Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

Snowbites

StripedBoxers wrote: »

I feel so down, have done for the past few days and haven't really told anyone.

Dunno why but in the last few days I just feel like I am bothering/burdening people when I want to talk, feel like I am taking up their time when I shouldn't be and they have other things to be doing without me rambling on.

Depression sucks.

This is exactly how I've been feeling the last couple of days, I really hope you're feeling a bit better today.

Snowbites

Hope its ok to post here I found this thread by chance yesterday. I posted this in PI forum but got no replies...

Dont know where to start & feel a little silly posting here but also feel silly talking to friends or family about this. Basically Im feeling so lonely at the moment and not sure how to snap out of it. Im fed up with how my life has panned out. Been a rough few years following the break up of a long term relationship and I seem to be be making the wrong decisions ever since.
Ex has moved on, engaged to be married, new baby etc, we have a good relationship & Im happy for him. Meanwhile here I am not getting anywhere in life and some days I actually think whats the point of it all. We have a son together so he's the only thing keeping me going but its just so hard. I've been seeing a counsellor so apart from that I don't know what else to do.

If I can add I've recently gone through another break up, still very good friends but he has a lot he's going through so timing couldn't be worse. I've also started a new job, longer hours much longer commute so I think Im struggling with all of this change, I basically just feel like I want to hide from it all.

Tell me how

Snowbites wrote: »

Hope its ok to post here I found this thread by chance yesterday. I posted this in PI forum but got no replies...

Dont know where to start & feel a little silly posting here but also feel silly talking to friends or family about this. Basically Im feeling so lonely at the moment and not sure how to snap out of it. Im fed up with how my life has panned out. Been a rough few years following the break up of a long term relationship and I seem to be be making the wrong decisions ever since.
Ex has moved on, engaged to be married, new baby etc, we have a good relationship & Im happy for him. Meanwhile here I am not getting anywhere in life and some days I actually think whats the point of it all. We have a son together so he's the only thing keeping me going but its just so hard. I've been seeing a counsellor so apart from that I don't know what else to do.

If I can add I've recently gone through another break up, still very good friends but he has a lot he's going through so timing couldn't be worse. I've also started a new job, longer hours much longer commute so I think Im struggling with all of this change, I basically just feel like I want to hide from it all.

Hi Snowbites.

I’m sorry for you that you feel so lonely at the moment. That is probably one of the strongest emotions depressed people feel and can have nothing to do with the number of people you are around or are even talking to.

It’s also common that the breakup of a long term relationship will put extra strain on the wellbeing of those involved. It still is positive that ye have a good relationship, particularly for your sons sake though I appreciate it must be difficult when you see what seems to be all good news for your ex with his engagement and new child.

I often felt that there wasn’t “one thing” that made me depressed. It was several little things that contributed a negative amount of pressure or emotion but when they are all there together it was (and can be) overwhelming.

It seems to me that you have a lot of these experiences at the moment which each bring a little bit of pressure on to your shoulders, recent relationship breakup, new job, longer commute. Each of these on their own can be difficult to deal with, when they all come together it is understandable that it can become a bit much. Even when you add in the time of year and the longer evenings, it is something else which often results in a drop in form for people who may not even be depressed. So, don’t feel bad for feeling so low, you have a lot going on. I think it is good that you are seeing a counsellor and hope that this is working well for you. Don’t feel that you must fix everything immediately or within a specific timeframe.

With respect to your friends and family, you don’t need to tell every one every thing but if you are particularly close to one of them then I think it might also help if you were able to tell them you are struggling a bit right now.

Sorry for the long reply but I think I know how you feel so I hope my words help some bit. There are good days ahead.

failinis

Went to GP, she said my throat problem seems to be stemming 99% sure from anxiety issues more than anything and may take a week or so to calm down.

My Rheumatoid Arthritis factor was apparently higher than average (however these tests are never yes/no - more like possibilities) but to be honest what else is causing these burning pain.

I started crying and could not tell her why so I left.

StripedBoxers

Snowbites wrote: »

This is exactly how I've been feeling the last couple of days, I really hope you're feeling a bit better today.

Thank you, its a horrible way to feel, feeling like that makes me feel isolated and lonely. I'm a bit better, not much but still, a bit.

I think having had the past few days off with time to think etc has caused me to be so down, thankfully tomorrow I am back to work so will be kept busy and focused so I won't have much time to think

Gremlinertia

Pain + stress + anxiety = me in a pretty painful place this morning. My brain is all messy and bothered and almost my entire upper body is a lump of pain.. Once work is over i'm going to disappear for a day or two. Sorry for the rant..

Tell me how

Gremlinertia wrote:

Pain + stress + anxiety = me in a pretty painful place this morning. My brain is all messy and bothered and almost my entire upper body is a lump of pain.. Once work is over i'm going to disappear for a day or two. Sorry for the rant..

Sorry to hear that. Look after yourself.

failinis

Got letter from geneticist (rather a copy of a letter he sent to another dr) saying that as I know, FA is negative but also a bunch of SCA (1,2,3,4,6,7,17) are also negative.
There are a handful more ataxia tests they can do (I don't know what ones they are doing) but I should know soon enough if I have any testable ataxia.

He also said in the letter my bloods are being tested for CTDs but these will take a few months (this letter was dated 2months ago and only dictated/transcribed recently) so who knows when results will be back.
That side of things seems to say that he thinks me and a sibling do have a new syndrome on the CTD spectrum but he needs to test for all known ones before continuing even if some tests seems stupid to do on us.

He also said my ataxia could be linked to whatever this syndrome me and my bro share - but it may be a long time till a link is shown.

In other news my throat is still tight, GP said she is 99% sure its from anxiety and not sure when it will go away.
My hip and toes are aching and burning.

Barely sleeping but I have started to eat slightly more regular.

Sorry for not replaying to messages a few days ago but trust me I read everyone of them and am thankful. My head was just in such a dark hole.

La.de.da

I hope you all get some break from ye're demons lads.
Tough time of the year for a lot of people. Although I love the darker evenings the transition to them does affect the mood.

Been dealing with all sorts of pain and gut issues the last few days. Hoping it all clears up soon for a while. I need to be getting out in the daylight a bit more.

Hugo Stiglitz

I echo what LDD said. I really hope you all get some comfort soon.

My own head is varying from periods of almost mania to the usual bleak blues and fear. Sick of it.

ivytwine

Hugo sorry to hear that. Hugs.

Failinis, I'm glad you posted, have been worried for you. I hope you get some relief soon and the doc has good news for you.

I hope everyone is ok. I've been really, really low in the last fortnight. I think I need to go to a private counsellor over a specific issue but affording that. Sigh.

I think the worst thing about the black hole I'm in is that I don't really feel I have anything to look forward to? I always used to be like "Well I'll get out of this school, I'll get out of this college, I'll get out of here, this town, this city etc" in the past. I've done an awful lot of running and now I'm coming to terms with that this may be my life and I'm not all that happy about it.

failinis

I had a meeting with someone (study support I think) but I got so stressed out at what they were saying and felt panicky so I walked out. I feel bad if thats the support offered and I cant face that then I cant do anything if this

Nyctolust

After how dark and humiliating the past week has been, I was starting to feel just a tiny little bit better today. I was starting to get back into the swing of things and was looking forward to it.
But now I've lost the one thing that gave me that tiny bit of hope that kept me going in life. Everything's in ruins now and it's like my whole life is unwinding. I kept thinking 'Well it can't get worse than it is now', but oh god, it can always get worse and it did. I thought I couldn't even feel proper emotions anymore but now I'm a sobbing, hysterical mess.

Gremlinertia

Nyctolust wrote: »

After how dark and humiliating the past week has been, I was starting to feel just a tiny little bit better today. I was starting to get back into the swing of things and was looking forward to it.
But now I've lost the one thing that gave me that tiny bit of hope that kept me going in life. Everything's in ruins now and it's like my whole life is unwinding. I kept thinking 'Well it can't get worse than it is now', but oh god, it can always get worse and it did. I thought I couldn't even feel proper emotions anymore but now I'm a sobbing, hysterical mess.

I hope today seems even the tiniest bit better, that feeling of being kicked when you're down is so awful.

In more of my self neglect i decided i would agree to help out by working an early shift. So i'm in the office now barely able to put two words together when the phone rings because i haven't done a day shift in a number of years. Idiot.

trixychic

My other half just had another crash. I don't know if it's just normal for his job now or of its just him but in in knots of worry. Apparently there's another guy there who's always crashing. Just scary to think of.

Now no one was hurt (thank god) but it's just more unnecessary drama.

Whizzzy

As I've posted previously, I'm on Epilim (1000mg daily)for epilepsy. But, the side-effects are hell. The pattern seems to be fairly established now.

Every 4-6 weeks over a period of about 5-7 days, the following happens; I feel great - I realise now I'm feeling too good. The world is great. Life is great. Sex is great. Then, I have an absence or a migraine. Then, for a recovery period of about 3-4 days, I am in head-in-the-oven territory. Eventually, the meds (I think) level off, and I feel fine again.

1. If I'm honest, on many occasions, the high period has been helped by a few drinks - coz I feel confident enough to have them. (What's the vibe on Epilim and alcohol?)

2. When I was on lower doses of Epilim, I would (less occasionally) get a grand mal. This "defragged" the hard drive, so to speak and I felt fine afterwards. No depression.

Can Epilim bring on these hypomania-type cycles?

I'm self-employed. I don't think I could hold down a 9-5 job like this.

Any feedback appreciated.

Thanks.

W.

Kurtosis

Whizzzy wrote: »

As I've posted previously, I'm on Epilim (1000mg daily)for epilepsy. But, the side-effects are hell. The pattern seems to be fairly established now.

Every 4-6 weeks over a period of about 5-7 days, the following happens; I feel great - I realise now I'm feeling too good. The world is great. Life is great. Sex is great. Then, I have an absence or a migraine. Then, for a recovery period of about 3-4 days, I am in head-in-the-oven territory. Eventually, the meds (I think) level off, and I feel fine again.

1. If I'm honest, on many occasions, the high period has been helped by a few drinks - coz I feel confident enough to have them. (What's the vibe on Epilim and alcohol?)

2. When I was on lower doses of Epilim, I would (less occasionally) get a grand mal. This "defragged" the hard drive, so to speak and I felt fine afterwards. No depression.

Can Epilim bring on these hypomania-type cycles?

I'm self-employed. I don't think I could hold down a 9-5 job like this.

Any feedback appreciated.

Thanks.

W.

Hi Whizzy,

The product licence/information leaflet for Epilim states alcohol intake is not recommended and also includes some of the symptoms you mention among the warnings/side effects: http://www.hpra.ie/img/uploaded/swedocuments/LicenseSPC_PA0540-150-012_04122015182325.pdf

It would be best to discuss both these issues with your doctor, particularly if they are disrupting your day to day routine.

failinis

I am on track with my children book project but still have a lot left to do before my deadline - on track if I don't stop kind of way.
Essay is causing me a lot of stress, I am going to library tomorrow to start reading extracts from books to get a feel for it.
Throat is still very tight on and off through out the day - pretty bad right now to be honest.
Feel like I will burst into tears at any moment. My physical healths a bit ****e right now which is not helping at all.

Gremlinertia

failinis wrote: »

I am on track with my children book project but still have a lot left to do before my deadline - on track if I don't stop kind of way.
Essay is causing me a lot of stress, I am going to library tomorrow to start reading extracts from books to get a feel for it.
Throat is still very tight on and off through out the day - pretty bad right now to be honest.
Feel like I will burst into tears at any moment. My physical healths a bit ****e right now which is not helping at all.

For me, mental and physical ailments can be very tied up in each other too. I hope you keep on course..

trixychic

Just watched home and away and there is a rape storyline going on at the min. It has just set me off really bad. And my OH is in work. On the verge of tears and my 2 precious boys are here. Help.

Whizzzy

penguin88 wrote: »

Hi Whizzy,

The product licence/information leaflet for Epilim states alcohol intake is not recommended and also includes some of the symptoms you mention among the warnings/side effects: http://www.hpra.ie/img/uploaded/swedocuments/LicenseSPC_PA0540-150-012_04122015182325.pdf

It would be best to discuss both these issues with your doctor, particularly if they are disrupting your day to day routine.

Thanks.

A blood test about 3 months ago found that I have a wheat intolerance (not allergy). I gave it up completely and have lost 6 kilos. My gut has never felt better. It definitely contributed to an improvement in my absorption of Epilim, but not the occasional cold-turkey periods. I am now going to give up alcohol (the tiny amount that I drink) completely and chocolate, and see what happens.

On the information leaflet, I can also relate to memory loss and suicide ideation, when I'm going through one of my 2-3 day downers. (The memory loss is a constant presence)

Thanks for the feedback.

W.

Tell me how

trixychic wrote:

Just watched home and away and there is a rape storyline going on at the min. It has just set me off really bad. And my OH is in work. On the verge of tears and my 2 precious boys are here. Help.

Sorry to hear that trixychic.
Don't know if it would help but could you call a support line.

There are details on the first post of the thread .

DRCC 1800 77 8888

Might help before your OH returns.

trixychic

Tell me how wrote: »

Sorry to hear that trixychic.
Don't know if it would help but could you call a support line.

There are details on the first post of the thread .

DRCC 1800 77 8888

Might help before your OH returns.

Thanks. The thing is I've already dealt with all of this. I was in counselling for 4 yrs and got discharged.

I'm ok now though. Some breathing and cuddles from my boys. I think it was just another anxiety attack.

This is the unfortunate curse I have. I can never tell if something will set me off.... Even though I've dealt with it I still sometimes wig out a bit. Thanks for the help though.

failinis

I know what you mean Trixy - sometimes I can watch tv/films with such storylines (maybe a sick feeling in stomach but thats all) but sometimes its just leave the room/turn tv over days. The mind is a slippery character.

A friend (not too close but close enough one) confided in me last week that she was attacked a while ago (not sure when but at least a year ago) and only her boyfriend and now me, know. She is on a waiting list for a specialist assault counsellor so "something" is happening but slowly.

It kinda messed me up but on a subconscious level, I think it was one of many things that done this horrible past few weeks for me.

I have not been able to say to myself what has happened. Maybe I will go to a specialist counsellor for that - sometime - but I don't feel like that box needs to be opened yet. I feel bad because if she comes to me about this again then I don't think I can listen to her about it. I should be able to relate - I guess thats the issue - I can relate far too much.

Its not my responsibility for others, I come first etc so I just need to take that as it comes.

I hope your partner comes back from work soon Trixy, but you said your little boys were there. Its a horrible when you get panic/anxiety.

I woke up late (I needed that though) and went to library with a friend. She done artwork but I started to read and take down quotes for my essay.
Spent most of my day till 4pm, now very slowly doing some artwork.
I will dedicate tomorrow to artwork for the kids book though - plus I have an article to do for a small paper which I need to start getting ideas for.

I just feel quite down. Not as bad as the past few days - but when that happens I reflect and just see how bad it can get.
It all makes sense to make very bad decisions when your head is in that place.

Invited to bonfire night celebrations on the beach but had to refuse - my joints are aching and my back is sore. The bangs are hurting my ears from fireworks even with head phones. My throat has been tight on and off (anxiety) all day too.

I just want a break from sickness but thats impossible. Need to knuckle down.

ivytwine

Something I also know all too well Trixy. I hope you feel better.

Hope everyone is getting some peace this evening.

Gremlinertia

Same here, the most obtuse thing can set me off, therapists etc have said to avoid these things but i don't know what to look for as i can make connections out of the strangest things.. Oh brain, be a little quieter please :rolleyes:

Nyctolust

2 in the morning. I should either be asleep or writing that (not-yet-started) 7-page essay that's due on Monday or Tuesday or whatever day schools are back open. Can't help but be frustrated at myself for never being able to concentrate enough to just get things done early. The past two weeks have just been getting worse for me mentally and it's starting to give rise to physical complications too. Doesn't help that I've ended up nonverbal for the most part yet again. I feel guilty, and silly that I'm acting like such a child, but every time I try to speak I just get so overwhelmed.

Gremlinertia

Hey there Nyctolust, don't put yourself under pressure to be early, the vast majority of people will do some things last minute at some point, i found with second and third level education that i never did anything until i had to.. You will get what you need done, that will happen.. Try not to place unrealistic pressures on yourself, hope you get some rest tonight.

failinis

I echo what Grem is saying.
There are somethings I do early (normally nice fun things) but leave rubbish things like essays to the last min. You could apply for extra time if you can give a reason? I am in the same situation with an essay and artwork and I sometimes have no idea which i should be doing at what time.

Hugo Stiglitz

My mood crashed big time in work today. Not sure what the hell caused it, if anything.

Gremlinertia

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

My mood crashed big time in work today. Not sure what the hell caused it, if anything.

I had a mad scare yesterday and took everything i muster to make it to work along with optional extra meds..
Hugs to you Hugo it's damn hard.. Ears always here if you need..

ivytwine

Same here. I feel like I will never make progress.

Hugo Stiglitz

Gremlinertia wrote: »

I had a mad scare yesterday and took everything i muster to make it to work along with optional extra meds..
Hugs to you Hugo it's damn hard.. Ears always here if you need..

Sorry to hear that, G. Hope things have improved since.

Thanks for that. x

ivytwine wrote: »

Same here. I feel like I will never make progress.

That's rough, IT. Although it feels like that, everyday we fight this we're making some progress.

failinis

Just odd mood.

Ruminating on medical stuff, as usual, and on plans on where to live in future and also so much work to do in these last few weeks.

Friend of mine is not keeping well either but I can't help that except be a empathetic.

Throat still playing the fúck up

ivytwine

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Sorry to hear that, G. Hope things have improved since.

Thanks for that. x




That's rough, IT. Although it feels like that, everyday we fight this we're making some progress.

Thanks Hugo. I hope you're feeling a bit better.
I applied for a job this evening and played a bit of guitar. So it wasn't a total bust. Seeing a private counsellor on Friday, hopefully she'll be able to help with the trauma issue.
You're so right. It sounds weird but I was thinking on the way home that if I could be totally fixed would I really want to be? I don't know if I'm making any sense it's part of me now for so long I wonder what I'd be like without it.

trixychic

Anyone else completely freaking out about the US elections??? Anxieties through the roof. Not sure if I'll sleep tonight I'm so bad.

And the vibes seem to be world wide. All of you are having tough times. I really hope yous get through it.

Nyctolust

Same here about the election. I've been hearing such awful stories about things happening to minorities out there today already and I'm anxious about the impact all of this will have on the rest of the world. Sure I know Trump isn't going to get everything he wanted to happen, and if any of his plans do happen it'll be pretty slowly, but hearing about his and Pence's ideas is overwhelming for me.
It's just been filling my head all day and I'm already worried about friends I have in the US that are genuinely terrified to be themselves there now.

On a half-related note, I've noticed an annoying pattern that really bad things have always been happening to/around me on a Wednesday, at least for the past month or so. My birthday's next Wednesday and everyone's annoyed with me for not really being excited for it (apparently they still haven't accepted I've been finding it difficult to be excited about things for years) so now I'm suspicious that it's going to be bad too, bleh

Hugo Stiglitz

Mood turned to **** again today. Was ok for a good while but it's dropped again. Hard to even describe it really.

Tell me how

Hugo Stiglitz wrote:

Mood turned to **** again today. Was ok for a good while but it's dropped again. Hard to even describe it really.

Sorry to hear that. Can you pin point anything that might have triggered this?

trixychic

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Mood turned to **** again today. Was ok for a good while but it's dropped again. Hard to even describe it really.

Is it just a "meh" feeling??

Feeling quite down myself lately. I'm just not dealing with OH new job. It's not the fact he's gone, but it's the fact that im up at 6am, in bed for 10/11pm depending on when hr finishes and then I'm driving for 3 hours each day.

All of this on top of a difficult 4 yr old (hes a cheeky monkey and very stubborn but i love him.) And a 7yr old with Aspergers (last night was a nightmare with him) and trying to get 2 seperste dinners done and the household stuff done. I really F**king shattered!!!

And then today I went to the bank to see whatit would take to get a mortgage and its not even a possibility in the near future. Which means we will lose this house. The first place I've felt safe and secure since living in my grandparents when I was 5/6yrs old. I'm dreafibv leaving it owners are selling this yr as they can't afford it anymore (they're OAPs).

If there is a God, please please please just give me a break!!!!!


Edited to add:

Tried to contact my psch team in the day hospital for the past 2 wks but i keep getting voicemail and noones returning calls

Hugo Stiglitz

Tell me how wrote: »

Sorry to hear that. Can you pin point anything that might have triggered this?

Not sure really. A part of it is around certain people. They can be snide at best, nasty at worst. Like emotional vampires. They think very highly of themselves and often imply that everyone else is inferior and shouldn't be there.

trixychic wrote: »

Is it just a "meh" feeling??

Feeling quite down myself lately. I'm just not dealing with OH new job. It's not the fact he's gone, but it's the fact that im up at 6am, in bed for 10/11pm depending on when hr finishes and then I'm driving for 3 hours each day.

All of this on top of a difficult 4 yr old (hes a cheeky monkey and very stubborn but i love him.) And a 7yr old with Aspergers (last night was a nightmare with him) and trying to get 2 seperste dinners done and the household stuff done. I really F**king shattered!!!

And then today I went to the bank to see whatit would take to get a mortgage and its not even a possibility in the near future. Which means we will lose this house. The first place I've felt safe and secure since living in my grandparents when I was 5/6yrs old. I'm dreafibv leaving it owners are selling this yr as they can't afford it anymore (they're OAPs).

If there is a God, please please please just give me a break!!!!!


Edited to add:

Tried to contact my psch team in the day hospital for the past 2 wks but i keep getting voicemail and noones returning calls

Meh is my everyday mood. Haha This is more like a mood of defeat coupled with anger.

So sorry that things are rough there at the moment.

trixychic

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Meh is my everyday mood. Haha This is more like a mood of defeat coupled with anger.

So sorry that things are rough there at the moment.

God I haven't had that one. I hope you get through it soon.

Hugo Stiglitz

trixychic wrote: »

God I haven't had that one. I hope you get through it soon.

Thanks. These things can fizzle out eventually.

Regarding you trying to get in tough with the psyc team, have you tried contacting the hospital reception? Like just in case numbers or extensions were changed

trixychic

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Thanks. These things can fizzle out eventually.

Regarding you trying to get in tough with the psyc team, have you tried contacting the hospital reception? Like just in case numbers or extensions were changed

I've tried every number I have. (Down through the past few yrs) I've tried the team in the main town and my local town. Not getting responses at all.

Gremlinertia

Very uncomfortable in my skin at the minute, trying to distract and use other skills but nothing so far.

trixychic

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Very uncomfortable in my skin at the minute, trying to distract and use other skills but nothing so far.

There's nothing worse. Hope you stay safe. Thinking of you.

Gremlinertia

At home at least, so less risk of weird behaviour, how are you?

Hugo Stiglitz

Hope it passes soon, G. *hugs*

Gremlinertia

It will, i know it must, time doesn't alter for anyone.. Hope you're making it through too Hugo..

Hugo Stiglitz

Gremlinertia wrote: »

It will, i know it must, time doesn't alter for anyone.. Hope you're making it through too Hugo..

Ah ok I guess. Comes and goes. Thanks G