Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

failinis

Been in an "odd" mood the past few days, irrationally angry and worked up but nothing to be angry about or at.

Yesterday I woke up feeling very ill, just that full body aching and fatigue you get with fevers and flus except I had neither. So fatigued and mentally foggy.
Lay in bed and could not sleep but not aware enough to focus on reading or anything just laying down feeling like total shíte :rolleyes:

Started to keep a diary for my genetic doctor (and I suppose any other dr) about symptoms I have, and its been going 2 days and I already have complaints (some chronic) on my eye pain (waiting to be seen after optician could not work out), hearing (appointment next week), joints, chest, IBS stuff, stomach pains (could be old ulcer), circulation, gyno, hip pain and fever and balance issues and dropping things.

I feel like I am moaning and complaining so much but its genuine symptoms but I feel angry recording how much I drop things and small stuff like that.
Every time I drop stuff (3 times today plus "forgetting" where my hand is meaning I punched a bed post by accident and poured tea not into my mouth but on to myself) makes me angry. Every single time I loose another cup. I fear about the nerves in my hands. My art is my life. My feet are severely effected by I want my hands to be okay.
I guess it is hard to actually confront how I feel every day, even just from a medical point of view.

Don't know just not in a good place all week.

Edit: Spilled water all over myself just now, I keep tipping the cup before it reaches my mouth. I swear to god I am getting so pissed off.

failinis

I know I really am on edge because my stalker tends to harass my friends when he guesses I enter or leave Ireland.
I just expect to see him out the window at any time.

mansize

Shint0 wrote: »

Have you been actively looking for work so far, mansize, or just starting the process now?

Work-related issues seem to be coming up a lot recently in the thread and can be a major source of stress for people wiith any type of mental health difficulty but assistance available generally tends to be not well publicised.

Applied for a few things my doctor thinks would be manageable.

ivytwine

Sent a drunk text last night. Let the self loathing and recrimination begin.

Honestly this first appointment can't come fast enough. I'm in a massive self sabotage mode, I've basically been promoted and I cannot get excited about it, I'm in such a rut and so sick of dealing with the same old ****e, year in, year out.

Shint0

mansize wrote: »

Applied for a few things my doctor thinks would be manageable.

You could always share your thoughts and experiences here if you are having any difficuties around the job searching process. Returning to the workforce if you have mental health difficulties can be challenging for a lot of people.

It's not just about finding a suitable job match and environment but oftentimes people can have difficulty in explaining gaps in their employment and wondering if they should disclose their illness to a prospective employer; at what stage should they do that; do they need any accommodations in the workplace possibly around taking time off for medical appointments.

Sometimes people aren't even aware of their rights and entitlements, and what supports and financial assistance are available to them. The whole process can be very daunting so perhaps here might be a good place to vent and to bounce any thoughts off others as it seems to be a recurring theme in the thread more than anywhere else on Boards.

Gremlinertia

Not very well, physical pain is pretty massive and it's really dragging my mood off. Think my resources are close to tapped out. I know it will pass.. Clinging to that..

BaaLamb

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Not very well, physical pain is pretty massive and it's really dragging my mood off. Think my resources are close to tapped out. I know it will pass.. Clinging to that..

I'm sorry you are in physical pain, I hope you can withstand it and overcome it soon. Sending you good thoughts.

BaaLamb

ivytwine wrote: »

Sent a drunk text last night. Let the self loathing and recrimination begin.

Honestly this first appointment can't come fast enough. I'm in a massive self sabotage mode, I've basically been promoted and I cannot get excited about it, I'm in such a rut and so sick of dealing with the same old ****e, year in, year out.

I'm very glad mobile phones were not available in my partying years, I'd plenty of self loathing to be going on with as it was:D. One drunk text is no biggie Ivy so don't be giving yourself a hard time.

It is hard to get excited about anything when your mood is low, I empathise with you. Well done on your promotion though.

ivytwine

BaaLamb wrote: »

I'm very glad mobile phones were not available in my partying years, I'd plenty of self loathing to be going on with as it was:D. One drunk text is no biggie Ivy so don't be giving yourself a hard time.

It is hard to get excited about anything when your mood is low, I empathise with you. Well done on your promotion though.

Thank you BaaLamb I am just old enough to remember life before phones and things seem a lot harder now. Internet is fantastic in lots of ways but I don't think having all this access to others and their lives at your fingertips is the best for mental health. I've done this loads of times (not to the same person... at least. This is the first time they've gotten one haha) and it's just mortifying. Ugh. I'll go into the counsellor tomorrow and be like "My whole life is just a mess. Fix it" :pac:

Thanks, you know yourself, you then feel guilty for not being excited about a positive. Ehh.

mansize

My anxiety levels through the roof today

BaaLamb

mansize wrote: »

My anxiety levels through the roof today

Yeah me too. Been crying again this evening and had to hit the Ativan.

mansize

Had a lie in, got up, no milk, after getting some yesterday!

Doing my nephew a favour by letting him and his gf stay for a while. They are normally great but the little thing like the milk cos I was in bad form sent me over the edge.

I texted him asking him to pick up fabric softener- I washed all the towels and none left and he replied he wouldn't be anywhere to get some!!!

I was more than a little peaved at this I'm really on edge and work situation not helping!

StripedBoxers

I would say it to them when they're back, either they start coughing up or else they can find another place to stay to be honest.

I've started having panic attacks and migraines again lately. FFS.

A friend is going through a rough time and its really affecting me because she won't change her situation and as a result her children are suffering and I am finding it hard to watch.

I'm getting so frustrated with her and her not using or wanting to use the supports that are there for her instead telling me everything (although I don't encourage her not to as I am the only one she talks too) so I don't know what more to do.

mansize

They brought me chocolate!

They are lovely, in fairness, I was just off form.

Gremlinertia

Glad that things improved Mansize

Shint0

StripedBoxers wrote: »

A friend is going through a rough time and its really affecting me because she won't change her situation and as a result her children are suffering and I am finding it hard to watch.

I'm getting so frustrated with her and her not using or wanting to use the supports that are there for her instead telling me everything (although I don't encourage her not to as I am the only one she talks too) so I don't know what more to do.

I think people who have a tendency towards depression probably have higher levels of empathy and can be quite caring and conscientious. We don't like to see other people suffering. You can start to become involved sometimes in other people's problems where they might end up relying on you too much or even sometimes taking advantage.

It's okay to take a step back and become more selfish if it's affecting your own needs and allow others take responsibilty for their own problems. Not easy to do and can take a long time to learn but if is possible.

failinis

The longer I stay here the more I expect my stalker to attempt to contact me. I read a thing about how many become violent in the end up. I think he will kill me in a rage some day. The sooner I leave for college again the better. I have my friends warned if I ever go missing to bring him up. I think being home so long is making me very cagey. I did go to police. But could not go ahead for court yet.
I think I will have to see a therapist forst before I go and see about police again. Just geting so so on edge now again im sick. I always feel like I will see his face or get attacked when I just close my window blinds. I feel awful but I will try not have a panic attack. Controlling breathing.

Gremlinertia

Hey there Failinis, sorry to hear you're stuck with such thoughts, i hope you manage to keep the panic at bay and get some sleep.

failinis

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Hey there Failinis, sorry to hear you're stuck with such thoughts, i hope you manage to keep the panic at bay and get some sleep.

Its been at the back of my mind always - but the past two days its just at the fore front of my mind. I kept expecting to see him or for him to contact me/friends.
Tends to contact when he expects me entering Ireland like this early summer, and just expecting the next one now as I soon leave.

I cant put it into words properly but just deep deep concern. I feel very scared for my well being - but no reason to suspect an attack or anything. Just my head being recked.

StripedBoxers

Hope you're okay Failinis.

Shint0 wrote: »

I think people who have a tendency towards depression probably have higher levels of empathy and can be quite caring and conscientious. We don't like to see other people suffering. You can start to become involved sometimes in other people's problems where they might end up relying on you too much or even sometimes taking advantage.

It's okay to take a step back and become more selfish if it's affecting your own needs and allow others take responsibilty for their own problems. Not easy to do and can take a long time to learn but if is possible.

This is it exactly.

I am just so frustrated at her, she knows exactly what she needs to do but won't do it, instead making up every excuse in the book to avoid doing it, she won't access proper healthcare/medical supports, won't allow anyone to mind her kids to she can go to counselling etc. She is doing everything to avoid it, but yet piles it all on me (and none of our other friends) and its causing me to have panic attacks.

I'm in bad form anyway this week and she isn't helping. I know she means no harm but how many times can you use the same excuse over and over and over and over before accepting you have to move on.

I feel awful writing that out but I am so upset and worried for her kids and their welfare I really am.

bridgettedon

StripedBoxers wrote: »

Hope you're okay Failinis.

This is it exactly.

I am just so frustrated at her, she knows exactly what she needs to do but won't do it, instead making up every excuse in the book to avoid doing it, she won't access proper healthcare/medical supports, won't allow anyone to mind her kids to she can go to counselling etc. She is doing everything to avoid it, but yet piles it all on me (and none of our other friends) and its causing me to have panic attacks.

I'm in bad form anyway this week and she isn't helping. I know she means no harm but how many times can you use the same excuse over and over and over and over before accepting you have to move on.

I feel awful writing that out but I am so upset and worried for her kids and their welfare I really am.

Don't feel bad. You need to look after yourself first. All you can do is point her to the right services. Try to take a step back from the situation.

Have gone back to cbt for a few more sessions. Wondering if I will ever be finished with my issues. I think this will be a lifelong battle for me.

StripedBoxers

bridgettedon wrote: »

Don't feel bad. You need to look after yourself first. All you can do is point her to the right services. Try to take a step back from the situation.

You are right, everyone is telling me this, I am finding it harder this time though because there are kids involved. I am trying my best to distance myself from it but because of the kids and their safety I am finding it very difficult.

bridgettedon wrote: »

Have gone back to cbt for a few more sessions. Wondering if I will ever be finished with my issues. I think this will be a lifelong battle for me.

CBT is very, very hard. I have done it myself before in the past for about two years and it was extremely difficult, it was the hardest therapy I have ever done, but it was so so worth it. I know others who've done it and like that it was extremely difficult and trying at times, but when it works, it works amazingly. Keep at it, you are strong enough for it.

Mental illnesses will always be there, its getting a handle on them and managing them that's the hard part, CBT will help hugely with this although its a very trying and difficult time while going through it, it is so worth it when you come out the other side.

Back2work

ongarboy wrote: »

Hi all.
Recent lurker to this forum as I wanted to seek out solidarity from those who understand what I’m going through which is a fairly constant feeling of anxiety. I was even anxious about posting here under my username as I was afraid that those who may be familiar with me elsewhere on Boards or anyone who’d google me on Boards would see this and then associate me with a mental health condition and what a stigma that would be….eh?? I also had a concern that coming here (and I’ve visited this thread a lot in the last couple of weeks) would somehow encourage me to wallow in my condition and somehow use the forum as an excuse to go on “poor me” rants and have some of you validate such rants and which could start making the thread addictive for me for the wrong reasons (ie seeking the company of misery/pity/sympathy validations). I’m confident for me that the positives of this thread will far outweigh any perceived negatives I had or may have.

I can however see a lot of very brave individuals coming here and posting about how they are truly hurting right now or in the recent past and how they even just have the wherewithal to post about that. Those posts alone mean you are not suffering in silence. Your honesty and courage is what is inspiring me and doesn’t make me feel alienated and alone (of which I’ve so often felt in the past).

I left a great, very well paid, top of career job 3 years ago due to extreme work related anxiety and tricked everyone into thinking I was taking a career break to go travelling for a year which of course was a far more socially acceptable “why are you leaving?” response rather than say “I can’t face this job or any new job”. Anyway, with some therapy and fabulous group support work with CrossCare during that year off, I mustered up the strength and courage to fight my anxiety and go back and find a job in my industry ( a different company, similar job) hoping I could use the coping mechanisms and tools I acquired through therapy to endure this new job. You’ve all heard the Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway malarkey…. I lasted two years that included 2 one month absences due to work related anxiety before I had to quit again before Christmas to save myself from descending further down a black hole of anxiety. I'm so mad and angry that 20 years of education, qualifications and working hard to ascend to the top has all being wasted but my sanity had to come first. My therapist congratulated me when I guiltily admitted I handed in my notice and said that I should feel empowered for owning that decision to leave an environment that was stressing me out. I’m still not sure if it’s me or my anxiety that “owned” it.

Anyway, 3 months later and I’m back job hunting again and trying to focus on completely different industries but my CV is only geared towards the industry I’ve always worked in. I’m now applying for completely unrelated jobs hoping that working in a different field will not cause me such anxiety and stress. I’m not sure how successful that will be but I guess the fact I’m doing it all is a good thing, right? I’m hating having to job hunt as I equate work with anxiety for as long as I remembered and this job hunting feeds into the anxiety. However, I get more stressed out by doing nothing and feeling guilty about doing nothing so I popped off a couple of CVs today. Not sure I’d even want the jobs I’m applying for but there is a slight feel good feeling already for doing something productive as applying for jobs I guess.

Anyway, apologies for the long post – hadn’t planned, just kept on typing. I just wanted to introduce myself and say well done to all of you for expressing yourselves so honestly. Even if you feel your posts do not help yourself, it may help someone else who’s reading and that has to be a good thing.

Ongar, Im in a very similar situation to you, left a good paying job 3.5yrs ago due to severe anxiety and stress. Looking to find work now, but dont know how to explain the gap. Can I ask what you put in for your 2 yr gap and have u since found a job. Thanks

Shint0

Back2work wrote: »

Ongar, Im in a very similar situation to you, left a good paying job 3.5yrs ago due to severe anxiety and stress. Looking to find work now, but dont know how to explain the gap. Can I ask what you put in for your 2 yr gap and have u since found a job. Thanks

Gaps can be explained plausibly if you don't wish to disclose your illness. What I would say, and without knowing your personal situation, if a gap has been for a number of years due to illness sometimes a phased returned to work can help. This might include doing a short course of study in an area that interests you, volunteering, an internship or work experience placement for a short duration, or even something part-time for a few hours per day/week in an area that might not be related to your previous experience.

It can help in readjusting to a structured work environment to see how you cope without going back to work full-time immediately, give you something recent to put on your CV and talk about at an interview in a way that's relevant to any position you might apply for afterwards to demonstrate what you learned from the experience. Just a consideration but obviously you know your own situation better.

failinis

Shint0 wrote: »

I think people who have a tendency towards depression probably have higher levels of empathy and can be quite caring and conscientious. We don't like to see other people suffering. You can start to become involved sometimes in other people's problems where they might end up relying on you too much or even sometimes taking advantage.

It's okay to take a step back and become more selfish if it's affecting your own needs and allow others take responsibilty for their own problems. Not easy to do and can take a long time to learn but if is possible.

I have actually had that talk with myself - to stop burdening a certain friend with things, as she matches what you described above about empathy and I would be wary that she would actually get effected from what I say.

I know she is there for me as friend - but she is not a counsellor/therapist and I should not expect anyone to be more than they are.

I have an appointment booked for my GP when I get back to England in a few weeks to ask to see some kind of counsellor/therapist as its the correct people to go to.

-

As for myself today, I feel still in edge, the panic builds over the whole day before it hits a peak at 7pm onwards.
To me the stalker would like to think he could plan something but would fail. My main danger is what he could do in a blind rage so I do not go anywhere alone now.
I always have my camera (or my phone camera) on me so I can record/photo if he is following or threatening me - and also to just take nice photos ha.

Yesterday I kind of accepted how much that twat has impacted my life and I can not relax when I am in my home town anymore at all.
I think I have been home for a few long weeks and that stress is hitting boiling point.

Thats not adding on stress from some medical problems and social anxiety - heading back to Uni which is more stress but at least it focuses me.
Just dont wanna go to a therapist/counsellor and tell them some of these problems and just break down and cant focus on Uni work anymore.
But I cant afford to bottle up and break down myself over it all.
I do know pretty much for a fact that if I get told a certain test result is positive it will really screw my head for a while.

Notsomindful

Been off anti depressants past while on advice of psychiatrist. Anxiety very high resulting in me pulling hair out in clumps without realising it. Negative thoughts are back.
Am back to clinic on 5th September.
Added to this, got told during week that eldest son has probable diagnosis of autism.
Expected it but still a shock.
Find myself avoiding situations of socialising in regrds to my son as it makes life easier for me.
Thing is , i feel i have to convince everyone I am coping over my duty of care to my sons yet stress is showing in ibs flare ups, exhaustion mixed with hyperness, loss of appetite, migraines and getting a lot more irritable.
I feel I can never be unwell as my son needs me.

My counsellor has been on holiday since start of august and first session in 6 weeks is 6th sept. So this prob isnt helping.

Hope everyone is ok.

Gremlinertia

Notsomindful wrote: »

Been off anti depressants past while on advice of psychiatrist. Anxiety very high resulting in me pulling hair out in clumps without realising it. Negative thoughts are back.
Am back to clinic on 5th September.
Added to this, got told during week that eldest son has probable diagnosis of autism.
Expected it but still a shock.
Find myself avoiding situations of socialising in regrds to my son as it makes life easier for me.
Thing is , i feel i have to convince everyone I am coping over my duty of care to my sons yet stress is showing in ibs flare ups, exhaustion mixed with hyperness, loss of appetite, migraines and getting a lot more irritable.
I feel I can never be unwell as my son needs me.

My counsellor has been on holiday since start of august and first session in 6 weeks is 6th sept. So this prob isnt helping.

Hope everyone is ok.

You are allowed, indeed have every right to be upset. Don't think you have to have some calm exterior to indicate that you are managing.. Your son needs you to mind yourself aswell as him. Kinda reminds me of the safety advice on planes, put your own air mask on first before you attempt to help others.. Hugs to you as the timing of your counsellor's holidays is making this tougher to deal with.. Always an ear here..

Notsomindful

Gremlinertia wrote: »

You are allowed, indeed have every right to be upset. Don't think you have to have some calm exterior to indicate that you are managing.. Your son needs you to mind yourself aswell as him. Kinda reminds me of the safety advice on planes, put your own air mask on first before you attempt to help others.. Hugs to you as the timing of your counsellor's holidays is making this tougher to deal with.. Always an ear here..

Thanks grem. Nervous wreck tonight as kids and other half are in Nana's. House noises making me edgy
And jumpy.
Not too fond of being on my own when i feel this way - as illogical brain tends to take over.

BaaLamb

Notsomindful I hope you got a reasonable amount of sleep in the end? I hate my own company when I'm anxious and down as I'm afraid of being alone with my thoughts. I'm sorry to hear about your son's diagnosis and as Grem said you have every right to be upset. I hope you can have a little bit of time today to allow yourself to rest before everyone returns from Nana's. Sending you good wishes.

BaaLamb

God I'm an idiot. I'm so worried about something that is quite small in the grand scheme of things, I'm an idiot.

Shint0

BaaLamb wrote: »

God I'm an idiot. I'm so worried about something that is quite small in the grand scheme of things, I'm an idiot.

I always look at it from the perspective if something is bothering you and it's significant to you then it doesn't matter how trivial it is compared to other people's difficulties. Your worries and concerns are still valid. As an example, I always dismiss the type of attitude if someone broke their leg and you have somebody else telling them aren't they lucky they didn't break two because someone else they know broke both and you should count yourself lucky.

I'm going through a difficult time at the moment too. Someone who tries to bring me down a lot is doing it again. I need to use all my strength and everything I have learned not to allow them to bring me down into a dark place. I really need to do something about it long-term. I have tried in the past but when I went looking for relevant supports that support let me down badly. I might start looking into it again from a different angle.

failinis

Have a hearing test tomorrow, wish me luck because I am getting pretty damn het up over it.
The fact I am finding it very hard to hear is making me socially anxious and pretty isolated so if I at least get an answer it will be good.

BaaLamb

Shint0 wrote: »

I always look at it from the perspective if something is bothering you and it's significant to you then it doesn't matter how trivial it is compared to other people's difficulties. Your worries and concerns are still valid. As an example, I always dismiss the type of attitude if someone broke their leg and you have somebody else telling them aren't they lucky they didn't break two because someone else they know broke both and you should count yourself lucky.

I'm going through a difficult time at the moment too. Someone who tries to bring me down a lot is doing it again. I need to use all my strength and everything I have learned not to allow them to bring me down into a dark place. I really need to do something about it long-term. I have tried in the past but when I went looking for relevant supports that support let me down badly. I might start looking into it again from a different angle.

I'm just an idiot and sent a message that wasn't in any way rude (I don't think) but the person hasn't responded and I've worried about it since I sent it. I hate the idea of offending or upsetting anyone. Part of the anxiety I guess

Shint0 I'm really sorry you are going through a tough time. You've been so incredibly supportive to me since I started posting on this thread. As I don't know the circumstances you are alluding to I can't really offer any useful advice but I can offer a listening ear here if you need it. I hope you are winning the battle against being pulled into the dark.

Shint0

Aw thanks, BaaLamb. That's what we're all here for to support each other through the ups and downs and the in betweens.

About sending messages or doing something we think is stupid and feeling bad afterwards, I have definitely been guilty of that in the past. What I have learned is nine times out of ten we can magnify things in our own head and how others might respond or react way beyond what the reality might be.

Sometimes people are busy and don't have time to reply for a while. I have learned to let go of dwelling on some of my idiotic behaviour in the past because every single person is guilty of doing something stupid or fecking up at some stage. Nobody is immune from that.

Gremlinertia

Failinis, wishing you luck today.

Physical pain has me through the wringer the last five/six days and as a result i've been cranky and getting very down.. I've been keeping the anger away from others mostly and instead rant a bit online but the disintegrating mood i just can't see, to deal with at all currently.

failinis

Good news and bad news.

I have good hearing, yay, (except a dip in the low tones, which is attributed to surgery as a child) - so I should be happy.
However the audiologist said people with connective tissue disorders have a high chance (80%) of hearing loss so I should expect it in future.

I said how do I have good hearing, yet literally go deaf when a person speaks over another or out in cafes or any noisy place?

She said she really thinks is a cognitive brain problem (not another fúcking neurology issue) and that there are misconnections and issues of misfiring in my brain. Wonderful.
I said so what causes that and she said they likely wont find a root cause but things like dyspraxia is one factor.
She said she needs to refer me to a certain hearing therapist - from all the singing of praises she done this lady doctor must be very good- and hoping I can see her before I go to Uni again in a few days time.
I said I am home in December and Easter but the dr said she is concerned and does not want me to leave without seeing someone.
Asked the dr what can fix it and she said its chronic?! So what, I am hearing impaired but my ears are healthy?!

So on Thursday I will be driving all the way to Ballymena to be reassessed on my dyspraxia as well which is a shít way to spend my last few days at home but these things need done.

I don't feel like I need to type out how thats making me feel.

BaaLamb

Failinis, glad to hear your hearing is ok but sorry to hear you have to spend the last few days of your holidays on the road and visiting doctors. I hope the dyspraxia assessment goes ok.

I'm just putting this sadness and despair I feel in writing here in the hope I can move past it in real life. OH had an interview today but it was with a large multi-national and there were lots of people being interviewed so I think his chances of getting through to the next stage are pretty low. We really need him to find work because I'm not having much luck and in theory he should be more employable than me. The stress really isn't helping me, my mood is up and down constantly. I am actually terrified we will end up homeless.

BaaLamb

Failinis, glad to hear your hearing is ok but sorry to hear you have to spend the last few days of your holidays on the road and visiting doctors. I hope the dyspraxia assessment goes ok.

I'm just putting this sadness and despair I feel in writing here in the hope I can move past it in real life. OH had an interview today but it was with a large multi-national and there were lots of people being interviewed so I think his chances of getting through to the next stage are pretty low. We really need him to find work because I'm not having much luck and in theory he should be more employable than me. The stress really isn't helping me, my mood is up and down constantly. I am actually terrified we will end up homeless.

CandyPixie

Hello Folks

Hope it's okay to post here. I suffer from acute anxiety, I seem to spend every waking hour worrying about what might happen, rather than 'getting on' with my life.

However, I allow my anxiety to completely control my body. Every muscle feels as tight as a coiled spring, and despite trying meditation and deep breathing, I sit in the chair for hours at a time, afraid to stand in case one of my tight muscles hurts. Obviously as a result of being so inactive, my muscles are weak. It's in no way health related, my general health is fine.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but I live in fear of what might occur, it's ruining my life, if you could call this a life.
I don't work, so therefore rarely have to leave the house, which I know is not a good thing.

I suppose my question is: Do others have actual physical manifestations in this way? Allowing their anxiety to control their body?

Sorry for the long post, but I'm desperate at this stage.

Hugo Stiglitz

CandyPixie wrote: »

Hello Folks

Hope it's okay to post here. I suffer from acute anxiety, I seem to spend every waking hour worrying about what might happen, rather than 'getting on' with my life.

However, I allow my anxiety to completely control my body. Every muscle feels as tight as a coiled spring, and despite trying meditation and deep breathing, I sit in the chair for hours at a time, afraid to stand in case one of my tight muscles hurts. Obviously as a result of being so inactive, my muscles are weak. It's in no way health related, my general health is fine.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but I live in fear of what might occur, it's ruining my life, if you could call this a life.
I don't work, so therefore rarely have to leave the house, which I know is not a good thing.

I suppose my question is: Do others have actual physical manifestations in this way? Allowing their anxiety to control their body?

Sorry for the long post, but I'm desperate at this stage.

Welcome to the thread, CP.

Shint0

CandiPixie, it's good that you have decided to post here. It sounds like you have become a bit stuck and might need help in moving forward.

Have you spoken to a doctor or are you linked in with a mental health service? There are various medical treatments and therapies designed to help with those type of anxious and obsessive worrying thoughts.

I'm wondering if you might benefit from having a Community Mental Health Nurse from your local mental health service come visit you at your home to help get you going again and then you might be linked in with an occupational therapist at the same health centre.

Tell me how

I would echo what Shint0 said. Start by communicating with a Dr. Has this gotten worse recently or is it always this way?

Welcome to the thread.

py2006

I don't normally read or share these Americanised/Self help kind of articles but I found this one (outlined below)gives good and simple advice for anyone suffering with depression. Making the small and simple changes in your routine and thoughts can make a huge difference.

The below is well worth a read and EVEN MORE worth trying out in your own life:




Don't catastrophize
One way to sabotage yourself is to take a single event and treat it as an ongoing source of negativity. "People who are unemployed do this a lot," says Rego. "They've lost their job because of the economy and they personalize it."

It's also unhealthy to catastrophize—focus on the worst imagined outcome, even if it's irrational. For example, don't let concerns about money escalate into the conviction you'll soon be homeless.

Instead of thinking, "I'll never get another job," try to say to yourself: "I will get another job. It just may take some time."



Stop ruminating
Ever clash with a colleague or fight with a friend and then keep obsessively thinking about it, amplifying the anger, stress, and anxiety associated with the memory? Known as rumination, this type of thinking is linked to a greater risk of becoming or staying depressed.

While reflection is a good thing, and may help you solve problems, rumination does the opposite.

If you catch yourself ruminating, studies suggest it may help if you try to distract yourself, meditate, or redirect your thoughts. Cognitive behavioral therapy often targets rumination because it can be so damaging to mental health.


Retire your crystal ball
Very few (if any) of us are blessed with the ability to predict the future. But depressed people will often convince themselves they know what will happen a day, a month, or a year down the line. And it's usually bad, if not downright catastrophic.

Fortunately, our dire predictions rarely come true.

Try to stay in the present. It's much more manageable and you're less likely to blow things out of proportion.


Don't dwell on the past
It's pretty pointless to tell yourself you should have done this or shouldn't have done that. You can't change the past, but you can live in the present.

Just accept that you made the best decisions you could have made with the information or resources you had at the time. Hindsight is always 20/20, so best to try to just let it go and don't beat yourself up for perceived missteps.

And do a rumination check; ruminating about the past can generate anxiety, just as worry about the future.



Reach out to others
A hallmark of depression is isolation. It can happen easily if you're not working, or you're avoiding people because you're depressed. But reinvigorating or expanding a social network provides an opportunity to get support, perhaps even from people in the same or a similar situation, says Rego.

"Once you start reconnecting with people, you get a sense they understand," he says. "You get positive advice and encouragement and it's often done in activities that end up being fun."

Staying home alone will perpetuate the depression. Getting out with other people—even a little bit—will lift your spirits.


Stick to a structured routine
Even if you don't feel like it, make sure you get up at a set time, eat meals at the same hour every day (even if you're not hungry), and avoid lounging on the couch during the day lest it prevent you from sleeping well at night.

"People who are depressed tend to eat or sleep inconsistently," says Rego. "Even if you're unemployed or feeling down, it's really important to set and establish a daily routine as best you can. This gives you a sense of regularity that can help with a depressed mood."

If you can incorporate socializing into your routine, all the better.


Avoid black and white thinking
Black and white is great for zebras, but not thoughts. Depressed people tend to think in extremes: I'm a loser. No one loves me. I'll never get a job.

But your thought patterns could put you in a rut or keep you there. "Being depressed or sad is going to color the way you think about yourself in a negative direction," says Rego.

These thoughts can paralyze you and stop you from doing the very things that will get you out of a lousy situation. Try to think in shades of gray, says David R. Blackburn, PhD,a psychologist with Scott & White Hospital in Temple, Texas. Instead of "no one loves me," try "lots of people (if not everybody) love me."


Reality check your thoughts
If you're depressed, negative thoughts go with the territory. However, they are rarely grounded in reality.

Once you've identified a negative thought, ask yourself, "Where is the evidence that I'm the most despicable human being on the entire earth?" There probably isn't any.

"You can't just be rattling these thoughts back and forth and saying they're true," says Blackburn. "You have to come up with some solid evidence."

And if you're worried about what people are thinking about you, go ahead and ask them.


Choose smart goals
Select a few simple, straightforward goals you can easily set and follow, suggests Rego. Those goals should be SMART, which stands for "specific, measurable, attainable, rewarding, and time-limited."

So for example, deciding you will have a job by the end of the week is unrealistic.

But deciding to post two resumes online by the end of the week, on the other hand, is SMART. "It's specific. It's attainable. It's not that much effort to do and it could be rewarding," says Rego.



Fake it a bit
Write down all the things you used to like doing that you've stopped doing because you're sad and depressed, suggests Rego, who is also assistant professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Albert Einstein College of Medicine.

That could be going to the movies, socializing with friends, or simply going to the corner coffee shop with a newspaper.

Then, one by one, start reincorporating these activities into your life even if you're feeling unenthusiastic about it. Also, focus on tasks that can give you a sense of mastery or accomplishment, whether it's tidying up the apartment or paying the bills. That can help ease the depression as well.


Don't deny depression
If your present situation, well, sucks, denying it will only make things worse. "Some people don't accept they're depressed and instead beat themselves up or think they're crazy or weak," says Rego.

This may only drive you deeper down, while acceptance can relieve the suffering, he says.

In general, knowing and accepting that you're depressed can allow you to take steps to make it better or get treatment, rather than pretend that everything's just fine.


Treat yourself well
Take a look at the language you use when you think about or talk to yourself and compare it to the way you talk to everyone else. If there's a disconnect, try to treat yourself in a kinder, gentler way.

"We're often kind to everybody else but we beat ourselves up. That's a double standard," says Blackburn. "It would be preferable to use a single standard: Don't beat everyone else up, but get off your own back, too."

Hugo Stiglitz

Post of the year there, py2006!

Shint0

I'm not sure if other people here have been affected by that recent family tragedy. I haven't really been following it in other media but I have read a lot of the thread in relation to it here on Boards. While it does state no speculation allowed I actually think the thread is being handled very badly around the particular topics involved.

failinis

Seen the childhood educational therapist today (to get an up to date letter confirming my dyspraxia) and came away with more than I actually wanted. I need to process it but I am upset.

bridgettedon

Shint0 wrote: »

I'm not sure if other people here have been affected by that recent family tragedy. I haven't really been following it in other media but I have read a lot of the thread in relation to it here on Boards. While it does state no speculation allowed I actually think the thread is being handled very badly around the particular topics involved.

I think it's just a terrible tradegy. Today was the first day I actually read in depth about it both on here and in newspaper articles. It is upsetting. I usually avoid such topics. I just feel sorry for the poor ones who were murdered in their own home. I'm trying not to focus on what type of ife they may have been living up to that point. I hope they didn't suffer too much.

Shint0

Shint0 wrote: »

I'm not sure if other people here have been affected by that recent family tragedy. I haven't really been following it in other media but I have read a lot of the thread in relation to it here on Boards. While it does state no speculation allowed I actually think the thread is being handled very badly around the particular topics involved.

I think it's important for people to be able to discuss such an awful event. When something horrible happens we try our best to make sense of it. There are always going to be unpalatable opinions. I'm glad the AH mods are letting this run.

Shint0

Deleted User wrote: »

I think it's important for people to be able to discuss such an awful event. When something horrible happens we try our best to make sense of it. There are always going to be unpalatable opinions. I'm glad the AH mods are letting this run.

I don't actually agree in this case, Persepoly, as to how it's being discussed on Boards. People are throwing around the word monster, evil, controlling etc. about the perpetrator without actually knowing anything about the facts. In some cases such as this and just in a general sense, who might appear to be a coldhearted murderer may actually have been the real victim throughout their life.

People can sometimes be pushed over the edge and snap as a result of trauma but of course it's being presumed as well by a lot of posters that there might have been an underlying mental illness which is why I wondered if any posters here were possibly affected by that insinuation.

Obviously we can't really know in this case but it would also be tragedy if someone's character was trashed when they may have been the real victim during their lifetime. That type of scenario is not unheard of, unfortunately. I will leave it up to the other thread to continue to discuss it. I don't really want to comment on it anymore as I just think it's inappropriate when none of us know the real story behind the tragedy.

ivytwine

Counselling tomorrow. First session was very helpful, though I haven't made much progress. He has asked me to soften the voice that I use inflict my out of proportion judgements on myself, but I haven't been too successful. Work is horrible at the moment, I'm just fed up and disconnected. I feel like I'm floating up out of myself in meetings constantly lately. Lost the thread of one today and asked a question that had already been answered. Could hear the bafflement in my colleague's voice.
September has always been the new year for me (detest January) so hopefully this will be a bit of a fresh start.
Have been reading all the posts here and while I wish I had the energy to reply to everyone, I hope ye're all feeling ok today.