Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

tara73

thanks Hugo Stiglitz, even those small words help a lot.

Ray37

B00! wrote: »

May I just vent here a moment? I had a physically hard week, not to mention a very very social one and frankly, that is hard for me... and  nobody gets that!!! I had part of one day (yesterday) to just chill at home, and today I am still emotionally drained from the week and now it feels as if I have to face the firing squad in a few short hours, and deal with more of life's turmoil and act like I am normal and strong and calm... and it's more than I have in me!

...It's like I am on this never-endng roller coaster and my life is not my own, 'n that no matter what I do (or don't do) I am being judged! And I just wish... I don't know what I wish, but why can't life leave me alone for one effing weekend to just re-charge without the constant demands? I don't like adulting! Today I wish the world would go away, and I had a private sanctuary to hide in... indefinitely.

Thanks, I just needed someone to really hear me, cos nobody listens irl.

Hey Boo, sounds you like need some time to yourself. It's ok to be 'selfish' (I dont mean this in a negative sense ), and decline to do things if you arent up for it. Everyone deserves a mental health day here and there. I recall having a very bad week a year or two ago, and took a full week off work, and it did me the world of good. Can you try and take some time for yourself to do whatever YOU want? Even if it's a couch day with your duvet, look after yourself x

B00!

Ray37 wrote: »

Hey Boo, sounds you like need some time to yourself. It's ok to be 'selfish' (I dont mean this in a negative sense ), and decline to do things if you arent up for it. Everyone deserves a mental health day here and there. I recall having a very bad week a year or two ago, and took a full week off work, and it did me the world of good. Can you try and take some time for yourself to do whatever YOU want? Even if it's a couch day with your duvet, look after yourself x

Thank you Ray37, for a wise perspective. I shall try and have a duvet day tomorrow, the pressure is getting a bit much. And I get what you mean, everyone seems to know how to take care of themselves and I get caught in the middle. I am still learning about boundaries and self-care. Thank you again!!!!

B00!

B00! wrote: »

Thank you Ray37, for a wise perspective. I shall try and have a duvet day tomorrow, the pressure is getting a bit much. And I get what you mean, everyone seems to know how to take care of themselves and I get caught in the middle. I am still learning about boundaries and self-care. Thank you again!!!!

It's ok Boo. Ok to feel lost and overwhelmed. It's not pleasant but it's ok. Sometimes not looking after ourselves is because we don't feel worth it or that we deserve looking after. You do deserve it Boo. Take a day and always remember how important and deserving you are.

B00!

Deleted User wrote: »

It's ok Boo. Ok to feel lost and overwhelmed. It's not pleasant but it's ok.
Sometimes not looking after ourselves is because we don't feel worth it or that we deserve looking after.
You do deserve it Boo. Take a day and always remember how important and deserving you are.

Thanks Persepoly. I appreciate the thoughts --- "it's ok"
I never thought of it that way.
Very kind, thank you Persepoly!.... We all deserve it, indeed.

Nyctolust

My grandmother was taken into hospital when I was in the middle of exams in February. On March 2nd we found out she had stomach and liver cancer and we'd only have a few months max left with her. She passed seventeen days later, almost two weeks now and it's been getting harder and harder every day. I did cry a lot on the day she passed and the days leading up to her funeral, but not as much as I normally would have. I haven't really been able to allow myself to grieve yet because of all the stress and anxiety of exams. And most of my friends got sick of me and left so I haven't had anyone to talk about it either since my therapists dropped me. Yesterday towards the end of an oral I accidentally mentioned my grandmother by instinct and it suddenly started to sink in and I started breaking down. Seeing my mother and grandfather so lost and broken and not knowing what to do for them except just be there is horrible. Trying to cope with school while dealing with all of this plus multiple mental illnesses and chest pains and hospital trips is horrible. Not remembering what "okay" or "happy" feels like is horrible.

B00!

Sending comforting thoughts your way Nyctolust Mind yourself when possible.

Tell me how

Nyctolust wrote:

My grandmother was taken into hospital when I was in the middle of exams in February. On March 2nd we found out she had stomach and liver cancer and we'd only have a few months max left with her. She passed seventeen days later, almost two weeks now and it's been getting harder and harder every day. I did cry a lot on the day she passed and the days leading up to her funeral, but not as much as I normally would have. I haven't really been able to allow myself to grieve yet because of all the stress and anxiety of exams. And most of my friends got sick of me and left so I haven't had anyone to talk about it either since my therapists dropped me. Yesterday towards the end of an oral I accidentally mentioned my grandmother by instinct and it suddenly started to sink in and I started breaking down. Seeing my mother and grandfather so lost and broken and not knowing what to do for them except just be there is horrible. Trying to cope with school while dealing with all of this plus multiple mental illnesses and chest pains and hospital trips is horrible. Not remembering what "okay" or "happy" feels like is horrible.

You're going through a very rough patch Nyctolust.
Have you a GP who you can talk to and explain what's going on?
If you're therapist dropped you as you say then that is scary. Were you referred to them by someone? If so, tell that person the story.

Grief can be one of the deepest feelings of sadness but it does pass, or at least change given time, the appropriate support and allowing yourself to process it.

The options of deferring exams is probably there if you're in college but will have other implications but at the least, I would make sure your school/college know what you are dealing with. They too have support structures for helping people in such a position.

RubyXI

I know it sounds stupid and dramatic but this bus strike is killing me. I have to get the bus to and from work every day. And although I hate the bus, at least it meant I could get around on my own. Now I have to arrange lifts every day. I have to rely on other people. I have to talk to other people in their cars. One on one. I hate it so much. I just want it all to stop. There's nothing I can do to control it or fix it. I just want it to stop.

Lady is a tramp

phi3 wrote: »

I know it sounds stupid and dramatic but this bus strike is killing me. I have to get the bus to and from work every day. And although I hate the bus, at least it meant I could get around on my own. Now I have to arrange lifts every day. I have to rely on other people. I have to talk to other people in their cars. One on one. I hate it so much. I just want it all to stop. There's nothing I can do to control it or fix it. I just want it to stop.

Jesus I had this exact discussion with my counsellor at the weekend. I live in Athy and get the train to Heuston every day for work. On Friday, with the trains not going, I drove to Dublin for work - which was a big "thing" for me in itself - but also, I offered a colleague a lift back to Athy. Because of the traffic, it was nearly three hours of smalltalk. She's a Nigerian lady, and I don't know what it is about that accent, but to me it can come across as quite aggressive. Three hours of shouting at me to drive faster, to overtake, etc - and I'm not the most confident driver as it is. And then we were talking about our kids, and I mentioned that my son lives with his dad. And she was telling me that it's not right at his age - that "Chances of him loving his mum are slim", "Chances of him loving his mum are slim", it's ricocheting around in my head ever since.

Tell me how

Lady is a tramp wrote:

Chances of him loving his mum are slim", it's ricocheting around in my head ever since.

Jesus but that is a terrible thought to have put in your head.

There is no rulebook on how people feel about their parents or what leads to strong feelings one way or another.

Love your child as much as you can whenever you can is all that you can do.

readytosnap

Ive been on tablets for about 12 years, the last few years they were citrol 30mg, i honestly never felt they were any use, anyway, like many on here I tend to interact little with others and I visit with my doc probably only once in the last 2 years, i just ring for prescription (3 months at a time) get it collected and brought to the pharmacy, the last 4/5 months The citrol was not on the prescription, so have had no tablets, cant say I feel a whole lot worse, but definitely on the low down for a good long time (3/4 years) and getting worse, now stressing about having to go see doc about why they are not on the prescription (most likely a clerical error as this happens all the time) there always seems to be something missing ( I do get 14 items every prescription, most have not changed over the years just the name of the supplier) A psychiatrist told me the citrol was useless anyway and it is one of the weakest drugs available, i really need to get something to calm me down (anxiety / depression) but its so traumatic going to see the doctor. sorry for having a rant which probably does not make much sense.

Tell me how

readytosnap wrote: »

Ive been on tablets for about 12 years, the last few years they were citrol 30mg, i honestly never felt they were any use, anyway, like many on here I tend to interact little with others and I visit with my doc probably only once in the last 2 years, i just ring for prescription (3 months at a time) get it collected and brought to the pharmacy, the last 4/5 months The citrol was not on the prescription, so have had no tablets, cant say I feel a whole lot worse, but definitely on the low down for a good long time (3/4 years) and getting worse, now stressing about having to go see doc about why they are not on the prescription (most likely a clerical error as this happens all the time) there always seems to be something missing ( I do get 14 items every prescription, most have not changed over the years just the name of the supplier) A psychiatrist told me the citrol was useless anyway and it is one of the weakest drugs available, i really need to get something to calm me down (anxiety / depression) but its so traumatic going to see the doctor. sorry for having a rant which probably does not make much sense.

Hi readytosnap.
I hope writing the above allowed you to vent a little and has helped.
I would say two things after reading your post.

1 - I think it might help to see your Dr to discuss your treatment. 2 years is a long time and it is hard for a Dr to remember objectively what exactly you were like when they last saw you and so, in my view, makes it harder to get the best treatment.
2 - Your Dr needs to know whenever you are not taking what has been prescribed whether it is because of a clerical error or for some other reason.

B00!

phi3 wrote: »

I know it sounds stupid and dramatic but this bus strike is killing me. I have to get the bus to and from work every day. And although I hate the bus, at least it meant I could get around on my own. Now I have to arrange lifts every day. I have to rely on other people. I have to talk to other people in their cars. One on one. I hate it so much. I just want it all to stop. There's nothing I can do to control it or fix it. I just want it to stop.

I remember going through this last year.
Hopefully it won't last long... and it will stop phi3.
Until then, be gentle with yourself.

Kurtosis

readytosnap wrote: »

Ive been on tablets for about 12 years, the last few years they were citrol 30mg, i honestly never felt they were any use, anyway, like many on here I tend to interact little with others and I visit with my doc probably only once in the last 2 years, i just ring for prescription (3 months at a time) get it collected and brought to the pharmacy, the last 4/5 months The citrol was not on the prescription, so have had no tablets, cant say I feel a whole lot worse, but definitely on the low down for a good long time (3/4 years) and getting worse, now stressing about having to go see doc about why they are not on the prescription (most likely a clerical error as this happens all the time) there always seems to be something missing ( I do get 14 items every prescription, most have not changed over the years just the name of the supplier) A psychiatrist told me the citrol was useless anyway and it is one of the weakest drugs available, i really need to get something to calm me down (anxiety / depression) but its so traumatic going to see the doctor. sorry for having a rant which probably does not make much sense.

I hope you're doing OK readytosnap. If it's just the last couple of days you've had no tablets, while you're waiting to see the doctor I'd suggest contacting the pharmacy to see about getting a few days worth to tide you over. With some medications it's not good to stop suddenly, but you could speak to the pharmacist/your doctor about this.

readytosnap

Kurtosis wrote: »

I hope you're doing OK readytosnap. If it's just the last couple of days you've had no tablets, while you're waiting to see the doctor I'd suggest contacting the pharmacy to see about getting a few days worth to tide you over. With some medications it's not good to stop suddenly, but you could speak to the pharmacist/your doctor about this.

its been a few months, every day that passes it just gets harder to try and go to the doctor, I'm sure that sounds stupid, but there is a gazillion thoughts going through my head, i know i need to go, I know I should go, but I am having trouble going, i cannot focus. :mad::o

smjm

Lady is a tramp wrote: »

Jesus I had this exact discussion with my counsellor at the weekend. I live in Athy and get the train to Heuston every day for work. On Friday, with the trains not going, I drove to Dublin for work - which was a big "thing" for me in itself - but also, I offered a colleague a lift back to Athy. Because of the traffic, it was nearly three hours of smalltalk. She's a Nigerian lady, and I don't know what it is about that accent, but to me it can come across as quite aggressive. Three hours of shouting at me to drive faster, to overtake, etc - and I'm not the most confident driver as it is. And then we were talking about our kids, and I mentioned that my son lives with his dad. And she was telling me that it's not right at his age - that "Chances of him loving his mum are slim", "Chances of him loving his mum are slim", it's ricocheting around in my head ever since.

Sounds like you had an incredibly brave day! If you got through that, you can get through anything! Give yourself a pat on the back!

Ignore the comments about your son; some people are just dumb! Your son will always love you, no matter what!

Gremlinertia

readytosnap wrote: »

its been a few months, every day that passes it just gets harder to try and go to the doctor, I'm sure that sounds stupid, but there is a gazillion thoughts going through my head, i know i need to go, I know I should go, but I am having trouble going, i cannot focus. :mad::o

Hey, welcome to the thread, regarding appointments - i find if i make the appointment itself then i feel obliged to go.. I have often grabbed the phone and called, made the appointment all in one breath then spent time recovering from the anxiety of it after.

Gremlinertia

Such mood swings during night. My head is fried. I was overcome with despair for a while and now I'm feeling a building anger that I'm trying to accept and let go as I've been taught but it's so tough.

Turtle_

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Such mood swings during night. My head is fried. I was overcome with despair for a while and now I'm feeling a building anger that I'm trying to accept and let go as I've been taught but it's so tough.

The night can be tough. I spent a lot of it awake with my mind racing. Now I'm in work and, maybe it's the lack of sleep, but I'm really struggling. Anxious mess today.

Lady is a tramp

I made my counsellor cry today. With the state of me. She was so upset.

FFS. I wish there was someone in the world able for me.

I know that's so selfish of me.

State of me, and state of my life.

CorkFenian

Lady is a tramp wrote: »

I made my counsellor cry today. With the state of me. She was so upset.

FFS. I wish there was someone in the world able for me.

I know that's so selfish of me.

State of me, and state of my life.

What else are you doing besides counselling? How many hours a week do you put into in order to take you where you need to go? Do you even know where you wish to go?

Only saying this as your statements remind me of myself a few years ago , now I am nothing like that person, and its great , tough work but great (i'm not just talking about it but living it too, its the only way unfortunately)

CorkFenian

CorkFenian wrote: »

What else are you doing besides counselling? How many hours a week do you put into in order to take you where you need to go? Do you even know where you wish to go?

Only saying this as your statements remind me of myself a few years ago , now I am nothing like that person, and its great , tough work but great (i'm not just talking about it but living it too, its the only way unfortunately)

Perhaps Lady is doing the best she can?

Turtle_

Deleted User wrote: »

Perhaps Lady is doing the best she can?

I was thinking back to a year ago... Lady has done a fantastic job getting this far.

I think there's something in the water at the moment, most people I know are having sorta set-backs. But that's what they are, they are not permanent.

You're doing well, Lady. You've come so far. As for that woman you gave a lift to, pay no attention to her. (Easier said than done). I admire you though, I couldn't have put up with that.

BorneTobyWilde

Lady is a tramp wrote: »

I made my counsellor cry today. With the state of me. She was so upset.

FFS. I wish there was someone in the world able for me.

I know that's so selfish of me.

State of me, and state of my life.

Why did she cry?

Lady is a tramp

CorkFenian wrote: »

What else are you doing besides counselling? How many hours a week do you put into in order to take you where you need to go? Do you even know where you wish to go?

Only saying this as your statements remind me of myself a few years ago , now I am nothing like that person, and its great , tough work but great (i'm not just talking about it but living it too, its the only way unfortunately)

I'm doing plenty. Going back into residential treatment tomorrow. My counsellor and two other counsellors are coming for the road trip. I'm trying.

Lady is a tramp

Look I haven't had an easy life. Being really violentally sexually abused from 3 years old, by an uncle priest, it doesn't set you up well. And I mean psychopathically violent. Its only in the last year I've even begun to deal with it. I'm doing the best I can. That means treatment now. Its the only option.

Lady is a tramp

BorneTobyWilde wrote: »

Why did she cry?

Coz she brought me to the residential treatment centre where I was for seven months. The two nurses on duty rejected me. She knows how much rejection I've had. It was tough.

She finally understood how bad it is to be spoken to like that. Coz she was there too. She was just so disappointed that she works for such a crowd that would do that

The following day, the head nurse apologised to her for both of us. Said it was disgraceful and wouldn't have happened on her watch. Meant a lot that she said it.

Wanderer78

Lady is a tramp wrote:

Coz she brought me to the residential treatment centre where I was for seven months. The two nurses on duty rejected me. She knows how much rejection I've had. It was tough.

This is disgraceful behaviour, Charlie bird is right, our politicians and political system couldn't give a **** about mental health problems, it's all lip service. I wish you the very best of luck, it's sounds like you have a fantastic councillor there.

Tell me how

Lady is a tramp wrote:

I'm doing plenty. Going back into residential treatment tomorrow. My counsellor and two other counsellors are coming for the road trip. I'm trying.

Best of luck with it Lady. You've been working extremely hard and this is the next piece of work. Hopefully it is positive for you.



Nobody here should have to explain themselves.
It's a support group, not a discussion group per say.