Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

norwegianwood

Thanks everyone, this is the worst I've felt in a long time. All of the issues I've been having with low self esteem and feeling like life is pointless have gotten so much worse, I don't know how to keep going.

Hugo Stiglitz

Sorry to hear that, NW. What a scummy reason for letting someone go. :mad:

StripedBoxers

norwegianwood wrote: »

Thanks everyone, this is the worst I've felt in a long time. All of the issues I've been having with low self esteem and feeling like life is pointless have gotten so much worse, I don't know how to keep going.

Might sound a bit odd here, and I don't mean to come across as patronising but would you consider doing an NLN program as they do employer based training.

I know you most likely have qualifications/degree/experience etc but it might be an idea as it means getting your foot in the door somewhere and hopefully progressing from there either within the same or a different company and if you're in a job (be it work placement or paid work) its easier to get another job if they see you are doing something.

I don't meant to cause any offence and I apologise if I do. I just thought I would mention it as it might be of some help to you, maybe not now, but if you didn't get work soon it might be something to look into.

Shint0

Just to add to SB's post above there are services in every county which support people with mental health difficulties or various disabilties to assist you with sourcing suitable employment. You need to go to your local employment service and ask to be referred to that service specifically. They are publically funded and overseen by the Dept.of Social Protection.

Sometimes they may have positions available from various companies but don't rely on them a hundred per cent as some people do tend to do. Keep looking yourself as well and don't allow any of these public employment services try to pressure you into taking a position that might not be suitable as they have their own performance targets to meet as well. Use it as an option and perhaps that's something you could do on Monday to go a long to the local employment service and ask for a referral just to get the ball rolling.

bridgettedon

norwegianwood wrote: »

Thanks everyone, this is the worst I've felt in a long time. All of the issues I've been having with low self esteem and feeling like life is pointless have gotten so much worse, I don't know how to keep going.

I know how you feel. It really knocks your confidence which is hard when you have little confidence to begin with. Try to remember a job is not the be all and end all. There is more to your life. You have the qualifications so don't doubt your ability.

I was fired from my last job and was more or less told I was useless so I shouldn't consider working in that sector. I started a ce scheme in a simliar area and my supervisor told me I'm very good and should consider the same sector as above. Sometimes timing is everything. Focus on building the skills that will build your confidence. Easier said than done I know.

norwegianwood

Thanks for all the replies everyone. I feel more level headed about it today and now I'm realising that I did very little wrong.
The whole story is this. To start off they lied about the job in the interview, I was told I'd be the quality managers assistant, that i'd be helping deal with customers, the food safety plan and developing products. I spent most of my time weighing and measuring stuff and looking in corners for mouse ****. i was given no proper training or guidance by my manager and was expected to know how to do everything straight away.

The lads working there were kind of rough and didnt take me seriously and i was expected to go in there and start giving out to them. My manager told me in my first week there that I was moving too slowly and wasnt asking her enough questions, so I tried to improve even though i thought that was wrong, I'd only been there a week and she gave me no other indication I wasnt living up to her expectations.

She called me into her office yesterday and told me that they needed to let me go, that they'd made a mistake hiring a graduate and they actually need someone with two to three years experience. she tried to take responsibility off herself then by saying that i seemed more confident in the interview and she thought 'i'd hit the ground running', whatever the fcuk that means. Given how long it's taken me to build confidence in myself and my abilities, having that thrown at me as a negative really hurt.

Then she told me what they need is basically someone to do her job at night, manage the night shift people all the time. i never agreed to that, I was never told in the interview or at any point that was what I'd be doing, i knew there'd be some night shifts but I didnt realise that it was going to be a full time thing or that i was basically meant to be crowd control for the night shift people. they're the biggest thugs I've ever come across and she thought a 23 year old straight out of college was going to come in and be able to manage them. so they completely lied to me, gave me no help in the job and then decided when I was barely in the door that they were going to get rid of me.

I turned down another job where they really wanted to hire me and when i told them i was taking this one they offered me more money. As well, they started advertising my job online before they'd even told me this was happening and they're still offerering the same money. 25 grand a year for a manager level person with 2 or 3 years experience. its just a joke, i was so excited to get this job and i was completely led down the garden path with it, and it's just such a horrible start to my career.

Tell me how

norwegianwood wrote:

Last post

Sorry to hear about your experience norwegianwood.
There's still a lot of positives you can take from this.

You put yourself in a position where 2 companies wanted to hire you.

You came across confidently in the interview.

You recognize the failings of the company/manager in this instance and are not being inwardly self critical that "you" failed.

You can direct the narrative of this event by telling future employers (if it comes up) that it didn't work out. They started talking about night shift and supervisory duties which hadn't been discussed initally, you weren't interested and ye decided to part company.

I'd suggest leaving it off your CV. The only company who are aware of it is the one who offered you the other job.

It's a b*tch it happened but don't let it bring you down. This is part of life's experiences. I'm sure you'll get another opportunity and this episode will actually stand to you although I appreciate it's hard to see that now.

Shint0

norwegianwood, this is totally not your fault. You came up against a ruthless manager who didn't have the ability to match the candidate to job position. She needed a bouncer with previous experience in Rentokil, by the sound of it. You are lucky you were only there for three weeks because any longer in that type of environment would wear you down so it was good for you to get out when you did. It's a learning experience at least into the sometimes nasty side of work environments which a lot of people will experience at some stage in their career.

alaskayoung

Norweigianwood, I'm sorry to hear that. I know it's tough but try to stay positive and try not to let it knock your confidence. From what you said it sounds like it could have been a lucky escape. I know it sounds somewhat cliche but it usually runs through that when one door closes another one opens. Keep trying and I'm sure you'll come across something that will work out better in the long-term.

I'm feeling quite tired and overwhelmed today. A lot of self-doubt running through my head, just wondering if there's a place for me in this world when I can't seem to survive in life the way other's can. I feel like a fundamentally flawed person, like there's an irreparable glitch in my head that's preventing me from functioning as required, that I'm a mistake and unwanted by the world.

I've finished my first week in my new job and already am tempted to do a runner. There's nothing wrong with it, the work is interesting, the people are welcoming, the pay is good, only that emotionally I'm just not sure I can handle a 40hr working week. What does that say about me? Nothing good for certain. I will continue because it's required, expected, applauded yet I have that sense of foreboding building up inside me again. I don't know how long I'm going to last, another week or several months but right now, I can't see this ending well. It's a 6 month contract, with the opportunity to have that extended afterwards yet even at that, the commitment is terrifying me. I really can't see myself making it to 6 months, even though I SHOULD be able to. I haven't even had a straight 6 months out of hospital since I became "unwell". Baby steps, one day at a time, I know, but right now I'm scared and confused.

I feel like I'm trying to juggle too many balls at the moment and it's just going to take one f*** up for them all to come crashing down. The weight of my eating disorder is getting heavier by the day but drop that and everything else goes with it. Was with family this morning and couldn't hold it in any longer and cried my eyes out in public. Thankfully no one I know other than my family were around but still a little humiliating.

anoymous33

Hello im diagnosed with gad/panic d with depression,,my question is regards medication,,what can u do regards convincing your healthcare provider to give u the proper meds,,I mean besides gps would there be any body else that could speak with my gp,,or is there any services out there,,thanks in advance

trixychic

Hi guys. Again sorry it's been a while since I was on. We have been very busy.

But I've gotten into a funk lately. So many things on my mind!!! It's scary how it all just jumps ontop of you all at once from nowhere.

Looks like unless we can get a mortgage next yr, this house-the one place I have that feels secure and safe, after moving 13 times between birth and 7yr old, in the first place I've ever settled into a community and feel happy and in control of my issues-this house will be sold. It's scary to think of anywhere else as home. I've only ever had one other home. My grandparents... which is not there for long.

And then there is my children. My eldest has gone through private assessments to see if he has asd, we know he has mild sensory issues and now my youngest looks like he may have stronger sensory disorders. And maybe adhd. And who's passing these things on?? ME.
Problem is I would love to have another baby. Next yr. But how can I bring another life into this world when we still don't have a stable accomodation, and knowing that it will probably have difficulties because of my genes too!!! Really struggling with this. I always wanted more kids but I don't know if I can do it.

trixychic

anoymous33 wrote: »

Hello im diagnosed with gad/panic d with depression,,my question is regards medication,,what can u do regards convincing your healthcare provider to give u the proper meds,,I mean besides gps would there be any body else that could speak with my gp,,or is there any services out there,,thanks in advance

It's strange that they havent already prescribed you with something although some doc's are just PITA's (Pain In The Ass). Maybe ask them to refer you to the local psychological services. Bypass the gp and go straight to the experts??

trixychic

alaskayoung wrote: »

I've finished my first week in my new job and already am tempted to do a runner. There's nothing wrong with it, the work is interesting, the people are welcoming, the pay is good, only that emotionally I'm just not sure I can handle a 40hr working week. What does that say about me?

Oh my God I meet your other half. I've never worked a job for more than a couple of yrs... and that was part time. I have been in jobs I love, decent enough pay, no issues with it... But I will find issues and leave. I don't know why. It's scary and feels awful but I don't know how to stop it.

I'm terrified I wont ever be able to hold down a solid job. I don't have any ans's or solutions but just know your not the only one. Hope that helps.

anoymous33

trixychic wrote: »

It's strange that they havent already prescribed you with something although some doc's are just PITA's (Pain In The Ass). Maybe ask them to refer you to the local psychological services. Bypass the gp and go straight to the experts??

Thanks trixychic,,well my gp wont go against my psychiatrist,,is there a certain way to ask for meds u need

Tell me how

trixychic wrote:

Bypass the gp and go straight to the experts??

anoymous33 wrote:

Thanks trixychic,,well my gp wont go against my psychiatrist,,is there a certain way to ask for meds u need

Can I stick a word of caution in here?

GP's and Psychiatrists are the ones medically qualified to recommend and prescribe medications.
If you feel they are not prescribing the correct ones, do you have somebody better qualified who is telling you this and what you do need?

I think trust in the professional is essential or else, why go to them?

I hope you get the care you need anon but I hope it's done in the right way.

trixychic

Tell me how wrote: »

Can I stick a word of caution in here?

GP's and Psychiatrists are the ones medically qualified to recommend and prescribe medications.
If you feel they are not prescribing the correct ones, do you have somebody better qualified who is telling you this and what you do need?

I think trust in the professional is essential or else, why go to them?

I hope you get the care you need anon but I hope it's done in the right way.

Absolutely a word of caution but I've had 2 gp's tell me there was "nothing wrong with" me and I just had to "get a grip". The same way when I was pregnant I had a gp tell me that sex during the pregnancy could "seriously harm the baby" and another one tell me that the Irish women are idiots because we "can't remember to take the pill" (I had asked to have the bar put in because after my first baby I was terrified id forget a pill and get prey straight away)

Some Gp's can be a*sholes and idiots. If you are already seeing psychs though maybe they don't see an immediate need for meds?? Have you spoken to them about meds?

anoymous33

I just feel they dont understand crippling anxiety tbh,,or maybe they do,,but probably have strict policies regards prescribing,,,all I know is I always feel worse leaving my appointment s

anoymous33

I just feel they dont understand crippling anxiety tbh,,or maybe they do,,but probably have strict policies regards prescribing,,,all I know is I always feel worse leaving my appointment s

Whizzzy

I've posted here before, but I've never mentioned Epilim and libido or sex drive. I'd like some reaction from anyone with similar experiences, please. A quick Google indicates that that there has been loads of discussion elsewhere about this topic. In truth, I confused and a little terrified, if that isn't too strong a word.

I take 2 x 500mg Epilim daily for epilepsy. I’m 56. I developed epilepsy just over 30 years ago after a severe bout of shingles on my head. For the first couple of years I was on no medication. Then I started on 200mg per day – though my neurologist told me that my epilepsy was relatively benign. I then moved up to 500mg daily about 15 years ago and 2 x 500mg 8 years ago. My issues with it now appear to be twofold:

1. Since I moved up to 2 x 500mg, I appear to be having these occasional Bi-Polar ll type episodes where I’m feeling great, then it all ends with a bang. The depression side of these episodes usually starts with a slight absence (petit-mal). I then feel crap for a few days and look like death. Eventually it wears off and I return to normal. When I was on lower dosages of Epilim, I used to have the occasional grand-mal, but they were immensely cathartic. Headache aside, I felt that they cleared my head.

2. The more worrying aspect of things since I moved up to 2 x 500mg is its affect on my sex drive. Its gotten so bad that I’m questioning my sexuality. “Am I gay?” Yet, I walk down the street and what am I looking at? Beautiful women. But, I feel nothing. I have found in the last few years that I have had to resort to porn to stimulate interest.

In the last month, we’ve have great sex on, maybe, half-a-dozen occasions.

But, I am almost apprehensive about the way I feel I have to work my way up to it (if you’ll pardon the pun! )

I adore my wife. She’s an extraordinary woman. I couldn't live without her.

I’ve probably gone on too long, but I just felt I had to let it all out.

This is a great forum. Thank you.

W.

trixychic

anoymous33 wrote: »

I just feel they dont understand crippling anxiety tbh,,or maybe they do,,but probably have strict policies regards prescribing,,,all I know is I always feel worse leaving my appointment s

Maybe try talking to them about this??? Tell them how it makes you feel.

Unfortunately I don't know of any other way to get meds that would be safe. Sorry.

trixychic

Whizzzy I am sorry to hear your struggles. Unfortunately I don't have any experience in your area but I know I had meds before that had effected my libido. I spoke to my gp and we were able to work around it. Hope you get sorted. X

Shint0

I don't necessarily agree if a GP or psychiatrist refuses medication that is the correct course of action. I have experienced huge divergent opinions among various mental health professionals around various different diagnoses and treatment methods for the same symptoms and diagnoses.

Sometimes they can and do get it wrong, they don't always agree with each other and sometimes they lack expertise in areas which they claim to have to a degree which is shocking. I just feel that point needs to me made. If anyone feels they aren't receiving treatment they need then seek further opinions.

Tell me how

Shint0 wrote:

If anyone feels they aren't receiving treatment they need then seek further opinions.

Absolutely. But further opinions should still be medically trained.

I've heard from professionals before that not all patients can communicate exactly their experience with a particular medication and so it can take much longer to determine if it's the right option and in the right dosage amount.

Shint0

Tell me how wrote: »

Absolutely. But further opinions should still be medically trained.

I've heard from professionals before that not all patients can communicate exactly their experience with a particular medication and so it can take much longer to determine if it's the right option and in the right dosage amount.

Yes, I was referring to differences among actual medical trained professionals. Huge differences which can sometimes lead to inaccurate or misdiagnosis with wrong treatments prescibed or in some cases no treatment prescribed. Psychiatry is such a grey area because a lot of times symptoms of various conditions can overlap or be identical and it's not as simple as perfoming a blood test, for example, which might definitively confirm a particular condition.

Regardless, it can sometimes be difficult to seek a second opinion if it's the same GP who needs to make a referral but I would still urge anybody to at least try if they are not getting relief. It might come down to having to switch GPs or seek out a consultant psychologist who doesn't require a referral but can still refer to a psychiatrist. There are ways around it if needs be.

Gremlinertia

Agreed, never be scared of second third or even fourth opinions if you feel you are not heard. I've mentioned it previously many times here but I'll say again, it's a really good idea to bring a list, keep a journal or diary of things, note feelings moods at the same time everyday and also note any extremes that may occur during the day etc. Personally I've always gotten quite anxious when i get in front of any medical professional, and I've met a few. It helps if i give them the list or refer to points on it..

Notsomindful

Trixychic, i feel your pain in regards to your sons diagnosis.
We had our first assessment with early intervention today for our eldest.
A load of questions then my partner brings up my separation from kids due to mental health issues and wondering if he needed psychological help.


Feel guilty as i feel i caused his issues.
I asked him straight out if he blamed me, he said well of course it would affect him.

When I opened up to him about this , it was classed as selfish as everything said was for his benefit.
I get this but it still affects me. He just gave out to me for being selfish.

Not helping as i am off some meds(under psych observation) and on steroids for a dodgy chest, and no counselling for 4 weeks... Fml.
I know how this can spiral

trixychic

Notsomindful wrote: »

Trixychic, i feel your pain in regards to your sons diagnosis.
We had our first assessment with early intervention today for our eldest.
A load of questions then my partner brings up my separation from kids due to mental health issues and wondering if he needed psychological help.


Feel guilty as i feel i caused his issues.
I asked him straight out if he blamed me, he said well of course it would affect him.

When I opened up to him about this , it was classed as selfish as everything said was for his benefit.
I get this but it still affects me. He just gave out to me for being selfish.

Not helping as i am off some meds(under psych observation) and on steroids for a dodgy chest, and no counselling for 4 weeks... Fml.
I know how this can spiral

Oh my God. Im so sorry about that. Is that normal of your partner?? Blaming your mental issues??

I was told recently that everybody- EVERYBODY- is on the asd spectrum... some are just further up than others. Kind of helped a bit.

I know my eldest has some form of anxiety mostly from watching me. And normally I am so careful about passing things on. For example I've a major fear of spiders. But I have both my boys picking up and holding monsters. I just stand behind them (skin crawling with an urge to run) and calmly and excitedly point out how cool and cute they are. Kills me but I do it.

I just wish I could hide the anxiety from them too.

BaaLamb

Can I dive in and join you all please? Mum of three with OCD, GAD and recurrent depressive disorder. On meds, have had the worst year ever as I have been off work sick with it which has never happened to me before. Just been made redundant and OH contract runs out at same time. Desperately trying to get another job but I work in a pretty specialised area so trying to diversify with little success. OH also unsuccessful to date despite sending out 100's of applications. We're both well educated and experienced but apparently not in the right areas. My anxiety is out of control due to the stress, I've never been out of work and I'm terrified we'll lose our home if I don't get something straight away. I hide in my bed when I'm not working, I'm constantly in tears and the kids see me like this all the time which really upsets me. I'm a lot better than I was earlier in the year but the stress of the job situation is really testing any strength I have to fight off the depression and suicidal thoughts. I feel lonely even though I have a fantastic family and a some really good supportive friends. I'm just so afraid all the time.

Gremlinertia

Hi there BaaLamb, welcome to the thread, what a time you are having. This thread will hopefully be helpful at least for rants and vents to start with.. First thing, try not to pile things on yourself, i understand you were explaining your situation in your opening post but try not to get snowed under. One thing at a time.. Perhaps you and your OH could work on his job applications for now?

BaaLamb

Thanks and sorry for the long winded rant. I'm just tired and really scared.