Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

mansize

Dreadful day today, well yesterday, didnt fall asleep for ages, then slept most of the day, felt like crap then. Feel really world weary- cant face the outside world.

god knows when I'll fall asleep tonight

bridgettedon

mansize wrote: »

Dreadful day today, well yesterday, didnt fall asleep for ages, then slept most of the day, felt like crap then. Feel really world weary- cant face the outside world.

god knows when I'll fall asleep tonight

I find it hard to maintain a regular sleep routine. It has improved dramatically though. I think it's so hard to do on down days where all you want to do is sleep. Don't put too much pressure or guilt on yourself. It's a side effect of depression and anxiety I feel.

Hugo Stiglitz

mansize wrote: »

Dreadful day today, well yesterday, didnt fall asleep for ages, then slept most of the day, felt like crap then. Feel really world weary- cant face the outside world.

god knows when I'll fall asleep tonight

Hopefully you'll get rest there soon.

frulewis

I have been offered a temporary contract and the anxiety is killing me. I've been out of work since March I had to leave as the boss was a complete Bully and I couldn't take it anymore. I was offered a position in July and lasted an hour had to leave as I had the worst panic attack ever thouget I was having a heart attack. I've accepted this position as financially I just have to get back to work but I'm telling ye the thought of walking in there on Monday is actually like facing a firing squad, I hate this sh*t

Tell me how

frulewis wrote: »

I have been offered a temporary contract and the anxiety is killing me. I've been out of work since March I had to leave as the boss was a complete Bully and I couldn't take it anymore. I was offered a position in July and lasted an hour had to leave as I had the worst panic attack ever thouget I was having a heart attack. I've accepted this position as financially I just have to get back to work but I'm telling ye the thought of walking in there on Monday is actually like facing a firing squad, I hate this sh*t

Sorry to hear that frulewis.

Is there anything in particular which you are nervous about?
The fact that it is temporary could help if you just keep reminding yourself of that.

I'd suggest breaking it down in to small blocks. Just think about the first 2 hours until a tea break where you might be able to get a some fresh air and then the same from then until lunch and so on.

frulewis

Tell me how wrote: »

Sorry to hear that frulewis.

Is there anything in particular which you are nervous about?
The fact that it is temporary could help if you just keep reminding yourself of that.

I'd suggest breaking it down in to small blocks. Just think about the first 2 hours until a tea break where you might be able to get a some fresh air and then the same from then until lunch and so on.

I guess the thing that's most stressing me out is if I don't know what I'm doing and I'm not shown. It stems from the last job I was in the boss was a complete control freak and didn't show me how to do anything I coold motor along myself with some of it but he wouldn't show me specifics so he could call me thick stupid and incompetent when things weren't done. I have anxiety about general stuff anyway but this seems to be the main source of it at the moment. I know I'm overeacting and being silly but I just can't switch my brain off.

Thank you for your advice it's very helpful.

Tell me how

frulewis wrote: »

I guess the thing that's most stressing me out is if I don't know what I'm doing and I'm not shown. It stems from the last job I was in the boss was a complete control freak and didn't show me how to do anything I coold motor along myself with some of it but he wouldn't show me specifics so he could call me thick stupid and incompetent when things weren't done. I have anxiety about general stuff anyway but this seems to be the main source of it at the moment. I know I'm overeacting and being silly but I just can't switch my brain off.

Thank you for your advice it's very helpful.

Not all bosses are like that. 99.9% are very helpful. Forget about him, you no longer work there and he is no longer your boss.

Whoever you meet Monday morning, ask them if you can have a point of contact or a mentor who you can ask questions of as you need to. If they can identify that person then I suggest going for a coffee at tea with them (if you are able to) and at least then you will have broken the ice.

You don't need to do anything until Monday so try to relax over the weekend. I would suggest you lay your clothes out Sunday night so you're not running for an ironed shirt or something Monday morning.

You will meet challenges in the new role, that's natural. Hopefully Monday will start with some form of an Induction where you get a feel of the place.

Best of luck with it.

Hugo Stiglitz

I hope ye all have a good weekend there.

mansize

Today was a much better day

Woke up before 10
Looking at new iPhone

Went to lunch - phone rang- I got a temp job that I had been after!

Hope you all have a pleasant weekend xxx

Hugo Stiglitz

mansize wrote: »

Today was a much better day

Woke up before 10
Looking at new iPhone

Went to lunch - phone rang- I got a temp job that I had been after!

Hope you all have a pleasant weekend xxx

Great news there!

Notsomindful

Delighted Mansize.


Having weird day- had wedding and night away last night.

On new meds, finding myself wrecked but hard to sleep.
Quite annoyed at my brain right now. Fecking negative thoughts.

Hugo Stiglitz

Notsomindful wrote: »

Delighted Mansize.


Having weird day- had wedding and night away last night.

On new meds, finding myself wrecked but hard to sleep.
Quite annoyed at my brain right now. Fecking negative thoughts.

Hopefully those negative thoughts have hit the road since you posted.

failinis

Got myself angry and anxious last night speaking to a brother who shares the same mystery illness as me.
I do have much more severe and numerous symptoms than him, but I have such bad pain constantly and on no pain meds.
He suggested I go see a pain management kinda person if thats available here.

I don't even want to see my GPs anymore here after a horrible and useless appointment a few days ago.

Hugo Stiglitz

failinis wrote: »

Got myself angry and anxious last night speaking to a brother who shares the same mystery illness as me.
I do have much more severe and numerous symptoms than him, but I have such bad pain constantly and on no pain meds.
He suggested I go see a pain management kinda person if thats available here.

I don't even want to see my GPs anymore here after a horrible and useless appointment a few days ago.

Sorry to hear that, F.

failinis

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Sorry to hear that, F.

It will take a few weeks but I will pick up the feathers again to get another GP appointment.

Gremlinertia

I'd say the GP types are just clean out of their depth with you. Usually i communicate with my specialist's secretaries regarding appointments and referral to related stuff. Maybe you can discuss that?.
Amazed you volunteered, fair play for even doing that, i only volunteer for search and rescue stuff sometimes as i couldn't do anything else with my own fear of social settings..

failinis

Gremlinertia wrote: »

I'd say the GP types are just clean out of their depth with you. Usually i communicate with my specialist's secretaries regarding appointments and referral to related stuff. Maybe you can discuss that?.
Amazed you volunteered, fair play for even doing that, i only volunteer for search and rescue stuff sometimes as i couldn't do anything else with my own fear of social settings..

I fully "get" my gps not knowing about CTDs and similar stuff but its other issues they are dismissing me on.

Gremlinertia

Can you contact any specialist directly?. You've been to some from what i recollect.
I hear you with the pain, i've had some bad episodes recently again reminding me how bad the next few months will be, very down and angry due to it.. Starting to make more mistakes writing and typing too which i never used to.. On wait list for neuro, pain therapist should be next month.

failinis

And my hip. Apparently near constant hip pain and it bloody self dislocating and a interminant limp is "nothing" as 1 x ray showed ot was "nothing".

Im just so frustrated. My hearing, my eyes, apparently my brain, my hands/feet/nose/ears, my scalp, spine/cord, my ribs/heart, my shoulder, my stomach, my bowel, my left hip, my ovary and endometris, my knees, my knuckles, my toes, my leg bones, hand bones, genetics generally and my mental health.

All not working and/or in pain but 99% of those are not explained or I can not be on certain pain meds but no other option and no matter how much I push no one seems to even care enough to even see whats wrong. Im not even worth trying to see if its fixable or relief offered.

Gremlinertia

It's rage inducing when pretty much every facet of something like that is invisible. Can you go scream somewhere or break bottles at bottle bank?. They both seem odd and silly but the bottles one is very effective for me..

failinis

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Can you contact any specialist directly?. You've been to some from what i recollect.
I hear you with the pain, i've had some bad episodes recently again reminding me how bad the next few months will be, very down and angry due to it.. Starting to make more mistakes writing and typing too which i never used to.. On wait list for neuro, pain therapist should be next month.

I can contact specialists directly and ask if they are the right guy/gal to see but I stil have to get a gp referal. I will keep trying different gps at the practice till I hit upon one who will refer me on.

Gremlinertia

I'm depressed and angry, mainly angry because i don't want to admit to being scared..

failinis

I don't even know if I am depressed, anxious, scared or just angery at all of this. I don't think I want to delve in to it like that as I don't want to know.

Gremlinertia

I think any illness has the ability to take a toll on mental health, i already had issues with mine before my physical issues began but i can see how much pain in particular made matters so much worse.

Gremlinertia

While i knew tonight would be a bit tough and stressful at work i completely underestimated it.. Just had a particular intrusive thought come crashing into my brain and i haven't had it in eight or so months i'd say.

Tell me how

Gremlinertia wrote:

While i knew tonight would be a bit tough and stressful at work i completely underestimated it.. Just had a particular intrusive thought come crashing into my brain and i haven't had it in eight or so months i'd say.

Sorry to hear that Gremlinertia.
Anything you can target when stress levels might lessen? Just something to focus on getting to that point.

Feel free to vent.

1moo345

I have lurked on this thread for years and afraid to post but feel the need tonight. I have suffered for a good few years from bad depression and the most recent years anxiety also. Over the last year it got to the point I have a constant shake that gets worse when I feel bad, chest pains and I sometimes puke from worry. I have a lot of panic attacks. This has been going on for a long time and with support from my partner worked up the courage to tell a doctor. I was so nervous I didn't speak for a while then when I did I got the usual diet/exercise advice which I have and still do try to no avail. I was told it isn't a medical issue and I need to change my brain. I have been suffering so long that I always tried to help myself instead because I would arrange to see a doctor then get so scared and not go or make up something else. I was prescribed anti depressants and a short term course of xanax to stop the shaking and panic attacks. They aren't helping a lot. This was two weeks ago, I have been out of work since then and I was meant to return today but I had an all nighter filled with panic attack and horrible thoughts. I was really distressed so again I didn't go to work. I have been certified but not going adds to the worry. I can't even think of going back as I will have an attack. I don't hate my job it is very stressful and listen to a lot of devastating stories. I just can't go back but I know it's not the job it's just the going part. Even going out side makes me extremely paniced I don't see friends or socialise anymore. I feel like seeing the GP was my last resort and I felt stupid coming out it didnt resolve much for me. As I said I have been suffering with this and functioning for years but this is the first time it's really stopping me from functioning. I am now stressing about money and this is adding to my worry but I know I can't go either. I feel stuck. My partner is a good support I am lucky for that but is frustrating for him to see me breakdown and not be able to fix it.the only thing I haven't tried is counselling because I have only ever had minimum wage job which makes it hard to afford and I am extremely bad at talking, even to my family or best friends. I tried support group before which was helpful but not resolving. Not sure what to gain from this post a vent maybe or some advise. Thanks and it's good to read this is normal.

Gremlinertia

Hey there Moo, welcome to the thread, you sound to have struggled for a long time before hitting a wall as it were.. You'll find plenty of like minds here so hopefully the extra bit of support and a place to talk/rant/worry will help you in your fight to be well..

1moo345

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Hey there Moo, welcome to the thread, you sound to have struggled for a long time before hitting a wall as it were.. You'll find plenty of like minds here so hopefully the extra bit of support and a place to talk/rant/worry will help you in your fight to be well..

Thank you!

Gremlinertia

You're more than welcome, we don't bite and you'll find that we can have quite a dark sense of humour about things at times too. I hope posting has given you a little relief..

mansize

Gremlinertia wrote: »

While i knew tonight would be a bit tough and stressful at work i completely underestimated it.. Just had a particular intrusive thought come crashing into my brain and i haven't had it in eight or so months i'd say.

Can you do some quick Mindfullness techniques to help?

Gremlinertia

mansize wrote: »

Can you do some quick Mindfullness techniques to help?

Trying my damned hardest but it's pretty unrelenting here this evening. Hoping to tough it through and go to ground on my time off. Thanks though..

daithi7

Good resource here:

http://www.webmd.com/depression/tc/topic-overview-depression

mansize

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Trying my damned hardest but it's pretty unrelenting here this evening. Hoping to tough it through and go to ground on my time off. Thanks though..

well take care.

Gremlinertia

Thanks Mansize, how are you doing?

Shint0

Moo, sorry to hear you are not feeling so good at the moment. Once somebody starts on an antidepressant the doctor will usually tell them to come back in a couple of weeks to see how they are progressing. Sometimes dosages can need adjusting and tweaking if there is no improvement after the first prescribed dose because it's not a hard science. That's often how it works when you start on meds.

If you feel you are not having a positive experience with your GP you could try to change to another although the reality in this country is that a lot of GPs are oversubscribed and not taking on new patients. If you have taken on board some of their other suggestions and still no improvement try to be firm with them and communicate what you are feeling. You could also bring your partner or somebody with you for support as well so they can let the GP know how your life is affected. Hopefully you will start to see some improvement soon.

Grem, hope things improve for you soon too. You seem to be having a rough old time of it at the moment.

mansize

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Thanks Mansize, how are you doing?

Me? Excited about looking forward to my new job- but I can drift from elation to dispear quick enough

I'm not sleeping at night ATM either

Tell me how

Hope the silence today is a sign things are going better for everyone.

If not, I hope they will improve soon.

Gremlinertia

I've gone to ground like i said i would. Only just online again for a bit to check in..

La.de.da

I'm finding this time of year quite trying. I'm very much a winter person but find the transitioning difficult.
The whole atmosphere feels heavy as do my thoughts and body... heavy and sluggish. I'm very dazed and confused if that makes sense.

I turned off all Internet devices last night for hours and will do the same tonight. Actually really helped to be quiet and alone with my thoughts.

Hope the rest of the week treats you all well.

Shint0

La.de.da wrote: »

I'm finding this time of year quite trying. I'm very much a winter person but find the transitioning difficult.
The whole atmosphere feels heavy as do my thoughts and body... heavy and sluggish. I'm very dazed and confused if that makes sense.

I turned off all Internet devices last night for hours and will do the same tonight. Actually really helped to be quiet and alone with my thoughts.

Hope the rest of the week treats you all well.

I hate autumn. I hate winter. Give me perpetual spring in this country. Twelve months of April and then I'm happy.

I'm trying to do the internet thing too, La.de.da. Some days I have more success than others but as I don't sleep very well I always find myself on the internet in the small hours but sometimes do fall asleep then wake up and discover I am still logged on here.

I have a sleep study coming up. Not directly related to my insomniac behaviour but it will be interesting to see what it throws up. I don't even need to use my dawn simulator bodyclock device anymore as these days I'm well awake before needing to get up. I did have some success with it in the past so I don't entirely rule them out but trying to stay positive for the inevitable winter slump I know is coming down the tracks.

norwegianwood

My confidence has gotten so low, it's getting to the point that I never want to leave the house because every interaction I have with other people is so difficult for me, I feel so drained.

Hugo Stiglitz

norwegianwood wrote: »

My confidence has gotten so low, it's getting to the point that I never want to leave the house because every interaction I have with other people is so difficult for me, I feel so drained.

So sorry to hear that.

Interacting with people shouldn't be such a struggle but unfortunately it is for many of us.

ivytwine

norwegianwood wrote: »

My confidence has gotten so low, it's getting to the point that I never want to leave the house because every interaction I have with other people is so difficult for me, I feel so drained.

Ah sorry to hear that my friend. I have often felt like that from when I was like a young teenager, it's terrible to feel drained and irritated by others.

Also I hope everyone else is ok, I do think of you all x

I haven't posted in a while, counselling is going well and I'm negotiating through stuff. I have made the decision to legally change my surname, I have never liked it and it's not a relative's name anyway (long story). This actually has made me feel a lot better about myself. Need to see a solicitor asap.

I have found that Facebook has become a bit of a trigger for me- I think I will start to hide certain people and leave groups. I am on it a lot less than I used to be, there is a group I check in with which is like a balm to the soul (artists and writers) but the feed is awful. Today I saw a thread on the poor chap who died at Stephens Green yesterday and some of the comments were very upsetting.

Work is still causing me a lot of unhappiness, I will try and live with it for the meantime, finding time to update my CV and apply elsewhere is hard. I like my colleagues but I'm not happy with my role or pay.

The man that I dated in the summer with his own issues is pretty much constantly on my mind as well. I don't feel ready to date at the moment and what's more I don't think it's fair... Counsellor has told me that it's ok for me to be upset and hurt, and I need to stop berating myself. I had a dream where I was in a car with him (we've never even been in a taxi together, city slickers that we are!) and he was driving in horrible traffic with exaggerated nightmarish versions of the Luas works. I helped him negotiate a tricky spot and we high-fived and he took my hand and held it It felt so real. Damn my brain.

failinis

Me and a friend had to report a guy to the police today, just extremely creepy behaviour and its just shook me up so much.
I had a similar experience years ago and it feels like it happened yesterday.

mansize

Psych appointment today went v well. Delighted I had gotten a job, said it will help me get more confidence and having a proper routine.

ivytwine

Yay mansize! Sorry to hear about the creep failinis, things like that can be very unsettling.

Just found out my landlord is in receivership... Mind automatically goes to the worst case scenario in these things

Notsomindful

So so tired today. Fed up of every thing goinhg wrong. I am starting to wonder what i have done in a past life.

Aaaaaaaah!
/rant

Have a good day peeps

Shint0

mansize wrote: »

Psych appointment today went v well. Delighted I had gotten a job, said it will help me get more confidence and having a proper routine.

Congrats on that, mansize. Hope new job goes well for you. It's always good to get a break.

Gremlinertia

Back from hiding on my days off. How are ye?.