Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

Gremlinertia

That's a lot to deal with, thankfully you already have him on the right path Trixy, be proud of that.. It must be terrifying for everyone in the house and i hope that you can all pull together, when school returns it should help since he loves it.. Always an ear here..

Shint0

trixychic wrote: »

Sorry guys let me explain things now that I'm over the initial shock. So my 7yr old is my eldest. And at the minute we are having him assessed for autism/aspergers/adhd.. everthing really. An occupational therapist has already said he has a sensory disorder and we will have the report about the rest come Tue.

It's been a very stressful time. As you can imagine.

Anyways because of his "difficulties" he finds the smallest most mundane things so upseting. One day it was cause his younger brother (4) couldn't save the balls in the goal. Today it was a passing joke with his friends. Sometimes it's because he can't manage a jigsaw or game.

Generally after these things happen, he can't speak as he's overwhelmed with tears from anger, hurt and basic upsetness... don't think that's a word but anyways. The only way he will communicate is through passing notes with me under his door.

Things have been getting slowly more intense and worse over the summer and I'm praying things might calm down once he gets back to school (which he can't wait to get back to). But today knocked me for 6. Like I said he often talks about being somewhere or someone else. But it shocked me when he wished himself dead.

Needless to say my anxiety is through the roof and I'm afraid my depression may reoccur. I'm binge eating to help deal with the stress and in doing so have put on a full 1 and a half stone since start of the summer. Which isn't helping things either.

It's just all up in the air at the minute.

Well sometimes mood disorders can be concurrent with any of the above you mentioned. They can either be a distinct disorder or as the result or effect of the frustrations and challenges in trying to cope with them. So early onset in childhood would not be unheard of but at least you have him in the system now and can report all unusual behaviours that you might be concerned about.

It's obviously very difficult for him too trying to process and assimilate it all if he has an awareness that he might function slightly differently to other kids. You should also try to check if there might be any form of bullying going from other kids as this could be a possibility too on top of everything else.

As you are the one posting here then you need support as well and I hope you have access to that support. Keep an eye on yourself too as well as the little guy to prevent yourself slipping further as you've recognised now that it's starting to affect you.

failinis

trixychic wrote: »

Sorry guys let me explain things now that I'm over the initial shock. So my 7yr old is my eldest. And at the minute we are having him assessed for autism/aspergers/adhd.. everthing really. An occupational therapist has already said he has a sensory disorder and we will have the report about the rest come Tue.

It's been a very stressful time. As you can imagine.

Anyways because of his "difficulties" he finds the smallest most mundane things so upseting. One day it was cause his younger brother (4) couldn't save the balls in the goal. Today it was a passing joke with his friends. Sometimes it's because he can't manage a jigsaw or game.

Generally after these things happen, he can't speak as he's overwhelmed with tears from anger, hurt and basic upsetness... don't think that's a word but anyways. The only way he will communicate is through passing notes with me under his door.

Things have been getting slowly more intense and worse over the summer and I'm praying things might calm down once he gets back to school (which he can't wait to get back to). But today knocked me for 6. Like I said he often talks about being somewhere or someone else. But it shocked me when he wished himself dead.

Needless to say my anxiety is through the roof and I'm afraid my depression may reoccur. I'm binge eating to help deal with the stress and in doing so have put on a full 1 and a half stone since start of the summer. Which isn't helping things either.

It's just all up in the air at the minute.

I echo what everyone else has said.

I am the youngest in my family but one of my older siblings was diagnosed with aspbergers this year aged 28.
I don't remember him when he was the same age as your son as I was not born, or very small but you know what I do remember and him now, he was similar to that. Breaking down at feck all, very quiet.
He is not severely effected, but as he grew up with no support he got very frustrated and violent/melt downs (violent at cups/plates/walls not people).
I think if my brother had the support growing up and through his teenage years he would be happier. BUT he is happy enough now and getting help.
I know everyone is different, but I hope you understand what I mean,
that your son is getting the support, no matter what any issue it is he has.
It is emotional time for you of course, very stressful, my mother just went through it with my 28 year old bro, never mind a little 7yr old.
It will be fine, and you have this space to rant your frustrations and ears to listen.
My mother needs "respite" from my bro sometimes, you really should grab any support for YOU, as you need too be healthy and happy too.

failinis

Another medical rant but more positive.
I feel like I need to justify these rants as its "biological medical" not mental health, but it causes me emotional distress.

For years I have had unexplained heart pain, I mean since I was young and it got worse for years and the past 2 years it settled down.
I assumed I grew out of it, but the past 2 months it is back with a vengeance.
Seen the top adolescent cardiologist in NI in my teen years (lovely doctor, gentleman) but even after an implanted heart monitor no answer.
He said I have had it for years and its had no clear impact on my heart/etc so I could "relax" and get monitored every year, but of course the pain is still with me. I was referred to adult cardiology care but it fell through and I still have no cardio doctor.

I started to feel like maybe I did feel the pain but in reality there was no pain, like a cruel version of hypochondria where I felt pain but I was not even ill. This has upset me a lot and made me avoid reporting my severe chest pain.

Friday night I had another "episode" and went to bed, when I woke in the morning the pain got very very bad so I phoned out of hours GP and got appointment that afternoon.

After examining me, blood pressure grand, my heart/lungs were grand via his stethoscope, no fever etc. He then said to pull my shirt up and bend over (haha I know how that sounds) but he traced my spine and said I had scoliosis, which I know since I was 11.
He then wanted to look at my ribs, he said even though my spine has a mild twist, my left rib sticks out slightly more than my right.

He said he thinks I have costochondritis, which is inflammation of the connective tissue at your breast bone.

He explained that people can have "episodes" of it being unsettled for a few days then it calms down for months or even years, then it gets triggered again.
He said many people with scoliosis have it, and that the pain can feel like an actual heart attack or cardiac arrest and the shock of the pain may make my heart beat faster, explaining the fact I get palpations when I get the pain.

So I may have real chest pain but its not my heart. He said the pain is often the top 4-5 ribs on the left or right side (like me) and that mine is normally on my left so that makes sense as to why I always felt it was my heart, as its often confused for that.

Adding that I am under investigation for a connective tissue disorder, plus my spine is twisted, this seems very likely cause.

If I get this as a confirmed diagnosis then I will be so relived?
I am almost crying typing all of this, like in relief? I thought I was ****ing crazy and imagining this severe chest pain.
But if this gets confirmed like, 1) my hearts is 100% grand and 2) I have a legit condition that is not me being unstable. This would mean so much.

I have an ovarian cyst (under watch, will be scanned in few months to see if it goes away or grows) and I got a stabbing pain right where your ovary is last night. Within 10mins of the pain going away I was a sobbing mess. I had no reason to cry but I felt immense sadness and upset.
I know it is messing with my hormones and emotions and its just obviously upsetting.

Sorry this is so long, congrats who ever read it all :pac:

trixychic

Thank you to everyone who replied. I'm going to be ringing our gp (for him) and my psych place (for me) tomorrow and book us both in. I know we will be able to get through this but it's just a pain in the asd having to wait on the reports. The sooner I get him the help he needs the better. But thanks again everyone. Xxx

Filinis I know what you mean about feeling relieved and finally knowing its not all in your head. Well done on keeping with it. I hope things continue to improve for you now. X

Gremlinertia

How are you doing now Trixy?

trixychic

Gremlinertia wrote: »

How are you doing now Trixy?

I'm ok thanks Grem. Initial shock over. Just gonna try and set more plans in motion this wk. It all comes down to money though. Which is not how things should be. The services in this country fail us miserably. Both as children with issues and as adults withental health difficulties.

On the plus side I told him its only 7 days till school and he leapt around the house with delight. He loves school. Ha.

trixychic

How are you keeping Grem???

Gremlinertia

Nice one Trixy, good to hear.. I'm doing ok though having major issues with sleep of late, ah well sure we'll survive that too

trixychic

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Nice one Trixy, good to hear.. I'm doing ok though having major issues with sleep of late, ah well sure we'll survive that too

Oh God. Not able to or disturbed with nightmares or both??

Gremlinertia

Mix of both recently, long drawn out bad dreams that wake me and leave me somewhat confused.. Very taxing to be honest..

Shint0

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Mix of both recently, long drawn out bad dreams that wake me and leave me somewhat confused.. Very taxing to be honest..

Well that's the thing. People always waffle on about having sweet dreams but dreams by their nature are not intended to be sweet. They generally involve some unresolved issue / conflict during waking hours / real life which gets played out in the unconscious mind in the dream state while sleeping.

My sleep too has been broken for a long time and these days I am usually awake for half the night. Most likely due to overuse of smartphones / internet and it can be difficult to detach yourself from them. I have tried a self-imposed ban but it doesn't seem to work. Must try harder

trixychic

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Mix of both recently, long drawn out bad dreams that wake me and leave me somewhat confused.. Very taxing to be honest..

Confusing in the way you can't tell what's real or what's the dream? They are horrible. Do you have a chance to sleep during the day??? I always find a good book or a happy movie can help. If I'm still up late I'll drop you a line.

Gremlinertia

It's kinda like they are based on real(istic) people and situations with completely absurd stuff thrown in.. I wake up now and again a bit during them for further confusion so when i'm finally up i can't put anything together for ages..

Shint0

In one way it's good, Grem, although it mightn't sound like it but at least you are going into a deep dream R.E.M. state so maybe it's a sign to try to motivate yourself to try to resolve whatever is bothering you. For a lot of people who are depressed they don't even get into that deep dream state which in theory is supposed to be the most refreshing part of sleep if you can get there although I know you say it's actually very taxing.

Your dreams do sound a little bit like a Salvador Dali painting. Just stick a little moustache on your avatar

trixychic

Hope you have a peaceful uninterrupted sleep Grem. Xxx

Gremlinertia

In about ten hours time we shall see! How are you doin Trixy?

trixychic

Gremlinertia wrote: »

In about ten hours time we shall see! How are you doin Trixy?

Ds's report is due any minute. Gonna have to wait and see. Although my IBS acted up the other night. Anxiety sucks!!!

Hope you slept ok. Xxx

mansize

Oh I was in strange humour today, very het up and v sensitive about no currently working!

My CBT is finished and my depression has subsidised so hopefully I'll get something manageable soon

Shint0

mansize wrote: »

Oh I was in strange humour today, very het up and v sensitive about no currently working!

My CBT is finished and my depression has subsidised so hopefully I'll get something manageable soon

Have you been actively looking for work so far, mansize, or just starting the process now?

Work-related issues seem to be coming up a lot recently in the thread and can be a major source of stress for people wiith any type of mental health difficulty but assistance available generally tends to be not well publicised.

failinis

Been in an "odd" mood the past few days, irrationally angry and worked up but nothing to be angry about or at.

Yesterday I woke up feeling very ill, just that full body aching and fatigue you get with fevers and flus except I had neither. So fatigued and mentally foggy.
Lay in bed and could not sleep but not aware enough to focus on reading or anything just laying down feeling like total shíte :rolleyes:

Started to keep a diary for my genetic doctor (and I suppose any other dr) about symptoms I have, and its been going 2 days and I already have complaints (some chronic) on my eye pain (waiting to be seen after optician could not work out), hearing (appointment next week), joints, chest, IBS stuff, stomach pains (could be old ulcer), circulation, gyno, hip pain and fever and balance issues and dropping things.

I feel like I am moaning and complaining so much but its genuine symptoms but I feel angry recording how much I drop things and small stuff like that.
Every time I drop stuff (3 times today plus "forgetting" where my hand is meaning I punched a bed post by accident and poured tea not into my mouth but on to myself) makes me angry. Every single time I loose another cup. I fear about the nerves in my hands. My art is my life. My feet are severely effected by I want my hands to be okay.
I guess it is hard to actually confront how I feel every day, even just from a medical point of view.

Don't know just not in a good place all week.

Edit: Spilled water all over myself just now, I keep tipping the cup before it reaches my mouth. I swear to god I am getting so pissed off.

failinis

I know I really am on edge because my stalker tends to harass my friends when he guesses I enter or leave Ireland.
I just expect to see him out the window at any time.

mansize

Shint0 wrote: »

Have you been actively looking for work so far, mansize, or just starting the process now?

Work-related issues seem to be coming up a lot recently in the thread and can be a major source of stress for people wiith any type of mental health difficulty but assistance available generally tends to be not well publicised.

Applied for a few things my doctor thinks would be manageable.

ivytwine

Sent a drunk text last night. Let the self loathing and recrimination begin.

Honestly this first appointment can't come fast enough. I'm in a massive self sabotage mode, I've basically been promoted and I cannot get excited about it, I'm in such a rut and so sick of dealing with the same old ****e, year in, year out.

Shint0

mansize wrote: »

Applied for a few things my doctor thinks would be manageable.

You could always share your thoughts and experiences here if you are having any difficuties around the job searching process. Returning to the workforce if you have mental health difficulties can be challenging for a lot of people.

It's not just about finding a suitable job match and environment but oftentimes people can have difficulty in explaining gaps in their employment and wondering if they should disclose their illness to a prospective employer; at what stage should they do that; do they need any accommodations in the workplace possibly around taking time off for medical appointments.

Sometimes people aren't even aware of their rights and entitlements, and what supports and financial assistance are available to them. The whole process can be very daunting so perhaps here might be a good place to vent and to bounce any thoughts off others as it seems to be a recurring theme in the thread more than anywhere else on Boards.

Gremlinertia

Not very well, physical pain is pretty massive and it's really dragging my mood off. Think my resources are close to tapped out. I know it will pass.. Clinging to that..

BaaLamb

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Not very well, physical pain is pretty massive and it's really dragging my mood off. Think my resources are close to tapped out. I know it will pass.. Clinging to that..

I'm sorry you are in physical pain, I hope you can withstand it and overcome it soon. Sending you good thoughts.

BaaLamb

ivytwine wrote: »

Sent a drunk text last night. Let the self loathing and recrimination begin.

Honestly this first appointment can't come fast enough. I'm in a massive self sabotage mode, I've basically been promoted and I cannot get excited about it, I'm in such a rut and so sick of dealing with the same old ****e, year in, year out.

I'm very glad mobile phones were not available in my partying years, I'd plenty of self loathing to be going on with as it was:D. One drunk text is no biggie Ivy so don't be giving yourself a hard time.

It is hard to get excited about anything when your mood is low, I empathise with you. Well done on your promotion though.

ivytwine

BaaLamb wrote: »

I'm very glad mobile phones were not available in my partying years, I'd plenty of self loathing to be going on with as it was:D. One drunk text is no biggie Ivy so don't be giving yourself a hard time.

It is hard to get excited about anything when your mood is low, I empathise with you. Well done on your promotion though.

Thank you BaaLamb I am just old enough to remember life before phones and things seem a lot harder now. Internet is fantastic in lots of ways but I don't think having all this access to others and their lives at your fingertips is the best for mental health. I've done this loads of times (not to the same person... at least. This is the first time they've gotten one haha) and it's just mortifying. Ugh. I'll go into the counsellor tomorrow and be like "My whole life is just a mess. Fix it" :pac:

Thanks, you know yourself, you then feel guilty for not being excited about a positive. Ehh.

mansize

My anxiety levels through the roof today