Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

Tell me how

apone wrote:

Thanks, I'll try and do as you say, it's been too many years like this at this point. I've tried lifestyle changes and such but it doesnt work, if i could just be lifted out of the dark hole for a while and try and build a few relationships.

Similar to what Bridgettedon said, just take the first step. I wouldn't rule anything out, or in. It is likely meds will be an option but they are not the absolute solution.
My experience is that those that find success did so with a combination of several treatment types at different times. Just because something doesn't work at one point, don't rule it out permanently.

apone

Tell me how wrote: »

Similar to what Bridgettedon said, just take the first step. I wouldn't rule anything out, or in. It is likely meds will be an option but they are not the absolute solution.
My experience is that those that find success did so with a combination of several treatment types at different times. Just because something doesn't work at one point, don't rule it out permanently.

Thanks & yes, I agree but I know myself by now, I will do anything to avoid contact with people.
I even do all my shopping online; I will find some excuse to not go to therapy or anything like this that may be recommended.
Going to the doctor will take a huge effort even.

Gremlinertia

Apone, your doctor will have heard stories similar to yours before. I was so nervous approaching mine about all this that i wrote it down in points because i was pretty sure (correctly as it turned out) i would freeze and be unable to speak. While i still struggle all the time i can honestly say it;s the best thing i ever did. Welcome to the thread by the way

bridgettedon

I'm thinking of going to the doctor this week. Sometimes it's embarrassing why I need to go to the doctor. I'm sure other people will think I'm mad. However sometimes I just need to unload and being able to discuss it with someone who knows a lot about my situation really helps.

I went to the see the psych last week. It's was a different doctor again. I was asked to fill out a questionnaire which I think was something to do with the medical council. It's hard to fill it out correctly when the person is sitting right there beside you and will more than likely will read it after. It said on the sheet it is annoymous and the doctor won't know what you write. It's defeats the purpose of the whole questionnaire when the doctor knows exactly who is writing what.

apone

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Apone, your doctor will have heard stories similar to yours before. I was so nervous approaching mine about all this that i wrote it down in points because i was pretty sure (correctly as it turned out) i would freeze and be unable to speak. While i still struggle all the time i can honestly say it;s the best thing i ever did. Welcome to the thread by the way

I'll try my best and go & let you know how it goes.
Thanks everyone

alanzo27

Hi all.

This will probably be a long post so be prepared.
I just want to document my experience with anxiety and depression.

So I have always suffered from anxiety and depression my whole life, but in the last 8 years it has taken a bad turn.

I will start from the beginning.

I used to be a very shy and introverted individual. I had a terrible time in secondary school, isolating myself, not reaching my potential. I got bullied to a certain extent and never socialised as I found I was the one no one wanted to be around. I never reported the bullying as I didn't have the courage.

I had experiences of derealisation/depersonalisation and had a bad habit of thinking any slight pain was serious and that I required emergency assistance.

I was referred to a neurologist at first and he put it down to migraine as I used to get them frequently. I was prescribed medication for it.

I always found it difficult to fit in. It got far worse in the senior cycle, and I rarely attended school again 6th year.

I completed my Leaving Cert in 2010 with poor results.

I went on to complete a FETAC Level 5 in Multimedia, no idea what area I wanted to pursue. Anxiety levels got worse, but I did fare slightly better and got good results.

I applied through the CAO in 2011 and was offered a place in an Honours Degree in Digital Media. I met really nice people there. Felt a little better but still struggling to cope. Started seeing a girl that was on my course. Confided in her.

Had a bad accident that could have been fatal in 2012. Was in hospital for 4 days, and recovered fully thankfully.

I never thought about relationships before, so I didn't know how to react, and she felt I wasn't ready. Which was true, as I still am at the stage where I don't know my sexuality as I've never felt attracted or the desire for a relationship.

But when second year hit I couldn't cope anymore. Too many presentations and I can't cope with public speaking. I was at the stage where leaving the house was frightening so I withdrew in 2013. I was calling ambulances as I thought I was suffering from a heart attack. I suffed severe anxiety attacks and had to seek help. I went to various councelling sessions and CBT therapy. I was also prescribed Sertraline 100mg.

In 2013 I applied to a course funded by SOLAS/CDETB. I did well and received a QQI Level 5 in Graphic Design.

Tried everywhere to get experience, but to no avail. I then did a short Web Design course.

Now I am attending an NLN centre studying Computer Systems and Networks and I feel the place isn't suiting me at all. I was at a Jobs Expo in 2015 and that is how I heard of NLN.

I feel like I'm just stuck in a merry go round of doing courses but am not progressing, and it is making my depression worse. I have no friends that I can hang out with either after college, isolating me further. I do have my family which I am very grateful for.

I was going on and off meds until 2 months ago I decided to quit cold turkey as I couldn't cope with the side effects. Fast forward to now and I am finding myself getting irritated or worked up over the smallest of issues. I don't know where the real me has gone.

I wanted to return to Third Level, but still unsure of the area I want to focus on, and because I was funded through the grant system I cannot get funded until I progress to second semester of second year, effectively meaning I can't return to college.

I am just at a loss and can't seem to find my way. I try my best but I always feel I'm not progressing.

A very long post, and I thank anyone who took the time to read it all.

bridgettedon

Ok there is a lot of information there.

My first advice is to see a doctor about the medication to see what can be done there. It could be a different med or a different dose.

I am currently on a ce scheme. For years I found I was 'failing' at everything I tried. It really knocked my confidence. It is really hard to function when you have anxiety. It ruins everything. Now I work part time so I find it easier than a full time job. The work is aimed at getting people back into full time employment. I don't know if there would be vacancies in an area you are interested in but maybe even a job to help you back into the routine of work life could be beneficial.

I have a long term plan of getting more qualifications but for the moment I am just building my confidence and my cv. It also helps me get out of the house and meet others.

Maybe put a degree off for a few years. I think you get free fees if you are out of an unfinished college course for 5 years or so. You are still quite young. Just focus on getting better.

alanzo27

bridgettedon wrote: »

Ok there is a lot of information there.

My first advice is to see a doctor about the medication to see what can be done there. It could be a different med or a different dose.

I am currently on a ce scheme. For years I found I was 'failing' at everything I tried. It really knocked my confidence. It is really hard to function when you have anxiety. It ruins everything. Now I work part time so I find it easier than a full time job. The work is aimed at getting people back into full time employment. I don't know if there would be vacancies in an area you are interested in but maybe even a job to help you back into the routine of work life could be beneficial.

I have a long term plan of getting more qualifications but for the moment I am just building my confidence and my cv. It also helps me get out of the house and meet others.

Maybe put a degree off for a few years. I think you get free fees if you are out of an unfinished college course for 5 years or so. You are still quite young. Just focus on getting better.

First of all thanks for the advice and reading through that large post.

I would love to get any sort of work at this stage, but the problem is that I have never been employed, purely focusing on education. I have applied for plenty of jobs and I just never get offered one. It's extremely frustrating. I was at two interviews in the past 2 years and walked out for fear of rejection, severe anxiety and just struggling with that sort of on the spot thinking. I find it very difficult to focus on one subject at present without getting bored. It's like I don't have any activity that I actually enjoy.

I should probably forget about Third Level for now as I keep putting it back on my mind. I have another year of funding on my current course so maybe I'll try to stick it out but it's just the environment just doesn't suit me. I feel I shouldn't have even been offered a place as there are people who have learning difficulties and disabilities attending courses, and I feel I'm taking away someone else's place that would need it more than me.

I'll definitely discuss the med sutuation with my GP.

Gremlinertia

Welcome Alan, just wondering if your third level place of study has counselling/career guidance facilities, you could discuss your feelings to get a clearer picture of your path of study. Sounds like you're in the wringer and could do with someone from there to ground yourself a bit. I would agree with above poster about seeing your gp also..

alanzo27

At present I am not attending third level. I am attending a National Learning Network Centre studying Computer Systems amd Networks at QQI Level 5 since last year, and I have 1 year of funding time left. There are councellors I can talk to, but I'm afraid to tell them of my true feelings.

Gremlinertia

alanzo27 wrote: »

At present I am not attending third level. I am attending a National Learning Network Centre studying Computer Systems amd Networks at QQI Level 5 since last year, and I have 1 year of funding time left. There are councellors I can talk to, but I'm afraid to tell them of my true feelings.

I think most staff meet stories like this on a frequent basis, there would be no reason to feel bad about it.. Would you feel able to email them perhaps if face to face is too nerve wracking for now?

Tell me how

alanzo27 wrote:

At present I am not attending third level. I am attending a National Learning Network Centre studying Cpmputer Systems amd Networks at QQI Level 5 since last year, and I have 1 year of funding time left. There are councellors I can talk to, but I'm afraid to tell them of my true feelings.

No need to be afraid of talking to counsellors. They are trained exactly for that purpose.
It can take some time to become comfortable with with a therapist so try not to put too much pressure on the early visits.
I also would advise in not putting too much pressure on regarding career. There's plenty time and loads of people struggle to find their niche for quite a while.

alanzo27

Gremlinertia wrote: »

I think most staff meet stories like this on a frequent basis, there would be no reason to feel bad about it.. Would you feel able to email them perhaps if face to face is too nerve wracking for now?

Yes I can e-mail them. I'll be in college in the morning so I will let them know. Thanks for taking the time to read my posts.

I'm gonna make a nice cuppa, relax for a bit and then try to sleep well for tomorrow.

mansize

Sleeping all day - not good feeling at night but so inviting during the day. Awake now since 11pm.. Will probably drift off 5/6am...

One More Toy

Hello all

First time poster, suffering from treatment resistant depression,

I'm just curious as to whether anyone could recommend any online cbt resources I could try?

Thank you in advance!

mickstupp

Medication withdrawal sucks all sorts of bad.

RubyXI

Hi all, I hope I'm in the right thread....
I have social anxiety and simple things can be very difficult.
I am moving out of my rented accommodation next month. I need to tell my landlord this.
I am so scared of making the phone call. I know that I can do it by letter but I know I really should phone him first.
I really don't know how to word this phone call.
I do realise this sound like a very stupid problem, but does anyone have any advise of how to word this phone call.
Once I know what to say, it might be a little easier to make the call.
Thanks all

mickstupp

It might help you if you physically write out or type some sort of script. Not something to read word for word, but certainly a list of points you want to make. It'll help you not forget anything important.

Gremlinertia

One More Toy wrote: »

Hello all

First time poster, suffering from treatment resistant depression,

I'm just curious as to whether anyone could recommend any online cbt resources I could try?

Thank you in advance!

Have you discussed cbt with your doctor or been referred anywhere?. I read quite a bit about cbt and dbt and while forums like this can be good for discussion i'm just not convinced by the effectiveness of online routes.. There are some decent books around on the subject, i got a couple in easons a few years back..

One More Toy

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Have you discussed cbt with your doctor or been referred anywhere?. I read quite a bit about cbt and dbt and while forums like this can be good for discussion i'm just not convinced by the effectiveness of online routes.. There are some decent books around on the subject, i got a couple in easons a few years back..

Hi thanks for your reply,

Yes cbt has been discussed with the gp I'm trying to get on the aware programme.

Juxtapose

Hi all,

i haven't written in a while but been lurking away. Hope you guys are doing okay.

Things were really on the up for me for a while and i've since slumped into a hole again.
I guess my main problem is being so absolutely terrified of everything. Part of my problem is over analysing and in a negative way. I have a fear of the future, of living somewhere different, of my parents dying, of even the doorbell ringing. It just escalates all the time and change is something that really brings it on. I used to be very carefree and didn't think about things at all. Now situational change and any persons emotions ring in on me.

So today i had an interview for college, it went okay and i was there a total of 3 hours. I had a panic attack last night but i pushed myself to do this as my counsellor has said to face my fears.
Since i've come home i have been numb, a feeling of total fear and panic and it's related to everything. I feel i am totally alone and i just don't get it, whilst everyone else has figured it out. I guess i don't want to feel crazy anymore and i don't want to feel sick to my stomach with fear. Theres no way i feel i can do college in the state i am, i can barely even agree to meeting a friend for coffee. Plans invariably scare the living daylights out of me.

Has anyone else experienced this regards everything and anything and if so what has helped etc.? Did you get over it eventually? I really hope its possible as i feel like im not living life, just trying and failing to do the things i like.

I'm seeing a counsellor about CBT which has helped a lot but this slump feels extremely hard on me. I'm just so tired of feeling like this and i don't want to slip further into a stranger place as i worry what will i do then.

Thanks and sorry for the rant!

Tell me how

Juxtapose wrote:

Has anyone else experienced this regards everything and anything and if so what has helped etc.? Did you get over it eventually? I really hope its possible as i feel like im not living life, just trying and failing to do the things i like.

Juxtapose wrote:

I'm seeing a counsellor about CBT which has helped a lot but this slump feels extremely hard on me. I'm just so tired of feeling like this and i don't want to slip further into a stranger place as i worry what will i do then.

Don't be hard on yourself. This is likely a blip. There is no straight line to a good place, it's up and down.
In fact, while this is unpleasant, it also could be seen as ok to feel down again because it signifies that there was an improvement prior to this.

Well done on considering college and going for the interview. Baby steps are perfectly fine.

drugstore cowboy

mickstupp wrote: »

Medication withdrawal sucks all sorts of bad.

Seroquel withdrawal atm and it's awful.

FortySeven

Absolutely desperate times for me at the minute. I'm battling everything right now and to top it off a lot of unresolved rubbish from my childhood abuse has come back to haunt me, I'm so lonely that I talk to myself in the house, I'm living in a building site yet have no motivation to get on with fixing the house around me. My counsellor doesn't even know how to begin with everything I have on my plate right now and I am starting to want to stop taking my Lithium which is never a good sign. In 2 weeks I am due in court to try to get access to my children after my partner left with them before christmas because I had an enormous depression, this corresponds with the same amount of time my father has been given to live. I just know the two days will fall together and I will be a mess on the most important day of my life. The old prick ruins my life again! My debts are mounting and my fathers impending death is raising all kinds of guilt and remorse but also pain and hatred for what I endured as a child. I miss my family so much it is physical pain. I don't know how I get to work everyday but I'm sure they will fire me soon as I am just not able anymore. I am on a trip wire of tears at any moment and when I go off it is like a holocaust in my head. Huge racking sobs. I've never felt so bloody pointless, unwanted and tarnished as I do now and I have seen some hard times in life. The urge to not exist is constant and I'm really f*cking scared of what I will do when my father eventually dies in the coming weeks. As is my usual luck, my counsellor is now on holiday till May.

I'm seriously considering sectioning myself but this will mean no hope of ever enjoying the company of my children unsupervised again. I feel like I am not real, that my whole persona is fake and put on to fit in with those around me and it is because that is what it is, my whole life I have been hiding this hurt little boy with wall after wall after wall of protection and it is crumbling around me right now. I feel exposed and vulnerable and I honestly don't know who, what or why I am anymore. I'm just going through the motions but in slow motion.

Tell me how

That's a very powerful post Fortyseven.
Sounds like things are coming at you from all sides. Have you anyone you can confide who might help or just be there for you?
Would work be understanding if you needed to take some leave? That really helped me in the past.
Also, could you text your counsellor? Mine allowed me to that and just knowing I could always felt like a safety net which I didn't need to utilize because knowing it was there gave me comfort enough to carry on.

FortySeven

Tell me how wrote: »

That's a very powerful post Fortyseven.
Sounds like things are coming at you from all sides. Have you anyone you can confide who might help or just be there for you?
Would work be understanding if you needed to take some leave? That really helped me in the past.
Also, could you text your counsellor? Mine allowed me to that and just knowing I could always felt like a safety net which I didn't need to utilize because knowing it was there gave me comfort enough to carry on.

Counsellor is going to call me next tuesday which is very good of her. I don't really have anyone else except my sister but she has a very important career in the UK so I don't like to burden her, she has enough trouble with our dad. I can't really ask for time off, I went awol in october last for 3 months, they replaced me as I wouldn't answer the phone then I came around and they took me back but my card is well and truly marked.

To be honest just ranting out that post has helped a bit but I am going now to call aware. Their helpline has been a godsend to me in the past.

Too late. 10-10

Tell me how

FortySeven wrote:

To be honest just ranting out that post has helped a bit but I am going now to call aware. Their helpline has been a godsend to me in the past.

Good idea.

Also, your sister probably knows your struggling but maybe doesn't want to intrude. It's ok to say things are tough. A hug or words of compassion can do wonders.

PTH2009

So sick of seeing everyone getting into relationships, having babies, getting married etc

I never get anything. I've joined dating sites/apps but no girls are interested, I may be a bit overweight (due to anti depressants I was on and gave up) but I'm not ugly (well if no girl is interested in me than I must be ugly ??). I don't drink much, I enjoy things.

I have not been in a relationship since 2013 and lost my mother, grandmother's and uncle in the last 2 years and have not so much kissed a girl or had an ounce of luck since then and I see guys who get with girls by litterly clicking there fingers and there no Brad Pitts either lol

Being single at 26 is hell. Just a bit of luck is all I'm asking.

What is god's plan for me ??? To be miserable die alone. I want to think in 10-12 years I will have a family but atm can't see where it will come from

outofsteam

I don't know where to start. I just know I can't keep this up.
I'm off work and just started on Lustral yesterday, a week after I got the prescription...
I haven't left my house since Saturday. I haven't seen or spoken to anyone except my oh since last Thursday. And boy was that awful... I went to the doctors and had to wait to been seen. I got really agitated and by the time I got to see the doctor, I had myself driven up the walls.
I'm thinking I need to go for inpatient treatment.I found this thread because I was googling St Pats...

Lady is a tramp

outofsteam wrote: »

I don't know where to start. I just know I can't keep this up.
I'm off work and just started on Lustral yesterday, a week after I got the prescription...
I haven't left my house since Saturday. I haven't seen or spoken to anyone except my oh since last Thursday. And boy was that awful... I went to the doctors and had to wait to been seen. I got really agitated and by the time I got to see the doctor, I had myself driven up the walls.
I'm thinking I need to go for inpatient treatment.I found this thread because I was googling St Pats...

I'm just out of St Pats today after an eight week admission. They were absolutely fantastic. I had a different consultant than on my previous (not so successful) admissions, and I felt like she really took such an interest in my case from Day One and did everything she possibly could for me, really taking my views and wishes on board. It's a great hospital. If you have the health insurance to cover it, no harm giving them a call to arrange an assessment. I finally felt completely ready to come home, but if I could, I'd have happily stayed there much longer ... it's a very comfortable, safe, caring environment to be in. Feel free to PM me with any questions about it!

I'm on the Lustral too (I think - that's the same as sertraline, isn't it?) My anxiety heightened significantly for a few days, panic attacks etc. But has really calmed down since then. Hopefully things have improved for you too. My consultant says it's absolutely the best one to be on for anxiety.

I've just started on a Radical Openness DBT course - anyone here ever heard of it? It's a fairly new program, I think St Pats is the only place doing it in Ireland. I'll be continuing it for now as an out-patient. Finding it fantastic so far, only a week in!