Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

One More Toy

Graces7 wrote: »

What ! Neighbours dog had an all night barkathon.. and today half the day. I am wrecked and HAVE NO EAR PLUGS...

Sometimes I need to sort myself out; well I found ONE ear plug here.

Hunting for mail order ear plugs. Neighbour will be on a warning. Four fields away but so peaceful noise carries. Praying for a gale tonight..

Intend to follow my own advice soon if this was not just a one-off. Happened once way back and he has a foul nasty temper. Oh and he claimed they could not hear it!

Hope you are doing better than me. lol! Going to try to get some sleep; it has raised pain levels unbearably

Have you an eBay account? I'm sure you can get some cheap ear plugs off there

Graces7

Thankfullly all was quiet last night' caught up on some much needed sleep. LAst week with Brendan then other gales... still half asleep

I think it was just an omission on his part and making a fuss works!

ebay is off limits as they send by courier and we only get An Post on offshore islands, I tried once and the repercussions and refund issues went on for months. Far too exhausting.
Will try an online pharmacy I use..
Who use An Post!

One More Toy wrote: »

Have you an eBay account? I'm sure you can get some cheap ear plugs off there

One More Toy

Graces7 wrote: »

Thankfullly all was quiet last night' caught up on some much needed sleep. LAst week with Brendan then other gales... still half asleep

I think it was just an omission on his part and making a fuss works!

ebay is off limits as they send by courier and we only get An Post on offshore islands, I tried once and the repercussions and refund issues went on for months. Far too exhausting.
Will try an online pharmacy I use..
Who use An Post!

Really? I often find it's royal mail or an post they use - but it could be item specific. What island are you on and what brought you there if you don't mind me asking!

Graces7

They start off with Royal Mail when it is form the UK and promised An Post but they transferred to DPD with whom there was a looong cafuffle as they had no idea it was an island. Has happened again since. The seller was not natice Uk so made a hash of it and I just stopped looking at Ebay and closed my account.

I have firms i deal with who use An Post and am happy with that. Lenehans for hardware etc and Holland and barrett for treats. Now have a pharmacy also . Oh and knitting yarn and sewing needs knitting yarn They all know me and things get here from Dublin early next morning with no hassle. I order enough to get free shipping too!

One More Toy wrote: »

Really? I often find it's royal mail or an post they use - but it could be item specific. What island are you on and what brought you there if you don't mind me asking!

BohsCeltic

Had a nice day yesterday. Went to the National Botanic gardens with my Sister and her family. Had lunch in the packed cafe then we went for a nice long walk in the fresh but cold weather.
Visited my cousins afterwards so enjoyed the day.
Got a registered letter this morning from the bank, put my mood right down. But it's something i will have to deal with, but just stressed me out a bit when i was feeling so good.

Sardonicat

Bad day. Very, very sad and can't distract myself from it. Crying over long lost friends I lost contact with (my fault). This isn't down to winter (not to be dismissive of those of you struggling with SAD). There's obviously something going on with me. I'm tired of this

BohsCeltic

Sardonicat wrote: »

Bad day. Very, very sad and can't distract myself from it. Crying over long lost friends I lost contact with (my fault). This isn't down to winter (not to be dismissive of those of you struggling with SAD). There's obviously something going on with me. I'm tired of this

Have you tried to make contact with them again ?

Sardonicat

BohsCeltic wrote: »

Have you tried to make contact with them again ?

No way of doing so.

BohsCeltic

Sardonicat wrote: »

No way of doing so.

Facebook, Twitter, Instagram ? It's amazing how easily you can find people on the internet.

Sardonicat

BohsCeltic wrote: »

Facebook, Twitter, Instagram ? It's amazing how easily you can find people on the internet.

I don't use those things and I have no wish to do so.

One More Toy

Sardonicat wrote: »

I don't use those things and I have no wish to do so.

I really sympathise with you here, I've lost so many friends, I counted them up and 12 is the number I've got

Graces7

Please do not dismiss the effects of SAD as what you write is so typical of this. It will intensify what happens and cause emotional upheaval. LIght/the quality of light is our life blood.
Of course winter affects us all. In the intensity of feelings . Nothing sinister. You acted unwisely? OK , cope with it. Endure and experience it. It will ease.

Hang on in there; day by day.

Sardonicat wrote: »

Bad day. Very, very sad and can't distract myself from it. Crying over long lost friends I lost contact with (my fault). This isn't down to winter (not to be dismissive of those of you struggling with SAD). There's obviously something going on with me. I'm tired of this

Graces7

Getting the feeling that whatever we suggest you will negate? Let time pass... there are two sided to friendships.

Sardonicat wrote: »

No way of doing so.

Sardonicat

Graces7 wrote: »

Getting the feeling that whatever we suggest you will negate? Let time pass... there are two sided to friendships.

I do appreciate people are being supportive. The guts if my post was not about people I've lost contact with. Two weeks ago I was not feeling any distress over people who I haven't seen for a long time and knew I was unlikely to again. My life has moved on, as has there's. I posted on here to express how I'm feeling at the moment, it being the depression and anxiety thread.

Everything has turned dark. I have no energy or motivation to do anything. It haa developed and is escalating quickly, to the point where I don't think I can manage it on my own. I know I need to see a doctor soon and have already started thinking 'sure, what can they do?'. The rational part of my brain knows that is depression talking but the depressive side is already taking root. I'm not good at the moment. In fact, I'm really struggling. And for some reason I feel a deep shame about that.

Graces7

Knock that in the head NOW! The shame I mean

With me I used to think it was depression but it is the M.E. Can you get a really thorough physical check to make sure there is no underlying illness? There was with me and for 30 years they got it wrong. One dr actually wrote " She has a number of real physical symptoms but we do not know what they mean. " Even eg low blood sugar can drag you down.

A few years a friend in the US told me her father had been diagnosed with agoraphobia and put on meds. He had always loved going out... it rang a bell as the same happened to me. I asked that she get him a very full physical check, It emerged from that that he had mild Parkinsons needing only vitamins

Often we take emotions etc at face value . Often they have physical causes

I am rock bottom here; various reasons. Some of my family are trapped in Newfoundland in the massive snowfall. We are hoping they are safe in their snow buried houses but there are no communications . They got the army in to rescue but the waiting is horrendous . See the photos online . the ME has been bad all week, and I am facing a long term downturn now.

Sounds like you are feeling too! Just hang on hour by hour and day by day Eat, keep warm go for a walk.

DEEP BREATH! All of us!

Sardonicat wrote: »

I do appreciate people are being supportive.

Everything has turned dark. I have no energy or motivation to do anything. It haa developed and is escalating quickly, to the point where I don't think I can manage it on my own. I know I need to see a doctor soon and have already started thinking 'sure, what can they do?'. The rational part of my brain knows that is depression talking but the depressive side is already taking root. I'm not good at the moment. In fact, I'm really struggling. And for some reason I feel a deep shame about that.

Sardonicat

Graces, your kindness is appreciated so much. I hope your loved ones emerge from the snow safe and sound. It's very tough wait for you.

It's definitely depression Graces. I've had this particular black dog as a pet since my teens. Usually it lifts itself after a short visit but sometimes it can really sink his teeth in. Once it got so bad I became delusional and of course I stubbornly refused any medical intervention, as you do when your logical capacity has taken a holiday. Thankfully and miraculously I emerged from that and took my lesson, the next time I got ill I went to the Dr and medication sorted it long before it got to that stage. I've had a few bumps in the road since then but it lifted, due to the fact that I've got good coping mechanisms in place (I. E., switch off the interior negative feedback loop, enjoy the small pleasures in life, being present in the moment). But the speed and ferocity of this time is startling. I had to gently tell my partner this morning and nows he's worried. I feel bad about that. I tried to explain that I'm not suicidal but need him to keep an eye on me. We've agreed 2 weeks and if no improvement go to the doctor. My greatest fear is losing my mind. I think my hormones are a big part of what's going on at the moment (late 40s and peri-menopausal ) as well as my situation (carer, with no support from family despite promises when 'we' agreed to care for Dad at home, so feeling very stuck and like life is passing me by.

Sorry for the negative dumping everyone. I appreciate having this space to share and those of you who responded with suggestions. I hope my posts haven't set anyone off? As Graces said, deep breath and one step at a time. We're all still plugging away aren't we, so we can do it.

Graces7

Please get medical help with the hormones. This is exactly what I was talking about. That will give you the edge .. Please? Body and mind are so closely connected.

Sardonicat wrote: »

Graces, your kindness is appreciated so much. I hope your loved ones emerge from the snow safe and sound. It's very tough wait for you.

It's definitely depression Graces. I've had this particular black dog as a pet since my teens. Usually it lifts itself after a short visit but sometimes it can really sink his teeth in. Once it got so bad I became delusional and of course I stubbornly refused any medical intervention, as you do when your logical capacity has taken a holiday. Thankfully and miraculously I emerged from that and took my lesson, the next time I got ill I went to the Dr and medication sorted it long before it got to that stage. I've had a few bumps in the road since then but it lifted, due to the fact that I've got good coping mechanisms in place (I. E., switch off the interior negative feedback loop, enjoy the small pleasures in life, being present in the moment). But the speed and ferocity of this time is startling. I had to gently tell my partner this morning and nows he's worried. I feel bad about that. I tried to explain that I'm not suicidal but need him to keep an eye on me. We've agreed 2 weeks and if no improvement go to the doctor. My greatest fear is losing my mind. I think my hormones are a big part of what's going on at the moment (late 40s and peri-menopausal ) as well as my situation (carer, with no support from family despite promises when 'we' agreed to care for Dad at home, so feeling very stuck and like life is passing me by.

Sorry for the negative dumping everyone. I appreciate having this space to share and those of you who responded with suggestions. I hope my posts haven't set anyone off? As Graces said, deep breath and one step at a time. We're all still plugging away aren't we, so we can do it.

Sardonicat

I've tried to get help with that but it's a non runner. I cannot have HRT due to another medical problem I have. Besides, HRT would not be prescribed until menopause had started, but that's moot in my case anyway. It's already been made very clear to me I won't be getting it as it puts me at risk of stroke. I can't take the pill for the same reason.

Skybirdjb

Sardonicat wrote: »

Graces, your kindness is appreciated so much. I hope your loved ones emerge from the snow safe and sound. It's very tough wait for you.

It's definitely depression Graces. I've had this particular black dog as a pet since my teens. Usually it lifts itself after a short visit but sometimes it can really sink his teeth in. Once it got so bad I became delusional and of course I stubbornly refused any medical intervention, as you do when your logical capacity has taken a holiday. Thankfully and miraculously I emerged from that and took my lesson, the next time I got ill I went to the Dr and medication sorted it long before it got to that stage. I've had a few bumps in the road since then but it lifted, due to the fact that I've got good coping mechanisms in place (I. E., switch off the interior negative feedback loop, enjoy the small pleasures in life, being present in the moment). But the speed and ferocity of this time is startling. I had to gently tell my partner this morning and nows he's worried. I feel bad about that. I tried to explain that I'm not suicidal but need him to keep an eye on me. We've agreed 2 weeks and if no improvement go to the doctor. My greatest fear is losing my mind. I think my hormones are a big part of what's going on at the moment (late 40s and peri-menopausal ) as well as my situation (carer, with no support from family despite promises when 'we' agreed to care for Dad at home, so feeling very stuck and like life is passing me by.

Sorry for the negative dumping everyone. I appreciate having this space to share and those of you who responded with suggestions. I hope my posts haven't set anyone off? As Graces said, deep breath and one step at a time. We're all still plugging away aren't we, so we can do it.

Don’t ever feel shame please ! Your a brave person and are strong and you will beat this ......
We are all here for you and we all come here to rant and to get stuff off our chest.
So sorry your feeling like this please do go to your gp it’s the best step
Again you are a strong person who will beat this !!

Sardonicat

Skybirdjb wrote: »

Don’t ever feel shame please ! Your a brave person and are strong and you will beat this ......
We are all here for you and we all come here to rant and to get stuff off our chest.
So sorry your feeling like this please do go to your gp it’s the best step
Again you are a strong person who will beat this !!

Thank you for your kind words.

I have decided to give myself a bit of a pamper. A really good grooming session, exfoliation, moisturising, hair mask etc. and cook myself something tasty and healthy later. A bit of enjoyable self care and make the effort to to actively enjoy the sensations, aromas and flavours. Its something proactive and i wont feel so helpless in the face if this.

Hope everyone gets the opportunity to do something nice for themselves today.

One More Toy

**** I'm struggling. Back to work soon and an exam in March. Every time I sit down to study I get anxious and my brain tells me im no good, too stupid for this

BohsCeltic

@Sardonicat
Please don't be ashamed because it is nothing to be ashamed off, just remember it's ok not to be ok.
I am quite open about myself, my friends and family all know so now have a better understanding. It is quite easy for some people to say oh just get over it, you're just being lazy e.t.c.
With being open many people have came to talk to me who were too ashamed to let anyone know. Now they are getting the right treatment.
I like being able to talk on here and also my football teams forum. Many people get to learn more and can be so supportive too.

I am glad you have agreed to go to see your GP. Just be open about everything, maybe even write down your thoughts and feelings before you go because i know it can be stressfull and you might forget to say something.

Best of luck and stay strong.

BohsCeltic

One More Toy wrote: »

**** I'm struggling. Back to work soon and an exam in March. Every time I sit down to study I get anxious and my brain tells me im no good, too stupid for this

That is two stressfull things coming up in a short space of time, that would make me anxious too.
You come accross as an intelligent person. I felt similar before, watching quiz shows and thinking i am stupid because my brain couldn't process anything, it was like it just went blank.

I had been learning Thai and also sign language as i have much time on my hands and at first i was stumped but i kept at it and have improved greatly and i am enjoying it. It's nothing to do to help my career or anything but i done it for personal reasons and i am really enjoying it now.

Keep at it mate, you will get there.

jaxxx

I've had an epiphany. I am, what one would call: a loser.

Do I care? Nope! Why? Humanity is alien to me. The greed, the narcissism, the instinctive self-deific elitism over everything else in the natural world. The insanity of pure abandonment of reason and logic. The global acceptance of the ridiculous.

In the illusion of human superiority over all else: I am a loser.

In actual reality: I am one of the few last remaining members of the species Homo sapien, that is actually still sane.

And for this, I am grateful.

Graces7

The dog acted up again for hours last night. DRATTED MAN.

Could not get back to sleep and getting more and more beaten down by it

Sent for ear plugs etc.. Then the post came and a kind boardsie had sent me some. Hoping to sleep through tonight near breaking physically. Just unspeakable.

Also managed to sort a bank issue that has been plaguing me and holding a payment up.

My newest rescue cat,,, He was starved and neglected ( by the owner of the dog) and has always bolted his food as if he would never see food again, Lo! He has left some now and is getting picky! And let me stroke his head for the first time.. these seemingly small things are hard currency

And look at this one! How laid back can you get!

Tell me how

Graces7 wrote: »

And look at this one! How laid back can you get!

Given the nature of this thread, it is a relevant topic. I often looked at my parents cat sleeping and particularly when they were settling down for a long nap and was envious at just how content they seemed and how focused they were in being comfortable.

We spend so much of our time bothered or stressed, to watch a cat or dog being solely focused on relaxation can make you envious of them.

BohsCeltic

Tell me how wrote: »

Given the nature of this thread, it is a relevant topic. I often looked at my parents cat sleeping and particularly when they were settling down for a long nap and was envious at just how content they seemed and how focused they were in being comfortable.

We spend so much of our time bothered or stressed, to watch a cat or dog being solely focused on relaxation can make you envious of them.

Yes it can make you envious of them, same as when i see other people able to just go to be and have a good sleep. Last night i couldn't really sleep good, not sure why.
It must have been 5am. I got up at 11am and had breakfast so hoping i will be tired enough later to sleep at a normal time.

One More Toy

BohsCeltic wrote: »

Yes it can make you envious of them, same as when i see other people able to just go to be and have a good sleep. Last night i couldn't really sleep good, not sure why.
It must have been 5am. I got up at 11am and had breakfast so hoping i will be tired enough later to sleep at a normal time.

Did you ever try camomile tea? It's powerful stuff!

BohsCeltic

One More Toy wrote: »

Did you ever try camomile tea? It's powerful stuff!

Not yet but i might give it a try. I've been using sleep apps like wind and rain and they help, just last night i didn't feel tired at all for some reason.
Will need to start exercising a lot better too as i know that will help a lot.

One More Toy

BohsCeltic wrote: »

Not yet but i might give it a try. I've been using sleep apps like wind and rain and they help, just last night i didn't feel tired at all for some reason.
Will need to start exercising a lot better too as i know that will help a lot.

Do try it, Tesco own brand is the right job!