Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

forgodssake

I've debated about whether to post here again or not but here goes .... so I've suffered so badly over the years with anxiety that was crippling at times and depression on and off . It was horrific and I honestly thought I'd never see the end of it or I'd never get myself out of it . I spent 15 years in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship that caused the anxiety for definite , the depression I feel is in my genes , I left the relationship 13 months ago and all I can say is I have never been so happy and so grateful for life , for my life . I dont want to come on here and make anyone feel like **** , think what I want to do is say there is hope. There is always hope , there is always change (which used to terrify me ) I've left a ****ty relationship , moved house and changed Careers in the last year . It was horrendously anxiety inducing , but I did it
Lads us and only us can change our life, our circumstances , dont be afraid, honestly if you knew me personally you would have said I would never have done what I done ...but I did. I'm reading lots of self help books .. taking time out for me and just making life my antidepressant , I'm off all meds ..have amazing days and crappy days but the good ones far outweigh the bad ones . You know why ?? Because I'm responsible for my happiness ..just me.. I stopped blaming external factors for everything and decided this is my life it's going to be how I want it. Every decision and reaction I make /have is up to me . Empower yourself , you deserve it , you deserve love and happiness. I felt I had nobody but in reality I had everybody, Please look after yourselves ... just believe in yourself..youve got this far ...As I said it wasnt easy but it can be done .

Peace and love to you all . You are all important to someone ,, be important to yourself aswell xxx

SMC92Ian

forgodssake wrote: »

I've debated about whether to post here again or not but here goes .... so I've suffered so badly over the years with anxiety that was crippling at times and depression on and off . It was horrific and I honestly thought I'd never see the end of it or I'd never get myself out of it . I spent 15 years in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship that caused the anxiety for definite , the depression I feel is in my genes , I left the relationship 13 months ago and all I can say is I have never been so happy and so grateful for life , for my life . I dont want to come on here and make anyone feel like **** , think what I want to do is say there is hope. There is always hope , there is always change (which used to terrify me ) I've left a ****ty relationship , moved house and changed Careers in the last year . It was horrendously anxiety inducing , but I did it
Lads us and only us can change our life, our circumstances , dont be afraid, honestly if you knew me personally you would have said I would never have done what I done ...but I did. I'm reading lots of self help books .. taking time out for me and just making life my antidepressant , I'm off all meds ..have amazing days and crappy days but the good ones far outweigh the bad ones . You know why ?? Because I'm responsible for my happiness ..just me.. I stopped blaming external factors for everything and decided this is my life it's going to be how I want it. Every decision and reaction I make /have is up to me . Empower yourself , you deserve it , you deserve love and happiness. I felt I had nobody but in reality I had everybody, Please look after yourselves ... just believe in yourself..youve got this far ...As I said it wasnt easy but it can be done .

Peace and love to you all . You are all important to someone ,, be important to yourself aswell xxx

That's amazing how it's all worked out for you but you are lucky and one in a million. It is very hard for people to do what you done and most can't even try as they don't have the means to. Congrats on your new life.

statto25

I have fallen out with absolutely everyone today, even those who have been supporting me. I am just at the end now and worst is I'm so upset and I've to pick my little boy now. I just wish I could turn the lights out once and for all on this fcukin life

statto25

statto25 wrote: »

I have fallen out with absolutely everyone today, even those who have been supporting me. I am just at the end now and worst is I'm so upset and I've to pick my little boy now. I just wish I could turn the lights out once and for all on this fcukin life

Don't despair. Today is almost over and tomorrow can only be better.

I know this sounds ****e but it is true. And even if tomorrow is just as ****e, the next day is bound to be better.

If you did/said something wrong to fall out with those close to you, just a quick text to say "Hey, didn't mean that today, can we talk tomorrow?" will put your mind at ease.

If you weren't at fault, it's still good to send a note saying "hey, hated what happened today. Can we talk tomorrow?" at least puts the olive branch out there.

We all need people in our lives. Worst case scenario and you don't want to do any of the above, we are all here for you.

You've got this.

statto25

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Don't despair. Today is almost over and tomorrow can only be better.

I know this sounds ****e but it is true. And even if tomorrow is just as ****e, the next day is bound to be better.

If you did/said something wrong to fall out with those close to you, just a quick text to say "Hey, didn't mean that today, can we talk tomorrow?" will put your mind at ease.

If you weren't at fault, it's still good to send a note saying "hey, hated what happened today. Can we talk tomorrow?" at least puts the olive branch out there.

We all need people in our lives. Worst case scenario and you don't want to do any of the above, we are all here for you.

You've got this.

Thank you for your response, it helped me no end. I collect my boy and we had a good evening. I worry how much I've affected his little life and I love him and care for him so much but I'm told otherwise. Its time for bed. Im beyond wrecked and I've got to entertain this little legend tomorrow. He is my reason for keeping going

Graces7

A day nearer the shortest day …. When my worst drained exhaustion will ease a little. Day by slow by day we all struggle on.. small joys keeping us afloat

One More Toy

Graces7 wrote: »

A day nearer the shortest day …. When my worst drained exhaustion will ease a little. Day by slow by day we all struggle on.. small joys keeping us afloat

Once we hit the shortest day, every day after will be that bit brighter

Facing a mammoth task in the next few weeks I've another exam to tackle. Got great support from you guys last time out and I smashed it so can't thank you all enough!

One More Toy

BohsCeltic wrote: »

Anxious today about going to funeral home.
Also i have been asked to carry the coffin tomorrow too. With my body so sore my Mother said if i can do it, I said yes as that is what my Aunt would want.
Will fight through the pain.

How did it go for you bohs?

Graces7

One More Toy wrote: »

Once we hit the shortest day, every day after will be that bit brighter

Facing a mammoth task in the next few weeks I've another exam to tackle. Got great support from you guys last time out and I smashed it so can't thank you all enough!

Just in time for Christmas!

Good luck with the exam...

BohsCeltic

One More Toy wrote: »

How did it go for you bohs?

An emotional day. But i was able to help carry the coffin at the church and also into the crematorium, My first time ever in one.

Was a daunting experience, watching everyone cry as we all held hands. I was beside my Mother and my cousin squeezing tightly as she went through with the song Grace playing in the background then everyone joined in singing it. One of my favourite songs too and the tears were flowing.

We did have a good laugh later in the hotel when we had a carvery dinner and i got chatting to many of my extended family too. I didn't feel anxious, It's strange that after the bad weather the blue skies opened up for her funeral.

Took my Godson for icecream too. A 15 min walk in shoes but my feet held up.

It was an emotional send off but also a very good one that she would have been proud of.

forgodssake

SMC92Ian wrote: »

That's amazing how it's all worked out for you but you are lucky and one in a million. It is very hard for people to do what you done and most can't even try as they don't have the means to. Congrats on your new life.

Without sounding condescending or disrespectful to your situation or anyone else on here, I think you've missed my point. As I did so many times before with others . It is possible to turn your life around ,for anyone, no matter what situation your in. Everyone needs to just get in to the mindset that you and only you can change your life . You say most people cant and most people dont have the means ...I worked for my means and I worked for my" can." I promise you I'm no different from anyone else on here. You just have to make that decision ...do you want to keep posting here about your negatives ,or do you want to do something , and I mean anything, to change your habits/life , and post something positive ?.
The choice is ours and ours alone . I could still be in the depths of misery and depression but I choose not to . I choose to try everyday to make life a little bit better . And that choice is inside all of us whether we know it or not . It doesnt always go that way but I'm trying . Biggest lessons I've learned is I am responsible for my behaviour, not others , and it's my responsibility to try at least to make my life what I want . I have such empathy and respect for anyone that is in a dark place but believe me ,please do , it can and will get better .
Love and light x

Graces7

forgodssake wrote: »

Without sounding condescending or disrespectful to your situation or anyone else on here, I think you've missed my point. As I did so many times before with others . It is possible to turn your life around ,for anyone, no matter what situation your in. Everyone needs to just get in to the mindset that you and only you can change your life . You say most people cant and most people dont have the means ...I worked for my means and I worked for my" can." I promise you I'm no different from anyone else on here. You just have to make that decision ...do you want to keep posting here about your negatives ,or do you want to do something , and I mean anything, to change your habits/life , and post something positive ?.
The choice is ours and ours alone . I could still be in the depths of misery and depression but I choose not to . I choose to try everyday to make life a little bit better . And that choice is inside all of us whether we know it or not . It doesnt always go that way but I'm trying . Biggest lessons I've learned is I am responsible for my behaviour, not others , and it's my responsibility to try at least to make my life what I want . I have such empathy and respect for anyone that is in a dark place but believe me ,please do , it can and will get better .
Love and light x

Agree totally with this

My turning point came when all so called help deserted me. I had " Nowhere to run to and no one cared for my soul."
No medical help and a lot of hostility there then. No family or social help. A barren place. Nothing.

And now? I made decisions and got the practical help to carry them through on the same terms as everyone else.

Living independently and finding fulfilment in tiny things.

Just now a rice pudding and its skin would fear nothing near me. In a drained dark place. But I know to wait and endure and look after myself. On boards very little now for many reasons but standing by

We speak of " patient endurance achieving everything. " Just because it IS endurance does not mean it is of no use. Quite the opposite. It is in enduring that we grow strong.

forgodssake

Graces7 wrote: »

Agree totally with this

My turning point came when all so called help deserted me. I had " Nowhere to run to and no one cared for my soul."
No medical help and a lot of hostility there then. No family or social help. A barren place. Nothing.

And now? I made decisions and got the practical help to carry them through on the same terms as everyone else.

Living independently and finding fulfilment in tiny things.

Just now a rice pudding and its skin would fear nothing near me. In a drained dark place. But I know to wait and endure and look after myself. On boards very little now for many reasons but standing by

We speak of " patient endurance achieving everything. " Just because it IS endurance does not mean it is of no use. Quite the opposite. It is in enduring that we grow strong.

"It is in enduring that we grow strong " ........wonderful words . Stay strong.

One More Toy

I'm struggling guys and would appreciate any advice

I wake up in the morning sick at the thought of the day and have to take a valium the second I get up

Study isn't going well for me and I'm so stressed

Maybe just venting here will help a little

One More Toy

One More Toy wrote: »

I'm struggling guys and would appreciate any advice

I wake up in the morning sick at the thought of the day and have to take a valium the second I get up

Study isn't going well for me and I'm so stressed

Maybe just venting here will help a little

Only advice I can give chief is keep struggling on.

It will get better.

Perhaps give yourself a little break. set aside 1 hour a day where you force yourself to do something you know you enjoy. It could be a walk, it could be a cinema trip, it could be just sitting down in front of ****ty telly with a bar of chocolate and a cup of tea.

I know for me, it was like my brain didn't want me to enjoy myself and the thoughts of doing something I liked repulsed me. It was as if I was convincing myself I didn't deserve the nice things. I just forced myself to do nice things for myself. It sounds simple but it is hard, but it was effective.

Make yourself smile for a little bit.

With regards the Vallium, try holding off for a half hour before you take one. Then the next day, wait 35 mins. 40 mins the next day...etc

It's like any kind of exercise or rehabilitation. Take it at your own pace, but always try just to do a little bit better than yesterday. And if you don't manage it one day, its no big deal, just try again tomorrow.

We are always here for a vent too

Gremlinertia

Here for your rant anytime, both myself and my partner are struggling a lot recently, today I went with her to an appointment with a community nurse and it was sunny out which brightened us a little along with a pretty good, encouraging appointment too. We'll crash again soon but trying to enjoy these moments.

Skybirdjb

Struggling here a bit recently too , trying to see the good things in life ( which is hard sometimes) we can all rant together

Graces7

forgodssake wrote: »

"It is in enduring that we grow strong " ........wonderful words . Stay strong.

Thanks. Just now with the severity of the winter addon to illness I can barely function. Hanging on here. That is what strength IS. Not being outwardly heroic and succeeding! But treading on regardless. In trust. sleepwalking doggedly forward.

Oh my success this week was knitting a pair of "wristies"; for that dfreadful gap between sleeve and hand! They have made such a difference and happy to knit a pair for anyone!

Graces7

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Here for your rant anytime, both myself and my partner are struggling a lot recently, today I went with her to an appointment with a community nurse and it was sunny out which brightened us a little along with a pretty good, encouraging appointment too. We'll crash again soon but trying to enjoy these moments.

For me today it was the newly opened marigolds near my gate! Perfect, bright smiles in the bitter cold...Picked three to cheer me.

theballz

just found this thread. some really great people here by the looks of it, wish I knew it existed before.

struggling big time myself, maybe sometime I will ellaborate further but for the moment I just want to say good work.

Skybirdjb

theballz wrote: »

just found this thread. some really great people here by the looks of it, wish I knew it existed before.

struggling big time myself, maybe sometime I will ellaborate further but for the moment I just want to say good work.

Hi ! And welcome

theballz

theballz wrote: »

just found this thread. some really great people here by the looks of it, wish I knew it existed before.

struggling big time myself, maybe sometime I will ellaborate further but for the moment I just want to say good work.

Always welcome buddy. Hope you are ok

Gremlinertia

theballz wrote: »

just found this thread. some really great people here by the looks of it, wish I knew it existed before.

struggling big time myself, maybe sometime I will ellaborate further but for the moment I just want to say good work.

More than welcome, we're not a bad bunch

Graces7

Graces7 wrote: »

Thanks. Just now with the severity of the winter addon to illness I can barely function. Hanging on here. That is what strength IS. Not being outwardly heroic and succeeding! But treading on regardless. In trust. sleepwalking doggedly forward.

Oh my success this week was knitting a pair of "wristies"; for that dfreadful gap between sleeve and hand! They have made such a difference and happy to knit a pair for anyone!

They are amazing aren't they? I have about a dozen pairs in all colours and live in them from end of September until the weather warms up in late April/May. I have Raynauds but the coldest part is my wrists not my fingers. They are lifesavers , I wear them on my way to work, during work and also at home.........and I get many compliments on how they look

forgodssake

One More Toy wrote: »

I'm struggling guys and would appreciate any advice

I wake up in the morning sick at the thought of the day and have to take a valium the second I get up

Study isn't going well for me and I'm so stressed

Maybe just venting here will help a little

One foot in front of the other , one day at a time . Dont think of next week, next month or next year . Get through each day and when u lay your head down at night be kind and compassionate to yourself. You have got this far no reason you cant go further . Make small tiny changes to your everyday life , go for a small walk, read a book even if you only manage one page. They are all great feats at a difficult time . X

LoughNeagh2017

I have depersonalisation caused by anxiety, it causes my eye sight to be blurry and to have a constant fog brain like you are watching the world through a fish eye lens. I don't know if if it is a good thing or a bad thing because seeing the world through a non depersonalised state is hardly a good thing either. I once tried to get anxiety meds but the doctor wouldn't give them to me as I have asthma. It is funny when people say "get help", as if things were that simple. There isn't much "help" for men like me who are destined for early grave,. I am 27 now but I only plan to suffer life until 60 at the maximum.

One More Toy

LoughNeagh2017 wrote: »

I have depersonalisation caused by anxiety, it causes my eye sight to be blurry and to have a constant fog brain like you are watching the world through a fish eye lens. I don't know if if it is a good thing or a bad thing because seeing the world through a non depersonalised state is hardly a good thing either. I once tried to get anxiety meds but the doctor wouldn't give them to me as I have asthma. It is funny when people say "get help", as if things were that simple. There isn't much "help" for men like me who are destined for early grave,. I am 27 now but I only plan to suffer life until 60 at the maximum.

Don't say that. I've been there before, are you seeing a psychiatrist? If not that'd be a great place to start. There's cheap counselling available (not affiliated in any way) through my mind.ie

You have an amazing life ahead of you, I'm confident with a little help you will flourish. I'm talking as a 30 year old man who has battled depression for 10 years now and can finally see the light at the end of the tunnell

Don't give up, hang on to hope.

Graces7

Deleted User wrote: »

They are amazing aren't they? I have about a dozen pairs in all colours and live in them from end of September until the weather warms up in late April/May. I have Raynauds but the coldest part is my wrists not my fingers. They are lifesavers , I wear them on my way to work, during work and also at home.........and I get many compliments on how they look

My hands are tolerable with the Raynauds, but it attacks my feet at night with a deep seated nerve pain that only codeine touches. In all the M.E undiagnosed years the lack of blood supply used to alarm the doctors. A REAL auto immune symptom!

I had been using old socks cut in 2 for wrists as I have so much knitting to do! But these are truly a lifesaver now. Took about an hour..

LoughNeagh2017

One More Toy wrote: »

Don't say that. I've been there before, are you seeing a psychiatrist? If not that'd be a great place to start. There's cheap counselling available (not affiliated in any way) through my mind.ie

You have an amazing life ahead of you, I'm confident with a little help you will flourish. I'm talking as a 30 year old man who has battled depression for 10 years now and can finally see the light at the end of the tunnell

Don't give up, hang on to hope.

I don't agree with your mindset regarding hope, we live in a jungle and some creatures were destined for bad experiences and shorter life spans, not everyone was destined to be a successful lion. Good lives are only for the mentally healthy, High IQ, non Autistic humans. No I wouldn't wish to pay for mental treatment, the most I would try is CBT via the NHS, I don't agree with slaving away at work and using your pittance to pay for therapists when it is work that is making your mental health worse in the first place.

mojesius

I've posted in this forum a bit in the past when I've needed to. Mainly suffer with bad anxiety. I've been in a really good place the last few weeks and thought it might be useful to share what's working for me and what isn't:

1. Not drinking alcohol or completely minimising it (glass or two of wine on a Friday, that's it, happy to skip it)

2. Exercise - walking and going back running, giving myself time to do this, challenging with a young child at home but I find a few slots a week and just get outside in the fresh air.

3. Writing out very small lists of tasks for the day ahead and just focusing on that, rather than what I'm NOT doing

4. Being more selfish. Not jumping through hoops for everyone else, rushing around. Saying no in work.

5. Switching doctors in my practice. The one I was attending was pushing me for a long time to stop taking lexapro, making me feel like I HAD to do this. I tried reducing dosage, was like a demon, couldn't sleep. Went to a different doctor who listened to me and I'm back on them. It works for me and that's that.

I know these steps may seem superficial or impractical for many posters here, but hopefully will be helpful for some. I have a very active mind, constant worrier and this has really calmed the last while, which I'm so grateful for.