Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

BaaLamb

Hi Pew, I'm sorry you are struggling and I can empathise with you. I'm in much the same place as you. Do you want to say anymore about what is happening with you?

failinis

I'm with Baalamb, sometimes ranting, for want of a better word, on safe threads can help, or can at least let you leave the frustration somewhere else other than your head.

pew

BaaLamb wrote: »

Hi Pew, I'm sorry you are struggling and I can empathise with you. I'm in much the same place as you. Do you want to say anymore about what is happening with you?

My job is really getting me down right now. They are so demotivating, my confidence has gone entirely. I have 3 weeks to find a new job and im struggling to find something.

BaaLamb

pew wrote: »

My job is really getting me down right now. They are so demotivating, my confidence has gone entirely. I have 3 weeks to find a new job and im struggling to find something.

Oh Pew I am so sorry to hear that. I've just been made redundant and I am also struggling to find work. It is very demoralising indeed.

Do you work in a sector that is specialist or do you have a broader range to target? Would you think about a career coach type person? My company paid for a couple of sessions with one as part of the redundancy process. I found it very helpful for getting a professional looking CV together.

Do you have any support in real life with how you are feeling?

Gremlinertia

Struggling, went for two nights away from town and first day was amazing, today not so good just yet. Maybe I'm just being negative but fcuk knows. It'll be early to bed anyway..

failinis

Could not stop crying yesterday morning at all, which I am going to blame on my ovarian cyst playing with my emotions.
My mother seen me and I feel awful making her feel so worried.
She asked me to tell my GP how I am feeling (she thinks I am depressed) but there is no point, I am only here for 3 more weeks.

BaaLamb

failinis wrote: »

Could not stop crying yesterday morning at all, which I am going to blame on my ovarian cyst playing with my emotions.
My mother seen me and I feel awful making her feel so worried.
She asked me to tell my GP how I am feeling (she thinks I am depressed) but there is no point, I am only here for 3 more weeks.

Ah failinis I'm sorry to read you were crying so much and your mother will always worry about you simply because she is your mother and that is our job as mothers. Mammy guilt and worry come with the baby! I don't know if there is anything I can say to help you but at least know I'm sending you positive thoughts for a good test result.

failinis

BaaLamb wrote: »

Ah failinis I'm sorry to read you were crying so much and your mother will always worry about you simply because she is your mother and that is our job as mothers. Mammy guilt and worry come with the baby! I don't know if there is anything I can say to help you but at least know I'm sending you positive thoughts for a good test result.

It is out of the ordinary for me to cry very much at all, and I do know that it was brought to the fore front by my cyst and my wonderful period being due soon.
But it just brought how I am feeling all the time to the surface and I am annoyed as I can normally hide it to try protect my mum.
Of god yeah, no one can stop a mothers worry :pac:

I want/need the ataxia test to be negative, everyone wants it to be negative.
The CT tests, if its positive for one then thats "fine" and I know ASAP but if its negative then its an entirely new syndrome and might be years till I know the full extent of how it will effect me and a sibling. Oh well.

Gremlinertia

Failinis i hope you don't feel too bad about the tears. As you know yourself your mum will worry anyway.. Roll on test results so you have something concrete to work with..

Kitty6277

drugstore cowboy wrote: »

Anyone find the warm, humid days and nights makes their anxiety/mood worse? I actually improve mentally in the winter!

I hear a lot of people say that, which, to me, makes no sense at all :eek: I tend to get far worse in the winter, the dark evenings, the horrible weather and all that always get me down.

Kitty6277

Been feeling crappy on and off the last few weeks. I had so many plans for this summer, none of which have happened, although not really through any fault of my own. It was looking so promising at the start of the summer, I got a job at a local bar and was going to be working regularly and earning regular money. Or so I thought. I was going to be driving and maybe have my own car. Or so I thought. I was going to go shopping, and have adventures with my friends. Or so I thought. When in reality, I've worked 3 nights since April, and haven't worked in over a month. Haven't been able to learn to drive properly as what money I had from some inheritance I loaned to my mam, and even if I had paid for lessons, I wouldn't be able to get insurance on the car we have. I don't even know why I thought it would all work out. This is me, nothing could ever, ever work out the way I want it to. And then it really gets me down when I see other people my age doing all the things I had planned, and it hits me. Coming from a not well off background, you just don't deserve all the things everyone your age who come from money have. Which of course logical me knows isn't really true, but yet, that's exactly what it feels like. And with regards to work, I'm not good enough. Why would I be? Even when I asked my boss last week if he needed me, he was just so flippant saying "oh, we'll see how things go", which my brain interprets as "you're not good enough, not even good enough for a job in a bar in a small town, how will you ever succeed in life" which again, I know isn't true, and yet, it feels so like it. Ugh, I hate that things like this get to me and leave me feeling so bad about everything.

Gremlinertia

Seems like it snowballed from the crappy treatment by the 'boss' at the bar. Could you apply to other bars and/or other jobs?. Could be a good time of year as the students will be giving up their summer jobs around now.
Hugs to you, i really understand that escalation and self blame thing. On particularly bad days i could come up with a plausible reason for how i caused the recession even though, like you, i know logically it's not true it doesn't stop the emotional pain of it..

Kitty6277

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Seems like it snowballed from the crappy treatment by the 'boss' at the bar. Could you apply to other bars and/or other jobs?. Could be a good time of year as the students will be giving up their summer jobs around now.
Hugs to you, i really understand that escalation and self blame thing. On particularly bad days i could come up with a plausible reason for how i caused the recession even though, like you, i know logically it's not true it doesn't stop the emotional pain of it..

I suppose that's what you get when you get a job through someone knowing someone as opposed to your actual skills and qualifications (which I have none of, yet). I suppose I could, but not much point right now as I'll be heading off to college soon enough (hopefully) and I don't know where I'll be yet. I mean if they weren't doing good business I'd understand that they're quiet and he doesn't need any more staff. But that's not the case. They're one of the busiest places in town at the moment, and all the other staff he took on are getting regular work, except me. Which has to be something to do with me. I just don't understand it.

Gremlinertia

Perhaps it's because of the 'someone knowing someone' thing? He might have felt he had to say yes even though he had the hiring done.. Anyway as you said you're moving on shortly so try not to let it drag you down..

Kitty6277

I mean I say it like that, but there was more to it. When I first asked about working, I wasn't even asking for a job, I was asking to be trained in so I could have some experience to put on my CV, and he said that I was like an answered prayer because he was looking for people because he was opening a new beer garden. It wasn't like "this is my daughter, you know me, give her a job", I asked him as my mam and him have been friends for years, and that he wouldn't mind just showing me the ropes so I could actually apply for bar jobs, and he said he happened to be looking for someone. But you're right, probably best to not let it get to me now.

Gremlinertia

New adventure on the horizon, that incident had derailed you somewhat but onward always..

Shint0

Was awake and just saw your post now, Kitty. Have to agree with Grem on all this. The way I'm reading your job situation is the intentions were probably good on the part of the owner to try train you in and give you work but they're so busy he simply might not have the time.

So it probably is nothing to do with you at all or lack of skill. It's just the way it turned out and perhaps in a slightly less busy environment the owner or staff might have time to show you the ropes. I would be inclined to look at it more objectively from that perspective and try not to take all the blame on you but it is hard I know when you are making plans around it.

Starting out in working life can be difficult at times but all these experiences add up and we learn something from each one of them and can apply it to the next job or similar situation we find ourselves in. Hope you get the college course you want.

ivytwine

Sorry to hear that kitty. I presume you will be leaving home for college? Maybe try and get some bar work there... It's not the most honest thing to do but I'd exaggerate this place on your CV. Did you get any training at all?

I can identify so much with the poor background thing. Life is so much harder when you have to worry about money all the time, and you have no fallback.

frulewis

I am going through the worst spot of anxiety depression etc. that I've ever been through and I can't seem to pull myself out of it. I'm seeing the doctors changing medication all the pizzazz but I just feel so sad all the time and anxious all the time over the stupidest stuff that ever was. I don't know why I'm posting really I'm just at the end of my tether and even though I have friends and family who know the score it is hard to explain how I feel to them when I don't really fully understand it myself.

ivytwine

frulewis wrote: »

I am going through the worst spot of anxiety depression etc. that I've ever been through and I can't seem to pull myself out of it. I'm seeing the doctors changing medication all the pizzazz but I just feel so sad all the time and anxious all the time over the stupidest stuff that ever was. I don't know why I'm posting really I'm just at the end of my tether and even though I have friends and family who know the score it is hard to explain how I feel to them when I don't really fully understand it myself.

Big hug X

failinis

Was "baby sitting" a brothers dog for a few days when he came to collect her this evening. (Her - https://flic.kr/p/KYnmxT )
Already feeling a lot worse, animals are great companions and kept me distracted quite a bit the past days.

I have always had heart troubles since I was born pretty much, but it has never been diagnosed as anything, even had a monitor implanted for a year.
Was told when I left my adolescent cardiologist that he has no idea what is wrong, but if I have been "okay" so far then it is likely harmless.
He was a really nice doctor, I actually done a medical illustration for him as a good bye gift.
I was then referred on to adult cardiology but it slipped through the net (never was given a doctor) then I went to England for Uni which disrupted things.

The connective tissue disorder me and bro were misdiagnosed with was Marfan Syndrome, known for serious cardiac complications.
The genetics dude I seen a few weeks ago suggested it is a CT disorder, which might be similar to Marfans or maybe even a new mutation via Marfans.

The chest pain and palpations/tayciardia calmed down finally for about 2 years (only occurred maybe 14 times in those 2 years).
But this past year it has come back a lot more, and my medical brother is concerned when I told him on the phone yesterday and seemed very annoyed I never told him that it was back. Said I need to phone the out of hours dr next time it happens. But they never find anything. I feel like I am wasting their time.

Maybe this chest and heart trouble is all in my head but I need to know for sure its not something physical.

I don't know, I started to feel like I was one of those hyprocondirac people or started to get scared that I was mentally ill.
That I felt this pain but it was never there and the doctors have written on my notes that I was a nutter and to placate me.
I even started to think my mother had that munchausen by proxy due to how often I was brought to dr after dr as a child.

Its not just this chest/heart trouble, I have pain in my joints, digestion, bowel, stomach, back and bad hip pain - and no doctor is taking me seriously about any of it.
I was in A&E last year with severe stomach pain that has been with me 2yrs but hit a peak. Dr never even examined (like prodded or whatever) me and said "its just women problems you get that at your age". My stomach is not down where my ovaries and such are ffs :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:
Turns out it was a bleeding ulcer that if left another month could have burst.
I was lucky a dr agreed to do an endoscopy on me.
I had 2 years of being guilted by my family and GP about being anorexic while I cried and said I was in pain.

The genetic dr a few weeks ago warned me that CT is not seen by most doctors and if he puts something in my notes that they will have to seriously take me on about what I am saying.
I think he gets that people were just brushing me off as some stupid girl.

I know I am rambling and most of this is medical bull shíte but I am very heavily weighed down by this. Someone needs to work out what is wrong and where it will continue to effect me as CT is a multi system disorder which I am already feeling.

I am sorry I just need to rant. I have so much going wrong in my body and I just want it to work because its dragging my mental health down with it.

But yes, go look at the cute doggie tho for real.

Tell me how

Hope it helped to get it off your chest some bit failinis.

Dogs are cool. Unconditional love and all that.

failinis

Tell me how wrote: »

Hope it helped to get it off your chest some bit failinis.

Dogs are cool. Unconditional love and all that.

Yeah I just needed a rant, sorry for the wall of text.

Dogs are cool and cute.
I will even forgive that one time she threw up on my bed. :eek:

failinis

I was asked to go for drinks when I get back to Uni by someone.
Replied to just lets arrange closer to time.
Also invited to an acquaintance birthday party at start of term on top of that.

Part of me is already sick in my stomach thinking about social occasions and another is angry at my hearing.

Something is going on with my hearing, I can hear a pin drop in a quiet room no problem.
You try and talk to me when other people are talking in a room, or talk to me walking beside a road, or inside shopping centre or even on the phone and it sounds like you are mumbling into your hand and I can not decipher it at all.

I went to my GP 3years ago on this, looked in my ears and said not ear wax, no burst ear drum etc and that I was fine.

Thing is, it has seriously gotten worse the past 3 years.
Was seeing family in a cafe we go to often, its quiet, no radio or music on just other people. The person I was sitting directly beside was speaking to me, and
I just heard "mumble mumble and then mumble" etc and the rest of the table talking about whatever, I could not join in.
I felt like I may as well not even be there at all.

So thats why I likely wont go to that birthday party and will end up cancelling that drink among other reasons.

Its getting very very isolating.

I already have very bad social anxiety and never went to a single event for my 1st year at Uni. By the end of 1st year in the final month I was "ready" to go out with some closer acquaintances. More mentally prepared I guessed?
But I met with someone in a cafe even, and I could not hear them at all. I feel like look stupid not answering properly.
If I am in a quiet room I can hear you 100% and pin drop etc, I feel like I can't say "Do you mind if we meet at xyz instead of abc because I have some hearing problems recently" when they said your hardly fecking deaf sure you can hear me grand type mentality.
So instead I stay inside. The genetic dr depressingly asked me about "any hearing loss?" and when I said I think so and described it, he just scribbled down a lot of notes then said its common with CT.

I promise this is my last whiney post (mainly as I am going to bed).

Gremlinertia

Hey, this is what the thread is for. Sometimes we just have to rant and it's safe to do so here..

Shint0

Tell me how wrote: »

Dogs are cool. Unconditional love and all that.

For sure! Better than any anti-d in my opinion and experience.

That dog is adorable, failinis. One of mine is a bit similar and sharp as a fox. Your name is publicly viewable. Not sure if you are aware of that or maybe it doesn't bother you.

That is a challenge trying to get doctors to take you seriously. I'm a bit surprised a comment of that nature would be recorded on your file as client or patient notes should always be objective, neutral and stick to the facts.

I'm not sure if you have ever had a mental health diagnosis or received any treatment. Where it might be within the same health service provider and on file unfortunately current or historical mental health difficulties can sometimes stick regardless of how far back and can colour some doctors' opinions if they have access to that information.

Don't be afraid to get second opinions with the cardiac issue although I think you have gone down that route with your other health challenges so you know the score already. If it turns out to be all interrelated you will probably have a multidisciplinary team involved to treat the various issues.

failinis

Shint0 wrote: »

For sure! Better than any anti-d in my opinion and experience.

That dog is adorable, failinis. One of mine is a bit similar and sharp as a fox. Your name is publicly viewable. Not sure if you are aware of that or maybe it doesn't bother you.

That is a challenge trying to get doctors to take you seriously. I'm a bit surprised a comment of that nature would be recorded on your file as client or patient notes should always be objective, neutral and stick to the facts.

I'm not sure if you have ever had a mental health diagnosis or received any treatment. Where it might be within the same health service provider and on file unfortunately current or historical mental health difficulties can sometimes stick regardless of how far back and can colour some doctors' opinions if they have access to that information.

Don't be afraid to get second opinions with the cardiac issue although I think you have gone down that route with your other health challenges so you know the score already. If it turns out to be all interrelated you will probably have a multidisciplinary team involved to treat the various issues.

On my name, I never use the as gaeilge name in real life, and I use that flickr to post to the photography fourm on here so its known on boards/online so thats fine - thanks for pointing it out though.

Yes, that little dog is sharp as a fox as well, you can see she is not entertained by me in the photo. Too smart for me :P

When I mentioned about "if they have it in my notes that I have some mental illness which clouds their view such as hypochondria" that was an assumption.
I have no idea if anything of that sort is suggested in my notes but going on how doctors have been getting no answer to my seemingly endless complaints I can really see it happening.
As far as I know, I don't have any kind of mental health struggles on file as I never bothered with doctors when depressed/anxious but yes that stuff sticks sometimes in a negative way.

Ha, I have had more than second opinions on my cardiac problems but feel its pointless, I have gone 20 years with no explanation at all. I will be turned away as usual being told there is nothing.
But given the concerned tone of my brother who has a medical background, I will be asking to be referred to a cardiologist when I am back in England ASAP anyway for a check up and scan of my aorta which should have been happening yearly. Its just hard to take it seriously when you kinda know the doctors will be giving up on me even if I go to them.

If its inter related (and likely genetic) then I guess it means I will continue being ill for the rest of my life, and its going to be "managing" not "curing" but at least I might have medical professionals not dismissing me.

Thanks everyone anyway, I really needed that off my chest.

Hugo Stiglitz

Mood crashed along with a dose of heightened associated sh!t this weekend. Hate this.

Tell me how

Hugo Stiglitz wrote:

Mood crashed along with a dose of heightened associated sh!t this weekend. Hate this.

Sorry to hear that Hugo.
Temporary blip hopefully. Any reason in particular it happened now that you can work on?

Hugo Stiglitz

Tell me how wrote: »

Sorry to hear that Hugo.
Temporary blip hopefully. Any reason in particular it happened now that you can work on?

Despite the medication etc, it just hits me from time to time. Hopefully it'll pass soon.

Hope ye are all keeping well there.

Gremlinertia

Howdy Hugo, how's today going for you so far?

Hugo Stiglitz

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Howdy Hugo, how's today going for you so far?

Quiet enough day here today. Not sure if that's good for the head or not!

How about you there?

Gremlinertia

Restorative before work hopefully. I'm ok, rumbles of guilt and self loathing that i'm attempting not to listen to

Shint0

I have absolutely no motivation today. Mood is good/happy but I think it's hormonal and obviously when motivation keeps going south it can affect your mood after a while.

When I was having a pre-consultation for one of my ADHD assessments two years ago I told a registrar that I felt the ADHD symptoms, body clock/seasonal issues and hormones were all interconnected somehow. I asked if I could have a hormonal panel done at the same time. He looked at me blankly and said they never do anything like that.

Later I was referred to someone else at the same clinic. I told him what the other doctor said and he said he wasn't surprised; how he is aware himself how mental health issues and hormones interact for women but is never given due consideration. He more or less called the other doctor a numpty which I was surprised as I thought they would sing from the same hymn sheet.

So thumbs down to doctors who don't listen.

BaaLamb

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Restorative before work hopefully. I'm ok, rumbles of guilt and self loathing that i'm attempting not to listen to

Hi Gremlinertia and Hugo, sounds like you are both having / have had a bit if a crappy time this weekend. I'm sorry to hear that and hope that things pick up a bit tomorrow.

Hugo Stiglitz

BaaLamb wrote: »

Hi Gremlinertia and Hugo, sounds like you are both having / have had a bit if a crappy time this weekend. I'm sorry to hear that and hope that things pick up a bit tomorrow.

Thanks, BaaLamb.

Hope you're well there.

norwegianwood

I've made the decision to move to Dublin to start a job related to my career, and I'm going from excitement to panic that I won't be able to handle it with my mental state, I'm leaving a fairly nice, low-pressure job to do this and I'm scared that I'm taking a huge risk.

Hugo Stiglitz

norwegianwood wrote: »

I've made the decision to move to Dublin to start a job related to my career, and I'm going from excitement to panic that I won't be able to handle it with my mental state, I'm leaving a fairly nice, low-pressure job to do this and I'm scared that I'm taking a huge risk.

Best of luck, NW. I hope it all turns out well there.

Gremlinertia

Impressive NW, if you need to vent at any point you can always bring it here..

BaaLamb

norwegianwood wrote: »

I've made the decision to move to Dublin to start a job related to my career, and I'm going from excitement to panic that I won't be able to handle it with my mental state, I'm leaving a fairly nice, low-pressure job to do this and I'm scared that I'm taking a huge risk.

You can but try! Well done on being brave enough to take the risk. Am rooting for you!!!

worded

The Black dog of depression .... That's what Churchill called it
This short video is clever
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XiCrniLQGYc

Gremlinertia

I've watched that a couple of times Worded, it's a good video, especially for people needing a little help getting thieir head around things..

BaaLamb

The anxiety is overwhelming this morning. I've had nothing but rejection from jobs I've applied for thus far. To be fair none of them were in the sector I've worked in but I definitely have the transferable skills. I've been told several times I'm overqualified. I just want a job so that I can support my family and pay my mortgage especially since OH will also be out of work at the end of this month. The stress is really exacerbating my anxiety and affecting my mood which has been low for much of this year already. I just feel powerless and the hopelessness comes over me in waves. I know I've probably already said this 100 times before but I just need to get it out of my head somehow.

Shint0

BaaLamb wrote: »

The anxiety is overwhelming this morning. I've had nothing but rejection from jobs I've applied for thus far. To be fair none of them were in the sector I've worked in but I definitely have the transferable skills. I've been told several times I'm overqualified. I just want a job so that I can support my family and pay my mortgage especially since OH will also be out of work at the end of this month. The stress is really exacerbating my anxiety and affecting my mood which has been low for much of this year already. I just feel powerless and the hopelessness comes over me in waves. I know I've probably already said this 100 times before but I just need to get it out of my head somehow.

When you have some luck on the employment situation I'm sure things will ease up for you a little. If you don't mind me asking how are you applying for jobs? Are you just sending out CVs or using any other methods?

A lot of people tend to rely on sending out as many CVs as possible as it's the most common form when there are plenty of other avenues to source a job as well e.g. cold calling, networking via past/present connections, business and specialist interest groups. These methods can involve being a little bit more pro-active and courageous but often give very good return on effort. You are motivated now anyway which is great.

BaaLamb

Shint0 wrote: »

When you have some luck on the employment situation I'm sure things will ease up for you a little. If you don't mind me asking how are you applying for jobs? Are you just sending out CVs or using any other methods?

A lot of people tend to rely on sending out as many CVs as possible as it's the most common form when there are plenty of other avenues to source a job as well e.g. cold calling, networking via past/present connections, business and specialist interest groups. These methods can involve being a little bit more pro-active and courageous but often give very good return on effort. You are motivated now anyway which is great.

Hi Shint0, you are very good to respond to me. I am using a combination of approaches I guess. I am networking using existing contacts, contacts of friends and applying for advertised jobs. I've also tried agencies but to be honest they haven't a clue what to do with me as most of them have never come across my profession. I may have to look into becoming self-employed but there are a lot of reasons for not wanting to go down this route not least that people are so bad to pay and it is hard to make a living in this way. It also brings a lot of additional stress that I would have liked to avoid if possible for the sake of my own wellbeing.

Esel

Maybe revise your CV? There are lots of resources online to help with this.

Also, your covering letter is *very* important - it should be *totally* customised for each application you make; should show that you have done some research (i.e. you know what they do, and where they want to go); and explain how you can fulfill the role; maybe with a suggestion or two.

The worst covering letter, and the quickest way into the bin, is:

Dear blah,

I enclose herewith my application form / CV.

Hoping to hear from you soon.

Yours,

Etc.

---

tl/dr

Customise.

Your CV (important).

Your covering letter (very, *very* important).

---

It will happen (things will come good), for you and your partner.

Hope this helps.

BaaLamb

Thanks for the good wishes and advice Esel, I can't tell you how much the online support on this thread is appreciated. I have had my CV worked on by a career coach / adviser as part of my redundancy and it was written to try to highlight the transferable skills I have. The careers guy also provided advice on cover letters and I have been trying to tailor them to the jobs I'm applying for. I find the CV tweaking and cover letter writing very challenging to be honest and I'm not 100% sure why.

I'm sitting here crying now because I just feel so hopeless, sorry.

Gremlinertia

BaaLamb, you are working hard and your multi pronged approach is spot on i think. Do you use things like linkedin etc? I'm in the middle of severe chest clamping panic right now. Don't think I'll sleep today at all.

BaaLamb

Gremlinertia wrote: »

BaaLamb, you are working hard and your multi pronged approach is spot on i think. Do you use things like linkedin etc? I'm in the middle of severe chest clamping panic right now. Don't think I'll sleep today at all.

Yes I use LinkedIn for all the good it seems to do me.

I'm really sorry you are in the midst of a panic attack, it is fupping awful and indescribable to people who have never had one. Is there anything that will help you loosen the grip of the panic?

BaaLamb

Another morning of crying and being afraid. Unable to get out of bed and panicking about finding work. I think this is getting worse and I can't get hold of anyone in the service. Shall have to try again today.