Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

nothing

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121333419#Comment_121333419

Keep going. Have it too, been through a lot of dose and medication changes. Keep trying, something will bring relief.

waxmelts2000

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121333419#Comment_121333419

same here , I’m on my 5th or 6th full medication change. Hopefully things will get better for you

Bargain_Hound

I had another mentally exhausting day today. I had to take two naps during the day throughout work (while the kids were in school). Not sure if it really helps, as when I amnt in the depths of depression, I never nap.

does anyone else get fatigued so easily from racing thoughts ?

Gremlinertia

Oh yes, utterly draining, been working hard in therapy to try get a handle on accepting it to take the power from it, but it's like poxy exercise, have to keep in practice with it.. I don't exercise 🤣

SuperBowserWorld

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121338360#Comment_121338360

Yes.

The only thing that works for me is to get outside and walk. Not running. Even for 15 mins. If I don't do this I'm completely unproductive the entire day and I just beat myself up more because of it.

And it's not exercise to get fit/set goals/beat yourself up over. It's your time to clear your head. Take your lunch break/coffee break to just walk. Get away from work, family, kids, everything.

So, it's ok to be "unproductive", get out for a walk, by yourself, maybe even a tea/coffee, and then go back to work. But not coffee, if it's going to affect your night sleep.

I nearly went crazy with all the damp and rain recently. Just being stuck inside and when I did go out, it was dark, wet and depressing. So, definitely get out when it's dry and bright.

Gremlinertia

Very true, rest is worthy of your time, some people seem to have no concept of how necessary that recharge time is

SuperBowserWorld

Have a psychologist appointment tonight. Have a load of stuff I've told him before, to tell him again. It's good for working through things, but not for solving anything.

And I feel wrecked and unable to even think or plan anything. I only get up to go to work and that's it. The rest of the stuff is just problems and more problems. So, it's work or problems. If I'm lucky I can focus on work and not the problems. Can't ever switch off. Just more crap piling up.

SuperBowserWorld

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121341226#Comment_121341226

Feel a lot better after talking to the psychologist last night. It's like a weight off my shoulders. Didn't fix anything, but it feels like my mind got to exhale and let stuff go, and relax, if even for a short while. It also helps that it's been dry here and sunny for the past few days. And I spent a few hours last night catching up on work stuff, which made things much easier today.

Harry321

Anyone recommend a good on line therapist for anxiety , self confidence ?

SuperBowserWorld

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121347969#Comment_121347969

I think, if you can, to see someone in person for this. Online for me, is at least is too distant and cold. But it's a good start. You may be able to avail of online, in person, through work at some kind of health insurance discount. I got some sessions in person re anxiety via work health insurance and they were able to recommend someone.

RabbleRouser2k

I've been seeing an online therapist, and it has helped me. I've done in person therapy, and I've done online therapy. And both have been very beneficial.

The problem I've run into with irl appointments is I find it difficult to get to the appointments on time (I don't drive), and asking someone else for a lift to my therapist can be haphazard, especially now the way the weather is being so much of a jerk.

So online therapy has helped me a lot. It's over zoom, so I do see the person. I can check their credentials too. I know there have been issues about places like Betterhelp, which has been covered even in Irish news outlets, Notably that you are more than likely not speaking to a licensed counsellor or therapist. (I know one of the Irish newspapers covered this, but its probably behind a paywall).

Honestly, you have to do what's right for you- if you feel in-person therapy will be more helpful, go for that. If you feel online therapy is better, go for that.

RabbleRouser2k

Been a bit all over the place the last week or so.

A family member is in hospital, a few illnesses that have left them ran down. They're getting an IV drip, with a few different types of prescription medications to help clear up a few health problems. (Nothing potentially deadly, but would definitely have gotten more serious if left untreated). Their condition will improve, but it will take time. We'd had concerns about their health for a while, because they'd been complaining of a few things. They're really stubborn, and had been to see their GP before this, but there may have been underlying conditions. Whatever they were prescribed didn't do much. Hospital has done extensive tests too. No issues with things like the heart or lungs. Whilst I've learned a lot more on their condition in the last few days, in the early days, I was catastrophizing everything. And I still am. It feels like I'm not being told the full story, even tho nobody is holding anything back from me.

Another family member has picked up a bug, or flu, and so cannot go into hospital to see them. That means that I'll have to do it, and get any notes on any stuff they might need.

Tbh, this has sort of left me feeling useless. Couple that with stuff that went on in the last few days (storm Debi, for one) and I've been rather useless to anyone. Trying to keep a sane routine has been hard. Sort of sitting here and hating everything, really. Genuinely feeling like a child, at times. That sort of powerless feeling.

apache

I've started going to support meetings and doing a DBT course and addiction day programme that is slowly starting to help. In one of the groups I made a connection with a lovely guy. I looked forward to seeing him. Found out the other day he killed himself. The news has really floored me.

So after isolating for years I'm out and about every day in the real world mixing with people. It's very challenging. That's where I'm at.

Gremlinertia

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, it's an unfortunate fact that we'll all know someone like that, poor bloke. I hope you aren't taking it too hard..

RabbleRouser2k

As Grem said, @apache , I am so sorry about your friend. I compare Mental Health to an ongoing War. Some times we lose the battles, and sometimes we lose soldiers along the way.

It's very difficult. I hope you have a support network at the moment.

SuperBowserWorld

All over the place here. Too much crap going on. Things are too complicated, expensive and unpredictable. And mounting up.

RabbleRouser2k

Been away for a bit. My brain was just frazzled.

M mother was in hospital. When I said relative, weeks ago, it was my brain not being able to comprehend stuff. It was my mum.

She was in for a little more than a week, and they found she was ran down and had pneumonia. She's had pneumonia before, many many years ago, when I was a teenager, and this wasn't as bad as then. (So even she was surprised.) She was prescribed medication but the doctors and nurses said that if she'd had an inhaler (which she's been prescribed) she'd have probably never gone into hospital. Last time she had pneumonia, she was given an inhaler.

Well, they prescribed a number of medications. She came out of hospital not acting herself, but that was probably because of the multiple medications she was on.

Going in to see her, and coming home, all that was in my head was 'she's dying'. My research while she was in hospital, it just went 'She's dying. She's DEAD!' And I broke down crying in the car, because in the week she was in hospital, I couldn't go in to see her. (My brother picked up a virus, either a cold, mild flu or his allergies, and they won't let you into the hospital if you're under the weather. Being close contact, I couldn't risk it.) We phoned her, but she didn't remember a lot of my calls (the medications again). In that time, I was left to my own devices, which is to say that nobody cared if I got out of bed or not. And in that time I was researching what she might possibly have.

The doctors have suspicions of what it might be. As to what might have caused it, I mean. They've even prescribed oxygen to help her out. Since then, her appetite has improved enormously. Some of the meds she's been prescribed are really strong, and she does feel groggy or ill after taking them. She's been home for two weeks now, and she's improved a lot. But pneumonia can take months to clear up. (It did when she had ityears ago too).

But I've had this sense of unease. Had a counselling session booked for Tuesday, but my counselor had to cancel due to unforeseen circumstances. Have a therapy session booked for next week. Genuinely needed that session though. Been frazzled for weeks.

Gremlinertia

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121440591#Comment_121440591

That's been a horrific ordeal for you. Feeling helpless and in the dark is a truly awful place to be.. I am glad she has pulled through and is home, make sure to look after yourself too, that stress won't have been easy on your own system

RabbleRouser2k

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121440610#Comment_121440610

Thank you Grem.

It took a toll. It genuinely did. My stomach decided to be a nightmare. And there were some days where I got little to no sleep. Or ate very little. I just listened to what the doctors said, when she was released from hospital.

My brother and her both get irritated (to say the least) at me because there are times when I just... I'm not reliable because I'm dealing with my own frazzled brain. If I wake up late, they're angry. I sometimes have to explain myself, but its still not quite enough.

It's reminding me a lot of when my dad was ill. He was terminal, and that was about 16 years ago. So there was this constant 'clock's ticking down' in the back of my brain the whole time. We knew he had 12 months. With my mum, it's me catastrophizing. When she was in hospital, she was only there a little over a week. And she checked herself in on Doctor's advice.

There's a few other things that are making me anxious, but I have to sort of 'breathe' to cope with them, atm. Doesn't help I got a birthday coming up too. (I don't like birthdays. HAven't since I was 12 years old).

SuperBowserWorld

Here's a useful acrynomn.

"A" can also be anxious.

So, if you are feeling any of these, stop and think, be mindful.

Don't do anything impulsive or negative, do something positive and pro active instead. Or maybe do nothing. But don't take the negative path.

Bargain_Hound

It’s been a few weeks since I posted. today has been the worst day and I feel I have finally hit rock bottom. I was here once before and it wasn’t a pleasant time. This has been building for several weeks now and im not sure how I am going to navigate my way out of this supporting a family.

Gremlinertia

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121480161#Comment_121480161

I'm only supporting one other person but sometimes even small things feel monumental, have that feeling today too, can empathise. Do you have any tricks you use for distraction or getting through? Even finding my usually reliable body scan meditation thing isn't functioning for me

Bargain_Hound

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I don't have any specific tricks for getting through, though I do take a nap when I can afford to (Kids in school, partner minding them). It doesn't necessarily help but gets me further through the day. I should perhaps start to practice some more "mindfullness' techniques.

I'm on the fence whether to engage in some professional help at this point though. Considering I have been there before with mixed feelings, I have a mental block as it feels like I am too deep in the dark.

Gremlinertia

I recently finished up with a psychologist and I'm feeling the loss of it.. I'm trying to keep up the healthy habits and thinking but it's very hard, I think I've a tendency to allow myself to fall too far before I try things that I should probably be doing as ongoing maintenance.

SuperBowserWorld

One thing is to tell that inner critic to STFU.

Gremlinertia

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121483795#Comment_121483795

We tried a different tack since telling that voice anything led internal conflict, instead tried taking its power by not caring what it said, sort of along the lines of radical acceptance.. Bloody hard to keep up though..

SuperBowserWorld

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121483979#Comment_121483979

I only recently realised I had huge problems with this. Kinda assumed it was "normal".

RabbleRouser2k

Ending with a psychologist can feel like losing a friend. Sorry for what you're going through Grem. Had a psych end with me earlier in the year (as I posted here) because she'd gotten a new job. Was a tough one. Was happy for her moving up in the world tho.

The inner critic is probably the worst bully one can ever encounter. Because there's no reprieve.

Went to bed late yesterday, like during the storm, and couldn't get a wink of shut eye. Slept throughout the rest of Sunday, and woke up early this morning. A good solid 17 or 18 hours of sleep. The wind and rain was just awful. Lucky to have avoided the incidents like in Leitrim, tho.

My inner critic rages at me- 'YOU LAZY F***ER!! YOU'RE WORTHLESS!!!' And I honestly feel it's correct, a lot of the time.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121484040#Comment_121484040

I don't know if it's specifically Irish or Catholic. I've seen a few folks discussing this, across the world, as well as the feeling of Worthlessness, and putting themselves down. It is often tied in with upbringing, and events that shaped us. Bullying, crap that was said to us at times we were vulnerable (as children, or if a family member was ill and we didn't know what to do) and just stuff that we sort of internalised. I've seen others discuss this, of different faiths and none, and how much of it is tied with events throughout their lives.

Filmmaker Kevin Smith posted a video earlier in the year. And he discussed his own nervous breakdown.

Trigger Warning: He does discuss topics such as sexual abuse. So if that might upset anyone, please do not watch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBvc7Ny4iUk

Something that hit home with me, was the incidents where adults put him down, and he internalised it. That sort of 'I deserve it' mentality. And how he pushed himself to be a 'people pleaser'. That mentality will sap your energy and create additional stress. I'm fortunate to not have experienced Sexual Abuse, but the rest of what he said hit home.

SuperBowserWorld

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121484185#Comment_121484185

Thanks for that. I did edit my comment to avoid the Irish/Catholic trope. Yep, it's much more widespread than that.

SuperBowserWorld

Feeling very depressed and anxious today. Hard to look forward to Christmas when you've a load of problems on your mind. It's been like this for years for me.