Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

failinis

Finished a project today and now I am left with my own thoughts catching up with me and no thanks to them.

Just concerned about medical stuff, specifically neurological but also the connective tissue as a side line, ya know, just to spice it up a bit

Notsomindful

So triggered by an ignorant man. Sorry for rant

i am a member of a choir, youngest member is me. So one man keeps making little remarks about me like "oh she is blocking the sign etc.... " but wont pass remarks on the mainly senior citizens members. So tonight we had a performance for charity, we were asked to wear black and.white which i did but wore light black cardigan...this man told me " wheres your white top? Take that off for camera" as we were getting group shot. He saw nothing wrong with comment.

I am raging- felt horrible and still do. He is at least twice my age and to say that to a woman. I told him it was inappropriate to say. Said it to our conductor and she said dont entertain negative energy. It was a inappropriate comment.
Tbh, i feel so horrible and uncomfortable since he said it, almost panicky. He wouldnt say it to anyone else. Tbh , it would turn me off going back to group. Just felt disrespected.

Thing is , as i am pregnant I am off most of my meds so this is hitting me.hard. reason i cover my arms is due to.old scars so was hard to nt panic.

Regardless, people have no right to talk that way.

failinis

Sorry you had to go through that (seemingly been through similar things quite often from that guy).
The conductor woman should wise up, "negative energy" bollocks - he made a few comments and you should not be told to accept it.

Notsomindful

failinis wrote: »

Sorry you had to go through that (seemingly been through similar things quite often from that guy).
The conductor woman should wise up, "negative energy" bollocks - he made a few comments and you should not be told to accept it.

Thanks exactly my thoughts. My youth is making me a target for him.

failinis

I feel like I am just waiting to hear which medical results I get.
Trying to write up notes about an essay I need to have handed in at end of Nov I dont even understand the question and I dont know where to start, whats the point in this essay when I can hardly do a huge dissertation next year. I will end up going back home, having no job, being unhappy and just waiting to see how much longer I can stick it.

1moo345

The fact that people in this thread are so caring even set me off. Had a long night, didn't sleep, feeling like I used to. It's like a comfortable sadness.

Gremlinertia

I'm heading home after work in misery, pain has me drained and down again. Hoping my night meds might give me some peace. Hugs to to you failinis and you also moo.

trixychic

Gremlinertia wrote: »

I'm heading home after work in misery, pain has me drained and down again. Hoping my night meds might give me some peace. Hugs to to you failinis and you also moo.

Oh Grem I hope you sleep well. Xxx

Tell me how

1moo345 wrote:

It's like a comfortable sadness.

I know this feeling. So sad but yet ok with it.

norwegianwood

Hi everyone, I was hoping to get a bit of advice from people in this thread. At the moment I'm studying part-time (I'm halfway through an online masters from UCD), working full-time in a fairly demanding job and I've also recently moved from Cork to Dublin. Although I like Dublin, I'm finding being away from home a bit isolating and I've no idea how to go out and make friends. I know that things like meetups exist but I don't think I'd be confident enough to do to one.

At the moment I'm finding it really hard to cope with everything, as I'm dealing with anxiety and depression at the same time. It feels like too much and at the moment I'm completely miserable. I don't want to tell anyone in work about my mental health issues as I see them every day, I don't want them thinking that I'm weak but at the same time I don't feel able to cope with all the pressure I'm under.

My main question that I'd like opinions on is whether I should talk to my lecturers, tell them what I'm dealing with and see whether I might be able to have extra time to finish assignments and things like that. Last year I got top grades in every module but at the moment I'm struggling to keep up with lectures and get essays in on time. Has anyone discussed things like this with lecturers in the past, and what kind of responses did you get? Thanks

Gremlinertia

Norwegian, absolutely talk to your lecturers, i've had similar in the past and usually found the education sector very willing to adjust and assist..

Nyctolust

I hate nights like these. I have a test in the morning but I've barely been able to study during the weekend, and I know that trying to cram at 1am when I have a headache isn't going to work, but my anxiety is getting the best of me and I can't get my body to shut down. One third of my brain is saying "It's only one silly class test, stop being a gob****e and get on with it", another third telling me "Well you always get high grades in this class and everyone has such high expectations of you and you know you'll hate yourself if you don't live up to that well enough", and the other third of my brain is completely apathetic and just doesn't care either way. I hate that it's only October and I'm already like this, it feels so stupid that I'm in my final year now and still being such an annoyance about things like this. It would be grand if me having bad mental health days/nights like this wasn't such a ridiculously regular thing.

1moo345

Thanks x had a breakdown last night went a little crazy on emotions and decided to start drinking. I know its not a good thing to do. I used to rely on it a lot until it got unhealthy. It waa the first time in a while but it almost felt good. With the meds I have it feels like I can get nothing out like I need to cry but can't
So I cried a lot yesterday and it felt good. Stayed up all night and subsequently slept all day today and all night. Not healthy I know but felt needed. My oh is a godsend I don't know what would happen if it wasn't for him.
I am currently awake worrying again, I have a meeting with Hr at work today to discuss my return and I just feel like it's not going to happen. I don't hold jobs down very well but this is the first time I asked for help. I am considering giving notice tomorrow and just taking time to be better without having to worry about them and how unfair it is on them. Financially we managed to sort out the problems so will be ok I think. Yesterday was the first time I felt like just ending everything in a long time. Any advice please

failinis

Felt like I did not earn or deserve to do anything good for myself past few days, really bad yesterday.
Forgot about appointments totally even though I even had it written on my hand.

Met a friend, was having a good time, there was a sea gull less than a metre watching us eat, I joke "he will get run over", keeping in mind we were beside a quiet car park by the pier. Literally within 30secs of me saying that, a car runs that ****er over - you heard the thuds and cracking of bones and one screech of pain, when he came into view he was seizing and blood from the mouth. I ran over and by the time I lifted him up he had died. We double checked he was dead for sure and walked down the pier steps to let him float off.
I have not cried but you get what I mean when it was a sobering thing. Makes you realise how **** happens to any one.

Got blood taken to be tested for Rheumatoid arthritis today. Worried about essay. Not happy.

failinis

Just got emailed that the learning support section of the Uni have to remove all of my essay support because the NI Education Library Board rejected my dyslexia/dyspraxia "claims" even though I was tested this summer by a recognised member of educational psychology whatever.

I wont be able to do this simple essay myself, never mind the large dissertation next year so I may have to drop out and be some dumb **** of a failure.

Wanderer78

failinis wrote: »

Just got emailed that the learning support section of the Uni have to remove all of my essay support because the NI Education Library Board rejected my dyslexia/dyspraxia "claims" even though I was tested this summer by a recognised member of educational psychology whatever.

I wont be able to do this simple essay myself, never mind the large dissertation next year so I may have to drop out and be some dumb **** of a failure.

i had to drop out of a masters some time ago due to the reduction of services in the disability office at the university. im also dyslexic. do you have an official report from a registered educational psychologist? disability office recommended i returned to the psychologist for further testing and for a nice new letter stating my situation for further extensions etc. it worked to a degree but i eventually had to withdraw due to stress.

failinis

Wanderer78 wrote: »

i had to drop out of a masters some time ago due to the reduction of services in the disability office at the university. im also dyslexic. do you have an official report from a registered educational psychologist? disability office recommended i returned to the psychologist for further testing and for a nice new letter stating my situation for further extensions etc. it worked to a degree but i eventually had to withdraw due to stress.

I have an official report from a registered Educational psychologist (From July 2016) plus the report when I was young in 1999.

I can't afford to fly home, and pay for a new report.

Its just a mess and I don't deserve anymore help.

Wanderer78

failinis wrote: »

I have an official report from a registered Educational psychologist (From July 2016) plus the report when I was young in 1999.

I can't afford to fly home, and pay for a new report.

Its just a mess and I don't deserve anymore help.

hmmm now that is annoying. i assume theres cost saving measures in place, this is why my support was reduced. you shouldnt have to pay for a new report. can you ask them for a more detailed reason for your support rejection? you deserve as much support as you require for your situation and anybody else in the same situation as you.

Gremlinertia

Hell of a setback, bloody awful. Spend some time on a plan of attack, don't wave a white flag yet. You're not a failure, i don't always consider myself one even though I'm closing in on forty and never really managed much.. But I'm still here somehow. Some stubborn thing in me keeps me going. We'll keep going, hugs to you.

failinis

I just keep failing at no matter what I do.

Could have some ****ing brain rotting disease and waiting for tests.

Could have Rheumatoid Arthritis as an artist which is my worst nightmare, waiting for tests.

Could have CTD which will slowly kick my body down.

Tried running away from a stalker but ****ing up at uni means I have to return to where he is.

No matter what, everything will go wrong and its just a matter of waiting to see when and which version.
I don't think I want to wait to find out which is going to be wrong anymore.

Wanderer78

failinis wrote: »

I just keep failing at no matter what I do.

Could have some ****ing brain rotting disease and waiting for tests.

Could have Rheumatoid Arthritis as an artist which is my worst nightmare, waiting for tests.

Could have CTD which will slowly kick my body down.

Tried running away from a stalker but ****ing up at uni means I have to return to where he is.

No matter what, everything will go wrong and its just a matter of waiting to see when and which version.
I don't think I want to wait to find out which is going to be wrong anymore.

you're overthinking all of this now and getting ahead of yourself. exams and pieces of paper dont make a person.

im showing signs of Rheumatoid Arthritis as well but hasnt shown up in tests yet. i play guitar but it doesnt interfere too much yet, and im just about to hit 40. i assume you're younger?

you seem to be very highly strung. do you do any form of exercise?

failinis

Wanderer78 wrote: »

you're overthinking all of this now and getting ahead of yourself. exams and pieces of paper dont make a person.

im showing signs of Rheumatoid Arthritis as well but hasnt shown up in tests yet. i play guitar but it doesnt interfere too much yet, and im just about to hit 40. i assume you're younger?

you seem to be very highly strung. do you do any form of exercise?

If I stay at Uni then I am not in Ireland, not near my stalker. I could fail my degree and still "be" an artist - its not something you get on paper I know.
Ive just worked so hard to get to this point and genuinely love the art side of my degree but just fall at the essays and now I have no support.

If I do have what the doctors seem to think its all ****ing pointless because I will slowly become paralysed and just not worth even continuing.

I am young, RA symptoms since I was 14 but only got blood taken to be tested a few days ago. I have badly inflamed rib cartilage and joint pain in my toes, ankles, knees, left hip and shoulder and knuckles along with bad Raynuard Syndrome. Often get fevers with no "origin".

I can't do much exercise, no contact sports, or cycling or running due to CTD but I was told I could swim but the cold water makes my raynuards worse and I get severe leg/foot/arm/hand cramps and spasms. Plus I need to learn to swim which I have tried but the spasming gets far too much.
If walking "counts" I have no car so need to walk quite a lot every day.
But my hips semi dislocates a lot and aches so I walk for need not pleasure.

I am just waiting to see the results of medical tests to see if its all worth it.

Wanderer78

failinis wrote: »

If I stay at Uni then I am not in Ireland, not near my stalker. I could fail my degree and still "be" an artist - its not something you get on paper I know.
Ive just worked so hard to get to this point and genuinely love the art side of my degree but just fall at the essays and now I have no support.

If I do have what the doctors seem to think its all ****ing pointless because I will slowly become paralysed and just not worth even continuing.

I am young, RA symptoms since I was 14 but only got blood taken to be tested a few days ago. I have badly inflamed rib cartilage and joint pain in my toes, ankles, knees, left hip and shoulder and knuckles along with bad Raynuard Syndrome. Often get fevers with no "origin".

I can't do much exercise, no contact sports, or cycling or running due to CTD but I was told I could swim but the cold water makes my raynuards worse and I get severe leg/foot/arm/hand cramps and spasms. Plus I need to learn to swim which I have tried but the spasming gets far too much.
If walking "counts" I have no car so need to walk quite a lot every day.
But my hips semi dislocates a lot and aches so I walk for need not pleasure.

I am just waiting to see the results of medical tests to see if its all worth it.

hmmm maybe give the swimming a go again, are you swimming in a pool? i was a keen swimmer, was swimming almost everyday at one stage, its very relaxing. i find even going to a pool to splash around and use the other facilities(steam room, sauna etc), can be very relaxing

failinis

Wanderer78 wrote: »

hmmm maybe give the swimming a go again, are you swimming in a pool? i was a keen swimmer, was swimming almost everyday at one stage, its very relaxing. i find even going to a pool to splash around and use the other facilities(steam room, sauna etc), can be very relaxing

Its a swimming pool (would never use the sea unless I was a confident swimmer) but even in swimming pools the spasms start so severely - when exposed to the cold (air or water) it happens. I wish I could.

Nyctolust

It's really bloody exhausting trying to keep my stupid mouth shut about everything because I know I just annoy everyone, but my head is getting really bad again. Not a great time for this.

trixychic

Mum just phoned. She's on her way for a surprise visit... with the kids Christmas Advent calendars.... not that I asked her to get them. I like to let them pick them out.

Gremlinertia

Some rough stuff happening for you all here, hopefully you can manage to set aside some calm me time..

trixychic

And mums visit triggered a serious bout of IBS attacks. Had to get neighbour to drop ds to school again this morning.

1moo345

Meeting with crisis nurse tomorrow, so scared does anyone have experience of this

ivytwine

I'm under a LOT of pressure at the moment. Work is a nightmare, moving house next week (and that has been an ordeal, let me tell you). And a few other things. Head is not in a good place.
I find myself getting a bit unkind and impatient cos I'm so stressed and I really hate that. A colleague messed up on something which she'd reviewed three times already and then asked me to change it (just as I was getting ready to leave!) and I just looked at her and said "are you serious?" Felt a bit bad about it, because I do like her and she's a nice person.
My best friend... I kinda find myself holding my tongue with her. She's got a big project on and she's wasting so much time online and getting herself in a vicious circle. It's been hard not to snap