Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

Tell me how

trixychic wrote: »

And mums visit triggered a serious bout of IBS attacks. Had to get neighbour to drop ds to school again this morning.

Sorry to hear that. Hope it doesn't last too long.

1moo345 wrote: »

Meeting with crisis nurse tomorrow, so scared does anyone have experience of this

I don't have direct experience of meeting with a crisis nurse. I do know from meeting professionals for the first time that it can be a bit daunting. Maybe write out in bullet points this evening the main things which you want to say at the meeting and bring this with you. Try to have some idea of what would be a positive outcome of the discussion for you and then try to work towards that. I hope it's the start of some positivity for you.

ivytwine wrote: »

I'm under a LOT of pressure at the moment. Work is a nightmare, moving house next week (and that has been an ordeal, let me tell you). And a few other things. Head is not in a good place.
I find myself getting a bit unkind and impatient cos I'm so stressed and I really hate that. A colleague messed up on something which she'd reviewed three times already and then asked me to change it (just as I was getting ready to leave!) and I just looked at her and said "are you serious?" Felt a bit bad about it, because I do like her and she's a nice person.
My best friend... I kinda find myself holding my tongue with her. She's got a big project on and she's wasting so much time online and getting herself in a vicious circle. It's been hard not to snap

Everyone gets a bit short tempered at times. It's easy to snap and react to something. You could mention it to your colleague tomorrow that you felt a bit bad about it and leave it at that. Still, I think it is no harm to have made a valid point.
I think your friend is an adult and needs to take responsibility for their own behaviour. You have enough on your own plate at the moment. Tell her you just need to concentrate on your own issues until you have moved house and then try to do that.
House moving is recognized as a stressor for a lot of people. Maybe try to think of how you will feel when it is done and take it one day at a time. The house doesn't have to be perfect before you move in. You can do it one room at a time.

1moo345

Tell me how wrote: »

I don't have direct experience of meeting with a crisis nurse. I do know from meeting professionals for the first time that it can be a bit daunting. Maybe write out in bullet points this evening the main things which you want to say at the meeting and bring this with you. Try to have some idea of what would be a positive outcome of the discussion for you and then try to work towards that. I hope it's the start of some positivity for you.

Thanks that might actually help! I always have a fear if I write it down theyll think i am disingenuous or that if it was that bad I wouldnt need to write it down. I know that's stupid. It's a result of the first time I was 100% honest with my doctor. I have a habit of putting on face that I cant drop because I felt if I was truthful it would look dramatic or exaggerated. I am my own worst enemy both ways. Thank you

ivytwine

Tell me how wrote: »

Everyone gets a bit short tempered at times. It's easy to snap and react to something. You could mention it to your colleague tomorrow that you felt a bit bad about it and leave it at that. Still, I think it is no harm to have made a valid point.
I think your friend is an adult and needs to take responsibility for their own behaviour. You have enough on your own plate at the moment. Tell her you just need to concentrate on your own issues until you have moved house and then try to do that.
House moving is recognized as a stressor for a lot of people. Maybe try to think of how you will feel when it is done and take it one day at a time. The house doesn't have to be perfect before you move in. You can do it one room at a time.

Thank you Tell Me How, that's great advice. It's only a room in a shared house thankfully, but it's the second time I've had to move in 6 months, and this time at very short, unexpected notice. Don't you love Dublin's housing crisis.
I think I will apologise to my colleague tomorrow for being short with her, but she is a little bit sloppy sometimes and maybe I've been a bit too soft with her.
As for my friend you're right. She's going through a tough time and we used to do "motivation weeks" where we'd send each other a buck up text in the morning and check in late in the evening. It did work quite well but not lately. Like I'll get a linkstorm of stuff during the day she's found online when she's meant to be working which I've started to ignore. Her whole life is on hold (no exaggeration) until she finishes it, and like when she complains that she can't come visit me or do x,y,z and she can't wait to be finished but then wastes the day doing nothing... it's so hard not to say something. And this is from the Queen of The Procrastinators!

Walter H Price

i have an interview Thursday , i used to be great at the loved the challenge of it etc...

But since my first breakdown four years ago i made a balls of everyone i've had since , i just have no confidence or self belief in terms of work anymore and i'm absolutely dreading Thursday.

I'm getting married next year and this would be a huge step up financhaly the hiring manager has asked me to apply so i couldn't really say no , but now its driving me absolutely nuts i'm totally obsessing over every little detail of it all of the time , i spent hours looking at competency questions and answers last night and still feel under prepared , i haven't slept well for 4 days because of it.

I know if i get it it will remove allot of the stress and worry i have around money but i don't know if i'm blowing my chances already by stressing about it so much. Any body any tips or advice ???

Gremlinertia

Can you approach the hiring manager and say that you are somewhat stressed, underplay it, and discuss it a little with them?. Perhaps say upcoming wedding is the stress factor?.

failinis

I think its the worst I've been for a good few months. I don't want to go to class anymore and was thinking very negatively over the weekend and planning.

Mr Arrior

failinis wrote: »

I think its the worst I've been for a good few months. I don't want to go to class anymore and was thinking very negatively over the weekend and planning.

Keep the head up. Its tough now but the dark clouds will pass. They always do. Just know there is always hope and help is out there.

mickstupp

Today I opened my curtains. #smallvictories

Gremlinertia

I hear ya, i managed to get out of bed, was like glue this morning. This trying to sit with my feelings stuff is damned hard..

failinis

I told the only person I am close to over here (at uni) that I don't want to communicate with them anymore as its not fair on either of us.
She called me out on the reasons why, she was right, she is not stupid, she wont give up but I know if I persist she will give up.
I just don't want anyone close to me as I don't deserve it and it will make things easier. She does not need to know me.

Gremlinertia

Failinis i know you don't feel worthy of people but try not to push right now. You will, and i mean will, feel different another day. Your friend sounds like a good sort, no need to hurt both of you just yet.

Mr Arrior

failinis wrote:

I told the only person I am close to over here (at uni) that I don't want to communicate with them anymore as its not fair on either of us. She called me out on the reasons why, she was right, she is not stupid, she wont give up but I know if I persist she will give up. I just don't want anyone close to me as I don't deserve it and it will make things easier. She does not need to know me.

That is the worst thing you could do. You need support, we all do. If you want to beat this (which you will) you need family and friends.

failinis

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Failinis i know you don't feel worthy of people but try not to push right now. You will, and i mean will, feel different another day. Your friend sounds like a good sort, no need to hurt both of you just yet.

I know I might feel different another day, even by tomorrow, but I told her the same. Even if I change my mind I cant come groveling back, for her to accept me back as a friend - then for me to go do the same again. I cant play with people like that as its cruel. She is a yr above so will graduate next yr then the friendship will break off. I am just breaking it off now before anything happens.
She made me compromise to think about it for a week then decide next wednesday night but I wont change my mind because she wont be going through all of this again.
She said she was writing a letter last week and stopped because she knew she "had" to be there for me and that i am the only person who sees past her depression and just hangs out regardess and all of her friends are distanced from her. So i argued I am just another one of those friends and she should just block me out aswell but she refuses until next week.
Why rely on me. I might not always be here. Invest in someone better.

failinis

I seen my counsellor yesterday and spoke through things in more detail.
I know I don't do physical self harm, but I make friends and then cut myself off as a from of the same type of harm because the salt in those wounds can remain sore for years.

But I also want to protect this friend of mine, and I feel its better if we are just nothing to each other - however she changed things by saying she wrote a letter last week (she was very down and she asked for space) and was going to do something like that but changed her mind.

I feel, for no easy to explain reason, that this is a "bad" friendship, toxic, but I have no examples of how etc just that feel.
Which is another reason to cut it off.

However talking it through made me see that if I cut her off in this situation then she is left pretty alone, she graduates a year ahead of me, so I feel that due to geographical reasons the friendship will die a natural death by then. I was scared I would do something between now and then hence cutting everyone around me off. I don't want her death on my consciousness.
I feel its important to say, she did not tell me that to "trap me", she just said was writing her note and she felt she had to be here for me.
It was not said in an accusatory way of "you need to stay here for me" but she told me she needs to help and be around people to give her a reason to keep going etc and its just how she functions. Which I said is very unhealthy way of working.

I feel its horrible idea to rely upon staying due to someone else, never mind someone like me. She needs a stronger and better person to be friends with and to support her.

I have come to the conclusion to stay being friends with her till she graduates and try and let the bond die naturally at that stage.
Personally I don't want to, but I feel that no matter what I chose they have negative possibilities so I am willing to suck it up and keep in contact till next year.

Im siting deciding if I should go to class or not. I know if I muss 3days with no explanation I can be kicked off, so I would go home and then do what I needed to do. But I don't want "everything" to win against me, I don't want my stalker to win. He told me to kill myself a few years ago and I feel I cant, just to spite that ****.

Mr Arrior

I get what ya mean failinis. Some people for whatever reason don't help ura situation even of they are trying to. Tbh as long as ur not pushing everyone away then you are alright. If you are staying in contact with this person to help them then you are stronger than ya think.

1moo345

Feeling a little more stable today, been waking up at same time every week for the first time in ages. Meds starting to work, maybe?
Psych nurse appointment was weird but went ok nice to have a plan of action. Hope everyone is well

1moo345

Also this is a little bit random but I know a few years ago there was a website it was called something along the lines of 'help.org' . It was yellow and you could post or answer anonymous issues. Does anyone know about this?

Nyctolust

I'm not sure what's worse, the total numbness that left me barely able to move my limbs, or the fresh sadness that's filling up every single part of my body right now and leaving heavy aches everywhere. To think that just 48 hours ago I was feeling somewhat okay for the first time in ages, and was excited for a week off. Now this is by far the lowest I've been since my best friend died almost two years ago.

Tell me how

Nyctolust wrote:

....To think that just 48 hours ago I was feeling somewhat okay for the first time in ages, and was excited for a week off. Now this is by far the lowest I've been since my best friend died almost two years ago.

In my experience this can be quite normal. Improvements often come in waves, up and down. The down times can feel extra low because they can come close on to the positive feeling of the up time.
Hopefully it's generally an upward direction though.

Gremlinertia

Tough week here, mood was off because of sinusitis then heard a few upsetting things.. Usually this is exactly when i manage to ignore my medication but i've got my hands on it today anyway thankfully and have the first lot taken.
Hope the rough days are easing up on you guys, some of you having a right rough time *hugs*

Hugo Stiglitz

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Tough week here, mood was off because of sinusitis then heard a few upsetting things.. Usually this is exactly when i manage to ignore my medication but i've got my hands on it today anyway thankfully and have the first lot taken.
Hope the rough days are easing up on you guys, some of you having a right rough time *hugs*

Hope things ease up there too, G. x

failinis

I don't know if I feel better, I feel numb.

Had an anxiety attack (a bit lesser than a full blown panic attack for me personally) last night, felt like I could barely breathe and my heart so fast I was so scared. Slept 5am-11am.

Severe bowel and general abdonmeal cramps, no idea whats up, I hope it stops soon.

Just disconnected

Hugo Stiglitz

failinis wrote: »

I don't know if I feel better, I feel numb.

Had an anxiety attack (a bit lesser than a full blown panic attack for me personally) last night, felt like I could barely breathe and my heart so fast I was so scared. Slept 5am-11am.

Severe bowel and general abdonmeal cramps, no idea whats up, I hope it stops soon.

Just disconnected

Sorry to hear that, F. Hope it all passes soon there. x

Gremlinertia

Mind is racing away and i can't keep it occupied damn it

trixychic

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Mind is racing away and i can't keep it occupied damn it

Don't know if it would work but i find the puzzle books great. For when I'm really going mad in my head. Things like crosswords or stuff. Easy ones. Hope you feel better soon.

Gremlinertia

Tried some various things and nothing quite holds my attention for long.. Going to try work with it for a bit, see if there's anything in that..

failinis

I dont k owy i kep doing that but i ust dont desevre to keep taking uo someones time when i dont deresevr it. I shoulf eat today but i dont deserve itm ive never done anthing to allow it. i need to push her away ig will save her yhe hassle.

Gremlinertia

failinis wrote: »

I dont k owy i kep doing that but i ust dont desevre to keep taking uo someones time when i dont deresevr it. I shoulf eat today but i dont deserve itm ive never done anthing to allow it. i need to push her away ig will save her yhe hassle.

Maybe we deserve nothing, maybe we deserve everything, or more likely it's in between, beating yourself up this hard isn't useful to you. I know things feel like utter sh1t but equally i know and i may insist on the know that they won't always remain as black. Hibernate. Be good to yourself with small things, eat, shower, watch or read something. Talk here if you feel you can't to your friend..

failinis

I dont know why but I know I dont deserve to enjoy my life, I dont qualify for friends or family or education or good health or food or shelter.
Whats happening to me. I dont know whats so wrong

Gremlinertia

failinis wrote: »

I dont know why but I know I dont deserve to enjoy my life, I dont qualify for friends or family or education or good health or food or shelter.
Whats happening to me. I dont know whats so wrong

When are next seeing a health professional because i relly think you could do with speaking to someone in the field, if it's not soon perhaps out of hours gp or hospital..

failinis

Im not sure when next, wednesday, friday? I have it written somewhere. I can't get to a hospital even if I wanted to where I am living, no buses or trains now. They wont be able to lift this from me.

Gremlinertia

Mess of a predicament, helplines always there for the rant, a matter of helping through rather than over i guess. I hope you can find enough peace to rest..

failinis

I dont even know what needs to be talked over, I just feel like I dont deserve anything and I cant explain

Gremlinertia

That's where ranting in a kind of stream of consciousness type of style can help.. I get locked up and numb and speechless sometimes but usually i can find something i have a feeling about and start with that.. Mostly i write long sprawling letters as i don't really want anyone to see half the crap i spew though

failinis

I really don't know anymore. I just feel so worthless and its just hit me like a bus. I dont see how I can redeem myself because i dont understand what I have done wrong

Gremlinertia

Guilt and shame can be huge parts of illness of any type, perhaps you haven't done anything wrong but feel the need to beat yourself up anyway.. Write a lot of notes to bring to your doc on stuff like this.. I have what my doc calls a 'mood journal' i hate that term intensely but it's what i do anyway because it has helped..

failinis

I was always feeling like ****e down to medical reasons and that was semi logical but this is different.
There is no obvious/clear cause at all. Ive not eaten and I know thats ****ing awful and I have not showered, Ive had about 5hrs of broken sleep and just I just dont know anymore. I dont deserve anyones time or help.

Gremlinertia

Everyone deserves care, we just don't always feel worthy of it.. I hope you can get some rest tonight, that'll help you be easier on yourself..

failinis

its just si hard

Wanderer78

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Guilt and shame can be huge parts of illness of any type, perhaps you haven't done anything wrong but feel the need to beat yourself up anyway.. Write a lot of notes to bring to your doc on stuff like this.. I have what my doc calls a 'mood journal' i hate that term intensely but it's what i do anyway because it has helped..

i was recommended to do this by a psychologist before, even though i didnt do it, i do think its a good idea. please take good care of yourself failinis. you do deserve to be happy and to get whatever help you require. i wish you the very best of luck

failinis

I actually need to see a dr for a physical issue and may have to go to a&e tomorrow to wait a few hours.
I cant talk to a dr about how I feel because they will say I am a danger to myself and might not let me leave. so i would miss even more uni. I have projects to do.

Wilberto

failinis wrote: »

I was always feeling like ****e down to medical reasons and that was semi logical but this is different.
There is no obvious/clear cause at all. Ive not eaten and I know thats ****ing awful and I have not showered, Ive had about 5hrs of broken sleep and just I just dont know anymore. I dont deserve anyones time or help.

I know broken sleep can be so detrimental to mental health. Even at the moment for the last few nights I've really been struggling to get some proper sleep, and I've been really struggling through the days with very unpleasant thoughts as a result.

Also, behind what you're struggling with at the moment, I am 100% sure, is a caring, and loving individual who deserves to live the life of their choosing. You may not be able to see it at the moment because all you can see is the face of your illness but, to echo what has been said throughout this thread, you are not your illness.


Take care Failinis and I sincerely hope you get through this rough patch unscathed, and come out all the more stronger for it as well.

Tell me how

failinis wrote:

its just si hard

You are right failinis. It is hard. Really hard.
Everything Gremlinertia has said is true. There are a lot of people reading this thread who have been where you are. Some are still there. But those that have had the darkness lift know that it's worth fighting through.
All you can do is keep fighting.

Don't try to think whether or not this can be fixed, just know that it won't beat you.

LegacyUser

Hi all, new to this forum. I was diagnosed last year with anxiety and depression and was put on antidepressants eventually raising the mgs to 150. Was having a really stressful couple of years, my dad became very ill and I am my mother's carer. I found the medication eventually helped and I was slowly returning to my normal (ish) self. My doctor has gone on maternity leave and her replacement suggested I wean myself off them which I did. The only side effects I had were electric shocks but I expected these. However my mood has deteriorated and I find myself slipping into bad habits again. The crankiness, lack of motivation and just general down days. I suffer from headaches badly too and these have multiplied. When I told the doctor she said she didn't want to put me back on antidepressants and I should try mindfulness. It doesn't work, I can't switch my brain off and now I'm not sleeping either. I have an appointment with her next week, should I be more insistent that I need to go back on medication or does she really have a point that I should be trying to deal with it other ways? Sorry for the long winded post.

pookiesboo

Hi all, new to this forum. I was diagnosed last year with anxiety and depression and was put on antidepressants eventually raising the mgs to 150. Was having a really stressful couple of years, my dad became very ill and I am my mother's carer. I found the medication eventually helped and I was slowly returning to my normal (ish) self. My doctor has gone on maternity leave and her replacement suggested I wean myself off them which I did. The only side effects I had were electric shocks but I expected these. However my mood has deteriorated and I find myself slipping into bad habits again. The crankiness, lack of motivation and just general down days. I suffer from headaches badly too and these have multiplied. When I told the doctor she said she didn't want to put me back on antidepressants and I should try mindfulness. It doesn't work, I can't switch my brain off and now I'm not sleeping either. I have an appointment with her next week, should I be more insistent that I need to go back on medication or does she really have a point that I should be trying to deal with it other ways? Sorry for the long winded post.

Gremlinertia

Howdy Pookies, it sounds like you've done all the right things so talking to the doctor again may indeed have a different outcome. You know you best so if you feel like you should be more insistent then you absolutely should..
Also, welcome to the thread post away whenever you want, always someone around reading and understanding

pookiesboo

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Howdy Pookies, it sounds like you've done all the right things so talking to the doctor again may indeed have a different outcome. You know you best so if you feel like you should be more insistent then you absolutely should..
Also, welcome to the thread post away whenever you want, always someone around reading and understanding

Thanks! It feels like one step forward and two back but like you said I know myself better and definitely feel as low as I did a year ago. Hopefully she'll be more open to the idea next week.

Wilberto

pookiesboo wrote: »

Hi all, new to this forum. I was diagnosed last year with anxiety and depression and was put on antidepressants eventually raising the mgs to 150. Was having a really stressful couple of years, my dad became very ill and I am my mother's carer. I found the medication eventually helped and I was slowly returning to my normal (ish) self. My doctor has gone on maternity leave and her replacement suggested I wean myself off them which I did. The only side effects I had were electric shocks but I expected these. However my mood has deteriorated and I find myself slipping into bad habits again. The crankiness, lack of motivation and just general down days. I suffer from headaches badly too and these have multiplied. When I told the doctor she said she didn't want to put me back on antidepressants and I should try mindfulness. It doesn't work, I can't switch my brain off and now I'm not sleeping either. I have an appointment with her next week, should I be more insistent that I need to go back on medication or does she really have a point that I should be trying to deal with it other ways? Sorry for the long winded post.

Hey Pookie,

First of all, fair play on dealing with everything you've had to deal with so far. I kinda know from experience that looking after a family member like the way you are can be extremely demanding, so I really admire anyone who takes on that role in a full time capacity.

Changing doctors can always be a tough time. Your old one obviously knows you and knows what's best etc. while your new one is still only getting up to speed with all their patients and may even have a different ideology of how one should treat a mental illness. All you can do really is be completely open and honest with them, and if that means insisting on continuing with the medication until such a time comes where it is more appropriate for you to try and wean yourself off them then so be it.

I hope this helps you somewhat.

pookiesboo

Thanks Wilberto. It took me such a long time to get on top of things that the thought of going through it again is a bit overwhelming but i know it needs to be done. I feel like I'm going down further everyday but I know I felt like this before and it started to get easier once I was on medication, at least once I was on a higher mg.
Thanks for the kind words too.

StripedBoxers

I feel so down, have done for the past few days and haven't really told anyone.

Dunno why but in the last few days I just feel like I am bothering/burdening people when I want to talk, feel like I am taking up their time when I shouldn't be and they have other things to be doing without me rambling on.

Depression sucks.