Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

Tell me how

^^^^^^^

Hi Trevor176 and welcome to the thread.
Most relationships don't work out, that's not a fault on either party, it just takes time to find the right one. I think it has hit you hard because it may have been your first. That can be normal too.
I wouldn't refer to it as rejection, it just didn't work out.

It definitely helps to talk things out but there's no point in going too far when it comes to affairs of the heart.

You've a lot going on. Hope you get value from the thread.

Trebor176

Tell me how wrote: »

^^^^^^^

Hi Trevor176 and welcome to the thread.
Most relationships don't work out, that's not a fault on either party, it just takes time to find the right one. I think it has hit you hard because it may have been your first. That can be normal too.
I wouldn't refer to it as rejection, it just didn't work out.

It definitely helps to talk things out but there's no point in going too far when it comes to affairs of the heart.

You've a lot going on. Hope you get value from the thread.

Thank you for your reply. It wasn't a relationship, as it was only two dates. So, I shouldn't have reacted so badly in that case. My confidence had been boosted, only to be shot back down!

I just wish I wasn't feeling so low. I am trying so hard, and want to make changes in my life. Things that should have been done in my 20's. Maybe even my late teens. But, I guess I suffered with confidence issues and the like then, which might have affected my social life too? I'm a quiet sort of person in general most of the time, but can have a great laugh at times too.

Maybe I have just taken too much on at once. Maybe I'm just worn out a bit as a result, I don't know. I hate feeling grumpy, as it's not me in general. I have worried myself at some of my thoughts.

ivytwine

Aw Trevor sorry to hear you've had it so tough of late. From what I know of crohns, it's a pure bitch of a thing, and that alone is a lot to be dealing with.

I often think when we react to what may seem out of proportion to one event in our lives, a relationship ending or losing a job etc it's more a sign of deeper problems. It might not necessarily be about that girl herself, but rather what she stood for. To be suddenly rejected while you think things are going well is really bloody tough. I don't know... online dating seems to make this worse. I have people trying to push me into online dating but I don't think it would be healthy for me at all.

To you- and to anyone else- don't think "oh my problems aren't serious enough for face to face counselling." If you feel bad then go. After all, all counselling is getting counsel, not advice necessarily, because a lot of the times we already know the answers, but talking it out. I've never done online but I couldn't see it being a match for face to face.

Best of luck.

It's been a while since I've checked in. I seem to be doing better, found a fantastic counsellor I really click with, and she's scarily perceptive. I'm trying quite a lot of new things and reinvigorating old things, with a view to maybe making my career in the arts someday. A pipe dream at present but I am terrified of looking back at my life and thinking I didn't give it my best shot and wasted it working in jobs that meant nothing to me.

I'm getting a bit more ok with the car crash that is my personal life and learning not to judge my self worth on my single status. That's bloody hard though. The death heebie jeebies are coming and going too. But I'm definitely in much better shape than I was before Christmas. Something changed around new year, not sure what, but trying to go with it.

mansize

went training again tonight, a great buzz. hope all here are hanging in there

mansize

trevor, best of luck. Im am dreadful at relationships but the others' advise seems great xxx

Trebor176

ivytwine wrote: »

Aw Trevor sorry to hear you've had it so tough of late. From what I know of crohns, it's a pure bitch of a thing, and that alone is a lot to be dealing with.

I often think when we react to what may seem out of proportion to one event in our lives, a relationship ending or losing a job etc it's more a sign of deeper problems. It might not necessarily be about that girl herself, but rather what she stood for. To be suddenly rejected while you think things are going well is really bloody tough. I don't know... online dating seems to make this worse. I have people trying to push me into online dating but I don't think it would be healthy for me at all.

To you- and to anyone else- don't think "oh my problems aren't serious enough for face to face counselling." If you feel bad then go. After all, all counselling is getting counsel, not advice necessarily, because a lot of the times we already know the answers, but talking it out. I've never done online but I couldn't see it being a match for face to face.

Best of luck.

It's been a while since I've checked in. I seem to be doing better, found a fantastic counsellor I really click with, and she's scarily perceptive. I'm trying quite a lot of new things and reinvigorating old things, with a view to maybe making my career in the arts someday. A pipe dream at present but I am terrified of looking back at my life and thinking I didn't give it my best shot and wasted it working in jobs that meant nothing to me.

I'm getting a bit more ok with the car crash that is my personal life and learning not to judge my self worth on my single status. That's bloody hard though. The death heebie jeebies are coming and going too. But I'm definitely in much better shape than I was before Christmas. Something changed around new year, not sure what, but trying to go with it.

Maybe I do need to talk to someone. I just would't want anyone else to know, though, which might seem stupid. I don't feel that I can tell my family or friends my problems, especially with the rejection. I don't want to worry my family, and my friends would probably think I'm daft. I guess a counseller doesn't judge. It's trying to find one, though. Well, one with appointments that I could work around. I can't keep missing work, for example! I just want to shake how I'm feeling and get on with my life. Lord knows I'm doing what I can to improve me life. I just don't know if counselling is the way to go, though. I have looked them up, but I just don't know. My head is all over the place!

I'm glad you are doing well, as is everyone else that has contributed to here. Depression is a terrible thing, but scarily common!

jezzer

I am having a really rough time of it of late. I have had a few bad luck stories in jobs i have had previously but I got a job a couple of years ago and it really suited me, no asshole boss, left to my own devices and i did well, then recently there has been a change of management in the company and the new guys are nothing but assholes, its horrible, my anxiety is through the roof, its really got in on me, i just want to tell them to go eff off and walk out but i cant afford to go without a monthly wage, i feel trapped, i've started looking for a new job but its going to be difficult, with the anxiety the work place and conditions need to be pretty specific, i actually was offered a new job last year but didnt take it as i saw the workplace and it was all one big open plan office, too many people around me, but given the situation i am in now i would have gladly taken it. money is a big problem for me, i am just making ends meet and it all just gets in on me, i feel like a robot consumed by my time in work and my commute, long days little reward, i've just had enough and i dont know where to turn. Ideally I would have my own business where nobody could lord it over me or give me hassle. I just cant deal with overbearing assholes, i cant spend my days arguing and that sh1t, if someone gives me hassle i just want to tell them to stick it and walk away life is too short but i cant because i need the money, some people can deal with it but my anxiety just goes haywire, the days are dragging, its all such nonsense, i dont even have much to do all day just pretend to be busy but i have to put in the hours to keep below the radar, i really dont know what i'm going to do, i'm hoping a new job or opportunity will come about soon so i can get the hell out of this mess, once i am in the right environment i am ok and my anxiety stays at bay but its difficult to find a situation that suits, sorry for ranting folks just had to get it out there

Gremlinertia

Sorry to hear you're having such a rough time Jezzer, have you been to a doctor with the anxiety issues?. If so you could probably get a letter that you could give to HR about it?. If your role hasn't changed then hopefully they'll back off. Or maybe contact the other place that offered you a position last year and inquire about any possibilities there?

jezzer

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Sorry to hear you're having such a rough time Jezzer, have you been to a doctor with the anxiety issues?. If so you could probably get a letter that you could give to HR about it?. If your role hasn't changed then hopefully they'll back off. Or maybe contact the other place that offered you a position last year and inquire about any possibilities there?

you know I think i will take your advice and contact the company who previously offered me the position, any idea what i should say to them?

In terms of the anxiety yes i have been receiving help but really for me its about being in the right environment and if i'm not then i cant function, its not that i'm not doing anything wrong/different just they are assholes by nature, one guy in particular, trying to throw shapes and make his mark, the type of person that if outside of work i would have nothing to do with, the atmosphere is horrific, a toxic environment now and i know in my heart i just need to get out....thank you for your help

Gremlinertia

Just say you're now in a position where you would be interested, i don't know ithink you should probably open a thread in Work & Jobs, they know much better there.

jezzer

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Just say you're now in a position where you would be interested, i don't know ithink you should probably open a thread in Work & Jobs, they know much better there.

good idea i will do that thank you

failinis

Not had time to be on boards the past few days - will have a read back shortly.

I moved flat on Monday, everything going well, flat mates alright (quiet so, we all match) and room is warm, no mould, the lock works etc - everything you need.

Was eating some bread, and all of a sudden, half of a molar tooth came out of me. Its not painful (yet ) and only some blood. There is a slither of a tooth left.
I stopped at some dentists in town and none are talking NHS patients so if I needed treatment I would need to pay privately.
She showed me the list, and if the dentist either took my tooth out, or if he done a root canal and filling (I don't think he could just pull it, the root never came out with the section that fell out) then I am looking at over £600 if not more and I only have maybe £100 spare if I fancy eating beans for the rest of term.
I am just sitting here crying because all I can think of is to wait till its infected then try and be seen as an emergency appointment.
If all treatment for emergencies is done on that 1 day its always going to cost £20. But if the treatment passes over 1 day for emergencies then it costs between £50-330. Im just so upset I dont want an infected tooth or anything I just want it to be okay.

Trebor176

Trebor176 wrote: »

Thank you for your reply. It wasn't a relationship, as it was only two dates. So, I shouldn't have reacted so badly in that case. My confidence had been boosted, only to be shot back down!

I just wish I wasn't feeling so low. I am trying so hard, and want to make changes in my life. Things that should have been done in my 20's. Maybe even my late teens. But, I guess I suffered with confidence issues and the like then, which might have affected my social life too? I'm a quiet sort of person in general most of the time, but can have a great laugh at times too.

Maybe I have just taken too much on at once. Maybe I'm just worn out a bit as a result, I don't know. I hate feeling grumpy, as it's not me in general. I have worried myself at some of my thoughts.

Hi Treb

Have a think about going to therapy. I think you really would benefit from a number of sessions. It's not easy but looking at yourself on a deeper level never is. Perhaps ask yourself why you are hesitant about it? There isn't a thing wrong with being quiet or indeed feeling grumpy. Go easy and allow yourself to feel whatever it is you're feeling.

There are so many expectations on us mere flawed human beings. Relationships, career, social life, family. It's easy to feel inadequate when those things don't exist in your life. I'm almost 35, without child, husband, mortgage or pension Sometimes I get a little sad that life didnt turn out how I had hoped but it doesn't matter too much because I don't need those things to feel good about myself. My self-esteem is high ( sometimes).

I've a feeling that your self-esteem is low and how you view yourself is determined by relationships, girls liking you, being social, etc.
Disappointments can be very wounding when we feel less than. When things don't work out with a person we're interested in the impact is very severe and the rejection takes on a greater meaning. Instead of viewing it for what it is we feel it's a reflection on who we are, inadequate, not worth it, she'll find someone better.

It's not really about this girl not wanting to pursue a relationship with you Trebor, it's about how you feel towards yourself. Please take the time to work on your self-esteem and confidence before dating again. The online sites can be dog eat dog. Resilience needs to be strong and you need to accept that dates not working out are simply that, not working out.

I've met you Treb and you're a lovely guy. Always remember that nobody will ever ever make you feel good enough. That has to come from within

X.

Trebor176

Deleted User wrote: »

Hi Treb

Have a think about going to therapy. I think you really would benefit from a number of sessions. It's not easy but looking at yourself on a deeper level never is. Perhaps ask yourself why you are hesitant about it? There isn't a thing wrong with being quiet or indeed feeling grumpy. Go easy and allow yourself to feel whatever it is you're feeling.

There are so many expectations on us mere flawed human beings. Relationships, career, social life, family. It's easy to feel inadequate when those things don't exist in your life. I'm almost 35, without child, husband, mortgage or pension Sometimes I get a little sad that life didnt turn out how I had hoped but it doesn't matter too much because I don't need those things to feel good about myself. My self-esteem is high ( sometimes).

I've a feeling that your self-esteem is low and how you view yourself is determined by relationships, girls liking you, being social, etc.
Disappointments can be very wounding when we feel less than. When things don't work out with a person we're interested in the impact is very severe and the rejection takes on a greater meaning. Instead of viewing it for what it is we feel it's a reflection on who we are, inadequate, not worth it, she'll find someone better.

It's not really about this girl not wanting to pursue a relationship with you Trebor, it's about how you feel towards yourself. Please take the time to work on your self-esteem and confidence before dating again. The online sites can be dog eat dog. Resilience needs to be strong and you need to accept that dates not working out are simply that, not working out.

I've met you Treb and you're a lovely guy. Always remember that nobody will ever ever make you feel good enough. That has to come from within

X.

Hi there

Thank you for your kind words. I am reluctant to talk to any member of my family over how I feel. Well, especially considering the reasons for feeling so low. At the moment, I feel better than earlier, but I will probably get low again. It's why I don't know if therapy is the way to go. I could walk in feeling absolutely fine on the day of the appointment, and the counsellor may wonder why I'm there, as I'd seem grand. I guess it shouldn't matter, though. It's all about how I would have been feeling before.

This girl obviously has not cared about how I feel, and I didn't hold back telling her how she has made me feel. Maybe I shouldn't, but I felt I had to. Anyway, I shouldn't have got so het up over the whole thing. After all, it was just two dates, as I mentioned. The only reason for saying how I felt is because I genuinely have felt quite low for the last few days or so. It comes and it goes!

I shouldn't feel inadequate because of her, or should I think that she'll find someone better than me. It's just how she made me feel. I thought I was doing good, that she genuinely liked me and all that, so to reject me and to just keep dismissing me really got to me. I couldn't help feeling that I wasn't good enough, or probably wouldn't be for someone else.

Maybe my self-esteem is low. I am too shy at times, I might take things too seriously. . .I just feel that others I know have sensed that sort of thing, which is why I struggle to get people together to go on a night out or whatever. Maybe I've been seen as anti-social. Believe me, I am trying hard to work on myself and to try and do more this year, like getting out there and trying new things.

I do feel, though, that if someone else came into my life, and it led to dating, I'd be fine. I know I could learn to be more vocal and that, depending on the conversation, for example. But yes, maybe I need more time before dating. I know what you said about how we feel about things not working out, and your personal situation, but I have felt on and off that I'm lagging behind many of those around my age.

Yes, it's not easy to please everyone alright. But, there can always be that person to make a person feel great or special. Others can just bring people right down.

Trebor176

Trebor176 wrote: »

Hi there

Thank you for your kind words. I am reluctant to talk to any member of my family over how I feel. Well, especially considering the reasons for feeling so low. At the moment, I feel better than earlier, but I will probably get low again. It's why I don't know if therapy is the way to go. I could walk in feeling absolutely fine on the day of the appointment, and the counsellor may wonder why I'm there, as I'd seem grand. I guess it shouldn't matter, though. It's all about how I would have been feeling before.

This girl obviously has not cared about how I feel, and I didn't hold back telling her how she has made me feel. Maybe I shouldn't, but I felt I had to. Anyway, I shouldn't have got so het up over the whole thing. After all, it was just two dates, as I mentioned. The only reason for saying how I felt is because I genuinely have felt quite low for the last few days or so. It comes and it goes!

I shouldn't feel inadequate because of her, or should I think that she'll find someone better than me. It's just how she made me feel. I thought I was doing good, that she genuinely liked me and all that, so to reject me and to just keep dismissing me really got to me. I couldn't help feeling that I wasn't good enough, or probably wouldn't be for someone else.

Maybe my self-esteem is low. I am too shy at times, I might take things too seriously. . .I just feel that others I know have sensed that sort of thing, which is why I struggle to get people together to go on a night out or whatever. Maybe I've been seen as anti-social. Believe me, I am trying hard to work on myself and to try and do more this year, like getting out there and trying new things.

I do feel, though, that if someone else came into my life, and it led to dating, I'd be fine. I know I could learn to be more vocal and that, depending on the conversation, for example. But yes, maybe I need more time before dating. I know what you said about how we feel about things not working out, and your personal situation, but I have felt on and off that I'm lagging behind many of those around my age.

Yes, it's not easy to please everyone alright. But, there can always be that person to make a person feel great or special. Others can just bring people right down.

There isn't a person in this world without struggles. Ivy mentioned in her post having the "death heebiejeebies". Well that's my issue and I rarely talk about. Apart from the odd mention of having a dose of the hypochondrias
No therapist worth their salt would think that oh this person doesn't need to be here. You would be met with respect and empathy.

The reason why I believe your self-esteem is low Trebor is because how you reacted to the girl you dated was completely out of context to the actual reality. You say that she didn't care how you felt and kept dismissing you. In what ways I wonder did this occur? How would you have liked her to be?

I'll give you an example of my experiences with dating. There have been loads of men who I met and really liked but who did not feel the same towards me. We'd be chatting for a bit online and a definite connection would be present. So a date would be arranged. In person we get on really well, have a kiss and make plans for a second date. That also goes well.

Afterwards he changes his mind. Who knows why. Well obviously he stops being interested and that's that. He tells me and we both move on. There is absolutely nothing wrong with changing your mind and deciding that this person isn't for you. It doesn't mean he or she is inadequate just that you have no feelings for them. Do you get me?

Strong self-esteem would also lessen feelings of lagging behind. If you like yourself enough then what other people are doing won't matter as much. Yes there will come a day when you meet someone who makes you feel special but first you must feel it alone, for yourself because that's what you deserve

ivytwine

Trebor176 wrote: »

Maybe I do need to talk to someone. I just would't want anyone else to know, though, which might seem stupid. I don't feel that I can tell my family or friends my problems, especially with the rejection. I don't want to worry my family, and my friends would probably think I'm daft. I guess a counseller doesn't judge. It's trying to find one, though. Well, one with appointments that I could work around. I can't keep missing work, for example! I just want to shake how I'm feeling and get on with my life. Lord knows I'm doing what I can to improve me life. I just don't know if counselling is the way to go, though. I have looked them up, but I just don't know. My head is all over the place!

I'm glad you are doing well, as is everyone else that has contributed to here. Depression is a terrible thing, but scarily common!

A counsellor won't judge at all. Not sure where you're based but in Dublin there are loads who will do evenings and even Saturdays. And your employment might have an EAP? I found it great although I did need more specialist help after the sessions ended. The EAP is centred around working people so you'd definitely get flexible hours.

Put it this way, I don't think I've ever met a person who's regretted going to counselling.

Deleted User wrote: »

There isn't a person in this world without struggles. Ivy mentioned in her post having the "death heebiejeebies". Well that's my issue and I rarely talk about. Apart from the odd mention of having a dose of the hypochondrias

It is the worst, and the fear that arises from it is throat-constricting. It might be better if I could make myself believe in an afterlife but I can't. I was crippled by it as a teen and it's come back fairly badly in the last year or so. The difference this time is that I know other people feel like this. The arrogance of my teenage years was that I felt that I was the only person dealing with the weirdness of, someday, not being around anymore. Plus this time I'm using it as a kick in the arse to achieve the things I want to do while I'm alive, and live my life a bit more fully.

Deleted User wrote: »

No therapist worth their salt would think that oh this person doesn't need to be here. You would be met with respect and empathy.

Absolutely. I'm sure counsellors hear all sorts of things that society at large probably see as very trivial, but they're trained to counsel. And I don't think what you're going through is trivial at all.

Donnielighto

Hi everyone. I'm sure it's answered in her somewhere. But I recently had my dosage doubled, last Monday, and feeling crappy since, is that normal for an adjustment period. It's the same as the last prescription just higher dosage.

Gremlinertia

Donnielighto wrote: »

Hi everyone. I'm sure it's answered in her somewhere. But I recently had my dosage doubled, last Monday, and feeling crappy since, is that normal for an adjustment period. It's the same as the last prescription just higher dosage.

It can take quite some time to settle with new dosages, when i was getting my different meds balanced it would take anything up to a month to figure things out, usually a fortnight though.. Hope it settles for you soon..

frulewis

do you ever wish your brain would just shut the **** up & let you get on with the day??? On and on, round and round driving me absolutely crackers.

AnneFrank

Gremlinertia wrote: »

It can take quite some time to settle with new dosages, when i was getting my different meds balanced it would take anything up to a month to figure things out, usually a fortnight though.. Hope it settles for you soon..

oh nooo! i am having to get mine upped after the first 5 months on 50mg as my mood is rapidly going downhill again, i really didn't need to know this i wonder is it worth it now, dam !

Gremlinertia

You shouldn't feel crappy for too long and in the long run it's honestly worth it..

Donnielighto

Gremlinertia wrote: »

You shouldn't feel crappy for too long and in the long run it's honestly worth it..

Tbh today has been a lot easier so it seems to be going well already

Gremlinertia

Donnielighto wrote: »

Tbh today has been a lot easier so it seems to be going well already

Nice one, long may it continue, post here anytime

failinis

Who knew Martin mc G would lead my mum into the old "grandkids" thing with me.
Marty got diagnosed with a kind of rare enough version of some genetic illness, which is passed down 50/50 chance etc.
She was going on about the whole "its like a game of chance you just don't know who will be effected - kind of like you and your eggs."
Fúck my bloody eggs.
My doctor told me it would be seriously bad for me to physically carry a child, never mind the chance of passing on illness.
Even if I donated eggs to a surrogate (hell even donate to a future partner), I can't. Because they can't screen my eggs for whatever mystery genetic screw up so all my eggs are "bad." Which is fine. I am not maternal.
I could consider dating someone with their own children from past relationships, or even them carrying a IVF kid but my DNA would never be involved. But thats okay to me. For now anyway so thats fine?
My mother is like "You must ask that dr again when you see him."
Yeah no - go look my siblings for grandchildren - you will get a grand dog from me.
I don't feel guilty, maybe I do. Its not in my control.

I have several nieces and nephews - if my brother is a carrier of the disease I have, then chances are some of his kids are fúcked up and ticking time bombs. I feel guilty even though there is no control. I don't want them to go through what I am going through.

jezzer

Anyone see the tommy tiernan show last night? its a comedy show yet they saw fit to give mental health a platform, i think this shows that we are making good strides towards tackling mental health in this country now.

AnneFrank

jezzer wrote: »

Anyone see the tommy tiernan show last night? its a comedy show yet they saw fit to give mental health a platform, i think this shows that we are making good strides towards tackling mental health in this country now.

i did and i liked the guys idea of containment, but who has 300euro a session to pay a psychiatrist, i know i don't. I don't know how much the country has moved on, anyone i've tried to talk to ignore it and i don't see or hear from them again, including family

Gremlinertia

You can also find counselling at sliding rates around the country, obviously easier in bigger urban areas but worth a look..

StripedBoxers

In hospital waiting to be seen and given my third round of chemotherapy and I'm getting more anxious and irritable the longer I am waiting.

You'd think being my third round I wouldn't be as anxious but each and every time I'm just as anxious

I really hate anxiety. It's an awful illness to have.

Gremlinertia

Oh *hugs* Boxers, hope it doesn't get too overwhelming

jezzer

AnneFrank wrote: »

i did and i liked the guys idea of containment, but who has 300euro a session to pay a psychiatrist, i know i don't. I don't know how much the country has moved on, anyone i've tried to talk to ignore it and i don't see or hear from them again, including family

I totally agree with you, these guys dont operate on a real world level, i wouldnt be a fan of majella on donnell but i had to agree with her when she spoke out about these guys high fees, its not right how they can charge those amounts to vulnerable people, personally i've always had a problem with the whole paying councellors thing, you go in pour your heart out, they nod and act sympathetic then swiftly tell you the hour is up, get their money and rush you out the door, its all just too cold and transaction like for me, i'm not saying this is the case for everybody but thats been my experience, i remember one time seeing a councellor for a while and i just felt like i was being conned, one day after a session i went out to my car and sat there for a bit and she came out and got into her big BMW and drove off and i remember thinking to myself i've helped pay for that yet i still feel ****....again if councelling works for you fantastic, it just wasnt for me....

i'm sorry your experience has been bad regarding friends and family not wanting to accept your mental health issues, dont give up on people though someone out there can help