Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

Gremlinertia

Weak enough still, the dark is crawling around the edges of my head/thoughts.. I can be vigilant but not for too long at any one time..

failinis

Feel a lot of pressure lately which I try and block out.
I am waiting to hear if I will slowly be paralysed or not.
Appointment a few days after I land home in Dec and just dreading it at times, but also just want to hear where I stand.
Feels like something expanding in my head, invading every area of my life until I find out whats is wrong, the worry, its invading everywhere.
University work is being done, art is being made, I am existing as normal but this is looming over me and its so hard sometimes.

PressRun

Nice to find this thread.

Have been feeling a black mood building for a while now after keeping it at bay for some time and it finally came to a head yesterday. Couldn't get out of bed. Had to call in sick to work and won't be going in tomorrow either. Can't face it. I feel like everyone knows something isn't right too. Haven't told any of my family, just told them I've a stomach bug. I don't know when I'll have the energy to go in again. Keep having very dark thoughts. I have an incessant ache in my back and head aches coming and going.

Tell me how

PressRun wrote:

Have been feeling a black mood building for a while now after keeping it at bay for some time and it finally came to a head yesterday. Couldn't get out of bed. Had to call in sick to work and won't be going in tomorrow either. Can't face it. I feel like everyone knows something isn't right too. Haven't told any of my family, just told them I've a stomach bug. I don't know when I'll have the energy to go in again. Keep having very dark thoughts. I have an incessant ache in my back and head aches coming and going.

Hi PressRun.
Sorry to hear things aren't great.
Hopefully it will be short low spell.
Could you go to your GP?
He could help with back and head aches and maybe telling him about your low spell would help you as well.

PressRun

Tell me how wrote: »

Hi PressRun.
Sorry to hear things aren't great.
Hopefully it will be short low spell.
Could you go to your GP?
He could help with back and head aches and maybe telling him about your low spell would help you as well.

I did actually go to him about feelings of depression before about a year ago. He put me on 100mg sertraline, which I took for a few months, but I felt more exhausted than ever while on it so I stopped. I'm worried if I go to him again, it'll just be more of the same. I feel like my back pain and mood are connected somehow. I haven't pulled anything, it's just this dull persistent ache that started over the weekend. Head aches only started this evening.

Tell me how

PressRun wrote:

I did actually go to him about feelings of depression before about a year ago. He put me on 100mg sertraline, which I took for a few months, but I felt more exhausted than ever while on it so I stopped. I'm worried if I go to him again, it'll just be more of the same. I feel like my back pain and mood are connected somehow. I haven't pulled anything, it's just this dull persistent ache that started over the weekend. Head aches only started this evening.

Did the sertraline help albeit with side effects?
Meds for Depression can take a lot of trial and monitoring before being sure whether they're right or not and the extent of any side effects.

failinis

Had a nightmare that my mother had died. Felt like throwing up when I woke. Feel ****. I hope shes ok.

Gremlinertia

That is a nasty scare to get, i have hyper-realistic nightmares so i can sympathise, if you can, go to a different room or for a shower, try and get yourself grounded, then give her a call..

failinis

Gremlinertia wrote: »

That is a nasty scare to get, i have hyper-realistic nightmares so i can sympathise, if you can, go to a different room or for a shower, try and get yourself grounded, then give her a call..

She is on holdiday at the moment but I will phone when the tinezome thing is correct. Rarely get nightmares that are hyper real last week there was a rapist coming after me in another dream. I just want sleep.

Gremlinertia

I hope this period passes fast for you. Exhaustion on top of illness is the worst.

failinis

Gremlinertia wrote: »

I hope this period passes fast for you. Exhaustion on top of illness is the worst.

Ive a feeling I have cold or flu working on me, I came home early yesterday to try and rest/avoid one - but it all means nothing if I am exhausted.
I sleep but its not a good/deep sleep.

Will be fine, I know I have a busy month and a few weeks ahead, and keep telling myself "sure you will be home mid Dec with family, getting ready for Christmas etc and barely any uni work to do" but its tainted by the neurology appointment a few days after I land home.
It could be good news. It could be bad. It could be mixed.
I hate this having control over my life. I also hate when people say "its all a mind set, you can change it if you want". If I could do you not think I would be first person who would ya twat. Im not even going to get into it.

Full morning of life drawing, barely want to go to class.
I will go though as life drawing is not a class you can "catch up" on.

Will message my mum at 10 our time. Just thrown kind of mood.

Gremlinertia

The life drawing could be very good for you as it's something that requires some serious concentration and observation

failinis

Gremlinertia wrote: »

The life drawing could be very good for you as it's something that requires some serious concentration and observation

Haha,have you been in a class with me Grem.
I want to throw myself out the window about an hour in.
If they change the poses then I am engaged but drawing the same pose for 5hours?

It will be fine I think, just gotta keep on going, if I stop then I sink.

Gremlinertia

Oh oops, my bad! I used to get totally wrapped up in it but of course everyone is different Shucks I'm all embarrassed now haha

PressRun

Tell me how wrote: »

Did the sertraline help albeit with side effects?
Meds for Depression can take a lot of trial and monitoring before being sure whether they're right or not and the extent of any side effects.

I didn't feel like it did because I just felt so tired all the time, which affected my mood.

La.de.da

Thought this was lovely so I'd share here X

PressRun

So went to the doctor. he's changed the medication so we'll see how that goes.

Nyctolust

It feels so silly of me to still be this sad on my birthday and all. I still haven't managed to get out of that funk. Only been feeling everything get much darker and been feeling even more physically exhausted on top of everything else.
The stress and anxiety is unreal. I suppose all I can hope for is that maybe, possibly, people will start taking my mental health problems a little more seriously now that I'm an "adult."

failinis

I told my counsellor I wont be attending any further sessions and to ignore if I requested anymore.
Also told my friend we can't talk anymore.
I feel so much freer.

pew

Nyctolust wrote: »

It feels so silly of me to still be this sad on my birthday and all. I still haven't managed to get out of that funk. Only been feeling everything get much darker and been feeling even more physically exhausted on top of everything else.
The stress and anxiety is unreal. I suppose all I can hope for is that maybe, possibly, people will start taking my mental health problems a little more seriously now that I'm an "adult."

Happy Belated Birthday

pew

Im struggling lately. I feel like im not in control anymore and its really stressing me out.

I really need a break.

Hugo Stiglitz

pew wrote: »

Im struggling lately. I feel like im not in control anymore and its really stressing me out.

I really need a break.

Same, Pew.

Tell me how

pew wrote:

Im struggling lately. I feel like im not in control anymore and its really stressing me out.

I really need a break.

Hugo Stiglitz wrote:

Same, Pew.

F*ck Depression and Anxiety.

mansize

Just checking in.

Working going well, but there's a few in the office that would belittle you/cut you to shreds then be all pally the next.


I don't understand these people. I feel like I've done something wrong and worry about it after,

but all in all, enjoying the work.

Hugo Stiglitz

Tell me how wrote: »

F*ck Depression and Anxiety.

F them indeed!

mansize wrote: »

Just checking in.

Working going well, but there's a few in the office that would belittle you/cut you to shreds then be all pally the next.


I don't understand these people. I feel like I've done something wrong and worry about it after,

but all in all, enjoying the work.

Those people are everywhere unfortunately. There are people in my work who (whom?) I don't even acknowledge anymore due to how they have treated me when I joined.

You've done nothing at all wrong. F 'em.

Glad to hear that work is otherwise going well!

failinis

Land lady is annoying me so much, if I move now I lose my deposit and no where to move into, I am planning to find a new place for Sept.

failinis

I've had a really bad past few days mainly down to stress within the family.
A sibling has pretty much full cognitive function but he has a cyst in his brain and autism which impacts on his behaviour. He is in late 20s so hardly a child - long story short he stopped checking in with my mother who was away abroad on holiday and no one could get through to him.

Neighbour checked Thursday night, he told me brother seemed fine to me.
Mum arrived home last night from Dublin airport, bus then taxi to the front door and she was locked out, (spare key not in spot in garden) the house was a a mess and no sign of him. Belongings all wet with snow and ice in trailer e.g. christmas decorations etc. Gas canister in the middle of hallway?

She was frantic to me on the phone, another sibling has spare key, rang him, he's in London. Yeah. She broke in and neighbour and dad checked his room (he is known to be suicidual but no one in the room but light was on).
So he was missing and he is known to go a few hours away and wander asking for a fight (a punch can burst the cyst) so I was so worried here and my mother was going spare.

My brother walked in the front door while she was on phone to me - she phoned me back a while later - he went and bought a car (he was going to have to return his license because ****ed up paper work months ago anyway by next week) and he has no insurance and even though he passed his test, the instructor he trained with said he does not like the idea of him driving for more like 20mins straight. And its ice. And he was driving with out even knowing.
Apparently while my mum was roaring the head off him - my dad said the house felt major warm - he went to look, the oven was on full blast with nothing inside it...and he was out of the house for at least 2hrs (they were waiting outside house/breaking in). He turned it off and never said a word to mum as she was a mess.

The sibling on holiday in London said he would "keep an eye" on the above brother - no promises of calling in etc but now I was stuck as middle man telling him my mum does not want him to darken our door for a good long while.

I don't really feel excited about going home after my uni projects are done.
I was going spare myself last night thinking my brother ****ing killed himself and I have so much going on right now. I cant handle more stress.

Gremlinertia

Wow Failinis, that's one sh1t ton of terrible.. I'm impressed you're together enough to type, remember how strong you've just been.. I think you'll need to mark out space and time where you can 'time out' while home.. In fact i would nearly suggest you ask your mam to think about the same for her too.

failinis

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Wow Failinis, that's one sh1t ton of terrible.. I'm impressed you're together enough to type, remember how strong you've just been.. I think you'll need to mark out space and time where you can 'time out' while home.. In fact i would nearly suggest you ask your mam to think about the same for her too.

I could not have typed that last night - just a whole mess, my parents I bet feel like they can't leave him alone now at all ... so thats going to mess up their social life now too.

Just a huge rollercoaster.
Another issue is that mum keeps too tight a hold on my brother which means he goes a bit mental when he gets some slack leash.

I really do need time off when I get home in mid Dec.

Gremlinertia

Hopefully people will have settled and recovered by the time you get back, hopefully you can focus on other things for the next while.

failinis

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Hopefully people will have settled and recovered by the time you get back, hopefully you can focus on other things for the next while.

I do need time to just focus on me and relaxing, if I can.
My mother said she took the weeks off work of when I am home to spend time with me because of what I am going through with medical stuff - but also she needs time off work herself.
Hopefully December will be a good month, I need that right now.
I still have my neurologist who requested an appointment when I am home so.....I hope its good news because there is just too much bad.

Gremlinertia

Think about all the relaxation time, the appointment will probably be just ruling stuff out i'd guess.

failinis

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Think about all the relaxation time, the appointment will probably be just ruling stuff out i'd guess.

Its either going to be

• A result came back positive
• All tests came back negative - (so unknown cause)
• Also do need refered for nerve conduction therapy.

So yeah, I know that those are likely the outcomes and once the 16th is over - then I can chill until the next appointment the best I can.

Ahhhhh going to do drawing and then cry over my essay maybe.

Gremlinertia

Breathe and take your time, it'll be what it is, i know how hard it is but it's not until the 16th, deal with whatever then..

failinis

I refused a free cinema ticket with friends today because I had done no work to justify going to at noon today.
Ive none nothing for my project and nothing on my essay no matter how much I try and start it and I'm sitting here being ****ing useless and i jut cant do anything

Gremlinertia

Allow yourself the treats in future, sometimes we deserve the carrot early. It can motivate in it's own way.

failinis

Its just a completely wasted day, I don't have time to waste. I could try and work now till maybe 1am but I literally can't work. I don't know what to do.

Gremlinertia

Eat and drink something nice, anything at all. Have a shower?. Self care and plan tomorrow out.

failinis

Was on the phone to mum for....oh god almost 2hours it looks like, basically 99% of it was me crying and unable to talk.
It kind of helped, I needed that release, I feel bad though because I am sure she is worrying about me now (not that she would not be concerned away, that is a parents unavoidable job).
I will be home soon, we are facing whatever the doctors say together (even if it cant stop anything) and there are other issues which we will face when the time is right.
Bless her, she "threatened" to get a flight over to see me but I said (truthfully) that I have all my deadlines over the next 3 weeks so its actually one of the worst times to come visit and I will be fine and she will see me in a few weeks.
I do feel tired now and need sleep. I have "new" pain, happening for past few weeks and its draining me as well.

failinis

Feel stress about essay creeping up on me.
A lecturer shook my confidence on it and I feel behind with the art work, I am so tired as I am up till 1am most nights now.
Can't keep that up.

Gremlinertia

Exhaustion, the enemy of just about anyone with mental health issues.. There isn't any real fix to it i guess. Just keep talking to us and anyone else you talk to outside here.. Can you talk to a lecturer about the deadlines or head of year/department maybe?

failinis

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Exhaustion, the enemy of just about anyone

Everyones enemy ha.
I have an extended deadline for essay. Normal classes is due on this Monday mine is due on 9th dec. Im trying to do art for a crit tomorrow as its well, tomorrow but keep thinking about essay too.
Just need to keep head up. Its hard.

trixychic

Guys I think we're in trouble.

My OH has had the worst luck with his new job. He started in Sept. Since the he has had 5 accidents.

1st: his 1st day he was driving with one of the lads who let him try drive in a gate. He hit the gate and it fell down. The guy was like it wasn't up proper anyways.

2nd: he had a young driver try to overtake himin the inside while he was turning left. She got his back tyres. Gardai said he was not at fault.

3rd: He was going Down a long steep hill and the air brakes went. There was a main road running across the bottom of the hill so he ran the truck along a wall to stop it from going into the traffic ahead.

4th: He was driving on a back road and a man in one of the old tiny mini cars(Mr beans car) came flying around a corner and flew into him. Gardai came and said it was 50/50 fault.

Then today yes had another one.
5th: Again he was in a back road and saw another truck coming. So he pulled in and stopped to let the truck past. As hr was stopped the ground gave way and the tri I went into the ditch.

Now I feel like 3 out of the 5 weren't really his fault but he reckons he's fired. The boss is fuming. And he's worried he won't get anoher job. I don't know what to do. I'm not angry but stress levels are through the roof. It's nothing til Xmas and we're hosting this yr. (Confirmed it just this wk). I'm so worried.

Nyctolust

Overwhelmed. During the week I'm always too busy to think no matter how late I stay up, but on nights like these everything just envelopes me. Everything is just racing through my head again. The next 7 months are going to be absolute hell, it's pathetic that I'm already failing to cope with it.

Gremlinertia

Horrible today. Don't fit in my own skin and can't get out of bed.

bridgettedon

Feeling very stressed at the moment and I'm really feeling the strain in my shoulders and back. I just want to lie down all the time and my concentration is gone. However I have a lot to do so I really need to focus. Any tips for relieving stress. Does anyone know if a good back massage will help. I'm low on time and money but would get one if I thought it would help.

Tell me how

bridgettedon wrote: »

Feeling very stressed at the moment and I'm really feeling the strain in my shoulders and back. I just want to lie down all the time and my concentration is gone. However I have a lot to do so I really need to focus. Any tips for relieving stress. Does anyone know if a good back massage will help. I'm low on time and money but would get one if I thought it would help.

Massages can be funny if you are not used to them. Some people feel more tender after them at first.

Could you go to a gym or health club and relax in the steam room for some time. Maybe try some mindfulness while in there. I find that can help with both stress and back pain.

failinis

Just a lot going on (deadlines for class) and a daunting doctor appointment when I return home.
I am enjoying my University work, but I am disliking how the University is being run (to the detriment to everyones well being).

Thoughts in head about stuff to worry about but I am attempting to say "not the time to think about these now - worry about it another time when it is more appropriate."

Rubbish.

bridgettedon

Tell me how wrote: »

Massages can be funny if you are not used to them. Some people feel more tender after them at first.

Could you go to a gym or health club and relax in the steam room for some time. Maybe try some mindfulness while in there. I find that can help with both stress and back pain.

I'm not used to massages so might leave it for now. Will try some mindfulness in the morning. Thanks.

failinis

May or may not have had a seizure of some kind last night. Likely triggered by stress.
Just...not feeling life right now. GP appointment (whenever I get one anyway)