Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

Hugo Stiglitz

mansize wrote: »

Some wagon made a complaint about the manner in which I spoke with her today - even tough she'd no issue with what I'd said... bubble burst

Don't mind her, M. Some people are nothing but trouble.

Tristrams Shandied

mansize wrote: »

Some wagon made a complaint about the manner in which I spoke with her today - even tough she'd no issue with what I'd said... bubble burst

I agree with Hugo. Sometimes it depends if someone is just having a bad day and whatever mood they are in. If you said exactly same thing in the same way on a different day she might not complain at all. There will always be people who try to bring us down for reasons that are more about themselves. So if you try to take a step back and look at it objectively it helps you to just rise above it.

joejoe87

I went to Pieta House for help and had an assessment with a counsellor yesterday. I got a call from her today saying she discussed me with the manager and my case is too complex and they're not qualified to help me.
I am an out patient with HSE mental health services and have been an in patient several times. Being an out patient with the HSE means a 5 minute appointment every 2/3 months. I went to Pieta house because I'm in crisis and really need counselling or something similar.
Basically I don't know what to do now, I can't afford private counselling and really hoped Pieta could do something for me.
Does anyone know of a free counselling service like Pieta house offers? I really don't know what to do

Mr Arrior

joejoe87 wrote:

I went to Pieta House for help and had an assessment with a counsellor yesterday. I got a call from her today saying she discussed me with the manager and my case is too complex and they're not qualified to help me. I am an out patient with HSE mental health services and have been an in patient several times. Being an out patient with the HSE means a 5 minute appointment every 2/3 months. I went to Pieta house because I'm in crisis and really need counselling or something similar. Basically I don't know what to do now, I can't afford private counselling and really hoped Pieta could do something for me. Does anyone know of a free counselling service like Pieta house offers? I really don't know what to do

First off, don't lose hope. Id say yesterdays appointment not going to plan didn't help how you felt. Id go to my GP asap and tell them your current support system isn't working for you. They will be able to guide you better. Ya prob won't get an appointment till after the weekend so just try to relax to the best of your ability till then. Ya can also email aware and/or samaritans to tell them your situation. Look after yourself.

pew

I'm struggling very very badly. I mean, I should be happy but I can't, I can't face being happy. I'm having daily panic attacks, not major ones but daily little panics or short of breath.

I can't see my counsellor until January at least.

I'm just not in the best way, right now I'm lying in bed back home in my parents house. I just don't know how to cope at all.

joejoe87

Mr Arrior wrote: »

First off, don't lose hope. Id say yesterdays appointment not going to plan didn't help how you felt. Id go to my GP asap and tell them your current support system isn't working for you. They will be able to guide you better. Ya prob won't get an appointment till after the weekend so just try to relax to the best of your ability till then. Ya can also email aware and/or samaritans to tell them your situation. Look after yourself.

The counsellor was going to contact my mental health clinic and my GP. They're really nice at Pieta house , at least they got back back to me within 24 hours and didn't string me along and seem to want to help but say I'm too complex a case. Feels like they're saying I'm beyond help though. I'm not gonna hold my breath in terms of the HSE mental health clinic doing anything for me, they'll say if im in crisis to go to the A&E and the GP can only refer me to the HSE or whatever.
I thought Pieta might turn people away if they're not sick enough , to keep room for people who are in crisis. Kinda shocked that I'm too sick or whatever to help.

Mr Arrior

Were all thinking and rooting for you pew. Try and stay strong.

Tell me how

To everyone suffering right now, it's very difficult to handle A&D at the best of times, this time of year can make things seem even bleaker.
Please allow yourself to know that this is temporary.

joejoe87, try to use services such as the Samaritans if things get very tough. As said above, try to make appointment with your GP even though it could be a few days.

Pew, there's no such thing as "should be happy". You're struggling now and that's ok. Hopefully your parents, family are supportive and if so, don't be afraid to let them in.

IamtheWalrus

Have any of you ever had a period of, when you look in the mirror, you just don't recognise yourself? Like you can't really believe that's what you look like?

I'm getting this a lot lately and I don't know if it's a symptom of depression or something else.

I was bullied a lot in my younger days because of my appearance and didn't think my my 'ugly' face suited my nice, funny personality so I'd walk around pretending I had a different face. I wonder is that's what is causing this but the bullying was years and years ago.

mansize

Tristrams Shandied wrote: »

I agree with Hugo. Sometimes it depends if someone is just having a bad day and whatever mood they are in. If you said exactly same thing in the same way on a different day she might not complain at all. There will always be people who try to bring us down for reasons that are more about themselves. So if you try to take a step back and look at it objectively it helps you to just rise above it.

Boss today told me not to dwell on it

failinis

IamtheWalrus wrote: »

Have any of you ever had a period of, when you look in the mirror, you just don't recognise yourself? Like you can't really believe that's what you look like?

I'm getting this a lot lately and I don't know if it's a symptom of depression or something else.

I was bullied a lot in my younger days because of my appearance and didn't think my my 'ugly' face suited my nice, funny personality so I'd walk around pretending I had a different face. I wonder is that's what is causing this but the bullying was years and years ago.

I get similar modes, I think its called depersonalisation but for me it feels like my life is not my own, more than physical differences. Its un nerving. I hope you snap out of it soon.

Mr Arrior

failinis wrote:

I get similar modes, I think its called depersonalisation but for me it feels like my life is not my own, more than physical differences. Its un nerving. I hope you snap out of it soon.

Spot on, I went through that a few years back but thankfully has gone away. Its a symptom of anxiety. It goes away with time. Try to constantly nip it in the bud the minute ya think about it. Just put it straight out if your mind. Its very difficult but if you keep doing that, its hold over you disappears and it just stop worrying you even if ya think about it.
Best if luck!

titan18

Hate this time of year. Everyone out enjoying themselves and with family and friends, and I'm at home wondering where my left went so wrong. Every damn year, and even though I try change stuff and make new friends, all I seem to do is make acquaintances, never anyone close.

IamtheWalrus

titan18 wrote: »

Hate this time of year. Everyone out enjoying themselves and with family and friends, and I'm at home wondering where my left went so wrong. Every damn year, and even though I try change stuff and make new friends, all I seem to do is make acquaintances, never anyone close.

This time last year I had high hopes and determination to make this year be a great one. It ended up being the worst year I've ever had. Chin up my friend, you're not alone.

Gremlinertia

titan18 wrote: »

Hate this time of year. Everyone out enjoying themselves and with family and friends, and I'm at home wondering where my left went so wrong. Every damn year, and even though I try change stuff and make new friends, all I seem to do is make acquaintances, never anyone close.

Haven't participated since i was a kid myself, it's a hard time of year for a lot of people.. Remember that people represent themselves through a kind of 'filter' when using social media that is a highly stylised version of reality.. Indeed my own pics would mostly indicate a shiny happy life which is far from the me of mental health issues and the various stresses that are part of daily life..

frulewis

pew wrote: »

I'm struggling very very badly. I mean, I should be happy but I can't, I can't face being happy. I'm having daily panic attacks, not major ones but daily little panics or short of breath.

I can't see my counsellor until January at least.

I'm just not in the best way, right now I'm lying in bed back home in my parents house. I just don't know how to cope at all.

It's a horrible feeling and your post could have been mine, I don't know how to cope at all at the moment I'm just trying to keep the head down and hope there's some light at the end of the tunnel... There's only one thing I van say and that is you're not alone

failinis

This time of year always feels odd.
I feel a great responsibility to make everyone happy and l can't feel sad or anxious because I would "ruin" Christmas - I over heard my mother complain to a sibling that I was "mentally ill and needs professional help and I need to see a counsellor over her" as if it was my fault for being ill and making her worry. I dont need any extra guilt.

vmb

I am suffering a terrible crisis. I was seen a week ago by a psychiatrist and he increased my medication (duloxetyne 90mg), but my problems are getting worse an I just can't handle my life.

I am considering a visit to a&e, but I don't know if they could help me.

Every second is a torture

Mr Arrior

Vmb dya mind me asking what problem you have?

vmb

I have a very agressive MS, clinical depression and anxiety. I've received 3 different treatments without success.

Gremlinertia

vmb wrote: »

I am suffering a terrible crisis. I was seen a week ago by a psychiatrist and he increased my medication (duloxetyne 90mg), but my problems are getting worse an I just can't handle my life.

I am considering a visit to a&e, but I don't know if they could help me.

Every second is a torture

Of course go to casualty, when feeling unsafe it's the safest place to be i find.. It's hard to get a gp or something this week so if you can't think of anything else go there. It's a crap time of year for making the usual hardship seem impossible, reach out and take care

failinis

vmb wrote: »

I have a very agressive MS, clinical depression and anxiety. I've received 3 different treatments without success.

I second what Gremlinertia has said - it may be hard to get appointments at this time of year, but if you feel unsafe to yourself a&e would be the best place x
Keep safe x

La.de.da

Can't wait for this sh1te to be over. Really have enough of this time of the year.

My brain and body are exhausted.

mansize

Head full of anxiety today, I'm so on edge

failinis

Sounds silly but just watched "Ernest and Ethel" animation by chance as I caught it as its started. I did not expect to feel so reflective and depressed by the end.

I was already in a low mood, and my autistic brother has been having melt downs all day and I am concerned for his own well being and then arguments in the house and just wanting to do some work.

I just think I get deeply effected by stupid things. I need to shake this mood or I will not sleep tonight.

mansize

failinis wrote: »

Sounds silly but just watched "Ernest and Ethel" animation by chance as I caught it as its started. I did not expect to feel so reflective and depressed by the end.

I was already in a low mood, and my autistic brother has been having melt downs all day and I am concerned for his own well being and then arguments in the house and just wanting to do some work.

I just think I get deeply effected by stupid things. I need to shake this mood or I will not sleep tonight.

hugs

ivytwine

failinis wrote: »

Sounds silly but just watched "Ernest and Ethel" animation by chance as I caught it as its started. I did not expect to feel so reflective and depressed by the end.

I was already in a low mood, and my autistic brother has been having melt downs all day and I am concerned for his own well being and then arguments in the house and just wanting to do some work.

I just think I get deeply effected by stupid things. I need to shake this mood or I will not sleep tonight.

I caught about 30 seconds of that and that was enough! I know exactly what you mean though, some things can really bring your mood down to a scary degree. Hope you are feeling a small bit better.

I am definitely going to do dry January because any drink at all brings me down at present. I'm out New Year's Eve and I have to stay over at a friend's house. I regret saying yes to it now but I can't be a recluse either.

failinis

mansize wrote: »

hugs

Thanks.

ivytwine wrote: »

I caught about 30 seconds of that and that was enough! I know exactly what you mean though, some things can really bring your mood down to a scary degree. Hope you are feeling a small bit better.

I am definitely going to do dry January because any drink at all brings me down at present. I'm out New Year's Eve and I have to stay over at a friend's house. I regret saying yes to it now but I can't be a recluse either.

Yeah, I adore Raymonds books and was delighted to see this made into animation, was very into the style all of that. Then the emotional and family dynamics came in and .... ugh.

It has just caused me to reflect on my grandfather who has dementia, my mother and father, my siblings and what will become of us all and the fact that yes my parents will certainly pass away and we have our brother to look after. Who will do it. The eldest has been told he will but its not like he has to if he does not want and all that jazz.
This has been on my mind anyway but this just kind of dredged it up.

Also how (was watching it with my mother) she commented on the fact "Well did he have any children with his wife, the mother wants to be a grand mother before she dies" and I am sitting there like /maybe she did not want to have children and this better not be a dig at me being gay/ etc.

She was arguing with my brother after he had a few melt downs (I say he is more depressed than any thing else but he refused counselling, medication or drs or exercise etc) and she was saying **** like "Sitting there feeling for yourself, what if you were blind and deaf" etc and "Its you who is letting yourself get low like this, its your fault".
So you can see why I don't tell anyone in my family I am depressed as thats the reaction I have. Its either get better or be kicked out like my bipolar brother who I have not seen for 4yrs

Just heavy thoughts and I don't need that before bed. Doing some drawing now to try and distract.

Been feeling on the verge of a panic attack for the past few days, my throat is so tight feeling.

veganrun

Tell me how wrote: »

veganrun wrote: »

So I finally moved closer to work.  A quick summary is that about a year and a half ago I left Dublin and moved home and started working in another city but the commute was 90 minutes each way.

I moved anyway last week and it all feels kind of weird.  I'm feeling unsettled as I'm half expecting something bad to happen at work that sends me into a tailspin and makes me freak out that I'm going to lose my job or it becomes unbearable and I can't find another that is bearable and I'm now locked into a 12 month lease.

Our end of year reviews are coming up and while I'm not expecting anything really bad, I'm starting to get worried and a bit paranoid about it.  Also there's been a small change in my job where they have kind of grouped me and another guy together who do the same job on the same team (although he us based in the US).  My job involves programming so he has had a look at the stuff Ive been doing and implemented some improvements and changes.  Nothing really drastic and I guess that's normal enough but I'm getting paranoid now that I'm too stupid or naive to realise that this is the first step at pushing me out the door or something.

I also deliberately don't socialise with the ones at work.  The main logic in my head is as follows "If you socialise with them and try to fit in you are going to look like a fool and feel like a fool for doing so when they turn around and sack you.  So keep your distance so if that happens, it hopefully won't feel like such a loss"

I never used to be this bad.  But a few years ago I was in a job I hated and which I eventually got made redundant from out of the blue.  In a way it was good as I needed to leave but it pushed me over the edge and into full blown anxiety.  I'm convinced that job has made me like I am today.  I still remember going to the meeting where I was told and trying some CBT type techniques beforehand thinking it was just a regular meeting and then bang, this happened.

Funnily enough there was a change in management in that team and they twice asked me to come back which I turned down so I guess I couldnt have been that bad.

Just wanted to get this all off my chest.  I'm just feeling unsettled at the moment but I did have a glimmer of light there that said "try to enjoy this new chapter and stop worrying about something that might not happen" but sure enough that quickly got snuffed out and I went back to thinking I need to be concerned and be prepared so I don't get caught off guard.  I even start looking at my manager for signs he is going to give me bad news, does he look annoyed, is he friendler with others on the team than me, etc

Hi Veganrun. You've been very busy. Well done on all the positives steps you've taken. I've highlighted a couple of bits from your post which i'd like to mention.

It's absolutely common practice for peer review of ones work. This is not a forerunner to pushing you out the door. You can take it as a positive that your colleague has only suggested some minor changes.

The fact that your former team asked that you might return should be taken as a huge positive from both a personal and professional standpoint. It shows they both valued the work you are capable of doing and like you as a team member/friend.

That glimmer of light is wonderful to hear of. It is a spark that will grow brighter as you continue to look after yourself and nurture it.

With respect to not socialising with your colleagues. I understand how easy it is to fall in to this pattern. I would encourage you to try to cross that bridge when you can. It can make life so much more rewarding to be friends with people instead of just colleagues. I do appreciate that you suffer from anxiety and me telling you to go to it is like telling a person with a broken leg to just go run but it's because of the benefits you may see if you manage to it that I mention it.

It seems to me you've made so many positive steps you should be very proud and hopeful of the future. Well done. It's not easy, but you're doing it.

So the meeting went ok-ish, the guy ended up making quite a few changes.  I felt like it was slightly personal but sort of tried not to think that way.  After it was over I talked to one of the senior guys who was there and he said most of the changes the guy made were completely unnecessary.  That made me feel better as I was starting to feel like it was a direct reflection on my work.

Next issue is that I have my performance review at work the first day back after the Christmas and New Year holidays.  The logical part of my brain says "ok, you will probably have some areas to work on and things to improve, everyone does, but overall it won't be THAT bad".  But then as soon as I think that, the other part of my brain says "Uh oh, don't start thinking like that, the second you do, that's when you will go in there, all relaxed not expecting anything bad, then bang, you'll get a horrible review that will send you in a complete tailspin, better you are prepared for the worst just in-case".

I've also started to think about flying again.  I was never a great flyer but used to be able to do it, but I progressively got to dislike it more and more.   Now I'm at the point where I feel like I can't do a long haul flight.  In my brain it's like "I can't handle being stuck inside a tin can for so long, unable to get off.  I will be going out of my mind being stuck there and if I somehow manage to make it to my destination, I'm stuck there unless I'm willing to go through the whole ordeal to get back home".

I don't want to be this way and part of me thinks I'm just imagining it, but at the time same I think "ok you can try but when you find out, it will be too late and you will be stuck on board".  I can handle short flights like 1 or 2 hrs but the thought of crossing the atlantic etc has me thinking I can't do it.  I kind of wish I could try it out, like book a flight and then when the time comes, if I really don't want to do, back out.  But seeing flights to the US are like probably 500 eur return, it's a very expensive way to test out that theory if I don't go!

Anyone else been like that?

ivytwine

veganrun wrote: »

So the meeting went ok-ish, the guy ended up making quite a few changes.  I felt like it was slightly personal but sort of tried not to think that way.  After it was over I talked to one of the senior guys who was there and he said most of the changes the guy made were completely unnecessary.  That made me feel better as I was starting to feel like it was a direct reflection on my work.

Next issue is that I have my performance review at work the first day back after the Christmas and New Year holidays.  The logical part of my brain says "ok, you will probably have some areas to work on and things to improve, everyone does, but overall it won't be THAT bad".  But then as soon as I think that, the other part of my brain says "Uh oh, don't start thinking like that, the second you do, that's when you will go in there, all relaxed not expecting anything bad, then bang, you'll get a horrible review that will send you in a complete tailspin, better you are prepared for the worst just in-case".

I've also started to think about flying again.  I was never a great flyer but used to be able to do it, but I progressively got to dislike it more and more.   Now I'm at the point where I feel like I can't do a long haul flight.  In my brain it's like "I can't handle being stuck inside a tin can for so long, unable to get off.  I will be going out of my mind being stuck there and if I somehow manage to make it to my destination, I'm stuck there unless I'm willing to go through the whole ordeal to get back home".

I don't want to be this way and part of me thinks I'm just imagining it, but at the time same I think "ok you can try but when you find out, it will be too late and you will be stuck on board".  I can handle short flights like 1 or 2 hrs but the thought of crossing the atlantic etc has me thinking I can't do it.  I kind of wish I could try it out, like book a flight and then when the time comes, if I really don't want to do, back out.  But seeing flights to the US are like probably 500 eur return, it's a very expensive way to test out that theory if I don't go!

Anyone else been like that?

I went through a bad phase for almost all my teen years. Disliked flying intensely but then I went to Australia and that basically cured me. There are flight simulators and courses you can do for fear of flying (even if it's not a fear as much). It would be cheaper and while you might feel differently, I'd feel awful and extra hard on myself if I missed out on a trip because I'd backed out. Maybe even do a couple of Ryanair trips within Europe? Having gone to Eastern Europe and with layovers etc, it basically turned into a long haul trip!

@Failinis, I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time. You're really strong and I'm sorry your family aren't more supportive x