd seek help. I thought I was doing fine, but I'm not. I'm to the point of giving up working now, can't function, I work at times in peoples homes other times on sites I can't even walk into a shop now without a sense of dredd. I never gave any real thought to anxiety and anxiety suffering until it hit me, my god you poor souls, it's frightening.

AlwaysGrey

Kelly777 wrote: »

hi AlwaysGrey
Great to hear from you. You sound like a really nice down to earth guy which is always great to hear.
I've never heard of zopiclone, what's that for? I was on Prozac before and I truly hated it. it made me very spacey (if you know what I mean) and I felt very doom and gloom on it. I was glad to get off it to be honest. But different meds suit different people. how long are you on the Prozac for.
God that's strange the way it has hit you bad over last 3 to 4 years. did you say this to your counsellor and what did they say.
Isn't it hard wen you were so sociable and looking back at your old self and seeing what you have become. I've gone that bad that I look out the window first before I put out the bins just to make sure none of the neighbours are there so I don't have to talk to them@!!!!! that is just terrible. before I'd be out chatting and laughing with them. I hate being like this as I feel the kids loved me out chatting to others and being normal.
God you had plan and date. It's terrible when you get to this stage!!! it's very frightening. I'm the same I feel I'd be gone only for my husband and kids. I'm waiting to see someone in pieta house at the moment. I really don't know if it will help but I'm going to give it a go. did you ever go to pieta house.
That's terrible that you have to think of giving up work. can you afford to do that AlwaysGrey. I was working last year and had to give it up. I just cudnt function. I was making mistakes and was getting called up on it.
I always had a bit of depression but 3 years ago I suffered a traumatic life changing event and it hit me bad. I started suffering from anxiety. like you I never knew what anxiety was like . I had heard of it but didn't understand it as I never had it. now 3 years on I'm suffering bad from it. I just can't function properly. I can't listen to radio or watch tv as things on tv or radio always remind me of the event and this makes me anxious.
I can hardly go to Tesco to do shopping as I get a feeling of dredd over me. I'm now finding it hard to cope with every day chores in the house like getting dinners for the kids and doing washing......i don't know why .
at this stage in just drained.
What kills me is the kids having a mum like this. I want them to have a sociable outgoing mum so they too will follow being like this.
I've gone to the stage where I dont want the kids to do play dates as I don't want the other kids over which is just ridiculous. At the moment I just really hate the person I've turned into. the anxiety is destroying my life!!!
I'm lucky to have a supportive husband as if I didn't have him I'd be ****ed.
Do you do counselling AlwaysGrey.
Sorry for the long post but it's good to get it off my chest😂😂😂

Hi Kelly, zopiclone are sleeping tablets. I only use them as last resort. I don't feel any different on Prozac. My family life was turmoil to say the least growing up. Parents split when I was young, Mother was an alcoholic, I had to try and raise siblings all while going through my own hell of abuse. I suppose it was just an accumulation of stress, paternal family arguments /problems and depression that cracked my wall and my past has been leaking out ever since.

No can't really afford to quit work, my eldest is for college sept, have the usual communions, confirmation this year and then the usual bills, food, etc. So fun times.

I'm struggling to leave my bed the past year, I'm exhausted, overwhelmed, angry sad, just a mixed bag of emotions, but then emotionless when I'm suppose feel. I've no interest in life at all, my wife hugs me and calls me her big bear child lol. It's funny because I'm 6'2, fit and have to be told when to shave, told towels left in bathroom to shower, checked to make sure I've showered, called in the morning for work if I'm not already awake since 2am, work is hell, trying to keep sane, trying to hide my situation, holding back anger, dredd and making excuses not to go on private jobs, I feel worthless, embarrassed when I think of it. I mean, I used to be nearly regimental, I'd shower after work, shower and shave again in morning before work, have all kids lunches made and table set for breakfast before I'd leave for work , so wife had easy morning, always up at 6am, never needed alarm, I was like clockwork. Now I'm not arsed, all motivation gone. Neighbours used to get me to do different diy jobs etc, I stopped doing it all, barely acknowledge neighbors now, don't entertain most of my friends. Now it's home after work, sometimes dinner, shower because wife make me lol, chat to kids, hugs and in my bedroom by 9. Sometimes I'll sleep other times I just listen to music other times I lay there in silence.

It's tough on my wife, she often just lays with me, when kids go bed, trying to reassure me, I can see the pain and worry in her eyes and I feel nothing. I'm in counselling 4 weeks now, it's hard to know if it will work, it's great to unload, but I'm finding the hours later hard after remembering the past. This is good they tell me, I just need to associate the feelings and learn how to control them.

AlwaysGrey

Kelly777 wrote: »

Hi AlwaysGrey
Do you find your anxiety levels go down at night time.
Mine do and I find this mad. I do wonder why at night they reduce. maybe it's cos I feel safe at night ......i don't know.

As soon as I'm home, it's like a weight is lifted, especially when I see kids and wife. I think it is the safety of knowing your loved and being in a familiar safe place you created.

RabbleRouser2k

Jeez, I can relate to all of these posts, tbh.

AlwaysGrey-you're taking steps, it's important to remember that. I didn't have the alcoholic parent (though my dad did, and many of his siblings have trouble with alcohol). But he could be pretty mean-and when I was a kid, he got a fairly major illness, one which took a year or two to recover from-and which took a toll on my mom. (Truly he never really recovered from it-it could flare up, and I don't think he got the proper treatment at the time). As a kid I didn't know, but you'd get a hit for messing up. Both were suffering, and so they were stressed-things could set them off, and I had my own stresses at school and stuff.
So I learned to bottle stuff up-and at 15 it all just erupted. (I was getting bullied too, name calling, stuff thrown at me, punches in the arm walking down the hall etc).
All that stuff can be bottled up-but it eats away. And when there's stress at home-and at school/ work, that can all pour out. I am still dealing with stuff, but it helps to talk it out.

I've had those days when I don't want to get out of bed-but even if its 6pm, I eventually do-on the bad days, I don't.

Titan18-I know the feeling about the whole-lady interested in you, suddenly it's like 'what?' etc. I don't do Tinder, or Pof (I actually know people who use them as counselling apps. good for them).
I would argue that 'it wasn't the right time' for you-as in she wasn't the one. From the sounds of it-she may have been looking for something else. No point lingering about that kind of person.

Like, I'll give an example from my own life. So, a few years back, like two or so, I was friends with this girl. Decent person, good job, a drinking buddy of mine. She was pretty, and I could joke around with her, and tho I'd only known her for about 3 months, we were good buddies. (Or so I thought-I genuinely thought she was a friend). She started using Tinder, and Pof I think, to find 'the one'(I often gave her some advice on guys-just if she didn't want to see a guy again, how to let him down gently-some of them got real petty when she didn't want to see em again after one date). Well, eventually she met a guy-John Doe, just for a name to use. Not his real name.
So, round this time she'd meet up with him, when she could and after work or during lunchbreaks. And she'd tease me about 'Oh, you should date this one-you should date that one' etc. All good humoured fun. I met her friends, I met her siblings-seemed like nothing but friendship.

Anyways, she gradually started to get-I won't say bored, more, not what she was expecting-of the boyfriend. Like, she was unhappy. And I'd been going through some stuff as well, and in essence, called her 'a good friend'...while she was still in a relationship. She was not happy. What shocked me was when I asked a few other friends (female also), about her behaviour and other stuff, apparently she had feelings for me-this despite her being in a relationship.

She essentially became Single white Female, and I had to slowly cut off contact after a few strange incidents (one incident involved her spying on me while I was getting lunch and talking to a friend). Then blocked her on social media, claiming I'd shut mine down because it was 'a hassle'.

The relationship with the other guy didn't last-no surprise.

ds4593

A lot of recent posts. Too much to reply to individually so I’ll just ramble a bit. Everyone seems to be sharing a bit so here’s some more about me.

My own upbringing consisted of a mother with severe psychological issues. Not only that but she didn’t have a single maternal bone in her body. Emotional neglect and abuse. She had to be admitted multiple times and I even had to be taken away from her (and the family) at birth due to her issues. A year later they got me back.
My dad suffered from depression (most likely from dealing with my mother) but just buried his head in the sand rather than deal with the situation. He also did his fair share of emotional neglect and abuse.

I’ve been close to the end multiple times. Ideations pretty much daily. Sometimes mild (but still disturbing), other times severe. Got a plan and a back up plan in case the main one can’t be accomplished. When the ideations become too severe I use self harm to cope and distract myself.
The constant ideations are immensely draining.
Going to bed for me is as big of an issue as getting up. I don’t get a break from it. So I don’t feel like I have a safe zone or safe time. That’s why I focus on something like music or exercise. It’s one of the few times when I can turn off and give myself a break. But as soon as I stop it all come rushing back.
I think it’s that combination of chronic depression and MDD. Together it’s called double depression.
I’ve been told that my main issues are biological, but that in conjunction with my upbringing has lead to psychological issues too.

I do suffer from anxiety but I can live with that compared to the depression.

So yeah. When ever a doctor or psychologist asks me what my goals are, I always say “I don’t care about feeling happy as I can’t even remember the last time I felt that. I just want to be able to live with my issues so that the people close to me aren’t affected by them”.
Still working on that.

AlwaysGrey

ds4593 wrote: »

A lot of recent posts. Too much to reply to individually so I’ll just ramble a bit. Everyone seems to be sharing a bit so here’s some more about me.

My own upbringing consisted of a mother with severe psychological issues. Not only that but she didn’t have a single maternal bone in her body. Emotional neglect and abuse. She had to be admitted multiple times and I even had to be taken away from her (and the family) at birth due to her issues. A year later they got me back.
My dad suffered from depression (most likely from dealing with my mother) but just buried his head in the sand rather than deal with the situation. He also did his fair share of emotional neglect and abuse.

I’ve been close to the end multiple times. Ideations pretty much daily. Sometimes mild (but still disturbing), other times severe. Got a plan and a back up plan in case the main one can’t be accomplished. When the ideations become too severe I use self harm to cope and distract myself.
The constant ideations are immensely draining.
Going to bed for me is as big of an issue as getting up. I don’t get a break from it. So I don’t feel like I have a safe zone or safe time. That’s why I focus on something like music or exercise. It’s one of the few times when I can turn off and give myself a break. But as soon as I stop it all come rushing back.
I think it’s that combination of chronic depression and MDD. Together it’s called double depression.
I’ve been told that my main issues are biological, but that in conjunction with my upbringing has lead to psychological issues too.

I do suffer from anxiety but I can live with that compared to the depression.

So yeah. When ever a doctor or psychologist asks me what my goals are, I always say “I don’t care about feeling happy as I can’t even remember the last time I felt that. I just want to be able to live with my issues so that the people close to me aren’t affected by them”.
Still working on that.

Hi ds, thanks for sharing. I was kinda in the same boat, my mother was hospitalised after every pregnancy with baby blues, and at other times also she also had underlying psychological problems and alcoholism to boot. My Dad was always angry and I guess couldn't handle it, found new partner and moved to England, didn't see him for about 6 years.

I'm always trying to keep occupied, and keep the mind busy. I take apart lawnmower engines, computers anything and try to repair them to keep busy, I try to go to cinema, bowling, nature walks with kids on weekends to keep active, but it's all getting harder and harder. I couldn't work today, just couldn't motivate myself to leave my room, except for bathroom, even then I felt like it was last second. I feel like a heavy shadow lately, no interest in anything, it sucks. I feel the same, I just want to understand what's happening, find a way to cope and find my motivation again.
Not working and losing interest in working is pissing me off. I feel like a loser, I love my job great satisfaction to see something awesome done my own hands bringing joy to someone.

I hope you find peace ds, I hope we all do. Because this at the moment f'ing sucks.

ds4593

Hey grey,
It sounds like we have quite a few similarities, while still being different. I would imagine if we both weren’t depressed would would actually be friends in the real world

I always try and do things too. Especially with my kid. But lately I’ve been failing at that. I would decide a fun activity for me and my kid. But I end up getting stressed, or I can’t concentrate, or my thoughts go elsewhere. It then ruins the experience for my kid. Which in turn makes me feel worse for failing to hide it.
I really don’t want that.

Most of us seem to try and keep occupied. If it helps why not. I too try and be creative and creative something new. My job even demands it. But the motivation along with being overly self critical puts a damper on things.

That heavy shadow feeling isn’t nice. I picture it more like a cloud being pulled over my heart.
How long have you been on your current medication? If it’s not doing anything maybe you should switch?

You are obviously in a tough place. No doubt about that. But it does sounds like you have a caring wife and kids to fight for. Keep pushing through.

AlwaysGrey

ds4593 wrote: »

Hey grey,
It sounds like we have quite a few similarities, while still being different. I would imagine if we both weren’t depressed would would actually be friends in the real world

I always try and do things too. Especially with my kid. But lately I’ve been failing at that. I would decide a fun activity for me and my kid. But I end up getting stressed, or I can’t concentrate, or my thoughts go elsewhere. It then ruins the experience for my kid. Which in turn makes me feel worse for failing to hide it.
I really don’t want that.

Most of us seem to try and keep occupied. If it helps why not. I too try and be creative and creative something new. My job even demands it. But the motivation along with being overly self critical puts a damper on things.

That heavy shadow feeling isn’t nice. I picture it more like a cloud being pulled over my heart.
How long have you been on your current medication? If it’s not doing anything maybe you should switch?

You are obviously in a tough place. No doubt about that. But it does sounds like you have a caring wife and kids to fight for. Keep pushing through.

Hi ds, we'd be friends no doubt. I always thought I was easy going and had mates from all backgrounds.

I'm on Gerozac(Prozac) since early January. 20mg until last week now on 40mg. They told me take them at night to help with sleep along with a sleeping pill zopiclone, they have opposite effect I feel wired, so now I take them in mornings. Don't take sleepers unless I really really need it. Don't feel any different on Prozac, I was on others last year one I can't remember and the second was sertraline I hated them felt really stoned and spaced, zombie like I'd describe it.

Last year was when I first went to Doc and was sent to mental health services day ward. It was a disaster, Took ages to be seen by Doc after review,about 2 months then I felt it was, here take this and come back in 3 months, different Doc every time seemed nobody cared, was taken off meds when I requested counselling and heard nothing until had anxiety attack at Xmas. Then they decided to put me on Gerozac and fast tracked counselling. I was shocked at the state of services to say the least.

I'm pretty critical of myself too, bit of a perfectionist work wise. Only for the love of my wife and kids I'd be totally lost, they're my safe place. We're all a lot stronger than we give ourselves credit for.

titan18

titan18 wrote:

Fecking nightmare of a time since Friday. Saw someone on Tinder and brought back up a load of feelings and thoughts that had been unresolved, and been overthinking everything since then. Called her today, and she said she'd call me back, but never did.

She ended up blocking the number I called her on. I really don't know what i did to her and it's killing me. Why am I such a failure that someone decides to cut me completely out of their life after getting on so well with them.

Tell me how

titan18 wrote:

She ended up blocking the number I called her on. I really don't know what i did to her and it's killing me. Why am I such a failure that someone decides to cut me completely out of their life after getting on so well with them.

titan18, this could you eat you up from the inside of you allow it to.
Not easy to not dwell on it though.
You're never going to get the exact answer as to her reasons. Sometimes people are going through their own issues.

Could you try to work on your self confidence so you don't have to base your happiness solely on other people's reactions to you.

titan18

Tell me how wrote:

Could you try to work on your self confidence so you don't have to base your happiness solely on other people's reactions to you.

I'm almost 29 and never kissed a girl. Kind of hard to work on your self confidence when loads my age or younger are getting married and having kids, and I'm not even close to anything like that.

Tell me how

titan18 wrote:

I'm almost 29 and never kissed a girl. Kind of hard to work on your self confidence when loads my age or younger are getting married and having kids, and I'm not even close to anything like that.

Don't worry about what others are doing. Many in that position also feel lost and insecure.

It's a cliche but do what you enjoy in terms of hobbies, entertainment, maybe particularly clubs like toastmasters are excellent to give both personal confidence and to meet others.

titan18

I'm actually wondering should I admit myself. Feel like I'm getting close to the end of my tether.

Gremlinertia

Hopefully there is someone you can talk to, a professional perhaps Titan? Btw, i'm in my late thirties and am only now in a relationship, was basically inactive up to that, know it's easier said than done but try not to let it get too massive in your head..

Tell me how

titan18 wrote:

I'm actually wondering should I admit myself. Feel like I'm getting close to the end of my tether.

Have you a support structure? Have you a gp/therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist who has been treating you?

Being admitted outside of a treatment plan is generally only done where someone is at risk of seriously harming themselves and care within can be limited to ensuring that doesn't happen.

If that is where you feel you are at, you need to tell your primary care giver or next of kin right away.

If not, still speak to someone about inpatient treatment. Let them go through the options open to you.

I spent 3 months as an in patient some years ago, we had spent 12 months considering it. It is not a guarantee to rapid recovery on its own.

titan18

Tell me how wrote:

Have you a support structure? Have you a gp/therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist who has been treating you?

Ya, I've got all that, but I've never really got much out of it. Been within a whole system for 5 years now.

Gremlinertia

titan18 wrote: »

Ya, I've got all that, but I've never really got much out of it. Been within a whole system for 5 years now.

It's very hard to have patience at times, everything moves so damn slowly, are you keeping any sort of journal so your doc/medical staff can see how things are outside appointment times?

titan18

Gremlinertia wrote:

It's very hard to have patience at times, everything moves so damn slowly, are you keeping any sort of journal so your doc/medical staff can see how things are outside appointment times?

Don't really write any of it down but keep it within my own head. My arms tell a story anyway on whether things are bad or not. It's just all got so tiring for me, and my hope of being happy is nearly diminished fully.

Gremlinertia

I found the writing useful because i found it crazy hard to talk to docs, even painting things in a great light despite being in some of the worst times. My life is a bit more stable these days but i still get seen monthly because of intrusive thoughts and voices etc.

Tell me how

titan18 wrote:

Don't really write any of it down but keep it within my own head. My arms tell a story anyway on whether things are bad or not. It's just all got so tiring for me, and my hope of being happy is nearly diminished fully.

Are you on meds?

Maybe, go back to the very beginning. Ask Dr's what do they think of starting again to make sure types and quantities are exactly what you need. Might take a few months but there's a risk with long term depressives to get so deep in to a rut that they are taking meds just because and really they're not improving. The effectiveness of meds should be continually monitored.

RabbleRouser2k

Tell me how wrote: »

Don't worry about what others are doing. Many in that position also feel lost and insecure.

It's a cliche but do what you enjoy in terms of hobbies, entertainment, maybe particularly clubs like toastmasters are excellent to give both personal confidence and to meet others.

It helps to get out more-tbh. Even going to the pub with a friend helps. Just blow off steam.

I'm not married either, pretty single and happy-ish. As the saying goes, why someone into my drama.

As others said, many of us feel lost and insecure. Successful, high powered people are often like that (Not pouring salt on his wounds, but look at Ant McPartlin-rich, successful, tons of deals-depressed, lonely, substance abuse issues-everyone's hiding behind the curtain).

titan18

Tell me how wrote: »

Are you on meds?

Maybe, go back to the very beginning. Ask Dr's what do they think of starting again to make sure types and quantities are exactly what you need. Might take a few months but there's a risk with long term depressives to get so deep in to a rut that they are taking meds just because and really they're not improving. The effectiveness of meds should be continually monitored.

Ya, I'm on Effexor XL 150. Been up and down from 37.5 to 225 but at 225, the side effects weren't worth it.