Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

Gremlinertia

Sardonicat wrote: »

I know this isnt really thread specific, so apologies. Does anyone else struggle with PTSD? Particularly the more subtle, insidious effects that don't reveal themselves to you til you feel the consequences? I truly believe that's what's at the bottom of my latest bout of low mood and lack motivation.

I have bpd and am currently exploring an old trauma i had forgotten/buried and the psychologist has indeed been finding a pattern relating to associations i make unconsciously and depressive or manic episodes

Sardonicat

Gremlinertia wrote: »

I have bpd and am currently exploring an old trauma i had forgotten/buried and the psychologist has indeed been finding a pattern relating to associations i make unconsciously and depressive or manic episodes

Thank you. I've only recently realised that one of the effects of trauma for me was to cause me to shut off certain feelings and reactions as a way of keeping me 'safe'. Not necessarily bad emotions either, but powerful ones. Only for them to come erupting to the surface years later when all context is long gone and having to try and process them. But even then, the break comes on and almost as soon as I reach the point of truly experiencing the feeling I need to deal with it I shut down.

I've been laid really low, lately. While not as down as I was I'm still effectively 'out', dragging myself round in circles. I'm not sure how to get out of it.

I hope your therapy is cathartic for you and you gain insight and healing. I imagine it's quite a painful process?

Gremlinertia

Sardonicat wrote: »

Thank you. I've only recently realised that one of the effects of trauma for me was to cause me to shut off certain feelings and reactions as a way of keeping me 'safe'. Not necessarily bad emotions either, but powerful ones. Only for them to come erupting to the surface years later when all context is long gone and having to try and process them. But even then, the break comes on and almost as soon as I reach the point of truly experiencing the feeling I need to deal with it I shut down.

I've been laid really low, lately. While not as down as I was I'm still effectively 'out', dragging myself round in circles. I'm not sure how to get out of it.

I hope your therapy is cathartic for you and you gain insight and healing. I imagine it's quite a painful process?

I am very much a work in progress i've done the very same with emotions and feelings too. For years i was one of the most angry you would meet, constantly simmering away about anything and everything.. It was much more useful than the anxiety i found out it was replacing. Figured out the anxiety thing with a therapist and DBT course combined, properly eye opening but i was still in a lot of trouble.

Finally last year i got talk therapy with a psychologist (many years wait) and it's been incredibly tough. Almost always end up numb for a while after a session, usually stress all my muscles and ache for a day or so and lots of thinking, not good or bad but digesting things i'm realising and getting ever closer to feeling my way through.

Have no idea if i explained that well but feel free to ask me anything you like..

SMC92Ian

Has anyone gone a therapist and refused to talk about certain things? Or had something you will never wanna address due to trying to pretend they don't exist? I want to potentionally try it but there is certain things I'm in denial about and would wanna keep it that way.

Gremlinertia

SMC92Ian wrote: »

Has anyone gone a therapist and refused to talk about certain things? Or had something you will never wanna address due to trying to pretend they don't exist? I want to potentionally try it but there is certain things I'm in denial about and would wanna keep it that way.

Yes, totally, the therapists and psychologist ive had decent relationships with all knew that i couldn't go to a certain place. That if they pushed i'd stonewall, none of them had a problem with it, loads of other stuff to work on for now

Wanderer78

Gremlinertia wrote: »

I have bpd and am currently exploring an old trauma i had forgotten/buried and the psychologist has indeed been finding a pattern relating to associations i make unconsciously and depressive or manic episodes

Bpd looks so painful to deal with, I feel for you

dartboardio

Not sure what's wrong with me.. I constantly dread getting older (I'm only 21) and visualize/fantasise about previous years, family scenarios, happier occasions, when I didn't think as much into things or my emotions.

Is this normal? To be so worried and so frightened of moving on and growing up?

I constantly feel estranged and isolated from family members despite seeing them on a regular occasion, often obsessing over growing away from them.

Constantly thinking 'remember when I was happier when....'

Or 'remember when I didn't think as much as I do now...)

Its like I can't enjoy anything or genuinely be excited for anything. Constantly over analysing and wanting to go back in time and feeling distant from people..

I dont talk about it to anyone.. I feel like I have extreme anxiety. To the point where I freeze and cannot talk with people, itcomes on randomly. Sometimes I'm outgoing and friendly, other times I'm terrified of conversation and communication.

Went to see my granny and grandad the other day whom I know and love and have spent many years of my life with, but yet froze when we were talking and my mind went 100 miles ph.

It really bothers me because I can't express my love or wanting to talk to the people in my life...

didntgotoplan

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling that way dartboardio. I can relate to you remembering better younger times. In my early 20s, I lost my way as I always had a plan up until I finished college and not knowing what I wanted from my future, I began getting worried about change and tried to focus on the past too much.

RabbleRouser2k

dartboardio wrote: »

Not sure what's wrong with me.. I constantly dread getting older (I'm only 21) and visualize/fantasise about previous years, family scenarios, happier occasions, when I didn't think as much into things or my emotions.

Is this normal? To be so worried and so frightened of moving on and growing up?

I constantly feel estranged and isolated from family members despite seeing them on a regular occasion, often obsessing over growing away from them.

Constantly thinking 'remember when I was happier when....'

Or 'remember when I didn't think as much as I do now...)

Its like I can't enjoy anything or genuinely be excited for anything. Constantly over analysing and wanting to go back in time and feeling distant from people..

I dont talk about it to anyone.. I feel like I have extreme anxiety. To the point where I freeze and cannot talk with people, itcomes on randomly. Sometimes I'm outgoing and friendly, other times I'm terrified of conversation and communication.

Went to see my granny and grandad the other day whom I know and love and have spent many years of my life with, but yet froze when we were talking and my mind went 100 miles ph.

It really bothers me because I can't express my love or wanting to talk to the people in my life...

Constantly-the fear of not accomplishing goals, life, etc etc.
The fear of death is pretty constant, in some respects. Not the 'It's going to be all over' but rather 'I won't get to do all I'd love to do'.

Pretty much nothing has gone to plan, either. I've lead a different life compared to friends and family (nothing drastic, just different).

Lost a lot of friends and family early in my life, and then realised I won't get to live and enjoy the same things as others do.
I realised pretty early in my life that I wouldn't get the 'happily married, with children' thing. Love is something I abandoned pretty early on.

I sank into deep depressions when I lost people, friends, and pets close to me. Realising they're gone, and I'd never see them again.

The growing up thing is something that, well... I don't believe we really do grow up. I know this sounds arcane, in some respects.
But I think the most successful people hold onto that 'inner child'. Because if you don't, you lose a great chunk of yourself.
You just, sort of, put on another 'mask' and pretend to be grown up.

Wanderer78

I'm running out of words to describe my pain

Sardonicat

Wanderer78 wrote: »

I'm running out of words to describe my pain

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad, Wanderer.

Wanderer78

Weekends aren't getting easier

Gremlinertia

I'm so sorry Wanderer, it's awful.

Wanderer78

Starting the day crying, that can't be good

Skybirdjb

Wanderer78 wrote: »

Starting the day crying, that can't be good

Ah no wanderer that’s so hard for you sending you virtual hugs

kalkat2002

dartboardio wrote: »

Not sure what's wrong with me.. I constantly dread getting older (I'm only 21) and visualize/fantasise about previous years, family scenarios, happier occasions, when I didn't think as much into things or my emotions.

Is this normal? To be so worried and so frightened of moving on and growing up?

I constantly feel estranged and isolated from family members despite seeing them on a regular occasion, often obsessing over growing away from them.

Constantly thinking 'remember when I was happier when....'

Or 'remember when I didn't think as much as I do now...)

Its like I can't enjoy anything or genuinely be excited for anything. Constantly over analysing and wanting to go back in time and feeling distant from people..

I dont talk about it to anyone.. I feel like I have extreme anxiety. To the point where I freeze and cannot talk with people, itcomes on randomly. Sometimes I'm outgoing and friendly, other times I'm terrified of conversation and communication.

Went to see my granny and grandad the other day whom I know and love and have spent many years of my life with, but yet froze when we were talking and my mind went 100 miles ph.

It really bothers me because I can't express my love or wanting to talk to the people in my life...

Looks like social anxiety to me
Maybe your personality shy,insecure,..helps it but if you see it is damaging your daily life try to stop the circle
Try exercise daily to rise your mood and reset your mind
When you feel better try to register behaviour you think are negative and try to find alternatives
A lot of good books out there to see you are not alone & understand it better

RabbleRouser2k

Went to bed around 2.30pm, maybe 3pm Sunday, and woke up today at about 1pm.

Was absolutely drained and tired. Late saturday, early sunday, I found myself really tired and had pains in my neck and shoulders, mild headache too.
Had a busy week last week, and I think it got on top of me.

Drinking lots of coffee to keep myself awake.

SMC92Ian

Need to avoid anything got to do with this virus, doing me head in.

Gremlinertia

I'm going between wild anxiety about it and covid fatigue already, has my head done in..

Wanderer78

Gremlinertia wrote: »

I'm going between wild anxiety about it and covid fatigue already, has my head done in..

im just ignoring it, yes a pandemic is a problem, but it will pass, and no, the planet wont collapse because of this

BohsCeltic

Wanderer78 wrote: »

im just ignoring it, yes a pandemic is a problem, but it will pass, and no, the planet wont collapse because of this

My mindset is that i have fought everything life has thrown at me so far. And i can fight again if needs be.

RabbleRouser2k

BohsCeltic wrote: »

My mindset is that i have fought everything life has thrown at me so far. And i can fight again if needs be.

Latest news of a 103 year old grandmother, in China, beating the virus shows me how much the media is making a mountain out of a molehill.

For anyone with an underlying condition, even a mild headcold can prove fatal. That's why this whole media coverage is ticking me off.

Tho I will say my OCD handwashing has never been a blessing until now.
(Gotta find humour somewhere)

SMC92Ian

RabbleRouser2k wrote: »

Latest news of a 103 year old grandmother, in China, beating the virus shows me how much the media is making a mountain out of a molehill.

For anyone with an underlying condition, even a mild headcold can prove fatal. That's why this whole media coverage is ticking me off.

Tho I will say my OCD handwashing has never been a blessing until now.
(Gotta find humour somewhere)

What's annoying me is it doesn't seem to matter how hard I try to avoid getting it everyone else doesn't care so they'll give it to me. Not washing their hands, going on trips to Italy and France like it's nothing.

Skybirdjb

My anxiety is so bad too . This virus is just setting it off . So hard to take the medication I need as my brain is telling me not to As they affect the immune system so I’m at higher risk then . God if only we could look into the future and see what way it’s going to go

Wanderer78

Gremlinertia wrote:

I'm going between wild anxiety about it and covid fatigue already, has my head done in..

Apologies, I've just realised I invalidated your fears

Graces7

Skybirdjb wrote: »

My anxiety is so bad too . This virus is just setting it off . So hard to take the medication I need as my brain is telling me not to As they affect the immune system so I’m at higher risk then . God if only we could look into the future and see what way it’s going to go

Take the meds you need, please? And stand back from the situation as much as you can and in every way you can.

I am very blessed as the current situation has no effect on my life. I am permanently in what they call " self isolation" and in a very remote place.. and totally safe and all this is routine.

But for you out there it is unfamiliar and scary.. you HAVE to take all care of YOU. Self isolate, keep as gently busy as you can with small positive things.

Eat sensibly and fully. food is fuel . anxiety drains energy

And take your meds! PLEASE! Take sensible precautions. Go for a walk where there are as few folk as possible, and wear a mask then, or even a scarf,

and know you are cared about here. Very much!

Offline a while now; pain levels are high so am taking my own advice, food, meds and sleep.

Blessings and peace

jaxxx

You guys 'n' gals need some Vitamin S.. .. .. Vitamin Stoffle!

Yes I've posted it before, but I've watched it a million times and it still brings a smile to my face!

BohsCeltic

This one get's me all the time

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3sZiIkc87K4

Seamai

jaxxx wrote: »

You guys 'n' gals need some Vitamin S.. .. .. Vitamin Stoffle!

Yes I've posted it before, but I've watched it a million times and it still brings a smile to my face!

I saw that programme about 6 weeks ago, amazing, smiling again watching it now.

RabbleRouser2k

Seems Saturday is becoming my 'God-I can't even' day.

Between getting the groceries, and working thru Friday, until 3pm Saturday (had a nap inbetween too, but only a couple of hours). Then fell asleep. Woke up at 3pm Sunday.

From Wednesday on, my week went from 'semi-regular pace' to 'Prepare for hell'. Planned meetings that kept me rushed off my feet (to get ready for em) that we then cancelled like 30 minutes before.
Then another work meeting cancelled for next week because of Covid.
All of these I have to build myself up for.

It messed up my schedule big time, and just drained me.