Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

Shpud2

Is there any way to shake dark thoughts? I've tried all different types of distraction techniques and even after a month in a psychiatric unit talking to nurses I still can't get the same thoughts out of my head. Feel like one day soon these thoughts will catch up with me and be too much to deal with. This isn't even something I have to do alone as I have all the helplines, counselors and a mental health team around me and yet my thoughts and actions can't be changed.

Tell me how

Shpud2 wrote: »

Is there any way to shake dark thoughts? I've tried all different types of distraction techniques and even after a month in a psychiatric unit talking to nurses I still can't get the same thoughts out of my head. Feel like one day soon these thoughts will catch up with me and be too much to deal with. This isn't even something I have to do alone as I have all the helplines, counselors and a mental health team around me and yet my thoughts and actions can't be changed.

Could you try writing them down to give you a sense that you are getting them out of your head?

If you had a diary or a file on your phone it might allow you to put them there and have a sense that you have dealt with them to some degree.

It might also give you a reference point for the core elements of these thoughts and the frequency which they occur which could help you see a pattern or a focus that can be targeted in talk therapy or, hopefully, you might see after a while that you are having them at decreasing frequencies which might give you confidence that your form is actually improving.

Shpud2

Tell me how wrote: »

Could you try writing them down to give you a sense that you are getting them out of your head?

If you had a diary or a file on your phone it might allow you to put them there and have a sense that you have dealt with them to some degree.

It might also give you a reference point for the core elements of these thoughts and the frequency which they occur which could help you see a pattern or a focus that can be targeted in talk therapy or, hopefully, you might see after a while that you are having them at decreasing frequencies which might give you confidence that your form is actually improving.

I have them all written down on my phone the problem is I keep adding to it and thinking about them and feeling worse.
I know for sure that these thoughts are actually increasing in not only frequency but also strength.

Tell me how

Shpud2 wrote: »

I have them all written down on my phone the problem is I keep adding to it and thinking about them and feeling worse.
I know for sure that these thoughts are actually increasing in not only frequency but also strength.

Are you still in inpatient care?

You mention speaking to Nurses and while that can be helpful, it is not active therapy as such. Ideally, you would be speaking to a therapist over a number of sessions who could guide you.

Talk therapy is as much about listening (to yourself and the therapist) as it just about vocalising what is in your head.

One thing which I think can be difficult to consider is that inpatient care is often primarily just to get us to a point where we are not a danger to ourselves and to get any course of medication correct in terms of type and quantity.

It is critical and essential at times, I too spent time as an inpatient, but I don't think anyone walks out of the ward cured. They walk out better placed to taking the steps they need to to get better.

This is not a judgement on your circumstance, I know you have had and are going through a very difficult period. Talk to your consultant about the process which they see you on and your concerns about the recurring thoughts. They can only help us if they know what we are actually experiencing.

Shpud2

Tell me how wrote: »

Are you still in inpatient care?

You mention speaking to Nurses and while that can be helpful, it is not active therapy as such. Ideally, you would be speaking to a therapist over a number of sessions who could guide you.

Talk therapy is as much about listening (to yourself and the therapist) as it just about vocalising what is in your head.

One thing which I think can be difficult to consider is that inpatient care is often primarily just to get us to a point where we are not a danger to ourselves and to get any course of medication correct in terms of type and quantity.

It is critical and essential at times, I too spent time as an inpatient, but I don't think anyone walks out of the ward cured. They walk out better placed to taking the steps they need to to get better.

This is not a judgement on your circumstance, I know you have had and are going through a very difficult period. Talk to your consultant about the process which they see you on and your concerns about the recurring thoughts. They can only help us if they know what we are actually experiencing.

I am out of inpatient treatment since Wednesday. I found the nurses helpful but obviously not as good as Pieta House for example. I hope to be going back to them soon since I've been discharged.
I feel worse and less equipped to deal with it all now though since I was discharged and lost my grandfather. My consultant said she doesn't know about my medication but said self harm is ok.

SMC92Ian

I've also had awful dark thoughts, we're supposed to tell a therapist all this stuff yeah? Can they legally then take you into care if they feel your a danger to yourself? I'm avoiding it incase the doctor takes it too serious and next thing I'm in a mental hospital (is that the correct word?)

Also I finally seem to be getting sleep but then I end up having dreams and nightmares and wake up depressed because they're sometimes "happy" dreams of how life used to be or what you wish happened or will happen... sometimes you can never f'n win, you either suffer from insomnia or you sleep and have awful dreams.

Shpud2

SMC92Ian wrote: »

I've also had awful dark thoughts, we're supposed to tell a therapist all this stuff yeah? Can they legally then take you into care if they feel your a danger to yourself? I'm avoiding it incase the doctor takes it too serious and next thing I'm in a mental hospital (is that the correct word?)

I am completely open and honest with my therapists and doctors so they gave me the choice of going into the psychiatric unit voluntarily or else I would be sectioned I believe is the word.

SMC92Ian

Shpud2 wrote: »

I am completely open and honest with my therapists and doctors so they gave me the choice of going into the psychiatric unit voluntarily or else I would be sectioned I believe is the word.

Yeah I'll keep those locked up in my head so.

Shpud2

SMC92Ian wrote: »

Yeah I'll keep those locked up in my head so.

I'd let them out.
"Better out than in I always say" - Shrek

Tell me how

SMC92Ian wrote: »

Yeah I'll keep those locked up in my head so.

They have to come out somehow or else they will do damage.
You will not be sectioned immediately if you say something dark. It will be assessed along with your physical demeanor, your day to day habits and other factors.

Please don't use fear of being treated as an inpatient as a barrier to getting help.

SMC92Ian

Tell me how wrote: »

They have to come out somehow or else they will do damage.
You will not be sectioned immediately if you say something dark. It will be assessed along with your physical demeanor, your day to day habits and other factors.

Please don't use fear of being treated as an inpatient as a barrier to getting help.

Jabbing blades into my skin and telling them I often think about killing myself is def going to get me sanctioned.

RabbleRouser2k

Shpud2 wrote: »

I have them all written down on my phone the problem is I keep adding to it and thinking about them and feeling worse.
I know for sure that these thoughts are actually increasing in not only frequency but also strength.

You have to go old school for this-writing them into your phone isn't the same. (Trust me on this). Write it out on paper, then just tear it up or burn it or shred it or whatever.
It acts like a cleanse. There's scientific research that shows that we remember information far better when we physically write it out, rather than typing it into a device. But we also absolve ourselves of information when we do it physically-it's Cathartic.

When my aunt was sick (breast cancer-she's still alive almost 20 years after, and all clear too) she worried enormously about her family-fearing the worst.
A good friend of hers, who was also a priest, told her to write things down, throw them in the fire-and once they were burnt, forget them.

Now, with mental illness, it can be a little different-sometimes those thoughts can hang around, some times they can disappear. I've had the experience of both. Some lingering thoughts hang around, others die a death.
You can even find handbooks that sort of 'walk you through it' when it comes to negative thoughts.

Gremlinertia

SMC it won't, be honest always, healthcare professionals have heard so much.. I was in a place where i was trying to get arrested/detained at a point or two in my time, never came to it because people could see what i could not.

Gremlinertia

Now to wear my MOD hat, topics around self harm and suicide are not allowed as per both the charter of this particular forum and site wide.. There are many support services available, again listed in the sticky also remember that your local hospital or out of hours clinic can provide help in a crisis..

Shpud2

RabbleRouser2k wrote: »

You have to go old school for this-writing them into your phone isn't the same. (Trust me on this). Write it out on paper, then just tear it up or burn it or shred it or whatever.
It acts like a cleanse. There's scientific research that shows that we remember information far better when we physically write it out, rather than typing it into a device. But we also absolve ourselves of information when we do it physically-it's Cathartic.

When my aunt was sick (breast cancer-she's still alive almost 20 years after, and all clear too) she worried enormously about her family-fearing the worst.
A good friend of hers, who was also a priest, told her to write things down, throw them in the fire-and once they were burnt, forget them.

Now, with mental illness, it can be a little different-sometimes those thoughts can hang around, some times they can disappear. I've had the experience of both. Some lingering thoughts hang around, others die a death.
You can even find handbooks that sort of 'walk you through it' when it comes to negative thoughts.

I actually wrote it all out when I was in hospital but they took the sheets off me I laid all my thoughts and ideas out on the table literally and it did help as I got to talk a nurse through them and that was the plan to do with my doctor but they took the sheets so I couldn't do that.

I do find having them on my phone useful for when I do see a doctor or counsellor because I'll have things I'll have forgotten about that I wanted to talk about so I suppose it works both ways. I understand where you are coming from with the lingering versus passing thoughts though as I said I do forget things that at the time really worry or upset me etc but I think being able to bring them back up with a professional is more beneficial but that's just my opinion.

lbc2019

Hope everyone is doing good today and if not, know that things will improve even if it doesn’t seem that way right now

SMC92Ian

Gremlinertia wrote: »

SMC it won't, be honest always, healthcare professionals have heard so much.. I was in a place where i was trying to get arrested/detained at a point or two in my time, never came to it because people could see what i could not.

We'll see how far I get, right now I'm trying to at least open up and tell someone in person. It's getting to the point now it's to dangerous and I'm heading down a dark path... sounds like I'm writing some awful emo book here. But you get the idea.

Gremlinertia

SMC92Ian wrote: »

We'll see how far I get, right now I'm trying to at least open up and tell someone in person. It's getting to the point now it's to dangerous and I'm heading down a dark path... sounds like I'm writing some awful emo book here. But you get the idea.

I found it easier to tell counsellor as I knew they would cope better being trained an all plus they wouldn't be able tell anyone else.. Actually I think I mostly wrote it down first because anxiety would make my voice fail..

Tell me how

SMC92Ian wrote: »

We'll see how far I get, right now I'm trying to at least open up and tell someone in person. It's getting to the point now it's to dangerous and I'm heading down a dark path... sounds like I'm writing some awful emo book here. But you get the idea.

Have you started to engage with your GP or a therapist?
It might sound scary and it can take some getting used to but it is worth it.

I hope if you do have some difficult sessions that you don't let that deter you. It does get easier once you connect with someone.

RabbleRouser2k

Shpud2 wrote: »

I actually wrote it all out when I was in hospital but they took the sheets off me I laid all my thoughts and ideas out on the table literally and it did help as I got to talk a nurse through them and that was the plan to do with my doctor but they took the sheets so I couldn't do that.

I do find having them on my phone useful for when I do see a doctor or counsellor because I'll have things I'll have forgotten about that I wanted to talk about so I suppose it works both ways. I understand where you are coming from with the lingering versus passing thoughts though as I said I do forget things that at the time really worry or upset me etc but I think being able to bring them back up with a professional is more beneficial but that's just my opinion.

Damn. And there's no way they will just give you an hour or even 20 minutes with a pencil and paper? Like, that sort of can help. Just to allot a time.

Shpud2

RabbleRouser2k wrote: »

Damn. And there's no way they will just give you an hour or even 20 minutes with a pencil and paper? Like, that sort of can help. Just to allot a time.

No it wasn't giving me the pen and paper they had a problem with, it was what I had written down.

RabbleRouser2k

Shpud2 wrote: »

No it wasn't giving me the pen and paper they had a problem with, it was what I had written down.

Well, that's pretty sad... like, I imagine some professionals know that writing thoughts down and tearing em up is part of the mental health process.
At least it was what my therapist told me.

It helps even to shred em up.

SMC92Ian

Even the professionals don't know it all, especially if they've never went through it or something like it, how would they really know?

Checkmate19

You have to trust someone. Professionals i agree dont know it all but its really all we have along with therapy counselling. Getting better is a combination of things. Its trail and error what works for one person wont work for other. It took me forever to get on the correct tablets and the correct psychiariast. As i said its tough and finding the correct help is a hard. Im a strong believer in meds and excercise thats what gave me the tools to get better.

Tell me how

SMC92Ian wrote: »

Even the professionals don't know it all, especially if they've never went through it or something like it, how would they really know?

You are right. No professional knows it all. But they know a lot. Because they are educated to diagnose and deal with the disease. They have hundreds of case study examples as opposed to the single example an ill person might have in their head.

Empathy is good, and in many cases, that is best coming from someone who has walked the walk.

However, speaking as someone who worked with a therapist for a period who they themselves had had mental health difficulties, it is not necessarily a fact that they will be best able to help someone.

LegacyUser

To all of you who are hesitant about seeking help. I'm an accredited psychotherapist who understands completely how hard it can be to reach out. At the end of the day the nature of therapy requires us to open up and place our trust in another human being, a stranger. Let me tell you though that just being listened to and understood can count for an awful lot. Knowing that there will be another person who you can be yourself with, feel safe in the presence of, trust, all of that will contribute to the healing.

It is important to keep in mind though that us therapists are humans too and each one of us will have a different way of working and bring our own individuality in to the relationship. Do you know when you meet a person for the first time and you just don't click? Well it can be like that when you go see a therapist for your first appointment. Thats why its important to shop around.

Go on to the IAHIP website and type in the location that suits you. Have a look through the different therapists that pop up. Ring a few and arrange an appointment. Let them know that you are uncertain and are trying to find the right person you feel comfortable with.
I've had lots of clients begin work with me in that manner and I've been the other side of the relationship as well

Shpud2

I don't know if it's grief lingering over my grandfather's death or if depression has finally taken over me and I just can't fight it anymore. I don't want to leave my bed. I don't want to face the world. Everything brings me down and there's no positives. Really hoping things can improve soon.

RabbleRouser2k

Shpud2 wrote: »

I don't know if it's grief lingering over my grandfather's death or if depression has finally taken over me and I just can't fight it anymore. I don't want to leave my bed. I don't want to face the world. Everything brings me down and there's no positives. Really hoping things can improve soon.

Just get up an eat something-yeah, I know that sounds easier said than done. But just do that. You won't regret it.
But you will regret not eating-even a bowl of cereal fills the void.

Otherwise the low blood sugars can make you more depressed. It's because you start to feel tired and drained.

Shpud2

RabbleRouser2k wrote: »

Just get up an eat something-yeah, I know that sounds easier said than done. But just do that. You won't regret it.
But you will regret not eating-even a bowl of cereal fills the void.

Otherwise the low blood sugars can make you more depressed. It's because you start to feel tired and drained.

Had food but still the feeling remains. It's hard to shake it.

Red Lightning

Shpud2 wrote:

Had food but still the feeling remains. It's hard to shake it.

Sorry your struggling.
Do you have any short term or long term goals to work towards?
Aim to do something that scares you.