Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

Gael23

Two years ago today I woke up at 6:00 in the morning with the most excruciating stomach pain I have ever had in my life. The following 18 months were a rollercoaster with a few ups and downs along the way. At that point I was just about to finish my degree, which I did with a result that in no way reflected my ability.
Now I'm well on track with getting my health back, and I got accepted onto a masters degree which will hopefully under shadow my poor results from before.

My message is whatever situation you come up against, there is ALWAYS light at the end of it. It's not always easy to see, I know that morning when I was in n agony with blood coming from places it shouldn't, I certainly didn't see the other side. Now I've gone back to college, hopefully gotten control of my health in ways I never did before and most importantly f all been spurred on to challenge my body to do things I wouldn't have done before that day,

bridgettedon

StripedBoxers wrote: »

An absolutely horrid day today for my depression and anxiety.

I am jumpy, edgy, in horrid bad form.

Overheard someone calling me a "useless lump" and since then I've been fighting back the tears.

I feel useless enough as it is, without hearing someone say it about it.

Who said that about you? I'm annoyed on your behalf. Some people are so ignorant.

bridgettedon

Turtle_ wrote: »

Climbing the dosage ladder. Fml.

Honestly it's only a number. The way I look at it is that my body isn't producing enough of these chemicals therefore I need medication. It's a biological reason. Side effects can be sh@te though.

Had a bad enough day at work. Some people are so arrogant and rude. I wanted to punch someone in the face. Was so angry earlier. Have calmed down a bit now. I've put in an informal complaint of this person but if the situation happens again I will make a formal complaint. It makes me feel bad but this person has a terrible attitude.

Hugo Stiglitz

Sorry to hear that many of ye had a rough day there.

I know the feeling with work, my boss is an absolute nightmare and has definitely contributed to my anxiety.

StripedBoxers, it's horrible when you hear someone criticise you, but a comment like that says more about the person making it than it does about you. I know it's upsetting though. I try to remind myself that everyone in life will have people they clash with, there's no getting away from it, and all you can do is be the best person you can be. If someone can be so nasty then you shouldn't care what they think (easier said than done I know).

StripedBoxers

bridgettedon wrote: »

Who said that about you? I'm annoyed on your behalf. Some people are so ignorant.

A very close relative said it. Its why it hurts so much.

They've seen me at my lowest points so I would have thought they'd have some understanding but nope. They themselves have depression so you'd imagine they would know better than to say things like that, but nope.

Flying Fox wrote: »

I know the feeling with work, my boss is an absolute nightmare and has definitely contributed to my anxiety.

StripedBoxers, it's horrible when you hear someone criticise you, but a comment like that says more about the person making it than it does about you. I know it's upsetting though. I try to remind myself that everyone in life will have people they clash with, there's no getting away from it, and all you can do is be the best person you can be. If someone can be so nasty then you shouldn't care what they think (easier said than done I know).

I wish I would, its a continuous thing with putting me down, insulting me etc.

A guy showed interest in me not long ago and the first thing my relative said was "what does he see in you?" and pointed out all my flaws. Not one positive thing about was pointed out. Not one.

Thanks for the kind words you guys, really appreciate them.

Hugo Stiglitz

That sounds horrible, Boxers.

Is there any way you could take a bit of a break from this person for a little while? If he/she asks why, say it's because you're not prepared to accept being constantly insulted, and you need to look after yourself.

Unfortunately, sometimes the people who damage us are our own family. What your relative said is emotional abuse.

bridgettedon

StripedBoxers wrote: »

A very close relative said it. Its why it hurts so much.

They've seen me at my lowest points so I would have thought they'd have some understanding but nope. They themselves have depression so you'd imagine they would know better than to say things like that, but nope.

I wish I would, its a continuous thing with putting me down, insulting me etc.

A guy showed interest in me not long ago and the first thing my relative said was "what does he see in you?" and pointed out all my flaws. Not one positive thing about was pointed out. Not one.

Thanks for the kind words you guys, really appreciate them.

Have you tried speaking to them about this. My mom can be very straight forward in what she says sometimes. I feel she was constantly forcing me to do things so I told her that her behaviour was very upsetting to me. She has backed off a bit.

What your relative is saying is not nice at all. You could do the same back to them if you think that would work.

StripedBoxers

Flying Fox wrote: »

Is there any way you could take a bit of a break from this person for a little while? If he/she asks why, say it's because you're not prepared to accept being constantly insulted, and you need to look after yourself.

Unfortunately, sometimes the people who damage us are our own family. What your relative said is emotional abuse.

Unfortunately not, I wish I could. Have told them several times about their behaviour, it makes no difference. None at all. I've even pointed out some of the positive things about and got a grunt in response as if to say I think I'm great or something.

bridgettedon wrote: »

Have you tried speaking to them about this. My mom can be very straight forward in what she says sometimes. I feel she was constantly forcing me to do things so I told her that her behaviour was very upsetting to me. She has backed off a bit.

What your relative is saying is not nice at all. You could do the same back to them if you think that would work.

I have indeed spoken, several times, no notice is taken the insults, behaviour continue.

No point doing the same back as much as I'd love to at times, it'd make things worse and I'd rather not lower myself to their level and resort to insulting them to get my point across.

Euphoria Intensifies

I'm so sorry you have to put up with that SB. Your posts on here tell me that you're anything but a useless lump. You're fighting hard to keep going every day, despite having to put up with depression and anxiety. You're a fecking warrior, not a useless lump.

carzony

Reading the few posts there life doesnt seem to be getting easier for many of us lately

been on these beta-blockers 2 days now but don't really feel all that different.

whatismyname

Over the past few years I've run depression and anxiety support groups.

I put them on a break a while back as I had a shortage of volunteers and I had to focus on my own mental health.

Just found out that one of the people who had come to the group for a long while has taken their own life recently.

He stopped being able to come to the groups for quite a while before they ended.

His family made a point of getting in touch with me to tell me, and also told me some of his diary entries from times after he'd been at the support group, about what a safe space it felt for him, and how much it helped him.

I've been on many sides of suicide, but not this one before.

I also work in suicide prevention training, and gave my most recent training only this afternoon, so head is understandably quite muddled.

He was a wonderful, wonderful man, and it sounds like he was let down so badly by mental health services. He deserved so much better.

But I also feel so privileged to have known him, and to have helped in some way with what he experienced over the last few years.

I am so touched that his family thought to get in touch and they seemed truly grateful for the support that the group provided him with. They'd been trying to get him to go back to the group in the months before I stopped running it, but he wasn't up to it.

I needed to post this somewhere, not quite sure where, as friends would be asleep right now.

I don't know what to feel, but I'm glad that I'm able to take some good out of it too. I'm glad I was able to help him .

I wish so much it had ended differently for him, and I hate to think of what his family must be experiencing.

He tried so hard to overcome it. I hope that he is at peace.

I don't know what to feel but I am ok.

mickstupp

@whatismyname

You made him feel safe and cared about. That is such an incredible gift. I know how rare that can be from the last few months. And I know when you receive even a moment of that from someone, how great a difference it can make. How suddenly there's a bit of light inside.

Of course it doesn't last, due to our illness, or other factors... but for those few times you made a genuine and profound difference to his life. You made him feel better. Whether it lasted a week or a month or half a minute, you touched his heart and made him fee safe. You were one of the bright things in his life.

I am sure he would thank you for that if he could, and it reminds me that I should be thanking you now too. Because you've done the same for me before too, gave some light in the darkness.

And everyone here, a simple word of support can lift a person. I got offered bro hugs here a few weeks ago and cried, but not in sadness.

You do a lot of reaching out to others to help whatismyname, you couldn't have done more. You did what you could, and when I cynically look at the world, I think that what you could do is more than most people would even bother to do. You made a positive difference to his life.

Hugo Stiglitz

My mission for the next week is mindfulness. To focus on the here and now, and to call back my thoughts without judgement whenever they go astray.

How do you guys find doing that yourselves?

whatismyname

@mickstupp.

Thank you. That's pretty much what I would have said to someone else, but needed to hear it myself, if you know what I mean.

Thanks for your kind words.

And in relation to saying that he would have thanked me himself if he could, it meant the world to me that his family took the time to get in touch and do so, even though they are going through much themselves right now.

They also are not having flowers for funeral, and wanted to do a collection for the support group instead. But as I can't say with certainty that it'll come back, it wouldn't be appropriate. (The group had a shortage of volunteers, was too dependant on me, and so me taking time out to focus on my own mental health meant I had to stop it for a while. I really hope I'll get it back up and running, but still remain unable to do this as still need to focus on myself right now.)

But the fact that they got in touch and had so much positive to say at an already very difficult time meant the world to me.

Keane2baMused

Whatismyname how truly sad for that man's family but their kind words are testament to the difference you made in his life while he was in your group. You have every right to be proud of that fact.

Hugo I find if does help me to a certain extent. It's definitely worth doing. Only thing I find with me is often something will happen and I then have trouble keeping the negative thoughts out and find it very hard to avoid 'spiralling' again.

Bit of a 'meh' day here, neither bad nor good which is better than some days so I guess that's a positive.

Hugo Stiglitz

whatismyname wrote: »

Over the past few years I've run depression and anxiety support groups.

I put them on a break a while back as I had a shortage of volunteers and I had to focus on my own mental health.

Just found out that one of the people who had come to the group for a long while has taken their own life recently.

I'm so sorry to hear that.

Keane2baMused wrote: »

Hugo I find if does help me to a certain extent. It's definitely worth doing. Only thing I find with me is often something will happen and I then have trouble keeping the negative thoughts out and find it very hard to avoid 'spiralling' again.

Bit of a 'meh' day here, neither bad nor good which is better than some days so I guess that's a positive.

I was told not to make judgement on myself or the thoughts, just to call back my attention. The judgement part is troubling as I want to be angry at my wandering thoughts.

Hopefully the day will pick up for you there, it's still early enough yet.

mickstupp

Gael23 wrote: »

My message is whatever situation you come up against, there is ALWAYS light at the end of it.

For the last day I've been debating whether or not to say this. This is after all a place where people should come for hope, empathy, friendly ears. So I didn't want to put a downer on anyone. But I also need to say it.

I'm afraid I find myself unable to believe those words, whenever anyone says them. Or the idea that time heals all things. I can't believe it. I've been struggling with this every day for 23 years and the only thing that's gotten better is my ability to deal with certain aspects of it. Yet the underlying darkness is still always there every single waking moment.

I am always fighting myself, fighting the self-sabotaging, self-destructive part of me. Every. Single. Moment. It never ends. And it's exhausting.

And yes I'm seeing a bunch of different people, and taking what I'm supposed to, and listening, and doing constructive things... but none of it matters. None of it makes any sort of long term difference whatsoever. I have always been utterly without faith that I will ever escape this.

This is probably not the place for that sort of comment. But maybe I also want anyone who feels like I do, to know they're not the only one, because I know I've often felt afraid to voice that stuff. I had to say it though.

Gremlinertia

Rough few days.. I get that it's a lifelong for some cases which includes me, but a break now an then would be nice.. I'm with ya Mickstup, a breather here and there would be nice..

Hugo Stiglitz

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Rough few days.. I get that it's a lifelong for some cases which includes me, but a break now an then would be nice.. I'm with ya Mickstup, a breather here and there would be nice..

*hugs* So sorry to hear that, Grem.

Fellow lifer here too. Hopefully the breaks from all this will become longer and longer, until the dips back into the darkness are nothing more than brief clap of thunder on the horizon on an otherwise sunny day.

Pablodreamsofnew

Hi I'm a longtime lurking but don't post that often. I suffer from general anxiety disorder. I had CBT therapy a few year back and managed to have it under control but in December a few days before Christmas I had a miscarriage and it came back with a bang. I'm currently attending CBT again. It's so hard living with anxiey. I felt I was gaining back a little control with every session of CBT but last week I was in a pretty bad car crash and have concussion and whiplash. I feel like now I'm back to square one all over again. Very anxious. I couldn't attend therapy this week because of my injuries. Rant over

Gremlinertia

MrsYelnekoff wrote: »

Hi I'm a longtime lurking but don't post that often. I suffer from general anxiety disorder. I had CBT therapy a few year back and managed to have it under control but in December a few days before Christmas I had a miscarriage and it came back with a bang. I'm currently attending CBT again. It's so hard living with anxiey. I felt I was gaining back a little control with every session of CBT but last week I was in a pretty bad car crash and have concussion and whiplash. I feel like now I'm back to square one all over again. Very anxious. I couldn't attend therapy this week because of my injuries. Rant over

That's some strength you have, doubt I'd be off the floor yet. Glad you have access to help too and welcome to the thread..

Hugo Stiglitz

MrsYelnekoff wrote: »

Hi I'm a longtime lurking but don't post that often. I suffer from general anxiety disorder. I had CBT therapy a few year back and managed to have it under control but in December a few days before Christmas I had a miscarriage and it came back with a bang. I'm currently attending CBT again. It's so hard living with anxiey. I felt I was gaining back a little control with every session of CBT but last week I was in a pretty bad car crash and have concussion and whiplash. I feel like now I'm back to square one all over again. Very anxious. I couldn't attend therapy this week because of my injuries. Rant over

Welcome to the thread.

I'm so sorry for your loss there. I can't even imagine what that must have been like for you.

Pablodreamsofnew

Thank you. I don't feel strong at all. I just want to be back to a semi normal life. Anxiety is awful. I hate the panic attacks and when I'm not having a panic attack I'm scared I will have one.

Gremlinertia

MrsYelnekoff wrote: »

Thank you. I don't feel strong at all. I just want to be back to a semi normal life. Anxiety is awful. I hate the panic attacks and when I'm not having a panic attack I'm scared I will have one.

Anxiety is so draining i hope you get some rest at times.

Pablodreamsofnew

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Anxiety is so draining i hope you get some rest at times.

Not really at the minute. I'm having trouble sleeping. My CBT therapist has taught me some techniques but it's only short term relief. During the day I'm so busy it's normally at night that all the worries and panic set in. At the moment it's the feeling like I can't breath

Gremlinertia

Night time when things go quiet is when the brain gets a chance to run amok with thoughts that don't occur when busy.. Do you listen to music? Classical and metal help me because they take some of my brain to listen to them..

Pablodreamsofnew

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Night time when things go quiet is when the brain gets a chance to run amok with thoughts that don't occur when busy.. Do you listen to music? Classical and metal help me because they take some of my brain to listen to them..

Very true. Normally I love to read but can't even focus on that. Yes I do love music so might give that a try. It really worked for me when I was in labour a few years ago. I used to love going to concerts and festivals but haven't been able to go in years since being a mammy. Can't wait till he is old enough to bring to Electric picnic

One thing my therapist said is to try and figure out when the panic attacks happen and say 'I'm ready now, lets get this panic started' It helps only sometimes. It's meant to give back some control. since the accident last weeks I feel like I can't even remember the things I've learned from CBT. Probably concussion or maybes it's just extreme panic. I dunno.

Gremlinertia

Yeah reading isn't really possible for some.. Give yourself time to recuperate and be nice to yourself..