Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

BaaLamb

mansize wrote: »

My anxiety levels through the roof today

Yeah me too. Been crying again this evening and had to hit the Ativan.

mansize

Had a lie in, got up, no milk, after getting some yesterday!

Doing my nephew a favour by letting him and his gf stay for a while. They are normally great but the little thing like the milk cos I was in bad form sent me over the edge.

I texted him asking him to pick up fabric softener- I washed all the towels and none left and he replied he wouldn't be anywhere to get some!!!

I was more than a little peaved at this I'm really on edge and work situation not helping!

StripedBoxers

I would say it to them when they're back, either they start coughing up or else they can find another place to stay to be honest.

I've started having panic attacks and migraines again lately. FFS.

A friend is going through a rough time and its really affecting me because she won't change her situation and as a result her children are suffering and I am finding it hard to watch.

I'm getting so frustrated with her and her not using or wanting to use the supports that are there for her instead telling me everything (although I don't encourage her not to as I am the only one she talks too) so I don't know what more to do.

mansize

They brought me chocolate!

They are lovely, in fairness, I was just off form.

Gremlinertia

Glad that things improved Mansize

Shint0

StripedBoxers wrote: »

A friend is going through a rough time and its really affecting me because she won't change her situation and as a result her children are suffering and I am finding it hard to watch.

I'm getting so frustrated with her and her not using or wanting to use the supports that are there for her instead telling me everything (although I don't encourage her not to as I am the only one she talks too) so I don't know what more to do.

I think people who have a tendency towards depression probably have higher levels of empathy and can be quite caring and conscientious. We don't like to see other people suffering. You can start to become involved sometimes in other people's problems where they might end up relying on you too much or even sometimes taking advantage.

It's okay to take a step back and become more selfish if it's affecting your own needs and allow others take responsibilty for their own problems. Not easy to do and can take a long time to learn but if is possible.

failinis

The longer I stay here the more I expect my stalker to attempt to contact me. I read a thing about how many become violent in the end up. I think he will kill me in a rage some day. The sooner I leave for college again the better. I have my friends warned if I ever go missing to bring him up. I think being home so long is making me very cagey. I did go to police. But could not go ahead for court yet.
I think I will have to see a therapist forst before I go and see about police again. Just geting so so on edge now again im sick. I always feel like I will see his face or get attacked when I just close my window blinds. I feel awful but I will try not have a panic attack. Controlling breathing.

Gremlinertia

Hey there Failinis, sorry to hear you're stuck with such thoughts, i hope you manage to keep the panic at bay and get some sleep.

failinis

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Hey there Failinis, sorry to hear you're stuck with such thoughts, i hope you manage to keep the panic at bay and get some sleep.

Its been at the back of my mind always - but the past two days its just at the fore front of my mind. I kept expecting to see him or for him to contact me/friends.
Tends to contact when he expects me entering Ireland like this early summer, and just expecting the next one now as I soon leave.

I cant put it into words properly but just deep deep concern. I feel very scared for my well being - but no reason to suspect an attack or anything. Just my head being recked.

StripedBoxers

Hope you're okay Failinis.

Shint0 wrote: »

I think people who have a tendency towards depression probably have higher levels of empathy and can be quite caring and conscientious. We don't like to see other people suffering. You can start to become involved sometimes in other people's problems where they might end up relying on you too much or even sometimes taking advantage.

It's okay to take a step back and become more selfish if it's affecting your own needs and allow others take responsibilty for their own problems. Not easy to do and can take a long time to learn but if is possible.

This is it exactly.

I am just so frustrated at her, she knows exactly what she needs to do but won't do it, instead making up every excuse in the book to avoid doing it, she won't access proper healthcare/medical supports, won't allow anyone to mind her kids to she can go to counselling etc. She is doing everything to avoid it, but yet piles it all on me (and none of our other friends) and its causing me to have panic attacks.

I'm in bad form anyway this week and she isn't helping. I know she means no harm but how many times can you use the same excuse over and over and over and over before accepting you have to move on.

I feel awful writing that out but I am so upset and worried for her kids and their welfare I really am.

bridgettedon

StripedBoxers wrote: »

Hope you're okay Failinis.

This is it exactly.

I am just so frustrated at her, she knows exactly what she needs to do but won't do it, instead making up every excuse in the book to avoid doing it, she won't access proper healthcare/medical supports, won't allow anyone to mind her kids to she can go to counselling etc. She is doing everything to avoid it, but yet piles it all on me (and none of our other friends) and its causing me to have panic attacks.

I'm in bad form anyway this week and she isn't helping. I know she means no harm but how many times can you use the same excuse over and over and over and over before accepting you have to move on.

I feel awful writing that out but I am so upset and worried for her kids and their welfare I really am.

Don't feel bad. You need to look after yourself first. All you can do is point her to the right services. Try to take a step back from the situation.

Have gone back to cbt for a few more sessions. Wondering if I will ever be finished with my issues. I think this will be a lifelong battle for me.

StripedBoxers

bridgettedon wrote: »

Don't feel bad. You need to look after yourself first. All you can do is point her to the right services. Try to take a step back from the situation.

You are right, everyone is telling me this, I am finding it harder this time though because there are kids involved. I am trying my best to distance myself from it but because of the kids and their safety I am finding it very difficult.

bridgettedon wrote: »

Have gone back to cbt for a few more sessions. Wondering if I will ever be finished with my issues. I think this will be a lifelong battle for me.

CBT is very, very hard. I have done it myself before in the past for about two years and it was extremely difficult, it was the hardest therapy I have ever done, but it was so so worth it. I know others who've done it and like that it was extremely difficult and trying at times, but when it works, it works amazingly. Keep at it, you are strong enough for it.

Mental illnesses will always be there, its getting a handle on them and managing them that's the hard part, CBT will help hugely with this although its a very trying and difficult time while going through it, it is so worth it when you come out the other side.

Back2work

ongarboy wrote: »

Hi all.
Recent lurker to this forum as I wanted to seek out solidarity from those who understand what I’m going through which is a fairly constant feeling of anxiety. I was even anxious about posting here under my username as I was afraid that those who may be familiar with me elsewhere on Boards or anyone who’d google me on Boards would see this and then associate me with a mental health condition and what a stigma that would be….eh?? I also had a concern that coming here (and I’ve visited this thread a lot in the last couple of weeks) would somehow encourage me to wallow in my condition and somehow use the forum as an excuse to go on “poor me” rants and have some of you validate such rants and which could start making the thread addictive for me for the wrong reasons (ie seeking the company of misery/pity/sympathy validations). I’m confident for me that the positives of this thread will far outweigh any perceived negatives I had or may have.

I can however see a lot of very brave individuals coming here and posting about how they are truly hurting right now or in the recent past and how they even just have the wherewithal to post about that. Those posts alone mean you are not suffering in silence. Your honesty and courage is what is inspiring me and doesn’t make me feel alienated and alone (of which I’ve so often felt in the past).

I left a great, very well paid, top of career job 3 years ago due to extreme work related anxiety and tricked everyone into thinking I was taking a career break to go travelling for a year which of course was a far more socially acceptable “why are you leaving?” response rather than say “I can’t face this job or any new job”. Anyway, with some therapy and fabulous group support work with CrossCare during that year off, I mustered up the strength and courage to fight my anxiety and go back and find a job in my industry ( a different company, similar job) hoping I could use the coping mechanisms and tools I acquired through therapy to endure this new job. You’ve all heard the Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway malarkey…. I lasted two years that included 2 one month absences due to work related anxiety before I had to quit again before Christmas to save myself from descending further down a black hole of anxiety. I'm so mad and angry that 20 years of education, qualifications and working hard to ascend to the top has all being wasted but my sanity had to come first. My therapist congratulated me when I guiltily admitted I handed in my notice and said that I should feel empowered for owning that decision to leave an environment that was stressing me out. I’m still not sure if it’s me or my anxiety that “owned” it.

Anyway, 3 months later and I’m back job hunting again and trying to focus on completely different industries but my CV is only geared towards the industry I’ve always worked in. I’m now applying for completely unrelated jobs hoping that working in a different field will not cause me such anxiety and stress. I’m not sure how successful that will be but I guess the fact I’m doing it all is a good thing, right? I’m hating having to job hunt as I equate work with anxiety for as long as I remembered and this job hunting feeds into the anxiety. However, I get more stressed out by doing nothing and feeling guilty about doing nothing so I popped off a couple of CVs today. Not sure I’d even want the jobs I’m applying for but there is a slight feel good feeling already for doing something productive as applying for jobs I guess.

Anyway, apologies for the long post – hadn’t planned, just kept on typing. I just wanted to introduce myself and say well done to all of you for expressing yourselves so honestly. Even if you feel your posts do not help yourself, it may help someone else who’s reading and that has to be a good thing.

Ongar, Im in a very similar situation to you, left a good paying job 3.5yrs ago due to severe anxiety and stress. Looking to find work now, but dont know how to explain the gap. Can I ask what you put in for your 2 yr gap and have u since found a job. Thanks

Shint0

Back2work wrote: »

Ongar, Im in a very similar situation to you, left a good paying job 3.5yrs ago due to severe anxiety and stress. Looking to find work now, but dont know how to explain the gap. Can I ask what you put in for your 2 yr gap and have u since found a job. Thanks

Gaps can be explained plausibly if you don't wish to disclose your illness. What I would say, and without knowing your personal situation, if a gap has been for a number of years due to illness sometimes a phased returned to work can help. This might include doing a short course of study in an area that interests you, volunteering, an internship or work experience placement for a short duration, or even something part-time for a few hours per day/week in an area that might not be related to your previous experience.

It can help in readjusting to a structured work environment to see how you cope without going back to work full-time immediately, give you something recent to put on your CV and talk about at an interview in a way that's relevant to any position you might apply for afterwards to demonstrate what you learned from the experience. Just a consideration but obviously you know your own situation better.

failinis

Shint0 wrote: »

I think people who have a tendency towards depression probably have higher levels of empathy and can be quite caring and conscientious. We don't like to see other people suffering. You can start to become involved sometimes in other people's problems where they might end up relying on you too much or even sometimes taking advantage.

It's okay to take a step back and become more selfish if it's affecting your own needs and allow others take responsibilty for their own problems. Not easy to do and can take a long time to learn but if is possible.

I have actually had that talk with myself - to stop burdening a certain friend with things, as she matches what you described above about empathy and I would be wary that she would actually get effected from what I say.

I know she is there for me as friend - but she is not a counsellor/therapist and I should not expect anyone to be more than they are.

I have an appointment booked for my GP when I get back to England in a few weeks to ask to see some kind of counsellor/therapist as its the correct people to go to.

-

As for myself today, I feel still in edge, the panic builds over the whole day before it hits a peak at 7pm onwards.
To me the stalker would like to think he could plan something but would fail. My main danger is what he could do in a blind rage so I do not go anywhere alone now.
I always have my camera (or my phone camera) on me so I can record/photo if he is following or threatening me - and also to just take nice photos ha.

Yesterday I kind of accepted how much that twat has impacted my life and I can not relax when I am in my home town anymore at all.
I think I have been home for a few long weeks and that stress is hitting boiling point.

Thats not adding on stress from some medical problems and social anxiety - heading back to Uni which is more stress but at least it focuses me.
Just dont wanna go to a therapist/counsellor and tell them some of these problems and just break down and cant focus on Uni work anymore.
But I cant afford to bottle up and break down myself over it all.
I do know pretty much for a fact that if I get told a certain test result is positive it will really screw my head for a while.

Notsomindful

Been off anti depressants past while on advice of psychiatrist. Anxiety very high resulting in me pulling hair out in clumps without realising it. Negative thoughts are back.
Am back to clinic on 5th September.
Added to this, got told during week that eldest son has probable diagnosis of autism.
Expected it but still a shock.
Find myself avoiding situations of socialising in regrds to my son as it makes life easier for me.
Thing is , i feel i have to convince everyone I am coping over my duty of care to my sons yet stress is showing in ibs flare ups, exhaustion mixed with hyperness, loss of appetite, migraines and getting a lot more irritable.
I feel I can never be unwell as my son needs me.

My counsellor has been on holiday since start of august and first session in 6 weeks is 6th sept. So this prob isnt helping.

Hope everyone is ok.

Gremlinertia

Notsomindful wrote: »

Been off anti depressants past while on advice of psychiatrist. Anxiety very high resulting in me pulling hair out in clumps without realising it. Negative thoughts are back.
Am back to clinic on 5th September.
Added to this, got told during week that eldest son has probable diagnosis of autism.
Expected it but still a shock.
Find myself avoiding situations of socialising in regrds to my son as it makes life easier for me.
Thing is , i feel i have to convince everyone I am coping over my duty of care to my sons yet stress is showing in ibs flare ups, exhaustion mixed with hyperness, loss of appetite, migraines and getting a lot more irritable.
I feel I can never be unwell as my son needs me.

My counsellor has been on holiday since start of august and first session in 6 weeks is 6th sept. So this prob isnt helping.

Hope everyone is ok.

You are allowed, indeed have every right to be upset. Don't think you have to have some calm exterior to indicate that you are managing.. Your son needs you to mind yourself aswell as him. Kinda reminds me of the safety advice on planes, put your own air mask on first before you attempt to help others.. Hugs to you as the timing of your counsellor's holidays is making this tougher to deal with.. Always an ear here..

Notsomindful

Gremlinertia wrote: »

You are allowed, indeed have every right to be upset. Don't think you have to have some calm exterior to indicate that you are managing.. Your son needs you to mind yourself aswell as him. Kinda reminds me of the safety advice on planes, put your own air mask on first before you attempt to help others.. Hugs to you as the timing of your counsellor's holidays is making this tougher to deal with.. Always an ear here..

Thanks grem. Nervous wreck tonight as kids and other half are in Nana's. House noises making me edgy
And jumpy.
Not too fond of being on my own when i feel this way - as illogical brain tends to take over.

BaaLamb

Notsomindful I hope you got a reasonable amount of sleep in the end? I hate my own company when I'm anxious and down as I'm afraid of being alone with my thoughts. I'm sorry to hear about your son's diagnosis and as Grem said you have every right to be upset. I hope you can have a little bit of time today to allow yourself to rest before everyone returns from Nana's. Sending you good wishes.

BaaLamb

God I'm an idiot. I'm so worried about something that is quite small in the grand scheme of things, I'm an idiot.

Shint0

BaaLamb wrote: »

God I'm an idiot. I'm so worried about something that is quite small in the grand scheme of things, I'm an idiot.

I always look at it from the perspective if something is bothering you and it's significant to you then it doesn't matter how trivial it is compared to other people's difficulties. Your worries and concerns are still valid. As an example, I always dismiss the type of attitude if someone broke their leg and you have somebody else telling them aren't they lucky they didn't break two because someone else they know broke both and you should count yourself lucky.

I'm going through a difficult time at the moment too. Someone who tries to bring me down a lot is doing it again. I need to use all my strength and everything I have learned not to allow them to bring me down into a dark place. I really need to do something about it long-term. I have tried in the past but when I went looking for relevant supports that support let me down badly. I might start looking into it again from a different angle.

failinis

Have a hearing test tomorrow, wish me luck because I am getting pretty damn het up over it.
The fact I am finding it very hard to hear is making me socially anxious and pretty isolated so if I at least get an answer it will be good.

BaaLamb

Shint0 wrote: »

I always look at it from the perspective if something is bothering you and it's significant to you then it doesn't matter how trivial it is compared to other people's difficulties. Your worries and concerns are still valid. As an example, I always dismiss the type of attitude if someone broke their leg and you have somebody else telling them aren't they lucky they didn't break two because someone else they know broke both and you should count yourself lucky.

I'm going through a difficult time at the moment too. Someone who tries to bring me down a lot is doing it again. I need to use all my strength and everything I have learned not to allow them to bring me down into a dark place. I really need to do something about it long-term. I have tried in the past but when I went looking for relevant supports that support let me down badly. I might start looking into it again from a different angle.

I'm just an idiot and sent a message that wasn't in any way rude (I don't think) but the person hasn't responded and I've worried about it since I sent it. I hate the idea of offending or upsetting anyone. Part of the anxiety I guess

Shint0 I'm really sorry you are going through a tough time. You've been so incredibly supportive to me since I started posting on this thread. As I don't know the circumstances you are alluding to I can't really offer any useful advice but I can offer a listening ear here if you need it. I hope you are winning the battle against being pulled into the dark.

Shint0

Aw thanks, BaaLamb. That's what we're all here for to support each other through the ups and downs and the in betweens.

About sending messages or doing something we think is stupid and feeling bad afterwards, I have definitely been guilty of that in the past. What I have learned is nine times out of ten we can magnify things in our own head and how others might respond or react way beyond what the reality might be.

Sometimes people are busy and don't have time to reply for a while. I have learned to let go of dwelling on some of my idiotic behaviour in the past because every single person is guilty of doing something stupid or fecking up at some stage. Nobody is immune from that.

Gremlinertia

Failinis, wishing you luck today.

Physical pain has me through the wringer the last five/six days and as a result i've been cranky and getting very down.. I've been keeping the anger away from others mostly and instead rant a bit online but the disintegrating mood i just can't see, to deal with at all currently.

failinis

Good news and bad news.

I have good hearing, yay, (except a dip in the low tones, which is attributed to surgery as a child) - so I should be happy.
However the audiologist said people with connective tissue disorders have a high chance (80%) of hearing loss so I should expect it in future.

I said how do I have good hearing, yet literally go deaf when a person speaks over another or out in cafes or any noisy place?

She said she really thinks is a cognitive brain problem (not another fúcking neurology issue) and that there are misconnections and issues of misfiring in my brain. Wonderful.
I said so what causes that and she said they likely wont find a root cause but things like dyspraxia is one factor.
She said she needs to refer me to a certain hearing therapist - from all the singing of praises she done this lady doctor must be very good- and hoping I can see her before I go to Uni again in a few days time.
I said I am home in December and Easter but the dr said she is concerned and does not want me to leave without seeing someone.
Asked the dr what can fix it and she said its chronic?! So what, I am hearing impaired but my ears are healthy?!

So on Thursday I will be driving all the way to Ballymena to be reassessed on my dyspraxia as well which is a shít way to spend my last few days at home but these things need done.

I don't feel like I need to type out how thats making me feel.

BaaLamb

Failinis, glad to hear your hearing is ok but sorry to hear you have to spend the last few days of your holidays on the road and visiting doctors. I hope the dyspraxia assessment goes ok.

I'm just putting this sadness and despair I feel in writing here in the hope I can move past it in real life. OH had an interview today but it was with a large multi-national and there were lots of people being interviewed so I think his chances of getting through to the next stage are pretty low. We really need him to find work because I'm not having much luck and in theory he should be more employable than me. The stress really isn't helping me, my mood is up and down constantly. I am actually terrified we will end up homeless.

BaaLamb

Failinis, glad to hear your hearing is ok but sorry to hear you have to spend the last few days of your holidays on the road and visiting doctors. I hope the dyspraxia assessment goes ok.

I'm just putting this sadness and despair I feel in writing here in the hope I can move past it in real life. OH had an interview today but it was with a large multi-national and there were lots of people being interviewed so I think his chances of getting through to the next stage are pretty low. We really need him to find work because I'm not having much luck and in theory he should be more employable than me. The stress really isn't helping me, my mood is up and down constantly. I am actually terrified we will end up homeless.

CandyPixie

Hello Folks

Hope it's okay to post here. I suffer from acute anxiety, I seem to spend every waking hour worrying about what might happen, rather than 'getting on' with my life.

However, I allow my anxiety to completely control my body. Every muscle feels as tight as a coiled spring, and despite trying meditation and deep breathing, I sit in the chair for hours at a time, afraid to stand in case one of my tight muscles hurts. Obviously as a result of being so inactive, my muscles are weak. It's in no way health related, my general health is fine.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but I live in fear of what might occur, it's ruining my life, if you could call this a life.
I don't work, so therefore rarely have to leave the house, which I know is not a good thing.

I suppose my question is: Do others have actual physical manifestations in this way? Allowing their anxiety to control their body?

Sorry for the long post, but I'm desperate at this stage.

Hugo Stiglitz

CandyPixie wrote: »

Hello Folks

Hope it's okay to post here. I suffer from acute anxiety, I seem to spend every waking hour worrying about what might happen, rather than 'getting on' with my life.

However, I allow my anxiety to completely control my body. Every muscle feels as tight as a coiled spring, and despite trying meditation and deep breathing, I sit in the chair for hours at a time, afraid to stand in case one of my tight muscles hurts. Obviously as a result of being so inactive, my muscles are weak. It's in no way health related, my general health is fine.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but I live in fear of what might occur, it's ruining my life, if you could call this a life.
I don't work, so therefore rarely have to leave the house, which I know is not a good thing.

I suppose my question is: Do others have actual physical manifestations in this way? Allowing their anxiety to control their body?

Sorry for the long post, but I'm desperate at this stage.

Welcome to the thread, CP.