Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

failinis

Im not sure when next, wednesday, friday? I have it written somewhere. I can't get to a hospital even if I wanted to where I am living, no buses or trains now. They wont be able to lift this from me.

Gremlinertia

Mess of a predicament, helplines always there for the rant, a matter of helping through rather than over i guess. I hope you can find enough peace to rest..

failinis

I dont even know what needs to be talked over, I just feel like I dont deserve anything and I cant explain

Gremlinertia

That's where ranting in a kind of stream of consciousness type of style can help.. I get locked up and numb and speechless sometimes but usually i can find something i have a feeling about and start with that.. Mostly i write long sprawling letters as i don't really want anyone to see half the crap i spew though

failinis

I really don't know anymore. I just feel so worthless and its just hit me like a bus. I dont see how I can redeem myself because i dont understand what I have done wrong

Gremlinertia

Guilt and shame can be huge parts of illness of any type, perhaps you haven't done anything wrong but feel the need to beat yourself up anyway.. Write a lot of notes to bring to your doc on stuff like this.. I have what my doc calls a 'mood journal' i hate that term intensely but it's what i do anyway because it has helped..

failinis

I was always feeling like ****e down to medical reasons and that was semi logical but this is different.
There is no obvious/clear cause at all. Ive not eaten and I know thats ****ing awful and I have not showered, Ive had about 5hrs of broken sleep and just I just dont know anymore. I dont deserve anyones time or help.

Gremlinertia

Everyone deserves care, we just don't always feel worthy of it.. I hope you can get some rest tonight, that'll help you be easier on yourself..

failinis

its just si hard

Wanderer78

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Guilt and shame can be huge parts of illness of any type, perhaps you haven't done anything wrong but feel the need to beat yourself up anyway.. Write a lot of notes to bring to your doc on stuff like this.. I have what my doc calls a 'mood journal' i hate that term intensely but it's what i do anyway because it has helped..

i was recommended to do this by a psychologist before, even though i didnt do it, i do think its a good idea. please take good care of yourself failinis. you do deserve to be happy and to get whatever help you require. i wish you the very best of luck

failinis

I actually need to see a dr for a physical issue and may have to go to a&e tomorrow to wait a few hours.
I cant talk to a dr about how I feel because they will say I am a danger to myself and might not let me leave. so i would miss even more uni. I have projects to do.

Wilberto

failinis wrote: »

I was always feeling like ****e down to medical reasons and that was semi logical but this is different.
There is no obvious/clear cause at all. Ive not eaten and I know thats ****ing awful and I have not showered, Ive had about 5hrs of broken sleep and just I just dont know anymore. I dont deserve anyones time or help.

I know broken sleep can be so detrimental to mental health. Even at the moment for the last few nights I've really been struggling to get some proper sleep, and I've been really struggling through the days with very unpleasant thoughts as a result.

Also, behind what you're struggling with at the moment, I am 100% sure, is a caring, and loving individual who deserves to live the life of their choosing. You may not be able to see it at the moment because all you can see is the face of your illness but, to echo what has been said throughout this thread, you are not your illness.


Take care Failinis and I sincerely hope you get through this rough patch unscathed, and come out all the more stronger for it as well.

Tell me how

failinis wrote:

its just si hard

You are right failinis. It is hard. Really hard.
Everything Gremlinertia has said is true. There are a lot of people reading this thread who have been where you are. Some are still there. But those that have had the darkness lift know that it's worth fighting through.
All you can do is keep fighting.

Don't try to think whether or not this can be fixed, just know that it won't beat you.

LegacyUser

Hi all, new to this forum. I was diagnosed last year with anxiety and depression and was put on antidepressants eventually raising the mgs to 150. Was having a really stressful couple of years, my dad became very ill and I am my mother's carer. I found the medication eventually helped and I was slowly returning to my normal (ish) self. My doctor has gone on maternity leave and her replacement suggested I wean myself off them which I did. The only side effects I had were electric shocks but I expected these. However my mood has deteriorated and I find myself slipping into bad habits again. The crankiness, lack of motivation and just general down days. I suffer from headaches badly too and these have multiplied. When I told the doctor she said she didn't want to put me back on antidepressants and I should try mindfulness. It doesn't work, I can't switch my brain off and now I'm not sleeping either. I have an appointment with her next week, should I be more insistent that I need to go back on medication or does she really have a point that I should be trying to deal with it other ways? Sorry for the long winded post.

pookiesboo

Hi all, new to this forum. I was diagnosed last year with anxiety and depression and was put on antidepressants eventually raising the mgs to 150. Was having a really stressful couple of years, my dad became very ill and I am my mother's carer. I found the medication eventually helped and I was slowly returning to my normal (ish) self. My doctor has gone on maternity leave and her replacement suggested I wean myself off them which I did. The only side effects I had were electric shocks but I expected these. However my mood has deteriorated and I find myself slipping into bad habits again. The crankiness, lack of motivation and just general down days. I suffer from headaches badly too and these have multiplied. When I told the doctor she said she didn't want to put me back on antidepressants and I should try mindfulness. It doesn't work, I can't switch my brain off and now I'm not sleeping either. I have an appointment with her next week, should I be more insistent that I need to go back on medication or does she really have a point that I should be trying to deal with it other ways? Sorry for the long winded post.

Gremlinertia

Howdy Pookies, it sounds like you've done all the right things so talking to the doctor again may indeed have a different outcome. You know you best so if you feel like you should be more insistent then you absolutely should..
Also, welcome to the thread post away whenever you want, always someone around reading and understanding

pookiesboo

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Howdy Pookies, it sounds like you've done all the right things so talking to the doctor again may indeed have a different outcome. You know you best so if you feel like you should be more insistent then you absolutely should..
Also, welcome to the thread post away whenever you want, always someone around reading and understanding

Thanks! It feels like one step forward and two back but like you said I know myself better and definitely feel as low as I did a year ago. Hopefully she'll be more open to the idea next week.

Wilberto

pookiesboo wrote: »

Hi all, new to this forum. I was diagnosed last year with anxiety and depression and was put on antidepressants eventually raising the mgs to 150. Was having a really stressful couple of years, my dad became very ill and I am my mother's carer. I found the medication eventually helped and I was slowly returning to my normal (ish) self. My doctor has gone on maternity leave and her replacement suggested I wean myself off them which I did. The only side effects I had were electric shocks but I expected these. However my mood has deteriorated and I find myself slipping into bad habits again. The crankiness, lack of motivation and just general down days. I suffer from headaches badly too and these have multiplied. When I told the doctor she said she didn't want to put me back on antidepressants and I should try mindfulness. It doesn't work, I can't switch my brain off and now I'm not sleeping either. I have an appointment with her next week, should I be more insistent that I need to go back on medication or does she really have a point that I should be trying to deal with it other ways? Sorry for the long winded post.

Hey Pookie,

First of all, fair play on dealing with everything you've had to deal with so far. I kinda know from experience that looking after a family member like the way you are can be extremely demanding, so I really admire anyone who takes on that role in a full time capacity.

Changing doctors can always be a tough time. Your old one obviously knows you and knows what's best etc. while your new one is still only getting up to speed with all their patients and may even have a different ideology of how one should treat a mental illness. All you can do really is be completely open and honest with them, and if that means insisting on continuing with the medication until such a time comes where it is more appropriate for you to try and wean yourself off them then so be it.

I hope this helps you somewhat.

pookiesboo

Thanks Wilberto. It took me such a long time to get on top of things that the thought of going through it again is a bit overwhelming but i know it needs to be done. I feel like I'm going down further everyday but I know I felt like this before and it started to get easier once I was on medication, at least once I was on a higher mg.
Thanks for the kind words too.

StripedBoxers

I feel so down, have done for the past few days and haven't really told anyone.

Dunno why but in the last few days I just feel like I am bothering/burdening people when I want to talk, feel like I am taking up their time when I shouldn't be and they have other things to be doing without me rambling on.

Depression sucks.

Snowbites

StripedBoxers wrote: »

I feel so down, have done for the past few days and haven't really told anyone.

Dunno why but in the last few days I just feel like I am bothering/burdening people when I want to talk, feel like I am taking up their time when I shouldn't be and they have other things to be doing without me rambling on.

Depression sucks.

This is exactly how I've been feeling the last couple of days, I really hope you're feeling a bit better today.

Snowbites

Hope its ok to post here I found this thread by chance yesterday. I posted this in PI forum but got no replies...

Dont know where to start & feel a little silly posting here but also feel silly talking to friends or family about this. Basically Im feeling so lonely at the moment and not sure how to snap out of it. Im fed up with how my life has panned out. Been a rough few years following the break up of a long term relationship and I seem to be be making the wrong decisions ever since.
Ex has moved on, engaged to be married, new baby etc, we have a good relationship & Im happy for him. Meanwhile here I am not getting anywhere in life and some days I actually think whats the point of it all. We have a son together so he's the only thing keeping me going but its just so hard. I've been seeing a counsellor so apart from that I don't know what else to do.

If I can add I've recently gone through another break up, still very good friends but he has a lot he's going through so timing couldn't be worse. I've also started a new job, longer hours much longer commute so I think Im struggling with all of this change, I basically just feel like I want to hide from it all.

Tell me how

Snowbites wrote: »

Hope its ok to post here I found this thread by chance yesterday. I posted this in PI forum but got no replies...

Dont know where to start & feel a little silly posting here but also feel silly talking to friends or family about this. Basically Im feeling so lonely at the moment and not sure how to snap out of it. Im fed up with how my life has panned out. Been a rough few years following the break up of a long term relationship and I seem to be be making the wrong decisions ever since.
Ex has moved on, engaged to be married, new baby etc, we have a good relationship & Im happy for him. Meanwhile here I am not getting anywhere in life and some days I actually think whats the point of it all. We have a son together so he's the only thing keeping me going but its just so hard. I've been seeing a counsellor so apart from that I don't know what else to do.

If I can add I've recently gone through another break up, still very good friends but he has a lot he's going through so timing couldn't be worse. I've also started a new job, longer hours much longer commute so I think Im struggling with all of this change, I basically just feel like I want to hide from it all.

Hi Snowbites.

I’m sorry for you that you feel so lonely at the moment. That is probably one of the strongest emotions depressed people feel and can have nothing to do with the number of people you are around or are even talking to.

It’s also common that the breakup of a long term relationship will put extra strain on the wellbeing of those involved. It still is positive that ye have a good relationship, particularly for your sons sake though I appreciate it must be difficult when you see what seems to be all good news for your ex with his engagement and new child.

I often felt that there wasn’t “one thing” that made me depressed. It was several little things that contributed a negative amount of pressure or emotion but when they are all there together it was (and can be) overwhelming.

It seems to me that you have a lot of these experiences at the moment which each bring a little bit of pressure on to your shoulders, recent relationship breakup, new job, longer commute. Each of these on their own can be difficult to deal with, when they all come together it is understandable that it can become a bit much. Even when you add in the time of year and the longer evenings, it is something else which often results in a drop in form for people who may not even be depressed. So, don’t feel bad for feeling so low, you have a lot going on. I think it is good that you are seeing a counsellor and hope that this is working well for you. Don’t feel that you must fix everything immediately or within a specific timeframe.

With respect to your friends and family, you don’t need to tell every one every thing but if you are particularly close to one of them then I think it might also help if you were able to tell them you are struggling a bit right now.

Sorry for the long reply but I think I know how you feel so I hope my words help some bit. There are good days ahead.

failinis

Went to GP, she said my throat problem seems to be stemming 99% sure from anxiety issues more than anything and may take a week or so to calm down.

My Rheumatoid Arthritis factor was apparently higher than average (however these tests are never yes/no - more like possibilities) but to be honest what else is causing these burning pain.

I started crying and could not tell her why so I left.

StripedBoxers

Snowbites wrote: »

This is exactly how I've been feeling the last couple of days, I really hope you're feeling a bit better today.

Thank you, its a horrible way to feel, feeling like that makes me feel isolated and lonely. I'm a bit better, not much but still, a bit.

I think having had the past few days off with time to think etc has caused me to be so down, thankfully tomorrow I am back to work so will be kept busy and focused so I won't have much time to think

Gremlinertia

Pain + stress + anxiety = me in a pretty painful place this morning. My brain is all messy and bothered and almost my entire upper body is a lump of pain.. Once work is over i'm going to disappear for a day or two. Sorry for the rant..

Tell me how

Gremlinertia wrote:

Pain + stress + anxiety = me in a pretty painful place this morning. My brain is all messy and bothered and almost my entire upper body is a lump of pain.. Once work is over i'm going to disappear for a day or two. Sorry for the rant..

Sorry to hear that. Look after yourself.

failinis

Got letter from geneticist (rather a copy of a letter he sent to another dr) saying that as I know, FA is negative but also a bunch of SCA (1,2,3,4,6,7,17) are also negative.
There are a handful more ataxia tests they can do (I don't know what ones they are doing) but I should know soon enough if I have any testable ataxia.

He also said in the letter my bloods are being tested for CTDs but these will take a few months (this letter was dated 2months ago and only dictated/transcribed recently) so who knows when results will be back.
That side of things seems to say that he thinks me and a sibling do have a new syndrome on the CTD spectrum but he needs to test for all known ones before continuing even if some tests seems stupid to do on us.

He also said my ataxia could be linked to whatever this syndrome me and my bro share - but it may be a long time till a link is shown.

In other news my throat is still tight, GP said she is 99% sure its from anxiety and not sure when it will go away.
My hip and toes are aching and burning.

Barely sleeping but I have started to eat slightly more regular.

Sorry for not replaying to messages a few days ago but trust me I read everyone of them and am thankful. My head was just in such a dark hole.

La.de.da

I hope you all get some break from ye're demons lads.
Tough time of the year for a lot of people. Although I love the darker evenings the transition to them does affect the mood.

Been dealing with all sorts of pain and gut issues the last few days. Hoping it all clears up soon for a while. I need to be getting out in the daylight a bit more.

Hugo Stiglitz

I echo what LDD said. I really hope you all get some comfort soon.

My own head is varying from periods of almost mania to the usual bleak blues and fear. Sick of it.