Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

jezzer

veganrun wrote: »

I'm not sure about the other position. To a certain extent I'm conscious that it might seem like a demotion, it's also not definitely a possibility. However it would allow me to go back to the area I'm more used to but still allow me to do some of the stuff I am currently doing.

I texted a friend and told them all about it and he has made me feel better.

I hate those review b***** as well but it's insidious in most companies. I don't know how to avoid it.

good move on testing your pal, it always helps to share... on the other position, dont be too worried about it looking like a possible demotion, if it suits you better and causes less stress then its definately worth considering

thats the problem with all these review nonsense, its endemic

Ferrari3600

veganrun wrote: »

Review is over and it didn't go great. Overall I apparently met my objectives but I've areas to work on and if my performance was the same next year I'd be getting a negative score. They also mentioned there may be an option for me to move into a slightly different role if that is something I'd be interested in.

Overall feeling pretty upset but trying not to show it.

Pretty much agree with what other commenters said about review processes in a lot of corporations these days. In a company I used to work in, all of us at the mid mgt grade would receive 'meeting expectations' year after year apart from one or two who got 'above expectations' due to being total workaholic lickarses, being honest.

One year myself and another person received 'below expectations' purely because I had taken 8 weeks certified sick leave and she had been on maternity leave for part of the year.

veganrun

Thanks.

Part of me wants to curl up into a ball for the weekend and not talk to anyone. At work a few people were chatting to me this afternoon but I barely had anything to say. I was being polite and nothing more.

I'm heading home now to be with some family but part of me is worried it will just make me feel sadder about having to leave and come back after the weekend.

veganrun

Still thinking about the review, although at least I managed to eat and get some sleep. I'm leaning towards this other possible role if it's available. My manager said to think about it for a few days and let him know. I suppose if I'm being completely honest I always felt like I wasn't completely suited to the role I am in. It's doing programming and while I can do it, I feel like I don't have a great grasp of the fundamentals as I'm self taught and come from a different area of software. Although part of me wonders am I just rolling over and accepting that because of everything.

The thought of staying in the current role at present makes me feel a bit sick but I'm trying not to overreact and make any hasty decisions. I don't know for sure if this other role is definitely an option and I don't know if that means re-interviewing and/or a pay cut if successful.

failinis

Went to a friends to get takeaway last night, was sure I would eat it, but when it arrived I had no appetite. :rolleyes:
However I did manage lunch today, and might manage some food later this evening. I felt very ill when I ate lunch but I feel its my stomach being in shock that something went down to it. I do feel like I am making progress with that.

Spoke to that friend last night.
Seems like I should at least tell my GP I am depressed, and skip out the anxiety, and hopefully I will not be fobbed off as a hypochondriac with my other issues. That’s the main reason I don’t go to them about it.
Another reason I am not keen is that Uni starts at the end of next week for around 12 weeks or so.
I don’t want to be given some antidepressants to “try out” and be ****ed under with side effects, especially any kind of mind fog.

So either I keep going the way I am, I at least tell my GP or maybe start counselling again. Except my mother had to pay for my sessions (after rent my money is very tight) and I over heard her at Christmas to my brother giving off about having a messed up kid that needs counselling, which is one of the reasons I quit going. Mental health is not a topic in my house hold.

I am glad my most recent low did not have suicidal thoughts, as they are not always comorbid, but the low before that did. What is the word – passive motivations? But I am aware enough that if I get bad enough medical news it could change which kinda is a wee bit ****e.
I just have to try and take control of my own health now that I realise that people deserve help, not to be shamed like I am when at home – but I don’t think I am actually, mh what is the word, committed enough right now.
I am the only one who can accept help for myself, and withholding help (and affection/friendships) is a “wonderful” method of mark free self harm. Which I only realise I was doing late last year. Small steps.

Mr Arrior

Rough enough day today. Feeling down and due to my Obsessive disorder a lot of things get blown out of proportion. I'm in my early twenties yet haven't lived much of my life yet.
- I've never been out if the country
- Never had a girlfriend which involved a lot of no's from women that I really liked.
- Don't have any real friends.
- Spend most of my evenings in the house watching TV.
- Had to drop out of college due to anxiety and because of that I'm living at home. My family are my rock but I get bored at home as many wud at my age.
- Just stuck in a massive rut and struggling to get out.

I've joined with a personal trainer which I always wanted to do so am looking forward to getting first etc but I still feel very stagnated and worried I'm wasting the time of my life I should really be living it yano.

Mr Arrior

Failinis you are ill and its alright to feel the way you do. Ya should be super proud of yourself cos it is absolute badass to be at war with your brain and to be still able to function. In college??? That is mental impressive how you're able to focus enough to stay in college. I'm genuinely super impressed as I had to drop out of college due to anxiety.

failinis

I feel so bad, I am trying to find a place to live, either for September onwards or if available a bit earlier.
I need to declutter my room but I don't have the energy and there are barely any habitable places.
Almost makes me want to stay where I am.

Gremlinertia

Failinis, some of us work in very different ways, for instance the last time i moved i didn't pack until the day before Try not to be so hard on yourself, most things work out one way or another.

failinis

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Failinis, some of us work in very different ways, for instance the last time i moved i didn't pack until the day before Try not to be so hard on yourself, most things work out one way or another.

I am getting palpations even thinking about leaving it to the last day :pac:
You live life on the edge grem.

I have emailed about viewing 3 places, but I know which one I would rather like so hopefully that pulls through. I am also leaving my current place out of contract so will lose my deposit - but I don't talk on here about where I live right now but trust me, I don't even care about losing my deposit.

I feel like i am barely "out" of that low and now into a high of anxiety and I will crash before I know it again.

Gremlinertia

Like i said, different ways of doing things, i just seem to go into a sort of inertia once i know my deadline and freeze up, it's usually stressful but over quickly. Not saying there's any one 'right way' that's just how it seems to go for me.. Fingers crossed you get the place you're after, and some sleep tonight.

failinis

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Like i said, different ways of doing things, i just seem to go into a sort of inertia once i know my deadline and freeze up, it's usually stressful but over quickly. Not saying there's any one 'right way' that's just how it seems to go for me.. Fingers crossed you get the place you're after, and some sleep tonight.

I do get the "freeze" up but I beat myself with guilt and once thats over I go a wee bit manic and try and do it all very quickly. Depends on situation sometimes it strays into "day before hand in" as well

It's just, I am generally decluttering my room here regardless, if I have not looked at something for months why keep it here? So I am going to jump into that tomorrow and just fill a few boxes to send things home/charity shops.

Then, say I get one of these rooms I am viewing, I need to pack up my "actual" belongings that I need and move.

Uni starts again fully next monday, so I feel like I only have a week to do all this stuff, you know what I mean?

I know I am on a very high anxiety right now, I don't know when I will sleep tonight. But I have made myself sit and draw so that will distract my thoughts till I sleep.

I just - feel like I have whiplash from being so depressed and now so stupidly wound up????

Gremlinertia

I just - feel like I have whiplash from being so depressed and now so stupidly wound up????


Oh this, i have another long term issue which causes pain but being stressed or angry really messes with my upper back, to the point i can end up hunched over.. I don't really go for massages because i'm nervous and shy yet i know it would be good for me but due to low self esteem (i guess) i don't think i deserve it and so hang on to pain instead.

failinis

Gremlinertia wrote: »

I just - feel like I have whiplash from being so depressed and now so stupidly wound up????


Oh this, i have another long term issue which causes pain but being stressed or angry really messes with my upper back, to the point i can end up hunched over.. I don't really go for massages because i'm nervous and shy yet i know it would be good for me but due to low self esteem (i guess) i don't think i deserve it and so hang on to pain instead.

Stop. My friend offered a back massage (as i also have long term pain issues with it/ribs) but I just was like no no I need the pain for some reason. Which is bizarre? Also too intimate. I guess shyness.
Why do our brains do this to us :rolleyes:

Gremlinertia

I can't go to a stranger and i can't go to a friend, it's like the pain is part of my identity now so i don't want to lose it, much like mental health issues.. It would be interesting if i wasn't too exhausted to think about it most of the time :rolleyes:

AnneFrank

Gremlinertia wrote: »

I can't go to a stranger and i can't go to a friend, it's like the pain is part of my identity now so i don't want to lose it, much like mental health issues.. It would be interesting if i wasn't too exhausted to think about it most of the time :rolleyes:

i had the really bad back pain for a year, and still have the everyday headaches which are unexplained. A trigger point foam roller you can buy for 25 in tk max sorted my back out, after many massages and trips to physios and chiropractors ect. Just lie backwards on it and roll slowly up and down for a few minutes each day. It's one less thing i have to worry about now

failinis

A close friend of mine has gotten bad news and its hurting me to see them like this.
They need time alone tonight so I will give them space but I am concerned about how low they might drop.

veganrun

Starting to feel bummed again today. Work starting to bother me again even though yesterday I had managed to be positive and upbeat. Doesn't help that I feel like I am coming down with a cold.

StripedBoxers

Hope you are okay today guys, hope the day picked up for you Veganrun.

I'm having a miserable day, just struggling as usual and fed up at not being able to do anything or go anywhere or anything.

Just want some normality back in my life.

Mr Arrior

The stuck in the house is a problem some days. Nothing to do in my town and being 24, my social media is filled with people doing things, going places etc. Now I know they could be struggling and nay even be worse off but a lot I'm sure are a lot better off. Feels like I'm wasting my youth.

Tell me how

Mr Arrior wrote: »

The stuck in the house is a problem some days. Nothing to do in my town and being 24, my social media is filled with people doing things, going places etc. Now I know they could be struggling and nay even be worse off but a lot I'm sure are a lot better off. Feels like I'm wasting my youth.

As you say, don't read in to what you see on social media too much. It is the image people want to portray more than it is their reality.

Try not to think of it as wasting your youth. That can put a lot of pressure on you. Simply try to take something positive out of each day. Something small that you feel was an achievement or enjoyment for you. that might be having a shower or hanging washing on the line but so what. If it's a victory it deserves to be recognized and will help you with planning something for tomorrow.

StripedBoxers

Not easy to do, I am sure, but worth giving a try.

Get out a notepad and write down positive things that you do/that happen each day and write out the negatives, get them out on paper, out of your mind/body and focus on the positives.

Its difficult and challenging, I know all to well, but its worth persevering with as it will work eventually, you do need to keep at it though.

Gremlinertia

Feeling the strain of a very heavy week's work, anxious, in pain and cranky.. Going to soothe for the next while with reading and tea. Hope the rest of you guys are doing ok..

Hugo Stiglitz

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Feeling the strain of a very heavy week's work, anxious, in pain and cranky.. Going to soothe for the next while with reading and tea. Hope the rest of you guys are doing ok..

I hope things calm down there, G.

Gremlinertia

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

I hope things calm down there, G.

Went outside (really not something i do) it was a pretty good idea, had an appetite when i came back so had lunch. Now to figure out the rest of the day.

Mr Arrior

Exercise, outdoor activities (walking etc) etc are fantastic for your health. If ya dont already do it then ya really should.

Hugo Stiglitz

Mood is crashing so much lately. I've had enough of this nonsense to last a lifetime now.

Tell me how

Hugo Stiglitz wrote:

Mood is crashing so much lately. I've had enough of this nonsense to last a lifetime now.

Definitely. One dose of it is enough.
It does give perspective but that's small consolation in the dark times.

Hopefully will pick up for you soon.

Hugo Stiglitz

Tell me how wrote: »

Definitely. One dose of it is enough.
It does give perspective but that's small consolation in the dark times.

Hopefully will pick up for you soon.

It will, but it'll always just come back again though.

Hope you're well there, TMH.

Tell me how

Hugo Stiglitz wrote:

It will, but it'll always just come back again though.

Some day it won't. Believe that.