Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

Tell me how

mg1982 wrote:

Starting on venlafaxine tomorrow but im worried about side effects. Man growing up as a kid i never knew life was going to be this hard i just feel so out of place and disconnected from everything even myself.

Well hopefully the benefits of the meds will outweigh any negative side effects. I was on Venlafaxine and didn't find the side effects too severe.

1moo345 wrote:

Appearantly not a good day for anyone. Feel desperate

Anything in particular 1moo345?

BaaLamb

mg1982 wrote: »

Starting on venlafaxine tomorrow but im worried about side effects. Man growing up as a kid i never knew life was going to be this hard i just feel so out of place and disconnected from everything even myself.

I take venlafaxine, this is my second time on it and I can honestly say I have had no side effects while on it. I take it morning and evening now and it really helped me deal with the appalling low I was feeling every morning. Try not to worry about side effects and just give it a go Let us know how you are getting on with it.

BaaLamb

trixychic wrote: »

He is fantastic. When I need to walk anywhere hr puts my hand on his shoulder and guides me, he made him and his brother brekky this morning. And he has ASD. But I can really trust him. He's such a great boy!!!

Ha also when I'm going toilet (parents have no privacy whatsoever) if I sound like I'm in pain, both my boys come running to cuddle me and rub my back. 7 and 4 and already caring for their mother. Oh God!!! Ha.

Hi Trixychic, how are you feeling today? I hope the kidney infection has cleared up and you are feeling a lot better. Your seven year old sounds like a lovely little boy, in fact both both sound like they are kind, thoughtful little boys and a credit to their parents.

I'm still a bit up and down myself, psychiatrist wanted to add another anti-depressant in for me to take but I resisted for now as I don't think it really will be more medication that sorts me out. I just need life to give us a bit of a break and OH to get a half decent job to take some pressure off me. I feel really bad for OH too as his confidence is really taking a beating at the moment. On top of that his very elderly parents, who live in UK,are rapidly declining in health at the moment and he has been, understandably, very upset about them. So all in all I guess life continues to be pretty tough and challenging which doesn't help my mental health. Constant struggle really.

BaaLamb

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Not a good day. Stressed and drained more than usual.

Hope today is a better day. Some days are just particularly crappy.

trixychic

I spent last night in A&E with pain. Turns out i OD'd on pain killers trying to get rid of the kidney infection. Which turned out to be a bladder infection that sent my body into spasms. So much pain!!! Got released at 6am this morning with anti spasmic meds and a very strong antibiotic.

But I spent all night in a trolley in a&e. A guy came in who'd OD on drugs and when they revived him he was walking around asking for a smoke or a pack of rolos. He even was talking to me and my OH. Then another guy came in who was stabbed and he died about 7ft away from me. Traumatic night!!! Feelig weird today.

BaaLamb

That sounds pretty full on. I hope the pain meds and antibiotics work well for you now you poor thing. Rest up as much as you can, stay warm and plenty of fluids!

Gremlinertia

Oh my jaysis Trixy, all the thoughts your way that's crazy stuff.

Cody montana

Well I've been on the happy pills for three months now.
Three months after nearly ending it all I'm getting back to my old self.
I've started new hobbies and am enjoying things that were pointless to me before.

No one knows what I did and that I'm on antidepressants.
I'm happy keeping it that way.
I realise alcohol was also a Huge problem.
Onwards and upwards.
Life can be bright again.

Tell me how

Cody montana wrote:

No one knows what I did and that I'm on antidepressants. I'm happy keeping it that way. I realise alcohol was also a Huge problem. Onwards and upwards. Life can be bright again.

Delighted to read a post like this.
Well done.
Thanks for posting.

Gremlinertia

Cody that was lovely to read and i'm delighted you're recovering so well.. This thread can seem a bit dark at times, thanks for reminding us all about the possibilities

trixychic

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Oh my jaysis Trixy, all the thoughts your way that's crazy stuff.

It really was crazy. It was even on the news. It has totally shook me now. I don't know why but feeling very stunned all today.

As for the pain in on the mend. Plenty of resting and water. Sick of waterwith the amount in drinking now.

Gremlinertia

Glad you are physically recovering, as for the rest, take your time that would have taken a lot out of anyone.. Be nice to yourself and get a lot of rest..

trixychic

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Glad you are physically recovering, as for the rest, take your time that would have taken a lot out of anyone.. Be nice to yourself and get a lot of rest..

Gonna try to. Thanks Guys. Hope everyone here is ok. Prob won't be of great use to any of you now for the next few days.

failinis

Just stressed myself out with thoughts as always.
Will I be a failed artist, will I pass my degree, will I go to Ireland again or stay away, will I need to go to court over stalker, am I seriously ill, how long do my tests result come back, will I ever get a job, will I be homeless, how long would I be able to stay at home, will I have a pension, will I be able to have normal relationships again. etc

Like - see how silly and blown up it is?

Been in pain with IBS and joints and other things the past few days.
I am also thinking i am coming down with an illness (cold/flu/ear ache) etc but its only starting off.

Feel behind in my college projects and stressed and no time for dr appointments all week due to uni work.

Someone told me I worry too much about my friend but they don't understand - the more I think about someone elses problems the less time I have for mine.

Gremlinertia

Very hard to know what's beneficial sometimes. In a bad way this evening, head is just a mess.. I know it's bad when a few people i don't know ask if i'm ok or look at me strangely, just going to cling on to tangible things i hope it passes..

bridgettedon

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Very hard to know what's beneficial sometimes. In a bad way this evening, head is just a mess.. I know it's bad when a few people i don't know ask if i'm ok or look at me strangely, just going to cling on to tangible things i hope it passes..

I don't know if this in anyway helps but strangers cared enough to look at you and ask if eveything was alright. I know it's probably awful at the time but sometimes I feel better from little things that other people do or say. Besides that I hope everone has a relatively peaceful night and week ahead of them.

trixychic

failinis wrote: »

Just stressed myself out with thoughts as always.
Will I be a failed artist, will I pass my degree, will I go to Ireland again or stay away, will I need to go to court over stalker, am I seriously ill, how long do my tests result come back, will I ever get a job, will I be homeless, how long would I be able to stay at home, will I have a pension, will I be able to have normal relationships again. etc

Like - see how silly and blown up it is?

I totally get that. Only I'm like... will I be able to keep my 2 boys safe?? What if Yellowstone park erupts?? How do I keep them alive??? What if there is a zombie/biological outbreak??? How do I keep them alive??? What if that effing cliff in the caneriesfalls off and Ireland is swallowed in a humongous tidal wave?? How do I keep them alive???

I swear I have looked up info on how to survive each and every one of these and if I come into a wind fall, ALL necessary precautions for these and other disasters will be built into my house on a 2 acre piece of land.

I know how silly and blown up things can get. And how you lose sleep over things that others call "stupid". But just because they say that or call me out on it doesn't stop my mind from doing it.

trixychic

Guys yous all Seem to be having a tough time. (Maybe there is something in the air). Thank you for staying with us on this page though. It's silly and funny but hearing that I'm not the only turning into a manic raving mad hermit is comforting.... unless yous don't feel any of those things.

Keep on posting. We can get through all this together. Xxx

Gremlinertia

I love your post above about disasters and how to survive, i'm always preparing for accidents and crashes as i go about day to day life.. Monitoring where fire exits are, hammers to break glass on buses, extinguishers in buildings and even being very particular where i sit in any place. That's the tip of the iceberg really but as you said it's great to hear other people go through this..

Wilberto

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Fingers crossed. For myself, can't see it happening the way I feel presently, but hopefully I'm wrong.

In times like this, it's just about putting one foot in front of the other and just get through the few days as best and as safely as you can until the dark cloud passes...and it will pass.

trixychic

Gremlinertia wrote: »

I love your post above about disasters and how to survive, i'm always preparing for accidents and crashes as i go about day to day life.. Monitoring where fire exits are, hammers to break glass on buses, extinguishers in buildings and even being very particular where i sit in any place. That's the tip of the iceberg really but as you said it's great to hear other people go through this..

Oh Grem that's just scratching the surface as you said. My family roll their eyes at me all the time. But I can't stop it. I know how to best improve your chances of surviving an avalanche (even though we live in Ireland and I never been anywhere near that much snow), how to escape for dangerous animals, how to escape if I'm kidnapped or how to find the boys id they are kidnapped. I did a first aid course a few yrs back and I kept being told "we're not trying to be doctors here". Its constant.

Now in the actual situation it'll probably all fly out of my head and I'll be useless... but i can't help it.

Hugo Stiglitz

Wilberto wrote: »

In times like this, it's just about putting one foot in front of the other and just get through the few days as best and as safely as you can until the dark cloud passes...and it will pass.

Thanks for the kind words.

Been doing that. Never gets me out from under the storm. Even when I put on a happy brave face, my toxic nature oozes through and offends people. Just sick of it now. It's even affecting my dreams now, so can't even escape it for a nights sleep.

Gremlinertia

Nice post Wilberto, staying the course when the wind is totally against you is doing the best you can until it passes.. Take care Hugo..

trixychic

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Thanks for the kind words.

Been doing that. Never gets me out from under the storm. Even when I put on a happy brave face, my toxic nature oozes through and offends people. Just sick of it now. It's even affecting my dreams now, so can't even escape it for a nights sleep.

Hugo it's not YOUR toxic nature.. it's your illness. You are a grwat person with an illness that hinders and hides your true wonderful self. Remember. The toxic that oozes through IS NOT YOU!!!!

Hugo Stiglitz

Thank you all. Ye are some of the good ones out there. x

BorneTobyWilde

A lot of people talking but I don't see the reasons why . There has to be a reason..

trixychic

BorneTobyWilde wrote: »

A lot of people talking but I don't see the reasons why . There has to be a reason..

What do you mean??? Like what's the reason they are feeling like this???

BorneTobyWilde

trixychic wrote: »

What do you mean??? Like what's the reason they are feeling like this???

Yes
What's your reason for example.
What would make you happy ..

Tell me how

BorneTobyWilde wrote:

Yes What's your reason for example. What would make you happy ..

Thread softly BorneTobyWilde.

I hope you're not implying people don't have valid reasons for suffering from Anxiety or Depression.

Take it from me, it's not a choice.

Gremlinertia

BorneTobyWilde wrote: »

Yes
What's your reason for example.
What would make you happy ..

Well this really is a discussion thread, there are a lot of people trying to work out the whys etc but it's not that easy.. The brain is so complex i wonder will there ever be all the answers to why.

As for your second question, well that's what we'd all like to know!. Millions spent on medicines, medical professionals, books, hobbies etc trying to find out where the happiness is.. It's just too big a question really.. That's why here is discussion, support and some venting.

BorneTobyWilde

Tell me how wrote: »

Thread softly BorneTobyWilde.

I hope you're not implying people don't have valid reasons for suffering from Anxiety or Depression.

Take it from me, it's not a choice.

I'm not having a go trust me. I just think that most people could express what would make them happy, and what it is that makes them depressed. Has to be a reason, or maybe it's just me with the reasons.

bridgettedon

BorneTobyWilde wrote: »

I'm not having a go trust me. I just think that most people could express what would make them happy, and what it is that makes them depressed. Has to be a reason, or maybe it's just me with the reasons.

I think when I was at my worst nothing could ever make me happy. I needed medication and therapy to help me to get to a better place mentally to even consider happiness a possibility in my life.

I can give a numerous reasons of why I was depressed. Does that make any of them true. I don't know what made me depressed or why this happened to me. Maybe for some its clear but not for me and many others.

La.de.da

There are or is no one reason why one might be depressed. A chemical/hormone imbalance in the brain would be a clinical explanation.

Ones life story, upbringing, a traumatic event or non of the above can trigger it.

It's personal to each individual though common symptoms afflict many. The recovery is personal too though many treatments are the same.

When your mind is good you can find happiness in the smallest of things ie having a shower and looking after yourself. Treating yourself to that bottle of perfume you've wanted. Being able to make and stick to a decision.

BorneTobyWilde

bridgettedon wrote: »

I think when I was at my worst nothing could ever make me happy. I needed medication and therapy to help me to get to a better place mentally to even consider happiness a possibility in my life.

I can give a numerous reasons of why I was depressed. Does that make any of them true. I don't know what made me depressed or why this happened to me. Maybe for some its clear but not for me and many others.

So your daily life is fine, you would change nothing, nothing to complain about or get depressed about.

Gremlinertia

BorneTobyWilde wrote: »

So your daily life is fine, you would change nothing, nothing to complain about or get depressed about.

If it was that easy to simplify down to then we would probably have discovered a cure many, many years ago and wouldn't be having this conversation.. Some days i'll smile when i see a daisy on the side of the road, other days i won't see it at all because my mind is overwhelmed, yet other days i'll kick out at the daisy resenting it for for sitting there so carefree..
By the way, that's just my experience and only a fraction of it at that.. Mental health is just far, far to big to boil down like this.. I've often been sat up nights in mental and physical pain wishing i knew why.

trixychic

BorneTobyWilde wrote: »

So your daily life is fine, you would change nothing, nothing to complain about or get depressed about.

Just because your life is fine and you have nothing to complain about does not mean you have nothing to get depressed about.

My depression was a chemical imbalance. I could win the lotto and still be depressed.

I'm not sure you are quite getting the point of these illnesses. It isn't a choice. It's a curse that we can't control.

failinis

trixychic wrote: »

I totally get that. Only I'm like... will I be able to keep my 2 boys safe?? What if Yellowstone park erupts?? How do I keep them alive??? What if there is a zombie/biological outbreak??? How do I keep them alive??? What if that effing cliff in the caneriesfalls off and Ireland is swallowed in a humongous tidal wave?? How do I keep them alive???

I swear I have looked up info on how to survive each and every one of these and if I come into a wind fall, ALL necessary precautions for these and other disasters will be built into my house on a 2 acre piece of land.

I know how silly and blown up things can get. And how you lose sleep over things that others call "stupid". But just because they say that or call me out on it doesn't stop my mind from doing it.

You should see me when I have to fly home, f*ck me, horrific so I am :eek:

Almost everyday its what I posted yesterday, that level of stuff, but the odd times I will get again like the natural disasters, or when I have to go to London its "will this blasted tube be blown up" and fearing terrorist events.
Wont stop me using the tube or buses etc etc but on edge the whole time.
The biological outbreak is often on my mind for some reason?
DO NOT GO THERE about that cliff in the caneries :eek: I thought I was the only weirdo worried about that ha.

trixychic

Failinis well done for going to your classes. You are putting one foot in front of the other. It's the most any of US can hope to do.

As for feeling worried about those "crazy" things. Nope your not alone. As a matter of fact.... you are never alone. Woooooo

Sorry that was a lame attempt at a scary movie quote. I think.

Black Swan

BorneTobyWilde wrote: »

I'm not having a go trust me. I just think that most people could express what would make them happy, and what it is that makes them depressed. Has to be a reason, or maybe it's just me with the reasons.

Depression is not a simple condition as you imply here, rather a highly complex condition that may be attributed to one or a multiplicity of factors that interact to produce depression, including a history of abuse, some medicine induced depression side effects, postpartum depression following childbirth, post traumatic stress syndrome, interpersonal conflict, loss of a loved one, genetics (e.g., family history of depression like bipolar manic-depression), major life changing events (losing job, etc.), serious and long term illnesses, substance abuse with depression side effects, etc. (the list goes on and on).

For example, if a person inherits bipolar manic-depression, simply knowing "what would make them happy" when they cycle down into depression can be absolutely ineffective because it can be largely a physiological condition beyond their control, and not a psychological one. When teen I was bipolar and burned through 2 shrinks along with meds, and thinking happy thoughts or doing happy things or swallowing happy pills did not help me "Out of the night that covers me, black as the pit from pole to pole."

Depression continues to be researched by the medical and scholarly communities, but they have not discovered the simple silver bullet to end all depression, rather some patterns between variables that suggest treatment on a case-by-case basis, but with no guarantees (e.g., heavy daily exercise helped me a bit, but not completely). In regard to bipolar, the literature suggests that some people change physiologically and mentally as they grow and develop, and may lose all or part of the bipolar syndrome, which in my case I lost depressions early 20's, and became unipolar manic.

Since then, and in conjunction with a bit of CBT, I've discovered that if you can somehow channel manic episodes into creative or innovate projects, you may exceed all expectations and drive through to completion with stellar results (drive until ye drop). Then again, and continuing to speak anecdotally, manic episodes can lead to taking on projects that were impractical, or later undesired, so it's good to wait until the episode subsides before committing to a major project; e.g., sleep on it, and if it still sounds good in the morning, go for it.

Does this make any sense folks, or is this a side effect of drinking way too much java a few hours ago? :eek:

trixychic

Black Swan wrote: »

Does this make any sense folks, or is this a side effect of drinking way too much java a few hours ago? :eek:

Nope your good. And spot on. Is java a coffee?? I'm going through an ice cream phase right now to help with my pain. Think it's making me a bit doolally too.

Black Swan

trixychic wrote: »

Nope your good. And spot on. Is java a coffee?? I'm going through an ice cream phase right now to help with my pain. Think it's making me a bit doolally too.

I just love coffee (java), along with the comfy atmosphere of a javahouse, hanging out with friends, while we solve all the problems encountered in our Brave New World, especially after drinking a tall rich dark roast.

trixychic

Black Swan wrote: »

I just love coffee (java), along with the comfy atmosphere of a javahouse, hanging out with friends, while we solve all the problems encountered in our Brave New World, especially after drinking a tall rich dark roast.

Sounds lovely... bar the fact I don't drink tea or coffee. Ha

trixychic

Just had a major blow up at nine other than my wonderful OH who has been nothing but amazing for the past so while I'm in pain. Even with the boys.

He's working, cleaning, cooking and shopping and I just ducking blew my lid at him.

I have no idea why. I feel so down, upset and angry this evening. And I'm getting real bad canin fever too. Can't believe I just did that. The tears are coming hard and fast... which is only adding to my pain!!!! Feel absolutely AWFUL!!!

Tell me how

trixychic wrote:

I have no idea why. I feel so down, upset and angry this evening. And I'm getting real bad canin fever too. Can't believe I just did that. The tears are coming hard and fast... which is only adding to my pain!!!! Feel absolutely AWFUL!!!

I'm sure he understands. Give him a hug if you can or a text if he's not there.

Hugo Stiglitz

Hope you feel better soon, TC.

trixychic

Tell me how wrote: »

I'm sure he understands. Give him a hug if you can or a text if he's not there.

No he's here. He totally gets it and is saying I don't need to apologise and he loved me and its ok and he's cuddling me tightly... All of which just makes me feel 100 times more guilty.

veganrun

Not doing so well at the moment. Had a meeting with my manager yesterday and he suggested doing a training course to help me with aspects of my job. For some reason this isn't sitting well with me and I feel like it's saying I can't do my job or I'm not good enough, which is probably not the case. I'm also thinking "here we go, step 1 in making me redundant".

It's been bothering me since yesterday even though I asked him straight out was there a problem with what I was doing and he said no. He's a good manager, very calm and he broached the subject in a gentle way, I'm just not reacting that well. I start to think "I know I find certain aspects tricky but the training won't help as my brain can't process the concepts and that will lead to it becoming a problem and me getting sacked".

I had a horrible nights sleep, very bad dreams and woke up thinking about this training.

Hugo Stiglitz

veganrun wrote: »

Not doing so well at the moment. Had a meeting with my manager yesterday and he suggested doing a training course to help me with aspects of my job. For some reason this isn't sitting well with me and I feel like it's saying I can't do my job or I'm not good enough, which is probably not the case. I'm also thinking "here we go, step 1 in making me redundant".

It's been bothering me since yesterday even though I asked him straight out was there a problem with what I was doing and he said no. He's a good manager, very calm and he broached the subject in a gentle way, I'm just not reacting that well. I start to think "I know I find certain aspects tricky but the training won't help as my brain can't process the concepts and that will lead to it becoming a problem and me getting sacked".

I had a horrible nights sleep, very bad dreams and woke up thinking about this training.

Sorry to hear that, VR. It's never nice to have stress like that placed on you.

veganrun

Thanks.

It wasn't even that bad an idea but it's completely derailed me for some reason. I guess part of it is feeling that they're saying I'm not doing the job as well as I could. I can't seem to focus now and I'm feeling tired and a bit annoyed/upset/frustrated. When I get like this I just don't want to talk to people or eat or anything. It's stupid that I'm reacting this way over something so minor.

Does anyone else get like this?

Tell me how

veganrun wrote: »

Thanks.

It wasn't even that bad an idea but it's completely derailed me for some reason. I guess part of it is feeling that they're saying I'm not doing the job as well as I could. I can't seem to focus now and I'm feeling tired and a bit annoyed/upset/frustrated. When I get like this I just don't want to talk to people or eat or anything. It's stupid that I'm reacting this way over something so minor.

Does anyone else get like this?

For me, it's understandable to have doubts. I always compare myself to others on some level even though I know (and believe) I shouldn't I still do it. If I do something well or succeed at something I usually feel that that's a sign that it wasn't that difficult in the first place and anyone could have done it.

Companies are encouraged to have employee development programs, even for people who are doing well, it's an opportunity to improve further. A kind of continuous improvement process more so than a sign that something is wrong. This could quite possibly be the case in this circumstance.

See the part in bold above. This is also part of how you feel about it. Try to focus on this element rather than the negative thoughts if you can.