Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

inca2

@ stop animal cruelty - that is tough when you are faced with that within your own family. It's easy for me to say, but everyone has their own battles to fight. Everything can't be as it appears on the surface. Try not to compare yourself, you're obviously doing great with your own battles.

I also had a very bad day yesterday. Before I started medication, I was sleeping excessively but the sleep was of very poor quality. Now, the insomnia caused by the sertraline is crippling (2 and a half weeks without letting up despite trying everything I could) so I was prescribed a few days' worth of sleeping tablets during the week as I have exams in 3 weeks and really need to get myself back on track. Stakes are high and repeating in August is really not an option. Had a decent night's sleep on Wednesday. On Thursday night, I made the mistake of deciding that I would do without them as I felt I was tired enough to sleep and I'm afraid of getting addicted/being overly groggy etc. I got about 2 hours of broken sleep and then had to deal with a group of undergrad students screaming outside my window from 4.30am as they were celebrating the end of exams. Had to go to a class at 9am, was asked to present in front of the group, mind went blank and I fell apart. Beat myself up for the day, for making a fool of myself and for having a bad day as I felt I was making progress. Thankfully I didn't make the same mistake last night and got a few solid hours of sleep. Hopefully back on track after seeing my psychotherapist for a session this morning.

Hope everyone's Saturday is going ok.

Shannon757

I've been on too low a dose of painkillers since I left hospital about 3-4 weeks ago. The prescription was for double the dose of was on in hospital but they told me to stay on what they had me on so because of this I have to go up to the high high dose I was on before I went in and I'm terrified of the side effects of it. I feel so stupid and angry at myself

Tell me how

Shannon757 wrote: »

I've been on too low a dose of painkillers since I left hospital about 3-4 weeks ago. The prescription was for double the dose of was on in hospital but they told me to stay on what they had me on so because of this I have to go up to the high high dose I was on before I went in and I'm terrified of the side effects of it. I feel so stupid and angry at myself

Does this mean that you have not been taking the dosage prescribed to you?

If so, I think you should tell your Dr. I wouldn't just change immediately from what you have been taking. Are you due to visit your Dr again soon for a review.

Maybe your mum could call and explain if you are not due to visit.

Shannon757

Tell me how wrote: »

Does this mean that you have not been taking the dosage prescribed to you?

If so, I think you should tell your Dr. I wouldn't just change immediately from what you have been taking. Are you due to visit your Dr again soon for a review.

Maybe your mum could call and explain if you are not due to visit.

No I've been taking half of what I should have been taking. We got the prescription in the chemist yesterday and my mother went to the doctor to find out today and had everything clarified.

Tell me how

Shannon757 wrote: »

No I've been taking half of what I should have been taking. We got the prescription in the chemist yesterday and my mother went to the doctor to find out today and had everything clarified.

Well hopefully the new dose will have a positive effect.

Shannon757

Tell me how wrote: »

Well hopefully the new dose will have a positive effect.

It's the same dose I was on before that didn't work. I'm just worried about the side effects I know it will have

inocybe

I've been battling anxiety and depression most of my life, but this time I was determined to get the better of it, now I find that I've tried everything - everything, and I'm no better. I'm on medication, I take it properly. I've done 3 rounds of counselling with different counsellors, it hasn't helped. I got very low and called the Samaritans, the guy on the phone couldn't say anything to me, there were long silences and then he actually said 'I don't know what to say to you'. I've been back to the GP, had the meds increased. I went to a course run by Aware, it wasn't right for me. I don't know what else I can do, I feel like I've gone by the book this time, and nothing is helping. I'm not looking for medical advice, just a general moan - I'm tired, and so so sad all the time.

Tell me how

inocybe wrote: »

I've been battling anxiety and depression most of my life, but this time I was determined to get the better of it, now I find that I've tried everything - everything, and I'm no better. I'm on medication, I take it properly. I've done 3 rounds of counselling with different counsellors, it hasn't helped. I got very low and called the Samaritans, the guy on the phone couldn't say anything to me, there were long silences and then he actually said 'I don't know what to say to you'. I've been back to the GP, had the meds increased. I went to a course run by Aware, it wasn't right for me. I don't know what else I can do, I feel like I've gone by the book this time, and nothing is helping. I'm not looking for medical advice, just a general moan - I'm tired, and so so sad all the time.

That bit in bold is exactly what my experience of depression was.

There is no easy answer. You are doing the right thing. All I can say is, keep doing it. Some day it will lift, it can be so gradual, sometimes you don't even see any improvement until you actually realize things are some bit better and maybe you can't even explain what helped.

I've been where you are (for over 8 years) and it did lift for me eventually. Not gone completely but enough that I can see it for what it is. An illness that needs to be managed.

Hopefully writing it down gave you some bit of relief. This is a good place to moan. Keep going.

Gremlinertia

I'm being treated for eight years now, it's a long road especially as i came to it so late, i knew something wasn't right in my teens but was thirty before I tackled it..
Well done on doing those things, it's now about finding your balance. I had to speak to quite a few therapists before I found someone right for me.. It's hard to be patient but you're always welcome here to get stuff off your chest.

Shannon757

Being housebound is really bringing me down. No motivation to do anything or talk to anyone

BorneTobyWilde

Why are you housebound.

Shannon757

BorneTobyWilde wrote: »

Why are you housebound.

Pain. Lots and lots of pain

BorneTobyWilde

Why are you in pain ?

Shannon757

BorneTobyWilde wrote: »

Why are you in pain ?

I have a chronic pain condition.

PMBC

Lady is a tramp wrote: »

God it is SO hard to get the balance right sometimes, between making progress, and pushing too hard. This is basically my biggest problem, or one of them.

I crashed and burned again recently, returning to work from illness too quickly and against the advice of those who know best. So I'm trying to (again) pick myself and start over. Figure out what I should be doing, and how to go about doing it. A job is out of the question, for the forseeable future, at least.

These past few days have been "productive" for me. Made progress with things like my living arrangements, and with my support network, etc. Trying to figure out what my day-to-day plans will look like without a job, etc. I'm trying.

But the more I do (and I'm taking things very slowly) the more I feel my anxiety levels rise. I keep forgetting to breathe. Or does anyone else get that sensation like they're forgetting to breathe, for hours/days at a time? I hope that makes sense to someone. I'm not racing/rushing around, and I'm not taking too much on, not at all. And yet I can feel the tension creeping up inside me.

I'm doing some things right.
- I'm eating well, doing lots of cooking, regular meals, taking my vitamin supplements.
- I'm taking my prescribed medication.
- I'm exercising several times a week, but not obsessively. But I've a good routine in place. It's helping.
- I'm getting access to my son (he's three) and it's all going very well.
- I'm talking. I attend AA meetings daily or close enough to daily, and I speak openly and honestly at them. I also have a very very close friend who started off as my counsellor but is now more like family to me - she is my biggest support and I see her at least twice a week, and talk to her most days.
- I'm reading the books I'm recommended to read, and listening to positive affirmations, and doing meditation, and doing all those self-care things that I should be doing.

So here are the main problems at the moment.
- My living arrangements are an issue for me. I'm currently living with my parents, and am managing it OK so far, but it's really not good for my mental health. I have worked out an arrangement where I can rent a room far far away from them 3 nights out of 7, starting this week, and that's hopefully going to help a lot (give me time/space to breathe.) I'm home to the parents this evening for the weekend though, and it's going to be a tough one - my mother isn't speaking to me (god knows why this time) and the tension/iciness is horrible. Financially and logistically, things aren't going to change there any time soon.
- I've an AA sponsor, which is very important as I'm only in early recovery, and I feel like we're having problems with our expectations of each other. She wants me to need her a lot more than I do, and I am uncomfortable relying heavily on someone I don't know well enough to yet. I have trust issues, and I think she's frustrated that it's going to take me time to fully open up to her, and I don't think she gets that I'm trying my best. She is the right person, and I'm confident of that, I just wish we could be more in sync with each other.
- I don't know what my focus/direction should be, without a job. I'm a little bit lost. I'm not even allowed do voluntary work for now.

I don't know what I'm really looking for with this post, but I just feel like I need to get it all out a bit somewhere.

I think loneliness is an issue for me too. A big one. I mentioned above that I have one really really good close friend, but I feel like I have very few others right now. Plenty of people I can talk to, but no one else I can really trust, and no one else that gets me like she does. And on the other side of that, my family/friends think it's really weird and inappropriate that I've become such good friends with someone that I got to know in a professional capacity, but it's just how it is. I hate that people are so judge-y and opinionated about my relationship with her - it makes me feel like it's something to be ashamed or embarrassed about.

It's not like I'm closed off to the idea of making lots of new close friends - I do try, I mean I talk to people and make an effort and all the rest, but I feel like at my age (early thirties) people already have their lifelong friendships formed. I'm getting involved in things like Toastmasters and running clubs, and as mentioned the whole recovery scene, AA and all the rest. I'm not finding any great friendships materialising so far though, I guess it just takes time. I know I'm not totally off-putting or unlikeable, or so I'm told. I just ... I don't know, I wish I could skip the whole getting-to-know-each-other bit, and skip straight to the comfortable-in-each-others-company bit, where everyone knows where they stand.

I'm awkward as f*ck, aren't I.

It's weird like. The next few days, I'll be around lots of people, but (other than my son) they're so meaningless to me. I want more genuine connections in my life, but don't know how to go about forming them. I don't know if it's that I don't know how/where to meet the right people to be my friends, or if the problem is me - that people I'm compatible with are just extremely few and far between.

Give it time and you will find something in every person as they will in you.
Recently I came across a death notice of a guy who worked in the same company as myself. He tended to be a bit 'smart' at times but was not the worst. Then I worked side by side with him for two days on a project and I saw another caring side of him which revealed there was more to him than I had thought. What did he and others think of me. I don't know and since I cant control their views I don't really care. I continue to be myself and to change what I can for the better. What does he think of me now? Unanswerable and if there is an answer it doesn't matter to either of us. Life is too short, do the best you can to be the best you can be.

La.de.da

PMBC wrote: »

Give it time and you will find something in every person as they will in you.
Recently I came across a death notice of a guy who worked in the same company as myself. He tended to be a bit 'smart' at times but was not the worst. Then I worked side by side with him for two days on a project and I saw another caring side of him which revealed there was more to him than I had thought. What did he and others think of me. I don't know and since I cant control their views I don't really care. I continue to be myself and to change what I can for the better. What does he think of me now? Unanswerable and if there is an answer it doesn't matter to either of us. Life is too short, do the best you can to be the best you can be.

Exactly very well said. If someone dislikes me, well that's fine I can rarely change it nor can I be bothered. There's plenty of other humans on this planet.

I've learned a lot in my 32 years. I don't attempt to "keep up with the jones's" anymore. Nor the academia crowd, nor the career go getter.
I'm simply happy and grateful to be able to get up most days and eat,drink take a walk etc.

I truly think if people take a step back, make their lives simpler, even for a while and gain perspective they'd benefit massively.

BorneTobyWilde

Shannon757 wrote: »

I have a chronic pain condition.

Have you tried acupuncture

Shannon757

BorneTobyWilde wrote: »

Have you tried acupuncture

Starting it 1st of June if I'm still around by then.

Turtle_

PMBC wrote: »

He tended to be a bit 'smart' at times but was not the worst. Then I worked side by side with him for two days on a project and I saw another caring side of him which revealed there was more to him than I had thought.

This resonates a lot with me. I had someone pegged as a certain type. Kinda intimidating. Got to know them better and found out that actually they're an incredibly sensitive and caring person and my perceptions couldn't have been further from the truth. They're now one of my closest friends.

It's interesting because I have always been kinda shy, but assertive if I need to be. This person is the exact same. So even though I knew people saw me as intimidating and standoffish, I didn't recognise the exact same and made the wrong assumptions. People can be incredibly nice if you let them in. And I've found it's often the least likely of them who turn out to be the warmest.

stop animal cruelty

I feel iv gone 10 steps back.

I would have stayed in bed for the day if i didn't have work. My self esteem hard hit pretty much rock bottom.

I feel so alone, its nothing new. My anxiety has been sky high the last 24 he's. Visited a cousin but i was so quiet and anxious i couldn't think of anything to say .

Feel as if im going against myself, like im not allowing myself have some self compassion a bit, i just need a break from everything.

moonboy52

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

I feel iv gone 10 steps back.

I would have stayed in bed for the day if i didn't have work. My self esteem hard hit pretty much rock bottom.

I feel so alone, its nothing new. My anxiety has been sky high the last 24 he's. Visited a cousin but i was so quiet and anxious i couldn't think of anything to say .

Feel as if im going against myself, like im not allowing myself have some self compassion a bit, i just need a break from everything.

I feel you, stop animal cruelty.

It is hard and easier said than done, but you took the initiative and called to your cousin.

The internal chatter about how the interaction went i understand, but the fact is you did it when every fibre of your being i'm sure said stay at home.

Stay strong.

Tell me how

I agree with moonboy52.

Work might have been the reason you got out of bed, but you did it.
Similarly with visiting your cousin.

Could you set a day (or days) in future to give yourself that break. Maybe a spa day or something that you could look forward to, whatever you might like, even if the enthusiasm isn't at 100%.

Shannon757

Very nearly ended up in hospital this evening. Brought back lots of memories from my last admission. Been really down and anxious since.
Dark thoughts playing havoc with my head. Can't for the life of me start by this note

Tell me how

Shannon757 wrote:

Very nearly ended up in hospital this evening. Brought back lots of memories from my last admission. Been really down and anxious since. Dark thoughts playing havoc with my head. Can't for the life of me start by this note

Well, hope its a good sign you didn't actually end up in hospital. I know it's a constant pain for you.

stop animal cruelty

Thanks for the repkys guys.

The loneliness is a massive factor, i do so much on my own cause i. Don't really have anyone. Its the biggest killer really , i feel like a loser cause i have no one, that's wars really effecting the self esteem. But ya, just Gotta keep going

moonboy52

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

Thanks for the repkys guys.

The loneliness is a massive factor, i do so much on my own cause i. Don't really have anyone. Its the biggest killer really , i feel like a loser cause i have no one, that's wars really effecting the self esteem. But ya, just Gotta keep going

Amen to that brother / sister

inca2

I'm on sertraline 4 weeks tomorrow and there's no doubt that I've seen a big improvement in symptoms of depression and anxiety (psychotherapy has also had a big part to play). Unfortunately, the setbacks just keep on coming. A member of my immediate family was admitted to hospital last week and initially, a particular diagnosis was suspected so we were left only to think that the situation would end in the worst possible way. Thankfully all turned out well and the suspected condition was ruled out and his recovery is well underway. I had been doing ok until today as I had been busy and focused on being matter of fact and looking after the situation at the hospital but the reality of how things could have turned out has just hit me. Along with my own health problems over the past 18 months and a very difficult bereavement a few months ago, I'm just left wondering if I'm ever going to get a break. I have exams in 2 weeks time and will be woefully unprepared - deferring until August or repeating isn't an option for me so the pressure is very much on. After making some progress, I now want to crawl into a hole and just stay there.

stop animal cruelty

Hey inc2

Hope u don't mind me asking, how dobu think psychotherapy is helping? What is it that you are doing?

Just asking cause it might be something I might do, good to hear its working great for u.

Tell me how

inca2 wrote:

After making some progress, I now want to crawl into a hole and just stay there.

That's can be very typical of progress. It can be like sine wave, up and down. Hopefully the general trend is upwards though.

If deferring isn't an option for exams, could you just tell yourself that given what you've been through sitting the exams is success. Knowing that might take pressure off you and you may surprise yourself.

inca2

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

Hey inc2

Hope u don't mind me asking, how dobu think psychotherapy is helping? What is it that you are doing?

Just asking cause it might be something I might do, good to hear its working great for u.

I would definitely recommend it. I know it doesn't suit everyone, but everyone should give it a good try. The key is in finding a psychotherapist who you get on well with, someone you're willing to talk to and equally someone who is going to interact with you in the way that you need. You also need to be willing to talk in general. Some people just aren't ready to. I was very lucky in that I get on like a house on fire with the first guy I saw. My sessions are very much an informal chat about all sorts of things. It works really well for me because I think I'm a little unusual in that I had a very stable and supportive upbringing, no major life events etc. that triggered my illness initially so I always felt that I had nothing to talk about. I never felt I had a reason for being depressed but he taught me that my problems are my problems and that I shouldn't ever compare myself to others - no, I was never abused or never had a serious illness etc. but that doesn't mean that my issues aren't significant to me. Things like minor bullying and severe stress around the Leaving Cert seemed to trigger mine all those years ago. I found it helpful to just get it out there and have my feelings on it validated. So that is really helpful. He has also incorporated a bit of CBT here and there to help me challenge my negative thinking patterns and I've found that pretty good - but generally just being able to talk openly about the things that really bother me has been so helpful. Like I say, sometimes you need to try a few different people until you get a good fit for you and that can be frustrating but well worth the effort if you can do it. I was referred to my therapist by my GP so maybe you could ask at yours and see if there's anyone they recommend?