Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

norwegianwood

Starting my first professional job tomorrow and the social anxiety is already starting to kick in, I was so happy about getting the job that it's only starting to dawn on me now how tough this will be, I'll have responsibility and have to give off some impression of being confident, I don't know how I'll manage that and I feel like I'll make a complete mess of it.

Wilberto

norwegianwood wrote: »

Starting my first professional job tomorrow and the social anxiety is already starting to kick in, I was so happy about getting the job that it's only starting to dawn on me now how tough this will be, I'll have responsibility and have to give off some impression of being confident, I don't know how I'll manage that and I feel like I'll make a complete mess of it.

To be honest, if it's like any other job, you probably won't be expected to do much for the first week or so, apart from to just get up to speed with the basics. Any person starting a new job will have to be trained in and that takes time. Chances are you're not going to be thrown into the lions' pit on day one.

Turtle_

Notsomindful wrote: »

Thanks for sharing your experience. I feel I owe it to both myself and grouo to step aside. I can play part of being a facilitator abut carry all stress from meeting for few days after. I feel however I am letting them down by doing this.
It is not as if the issues are major in group it is just too much right now.

Notsomindful, I really don't think you'll be letting the group down. If anything it's demonstrating good management of your health - things are getting tough and so you're being aware of that and taking steps to manage the difficulties in your life.

norwegianwood wrote: »

Starting my first professional job tomorrow and the social anxiety is already starting to kick in, I was so happy about getting the job that it's only starting to dawn on me now how tough this will be, I'll have responsibility and have to give off some impression of being confident, I don't know how I'll manage that and I feel like I'll make a complete mess of it.

I'm leaving where I work in a few months so we hired a new guy to replace me and he started a little while back. It's his first time in a professional role. We've allowed for 5-6 months to get him trained in and up to normal productivity. During that time I'll still be there, so there's no overall loss in productivity and any well run business will do that.

What we give him to do is stuff that isn't hugely urgent, and we're all very open to him asking questions about how stuff is done - even if it's for the umpteenth time. The reason we're allowing for all this is because we've all been that soldier - new in a job, new in the career, not used to the way things work in this particular office. It takes time to get used to a job and the people you'll be working with will be well aware of that. They've been where you are and they're not expecting miracles. If someone loses you in an explanation just stop them immediately at the point they lose you. They won't be annoyed!

What I (and just about every decent professional I know) do is I have a little notebook with things in the office that are handy to have written down. At the back (only needs one or two pages) I have simple stuff like how to print, how to log jobs, what to say on the phone, where stuff is stored. Then the front I use for specific jobs I'm working on - if I have a conversation about X, I make a small note of the date and time and write something like "Spoke to John about X, decision not yet made". If I'm talking with my boss about how to approach something, I might sketch it and he might add stuff to the sketch. Jotting stuff down makes life soooo much easier because you don't have to rely on yourself to remember it.

In terms of dealing with clients, it's okay not to know the answer. Years into my career, I still don't always know the answer with clients. Two weeks ago I said to one "Look, I'm really not certain how to handle this and I want to talk to [my boss] before I do anything on this to make sure we're on the right track". People have NO problem hearing that, or it's cousin "Okay, I'll have a look at that for you at X time and get back to you once I think about it properly/discuss it/whatever".

You've been hired because your new employer reckons that at some point you'll be able to do the job. They don't expect that point to be day 1. Even with experienced hires, there's still a bedding in period where people get used to company procedures and even silly ****e like where the pens are when theirs runs out.

You'll be okay, let us know how you find it.

Whizzzy

I'm 56.

I've had epilepsy for 30 years, approximately. I got it after a severe dose of shingles on my head.

I've been on Epilim for it for about 20 years.

It used to be the case that, when I was on 200mg/day (one tablet in the morning), I would have the occasional grand mal, feel groggy for a little bit, and then get on with it.

My neurologist raised my dosage to 2 x 500mg about 8 years ago.

I now experience, about every two months (6-8 times a year) a kind of BP ll / Hypo-mania type build up where I'm feeling/thinking, "This is great. Nothing has happened for about two months. I must be doing something right.".

Then BANG! It usually starts with a slight absence, followed by a headache or migraine. Sometimes, as on this occasion, it can all be preceded by an aura. When I was still drinking a bit, things were far worse. Epilim and alcohol are absolute no-no's.

Two psychiatrists have told me I'm not BP. For where I'm sitting, it sure looks that way every 8 weeks.

But, I've also read that the side effects of Epilim can be bad, and that depression can be one of them. The thing is, in my case, I can be a bit manic (slightly) before it all goes downhill. End to end, it usually last about 4-6 days.

I definitely have a glass half-empty personality. That is a big part of my problem. I also have zero self-esteem and find social situations very difficult.

But, while in the past I would suffer the consequences of my epilepsy, I didn't experience these bouts of depression.

I've seen a therapist on and off. But, I think I need to speak to people who experience the same chemical storms that I do.

Are there moderated discussion groups that meet where people can discuss their recent experiences? (I'm South Dublin)

Thanks for any feedback.

D.

Ps. I can always say that something triggered the event. Last week, for about five days leading up to the migraine, my gut wasn't right. I have found that if anything in my gut affects the absorption of the Epilim, it only leads to trouble.

Shint0

Epilim is also used off-label as a mood stabiliser generally where other first-line treatment approaches haven't worked such as lithium and sometimes in combination. Did the psychiatrists suggest any other form of treatment for your mood?

Whizzzy

Shint0 wrote: »

Epilim is also used off-label as a mood stabiliser generally where other first-line treatment approaches haven't worked such as lithium and sometimes in combination. Did the psychiatrists suggest any other form of treatment for your mood?

Shint0,

Thanks for the reply.

No, that hasn't been discussed.

The way I see it is this;

1. My weakness is my gut. My GP has said this to me on more than one occasion.

2. My system is addicted to 1000mg of Epilim a day.

3. If there is a sudden withdrawl of this through infection, alcohol, or whatever, I go haywire.

What no one seems to be able to tell me is if sudden withdrawl of Epilim can lead to BPll or Hypomanic type symptoms.

There was a time when having a grand mal was frustrating/embarrassing/annoying, or any combination of these. And I would get down on myself for this.

BUT, a grand mal is immensely cathartic. You literally defragment the hard drive, if I may borrow a computer term.

But, this "trying to keep a lid on it" approach is costing me about 20-30 days a year.

I recently heard a young girl on the radio who was about to start the Leaving Cert. She had severe epilepsy and could have up to 20 attacks a day. She had always had it, but had learned to live with it. She was admirable.

This tidal wave of depression I get after my absence/headache/migraine (in any combo) is what I can't handle anymore.

Epilepsy is physical flaw in the brain that can be a pain in the butt. But, as this young girl was demonstrating, it isn't a head-in-the-oven condition.

What my Epilim cold-turkey phases (if that is what they are) do to me on the other hand, are something of a different order entirely.

Though, as I implied above, my personality probably doesn't help how I deal with it either.

Thanks again.

D.

Shint0

That's actually something I have posted on here before, Whizzy, that there probably isn't enough understanding about the interaction of neurological conditions and mental health issues. Perhaps you could do a little research yourself and if you discover any link bring it to the attention of your doctor. They don't always have the anwers and sometimes aren't aware of how certain conditions overlap. As you say you seem to have detected a pattern and that's significant.

I do have some idea what you refer to in terms of the release once the seizure passes although I don't have the condition myself but I have indeed heard of this phenomenon.

Whizzzy

Shint0,

Thanks again.

Yes, there is a great release experienced after a grand mal. Aside from some tongue biting, it's pretty much a relief.

I think I'm probably due another visit to my neurologist to discuss side-effects of Epilim with him and whether withdrawl/reduction of the dosage (through illness, or whatever) can mimic the symptoms of BP or Hypomania. My instinct is yes, else I would have been diagnosed BP a long time ago.

D.

Shint0

Well definitely pursue that angle further. It's terrible to have to suffer like that on an ongoing basis.

There's actually a song about that whole post-seizure phenomenon called Epilepsy is Dancing by Antony and the Johnsons. The video is a bit risqué so probably not so safe for work on YouTube but if you listen to it on Spotify it's really a very beautiful and touching song. The singer has epilepsy himself and describes the ecstasy once the seizure passes but he equally applies it to any type of disordered state of mind and the enhanced pleasure once some type of equilibrium is restored. Bit rambling here now, I know.

Notsomindful

Has anyone ever sought a second opinion on their diagnosis? I would like to get assessed again by some one who doesn't know me or my story...and see what diagnosis they give. I feel my diagnosis was given as i dont fit into any neat boxes.

Is it a psychologist i'd have to go to

Shint0

Notsomindful wrote: »

Has anyone ever sought a second opinion on their diagnosis? I would like to get assessed again by some one who doesn't know me or my story...and see what diagnosis they give. I feel my diagnosis was given as i dont fit into any neat boxes.

Is it a psychologist i'd have to go to

It depends on what the assessment is for but mental health services will require a referral from your GP who might already have your prior medical history so there would be no getting around that just to bear that in mind.

If it's something that could be assessed and diagnosed by a psychologist rather than a psychiatrist it may in some instances be possible to have an independent assessment without a referral but they absolutely will ask you about your medical history and would be wise to disclose it so they get the full picture.

Kitty6277

Well, I got through it. The thing that was causing me huge anxiety in my life, the Leaving Cert. I did it. It was tough, and the anxiety made it even worse, and even though my way of getting through it was unorthodox, I still did it. I'm hugely proud of myself, and whatever way the results go, I have some sort of plan. Wow! I did it!

Hugo Stiglitz

Kitty6277 wrote: »

Well, I got through it. The thing that was causing me huge anxiety in my life, the Leaving Cert. I did it. It was tough, and the anxiety made it even worse, and even though my way of getting through it was unorthodox, I still did it. I'm hugely proud of myself, and whatever way the results go, I have some sort of plan. Wow! I did it!

Well done! x

mickstupp

Kitty6277 wrote: »

Well, I got through it. The thing that was causing me huge anxiety in my life, the Leaving Cert. I did it. It was tough, and the anxiety made it even worse, and even though my way of getting through it was unorthodox, I still did it. I'm hugely proud of myself, and whatever way the results go, I have some sort of plan. Wow! I did it!

Hey listen, just bear this in mind... because it's easy to put a lot of weight on those results...

They don't really matter. Once you hit 23, the course requirements stop making a difference and you can get into a college course on other grounds. That's what I did and it worked out great, because I had more life experience and was better able to handle university. ... if that was your plan, anyway...

Also, mucho congrats!

Kitty6277

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Well done! x

mickstupp wrote: »

Hey listen, just bear this in mind... because it's easy to put a lot of weight on those results...

They don't really matter. Once you hit 23, the course requirements stop making a difference and you can get into a college course on other grounds. That's what I did and it worked out great, because I had more life experience and was better able to handle university. ... if that was your plan, anyway...

Also, mucho congrats!

Thank you both! X

That's also an option, and for the moment, I'm not too worried about the results. If I don't get the points, I'll probably do a PLC, but waiting until I'm 23 is an option too.

Shint0

Well done, Kitty. You can exhale now. Try to put it to the back of your mind for the moment.

mickstupp

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck panic attacks. Uuuuuguggggggh.

Tell me how

mickstupp wrote:

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck panic attacks. Uuuuuguggggggh.

It's Ok Mick. Want to vent a bit?

Kitty6277

Shint0 wrote: »

Well done, Kitty. You can exhale now. Try to put it to the back of your mind for the moment.

Thank you! That's exactly what I'm doing, I'm having a much needed relax, and I'm really enjoying not being anxious for the time being.

mickstupp

So. Does anyone have any advice for dealing with a public meltdown while commuting? I resorted to saying my dog just died, which I feel very guilty about, despite not having a dog. I should've gone for a cat... for my own peace of mind.

Tell me how

mickstupp wrote:

So. Does anyone have any advice for dealing with a public meltdown while commuting? I resorted to saying my dog just died, which I feel very guilty about, despite not having a dog. I should've gone for a cat... for my own peace of mind.

Can you get to your GP or Psych support? Sounds like you're in a particularly rough patch. Even if you manage to make an appointment, it might alleviate the stress somewhat until you go to it.

Was there something in particular about the journey that triggered the stress? Would it be possible to avoid this somehow in future?

mickstupp

Nah, every time I finish a block of work and find myself without distraction I fall apart a bit. Combined with way too many people and really noisy traffic, a missed bus, getting drenched, it all just added up.

Unfortunately due to physical issues I've had to crash off medication until the other stuff gets sorted. So the last two months have been very unstable. Have disturbingly regular doc appointments anyway, but it's still a few panic attacks per week.

Don't even know how to remind myself, when I'm in the middle of it, that I could be doing some sort of grounding exercise.

Notsomindful

Hope things have calmed down for you mick.

I am feeling fairly low still.
I think my partner is bringing me down and not a help to my mood.
We broke up for year after 10 years then got back together a few months. Kids are benefitting but we cant be a couple.

I resigned from facilitator role in support group today. Feel its right thing for me but still have a sense of failure in letting people down.

La.de.da

I've resigned myself to the fact that some people only contact you (me) when they want to offload and want advice; yet when the shoe is on the other foot, I'm ignored. Message sent, and read no reply.

I realise that sounds a little petty but I'm sick of it.

Time to be selfish and create a distance from all the drama. And be less available.

Apologies for the rant.

Notsomindful

La.de.da wrote: »

I've resigned myself to the fact that some people only contact you (me) when they want to offload and want advice; yet when the shoe is on the other foot, I'm ignored. Message sent, and read no reply.

I realise that sounds a little petty but I'm sick of it.

Time to be selfish and create a distance from all the drama. And be less available.

Apologies for the rant.

I empathise with you.
Hate though when people pass judgements because you mind yourself

Notsomindful

Finding it majorly tough this weekend. Could do with a lot of support I dont have.
So overwhelmed, urge to use negative coping techniques is very high.
Lucky that I am flat broke this week as Id be gone other wise.

Hugo Stiglitz

La.de.da wrote: »

I've resigned myself to the fact that some people only contact you (me) when they want to offload and want advice; yet when the shoe is on the other foot, I'm ignored. Message sent, and read no reply.

I realise that sounds a little petty but I'm sick of it.

Time to be selfish and create a distance from all the drama. And be less available.

Apologies for the rant.

No apologies needed, LDD.

Please don't isolate yourself. I know just how damaging that can be.

Notsomindful

Hope everyone had an ok weekend.

Gremlinertia

Notsomindful wrote: »

Hope everyone had an ok weekend.

Did ok here, well the two photos show smiles so i covered that much.. Hope you're ok too.

pew

Pretty sure I hit near rock bottom this week.

Thankfully, I pulled myself back. I could see what was going to happen and prevented it.

Progress maybe?

Tell me how

pew wrote:

Thankfully, I pulled myself back. I could see what was going to happen and prevented it.

pew wrote:

Progress maybe?

Definitely progress. Well done.

Hugo Stiglitz

pew wrote: »

Pretty sure I hit near rock bottom this week.

Thankfully, I pulled myself back. I could see what was going to happen and prevented it.

Progress maybe?

Well done! Keep up the good work! x

maca123

Hi.

I've been going through depression and anxiety due to something that happened in my life a very long time ago.
I tried SSRIs but quit them as they didn't help.

Since Feb of this year I'm after getting my dependent on benzodiazepines. I'm not prescribed them but take them daily. The problem is made worse by the fact that I just got a job.
Bascially, I can't function in the job unless I take benzos. I never took them to get high I took them for social anxiety.

tldr: If I go to a GP and tell him I'm after getting myself hooked on benzos, what will s/he do for me to help? generally.. does anyone know?

Notsomindful

Well done Pew. Great to see you online Grem.

In a mess, officially single. But no way of moving out. Sleeping on sofa tonight, long story. Head melted.

La.de.da

maca123 wrote: »

Hi.

I've been going through depression and anxiety due to something that happened in my life a very long time ago.
I tried SSRIs but quit them as they didn't help.

Since Feb of this year I'm after getting my dependent on benzodiazepines. I'm not prescribed them but take them daily. The problem is made worse by the fact that I just got a job.
Bascially, I can't function in the job unless I take benzos. I never took them to get high I took them for social anxiety.

tldr: If I go to a GP and tell him I'm after getting myself hooked on benzos, what will s/he do for me to help? generally.. does anyone know?

Hi maca. Please do go to your gp. They'll be able to discuss options and help you.

Benzos can tend to become like a comfort blanket.
Doctor should be able to discuss an alternative.

La.de.da

Notsomindful wrote: »

Well done Pew. Great to see you online Grem.

In a mess, officially single. But no way of moving out. Sleeping on sofa tonight, long story. Head melted.

Sorry to hear that. It's a tough situation one I know all too well. Still house share with ex as can't sell the property.

Take things one day at a time.
It'll work out.

Gremlinertia

Maca I'll echo La here, go to a doc, write a list of daily habits and just go full disclosure, be safe..

Shint0

maca123 wrote: »

tldr: If I go to a GP and tell him I'm after getting myself hooked on benzos, what will s/he do for me to help? generally.. does anyone know?

It would depend on the degree of how hooked you are, maca123. Don't worry about telling the GP. Even though we can build things up in our own mind they have seen and heard everything before, and a good GP will never be judgemental. It's better to do it under the supervision of a doctor rather than try to go cold turkey as that approach has proven disastrous for a lot of people who have used benzos on a long-term basis.

Notsomindful wrote: »

In a mess, officially single. But no way of moving out. Sleeping on sofa tonight, long story. Head melted.

Sorry to hear about your difficulties, Notsomindful. You seem to have a lot on your plate at the moment. I hope you are able to access relevant supports rather than trying to deal with it all on your own. Hopefully things will come good for you soon.

Gremlinertia

Hope you're doing ok today Notso.

maca123

La.de.da wrote: »

Hi maca. Please do go to your gp. They'll be able to discuss options and help you.

Benzos can tend to become like a comfort blanket.
Doctor should be able to discuss an alternative.

I don't think there is an alternative. There is a taper but I'm not sure a GP would necessarily agree with that?

BorneTobyWilde

Some problems are easily solved yet impossible to get there.

Gremlinertia

BorneTobyWilde wrote: »

Some problems are easily solved yet impossible to get there.

It's the catch 22 thing i think many, many of us are familiar with.. Like one of the things that comes up time and again for me, i often end up washing a load of clothes twice because i just couldn't get my sh*t together to get them out of the machine in time first time..
In a longer view sense it took me well over ten years to seek help because i wasn't aware how bad i was and even when i was i went for the ignore it option, felt easier at the time..

Tell me how

Gremlinertia wrote:

It's the catch 22 thing i think many, many of us are familiar with.. Like one of the things that comes up time and again for me, i often end up washing a load of clothes twice because i just couldn't get my sh*t together to get them out of the machine in time first time..

I spent years paying for my laundry to be done for this reason. That or just buying new clothes because I couldn't be ar*ed ironing.

It's very difficult to understand for those who haven't the experience.

Gremlinertia

Oh ironing hasn't happened here since school half my life ago. The rare time i have to go to something vaguely formal i think i usually buy a shirt. My flat is an utter disgrace yet i can tune out when i'm there.

pew

I handed in my notice in work yesterday. The job causes stress and anxiety big time for me.

I don't want to leave but I'll only get woorse if I don't.

bridgettedon

pew wrote: »

I handed in my notice in work yesterday. The job causes stress and anxiety big time for me.

I don't want to leave but I'll only get woorse if I don't.

Well done for putting your health first. They do say your health is your wealth and I have to agree with that

pew

bridgettedon wrote: »

Well done for putting your health first. They do say your health is your wealth and I have to agree with that

I am sick and tired of having to go hospital, not sleeping, being anxious all the time. It's time to go, it's not worth it.

Notsomindful

Hey all, dealt with yesterday by sleeping. Don't have a lot of support really. Family too busy with other stuff, an ex who doesnt care. Am going to solicitor to see my entitlement s regarding house. I was willing to waive any share i had in it but not now. He has pushed me too far.

Was out most of day- he wont reply to my texts regarding kids , pure awkward.

Notsomindful

Hey all, dealt with yesterday by sleeping. Don't have a lot of support really. Family too busy with other stuff, an ex who doesnt care. Am going to solicitor to see my entitlement s regarding house. I was willing to waive any share i had in it but not now. He has pushed me too far.

Was out most of day- he wont reply to my texts regarding kids , pure awkward.

Not what I need right now.
I also brouggt cigarettes today after not smoking for a few months

Lady is a tramp

maca123 wrote: »

I don't think there is an alternative. There is a taper but I'm not sure a GP would necessarily agree with that?

I think with benzos most GPs will advise a taper, to be honest they don't know what they're at if they don't! Benzo withdrawals can be very nasty. If possible, try to arrange some time off work while you're tapering ... I know this mightn't be practical though.

Try attending a Lifering meeting too, if there are any in your area - you might meet some people who have been through similar.