Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

trixychic

BaaLamb wrote: »

Having a really bad day today. Crying, Hopeless

Oh no baalamb what's happened?? Or is it just one of those days??

ivytwine

BaaLamb wrote: »

Having a really bad day today. Crying, Hopeless

Sending you a HUGE virtual hug 🀗

BaaLamb

Thanks both, hugs gratefully received ivytwine. Just a really crappy day I guess, I feel so hopeless and it just overwhelms me when I feel like this. Like I just want to lie down and give up.

failinis

Got an appointment to meet a counsellor on Monday morning, my tutor said she will mark me as present as I will be back by morning for classes.
I suppose thats good. Given a lot of Uni work to do so I guess thats keeping me on my toes.

trixychic

BaaLamb wrote: »

Thanks both, hugs gratefully received ivytwine. Just a really crappy day I guess, I feel so hopeless and it just overwhelms me when I feel like this. Like I just want to lie down and give up.

Sounds like you need to go to be, curl up in a ball and have a take away night... maybe with a Disney movie. They always help me. Hope you feel better soon.

Gremlinertia

On my way to work, OH is curled up at home feeling miserable and i wish I could be there for her still. I'm doing ok i guess but still problems forgetting my meds..

Shint0

Gremlinertia wrote: »

On my way to work, OH is curled up at home feeling miserable and i wish I could be there for her still. I'm doing ok i guess but still problems forgetting my meds..

Would any of these help? I might even consider getting one myself for my one tablet that has to be taken every second day which I sometimes forget.

http://www.livingmadeeasy.org.uk/personal%20care/pill-organisers-and-dosette-boxes-with-alarms-1307-p/

failinis

Shint0 wrote: »

Would any of these help? I might even consider getting one myself for my one tablet that has to be taken every second day which I sometimes forget.

http://www.livingmadeeasy.org.uk/personal%20care/pill-organisers-and-dosette-boxes-with-alarms-1307-p/

Now thats an invention!
I had to keep putting alarms on my phone when I had to take a certain tablet daily- if I missed a day I would get extreme leg spasms so I really knew when I forgot!

Gremlinertia

Hey Shint0 thanks, i usually have a fairly good routine but it's more me being stubborn lately, my mindset is worse recently..

failinis

I know I seemed pretty non plussed earlier but the past few days general health issues and pain have been creeping up and making me just feel like utter crap - I know its not mental health but christ pain can make you down.

Gremlinertia

failinis wrote: »

I know I seemed pretty non plussed earlier but the past few days general health issues and pain have been creeping up and making me just feel like utter crap - I know its not mental health but christ pain can make you down.

This a thousand times. My pain season for want of a better description is starting now and i'm really annoyed and down about it..

failinis

Gremlinertia wrote: »

This a thousand times. My pain season for want of a better description is starting now and i'm really annoyed and down about it..

I am never 100% pain free in a given day, no doubt you can sympathise - but the past month has been quiet enough but now its starting again.
Exact same mood.

I think my stomach ulcer is starting to return again which is giving me stress as it originally started due to medication which I have been off since.
The pain makes me stop talking mid sentence sometimes.
My bowels (generic IBS style problems) has been very bad the past few days - medicine finally worked after a few uncomfortable days but I honestly thought I started my period due to the blood - gave me a fright.
My left hip and my right knee, what a combination, :rolleyes: are very painful and the hip keeps mildly dislocating so its a nightmare to walk sometimes - it just comes on me. My rib pain is bad but its just a mild pain but constantly there.
My spine is always a bit of a handful but I know thats because of sitting at desks but I also feel that my curve has gotten worse so need re-xrayed.
Had a fever today I discovered after taking my temp, the paracetamol took that down.
Thats just the past 3 days and I get some more things thrown into the mix of that at different levels and I am getting very very sick of it.

I just want to go to bed and not wake up till I am right as rain.
But waiting for what is genetic always means its incurable - just "manageable".
Wont ever be 100% and I just find it depressing that maybe aged 11 was the last time I was generally healthy and pain free.

For my bowel for example, I would be wanting to see a bowel dr but waiting lists, and once I do I can't go and get a colonoscopy like anyone else but go to London to a specialist clinic possibly, because connective tissue is so easily damaged they dont want to risk hurting my bowel.
So I may not get that investigated for another few years.

I have a severe scar from heart surgery, it never healed correctly and if you touch it I will pass out (happened a few times) the nerves are just so turned to full blast there. Thats the only surgical cut I have.
I am meant to get an operation to see if I have endomertorsis - I dont want more scars that hurt like that especially on my abdomen which is already prone to bloating.

Nothing is straight forward and most doctors think I am a hypochondriac because connective tissue disease is rare and "what does a silly girl know".

I know thats a lot of moping and whining and "people can't walk" but its me who is going through the pain.
Its always other who tell me how much worse other people have it.

Gremlinertia

That's a whole pile to contend with, im nowhere as bad but when my back, neck, shoulders and arm are gone i can barely speak. Like you i can't really remember being pain free either.. One of the worst things is like mental health, it's mostly invisible so is easily written off. :mad:

failinis

Gremlinertia wrote: »

That's a whole pile to contend with, im nowhere as bad but when my back, neck, shoulders and arm are gone i can barely speak. Like you i can't really remember being pain free either.. One of the worst things is like mental health, it's mostly invisible so is easily written off. :mad:

I just said in a thread to someone else - does not matter who is "worse off" - because its only YOU who has to content with the pain and how draining it is.
Its not just sore, its so so tiring.
And its your body/mind so its all relative to you - and when it comes to illness then its "the worst thing in the world ever"
That applies to physical and mental health.

mickstupp

Big panic attack Friday. Chose the TOTALLY WRONG TIME to leave and go home, as there were billions of people on the train and bus. I am still tense and recovering. Is 'panic attack hangover' a thing?

Tell me how

mickstupp wrote:

Big panic attack Friday. Chose the TOTALLY WRONG TIME to leave and go home, as there were billions of people on the train and bus. I am still tense and recovering. Is 'panic attack hangover' a thing?

It could be.

Can you take any positive from the fact that you actually got through it?

Well done for doing so.

failinis

mickstupp wrote: »

Big panic attack Friday. Chose the TOTALLY WRONG TIME to leave and go home, as there were billions of people on the train and bus. I am still tense and recovering. Is 'panic attack hangover' a thing?

I would say the adrenaline drop would leave you very drained physically, and the stress leaves you drained emotionally.
As Tell me how says - you got through it.
I hope your better today.

mickstupp

Tell me how wrote: »

Can you take any positive from the fact that you actually got through it?

Oh yes: Never leave work at that time on a Friday ever again.

failinis

My friend spoke to no one on Friday at all (not online or anything) and I knew she was feeling bad the past few days.
However she messaged yesterday and we went to get dinner last night as she had nothing to eat all day - we got curry and sat on the pier, joined by a drunk homeless man half way through looking for smokes. It was nice and I am relieved that she was in a better mood.
Everyone needs a bad day to cry/sleep/etc but its important to get out of it as well.

She hates people fussing and gets embarassed as in past times people would call by her house to see if she was okay and acting like she was some child.

I told her if she is not talking to anyone for a day, thats grand, but I will be at her house the next day if she does not text me "I am okay" the next day.
Seems an okay way of working by ear anyway.
So I am more settled in that sense knowing she is as grand as she can be.

---

I am nervous for the counselling session tomorrow - its 20min walk from where I am (not adding in time for the hills in the way) so will leave early tomorrow to walk down.
Promising myself a nice hot chocolate or milkshake from a cafe that side of town to try and kick myself to get over there :rolleyes:

Other than that I am okay enough and just stressed about uni work but thats okay kind of stress right now.
Hope everyone is doing okay .

failinis

Been having cycles of thoughts today.

I am still waiting for some more ataxia blood results (which I am hoping are all negative) however when I get given them all as negative results - what then?

Something made doctors say I had tumour/cyst or lesions in my brain, they scanned my head and spine and found nothing (thank God).
Clearly, doctors can see certain symptoms in me that seem like alarm bells what is it that is wrong then?

My CTD blood tests will likely be negative and I will be entered to a research programme but CTD has never been known to effect the brain so I can't say its related even.

I know these questions are for my neurologist, but it does not stop my head asking me these questions. Stupid stupid head.

1moo345

Had overwhelming feeling of despair last night. Not a panic attack this time just so unbelievably sad and down. Medication seems to be helping with attacks but not much for depression this far. Been out for a month now and only very slight improvment. Finally got the guts to apply for illness benefit today money was.becoming another thing to stress about. Would love a "normal" life

Gremlinertia

I think this idea of 'normal' which is something I always strived for is not real.. I've come to the idea that self care is primary. I continue to work though I am not sure it's healthy for me, but i shower, i eat etc. I just do not believe in this construct that is normal..

By the way well done on applying for benefit, of all the things in my life i think the most stressful was dealing with social welfare etc.

failinis

Seen counsellor today for first time.

Seemed pointless, the woman was visibly shocked/effected by what I told her, I would much prefer a "poker face".

I may go back for another 2 sessions before deciding to stop or not.

Emailed a solicitor to ask if they do the 30min free session, I would like to know where I legally stand with my stalker and what my next steps could be.
Doubt I will ever end up in court over it but I would feel more secure knowing what could happen, should things get out of my control.
So just need to see what they say.

1moo345

Gremlinertia wrote:

By the way well done on applying for benefit, of all the things in my life i think the most stressful was dealing with social welfare etc.

Thanks I feel that way. I mean normal as in being able to function again and do normal things. Youre so right

Shint0

failinis wrote: »

Seen counsellor today for first time.

Seemed pointless, the woman was visibly shocked/effected by what I told her, I would much prefer a "poker face".

I may go back for another 2 sessions before deciding to stop or not.

It's a big step, failinis, and you have been waiting so long. It will probably be tough going for the first while. Her reaction was probably showing her human side. Everybody's human and counsellors would be no different but I think it's important you feel comfortable with them. So it's good you are going to give her another try a couple of more times to get a sense of her. She might be different after the first session once she has had a chance to become familiar with your situation but if you don't like her particular approach you could look for somebody else whose style you feel more comfortable with. That wouldn't be uncommon.

failinis

Shint0 wrote: »

It's a big step, failinis, and you have been waiting so long. It will probably be tough going for the first while. Her reaction was probably showing her human side. Everybody's human and counsellors would be no different but I think it's important you feel comfortable with them. So it's good you are going to give her another try a couple of more times to get a sense of her. She might be different after the first session once she has had a chance to become familiar with your situation but if you don't like her particular approach you could look for somebody else whose style you feel more comfortable with. That wouldn't be uncommon.

I am really tempted to not go back at all.
The solicitors replied saying they can't help and suggested applying for legal aid.
Will just leave it now.

Wilberto

failinis wrote: »

I am really tempted to not go back at all.
The solicitors replied saying they can't help and suggested applying for legal aid.
Will just leave it now.

Maybe you can try the free legal advice centre?

Just a thought anyway.

failinis

Wilberto wrote: »

Maybe you can try the free legal advice centre?

Just a thought anyway.

I am from NI so would need to try and get one thats relevant as I think the laws are different. But yeah I will try.
I contacted a charity about stalking in the UK and they said they don't do NI. :mad:

sunbeam29

So since my official diagnosis four years ago (depression with suicidal tendencies) I've undergone just about all the treatments our country has to offer. I'm on the medication, I've tried the CBT, I'm seeing the therapists, I've done the exercise/meditation/journal-ling, improved my diet, gone on the vitamins.

I have an excellent doctor who doesn't believe in bullsh*t and has given many 'mental health professionals' an absolute hiding for not pulling their weight when it came to my treatment in the past.

Despite all this, I feel worse than ever.
Is there something I'm missing?
Some super secret treatment?

I'd love some advice because I have a lot of people depending on me recovering/feeling better.

Tell me how

sunbeam29 wrote:

I'd love some advice because I have a lot of people depending on me recovering/feeling better.

I think I know how you're feeling sunbeam. It can be so devastating to be doing everything, and still to be struggling.

This might sound weird but maybe going back to ground zero and starting again might give some inclination as to what exactly you need.
Even if it meant weaning off meds (under supervision!!) and then seeing where you're at and what you truly need.

Please don't think I mean abandon anything that is working for you but maybe try to confirm that you are on best treatment.

I've done similar and it helped me.