Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

Black Swan

trixychic wrote: »

Nope your good. And spot on. Is java a coffee?? I'm going through an ice cream phase right now to help with my pain. Think it's making me a bit doolally too.

I just love coffee (java), along with the comfy atmosphere of a javahouse, hanging out with friends, while we solve all the problems encountered in our Brave New World, especially after drinking a tall rich dark roast.

trixychic

Black Swan wrote: »

I just love coffee (java), along with the comfy atmosphere of a javahouse, hanging out with friends, while we solve all the problems encountered in our Brave New World, especially after drinking a tall rich dark roast.

Sounds lovely... bar the fact I don't drink tea or coffee. Ha

trixychic

Just had a major blow up at nine other than my wonderful OH who has been nothing but amazing for the past so while I'm in pain. Even with the boys.

He's working, cleaning, cooking and shopping and I just ducking blew my lid at him.

I have no idea why. I feel so down, upset and angry this evening. And I'm getting real bad canin fever too. Can't believe I just did that. The tears are coming hard and fast... which is only adding to my pain!!!! Feel absolutely AWFUL!!!

Tell me how

trixychic wrote:

I have no idea why. I feel so down, upset and angry this evening. And I'm getting real bad canin fever too. Can't believe I just did that. The tears are coming hard and fast... which is only adding to my pain!!!! Feel absolutely AWFUL!!!

I'm sure he understands. Give him a hug if you can or a text if he's not there.

Hugo Stiglitz

Hope you feel better soon, TC.

trixychic

Tell me how wrote: »

I'm sure he understands. Give him a hug if you can or a text if he's not there.

No he's here. He totally gets it and is saying I don't need to apologise and he loved me and its ok and he's cuddling me tightly... All of which just makes me feel 100 times more guilty.

veganrun

Not doing so well at the moment. Had a meeting with my manager yesterday and he suggested doing a training course to help me with aspects of my job. For some reason this isn't sitting well with me and I feel like it's saying I can't do my job or I'm not good enough, which is probably not the case. I'm also thinking "here we go, step 1 in making me redundant".

It's been bothering me since yesterday even though I asked him straight out was there a problem with what I was doing and he said no. He's a good manager, very calm and he broached the subject in a gentle way, I'm just not reacting that well. I start to think "I know I find certain aspects tricky but the training won't help as my brain can't process the concepts and that will lead to it becoming a problem and me getting sacked".

I had a horrible nights sleep, very bad dreams and woke up thinking about this training.

Hugo Stiglitz

veganrun wrote: »

Not doing so well at the moment. Had a meeting with my manager yesterday and he suggested doing a training course to help me with aspects of my job. For some reason this isn't sitting well with me and I feel like it's saying I can't do my job or I'm not good enough, which is probably not the case. I'm also thinking "here we go, step 1 in making me redundant".

It's been bothering me since yesterday even though I asked him straight out was there a problem with what I was doing and he said no. He's a good manager, very calm and he broached the subject in a gentle way, I'm just not reacting that well. I start to think "I know I find certain aspects tricky but the training won't help as my brain can't process the concepts and that will lead to it becoming a problem and me getting sacked".

I had a horrible nights sleep, very bad dreams and woke up thinking about this training.

Sorry to hear that, VR. It's never nice to have stress like that placed on you.

veganrun

Thanks.

It wasn't even that bad an idea but it's completely derailed me for some reason. I guess part of it is feeling that they're saying I'm not doing the job as well as I could. I can't seem to focus now and I'm feeling tired and a bit annoyed/upset/frustrated. When I get like this I just don't want to talk to people or eat or anything. It's stupid that I'm reacting this way over something so minor.

Does anyone else get like this?

Tell me how

veganrun wrote: »

Thanks.

It wasn't even that bad an idea but it's completely derailed me for some reason. I guess part of it is feeling that they're saying I'm not doing the job as well as I could. I can't seem to focus now and I'm feeling tired and a bit annoyed/upset/frustrated. When I get like this I just don't want to talk to people or eat or anything. It's stupid that I'm reacting this way over something so minor.

Does anyone else get like this?

For me, it's understandable to have doubts. I always compare myself to others on some level even though I know (and believe) I shouldn't I still do it. If I do something well or succeed at something I usually feel that that's a sign that it wasn't that difficult in the first place and anyone could have done it.

Companies are encouraged to have employee development programs, even for people who are doing well, it's an opportunity to improve further. A kind of continuous improvement process more so than a sign that something is wrong. This could quite possibly be the case in this circumstance.

See the part in bold above. This is also part of how you feel about it. Try to focus on this element rather than the negative thoughts if you can.

failinis

Seen my GP today who said I likely have some kind of UTI (never had one before so yay first time for everything) but gave me strong antibiotics.
She asked if I was allergic to antibiotics but I said I have never had any ever (unless I did as a small child) and I don't know.
Then the pharmacist asked me again and commented that these are strong tablets (only take them 5 days) and now I am too scared to take them.
My head keeps saying I will have a massive reaction and die before I can get any help. Which is stupid. but I am far too scared to take any.
I dont want to go back to dr or pharmacist as I will look so stupid.

ivytwine

failinis wrote: »

Seen my GP today who said I likely have some kind of UTI (never had one before so yay first time for everything) but gave me strong antibiotics.
She asked if I was allergic to antibiotics but I said I have never had any ever (unless I did as a small child) and I don't know.
Then the pharmacist asked me again and commented that these are strong tablets (only take them 5 days) and now I am too scared to take them.
My head keeps saying I will have a massive reaction and die before I can get any help. Which is stupid. but I am far too scared to take any.
I dont want to go back to dr or pharmacist as I will look so stupid.

Ach sorry to hear that. I'm sure you know that rationally, but they are only covering their own ass.

UTIs are pretty painful so I do hope you can take the tablets. Hugs failinis x

failinis

Cancelled any further appointments with counsellor.

trixychic

failinis wrote: »

Seen my GP today who said I likely have some kind of UTI (never had one before so yay first time for everything) but gave me strong antibiotics.
She asked if I was allergic to antibiotics but I said I have never had any ever (unless I did as a small child) and I don't know.
Then the pharmacist asked me again and commented that these are strong tablets (only take them 5 days) and now I am too scared to take them.
My head keeps saying I will have a massive reaction and die before I can get any help. Which is stupid. but I am far too scared to take any.
I dont want to go back to dr or pharmacist as I will look so stupid.

It was the UTI that put me in hospital on Fri. I normally try to flush it out but if they give me meds I don't say no!!!

These things can get unbearably painful!!!

Hugo Stiglitz

Feel like I'm beginning to spiral again. So many notions are darting around my head here.

trixychic

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Feel like I'm beginning to spiral again. So many notions are darting around my head here.

Do you need to share??

veganrun

Tell me how wrote: »

veganrun wrote: »

Thanks.

It wasn't even that bad an idea but it's completely derailed me for some reason. I guess part of it is feeling that they're saying I'm not doing the job as well as I could. I can't seem to focus now and I'm feeling tired and a bit annoyed/upset/frustrated. When I get like this I just don't want to talk to people or eat or anything. It's stupid that I'm reacting this way over something so minor.

Does anyone else get like this?

For me, it's understandable to have doubts. I always compare myself to others on some level even though I know (and believe) I shouldn't I still do it. If I do something well or succeed at something I usually feel that that's a sign that it wasn't that difficult in the first place and anyone could have done it.

Companies are encouraged to have employee development programs, even for people who are doing well, it's an opportunity to improve further. A kind of continuous improvement process more so than a sign that something is wrong. This could quite possibly be the case in this circumstance.

See the part in bold above. This is also part of how you feel about it. Try to focus on this element rather than the negative thoughts if you can.

Yeah it's not really a bad idea but as someone who has little confidence in themselves and their skills, it doesn't take a lot to shake it. Also part of it is that I've kind of thought that all along that I didn't fully understand this stuff and now I feel like it's "coming home to roost". I know I'm making a big deal out of it and it's not my managers job to appease my stupid thought process.

I moved home to the north almost a year and a half ago as I was fed up of Dublin for multiple reasons. Over the last while though I've been wanting to move back. Not to the point of actually doing anything about it, but I do miss it from time to time. It's nice living at home but I have no friends here anymore so part of me thinks I need to move closer to work (I work in Belfast but live in a rural area) or move back to Dublin. I guess this wee issue at work has stoked the fires again about moving back. But as one of my family said, I left Dublin for a reason.

I do get confused at times. I'm 39, live at home and have no plans or ability to buy a house or anything. I'm single and have never been in a long term relationship (although I was always open to that). Part of me thinks I should "put roots down" somewhere but I'm so unsettled almost anywhere I go I feel like if I do, I will become trapped.

Shint0

Hope you're ok, Hugo. Try to think of things which helped keep you up in the past and what has worked before for you.

failinis

Not good

1moo345

Feeling horrible. Fed up with everything but also worrying about everything. Want to just get away

jezzer

1moo345 wrote: »

Feeling horrible. Fed up with everything but also worrying about everything. Want to just get away

I hear ya, I wonder is it the time of year? not summer not winter, sort of limbo or no mans land..... i find it difficult to get up in the mornings, talking an extra minute or two each day, thinking whats the bloody point in coming into this workplace, pointless work, pointless outcome, hateful people, all i do it for is a wage to keep me above water, its such a bloody waste of time, i spend most of my life with people i cant stand and dont see enough of those that matter. A long commute each day just to get that pay cheque...i have been having very odd dreams of mad stuff happening, worried going to bed worried getting up, its very draining, i just have to keep going though and make changes where and when i can but its certainly not easy

jezzer

veganrun wrote: »

Yeah it's not really a bad idea but as someone who has little confidence in themselves and their skills, it doesn't take a lot to shake it. Also part of it is that I've kind of thought that all along that I didn't fully understand this stuff and now I feel like it's "coming home to roost". I know I'm making a big deal out of it and it's not my managers job to appease my stupid thought process.

I moved home to the north almost a year and a half ago as I was fed up of Dublin for multiple reasons. Over the last while though I've been wanting to move back. Not to the point of actually doing anything about it, but I do miss it from time to time. It's nice living at home but I have no friends here anymore so part of me thinks I need to move closer to work (I work in Belfast but live in a rural area) or move back to Dublin. I guess this wee issue at work has stoked the fires again about moving back. But as one of my family said, I left Dublin for a reason.

I do get confused at times. I'm 39, live at home and have no plans or ability to buy a house or anything. I'm single and have never been in a long term relationship (although I was always open to that). Part of me thinks I should "put roots down" somewhere but I'm so unsettled almost anywhere I go I feel like if I do, I will become trapped.

Many people experience the same situation as you regarding where you reside. Its part of this country for many people unfortunatley, due to the lack of work around the country, many people have to go to dublin for work, dublin can get in on you and many including myself dont like it, the other side of the coin, if we spend many years in dublin, the people back home change and many also move away, the draw of home is always there for most people even though it may not be where they think they should be....i think your family member is right, you left dublin for a reason and perhaps you are looking back in rose tinted glasses...my advice is to stop entertaining any notions of moving back to dublin, thats in your past, you now have to make the decision of either belfast or home....take a good long look at where home is for you, despite your current situation, do you see a future there for yourself? what can change? what changes can you make? maybe begin to work on and plan getting a boyfriend/girlfriend, that would completely change things for you, maybe belfast is the place you can do that? as we get older its always good to be close to home especially if we have no partner in life, look ahead not back, you are actually lucky, you have options, start considering them and best of luck!

failinis

I don't think I have enough words to explain here but I am upset at peoples attempt at trying to control my freedom and I am so angry as well.
Seen my counsellor, even though I cancelled on them they let me come again regardless.

Just shook up and even more scared of being homeless.

trixychic

Not sure if it's the meds or what but feeling awful again. Just snapped at OH again.

And I'm craving junk food. After sending him to get take away again.

Could this be my depression relapsing??? I had gotten it under control but i am feeling awful.

Notsomindful

trixychic wrote: »

Not sure if it's the meds or what but feeling awful again. Just snapped at OH again.

And I'm craving junk food. After sending him to get take away again.

Could this be my depression relapsing??? I had gotten it under control but i am feeling awful.

Hugs tc.
Take into account how physically sick you are at min, that wont help your mood.

1moo345

Starting to panic now, in debt. Not able to pay rent this month. Still waiting for illness benefit. Cannot go to the doctor this week as have no money. Feel lost but don't even care.

failinis

Relief as I finished a project thats due tomorrow afternoon so I can organise sketchbooks tomorrow at leisure.

Sent an angry, but, polite (if that makes sense) reply after my landlady texted me some rubbish.

Still not cleared the air between me and my mother, I will soon I just need time to get rid of my anger.

I had a really bad "episode" of being very worried about my medical results again last night which was horrible and its still playing in my head.

Wondering if I can afford to not go home when I graduate (unlikely) and if I will ever get anywhere as an artist.

I don't want my medical results to be serious.

Gremlinertia

1moo345 wrote: »

Starting to panic now, in debt. Not able to pay rent this month. Still waiting for illness benefit. Cannot go to the doctor this week as have no money. Feel lost but don't even care.

Post in the social benefits section and also get to your cwo in the morning.

1moo345

Got onto them this morning, appearantly the doctors part re medical info was incomplete so need him to fill it again before any payment great...

BaaLamb

1moo345 wrote: »

Got onto them this morning, appearantly the doctors part re medical info was incomplete so need him to fill it again before any payment great...

Awww that is dreadful. Have you contacted the Community Welfare Officer yet? They should be able to help you out while waiting on the payment. I hope you are ok.