Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

Gremlinertia

titan18 wrote: »

Ya, I'm on Effexor XL 150. Been up and down from 37.5 to 225 but at 225, the side effects weren't worth it.

Takes a while to find your level, do you do any other form of therapy or something? How are you today?

DunnoKidz

I started therapy a few weeks ago, for C-PTSD (complex trauma). Current homework (about childhood) is a bit too tough to work through.
Is therapy supposed to bring up all the past trauma? Re-living the pain really isn't helping.

.

DunnoKidz

DunnoKidz wrote: »

I started therapy a few weeks ago, for C-PTSD (complex trauma). Current homework (about childhood) is a bit too tough to work through.
Is therapy supposed to bring up all the past trauma? Re-living the pain really isn't helping.

.

Makesure DK that your therapist is skilled in working with Trauma and understands the importance of not re-traumatising the client.

Tell me how

DunnoKidz wrote:

I started therapy a few weeks ago, for C-PTSD (complex trauma). Current homework (about childhood) is a bit too tough to work through. Is therapy supposed to bring up all the past trauma? Re-living the pain really isn't helping.

It's a means to an end DunnoKidz, if you find it difficult, that's a sign that the homework is on the right topic.
Try to schedule it so as to be able to switch off after it with something positive or have a friend or partner to support you or distract you once you've the homework done.

It really is worth committing to it and pushing through as much as you can. If it gets too traumatic. Right a note as to why and bring that to next class.

Well done. Such work can be very very draining, go easy on yourself until it improves.

DunnoKidz

Deleted User wrote: »

Makesure DK that your therapist is skilled in working with Trauma and understands the importance of not re-traumatising the client.

Ok, good idea, cos at this point it feels like I am losing it.
Thanks Persepoly.

DunnoKidz

Tell me how wrote: »

It's a means to an end DunnoKidz, if you find it difficult, that's a sign that the homework is on the right topic.
Try to schedule it so as to be able to switch off after it with something positive or have a friend or partner to support you or distract you once you've the homework done.

It really is worth committing to it and pushing through as much as you can. If it gets too traumatic. Right a note as to why and bring that to next class.

Well done. Such work can be very very draining, go easy on yourself until it improves.

switching it off must be an issue, cos yup.........thanks, will call a friend to distract, thanks.

appreciate the advice, will try.

DunnoKidz

DunnoKidz wrote: »

Ok, good idea, cos at this point it feels like I am losing it.
Thanks Persepoly.

Working with complex or early trauma should be done in a very slow and careful manner. Have a google for Babette Rothschild. She's fantastic and has youtube videos explaining the importance of taking it handy with a client.
Mind yourself through this

DunnoKidz

Deleted User wrote: »

Working with complex or early trauma should be done in a very slow and careful manner. Have a google for Babette Rothschild. She's fantastic and has youtube videos explaining the importance of taking it handy with a client.
Mind yourself through this

I had no idea the depth of this stuff :eek:
...will definitely do that, thanks.

La.de.da

As I get older I'm finding the ten days or so before my period (sorry men folk) so detrimental to my mental well being. The ferocious mood swings, very low self worth and the anxious anger.
People joke about PMS but it's really not funny. Been keeping a track of moods and thoughts on certain days, hope to go about it once I can see the pattern.
Have a crawling in my own skin sort of feeling.

Just needed to rant that out.

Teacoffee

Hi people .I remember using a thread like this a few years ago so this might be a good place to ask the following question:If you attend a phychiatric ward for depression are you required to disclose it to future employers ?
I just remember filling out the paperwork for an internship last summer and it asked whether I had ever attended one .I am concerned that it could have a negative impact on future employment so I'm weighing up my options at the moment .

Tell me how

Teacoffee wrote:

Hi people .I remember using a thread like this a few years ago so this might be a good place to ask the following question:If you attend a phychiatric ward for depression are you required to disclose it to future employers ? I just remember filling out the paperwork for an internship last summer and it asked whether I had ever attended one .I am concerned that it could have a negative impact on future employment so I'm weighing up my options at the moment .

No. You are not. It's private medical information.
Unless, it would inhibit you from doing your job or they have a valid reason to know. I don't know if any roles which would require for it to be disclosed such as you have described above but maybe there are some others would know of.

Your Dr could simple write "unfit for work for medical reasons" on the cert and they couldn't ask you to disclose further.

Be worth discussing with your GP.

justfillmein

La.de.da wrote: »

As I get older I'm finding the ten days or so before my period (sorry men folk) so detrimental to my mental well being. The ferocious mood swings, very low self worth and the anxious anger.
People joke about PMS but it's really not funny. Been keeping a track of moods and thoughts on certain days, hope to go about it once I can see the pattern.
Have a crawling in my own skin sort of feeling.

Just needed to rant that out.

PMS is like having a split personality:(

Gremlinertia

Toughing it out here, just about. La de da and Justfillmein, 100% agree, definitely as i get older the anger i worked so hard on calming has resurfaced with PMS.
Also life is throwing a couple of curveballs my way, none individually massive or anything but put together it's put strains on each aspect of my life now. A lot of extra weight on my shoulders or so it feels.

wexie

La.de.da wrote: »

As I get older I'm finding the ten days or so before my period (sorry men folk) so detrimental to my mental well being. The ferocious mood swings, very low self worth and the anxious anger.
People joke about PMS but it's really not funny. Been keeping a track of moods and thoughts on certain days, hope to go about it once I can see the pattern.
Have a crawling in my own skin sort of feeling.

Just needed to rant that out.

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Toughing it out here, just about. La de da and Justfillmein, 100% agree, definitely as i get older the anger i worked so hard on calming has resurfaced with PMS.
Also life is throwing a couple of curveballs my way, none individually massive or anything but put together it's put strains on each aspect of my life now. A lot of extra weight on my shoulders or so it feels.

Very strong, poorly studied and misunderstood link between mental health issues and 'female issues' (:o) in some cases apparently.

Very interesting article here, I sincerely hope none of ye are quite so badly affected as this lady

jaxxx

Self-medicating again. Yay. Well.... technically not since it's not so much an actual definitive decision to not take them just.... a feeling of really cannot be bothered. Does that fit the definition? I dunno.

Goddamn I hate tomatoes.... Can't eat them or anything made with them or anything with them in it.... Except lasagne. Posting gibberish calms me down. Dunno why. Just does. There was one other thing that calmed me down. No longer an option though.

What I wouldn't give for 5 minutes outside of the labyrinth that is my mind. I came to a realisation some time ago that people close to me refuse to accept. All the medication and therapy in the world doesn't mean zip unless you're prepared to fight whatever you've got that torments you. And I'm just not, not anymore. It's like a hole is the problem and you have to try and dig out of it. Taking bits off the sides gradually, certain angles and slopes until you create an incline smooth and stable enough for you to walk out of. I've just gone deeper and deeper. Only difference now is that I've thrown away the shovel. What frightens me the most is dying alone. I don't want kids, ever. But marriage.... Anytime I see a woman that takes my breath away, it physically hurts.

Hmm. Was actually nice getting some of that off my chest.

Try_harder

I have next week booked to go to London and onto Bordeaux Sunday to the rugby- but I’m in really bad form atm- I know I’m in the middle of a depression bout. I can barely get out of bed for work and I spent most of this weekend in bed! I don’t even know if I’ll be up to going next week. Woke up last night feeling so ill- thought I was going to get sick but I didn’t. Still ill in the pit of my stomach. I hate feeling like this. I cancelled something last week. I hate feeling so cr@p, I dont think I left the house today.

Graces7

Try_harder wrote: »

I have next week booked to go to London and onto Bordeaux Sunday to the rugby- but I’m in really bad form atm- I know I’m in the middle of a depression bout. I can barely get out of bed for work and I spent most of this weekend in bed! I don’t even know if I’ll be up to going next week. Woke up last night feeling so ill- thought I was going to get sick but I didn’t. Still ill in the pit of my stomach. I hate feeling like this. I cancelled something last week. I hate feeling so cr@p, I dont think I left the house today.

Not been out for over three weeks; the M.E is in total spate and mood swings are part of it. Bu i know this is what it is, so can cope and enjoy what I can still do, like lying in bed knitting and posting

jaxxx

I've just come to a realisation. I wouldn't say it's an epiphany exactly, wouldn't be that strong. I've always been a fairly tolerant fellow, and when I heard something I didn't agree with I just held my tongue. Now I'm finding that in similar circumstances, the complete opposite happens. Instead of tolerating things and keeping schtum, the apocalypse basically unfolds with no stones left unturned. To say that the language is colourful would be as much of an understatement as calling Donald Trump a bigotted eejit. Peeling back the layers, I'm finding nothing underneath but pure noxious, toxic fumes. Pent-up rage and aggression just waiting for the slightest chance to erupt and then leaving nothing but scorched earth in its wake. It's interesting. Perhaps because of the build up of holding things in over the years?

Gremlinertia

I'm so tired and disinterested in everything I just can't be bothered even drinking water

vg88

Has anyone ever change role position in work and changed back due to depression?

I moved from role X the front line staff which I loved to role Y a higher support role that a large financial role. The thing is I'm misserible doing it. I love the maths element of it and do well in role, but I hate the isolating part of it. There isn't much of pay difference but say in 3 years there will be. As nightschool is involved I lost a lot of free time for role Y.

I pretty sure role Y position has led a large part of my depression coming back, I feel like it is worsening as I do the role. But I'm trying to think straight ahead as I know the rewards are great at the end.

So my question is do I stay in my role knowing after 3 years I'll be rewarded or do I go back to the previous role that mentally I was in a far happier place?

Tell me how

moloner4 wrote: »

Has anyone ever change role position in work and changed back due to depression?

I moved from role X the front line staff which I loved to role Y a higher support role that a large financial role. The thing is I'm misserible doing it. I love the maths element of it and do well in role, but I hate the isolating part of it. There isn't much of pay difference but say in 3 years there will be. As nightschool is involved I lost a lot of free time for role Y.

I pretty sure role Y position has led a large part of my depression coming back, I feel like it is worsening as I do the role. But I'm trying to think straight ahead as I know the rewards are great at the end.

So my question is do I stay in my role knowing after 3 years I'll be rewarded or do I go back to the previous role that mentally I was in a far happier place?

I wonder could you take the opportunity to try to find ways to connect with people in other parts of your life?
Work is a big part of what we do and you are not alone in finding that that is where we find some element of fulfillment through connecting with people but you took on role Y for a reason, if you step back from it, after a period you may feel it was one step forward and one step back. How long are you in the new role? I personally think it takes up to 6 months to truly find your feet in a new position.

Of course, you could be absolutely correct that role Y is not worth affecting your mental health for and if so then there should be no problem or shame in stepping back. One word of caution, it might limit opportunities later as it could be difficult to explain the reason for stepping back without it seeming you struggled to perform in the new role or disclosing your mental health issues.

I see you are doing night school as well. I'm doing further education at the moment and we created a WhatsApp group amongst the class participants which does provide me with some personnel connection as I am not working at the moment.

vg88

Tell me how wrote: »

I wonder could you take the opportunity to try to find ways to connect with people in other parts of your life?
Work is a big part of what we do and you are not alone in finding that that is where we find some element of fulfillment through connecting with people but you took on role Y for a reason, if you step back from it, after a period you may feel it was one step forward and one step back. How long are you in the new role? I personally think it takes up to 6 months to truly find your feet in a new position.

Of course, you could be absolutely correct that role Y is not worth affecting your mental health for and if so then there should be no problem or shame in stepping back. One word of caution, it might limit opportunities later as it could be difficult to explain the reason for stepping back without it seeming you struggled to perform in the new role or disclosing your mental health issues.

I see you are doing night school as well. I'm doing further education at the moment and we created a WhatsApp group amongst the class participants which does provide me with some personnel connection as I am not working at the moment.

Thanks for the advice, it means a lot. I'll see how the summer goes and hopefully I'll know by then. I've been in the new role 7ish months.

vg88

On a side not about posting on here is a great relief and everyone on this thread I really appreciate your honest advice.

I can easily talk about my mental health to all my friends and distant cousins. But when it comes to family, I just can't open about it to any of them. They know I did a lot of anti-depressants and consuelling years ago but it was for "anxiety". Has anyone gone through something similar where your family doesn't want to know/pretend it doesn't exist when you bring up depression? It's just is talked ever about.

Tell me how

moloner4 wrote: »

On a side not about posting on here is a great relief and everyone on this thread I really appreciate your honest advice.

I can easily talk about my mental health to all my friends and distant cousins. But when it comes to family, I just can't open about it to any of them. They know I did a lot of anti-depressants and consuelling years ago but it was for "anxiety". Has anyone gone through something similar where your family doesn't want to know/pretend it doesn't exist when you bring up depression? It's just is talked ever about.

I have no problem discussing with family. They know pretty much everything and are very supportive. It's outside the family I struggle with.

When I went through my lowest point, I told 4 friends I considered very close. 1 disappeared completely (partly my fault though), 2 never mentioned it again and the level of friendship regressed and the last was and still is very supportive but we don't discuss it frequently.

I'm always wary of the "Just talk" campaigns, absolutely no one should have to suffer in silence but it can be harmful to reach out and not get understanding and quite often, people can't help through no fault of their own. Also, it can often be the case, I think, that some people are dealing with their own issues and quite simply just cannot take on some one elses problems to that level.

Is there one person in your family you could broach it with? I do think it's best to start such conversations when you are in a relatively good place.

vg88

Tell me how wrote: »

I have no problem discussing with family. They know pretty much everything and are very supportive. It's outside the family I struggle with.

When I went through my lowest point, I told 4 friends I considered very close. 1 disappeared completely (partly my fault though), 2 never mentioned it again and the level of friendship regressed and the last was and still is very supportive but we don't discuss it frequently.

I'm always wary of the "Just talk" campaigns, absolutely no one should have to suffer in silence but it can be harmful to reach out and not get understanding and quite often, people can't help through no fault of their own. Also, it can often be the case, I think, that some people are dealing with their own issues and quite simply just cannot take on some one elses problems to that level.

Is there one person in your family you could broach it with? I do think it's best to start such conversations when you are in a relatively good place.

I lost a lot of "friends" after asking for help, realised a lot weren't actually friends but a lot were there for me.

My father had his own issues that led to my parents splitting so it's a been the elephant in the room since then but no one dares to bring it up.

Kelly777

Hi AlwaysGrey
So sorry I'm only replying now. I haven't had time to be on the site. God growing up must have been so tough on you. Is the reason why you are like this the last 4 years cos of current stress or old growing up stress. God it must have been tough on you as a kid. From your posts you sound like you are very upbeat even though you are depressed. I just can't see how you are making it up in the mornings to go to work or how you are even managing to hold down job. I cudnt hold job down at the moment .
God the things your saying are the exact sane as me. I don't want to bother showering or washing hair or even putting on makeup. all is just too much effort. I was so like you too very organised.....had everything done the night before and had kids sorted. now it's a real effort to do anything .
I don't know if you are the same......im finding it hard to organise stuff like kids clothes and organise things I have to get done. it has to be the depression as before I was so on top of things I was so organised...... so it's hard for me being like this now.
I find I don't want to talk to people part cos I've gone real quiet and then I'm afraid they will see that I'm depressed and anxious.....are you the same.
yes I'm the same as you as in I've no motivation to do anything. it's a real effort

AlwaysGrey wrote: »

Hi Kelly, zopiclone are sleeping tablets. I only use them as last resort. I don't feel any different on Prozac. My family life was turmoil to say the least growing up. Parents split when I was young, Mother was an alcoholic, I had to try and raise siblings all while going through my own hell of abuse. I suppose it was just an accumulation of stress, paternal family arguments /problems and depression that cracked my wall and my past has been leaking out ever since.

No can't really afford to quit work, my eldest is for college sept, have the usual communions, confirmation this year and then the usual bills, food, etc. So fun times.

I'm struggling to leave my bed the past year, I'm exhausted, overwhelmed, angry sad, just a mixed bag of emotions, but then emotionless when I'm suppose feel. I've no interest in life at all, my wife hugs me and calls me her big bear child lol. It's funny because I'm 6'2, fit and have to be told when to shave, told towels left in bathroom to shower, checked to make sure I've showered, called in the morning for work if I'm not already awake since 2am, work is hell, trying to keep sane, trying to hide my situation, holding back anger, dredd and making excuses not to go on private jobs, I feel worthless, embarrassed when I think of it. I mean, I used to be nearly regimental, I'd shower after work, shower and shave again in morning before work, have all kids lunches made and table set for breakfast before I'd leave for work , so wife had easy morning, always up at 6am, never needed alarm, I was like clockwork. Now I'm not arsed, all motivation gone. Neighbours used to get me to do different diy jobs etc, I stopped doing it all, barely acknowledge neighbors now, don't entertain most of my friends. Now it's home after work, sometimes dinner, shower because wife make me lol, chat to kids, hugs and in my bedroom by 9. Sometimes I'll sleep other times I just listen to music other times I lay there in silence.

It's tough on my wife, she often just lays with me, when kids go bed, trying to reassure me, I can see the pain and worry in her eyes and I feel nothing. I'm in counselling 4 weeks now, it's hard to know if it will work, it's great to unload, but I'm finding the hours later hard after remembering the past. This is good they tell me, I just need to associate the feelings and learn how to control them.

Kelly777

ok so you are the same. I was wondering why


quote="AlwaysGrey;106691275"]As soon as I'm home, it's like a weight is lifted, especially when I see kids and wife. I think it is the safety of knowing your loved and being in a familiar safe place you created.[/quote]

RabbleRouser2k

moloner4 wrote: »

I lost a lot of "friends" after asking for help, realised a lot weren't actually friends but a lot were there for me.

My father had his own issues that led to my parents splitting so it's a been the elephant in the room since then but no one dares to bring it up.

I had similar experiences with my own mental illness-some of my friends were very supportive, and others I lost. It's sort of a strange thing-but I think some have had experiences with it, I don't want it drudged up again. The emotions I mean.
I'm pretty selective with friends

As for the elephant in the room...yeah, my own family don't mind discussing it with me, but not outside family. I'd rather explain to explain some of my weirdest choices, or drastic choices.
I can understand it, kindof, but there is this sort of 'shame' to it-and I'd like that to end. Also, I think there can sometimes be a 'blame' attached to it-as in 'who caused it-was it us?'...and tbh, I can remember having dark thoughts going back to around 10 or 11, and I got anxiety over the most mundane crap. Most kids were happy then, I was the guy who could stress out over everything.

Tell me how

Tell me how wrote: »

I have no problem discussing with family. They know pretty much everything and are very supportive. It's outside the family I struggle with.

When I went through my lowest point, I told 4 friends I considered very close. 1 disappeared completely (partly my fault though), 2 never mentioned it again and the level of friendship regressed and the last was and still is very supportive but we don't discuss it frequently.

I'm always wary of the "Just talk" campaigns, absolutely no one should have to suffer in silence but it can be harmful to reach out and not get understanding and quite often, people can't help through no fault of their own. Also, it can often be the case, I think, that some people are dealing with their own issues and quite simply just cannot take on some one elses problems to that level.

Is there one person in your family you could broach it with? I do think it's best to start such conversations when you are in a relatively good place.

I couldn't agree with this more. To expose yourself and be vulnerable only to be met with radio silence can be disheartening. Sometimes people aren't looking for a solution or wise words, simply an acknowledgement of where they are at. That's far better than having your deepest fears left floating in the ether while you're left wondering Jesus what must that person think of me, are they judging me?

Kitty6277

Uncertainty gives me anxiety. Uncertainty and waiting gives me more anxiety. Why do I have to over think everything, why can't I just push things to the back of my head and deal with them as they arise instad of thinking of all the "what ifs"?