Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

murria

Gremlinertia wrote: »

So had a very bad close to out of control day, rage manifested and exploded really massively, paying for it now. Physically and mentally wrecked. Fcuk this crap, it's just too tiring sometimes.

Sorry to hear that Grem, bad days happen to us all, try not to take it out on yourself. Hope today's is better.

vmb

Hi

I write here because I do not how to proceed. I suffer a severe depression caused by serious health problems (MS).

I've dealing with it for 2 years, but this week it is getting really worse.

This has been caused because after failing with two treatments and trying with the most powerful treatment available, I am having another relapse.

I feel I can't handle this. The speed of progression is scaring me. I can walk well, the only thing it is not messing me at the moment.

I am receiving counseling but it is not working. My GP also tried with different SSRIs without success. Now I am no taking anything and the situation is far worse.

Sometimes I feel I have to go to ER, but I feel I will only receive prescription for more SSRIs.

Sorry about the grammar, Obviously I'm not native speaker and I just can't focus in these moments

Mr Arrior

Vmb I'm so sorry about your condition. I think ya should try to go back on your SSRIs and find a new therapist possibly. All you need is for something to click.
Just know you are not alone and for start that there is a lot of people on this forum that wish you extremely well and want you to get better.

thelad95

Hey everyone, I'm not sure this is the right place for this so mods feel free to move. I've started taking Buspar, 5mg 3 times a day and the side effects are messing me up a little bit, I don't feel like myself at all and am in a dream like state a lot of the time. Has it helped with my anxiety? Yes I suppose I am calmer but these side effects are very unpleasant indeed, how long do they normally take to subside does anyone know and are there any strategies to help power through these undesirable effects?

Kurtosis

thelad95 wrote: »

Hey everyone, I'm not sure this is the right place for this so mods feel free to move. I've started taking Buspar, 5mg 3 times a day and the side effects are messing me up a little bit, I don't feel like myself at all and am in a dream like state a lot of the time. Has it helped with my anxiety? Yes I suppose I am calmer but these side effects are very unpleasant indeed, how long do they normally take to subside does anyone know and are there any strategies to help power through these undesirable effects?

Hi thelad, no one here is qualified to advise on how long these effect will last or what you can do to combat them. Best to speak to your doctor and pharmacist if you are suffering from side effects, both to let them know and ask what you can do about them.

vmb

Mr Arrior wrote: »

Vmb I'm so sorry about your condition. I think ya should try to go back on your SSRIs and find a new therapist possibly. All you need is for something to click.
Just know you are not alone and for start that there is a lot of people on this forum that wish you extremely well and want you to get better.

I´ve seen my Neuro today and apart from my MS problems, he wants me to be seen by a psychiatrist, so I guess I will be on SSRIs again.

I've tried with fluoxetine, mirtazapine, escitalopram and venlafaxine. Let's see this time

Thank you for your support!

Mr Arrior

vmb wrote:

I´ve seen my Neuro today and apart from my MS problems, he wants me to be seen by a psychiatrist, so I guess I will be on SSRIs again.

vmb wrote:

I've tried with fluoxetine, mirtazapine, escitalopram and venlafaxine. Let's see this time

vmb wrote:

Thank you for your support!

Wishing ya all the best. You're never alone.

mansize

Perm interview tomorrow, v anxious today

ivytwine

mansize wrote: »

Perm interview tomorrow, v anxious today

Good luck, mansize.

My mood is lifting slightly after a ****ty few days/weeks. Mild as it is, the short days are getting to me and I've had a few not very nice interactions lately. Xmas party season is upon us and it's a bit exhausting having to be chirpy all the time, much as I love Christmas.

trixychic

Think I may have just made a life move that is noble, kind, and right... but may be very very difficult for me... to be continued. *nervous*

Tell me how

trixychic wrote:

Think I may have just made a life move that is noble, kind, and right... but may be very very difficult for me... to be continued. *nervous*

Noble, Kind and Right. Noble, Kind and Right.
Keep telling yourself this.
Well done. It's very brave to do something when you know it's going to be difficult.

vmb

I've been referred to psychiatrist, but I guess it will take some weeks / months.

The problem is that I am so overwhelmed, my life is a nightmare and I don't know what to do. Yesterday I was so anxious that I had to drink some beers in order to relieve suffering.

Today I'm going to visit my GP, I guess she will start with some medications but they need time.

What can I do until they work? I just can't manage the situation.

I've been on Alprazolam in the past, and it is not an option because I took too much.

I feel I will have to wait. My life is based on wait and get worse and worse. That is no life

trixychic

Tell me how wrote: »

Noble, Kind and Right. Noble, Kind and Right.
Keep telling yourself this.
Well done. It's very brave to do something when you know it's going to be difficult.

I'm hoping it'll get me through. It's quite a long stint. I've offered my free bedroom to a family member in dire need to help get them on their feet. Hasn't been accepted yet but itmost likely will.

This person is in a bad situation (bad accom, awful job, no prospects and wanting another start. Getting quite depressed cause if it) and I thought this could give them the chance they need.

failinis

I handed in all of my Uni work for this semester today, including my essay.
Kind of proud I managed to as I feel like I have a lot going on, and I do think most of it is to the best standard I could have done. (Now to wait to see if they think its good :pac: ) but of course the normal doubting that you have etc.

Been listening to some music and thinking I may pick up my tin whistle again, been almost, god, more than 10yrs since I played so I may have to literally reteach myself it.

Part of my head is saying "whats the point in learning it if you get bad news from the neurologist next Friday" but I am fighting to put that out of my head.

Really do not want to get bad news from the doctor next Fri.
I dont want them to say they are still doing tests either.
I dont know what I want. I want none of this to be happening.

I am getting worried about getting through till graduation and then what shall I do, I can't afford to stay in England and do not feel safe in my home city etc.
Just stupid worries.

I know I am listless and restless because I have been working 9am-1am every day for weeks and all of a sudden no work to distract me. I can't even do personal artwork because my sketchbooks are in a parcel heading home ahead of me right now. Just need to suck it up and maybe watch tv shows or whatever now till I get home.

Mr Arrior

failinis wrote: »

I handed in all of my Uni work for this semester today, including my essay.
Kind of proud I managed to as I feel like I have a lot going on, and I do think most of it is to the best standard I could have done. (Now to wait to see if they think its good :pac: ) but of course the normal doubting that you have etc.

Been listening to some music and thinking I may pick up my tin whistle again, been almost, god, more than 10yrs since I played so I may have to literally reteach myself it.

Part of my head is saying "whats the point in learning it if you get bad news from the neurologist next Friday" but I am fighting to put that out of my head.

Really do not want to get bad news from the doctor next Fri.
I dont want them to say they are still doing tests either.
I dont know what I want. I want none of this to be happening.

I am getting worried about getting through till graduation and then what shall I do, I can't afford to stay in England and do not feel safe in my home city etc.
Just stupid worries.

I know I am listless and restless because I have been working 9am-1am every day for weeks and all of a sudden no work to distract me. I can't even do personal artwork because my sketchbooks are in a parcel heading home ahead of me right now. Just need to suck it up and maybe watch tv shows or whatever now till I get home.

Well done you f**king badass Mental illness and trying to study is incredibly tough so that is massive that you've done so well with that. Don't worry about the future. Take each day as it comes and you done very well today.

failinis

Mr Arrior wrote: »

Well done you f**king badass Mental illness and trying to study is incredibly tough so that is massive that you've done so well with that. Don't worry about the future. Take each day as it comes and you done very well today.

You don't realise how much of a weight work has on you until you hand it in, feel a lot lighter. Not that the Uni work was a major negative, it was "healthy" stress.
Problem is now I need to find new things to distract myself (I have a new project to start over the holiday break so thats sorted).
Thank you though.

Tell me how

Mr Arrior wrote:

Well done you f**king badass Mental illness and trying to study is incredibly tough so that is massive that you've done so well with that. Don't worry about the future. Take each day as it comes and you done very well today.

failinis wrote:

You don't realise how much of a weight work has on you until you hand it in, feel a lot lighter. Not that the Uni work was a major negative, it was "healthy" stress. Problem is now I need to find new things to distract myself (I have a new project to start over the holiday break so thats sorted). Thank you though.

I agree with Mr Arrior. Very well done.
Give yourself a clap on the back, it's important to recognize the achievements.

veganrun

So I finally moved closer to work. A quick summary is that about a year and a half ago I left Dublin and moved home and started working in another city but the commute was 90 minutes each way.

I moved anyway last week and it all feels kind of weird. I'm feeling unsettled as I'm half expecting something bad to happen at work that sends me into a tailspin and makes me freak out that I'm going to lose my job or it becomes unbearable and I can't find another that is bearable and I'm now locked into a 12 month lease.

Our end of year reviews are coming up and while I'm not expecting anything really bad, I'm starting to get worried and a bit paranoid about it. Also there's been a small change in my job where they have kind of grouped me and another guy together who do the same job on the same team (although he us based in the US). My job involves programming so he has had a look at the stuff Ive been doing and implemented some improvements and changes. Nothing really drastic and I guess that's normal enough but I'm getting paranoid now that I'm too stupid or naive to realise that this is the first step at pushing me out the door or something.

I also deliberately don't socialise with the ones at work. The main logic in my head is as follows "If you socialise with them and try to fit in you are going to look like a fool and feel like a fool for doing so when they turn around and sack you. So keep your distance so if that happens, it hopefully won't feel like such a loss"

I never used to be this bad. But a few years ago I was in a job I hated and which I eventually got made redundant from out of the blue. In a way it was good as I needed to leave but it pushed me over the edge and into full blown anxiety. I'm convinced that job has made me like I am today. I still remember going to the meeting where I was told and trying some CBT type techniques beforehand thinking it was just a regular meeting and then bang, this happened.

Funnily enough there was a change in management in that team and they twice asked me to come back which I turned down so I guess I couldnt have been that bad.

Just wanted to get this all off my chest. I'm just feeling unsettled at the moment but I did have a glimmer of light there that said "try to enjoy this new chapter and stop worrying about something that might not happen" but sure enough that quickly got snuffed out and I went back to thinking I need to be concerned and be prepared so I don't get caught off guard. I even start looking at my manager for signs he is going to give me bad news, does he look annoyed, is he friendler with others on the team than me, etc

pew

I realised I'm stuck in a vicious habit that's been eating me up.

I don't like upsetting people I care about when it's sensitive, especially if it's to with how they make me feel. I surpress it, I keep it to myself. I don't want them to know they've upset me when I know it will affect them badly.

Instead I keep it all fo myself, I cause harm for myself by doing so. I make myself angry and full of resentment, in turn leading me to this depression.

I need to break this habit but it's so hard to do.

kronsington

Hi Everyone, 
Been a long time since I posted in this group. This last year has been a significant one in terms of finally trying to do something about my mental health. I have my 20th session of CBT this week and have finally started on medication after years of inactivity and reluctance to do this. I have to say, I have found the CBT very worthwhile overall. After many sessions, my anxiety had decreased dramatically and my main issues has been diagnosed as long term clinical depression. Even though this wasnt a shock, it was still something to hear an experienced professional say these words to me. My mood is very changeable and I am rarely in "good" form so hopefully the medication (Cipralex) will help with this in time.. Other than that I have really embraced the obvious; diet, exercise, mindfulness. I rarely drink a lot these days. Have cut a lot of toxic people out of my life. I feel more resilient, ,stronger and confident.. But i have a lot of down days too, but not as many as i used to.. I am trying to learn to be nice to myself. I live in a great city (Vancouver), have a decent job, am pretty smart, fit and popular yet for most of my life (especially from my teens onwards, im 34 now) i have had a tremendous lack of self esteem.. Over the course of CBT, i discussed a lot of issues about my family, but ultimately it dawned on me that the main source of my low confidence came from interacting with my peers/friends. Developed a huge sense of inferiority, insecurity and anxiety over the years. Constantly compared myself to others I perceived as doing better than me. years of being subjected to jibes, barbs, slagging all in the name "craic" and even worse "banter", took a huge toll on me... Have had so many dark times in my life, contstantly self destructing nad finding it difficult to move forward with life; until i just said "Enough"... Ongoing process but I do feel more control of myself, my emotions, thoughts and feelings.. Happy to chat to anyone via pm if you like. Good luck everyone, I wish you all well

kronsington

Hi Everyone, 
Been a long time since I posted in this group. This last year has been a significant one in terms of finally trying to do something about my mental health. I have my 20th session of CBT this week and have finally started on medication after years of inactivity and reluctance to do this. I have to say, I have found the CBT very worthwhile overall. After many sessions, my anxiety had decreased dramatically and my main issues has been diagnosed as long term clinical depression. Even though this wasnt a shock, it was still something to hear an experienced professional say these words to me. My mood is very changeable and I am rarely in "good" form so hopefully the medication (Cipralex) will help with this in time.. Other than that I have really embraced the obvious; diet, exercise, mindfulness. I rarely drink a lot these days. Have cut a lot of toxic people out of my life. I feel more resilient, ,stronger and confident.. But i have a lot of down days too, but not as many as i used to.. I am trying to learn to be nice to myself. I live in a great city (Vancouver), have a decent job, am pretty smart, fit and popular yet for most of my life (especially from my teens onwards, im 34 now) i have had a tremendous lack of self esteem.. Over the course of CBT, i discussed a lot of issues about my family, but ultimately it dawned on me that the main source of my low confidence came from interacting with my peers/friends. Developed a huge sense of inferiority, insecurity and anxiety over the years. Constantly compared myself to others I perceived as doing better than me. years of being subjected to jibes, barbs, slagging all in the name "craic" and even worse "banter", took a huge toll on me... Have had so many dark times in my life, contstantly self destructing nad finding it difficult to move forward with life; until i just said "Enough"... Ongoing process but I do feel more control of myself, my emotions, thoughts and feelings.. Happy to chat to anyone if you like. Good luck everyone, I wish you all well

Gremlinertia

Been a while alright Kronsington, delighted to see how you are getting on.. Can't tell you how much i needed a post like that just today. Very inspiring and encouraging, thank you

Rubberchikken

I agree^^ it's great to see a person doing well. i don't personally live with anxiety/ depression but a close family member has been diagnosed in the past couple of months and helping and supporting them has really opened my eyes to how truly difficult it can be.

Mr Arrior

Rubberchikken wrote:

I agree^^ it's great to see a person doing well. i don't personally live with anxiety/ depression but a close family member has been diagnosed in the past couple of months and helping and supporting them has really opened my eyes to how truly difficult it can be.

That's it exactly. I suffer from a few different mental illnesses which can be very bad at times and despite all the awareness and Facebook videos a lot of people dont understand just how awful it is. I find the support services are a lot better cos of the awareness and it may help sufferer's to deal with their illness but I still feel that a lot of people that don't suffer from mental illness don't seem to feel it is that big a deal compared to physical illnesses which of course are also dreadful.

Tell me how

veganrun wrote: »

So I finally moved closer to work. A quick summary is that about a year and a half ago I left Dublin and moved home and started working in another city but the commute was 90 minutes each way.

I moved anyway last week and it all feels kind of weird. I'm feeling unsettled as I'm half expecting something bad to happen at work that sends me into a tailspin and makes me freak out that I'm going to lose my job or it becomes unbearable and I can't find another that is bearable and I'm now locked into a 12 month lease.

Our end of year reviews are coming up and while I'm not expecting anything really bad, I'm starting to get worried and a bit paranoid about it. Also there's been a small change in my job where they have kind of grouped me and another guy together who do the same job on the same team (although he us based in the US). My job involves programming so he has had a look at the stuff Ive been doing and implemented some improvements and changes. Nothing really drastic and I guess that's normal enough but I'm getting paranoid now that I'm too stupid or naive to realise that this is the first step at pushing me out the door or something.

I also deliberately don't socialise with the ones at work. The main logic in my head is as follows "If you socialise with them and try to fit in you are going to look like a fool and feel like a fool for doing so when they turn around and sack you. So keep your distance so if that happens, it hopefully won't feel like such a loss"

I never used to be this bad. But a few years ago I was in a job I hated and which I eventually got made redundant from out of the blue. In a way it was good as I needed to leave but it pushed me over the edge and into full blown anxiety. I'm convinced that job has made me like I am today. I still remember going to the meeting where I was told and trying some CBT type techniques beforehand thinking it was just a regular meeting and then bang, this happened.

Funnily enough there was a change in management in that team and they twice asked me to come back which I turned down so I guess I couldnt have been that bad.

Just wanted to get this all off my chest. I'm just feeling unsettled at the moment but I did have a glimmer of light there that said "try to enjoy this new chapter and stop worrying about something that might not happen" but sure enough that quickly got snuffed out and I went back to thinking I need to be concerned and be prepared so I don't get caught off guard. I even start looking at my manager for signs he is going to give me bad news, does he look annoyed, is he friendler with others on the team than me, etc

Hi Veganrun. You've been very busy. Well done on all the positives steps you've taken. I've highlighted a couple of bits from your post which i'd like to mention.

It's absolutely common practice for peer review of ones work. This is not a forerunner to pushing you out the door. You can take it as a positive that your colleague has only suggested some minor changes.

The fact that your former team asked that you might return should be taken as a huge positive from both a personal and professional standpoint. It shows they both valued the work you are capable of doing and like you as a team member/friend.

That glimmer of light is wonderful to hear of. It is a spark that will grow brighter as you continue to look after yourself and nurture it.

With respect to not socialising with your colleagues. I understand how easy it is to fall in to this pattern. I would encourage you to try to cross that bridge when you can. It can make life so much more rewarding to be friends with people instead of just colleagues. I do appreciate that you suffer from anxiety and me telling you to go to it is like telling a person with a broken leg to just go run but it's because of the benefits you may see if you manage to it that I mention it.

It seems to me you've made so many positive steps you should be very proud and hopeful of the future. Well done. It's not easy, but you're doing it.

Turtle_

So how is everyone?

failinis

Up and down.

trixychic

Finally got in to see the docs yesterday. They kept asking me where my support group is and I had to keep saying that I don't have one. My family and his are useless. And while I have lots of friends there's no one (in ireland) I can really open up to. My other half is my support group.

They said there's little they can do but they'll ask a nurse to call me once a week to give me some support. They just left me at my current medication and said they'll see me again in Feb.

I don't know what I expected but it just didn't quite help as much as I was hoping.

They had me signed up for this wellness programme and asked if why I didn't attend. But it was from 11am-1pm.... half an hour away and my 4yr old gets out of school at 12. So I couldnt attend.

I dunno. Things just not feeling great right now.

failinis

I have my neurology appointment today in an hour.

May be told;

"We are still waiting for more tests - and if they are negative we will do further tests!"

or

"Hey you have this bloody illness."

Neither is wanted. I would rather like them to say "Nothing is wrong."

I don't want bad news today.

Wanderer78

failinis wrote:

I don't want bad news today.

Best of luck