Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

failinis

Angry, anxious and scared about all the medical question marks.
I know having caffeine earlier today made my anxiety spike as I tend to not drink it (and this reminds me why) but its just playing again and again in my head the possible out comes.
I just want to sleep so I dont have to think about it anymore today.

jacksie66

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Gremlinertia

What's up?. Is there anyone you can talk to or do you want to chat here?.

jacksie66

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Gremlinertia

Are you seeing a doctor or getting any help?. Seems like you could do with a talk to someone. Maybe write some stuff down too.

jacksie66

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Gremlinertia

If you had a broken leg they wouldn't tell you to 'get over it' :mad:
Go to your doc and talk it out with them, you need a more understanding ear.

Esel

Right now, or later, you can talk to someone from the Samaritans by calling 116123. It's free.

Make that call. They are there 24/7/365.

Also, as Grem said, talk to your doctor/GP. If you don't have one (a GP) yet, go to the nearest / handiest one. If not, or if it's really bad, go to the nearest hospital with an A&E dept.

Things get better. Give it time.

jacksie66

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Esel

jacksie66 wrote: »

I've been giving it time. It's just got worse, to a point that I feel I'm beyond fixing..

Read the rest of my post again!

Everyone / everything can be fixed.

Car problem? Talk to qualified mechanic.

Personal / human problem? Talk to ... qualified person.

Every problem can be solved, with a positive outcome for all.

Look forward, man!

jacksie66

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Gremlinertia

You've recognised something isn't right with you so as Esel said now you need to find a person qualified to help you. Don't know what healthcare is like there but it can't be any worse than here!. Help is out there when you can face it..

BaaLamb

I'm sorry you are feeling so awful @jacksie66 I just did a quick google and came up with this website for NZ https://www.mentalhealth.org.nz/get-help/in-crisis/helplines/ Looks like there are a few options there for people to talk to so I'd urge you to try getting some help if you are feeling that low. I know you are feeling like ****e now but there is hope and you can get better.

Tell me how

It does get better Jacksie66.

I'd like to echo what other posters are saying. It needs professional help and starting with a GP is the best place. Using helplines is also very good and can really help to lift someone out of the very dark place.

Several people posting here can empathise with exactly what you mean when you say it feels like it will never get better. It can feel like that but it truly can get better.

Hope you get some rest tonight and get on Ok at work tomorrow.

trixychic

jacksie66 wrote: »

I've been giving it time. It's just got worse, to a point that I feel I'm beyond fixing..

Jacksie I have been there. Locking myself in my house and crying day in day out when I wasn't sleeping.

You are NOT beyond fixing. And what's more is that you are WORTH fixing. There are people out there who care about you.

Please get some help. Don't go to work tomorrow. Call in sick. Call in sick all week if you have to.

If you get help things will get better. So much better. And you will begin to feel happy. Your head will clear and you will start to see a way forward again.

You are worth that!!! You deserve a chance. Please make a phone call.

Thinking of you. Xxx and sending hugs.

mansize

Pretty anxious in work today 😖

BaaLamb

I haven't posted in a while myself but I have been reading and silently supporting everyone who has needed it.

I'm very anxious today after a relatively good period over the last few weeks. I don't know why today is so bad but it is. Waves of hopelessness washing over me again. OH had a few interviews at the beginning of the month so we're waiting to hear on whether he is going to be offered anything - that is definitely making me super anxious.

I've been doing freelance work and am pretty busy but of course I've not been paid for anything yet so that is a strain and worry. Especially since I was honest and went to social welfare and told them about the opportunities so they suspended my jobseekers allowance pending review by inspector. I was on reduced JSA anyway but still it was some money coming into the house. I've also been offered a few hours PAYE work (less than 2 days per week) so probably start that in October. The work stuff is positive but it still not regular or enough money to replace two PAYE salaries and I'm still terrified of ending up homeless. Yeah that is really worrying me today and is affecting me being able to actually do the work I need to do. Vicious bloody circle eh?

I wish I could wake up someday and not feel afraid.

BaaLamb

mansize wrote: »

Pretty anxious in work today 😖

Sympathies from me and hugs if you'll accept them. Anxiety is so hard to deal with.

Shint0

It's still good progress, BaaLamb. You have made some very positive strides and hopefully you will get paid soon. Well done

trixychic

Guys feeling a bit... well basically like I'm letting my family down.

So I got a diagnosis (dx) for our eldest. He has SPD (sensory disorder) and aspergers and I think there many be anxiety there too. He's only 7.

My hubby has started working. 6 days a wk from 7-6. And both our boys are in school 5 days a wk.

I have went from a nice cushy life and sleeping in til 10 to gettin up at 6am to drop hubby to work. He was always home to help with anxiety but now he's gone.

So I have gone all misty and energy level is "running on fumes". But the thing is, this weekend he ended up tidying the house on Sun because I just can't seem to get into it. I'm sitting here looking at what needs to be done, saying I need to do it... but i can't move.

I'm getting our sons to school with lunch, homework done and boys dinner done. But as for washing clothes, folding and putting away, keeping up with cleaning bathrooms, floors, etc AND cooking Hubbys dinner is just not happening.

Has anyone experienced this?? Any tips for me?? I just feel like its so unfair on hubby.

Esel

BaaLamb wrote: »

... I wish I could wake up someday and not feel afraid.

You have come far. Farther than you realise right now.

Esel

trixychic wrote: »

Guys feeling a bit... well basically like I'm letting my family down.

...

I just feel like its so unfair on hubby.

No, you are not letting anybody down. See who you are keeping up? Your family, that's who.

No, it is not unfair. It sounds like teamwork to me.

trixychic

Esel wrote: »

No, you are not letting anybody down. See who you are keeping up? Your family, that's who.

No, it is not unfair. It sounds like teamwork to me.

Thanks Esel. I find others to see it like that. My next door neighbour is like a stepford wife. Her house is immaculate and she always had big roast dinners ready for her hubby.

She really nice now. We're great friends.... but i hate her for how awesome the house is. Ha. It's hard not to compare!!!

BaaLamb

It's still good progress, BaaLamb. You have made some very positive strides and hopefully you will get paid soon. Well done

Esel wrote: »

You have come far. Farther than you realise right now.

Thank you for the support and encouragement Shint0 and Esel. Just having a bit of a rough day today. I just made myself go for a walk and have a coffee and it has picked me up a little bit.

BaaLamb

trixychic wrote: »

Guys feeling a bit... well basically like I'm letting my family down.

So I got a diagnosis (dx) for our eldest. He has SPD (sensory disorder) and aspergers and I think there many be anxiety there too. He's only 7.

My hubby has started working. 6 days a wk from 7-6. And both our boys are in school 5 days a wk.

I have went from a nice cushy life and sleeping in til 10 to gettin up at 6am to drop hubby to work. He was always home to help with anxiety but now he's gone.

So I have gone all misty and energy level is "running on fumes". But the thing is, this weekend he ended up tidying the house on Sun because I just can't seem to get into it. I'm sitting here looking at what needs to be done, saying I need to do it... but i can't move.

I'm getting our sons to school with lunch, homework done and boys dinner done. But as for washing clothes, folding and putting away, keeping up with cleaning bathrooms, floors, etc AND cooking Hubbys dinner is just not happening.

Has anyone experienced this?? Any tips for me?? I just feel like its so unfair on hubby.

Ah listen missus I don't think you need worry about letting anyone down. Sounds like life has suddenly gotten a lot more hectic for you so a period of adjustment is to be expected. As for the cleaning etc. I wouldn't worry about it, you've got the important stuff sorted and your boys are far more important than a dirty bathroom.

Meh, over the last few years I've been working so much that OH pretty much took over all the cooking. The cleaning is totally hit and miss to be honest, my kids are old enough to help out with housework so on the weekend they all do some cleaning. I'm sure there are others out there who are super organised (like your lovely neighbour) and may have tips as to how you can get everything done but I reckon you should just not be bothered about it. You struggle with anxiety, you have a son with SPD, a husband who works long hours six days per week and another younger child to care for. Sounds like you have plenty to be dealing with as it is and you are doing a fine job.

trixychic

BaaLamb wrote: »

Ah listen missus I don't think you need worry about letting anyone down. Sounds like life has suddenly gotten a lot more hectic for you so a period of adjustment is to be expected. As for the cleaning etc. I wouldn't worry about it, you've got the important stuff sorted and your boys are far more important than a dirty bathroom.

Meh, over the last few years I've been working so much that OH pretty much took over all the cooking. The cleaning is totally hit and miss to be honest, my kids are old enough to help out with housework so on the weekend they all do some cleaning. I'm sure there are others out there who are super organised (like your lovely neighbour) and may have tips as to how you can get everything done but I reckon you should just not be bothered about it. You struggle with anxiety, you have a son with SPD, a husband who works long hours six days per week and another younger child to care for. Sounds like you have plenty to be dealing with as it is and you are doing a fine job.

Thanks so much baa lamb. My other half tells me all the time. But I tend to listen to m other ppl more than him on somethings. Ha I'm awful. Hope you get sorted yourself.

BaaLamb

trixychic wrote: »

Thanks so much baa lamb. My other half tells me all the time. But I tend to listen to m other ppl more than him on somethings. Ha I'm awful. Hope you get sorted yourself.

Hah, we all do that Trixy sure why else do we end up posting online only that we want an objective (hopefully!) view of our problems and concerns. Yeah I hope I get sorted soon too, thanks for the good wishes though. I really value this thread so much, I'm so glad I found it.

failinis

Just one of those days.

failinis

Just found out a friend is feeling very unstable and suicidual (not immediate risk) but I am glad they told some one, just a lot going on.

failinis

I've been crying non-stop for the past half hour in joy.

I don't have Fredrich Ataxia, the bloods came back negative.

The letter said I still have bloods to test for further ataxias but in probability, Fredrich is the one that matched me the most.

I'm crying so hard with relief.

I still am upset as I know I have an undiagnosed genetic issue but its NOT THAT so thats fantastic.

I dont even know what to say.

murria

That's great news Failinis! I know you've been waiting a long time to hear that. You deserve a break from all the worry, really happy for you.

Mam of 4

That's great news failinis ,am delighted for you!

It's probably a massive weight off your shoulders to get that result , and tears of joy are always good, and a great stress reliever also:)

No matter what further tests you have ahead , at least knowing it isn't FA will be of some comfort in itself.

Wishing you all the best

failinis

I am just falling into bed - the buzz wore off so fast and took all enegery with it.

Like I have some more ataxia blood tests as a precaution (doubt anything will show as I dont have correct symptoms for most other types) and I have 10 results for CTDs waiting.

But 100% - once all ataxias are cleared - no more neurodegeneratives are "on the table" as options.

Ive honestly never felt relief like this in my life and everyone who spoke to me about this thank you x.

But you know? Like that blood test over shadowed everything. I feel lighter.
Ive still got stuff "going on" - everyone does but this was a huge weight. Just poof. Gone.

Im drained and in shock so good night x

Shint0

It's been such a stressful time for you, failinis. Hope you get a good rest now tonight and you can absorb it more in the coming days.

jacksie66

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Tell me how

jacksie66 wrote:

Well I went to the doctor. She prescribed me some anti depressants and some anxiety tablets. She basically told me what I've been thinking. I need to leave New Zealand and head home. It's no good for me here. At least I'll be surrounded by family and friends back in Limerick.

Well done on going to Dr.
Hope you feel more confident about future.

One thing I would say, A&D can be exasperated by environment (such as you in NZ) but it's rarely as cut and dried as it being the full cause. Hope if you do come home you find things easier.

jacksie66

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Tell me how

jacksie66 wrote:

I think me being over here has a lot to do with it. I'm a qualified plumber and I've been doing it since I was 18 (29 now). I hate it if I'm honest. Never liked it and the only reason I did it was because I was pushed into it. When I came out of school back in 2004 a trade was THE thing to do. My main interest is in tech and computers. I think my career has alot to do with the way I'm feeling and I can change that if I come home..

Again, well done on being able to identify possible causes and to consider solutions.

BaaLamb

My husband just got told that (yet again) he has been unsuccessful despite apparently interviewing very well. I'm sitting here crying my eyes out as I'm terrified he is never going to work again (he'll be 51 soon) and that all the pressure will always be on me. I don't know if I can keep going with the freelance stuff at the current pace and even if I do I won't earn enough to cover two salaries. I'm sick of him getting so close only to miss out at the end and the lack of feedback on why he misses out is so infuriating. We're both so demoralised at this stage plus my stupid depression makes everything seem much worse. I'm so afraid again today.

kodaline78

Hi there, I am a guy in his late thirties who has suffered from depression and anxiety since i was a child. I have been on medication for the last 10 years and while this has made a big difference to my life in terms of how i feel on a daily basis and has stabillised my mood. I am in a relatively good place overall now. It is the job situation that has me perplexed. I have never being able to hold down a job which were mainly in the teaching profession but also part time jobs and seasonal jobs. I have now decided to go in another career direction and am currently doing a part time evening course.However I lack drive and motivation and find it difficult to concentrate for a short time span. What worries in one sense is that I'm not panicking about the situation its like I have now accepted that i will never be able to hold down a job the best i can hope for is illness benefit and part time work. As a child i was spoiled and was very sensitive and havent really been able to cope with the stresses and strains of life in general. The longest I have gone without a depressive episode would be 12 months and I notice that as I get older they are getting progressively worse. What i am asking is how long do you keep getting back on the horse in regard to jobs that you ultimately leave because you become some so unwell and overwhelmed. Part of me is lazy and when I was asked BY my best mate what I wanted to do after college my response was " as little as fecking possible" which was said in jest but had an element of truth about it. You see the only way i managed to get a degree in college was that nearly all my assignment were done for me by various people and i spent months not being able to attend lectures due to mental illness. So in effect there was no feeling of pride or satisfaction at receiving my degree, because i was totally at sea. Anyway wondering if any one has advice, suggestions or personal experience. What is really strange is when i was asked by a career consultant what career area i would have a passion for i couldnt think of any had to make one up. PS I know this post is all over the place.

Shint0

Kodaline that's a very brave and open post. I recognise it was very difficult for you to open up and be so honest. Have you had a formal diagnosis and a thorough mental health evaluation? As well as having major depressive espisodes other persistent depressive related conditions exist even when the major depressive episode has passed. Some doctors have very different views on how best to approach persistent underlying depression which might be considered low grade depression but in some cases can cause more functional impairment than a major episode.

Tell me how

BaaLamb wrote:

My husband just got told that (yet again) he has been unsuccessful despite apparently interviewing very well. I'm sitting here crying my eyes out as I'm terrified he is never going to work again (he'll be 51 soon) and that all the pressure will always be on me. I don't know if I can keep going with the freelance stuff at the current pace and even if I do I won't earn enough to cover two salaries. I'm sick of him getting so close only to miss out at the end and the lack of feedback on why he misses out is so infuriating. We're both so demoralised at this stage plus my stupid depression makes everything seem much worse. I'm so afraid again today.

That's unfortunate news BaaLamb. Could you or your husband contact any contacts ye have and ask for leads to roles. Are there any companies you feel would be a perfect fit? If so, could you consider contacting them directly even if they're not currently advertising?

BaaLamb

Tell me how wrote: »

That's unfortunate news BaaLamb. Could you or your husband contact any contacts ye have and ask for leads to roles. Are there any companies you feel would be a perfect fit? If so, could you consider contacting them directly even if they're not currently advertising?

Hi Tell me how,

He has been trying to do exactly as you describe with very little success to be honest. He has been trying to use networking for months now and really isn't getting anywhere much. I've been concerned all along that his age is a problem and I'm really beginning to wonder if I am right to be worried about it. The other really frustrating thing is the lack of decent feedback as to why he was unsuccessful. He feels like they just string him along and waste his time but I said why would they do that?

We went to MABS today as we are trying to be proactive and not get into debt if we can help it at all. The lady was very nice and helpful but it was still quite grim if you know what I mean. We have to go back again at the end of next month. It sounds like a very good service though as they will provide us with a financial plan. Fingers crossed I continue to get work in.

BaaLamb

Hi Kodaline78, welcome to the thread. I'd echo Shint0 and ask if you have had a mental health evaluation? It is probably a good place to start if you haven't. What you describe sounds to me like how I feel when the worst of my depression has lifted but I'm left instead with this feeling that I'm lost or drifting and I can't raise the energy or will to battle it. I don't know if that is akin to what you're describing but that is what your description sounded like to me.

Keep posting on this thread if you need support. I've had great help here over the last couple of months.

failinis

Still don't feel like the news was real.
I feel lighter? I never felt how heavy the weight was on me before.
Obviously I still have another few rare ataxia blood results to wait for and then other blood tests but I feel hopeful.
Just mad, the air has settled, barely any of my friends/parents/family have mentioned it to me, as its now "nothing" but I feel like I need time to recover from what the stress has done to myself.

Really struggling with my first few weeks back at Uni but I feel its just teething problems and I will settle in soon enough?
Think my "precious" camera has broken which is slightly upsetting but I will open her up tomorrow but its a non repairable camera.
Not the worst thing in the world to happen but it does mean a lot to me.

Slightly concerned for a friend of mine, just keeping an eye out for her now.

ivytwine

Been a while since I checked in.

Failinis I'm delighted that it's not ataxia. Fingers crossed for all the rest of your tests and hope you are feeling a little better. Hope your friend will be ok too.

BaaLamb, hugs to you and your hubby.

Kodaline, you're brave for posting and I hope this will be a step for you to get professional help. It's so scary but I promise it will be the best step you ever take.

Hugs to everyone else too.

I've started applying for other jobs and I've stopped giving a ****e about what happens here. The place is basically on fire and I was taking way too much on and worrying as well. Literally doing only my own job now. And all the bull can feck off.

Started writing in earnest so that's a huge help. Counselling has been very helpful so far but I think there are underlying issues from my childhood that I need to address but I'm a little scared of doing so. I've only got two free sessions left and I feel I'll need more. But I need to address this stuff otherwise it'll keep coming back. I mean the depression/anxiety will probably keep coming back anyway but I need to get this stuff sorted for once and for all.

Shint0

BaaLamb wrote: »

The other really frustrating thing is the lack of decent feedback as to why he was unsuccessful. He feels like they just string him along and waste his time but I said why would they do that?

Does he ask directly for more feedback or just goes by what they tell him when they say he didn't get the job and he just leaves it at that? He should ask the HR Dept or the person who interviewed him for more specific feedback. He could also request the interview notes from the interview. While the notes generally won't say exactly why someone didn't get a job they are often broken down into relevant areas of experience and skill required for the job and might be scored out of five or ten, for example. This might give him a better idea of why he's not being successful.

Of course there can often be hidden reasons which won't be disclosed such as age, for example, where some companies prefer to choose a younger candidate so they can mould them more easily to the position and the company but that can often depend on the type of industry. Keep your spirits up as you are doing really well yourself.

BaaLamb

Shint0 wrote: »

Does he ask directly for more feedback or just goes by what they tell him when they say he didn't get the job and he just leaves it at that? He should ask the HR Dept or the person who interviewed him for more specific feedback. He could also request the interview notes from the interview. While the notes generally won't say exactly why someone didn't get a job they are often broken down into relevant areas of experience and skill required for the job and might be scored out of five or ten, for example. This might give him a better idea of why he's not being successful.

Of course there can often be hidden reasons which won't be disclosed such as age, for example, where some companies prefer to choose a younger candidate so they can mould them more easily to the position and the company but that can often depend on the type of industry. Keep your spirits up as you are doing really well yourself.

He was put forward for these jobs through an agency and when they told him he hadn't been successful he asked them to go back and find out more about why not. They weren't really helpful and the information they came back with was very unsatisfactory. He had been told he'd done great interviews and he was put through the phone screening that this company are particularly well known for and told he had passed that. Then it appears some other CVs came in and they decided they were better qualified for the role and that they wouldn't offer him the job. He felt that was a very weak excuse as they felt he was suitable for the role when they interviewed him and moved him forward to next stage so that why he feels they may be lying. I don't know what to think.

I'm worried about hubby as he is a quiet person who doesn't talk much about his feelings and he is very angry and upset at this latest setback so my concern is for his mental health to be honest. He doesn't have a lot of friends and I'm worried he needs to talk to a friend to help cope with this setback and the general crappiness of being unemployed particularly given the fact I'm also unemployed.

I had a meeting yesterday with a company located approximately 4 hours from where we live, they were interested in my CV and they do have a job to fill. Not sure that I am quite what they are looking for after meeting with them but on the slim chance they might offer me a job then it would require a move for me at least in the short-term and whole family in long-term. I want to be offered the job from a point of view of personal and professional pride but being offered it opens up a whole can of worms in terms of affording to live apart, living apart and the reaction of the kids to yet another possible move. Life and its complexities just totally overwhelm me sometimes. Yesterday I took an Ativan, today I may have to do the same.

Apologies for the essay.

Wanderer78

BaaLamb wrote:

We went to MABS today as we are trying to be proactive and not get into debt if we can help it at all. The lady was very nice and helpful but it was still quite grim if you know what I mean. We have to go back again at the end of next month. It sounds like a very good service though as they will provide us with a financial plan. Fingers crossed I continue to get work in.

Mabs is a very good service, I know people that would have been lost without them. Best of luck with things

BaaLamb

Having a really bad day today. Crying, Hopeless