Lost my mam yesterday

chooey

As the title says, yesterday I was woken up with a phonecall to say that I needed to get to my mothers house ASAP as she was found unconscious. I got there as the ambulance men were taking her away and when we arrived at the hospital we were taken to the little room and we knew she was gone. I'm devastated- she was my best friend, my support, always had my back. It was a big birthday for her this month and she had so many surprises planned and she was looking forward to everything. What makes it worse is I'm 10 weeks pregnant and I was going to tell her tomorrow on Mother's Day and now I will never get that chance and I'm so worried I'll miscarry with all the stress. I just feel empty. Thanks for listening

milehip

Really sad for you reading that.Hope you have good people around you to support you.

Geminijosa

May she rest in peace. I Couldn't even begin to imagine what you are going through..But please take care of yourself. Your mam would want you to grieve for her but to mind yourself and that little baby I'm sure x

chooey

Thank you so much for your replies. It's amazing the comfort that kind words, even from strangers, can bring. I do have good support and we're a close family but it's tearing us all apart. My mam was the glue that kept us all together. My dad will be lost without her. She did everything for him. I've always dreaded this day and I can't believe it's actually happened.

PTH2009

My man died in Jan 2014 after a short illness which we didn't think wud be fatal (burst stomach ulcer) and my sister was 7 months pregnant at the time and having the first grandchild of the family and my mam was so excited as she loved kids. Sorry to hear about ur loss and wish u and ur family the best

La.de.da

Truly sorry for your loss OP. May your mam rest peacefully.

I hope you find the strength you need xx

Atlantic Dawn

Sorry to hear of your loss. I lost a parent a couple of years back and nothing in life ever prepared me for the emptiness and feeling of total loss. In the days after the funeral I tried to seclude myself from everyone for a time to reflect on what had happened, this made things worse and left me with more questions than answers. My main advice to you would be try to imerse yourself in your friends and family over these difficult times, remember your mother in the good times and try to share those stories with everyone. Best of luck to you.

weldoninhio

chooey wrote: »

As the title says, yesterday I was woken up with a phonecall to say that I needed to get to my mothers house ASAP as she was found unconscious. I got there as the ambulance men were taking her away and when we arrived at the hospital we were taken to the little room and we knew she was gone. I'm devastated- she was my best friend, my support, always had my back. It was a big birthday for her this month and she had so many surprises planned and she was looking forward to everything. What makes it worse is I'm 10 weeks pregnant and I was going to tell her tomorrow on Mother's Day and now I will never get that chance and I'm so worried I'll miscarry with all the stress. I just feel empty. Thanks for listening

Sorry for your loss chooey. Bereavement means you can't see her any more, but love means that she is always with you. In your memories, your heart and looking over you.

mansize

Ah devastated to hear this,but she will always be in your heart and your thoughts

Pseudorandom

I know this sounds awful, but the funeral for a person you love can be so lovely because all your relatives and their friends come out and tell the great stories that you'd never have heard of as the child of someone. It never makes up for the loss, but it was such a good experience for me when my dad died to hear all these amazing funny and heartfelt stories about him. It's a real shame we have no outlet to do it when they're alive really.

chooey

Thanks everyone. Your words mean a lot. I'm going to try and see people and keep busy. It's just awful when I sit still. Wish I could fast forward a week

Lisha

I'm so so sorry for your loss chooey.
Try and mind yourself and the baby as best as you can.
Best wishes to you

CaraMay

I'm so sorry to hear your sad news. I can't imagine how hard it is. I got pregnant a month after my only sibling died and it would have been the only nephew. I don't think I managed my stress well during the pregnant so please go see your gp as soon as you can. Thinking of you X

minikin

Sorry for your loss chooey, I wouldn't be surprised if your mother had an idea that you were expecting but was waiting for you to say it - you know mammies and their instincts.

fryup

You got to be strong for your child, and i'm sure that when your child is born he/she will be of great comfort for you

chooey

Thanks everyone. Another day over without her. It's just so hard. Reading things that people have been saying about her has been upsetting but so lovely at the same time as everyone loved her. She was so outgoing- we absolutely adored her and everyone knew her. The world is a much quieter place.

Talula123

Im so sorry for your loss. I hope you're holding up as much as you can. Can't even begin to imagine what you must be going through, stay strong for the sake of your little one. My thoughts are with you xxx

jacksie66

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PippaChic

Chooey, I am so sorry to read about your mum. I hope you are ok.

11 years ago, I lost my dad followed by my mum 4 weeks later - my two best friends gone in one swoop. I felt mum was like my twin, we always thought about the same stuff at the same time - I wondered how I'd manage.

I talk to them all the time when I'm alone and I feel they're nearby. I talk about them all the time with my children, my eldest was 4 when they died and he vaguely remembers them, but the other two don't. My girls love when I tell them they resemble my mum in some way, or my son says something the same way my dad would have.

And chooey, there's been a few occasions when I've had problems and begged them to help me - and I feel they did!

I wish you the best in your pregnancy, I hope you will feel as if your mum is with you and you find comfort.

chooey

Gosh Pippa, I cannot imagine losing both of your parents in such a short time. We had the removal and funeral this week and it's all been a daze. Turning the corner towards the church when we were following the hearse keeps replaying in my mind- the church bells ringing, all the people standing outside...it still feels that I'm just observing this happening someone else. I miss her so much it hurts, I miss talking to her, phoning her, getting funny messages on fb from her. Life will never be the same and it sucks. It's just not enjoyable anymore.

Galwayguy35

chooey wrote: »

Gosh Pippa, I cannot imagine losing both of your parents in such a short time. We had the removal and funeral this week and it's all been a daze. Turning the corner towards the church when we were following the hearse keeps replaying in my mind- the church bells ringing, all the people standing outside...it still feels that I'm just observing this happening someone else. I miss her so much it hurts, I miss talking to her, phoning her, getting funny messages on fb from her. Life will never be the same and it sucks. It's just not enjoyable anymore.

Sorry for your loss, I know what it's like to lose a parent suddenly it's an awful shock and it will take a long time to get your head around what has happened.

Hopefully you have friends and family around you at this difficult time to help you through the grieving process.

chooey

Thanks Galwayguy. Thankfully I do have a great family and friends. It's just so hard at the moment and we're so concerned about dad.
Did the same thing happen you? Do you ever feel normal again?

wush06

I feel your pain I lost my mum and dad while I was at such a young age still heartbroken to this day. They say time heals pain I think you just learn to adopt it.

ger vallely

So sorry to read of your loss Chooey. My dad died suddenly just over 10 years ago ( still seems like only last month). My nam died after a long and slow illness just two years ago. You are probably still in such a fog now. Time does take away that raw feeling. Though grief will still strike at the strangest of times. I remember after dad's sudden passing, wondering why this wasn't national news, why strangers on the street were not affected. My world was torn apart and other people were buying take away coffee. But, that is it, life carries on and your mam would not have it any other way. Especially now that you are carrying a brand new life inside you. Please make sure you talk loads about your mam and allow yourself the time to grieve. It is a long, long process. Never ending to be honest but like I said the intensity of the grief changes, the terrible rawness does leave and you can begin to smile at the happy memories. My thoughts are with you. So sorry.

Galwayguy35

chooey wrote: »

Thanks Galwayguy. Thankfully I do have a great family and friends. It's just so hard at the moment and we're so concerned about dad.
Did the same thing happen you? Do you ever feel normal again?

Yes my mother also died suddenly from a heart attack, we had lost my father before that but while it was also very difficult we knew what was coming because he had cancer.

For the first few months afterwards it's definitely the worst adjusting to what has happened but while a day never passes that I don't think about them as the years passed it gets a bit easier.

secman

I too have lost my parents. .. but have gained 2 angels ... it helps ... you will always speak to them ... not all the time but when you need to and sometimes when you least expect to.

chooey

I'm sorry to hear of everyone's losses. Life can be so cruel. I think it is the suddenness of it all that is the hard thing to take in. She was in such good form the day before it happened and that is so hard to get my head around.

Speedwell

Chooey, that is definitely a factor. My mother died after a long, long struggle with cancer. We did most of our grieving before she died, to be truthful. Not that we weren't sad when she did pass.

I can tell you though, that as long as she lay dying, her only thoughts were for us. I'm sure it would have been the same with your mother. Her love and memories survive in you.

CaraMay

chooey wrote: »

I'm sorry to hear of everyone's losses. Life can be so cruel. I think it is the suddenness of it all that is the hard thing to take in. She was in such good form the day before it happened and that is so hard to get my head around.

I lost my sibling suddenly and it easier for them but not for those left behind. I don't think any of us would want them to suffer just so we would get to say goodbye. That was a source of comfort to me.

chooey

No I definitely wouldn't want her to suffer and I really hope that she felt nothing at all when she passed. I would hate for her to have felt even a seconds pain or fear. It is definitely far easier for the person who has passed- it's so difficult and painful for the rest of us.

CaraMay

chooey wrote: »

No I definitely wouldn't want her to suffer and I really hope that she felt nothing at all when she passed. I would hate for her to have felt even a seconds pain or fear. It is definitely far easier for the person who has passed- it's so difficult and painful for the rest of us.

Yeah exactly and that alone really helped me.