Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

failinis

Wanderer78 wrote: »

Best of luck

Been far calmer than expected, I was on my wits end last week.
I feel sick to my stomach now though and hearts going mental - just nerves.
Be grand.

ivytwine

Good luck Failinis xx

jezzer

Anyone find that this time of year is really bad for anxiety? christmas and the expectation to be happy and to spend money you dont have, i find the summer times better as you dont have these expectations and you can just be happy in yourself if you want to be...

Christmas to me would be really nice if it was toned down a few notches

Wanderer78

jezzer wrote: »

Anyone find that this time of year is really bad for anxiety? christmas and the expectation to be happy and to spend money you dont have, i find the summer times better as you dont have these expectations and you can just be happy in yourself if you want to be...

Christmas to me would be really nice if it was toned down a few notches

i think most prefer summertime, hard not to but the commercialisation of christmas is diabolical, and most of us have bought into it. spend as much time with family and friends folks over the holidays doing the things you enjoy the most.

jezzer

Wanderer78 wrote: »

i think most prefer summertime, hard not to but the commercialisation of christmas is diabolical, and most of us have bought into it. spend as much time with family and friends folks over the holidays doing the things you enjoy the most.

i totally agree, the commercialism is diabolical, the pressure it puts on people is not right, naturally everyone wants to have the best but we put too much pressure on ourselves to have the perfect xmas and it puts people in a bad way

failinis

No new results back yet - but there are some still away since September that we are waiting for.
Then got 4 new bloods sent off today, including parenoplastic syndrome - ****ing great. Great.
Of course I know this is to "cross off lists" but the fact that is on a list connected to me is ****ing ****.

Then my mother said to the Neurologist "I think failinis is seeing the wrong type of counsellor, can you refer her to another one" (as in, I presume she means genetic counselling which is not available in NI at all - and is normally offered after a diagnosis etc which I don't have).

I told her to drop it, its a medical dr appointment - but now the neurologist feels awkward and has to say something but she starts by saying "There are people worse off than you."
Well, I would never have ****ing known that doc. Never. Jesus Christ. I KNOW I AM PRETTY GRAND, its not ****ing brain cancer or MS etc. I just need to ****ing know that I should be grand enough in the future too - if this illness is progressive or not.

"Don't be depressed, just live your life" - thanks for that mate, you cure my ****ing depression just there just like that.

"You could have some illness that only 5 other people have in the world - but it might not be that progressive"

Thats. the. point.
Might. I am just waiting to bloody see whats happening to me.

My mum "Its causing her a lot of stress" - yeah yeah, maybe the whole "your brain might be a little bit ****ed" thing is causing me stress, but so is the whole being stalked and raped and also general illness every single day is a feature in why I might feel a wee bit low.

Or maybe a radical thought - maybe people get depressed for NO REASON and its a chemical reaction gone wrong in your head? Maybe or maybe thats too ****ing far out.

I am just fuming and so angry. Of course I ****ing know I am lucky I am not ****ing riddled with brain tumours or whatever the **** but I still dont know whats wrong OR what may or may not happen to me. I dont need a ****ing lecture off some doctor about "not being depressed". ****

Mr Arrior

Sorry failinis to hear that. The worse off argument shud never be applied to illness. That's what ya say if someone loses a big final or possibly fails an exam. Ya can't compare peoples illnesses.

failinis

I was just so angry.

Now I am still waiting for some of the original tests, and some new ones taken today - and she said if they are negative then its research programmes.

I should be kind of happy that I was not told some horrible illness today - but I am still waiting. And the way she was "There are people more disabled than me." That made me see red.
I am not even disabled - I am just on the path way, if the illness I have is progressive then yes I WILL be, but not right now.
That chat was totally unnecessary. And what she said was total tripe.

"Just live your life" - I am doing a full time degree right now, its not like I am sitting in a corner saying "woe is me".

failinis

Still don't know how I feel

Tell me how

failinis wrote:

Still don't know how I feel

Look on the positives failinis. Whenever you can, take it.

failinis

Tell me how wrote: »

Look on the positives failinis. Whenever you can, take it.

Of course. I feel like I am still digesting yesterday's news (or rather the fact it was more "no news") - so the out come is still delayed.
I was warned it may be another year or more till I even have a diagnosis.
The fact they are looking at parenoplastic stuff is a bit rubbish - if I get an urgent dr appointment in the next few weeks I know its related to that.
But I am going to reflect and try and take the positives, because you can't function on total negatives.

Its been quiet in here - I hope that means everyone is doing relatively okay x.

Melisandre121

Does anyone have any tips for dealing with obsessive/intrusive thoughts? I'm in CBT and tried to explain these to my therapist but I'm not sure she fully understood what I meant and now she's away until mid January so I'm stuck with these thoughts.

Basically, a thought pops into my head without warning, and will usually be an image or memory of something I've said or done. This then causes me great distress and upset. Sometimes the thoughts are of things that weren't even that bad but the intense anxiety is still there. It happens several times a day.

Any tips for dealing with this?

Thank you

trixychic

No tips on the thoughts invading your head but I'll be following the replies. I struggle with that too.


As for me. Does anyone else feel like time is flying?? Like in those dreams where you need to get somewhere but you can't seem to move fast enough or your stuck in the same spot??

I've sooo much to do before the big day but every time I blink another hour is gone. I can really feel the pressure pushing down on me now. It's scary.

sean.meade

Hi failinis,

I'm new to boards.ie and I'm doing this on my phone so I don't know if I'm replying correctly. I just wanted to say I think you're very brave for talking about what you're going through and that someone else might find it a comfort to know someone is going through the same thing. It's why I started a blog on what happened me.

I get the frustration and I don't know you're full story but depression is a mental illness not a physical one (I wish it were that straight forward). Obviously these things have contributing factors to depression but if they find something even in a tiny way wrong they'll put you on meds and that's not the way to tackle depression (although meds can play their role in recovery just not to be reliant on them for the answer). To recover from depression is a ****ing war! It's full of tiny battles and at the beginning your depression will win most if not all.

I remember the day I decided to start the long grueling process. It was just after I genuinely thought taking my life was the most logical option to take. Once I snapped out of my depressed state I was petrified at such a clear example of how my mind was not my own (for the most part). That was 3 years ago(ish) and I still have to work on my self worth and self esteem (took me a long time to realize that was one of the root causes, for me anyway it might be different for everyone).

So three years later I feel amazing I have my odd bad day but that's being human everyone has those days. Its suffering from the constant onslaught is what suffering from depression is.

I just wanted to give my two cents. Depression isn't understood by a lot of people. The medical doctors see depression but they fight it with what they've been trained to fight it with. Which is blood tests and brain scans, you know, the physical stuff. My guess is you won't find your answers there. Just a life time of medication. And maybe everyone around you is afraid of telling you the truth. But I will always talk to a person and not a persons illness.

It's ****ing tough. I'm not going to lie and it's not fair. It's a day in day out process and when you fail you take a day of utter depression take a day of rest and then get up and battle it again. But you battle it with mental exercises. You battle it with talking about how you're feeling (which you're doing here so kudos) and asking the tough questions about those feelings and being as honest as you possibly can with your answers, however ****y they may be (that's the toughest part and will take time). You battle it by opening up and talking to your friends and family or the Samaritans on the other end of the phone. By talking until you get so uncomfortable that you stop talking and then have the courage to say one more sentence. Not with medication.

These are just my own thoughts and it's what I've been through. It's incredibly tough but so are you if you're living with depression. It's worth it I should say that and it can be done and I know that anyone can do it. But you can't do it alone and it sounds like your mother is interested in helping. Although there may be poor lines of communication which is probably from her not knowing what to do that her child she has cared for all this time has an illness that she doesn't understand and also because of your depression. Depression gets scared of company it's scared of getting found out that its telling you lies. So be as open and as honest as you can. Basically if there is any advice to take from this that I wish you would it's: be as honest as you can with yourself and those around you. That means when you grupmily say "I'm fine leave me alone!!!" Be brave enough the next time to say "I'm not OK but I dont know why can you sit here with me and not say anything please" she would only be glad to be doing something even if it's just sitting in silence with you.

I'm sorry if I'm over stepping my mark. And I'm sorry if it feels like I'm preaching but this is something close to my heart and people are dying ever day from this so I can't stay quiet. I wish you all the best and I know you're capable of recovery. I'm a contributor on a website for the Mighty just Google "the mighty Sean Meade" if, on the off chance you found this helpful. I also write a blog but I can't post a url and you can't google it haha

Anyway I wish you all the best

Seán

sean.meade

Melisandre121 wrote: »

Any tips for dealing with this?

Hi Melisandre,

Unfortunately it's just little things I know you can do. I have no quick fixes for this one. And you're probably going to roll your eyes and say "oh this one again" haha because that's what I thought at first but then I got desperate. Basically its focusing on your breath (I know, I know age old one that doesn't work) but its any aspect of your breath be it the sound, the feeling as it comes in and out or the temperature of the air or the movement of your body. Basically whatever works for you to bring into awareness of whats happening with your body or breath now and not in your head what happened two weeks ago. At the start it's really hard and you have to concentrate and you'll get distracted and notice you're distracted and then have to focus on your breath again.

The other thing you can do although that is further down the line when your not paralyzed by it is to go for a walk or knit or just do something to focus on so you can process stuff in the background while you are distracted on a task (preferably one you enjoy). That's all the advice I have sadly hope it helps

Seán

sean.meade

trixychic wrote: »

I've sooo much to do before the big day but every time I blink another hour is gone.

Unfortunately everyone is in the same boat. I find writing down a list and trying to get as many done in the day as possible but I have to be careful and not be too hard on myself when I don't get everything done. I try not to make it too complicated either just simple bullet points to remind me. There might be something else that will help but all I know of is sucking it up and doing what you need to do.

P.S. if they could figure out time travel I'm all for that (massive Dr. Who fan :P)

trixychic

sean.meade wrote: »

If they could figure out time travel I'm all for that (massive Dr. Who fan :P)

Never seen Dr. Who but any thing that could make time stand still or reverse would be fab. I love the idea of a time Turner.

sean.meade

trixychic wrote: »

Never seen Dr. Who but any thing that could make time stand still or reverse would be fab. I love the idea of a time Turner.

Unfortunately it's not possible so get on to that list.

Turtle_

Melisandre121 wrote: »

Does anyone have any tips for dealing with obsessive/intrusive thoughts? I'm in CBT and tried to explain these to my therapist but I'm not sure she fully understood what I meant and now she's away until mid January so I'm stuck with these thoughts.

Basically, a thought pops into my head without warning, and will usually be an image or memory of something I've said or done. This then causes me great distress and upset. Sometimes the thoughts are of things that weren't even that bad but the intense anxiety is still there. It happens several times a day.

Any tips for dealing with this?

Thank you

I get a lot of this. Reappeared after I came off meds and is just getting stronger.

I'm afraid I think my strategy for dealing with it is highly unhealthy so I won't share that, but I have heard that exposure and response prevention is good at helping deal with it. Unpleasant but effective.

In terms of preventing them altogether that's a meds thing afaik. Technically I only have GAD, but OCD tendencies and obsessional type worries kept getting mentioned, mostly in reference to the intrusive thoughts (knot in my chest just thinking about them) so it might be worth looking into whether they match with those types of intrusive thoughts and then saying to your cbt therapist that they're like OCD style intrusive thoughts / are different in X way (as relevant to you)

failinis

Just feeling a bit **** - been thinking about relationships (ones that never happened/future possibilities) but its just depressing.

Mr Arrior

failinis wrote:

Just feeling a bit **** - been thinking about relationships (ones that never happened/future possibilities) but its just depressing.

This gets me a little down as well. So many of the women I've fancied have had boyfriends and I can't say that a woman I have fancied has ever liked me back. Quite demoralising.

frulewis

I am having quite a tough time at the moment. I went back to work after 6 months of complete and utter depression, panic attacks the works and for a while there I felt a bit more alive, like I could cope. Now it's back to the irrational anxiety, the ruminations etc. my brain just never stops. I keep saying to myself 'you've nothing to worry about' but it just keeps coming the images, the scenarios, the thoughts god it is really exhausting. I feel hemmed in and stuck all the time.. by my living situation (back home with the parents as I couldn't live on my own in the state I was in) by my friends (they are understanding but don't really understand) by guilt and every other thing that anyone can possibly feel. Sorry i'm having a pity party for myself now just fed up of it all!

frulewis

Melisandre121 wrote: »

Does anyone have any tips for dealing with obsessive/intrusive thoughts? I'm in CBT and tried to explain these to my therapist but I'm not sure she fully understood what I meant and now she's away until mid January so I'm stuck with these thoughts.

Basically, a thought pops into my head without warning, and will usually be an image or memory of something I've said or done. This then causes me great distress and upset. Sometimes the thoughts are of things that weren't even that bad but the intense anxiety is still there. It happens several times a day.

Any tips for dealing with this?

Thank you

I deal with this on a constant basis and something that works occasionally for me is analysing the thought or scenario literally just sitting with it for a minute and saying to myself what is the actual outcome of this situation, should i be feeling this bad or am I getting all wound up for nothing? As I said it's hit and miss whether it works or not but when it does it's helpful!

trixychic

Other half isnt too happy and I totally get it.

He's in work each day for long hours now. (He's a trucker). I do as much as I can but I am totally worn out these days. Our son was recently diagnosed with mild autism, im spend at least 3 hours a day on the road and I'm dealing with 2 school going kids.

I rarely get any tidying work done. Ianage to get homework and the kids dinner done but that's it.

Other half is pissed off cause he comes in from work and often cooks and cleans up after the day.

I totally get why he's pissed off and I feel horriblely guilty. I just don't know how to change. I recently saw my doc who had no real helpful tips. Just saying don't worry about the housework and get more mindfulness classes etc.

I can't seem to find the time to get everything done and I feel like I'm letting other half down.

Also about 2-3yes ago I was in work (horrible experience and I ended up relapsing into depression) and I did the exact same to him. Took his head off every night when I came in for not doing housework or having dinner ready. So I'm feeling like a major hypocrite now too.

Feeling really rubbish.

Turtle_

trixychic wrote: »

Other half isnt too happy and I totally get it.

He's in work each day for long hours now. (He's a trucker). I do as much as I can but I am totally worn out these days. Our son was recently diagnosed with mild autism, im spend at least 3 hours a day on the road and I'm dealing with 2 school going kids.

I rarely get any tidying work done. Ianage to get homework and the kids dinner done but that's it.

Other half is pissed off cause he comes in from work and often cooks and cleans up after the day.

I totally get why he's pissed off and I feel horriblely guilty. I just don't know how to change. I recently saw my doc who had no real helpful tips. Just saying don't worry about the housework and get more mindfulness classes etc.

I can't seem to find the time to get everything done and I feel like I'm letting other half down.

Also about 2-3yes ago I was in work (horrible experience and I ended up relapsing into depression) and I did the exact same to him. Took his head off every night when I came in for not doing housework or having dinner ready. So I'm feeling like a major hypocrite now too.

Feeling really rubbish.

Is there any way you can tell him all of that almost exactly how you have it written there? Even if you wrote it out?

trixychic

Turtle_ wrote: »

Is there any way you can tell him all of that almost exactly how you have it written there? Even if you wrote it out?

Have done. Time and time again. We find honesty is the best policy. I tell him everything.

Hugo Stiglitz

TC,
Don't beat yourself up too much there. A normal person who is busy and tired often struggles to do more than the bare minimum, someone who has issues with depression and who is stressed would find it much harder still.



Mood has gone to sh!the over the last few hours here. The usual stressers coupled with a happy time of year.

Turtle_

trixychic wrote: »

Have done. Time and time again. We find honesty is the best policy. I tell him everything.

Then you're doing everything you can. Will you both get a bit of downtime over Christmas?

Hugo, sorry to hear you're down. Must be the time of year...

mickstupp

I am feeling very apprehensive about the coming month or so, but I'm sure I'll get through it. Last year at this time was one of the worst I've had, with a number of very close calls. I had people let me down, turn their backs, not react or help when they promised they'd be there, all that sort of thing.

I would not be here without Pieta house. It's really that simple. They taught me some coping mechanisms which have made me more capable of dealing with things. The daily (minute to minute) feelings are still there, but it's easier to keep moving now, and I've learned how to appreciate the world a lot more.

If you don't have it already, I'd strongly urge everyone to put the Samaritans phone number into your phone. Doing that while I was relatively lucid saved my life later on.

I hope everyone stays safe.

mansize

Some wagon made a complaint about the manner in which I spoke with her today - even tough she'd no issue with what I'd said... bubble burst