Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

trixychic

Hi guys. Again sorry it's been a while since I was on. We have been very busy.

But I've gotten into a funk lately. So many things on my mind!!! It's scary how it all just jumps ontop of you all at once from nowhere.

Looks like unless we can get a mortgage next yr, this house-the one place I have that feels secure and safe, after moving 13 times between birth and 7yr old, in the first place I've ever settled into a community and feel happy and in control of my issues-this house will be sold. It's scary to think of anywhere else as home. I've only ever had one other home. My grandparents... which is not there for long.

And then there is my children. My eldest has gone through private assessments to see if he has asd, we know he has mild sensory issues and now my youngest looks like he may have stronger sensory disorders. And maybe adhd. And who's passing these things on?? ME.
Problem is I would love to have another baby. Next yr. But how can I bring another life into this world when we still don't have a stable accomodation, and knowing that it will probably have difficulties because of my genes too!!! Really struggling with this. I always wanted more kids but I don't know if I can do it.

trixychic

anoymous33 wrote: »

Hello im diagnosed with gad/panic d with depression,,my question is regards medication,,what can u do regards convincing your healthcare provider to give u the proper meds,,I mean besides gps would there be any body else that could speak with my gp,,or is there any services out there,,thanks in advance

It's strange that they havent already prescribed you with something although some doc's are just PITA's (Pain In The Ass). Maybe ask them to refer you to the local psychological services. Bypass the gp and go straight to the experts??

trixychic

alaskayoung wrote: »

I've finished my first week in my new job and already am tempted to do a runner. There's nothing wrong with it, the work is interesting, the people are welcoming, the pay is good, only that emotionally I'm just not sure I can handle a 40hr working week. What does that say about me?

Oh my God I meet your other half. I've never worked a job for more than a couple of yrs... and that was part time. I have been in jobs I love, decent enough pay, no issues with it... But I will find issues and leave. I don't know why. It's scary and feels awful but I don't know how to stop it.

I'm terrified I wont ever be able to hold down a solid job. I don't have any ans's or solutions but just know your not the only one. Hope that helps.

anoymous33

trixychic wrote: »

It's strange that they havent already prescribed you with something although some doc's are just PITA's (Pain In The Ass). Maybe ask them to refer you to the local psychological services. Bypass the gp and go straight to the experts??

Thanks trixychic,,well my gp wont go against my psychiatrist,,is there a certain way to ask for meds u need

Tell me how

trixychic wrote:

Bypass the gp and go straight to the experts??

anoymous33 wrote:

Thanks trixychic,,well my gp wont go against my psychiatrist,,is there a certain way to ask for meds u need

Can I stick a word of caution in here?

GP's and Psychiatrists are the ones medically qualified to recommend and prescribe medications.
If you feel they are not prescribing the correct ones, do you have somebody better qualified who is telling you this and what you do need?

I think trust in the professional is essential or else, why go to them?

I hope you get the care you need anon but I hope it's done in the right way.

trixychic

Tell me how wrote: »

Can I stick a word of caution in here?

GP's and Psychiatrists are the ones medically qualified to recommend and prescribe medications.
If you feel they are not prescribing the correct ones, do you have somebody better qualified who is telling you this and what you do need?

I think trust in the professional is essential or else, why go to them?

I hope you get the care you need anon but I hope it's done in the right way.

Absolutely a word of caution but I've had 2 gp's tell me there was "nothing wrong with" me and I just had to "get a grip". The same way when I was pregnant I had a gp tell me that sex during the pregnancy could "seriously harm the baby" and another one tell me that the Irish women are idiots because we "can't remember to take the pill" (I had asked to have the bar put in because after my first baby I was terrified id forget a pill and get prey straight away)

Some Gp's can be a*sholes and idiots. If you are already seeing psychs though maybe they don't see an immediate need for meds?? Have you spoken to them about meds?

anoymous33

I just feel they dont understand crippling anxiety tbh,,or maybe they do,,but probably have strict policies regards prescribing,,,all I know is I always feel worse leaving my appointment s

anoymous33

I just feel they dont understand crippling anxiety tbh,,or maybe they do,,but probably have strict policies regards prescribing,,,all I know is I always feel worse leaving my appointment s

Whizzzy

I've posted here before, but I've never mentioned Epilim and libido or sex drive. I'd like some reaction from anyone with similar experiences, please. A quick Google indicates that that there has been loads of discussion elsewhere about this topic. In truth, I confused and a little terrified, if that isn't too strong a word.

I take 2 x 500mg Epilim daily for epilepsy. I’m 56. I developed epilepsy just over 30 years ago after a severe bout of shingles on my head. For the first couple of years I was on no medication. Then I started on 200mg per day – though my neurologist told me that my epilepsy was relatively benign. I then moved up to 500mg daily about 15 years ago and 2 x 500mg 8 years ago. My issues with it now appear to be twofold:

1. Since I moved up to 2 x 500mg, I appear to be having these occasional Bi-Polar ll type episodes where I’m feeling great, then it all ends with a bang. The depression side of these episodes usually starts with a slight absence (petit-mal). I then feel crap for a few days and look like death. Eventually it wears off and I return to normal. When I was on lower dosages of Epilim, I used to have the occasional grand-mal, but they were immensely cathartic. Headache aside, I felt that they cleared my head.

2. The more worrying aspect of things since I moved up to 2 x 500mg is its affect on my sex drive. Its gotten so bad that I’m questioning my sexuality. “Am I gay?” Yet, I walk down the street and what am I looking at? Beautiful women. But, I feel nothing. I have found in the last few years that I have had to resort to porn to stimulate interest.

In the last month, we’ve have great sex on, maybe, half-a-dozen occasions.

But, I am almost apprehensive about the way I feel I have to work my way up to it (if you’ll pardon the pun! )

I adore my wife. She’s an extraordinary woman. I couldn't live without her.

I’ve probably gone on too long, but I just felt I had to let it all out.

This is a great forum. Thank you.

W.

trixychic

anoymous33 wrote: »

I just feel they dont understand crippling anxiety tbh,,or maybe they do,,but probably have strict policies regards prescribing,,,all I know is I always feel worse leaving my appointment s

Maybe try talking to them about this??? Tell them how it makes you feel.

Unfortunately I don't know of any other way to get meds that would be safe. Sorry.

trixychic

Whizzzy I am sorry to hear your struggles. Unfortunately I don't have any experience in your area but I know I had meds before that had effected my libido. I spoke to my gp and we were able to work around it. Hope you get sorted. X

Shint0

I don't necessarily agree if a GP or psychiatrist refuses medication that is the correct course of action. I have experienced huge divergent opinions among various mental health professionals around various different diagnoses and treatment methods for the same symptoms and diagnoses.

Sometimes they can and do get it wrong, they don't always agree with each other and sometimes they lack expertise in areas which they claim to have to a degree which is shocking. I just feel that point needs to me made. If anyone feels they aren't receiving treatment they need then seek further opinions.

Tell me how

Shint0 wrote:

If anyone feels they aren't receiving treatment they need then seek further opinions.

Absolutely. But further opinions should still be medically trained.

I've heard from professionals before that not all patients can communicate exactly their experience with a particular medication and so it can take much longer to determine if it's the right option and in the right dosage amount.

Shint0

Tell me how wrote: »

Absolutely. But further opinions should still be medically trained.

I've heard from professionals before that not all patients can communicate exactly their experience with a particular medication and so it can take much longer to determine if it's the right option and in the right dosage amount.

Yes, I was referring to differences among actual medical trained professionals. Huge differences which can sometimes lead to inaccurate or misdiagnosis with wrong treatments prescibed or in some cases no treatment prescribed. Psychiatry is such a grey area because a lot of times symptoms of various conditions can overlap or be identical and it's not as simple as perfoming a blood test, for example, which might definitively confirm a particular condition.

Regardless, it can sometimes be difficult to seek a second opinion if it's the same GP who needs to make a referral but I would still urge anybody to at least try if they are not getting relief. It might come down to having to switch GPs or seek out a consultant psychologist who doesn't require a referral but can still refer to a psychiatrist. There are ways around it if needs be.

Gremlinertia

Agreed, never be scared of second third or even fourth opinions if you feel you are not heard. I've mentioned it previously many times here but I'll say again, it's a really good idea to bring a list, keep a journal or diary of things, note feelings moods at the same time everyday and also note any extremes that may occur during the day etc. Personally I've always gotten quite anxious when i get in front of any medical professional, and I've met a few. It helps if i give them the list or refer to points on it..

Notsomindful

Trixychic, i feel your pain in regards to your sons diagnosis.
We had our first assessment with early intervention today for our eldest.
A load of questions then my partner brings up my separation from kids due to mental health issues and wondering if he needed psychological help.


Feel guilty as i feel i caused his issues.
I asked him straight out if he blamed me, he said well of course it would affect him.

When I opened up to him about this , it was classed as selfish as everything said was for his benefit.
I get this but it still affects me. He just gave out to me for being selfish.

Not helping as i am off some meds(under psych observation) and on steroids for a dodgy chest, and no counselling for 4 weeks... Fml.
I know how this can spiral

trixychic

Notsomindful wrote: »

Trixychic, i feel your pain in regards to your sons diagnosis.
We had our first assessment with early intervention today for our eldest.
A load of questions then my partner brings up my separation from kids due to mental health issues and wondering if he needed psychological help.


Feel guilty as i feel i caused his issues.
I asked him straight out if he blamed me, he said well of course it would affect him.

When I opened up to him about this , it was classed as selfish as everything said was for his benefit.
I get this but it still affects me. He just gave out to me for being selfish.

Not helping as i am off some meds(under psych observation) and on steroids for a dodgy chest, and no counselling for 4 weeks... Fml.
I know how this can spiral

Oh my God. Im so sorry about that. Is that normal of your partner?? Blaming your mental issues??

I was told recently that everybody- EVERYBODY- is on the asd spectrum... some are just further up than others. Kind of helped a bit.

I know my eldest has some form of anxiety mostly from watching me. And normally I am so careful about passing things on. For example I've a major fear of spiders. But I have both my boys picking up and holding monsters. I just stand behind them (skin crawling with an urge to run) and calmly and excitedly point out how cool and cute they are. Kills me but I do it.

I just wish I could hide the anxiety from them too.

BaaLamb

Can I dive in and join you all please? Mum of three with OCD, GAD and recurrent depressive disorder. On meds, have had the worst year ever as I have been off work sick with it which has never happened to me before. Just been made redundant and OH contract runs out at same time. Desperately trying to get another job but I work in a pretty specialised area so trying to diversify with little success. OH also unsuccessful to date despite sending out 100's of applications. We're both well educated and experienced but apparently not in the right areas. My anxiety is out of control due to the stress, I've never been out of work and I'm terrified we'll lose our home if I don't get something straight away. I hide in my bed when I'm not working, I'm constantly in tears and the kids see me like this all the time which really upsets me. I'm a lot better than I was earlier in the year but the stress of the job situation is really testing any strength I have to fight off the depression and suicidal thoughts. I feel lonely even though I have a fantastic family and a some really good supportive friends. I'm just so afraid all the time.

Gremlinertia

Hi there BaaLamb, welcome to the thread, what a time you are having. This thread will hopefully be helpful at least for rants and vents to start with.. First thing, try not to pile things on yourself, i understand you were explaining your situation in your opening post but try not to get snowed under. One thing at a time.. Perhaps you and your OH could work on his job applications for now?

BaaLamb

Thanks and sorry for the long winded rant. I'm just tired and really scared.

Tell me how

BaaLamb wrote:

Thanks and sorry for the long winded rant. I'm just tired and really scared.

Hi and welcome BaaLamb.
It really is a tough time for you.
It sounds like you're trying to do everything you can so keep going.
You knock on enough doors eventually one will open.
Try not to take on too much. It's easier said than done but try not to worry about things you can't directly control.
Looking after yourself is number 1 priority.
I know it doesn't feel like it but the wheel is always turning.

Shint0

Apologies, as that request for particpants post seems to have been removed my last post will make no sense.

Gremlinertia

Shint0 wrote: »

Apologies, as that request for particpants post seems to have been removed my last post will make no sense.

Surveys/questionnaires are not allowed as per charter, hence some post deletion

trixychic

BaaLamb wrote: »

Thanks and sorry for the long winded rant. I'm just tired and really scared.

That really wasn'tvery long winded at all don't worry. You should see some of mine.

Sorry to hear of your troubles. I have no major advice. But I am sending plenty of cuddles your way. Your not alone with the anxieties. And at least yours are valid in the real world.

I still freak out about catastrophes that are completely non relevent to.life right now.

So yea. Welcome to the mad bunch.

ivytwine

ivytwine wrote: »

Hi guys I'm just looking to have a little vent. Get anxious at the best of times but the last few months I've self sabotaged and procrastinated and feel really rotten about myself.

It was improving and I've started seeing someone but he's got issues too. He's pushing me away and it hurts. I can't turn to him because he has enough on his plate but I don't know if I'm strong enough to be the support he needs. I feel really emotional at the moment and anxious, he feels really disconnected.

I wrecked my dinner this evening and I started crying. Feel really crap.

So we broke up because he says he can't date at the moment. I think he is feeling so crap he can't imagine anyone falling for him. He is getting help tho. I don't want to cut him out of my life (we were friendly before) but I'm afraid of getting hurt. So I'm not sure if I'll check in with him from time to time, or if he'll want to hear from me. Sigh. Bit of a rubbish situation.

I signed up for a group Aware course in September. Has anyone found these any use?

I've definitely been worse than this and it seems to be lessening as i get older, but I don't like how I've been feeling lately. Seem to be slipping back.

Gremlinertia

Hey Ivy, take this time to get through the rough patch you've hit. Maybe you two will have something in the future, what's for you won't pass you and all that Well done on recognising where you are emotionally with yourself, self awareness takes such a long time.. As for the Aware thing i haven't personally had any experience with them but i recall others here being generally positive.. Be nice to yourself in the meantime, take care..

ivytwine

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Hey Ivy, take this time to get through the rough patch you've hit. Maybe you two will have something in the future, what's for you won't pass you and all that Well done on recognising where you are emotionally with yourself, self awareness takes such a long time.. As for the Aware thing i haven't personally had any experience with them but i recall others here being generally positive.. Be nice to yourself in the meantime, take care..

Thank you for such a lovely post. I'm taking a week off work and I'm going to only use my work phone for Pokemon Go it's been another big stress in my life lately so I probably need a week out of Dublin.

I've done lots of work on myself and I'm well aware there are posters far worse off than me. I'm not as badly off as my friend is for example. But I think the Aware course might just be enough to get back on track.

Yeah he was right to break it off, but there is no reason for us to close off communication and be there for each other as friends.

Gremlinertia

How are you today? Been a stressful week here, hoping i don't get a crash later on

BaaLamb

To be honest I feel like crap. I feel hopeless and filled with anxiety and despair. This year has been the hardest I can remember and my god some of the years during the recession were tough. I don't know if I am able to keep going.

failinis

Just stressed about blood tests and "life" - hopefully I can have one day of being relaxed soon.

Gremlinertia

BaaLamb wrote: »

To be honest I feel like crap. I feel hopeless and filled with anxiety and despair. This year has been the hardest I can remember and my god some of the years during the recession were tough. I don't know if I am able to keep going.

failinis wrote: »

Just stressed about blood tests and "life" - hopefully I can have one day of being relaxed soon.

If i doc could actually prescribe one 24 hour period a month of relaxation it would help so damn much..

failinis

Gremlinertia wrote: »

If i doc could actually prescribe one 24 hour period a month of relaxation it would help so damn much..

It is bad when you are looking forward to sleep because you are unconscious but not doing any harm.



Then insomnia kicks in

Gremlinertia

Lucid dreams and nightmares keep me on my toes.. :rolleyes:

BaaLamb

My bed is my favourite place, sleeping allows a short escape from the agony that is reality.

Gremlinertia

Bed or couch for me, they are both like a little island for me when i need, though perversely i'm very slow to go to them sometimes.

BaaLamb

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Bed or couch for me, they are both like a little island for me when i need, though perversely i'm very slow to go to them sometimes.

Couch usually has a child firmly ensconced on it. More privacy for tears in the bed.

Gremlinertia

BaaLamb wrote: »

Couch usually has a child firmly ensconced on it. More privacy for tears in the bed.

Ahh, no kids here, no tears either Just try to drift.

failinis

I've been getting wound up something bad all week, and being home from Uni is hard as it is far easier to give false pretences of being fine if you are in another country. Do not want to concern my mum about anything as she has enough going on right now.
I need to try and distract myself and maybe not be home too much.

pew

I feel abandoned and rejected tonight.

But the funny thing is, i really want to be alone. I want to shy away from society for the time being. I dont feel like socializing.

I have given up on depending on people. I am a crutch for everyone, but no one is there for me, and when they are there, they make my problems about themselves. Or they talk about the one topic im am steering clear of.


I think i need alone time for a bit.

Gremlinertia

failinis wrote: »

I've been getting wound up something bad all week, and being home from Uni is hard as it is far easier to give false pretences of being fine if you are in another country. Do not want to concern my mum about anything as she has enough going on right now.
I need to try and distract myself and maybe not be home too much.

You may believe your mam has enough on, but mammies are incredible, how much does she currently know?. I ask because as strong as they can be a dump truck of stuff will flatten anyone.. Perhaps a walk or cuppa tomorrow afternoon or something, you know better than i when to approach

Gremlinertia

pew wrote: »

I feel abandoned and rejected tonight.

But the funny thing is, i really want to be alone. I want to shy away from society for the time being. I dont feel like socializing.

I have given up on depending on people. I am a crutch for everyone, but no one is there for me, and when they are there, they make my problems about themselves. Or they talk about the one topic im am steering clear of.


I think i need alone time for a bit.

Socialising or being in a crowd intensifies loneliness for me.. I'd be much better one to one with a trusted mate, even if that has to be via messenger or whatever.. I hope there's someone you can get for a chat today or tomorrow..

failinis

Gremlinertia wrote: »

You may believe your mam has enough on, but mammies are incredible, how much does she currently know?. I ask because as strong as they can be a dump truck of stuff will flatten anyone.. Perhaps a walk or cuppa tomorrow afternoon or something, you know better than i when to approach

I have heard her on the phone to an aunt concerned I am "going to have a break down" :rolleyes: so unless I lie and try and tell her I am fine I will make things worse.

Gremlinertia

failinis wrote: »

I have heard her on the phone to an aunt concerned I am "going to have a break down" :rolleyes: so unless I lie and try and tell her I am fine I will make things worse.

Then you probably really should talk since it's clear she can see you are suffering, perhaps she would like to talk but doesn't know how to open it up.. The amount of times i could have talked to people only we were both unable to due to fear mainly..

pew

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Socialising or being in a crowd intensifies loneliness for me.. I'd be much better one to one with a trusted mate, even if that has to be via messenger or whatever.. I hope there's someone you can get for a chat today or tomorrow..

I have counselling on tuesday.

Ill talk it out then.

For the moment i think ill go on a silent retreat.

Gremlinertia

Silence can be nice, just try not to let your brain get too busy, take care..

failinis

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Then you probably really should talk since it's clear she can see you are suffering, perhaps she would like to talk but doesn't know how to open it up.. The amount of times i could have talked to people only we were both unable to due to fear mainly..

I did have an attempt at a talk with her a few days ago, but ended up with her saying no matter what I do I will have this pain and hurt with me for the rest of my life........right o - k :pac: thanks for that mum.

Its not right for me to expect any support or demand it from people, especially when they don't know what I would like from them.

pew wrote: »

I have counselling on tuesday.

Ill talk it out then.

For the moment i think ill go on a silent retreat.

If being away from it all helps, a quiet weekend might be good.

Gremlinertia

Well, something may be long term, how you manage it is what can change, that was a core element to the DBT course i did for my borderline personality issue.

failinis

^ I know one issue I would like to face but also want to block and avoid at all costs. Until I pick up the balls to do anything thats on hold.

Another is medical so waiting for results to even see if there is an issue ha.

I don't want to drag her into more suffering but I don't want to help myself.
Just gotta make my bed and lie in it as change will only happen if I support it.

Gremlinertia

Oh indeed, horse to water and all that..

SAINTBRIGID

A 1/2 bottle of jack daniels. 2 donuts , bar of milk tray and two packs of peanuts and watching waking the dead on drama. Suitably chilled.

Met shrink last week, diagnosed reactive depression. Was told im very intelligent, and very defensive. Ill face up to any one regardless of consequences. Got into road rage with a guy tailgating me who then overtook me and slammed on the breaks. We had a fight on the N3 at 5.30 in the evening. Big Polish guy. Beat the living crap out of me. At 50 he was about 30.

Unfortunately Im now ruminating. Go to bed for weird dreams or stay up and keep eating.

I was told to take as much xanax as I need because I dont have an addictive personality.
Told Id be on Cymbalta for another 2 years. I see it as two years of anorgasmia.

Going to the UK, for an Irish funeral. 2 days of singing and drinking. God I wish I was on a package holiday in Syria.