If you became dictator of Ireland, what new laws would you make compulsory?

feargale

What laws would I make compulsory? All laws - that's what laws are for, though I might be tempted to make them non-compusory where I myself was concerned.

sdanseo

Keep left unless overtaking. On pain of a decade-long driving ban.

Letree

4 day working week.

maudgonner

As a commemoration of the Easter Rising, sail a replica of the gunboat Helga up the Liffey and shell O'Connell Street. It needs a bit of renovation, so no harm to start with demolition combined with historical re-enactment.

Then shell the other side of the river and raze Temple Bar to the ground. (If a few stray shells overshoot and hit the corpo offices it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world either)

jones 19

Ban on the word Hon, as in Hon the rebels ! Ect. Tracksuits only worn by sports people.stupid Tattoos shall be blow torched off. Parents of fat kids should be whipped by their own fat kids.

jones 19

SPIN FM will be outlawed. Music shall replace Irish in schools.

Young Blood

The passing of the economic crimes act where politicians who failed to govern during the financial crisis are arrested and executed.

pogiefallon

Instead of prison for people who burgle houses and mug elderly they should be repeatedly beaten to within an inch of their life for 2weeks by the people who's houses they have burgled or their relatives

Capt'n Midnight

Ineligible people who park in disabled places will be made eligible.

Not that one

Law 1. Any person who writes in full-on text speak, or refuses to include full stops, commas or paragraphs in text messagrs must walk around with the laces of their shoes tied together so they can be easily identified.
Law 2. Anyone who does the phlegmy cough and swallow routine within 10m of another citizen must drink 1 glass of lumpy sour milk. That should sort out the "i cant help it" brigade.

BuilderPlumber

I would tackle the following:

-Public liability insurance would be replaced with personal liability insurance.
-All obscene salaries for ordinary jobs such as consultants and heads of departments would go and the money distributed equally to the people.
-Compulsory 10 year sentences for robbery.
-Compulsory 20 year sentences for murder.
-Life sentences for terrorism and mass murder.
-The media should support all not just a few in the worlds of entertainment and sport. Boybands, Irish modern country music, Ruby Walsh and other people would receive a lot less support and the media would not be allowed force these on us.
-The number of TDs would be cut and the number of other politicians cut too.
-Working week would be reduced to 4 days with well paid hours.
-Price controls of ripoff merchants would be implemented.

feargale

Letree wrote: »

4 day working week.

Slave driver!

Alcoheda

1 Begin nuclear program immediately.
2 Force the population out of into the fields and create a peasant utopia.
3 Burn all the books and destroy all foreign ideas.
4 Antagonize and threaten all other nations of the world.
5 Commit suicide in my bunker when it all goes south.

Billy86

1. Increase minimum wage, introduce maximum wage caps even in the private sector.
2. Improve all transport and welfare services for everyone.
3. Get rid of water tax, lower VAT, lower taxes - except for the very wealthy, increase it for them.
4. Increase corporate tax significantly.











5. Build a giant, black electrical cloud around the island to crash planes with some hopefully rich people on them to replace our recently departed wealthy residents.
6. Offset the multinationals leaving the country in droves over corporate taxes by doing that thing with the magic and ???? profit.
7. Organise mandatory collectives from every walk of life to plant and cultivate trees all over the country. Magic trees, with money for leaves.

storker

bottlebrush wrote: »

I'd outlaw the word 'like'

I was on the Dart once opposite a girl who was giving her companion an account of a conversation she'd had with a flatmate. Half an hour of it, never once using the words "says" or "said": "...I was like...and she was like...and I was like...and she was like...and I was like...and she was like...and I was like...and she was like...and I was like...and she was like...and..." Aaaaaaargh!!!!

Billy86

storker wrote: »

I was on the Dart once opposite a girl who was giving her companion an account of a conversation she'd had with a flatmate. Half an hour of it, never once using the words "says" or "said": "...I was like...and she was like...and I was like...and she was like...and I was like...and she was like...and I was like...and she was like...and I was like...and she was like...and..." Aaaaaaargh!!!!

Things in life I hate: people who insist on giving others the minutes to their conversations, proper grammar or not. Everyone knows at least one, where they've given you the first 3 exchanges of some pointless conversation they had, verbatim, and unless you derail them or simply just walk away mid sentence, they'll be going on for 15 minutes non stop... if you're lucky.

foggy_lad

storker wrote: »

I was on the Dart once opposite a girl who was giving her companion an account of a conversation she'd had with a flatmate. Half an hour of it, never once using the words "says" or "said": "...I was like...and she was like...and I was like...and she was like...and I was like...and she was like...and I was like...and she was like...and I was like...and she was like...and..." Aaaaaaargh!!!!

I would install a 48oz ball pein hammer in every dart carriage for exactly such occasions.

Punkyblip

In order to make him humble, I would issue a Directive that Ray Darcy must be shrunk to three feet tall and made stand in city centres around the country, begging for money by reading erotic literature whilst on a permanent supply of helium gas.

Smidge

Gulag detention for the owners of high horses.
50 lashes for people who make "tea" which is essentially milk with boiling water added.
The removal of thumbs for idiots who spend all day posting crap on FB.
And tar and feathering for the people who run their trolley into the back of you in the supermarket as you are taking something off a shelf/out of a freezer(Im stopped you idiot, go AROUND me instead of reading your damn phone)

BunkMoreland

No dogs or travellers or British.

bodice ripper

Licensing system for cyclists.
Grants for multiple cat ownership.
Religion out of all public funded projects.
Everyone moved out of Leitrim, a high wall built, and then I get to sit in there on my own whenever I feel like it.
Possession of any drug in personal use amounts decriminalised.
Fire the Luas drivers...out of a cannon into the sun.
Change the national anthem to Dearg Doom.
All counties getting wind turbines - shut the **** up you small minded nimby fools.

brandnewaward

those who wear their tracksuit bottoms tucked into their socks and those wear pj's to the dole office shall be loaded on a train to a specially constructed camp outside of galway called athenryswitz , with a sign over the gate saying " work for once ye ****s" , from there , either worked or shot....either or is a win....

brandnewaward

funny feeling a mod is going to take me out und shoot me.....

Jude13

30% flat rate tax for everyone on every cent.

Community work to receive the dole, 5 hours a day. Leaves time for interviews.

topmanamillion

Dissolve HSE, IW and all the other quangos I'll have a subcommittee of about 10 experts in various areas of public services and if they make a balls of it they'll lose their heads.
Every corrupt Banker/politician to walk the length of the country and receive one lash of a whip from every person their decisions effected.

Serjeant Buzfuz

A special forces hit squad to take out Yankees who refer to the Irish "Potato" famine

Into The Blue

Racism towards Dublin natives would carry a five year community service (in Dublin) penalty.

RayCon

Anybody attempting to bring a trolly of goods into the self service area of supermarkets will be immediately ejected from said supermarket and receive a lifetime ban.

blockfighter

Anyone who uses the bus lane to skip traffic gets banned from driving. Any garda who breaks traffic laws "just because he's a Garda" and not when there's an actual emergency gets jail. Cyclists who break traffic lights get banned from cycling

Punkyblip

Would make Constantin Gurdgiev my Minister for Finance.

blockfighter

Into The Blue wrote: »

Racism towards Dublin natives would carry a five year community service (in Dublin) penalty.

Repeal this law!

jeamimus

Flogging for anybody caught spitting in public.

Stocks for those wearing hats indoors, time doubled if its a baseball cap, and doubled again if its on backwards.

Shannon757

Into The Blue wrote: »

Racism towards Dublin natives would carry a five year community service (in Dublin) penalty.

Bloody Dubs.

gramar

Saying that you are a gaelgeoir = stoning.

Omackeral

Hard labour for any of the following people that;


1. Say 'would of' or 'should of'. It's would have or, for short, would've.

2. Call any British soccer team 'us' or 'we' having never been to see them in the flesh.

3. Put up Facebook statuses like ''Ugh, hate everyone'' only to be followed by the following exchange. ''What's wrong hun?''. ''Ah don't wanna talk about it on FB''. The person enabling them shall also be punished, as will anyone that likes the aforementioned status.

4. Make lists.

stefan.kuntz

Invade Germany, give them a taste of their own medicine.

storker

Punkyblip wrote: »

In order to make him humble, I would issue a Directive that Ray Darcy must be shrunk to three feet tall and made stand in city centres around the country, begging for money by reading erotic literature whilst on a permanent supply of helium gas.

Already done, no?

jeamimus

Ban those silly voices telling us to hold on on escalators for having such a low opinion of the intelligence of mein people....

storker

• All text and e-mail message must be properly punctuated with all words spelled correctly.
• All owners of "hard" dogs e.g. bull terriers to be shot. With their dogs.
• Drivers who tail-gate aggressively to be made to drive along a narrow restricted track with a speed limiter for 15mph fitted, and chased by a main battle tank at 20mph until....
• Driving ban for anyone who takes two parking spaces where one will do
• People with driveways to be forced to actually use them or have their cars impounded. For crying out loud.
• Politicians found guilty of corruption, cronyism or other wrongdoing to be placed in a pillory in College Green for pelting. Semi-rotten vegetables to be provided by the authorities for said purpose.Followed by a ban on ever holding any public office. And prison.
• A pair of Guards/soldiers on every bus/train for dealing with anti-social behaviour, followed by forced ejection of offenders at the next station/stop. Said guards to be armed with batons, cattle prods, tazers....feck it, Glocks.
• Lifetime irrevocable driving ban for anyone who kills someone throught dangerous/drunken/drugged driving. In addition to whatever custodial sentence is applied.
• I'll think of more...

maudgonner

Teachers will be made work at least 9.00-5.30, with 21 days holidays a year. (The kids can keep the hours and holidays they have now, I'm not a monster!)

I know you keep telling us about all the extra work you have to do - marking and lesson plans. Well, stay in the school until half five and do the work there. When the kids are on summer holidays you can teach foreign language students, adult education or run summer camps. No extra payments for supervising or marking the Leaving/Junior cert. No closing the schools for elections, or if they have to be closed then the teachers can work as polling officers. All in-service days and training courses to be done while the kids are on holidays.

RWCNT

maudgonner wrote: »

Teachers will be made work at least 9.00-5.30, with 21 days holidays a year. (The kids can keep the hours and holidays they have now, I'm not a monster!)

I know you keep telling us about all the extra work you have to do - marking and lesson plans. Well, stay in the school until half five and do the work there. When the kids are on summer holidays you can teach foreign language students, adult education or run summer camps. No extra payments for supervising or marking the Leaving/Junior cert. No closing the schools for elections, or if they have to be closed then the teachers can work as polling officers. All in-service days and training courses to be done while the kids are on holidays.

I'd ban people with weirdo views like this from voting. Although I'd be a dictator...so f*ck it, to the gulags with you it is or I'll have you mark schoolwork for 23 hours a day for free.

maudgonner

RWCNT wrote: »

I'd ban people with weirdo views like this from voting. Although I'd be a dictator...so f*ck it, to the gulags with you it is or I'll have you mark schoolwork for 23 hours a day for free.

Shouldn't you be teaching a class now? :pac:

Duggy747

If a thread or discussion online is about something like puppies or "what's funny to you" and you think you're smart with something like "How the bankers got away / Irish Water" then you'll be publicly flogged to within an inch of your life.

Once you're healed you'll then be forced to live in the bag area of a Bus Eireann bus where your sole job everyday is to say at stops: "Stand clear, luggage doors opa-rating!"

If you don't say "operating" correctly in that rural twang then you'll be flogged some more.

storker

Duggy747 wrote: »

If you don't say "operating" correctly in that rural twang then you'll be flogged some more.

"Opper-RAYting"

mahoganygas

1. Alcohol Tax - your first drink of the night is dirt cheap. But every subsequent drink is taxed higher and higher. Want to drink yourself into a stupor? It's going to cost you.

2. Teach kids how to cook healthy meals in school.

3. Teach kids how to understand taxes on a payslip.

Knex*

I'd make it public obligation to kick anyone in the hole, who doesn't acknowledge basic acts of kindness, such as holding a door open for them.

Drivers who don't salute you for letting them out, or pass by, etc, will be banned for 6 months, and receive four penalty points upon their return.

Pants that stop above, or are tucked into, your exposed white socks will result in community service. This will remain true for scumbags and nerds alike.

cowboyBuilder

Iwasfrozen wrote: »

1. Huge cuts to social welfare.
2. Cuts to tax across the board especially corporation tax.
3. A focus on STEM subjects in our education system.
4. Third level education to be funded by student loans.
5. The removal of Irish as a compulsory subject and the removal of all government spenditure on Irish language quangos.
6. Lower the overall number of civil servents, cut their wages and refuse to recognize unions.
7. The construction of large scale US style prisons to solve the problem of overcrowding and much harsher sentences on career criminals.
8. Dole recipients to work in their community in exchange for their dole.
9. Dole to be replaced by a credit card that can't be used to purchase alcohol, cigarettes or gambling.
10. Capital punishment to be brought back in for paramilitaries by means of lethal injection. After their bodies are to be cremated and ashes scattered to leave no graves.

That's good for now, you're welcome Ireland.

When can I vote for you ??

such a shame this is a joke, some of the above would make Ireland a great country ..

Squeeonline

Ban TV licence - and if we can't force RTE to be self sufficient, the money comes from central taxation rather than a flat tax that targets the poorest the most.

More community patrols/officers. Littering/not cleaning up after dogs/spitting/etc punishable by 20 hours of community service per infringement.

Prisoners convicted of possession who have a drug problem, should be released into drug treatment programmes. They are sick, and crime is frequently a symptom of their addiction.

Give all homeless people properties from NAMA (expanding to later to long term unemployed). They'll get an allowance to fix up and manage the properties, and get to keep any profits from the sale when prices are better.

Immediate repeal of the 8th amendment and have it written in law that if people consider themselves pro-life/anti-choice they are free to never have an abortion.

Religion will become a wholly private only affair. It can be taught in schools from a non-christian perspective (like in the UK), but maybe not as a whole class by itself.

RWCNT

maudgonner wrote: »

Shouldn't you be teaching a class now? :pac:

Not a teacher. Just not one of these with a bizarre, inexplicable hatred of them.

ancapailldorcha

It will be illegal not to beat anyone to death who uses their phone in the cinema for any use other than airplane mode or switching off. Also, all mobile phones will require licences with passing an exam on etiquette a prerequisite.

Tax breaks and vet coupons for cat owners.

Not so much as a single penny spent on Irish. The parasites will have to fend for themselves.

More investment on infrastructure and less spending public sector unions and such. Increased privatisation.

Burglary and mugging will be punishable by forced competition in a Battle Royale style tournament. The winner will be allowed to rejoin society. In Cork.

Cork, and possibly Kerry will be amputated and set adrift.