Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

Gremlinertia

I was at a big gig two weeks ago. I had massive phases of near panic before, then enjoyed myself (mostly) at it.. Roll on a few days and i was in a black hole of depression, i had kind of expected it because i concentrate a lot on trying to keep relatively 'level' and this was too roller coaster like.. I would guess many people are similar.

mg1982

Gremlinertia wrote: »

I was at a big gig two weeks ago. I had massive phases of near panic before, then enjoyed myself (mostly) at it.. Roll on a few days and i was in a black hole of depression, i had kind of expected it because i concentrate a lot on trying to keep relatively 'level' and this was too roller coaster like.. I would guess many people are similar.

Its a really weird thing its like your brain is coming down off a high and it takes a number of days to even out maybe its an over stimulation thing.

Gremlinertia

mg1982 wrote: »

Its a really weird thing its like your brain is coming down off a high and it takes a number of days to even out maybe its an over stimulation thing.

I said to someone it felt like an emotional hangover, WAAAAAAAY too much packed into a few days, then tiredness, feeling ill and unable to leave bed.

mg1982

Gremlinertia wrote: »

I said to someone it felt like an emotional hangover, WAAAAAAAY too much packed into a few days, then tiredness, feeling ill and unable to leave bed.

Its a real emotional rollercoaster on the way down in the days after. Its like your being punished for having a good time. Life isnt fair.

Gremlinertia

Apparently happens to others too, even without and health issues

pew

Anxiety has been strong lately more so today.

Just seems like everything is building up so much right now.

Tarbyonline

Gremlinertia wrote: »

I was at a big gig two weeks ago. I had massive phases of near panic before, then enjoyed myself (mostly) at it.. Roll on a few days and i was in a black hole of depression, i had kind of expected it because i concentrate a lot on trying to keep relatively 'level' and this was too roller coaster like.. I would guess many people are similar.

I get this too and I'm sure many others do, you are not alone. The only thing that seems to work for me is to take time away from things as much as possible and not put any pressure on myself. The worst part of it for me though is the lack of understanding from others. I like to think of it as having a tank which is full before the event, but emptied as a result. It takes time to slowly fill it up again.

jaxxx

I'm starting to question whether I'm depressed anymore, like as though I've further negatively escalated if that makes any sense? Each day I'm thinking, "I don't like what I've become". I'm literally always angry. Getting frustrated with the slightest thing, almost feel like roaring out like the Incredible Hulk, giving the negativity and all the dark, rage infilled thoughts within me a medium. What was once anxiety, worry, etc has just become nothing but rage, anger, pure hatred. It's like life and death are no longer a concern anymore, like it's an alien concept. Questioning literally everything there is. What's the point of life? What difference would there be if all life on Earth suddenly just stopped? If the universe just suddenly died, what would the loss really be? And the only answer that ever comes across my mind is "none". Is there some stage beyond depression that I now find myself at? I feel like I've lost nearly every bit of compassion that I ever had.

Gremlinertia

I was a ball of rage for many years. It's kind of like an off shoot of anxiety for me, frustration becomes unmanageable anger. It's not the way it goes for everyone of course so it's not always easy to recognise

someyoke

@jaxxx exactly same here. Couldn't have put it better. Rage interspersed with regret, irritability, bitterness. Have you received any treatment or spoken to medical professionals?

jaxxx

Gremlinertia wrote: »

I was a ball of rage for many years. It's kind of like an off shoot of anxiety for me, frustration becomes unmanageable anger. It's not the way it goes for everyone of course so it's not always easy to recognise

someyoke wrote: »

@jaxxx exactly same here. Couldn't have put it better. Rage interspersed with regret, irritability, bitterness. Have you received any treatment or spoken to medical professionals?

I've been debating.... no that's a lie... I've been fighting with myself for weeks now to make an appointment at a psychology and psychotherapy clinic that was recommended to me by my GP but I keep telling myself "no". I'm just so hesitant I think because if they recommend CBT, then I'm almost certain it won't work cos I've tried CBT before and it was pointless. I dunno whether it's I'm too stubborn or set in my ways or whether I'm just sunk into a state that there's no way back from.



I hate being inside my own head for too long with nothing to distract me. You know how our brains are like computers (or vice versa?), well I've always seen my brain as having a good amount of processing power (decently intelligent, ON PAPER AT LEAST, not so much in practice with how I've lead my life), but not possessing the sufficent amount of RAM in order to compute and handle the power, if that makes any sense at all? Lol... I do like how my brain gets carried away sometimes.

someyoke

jaxxx wrote: »

I've been debating.... no that's a lie... I've been fighting with myself for weeks now to make an appointment at a psychology and psychotherapy clinic that was recommended to me by my GP but I keep telling myself "no". I'm just so hesitant I think because if they recommend CBT, then I'm almost certain it won't work cos I've tried CBT before and it was pointless. I dunno whether it's I'm too stubborn or set in my ways or whether I'm just sunk into a state that there's no way back from.



I hate being inside my own head for too long with nothing to distract me. You know how our brains are like computers (or vice versa?), well I've always seen my brain as having a good amount of processing power (decently intelligent, ON PAPER AT LEAST, not so much in practice with how I've lead my life), but not possessing the sufficent amount of RAM in order to compute and handle the power, if that makes any sense at all? Lol... I do like how my brain gets carried away sometimes.

Same situation here, tried CBT, didn't work. Probably didn't buy into it, isn't it said you have to believe in it?
Get the whole computer analogy. Feel myself there is some connectors that have become severed that can help mood. Can they be fixed:)?
Had a funeral over weekend, bunch of mates I had kind of fell out of contact with gathered for it( contact was lost partly due to my own isolation resulting from anxiety/depression).

Thet

mg1982

jaxxx wrote: »

I'm starting to question whether I'm depressed anymore, like as though I've further negatively escalated if that makes any sense? Each day I'm thinking, "I don't like what I've become". I'm literally always angry. Getting frustrated with the slightest thing, almost feel like roaring out like the Incredible Hulk, giving the negativity and all the dark, rage infilled thoughts within me a medium. What was once anxiety, worry, etc has just become nothing but rage, anger, pure hatred. It's like life and death are no longer a concern anymore, like it's an alien concept. Questioning literally everything there is. What's the point of life? What difference would there be if all life on Earth suddenly just stopped? If the universe just suddenly died, what would the loss really be? And the only answer that ever comes across my mind is "none". Is there some stage beyond depression that I now find myself at? I feel like I've lost nearly every bit of compassion that I ever had.

I could have wrote that myself but you wrote it more eloquently than i could. I feel like i could spontaneously combust at any given moment i have so much anger inside me. And i have to work desperatley hard not to unload on someone else and keep it under wraps. If i did let it all out i would literally have no one in my life.

Im the same with the CBT it didnt suit me at all.

La.de.da

Keeping the head just above water. This episode is a tough one. One day, hour at a time.

Longing for crisp autumn/winter air to blow the shackles away.

jaxxx

La.de.da wrote: »

Keeping the head just above water. This episode is a tough one. One day, hour at a time.

Longing for crisp autumn/winter air to blow the shackles away.

I'd really love a thunderstorm with torrential rain, I'm weird like that


#WeirdAndProud lol

I'm up to Dublin next week for an aptitute test for civil service clerical jobs. Been 2 years since I did the first round stage. God if I could get a job life might finally start to look up for a change!

L.Jenkins

jaxxx wrote: »

I'd really love a thunderstorm with torrential rain, I'm weird like that


#WeirdAndProud lol

I'm up to Dublin next week for an aptitute test for civil service clerical jobs. Been 2 years since I did the first round stage. God if I could get a job life might finally start to look up for a change!

Have a look around and see what information you can find on the aptitude tests to give yourself a better chance. I'm sure a few people here on boards have done it.

jaxxx

L.Jenkins wrote: »

Have a look around and see what information you can find on the aptitude tests to give yourself a better chance. I'm sure a few people here on boards have done it.

Yeah there's a thread on it in the work & jobs forum. There's nothing really about the test on Tuesday I can learn about, but if I get to stage 3 (interview) there's a few things I've caught that will be helpful.

jaxxx

So I said "to heck with it" and sent an email to this crowd that my GP recommended to make an appointment (appointments by email only for some reason). 1 week later: inbox still empty.

Sometimes I think the universe is trolling me..........

mg1982

jaxxx wrote: »

So I said "to heck with it" and sent an email to this crowd that my GP recommended to make an appointment (appointments by email only for some reason). 1 week later: inbox still empty.

Sometimes I think the universe is trolling me..........

Thats shocking isnt it. Do this crowd provide counselling services?

jaxxx

mg1982 wrote: »

Thats shocking isnt it. Do this crowd provide counselling services?

Psychology, psychotherapy, the whole shebang. So back to square one. Wait, no square one would be neutral footing of sorts, so really it's back to square -2. Yeah sounds about right.

Gremlinertia

Jaxxx don't give in yet, i went to a counselling/psychotherapy place once too and they didn't even have full time reception so they couldn't always get back to people quickly. That's how crazy in demand all this is.. The place i went to was also recommended by my gp as it did various services on a sliding scale fee and they self funded a bit so couldn't afford full time reception. Send a follow up email if you like too.

Graces7

Deleted User wrote: »

Perhaps but I think it's very important right now that Shpud can have something positive to look towards and be hopeful about. It's not wise to mention the potential downside. Edited to add that while third level is most definitely not a fix or the be all and end all, pointing out how it can all go wrong to a young lad who is struggling isn't very helpful. I don't mean to be harsh

Shpud and others... try any kind of active voluntary work? Ask at citizens info what is there needing strong, willing young folk...

even walking someone;s dog.. or shopping for an old person. Why wait for someone to show interest? Go seek!

Shpud2

Graces7 wrote: »

Shpud and others... try any kind of active voluntary work? Ask at citizens info what is there needing strong, willing young folk...

even walking someone;s dog.. or shopping for an old person. Why wait for someone to show interest? Go seek!

I used to do charity work and loved it and also used to do an old person's shopping. I don't do any now though.

Kitty6277

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Perhaps but I think it's very important right now that Shpud can have something positive to look towards and be hopeful about. It's not wise to mention the potential downside. Edited to add that while third level is most definitely not a fix or the be all and end all, pointing out how it can all go wrong to a young lad who is struggling isn't very helpful. I don't mean to be harsh

I'm late getting in on this, but I found that as soon as I started uni, it worked wonders for my anxiety. It seemed that my main cause of anxiety was school, and the system of the LC and all the pressure put on you to do well. Of course I still get anxious now that I'm in college, but I don't struggle with getting out of bed to go there in the mornings. I wouldn't say it's the "be all and end all", but a change of scenery and perspective certainly helped me

RabbleRouser2k

Kitty6277 wrote: »

I'm late getting in on this, but I found that as soon as I started uni, it worked wonders for my anxiety. It seemed that my main cause of anxiety was school, and the system of the LC and all the pressure put on you to do well. Of course I still get anxious now that I'm in college, but I don't struggle with getting out of bed to go there in the mornings. I wouldn't say it's the "be all and end all", but a change of scenery and perspective certainly helped me

Unfortunately, I know too many people who thought 'it'll be all different' when they went off to further study-instead, it was much the same.
The problem is change of circumstances is one thing, but it's still not the change needed.
Like, 'you're still you', so to speak. The issues are still there. And these places often make those problems way worse.

My friend went to further study, he thought he'd be away from the drama of before. But he survived about 12 weeks-had a major breakdown. Even years later, when he tried again, a different county, different Institution... his problems re-emerged. (He had therapy in between).
He was the lucky one tho-the amount of folks who chose the 'Tragic, final solution'...is far too many. I even remember their names.
One of em used to do a youtube channel-my cousin recommended his videos to me.

I know I seem like the incredibly negative jerkface (to use a polite term) but I'm just trying to present the other side. People don't seem to take that into consideration.

mg1982

RabbleRouser2k wrote: »

Unfortunately, I know too many people who thought 'it'll be all different' when they went off to further study-instead, it was much the same.
The problem is change of circumstances is one thing, but it's still not the change needed.
Like, 'you're still you', so to speak. The issues are still there. And these places often make those problems way worse.

My friend went to further study, he thought he'd be away from the drama of before. But he survived about 12 weeks-had a major breakdown. Even years later, when he tried again, a different county, different Institution... his problems re-emerged. (He had therapy in between).
He was the lucky one tho-the amount of folks who chose the 'Tragic, final solution'...is far too many. I even remember their names.
One of em used to do a youtube channel-my cousin recommended his videos to me.

I know I seem like the incredibly negative jerkface (to use a polite term) but I'm just trying to present the other side. People don't seem to take that into consideration.

College isnt for every1 thats for sure. Been on a few fetac courses over the years but usually have to pull out after a few months cos i get overwhelmed and being around lots of people for that long is stressfull on me. Trouble is if you dont have a college degree in Celtic Phoenix Ireland your kind of screwed.

But then most people seem to get on pretty well during there college years and can be the making of some people. We are all different.

RabbleRouser2k

RabbleRouser2k wrote: »

Unfortunately, I know too many people who thought 'it'll be all different' when they went off to further study-instead, it was much the same.
The problem is change of circumstances is one thing, but it's still not the change needed.
Like, 'you're still you', so to speak. The issues are still there. And these places often make those problems way worse.

My friend went to further study, he thought he'd be away from the drama of before. But he survived about 12 weeks-had a major breakdown. Even years later, when he tried again, a different county, different Institution... his problems re-emerged. (He had therapy in between).
He was the lucky one tho-the amount of folks who chose the 'Tragic, final solution'...is far too many. I even remember their names.
One of em used to do a youtube channel-my cousin recommended his videos to me.

I know I seem like the incredibly negative jerkface (to use a polite term) but I'm just trying to present the other side. People don't seem to take that into consideration.

I think trouble lies, as with anything, in when we assume something will solve all our problems and be the answer we were looking for. That kind of expectation will no doubt lead to disappointment. It's a bit like leaving your home for pastures new in the hope that it will make everything better. Pretty much like you say in your first paragraph.

Every person who had been through third level education will have a different experience. I don't think it's fair to say that in most cases it will make the problem worse in the say way that it isn't fair to say the opposite.

Shpud2

I finally thought things were going well for me. I thought that I was doing all the right things. I felt happy for the first time in a long time.

I was sent crashing down to earth yesterday with the realisation that I will never be Xcepted in society because of my past. That I'm not wanted and that my presence is enough to cause problems.

And it feels so **** and i don't want to eat or get oit of bed and all the happiness is just gone

Graces7

Shpud2 wrote: »

I used to do charity work and loved it and also used to do an old person's shopping. I don't do any now though.

Wondering why?

Graces7

Shpud2 wrote: »

I finally thought things were going well for me. I thought that I was doing all the right things. I felt happy for the first time in a long time.

I was sent crashing down to earth yesterday with the realisation that I will never be Xcepted in society because of my past. That I'm not wanted and that my presence is enough to cause problems.

And it feels so **** and i don't want to eat or get oit of bed and all the happiness is just gone

(((HUGS)))

But get out of bed and EAT! Low blood sugar will make you feel worse, believe me. OK? OK!