Remind me never to have children

CaraMay

You are dead right. I always think some people shouldn't be parents

Fluffy Cat 88

Don't want them.
Don't have them.

Love my freedom too

wil

JumpShivers wrote: »

My OH and I are happy to maintain our happiness and youth and stay child-free.

I'd say your kids would thank you for that.

eviltwin

Are you trying to convince us or yourself op?

Fluffy Cat 88

Jamir Dead Fishing wrote: »

Have we not had several threads on this already?

Ah yes, loads of em!

Sprog-Wars has only just begun. Its war so it is!

noaddedsugar

I hate to break it to you but you won't be able to maintain your youth even if you don't have kids. You will sadly age at the same rate us poor parents do.

Digs

Absolutely agree if someone views children in that way it's a very sensible decision not to have them!

People lose the absolute run of themselves regarding this topic!!!!

What is that all about.

AtomicHorror

I have one child. There's undoubtedly a reduction in personal freedom, but for me that tradeoff has been very worthwhile. The kid is a joy to share life with.

That being said, I can understand the appeal of the child free life, and I don't begrudge anyone who chooses it. It's a massive commitment, there are plenty of people keeping the human race going without anyone feeling the need to help out and if you just don't want it, you're better off skipping it. As are the potential kids, in some cases- though I've no doubt that plenty of childfree diehards would make better parents than most if the unexpected happened.

John_Rambo

JumpShivers wrote: »

Personally, I don't want children but it wouldn't be the end of the world if it happened. Children seem to be such a drain on happiness, money and energy.

If you have children, your personal life is essentially on hold for at least 18 years. There is also the possibility that the child could grow up sick later in life or get complications.

My OH and I LOVE our freedom, we are always going on impromptu weekends away abroad and here in Ireland. With children, you couldn't do that.

Then there is the added cost of childcare and the hassle and stress and sleepless nights that come with it.

My OH and I are happy to maintain our happiness and youth and stay child-free.

Yes you can. Did it last weekend and the weekend before. Went surfing and had some great dinners out. So, the personal life things isn't true either. I'm happy, energetic and youthful too, so those bits are void as well. They are expensive though, I'll give you that.

Fair play to you on your decision though. It's probably a good decision.

We were together 23 years when we had "news" at the age of 40. So had a good innings on the whole drinking and freedom scene.

Liberosis

Nope. Don't want 'em.

Not that gone on the whole marriage thing either, but if I was to pick one over the other it would be marriage.

thierry14

[Deleted User] wrote: »

People lose the absolute run of themselves regarding this topic!!!!

What is that all about.

After a while there is **** all to do anyway.

I didn't want either but doing the same old thing with same person gets boring.

Was never going to be rich either

AtomicHorror

Deleted User wrote: »

People lose the absolute run of themselves regarding this topic!!!!

What is that all about.

Same mentality as Playstation versus Xbox, which is an either/or for most people due to cost. You invest heavily in your choice, you feel bound to it. Someone else makes a different choice and all the little doubts start to creep in. Oh should I have gone for the PS and got that exclusive that looks so nice?

So you shout it out. Silence the nagging voice of doubt.

Or, if you're really happy about your choice, you can look at other people's decisions and think "good for them, but not for me".

cowboyBuilder

JumpShivers wrote: »

Personally, I don't want children but it wouldn't be the end of the world if it happened. Children seem to be such a drain on happiness, money and energy.

Really ? they are ... news to me ... let me know when I should start feeling
unhappy with 2 kids ..

less money sure but worth it.

If you have children, your personal life is essentially on hold for at least 18 years. There is also the possibility that the child could grow up sick later in life or get complications.

Talk about over reacting ! personal life on hold for 18 years !!
what are you on about - We still have our personal lives, we have all evenings free cos they are asleep !!
We can go on weekends away with our kids ... most places cater
for kids too you know ... unless we wanna go skydiving or all night raving (never into that sh*te anyway).

My OH and I LOVE our freedom, we are always going on impromptu weekends away abroad and here in Ireland. With children, you couldn't do that.

Good for you, but regarding kids - see above, you can actually.

Then there is the added cost of childcare and the hassle and stress and sleepless nights that come with it.

This is the one thing I'd agree with, childcare can be expensive - but doesn´t last forever.
sleepless nights - very lucky in that regard, I have a 4 year old and 5 month old and they are good sleepers - but even if other kids aren't it's temporary.

My OH and I are happy to maintain our happiness and youth and stay child-free.

Again, good for you, it's a life choice.

A Dub in Glasgo

Yes i have children and no I would not change that for the world!

myshirt

I think it is incredibly selfish to deliberately and intentionally avoid having children. Amazed op.

tomwaterford

myshirt wrote: »

I think it is incredibly selfish to deliberately and intentionally avoid having children. Amazed op.

Even more selfish than to bring a kid into the world you don't want and end up hating/resenting said child??

AtomicHorror

myshirt wrote: »

I think it is incredibly selfish to deliberately and intentionally avoid having children. Amazed op.

This seems like a completely legit counter argument to me. I anticipate it will prompt much rational discussion.

Liberosis

myshirt wrote: »

I think it is incredibly selfish to deliberately and intentionally avoid having children. Amazed op.

Disagree. I think it's selfish (and reckless) to have children when you don't want them.

A Dub in Glasgo

Liberosis wrote: »

Disagree. I think it's selfish (and reckless) to have children when you don't want them.

You see the problem with this line of thinking is that you do not know if you want them or not. Once you have in a loving relationship, your view will change... I will guarantee that

Ruu

Hav tree little angels already!

AtomicHorror

AtomicHorror wrote: »

Same mentality as Playstation versus Xbox, which is an either/or for most people due to cost. You invest heavily in your choice, you feel bound to it. Someone else makes a different choice and all the little doubts start to creep in. Oh should I have gone for the PS and got that exclusive that looks so nice?

So you shout it out. Silence the nagging voice of doubt.

Or, if you're really happy about your choice, you can look at other people's decisions and think "good for them, but not for me".

I agree with this.
I might have babies and I might not. You have a little person. That's cool.
Some people know for certain they won't have children and some people know it's what they want. That's cool too.

Can't we all just love each other?

osarusan

We have 2, both planned and hoped for.

Sometimes I feel a bit envious about when people go on about impromptu weekend breaks and the like, but that's a bit fake as even before we had kids we didn't do that much at all.

Mostly if I'm traipsing around town with 2 kids in tow, looking for some silly toy one simply must have while the other one needs to go to the toilet NOW, and I see somebody sitting in a cafe with a drink and a book, so peaceful and relaxed and contented, I think that could be me in another life.

But, and I don't want to sound mawkish, having kids changed me completely, and changed my life completely. For all of their childishness (as if that's a bad thing for a child!), I cannot imagine anything as rewarding, valuable or joyful in my life apart from them. Pathetic as it looks, this captures if quite well for me.

Definitely, they are not something everybody wants though, and the pressure to have them can be very ugly at times. Nobody should be pressured to bring a child into the world until they really want to (and even then, wanting to have one and actually raising one are not the same at all).

r93kaey5p2izun

In theory, in an ideal world, I would like to have children. But in reality, given personal circumstances, I can't see me ever being in a realistic position to have any. So no, I don't want children given the reality of my situation but if things were different then I would.

eviltwin

I have two children, love them to bits. Life is all about sharing it with amazing people and my husband and kids are my favourite people to spend time with.

mzungu

Deleted User wrote: »

I agree with this.
I might have babies and I might not. You have a little person. That's cool.
Some people know for certain they won't have children and some people know it's what they want. That's cool too.

Can't we all just love each other?

Hippy!! :pac:

La.de.da

I don't want children. As a 30 something female some people think it's weird.
I have my reasons. It's just not for me.

AtomicHorror

A Dub in Glasgo wrote: »

You see the problem with this line of thinking is that you do not know if you want them or not. Once you have in a loving relationship, your view will change... I will guarantee that

I'm a parent, and happy to be one, but I call BS on this. I know plenty of couple who have loving relationships- really great ones- and no interest in having children.

I don't see anything wrong with that, and I don't subscribe to the notion that wanting children is some natural and inevitable outcome of having the "right" relationship, or worse that this feeling should be used as a barometer for whether the relationship is "right".

andekwarhola

Jamir Dead Fishing wrote: »

Have we not had several threads on this already?

That's unfair and inaccurate.



It's actually several thousand threads.

mikehunts

I start crying when I hear Cher singing If I could turn back time.

AtomicHorror

La.de.da wrote: »

I don't want children. As a 30 something female some people think it's weird.
I have my reasons. It's just not for me.

Good for you. It's not weird and anyone who tells you otherwise is probably worried they'll have to watch you continue to be happy and childfree.

John_Rambo

mikehunts wrote: »

I start crying when I hear Cher singing If I could turn back time.

Do you believe the children are the future?

A Dub in Glasgo

AtomicHorror wrote: »

I'm a parent, and happy to be one, but I call BS on this. I know plenty of couple who have loving relationships- really great ones- and no interest in having children.

I don't see anything wrong with that, and I don't subscribe to the notion that wanting children is some natural and inevitable outcome of having the "right" relationship, or worse that this feeling should be used as a barometer for whether the relationship is "right".

You misunderstand, I am not saying everyone in a loving relationship will have kids, what I am saying if you have have kids in a loving relationship, you will not regret having them

A Dub in Glasgo

La.de.da wrote: »

I have my reasons.

What are they?

eviltwin

A Dub in Glasgo wrote: »

You misunderstand, I am not saying everyone in a loving relationship will have kids, what I am saying is that you have have kids in a loving relationship, you will not regret having them

Wrong!

A Dub in Glasgo

eviltwin wrote: »

Wrong!

Really? why?

I do sometimes get sad at the thought of waking some day in the future being full of maternal desire only to find that it's not possible.
I get sad sometimes that I don't have a partner who would want to share all of life and being a parent along with me.

Then I give myself a good shake and stop being maudlin

FlowerPower1

Love love my daughter with all my heart, she brightens up my life no end. She's so funny and the sunshine of my life. Each to their own, I understand why people want and don't want children but I hate when people go on and on and on and on about the individual decision you've made. It's like anything really.

eviltwin

A Dub in Glasgo wrote: »

Really? why?

There is plenty of testimony from people who had children they didn't want. It's a myth that you fall in love with your kids the moment they are born. Some people just aren't meant to be parents.

wakka12

Not sure yet, wouldnt be disappointed if I didnt have them but I couldn't help but feel like I missed out in some way. If I have any children though I want to have 3, its either 3 or else none.

Liberosis

A Dub in Glasgo wrote: »

You see the problem with this line of thinking is that you do not know if you want them or not. Once you have in a loving relationship, your view will change... I will guarantee that

I accept that my view could well likely change. In fact, when I say I don't want kids, I am pretty much referring to my current situation. I don't want them right now, and I guess that that view is more or less shaped by my life at the moment. I'm still young and not in, nor have I ever been in a "loving relationship". So no doubt my view may change, but it may also stay the same.

A Dub in Glasgo

eviltwin wrote: »

There is plenty of testimony from people who had children they didn't want. It's a myth that you fall in love with your kids the moment they are born. Some people just aren't meant to be parents.

so this is 2nd hand info or do you have 1st hand experience of this?

FlowerPower1

wakka12 wrote: »

Not sure yet, wouldnt be disappointed if I didnt have them but I couldn't help but feel like I missed out in some way. If I have any children though I want to have 3, its either 3 or else none.

I'm the same. I already have one child with another on the way. I would like to have another child after this pregnancy. 3 is a great number. Here's hoping.

AtomicHorror

A Dub in Glasgo wrote: »

You misunderstand, I am not saying everyone in a loving relationship will have kids, what I am saying if you have have kids in a loving relationship, you will not regret having them

I don't really agree with that either- I think a loving relationship can easily result in unwanted children and regret.

What I do think is probably true is that a good, loving relationship will help to bring your feelings on the issue into sharper focus. You'll probably have a much better idea whether you do or do not want children than you would if you were single.

eviltwin

A Dub in Glasgo wrote: »

so this is 2nd hand info or do you have 1st hand experience of this?

I haven't personally experienced it but in the course of my job I have worked with people who have but just haven't been able to be open about it.

AtomicHorror

A Dub in Glasgo wrote: »

La.de.da wrote: »

I don't want children. As a 30 something female some people think it's weird.
I have my reasons.

What are they?

They're her reasons. It's not necessary for us to know what they are for them to be valid.

La.de.da

A Dub in Glasgo wrote: »

What are they?

Firstly health. I have ongoing health issues that can floor me for weeks at a time. Not fair on a child to see or put up with and unfair on family to have to step in.

My monetary situation too would play a part.

A Dub in Glasgo

AtomicHorror wrote: »

They're her reasons. It's not necessary for us to know what they are for them to be valid.

Of course, if someone does not to discuss then fine.. it is also valid to ask

AtomicHorror

Deleted User wrote: »

I agree with this.
I might have babies and I might not. You have a little person. That's cool.
Some people know for certain they won't have children and some people know it's what they want. That's cool too.

Can't we all just love each other?

The civility in this thread so far is unnerving.

Yes, yes we can all love each other, apparently.

I don't know how or why, but here we are, on After Hours, having a discussion in which other people's viewpoints are not making people angry. I can't explain it.