Girlfriend is obsessed with junk food

woodchuck

It's still unclear to me if she's overweight, but of course her eating sounds unhealthy. If she's sensitive about her belly, it's up to HER to do something about it. IF she decides to eat more healthily, this could be nurtured and encouraged by the OP, but the decision to change has to come from her first.

Emme

kunst nugget wrote: »

He's come here asking for help in helping her without looking like a control freak but ends up being called a control freak for daring to want to help his girlfriend lose the weight she is sensitive about. If he really had a controlling personality, I sincerely doubt he'd be coming on to the Personal Issues forum looking for tips.

He comes across as a control freak because he doesn't want to buy food for his GF that he isn't eating himself. He is on a health kick (good for him) and this seems to have made him hypersensitive to his GF's eating habits.

This indicates to me that his GF might not have eaten like this before she moved in with him. Surely they would have gone out for food together before she moved in and she would have eaten a dessert in front of him. If so did that gross him out?

Ironically the guy who dumped me for being bulimic used to eat pizza, chips and ice-cream and that grossed me out. I chose to ignore it and never said anything to him about it. It was up to him what he ate.

Her craving for junk food is definitely cause for concern. Eating disorders get worse under stress. I'm not saying he is stressing her out but he's not helping her at the moment.

m-a-i-

HI OP

I get where you are coming from and although probably not having chose the words correctly (worry can do that ) I think your heart is in the right place
I'd echo a lot of what people are asking in that is she eating regular meals?

I'm an emotional eater.. the first thing I crave when I'm not well or sad or happy is chocolate... I wonder.. is she stressed or down? What struck me to this was that she might finish a tub of ice cream really quickly. Sounds to me that she is not enjoying the food more the feeling of having a sugar high or a fix.
Maybe instead of talking to her about her eating habits see if everything else is ok.. ask her how her day was, does she want to do something.. is she ok? etc.. you get the gist

Best of luck OP

Keane2baMused

Emme makes some great points.

Also for someone with an eating disorder almost every comment, no matter how helpful you think it is, will pretty much be misconstrued and twisted into that you're telling them they are fat slobs.

And that is not the fault of the person with disordered eating (nor their families or friends, so long as they don't play a part in how the person is feeling).

Imagine looking in the mirror, being of normal weight but seeing a beached whale staring back. Some people react by eating more, binging and possibly purging. And some cut calories, often to a dangerous level.

Unfortunately people with bulimia OR binge eaters (without purging) may from time to time just seem like they have Man V Food tendencies and it's not taken as seriously as it should.

It's a very VERY hard battle to fight.

I would be interested to know what she is eating when the OP is out of sight if she eats that way in view of him. Many with disordered eating get to the point where they hide what they are doing out of embarrassment/shame.

kunst nugget

Emme wrote: »

He comes across as a control freak because he doesn't want to buy food for his GF that he isn't eating himself. He is on a health kick (good for him) and this seems to have made him hypersensitive to his GF's eating habits.

This indicates to me that his GF might not have eaten like this before she moved in with him. Surely they would have gone out for food together before she moved in and she would have eaten a dessert in front of him. If so did that gross him out?

Ironically the guy who dumped me for being bulimic used to eat pizza, chips and ice-cream and that grossed me out. I chose to ignore it and never said anything to him about it. It was up to him what he ate.

Her craving for junk food is definitely cause for concern. Eating disorders get worse under stress. I'm not saying he is stressing her out but he's not helping her at the moment.

Going to three different shops to find the strawberry ice cream she wanted and buying a strawberry frozen yoghurt instead hardly sounds like not buying the food his girlfriend wants. He said she gives out to him if he forgets to pick up some of the treats she wants.

Just on that point, if she wants to eat unhealthily why should he buy it for her? When I smoked, I never got my wife to buy me cigarettes.

Keane2baMused

kunst nugget wrote: »

Just on that point, if she wants to eat unhealthily why should he buy it for her? When I smoked, I never got my wife to buy me cigarettes.

That's just it. She may well not want to. It doesn't mean she can stop her impulses and she may feel embarrassed/ashamed getting it herself

kunst nugget

Keane2baMused wrote: »

That's just it. She may well not want to. It doesn't mean she can stop her impulses and she may feel embarrassed/ashamed getting it herself

Okay, so by that logic assuming she has an eating disorder (which we don't know), if he's buying unhealthy food is he not enabling her behaviour? Would you give a person with a drink problem more beer?

Emme

kunst nugget wrote: »

Going to three different shops to find the strawberry ice cream she wanted and buying a strawberry frozen yoghurt instead hardly sounds like not buying the food his girlfriend wants. He said she gives out to him if he forgets to pick up some of the treats she wants.

Just on that point, if she wants to eat unhealthily why should he buy it for her? When I smoked, I never got my wife to buy me cigarettes.

Fair enough. If a bf bought me strawberry frozen yoghurt I'd be delighted but I like it because it's a healthier choice than ice cream. Perhaps the GF felt he bought her frozen yogurt deliberately instead of the ice cream she craved.

She definitely has a problem and needs help. It's up to the OP if he chooses to stay with her and help her or gently break up with her.

Could she be craving junk food because she is pregnant? Does she crave junk food at certain times of the month and not others?

Augme

While you say you love her OP, it's only been 6 months so I'd seriously consider if you want to go down the path of therapy etc while dating her. Considering her alright horrible behaviour towards you and the fact it's only going to get worse, you need to have a serious think if you want to put yourself through hell for this relationship.

Ave Sodalis

I personally think there isn't much wrong with the examples the OP has posted so far. I mean, I've ate a big tub of Ben and Jerry's in one sitting. I wouldn't be particularly impressed if someone who had been harping on to me about my eating bought me frozen yogurt instead of ice cream. I mean, maybe the OP's girlfriend does have a problem (not that I'm convinced she does) but at the end of the day, I don't think the OP can do anything about it. Certainly not with the attitude he has displayed so far.

Keane2baMused

Augme wrote: »

While you say you love her OP, it's only been 6 months so I'd seriously consider if you want to go down the path of therapy etc while dating her. Considering her alright horrible behaviour towards you and the fact it's only going to get worse, you need to have a serious think if you want to put yourself through hell for this relationship.

I was less than 6 months with my OH when I spent time in an eating disorder clinic. For the right person this would not matter and they would not see it as any different than if you had some other (more socially acceptable) medical problem.

Any hell you think the OP could feel would pale in comparison to what his girlfriend is going through should she actually have an ED.

If you love someone you don't walk away for something they cannot help or control without proper treatment. Or maybe you do.

bluetomato

It's very possible she's just craving junk food because junk food by its very nature is addictive and habit forming...so if you get used to sitting down eating junk watching tv then you'll crave it all the time in that situation, there isn't always underlying issues causing people to binge.

Emme

Keane2baMused wrote: »

If you love someone you don't walk away for something they cannot help or control without proper treatment. Or maybe you do.

If he doesn't love her and isn't willing to work through this with her they should break up now.

strandroad

What age are you both? Did she have the opportunity to be part of a proper household as an adult already?
At 25 I would eat a whole pizza in one go, at 35 I would never do it. People grow up, perhaps she hasn't yet.
How is her eating/cooking apart from the sweets?

Ruby31

Emme wrote: »

Fair enough. If a bf bought me strawberry frozen yoghurt I'd be delighted but I like it because it's a healthier choice than ice cream. Perhaps the GF felt he bought her frozen yogurt deliberately instead of the ice cream she craved.

My thoughts exactly. Every shop I've been in has a variety of icecream. I'd have more trouble finding frozen yogurt to be honest.

PressRun

sup_dude wrote: »

I personally think there isn't much wrong with the examples the OP has posted so far. I mean, I've ate a big tub of Ben and Jerry's in one sitting. I wouldn't be particularly impressed if someone who had been harping on to me about my eating bought me frozen yogurt instead of ice cream. I mean, maybe the OP's girlfriend does have a problem (not that I'm convinced she does) but at the end of the day, I don't think the OP can do anything about it. Certainly not with the attitude he has displayed so far.

This is what I'm thinking. Does she really have a problem, like people are suggesting? Almost everyone I know is guilty of devouring some ice cream or cake. It's comfort food and plenty of people regularly over indulge. Not all of those people have eating disorders.

The OP says she's not fat, but she's not skinny and is self conscious about her belly. How many women could be characterized by that sentence? Sounds quite typical for plenty of women.

If the OP's girlfriend wants to change her eating habits, then that's up to her, but I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that she has a deep-rooted eating disorder. Does she go too far with comfort food? Maybe. So do a lot of people. You'd be surprised by the amount of people who over-do it with food the OP doesn't "condone".

Lau2976

IMHO OP unless she wants to do something about this "issue" then she'll just resent you for making her feel bad about herself and in all honesty I can't blame her. Your health kick is good for you. Because you chose to do it. How would you have felt if you asked her to pick you up smokes and she brought you home gum instead.

You need to ask yourself whether or not her diet is enough to break you's up. If it is maybe it's best you leave the relationship.

I had a very similar issue not too long ago with my bf. I'm vegan, he's not. I had to decide whether I could live with him eating meat or whether my moral disagreement was enough to break us up. It's a hard choice but I'm in love with him, veganism is a big part of my life and unlike healthy eating I'm morally repulsed by meat eating and see it as bad as murder, but I chose to stay with him because I can't dictate his diet and I'm not going to resent him for something that I understand is his choice.

If something as simple as disagreeing with her eating junk food rocks the boat this much I think you need to ask yourself serious questions about disagreeing on larger things in the future.

JustAThought

I find this both hilarious and disturbing - they had a row over icecream versus sorbet , he is on a big health buzz but now she has an inrernet diagnosed eating disorder??? Madness! Sounds like the OP has a big health buzz going on, fair play to him, and might be feeling the edge a bit as he is also now off smokes ( fair play to him) and is exercising a lot - great - all fads & healthy & his (good ) choices. But it aounds like a lot of sudden health folk who take it upon themselves to criticise & despise people who don't have the same goals or outlooks as themselves. This dosn't mean she is mentally ill or damaged - it just means she enjoys her food and treats and isn't as into an absolutist health lifestyle as the OP wants her to be. No doubt he is feeling fantastic & can see how she could be slimmer if she also did what he does but she isn't on the same health buzz & dosn't want to be. I would suggest the OP respect this & stop obsessing over what she looks like & what she is enjoying in life & the little treats or food behaviours she enjoys - it is the type of boyfriend criticism & controlling that is very negative & can lead to him being reaponsible for starting her on a food disorder. We've all known thosee stories of how constant criticism & disapproval starts problems - let the OP enjoy his health & new body & food choices & leave the woman he loves in peace to enjoy hers too without judging, nagging or nitpicking her.

silverbolt

maggiepip wrote: »

. I don't miss it now, and not only that but my whole appetite has decreased as sugar grows the bad bacteria responsible for making you crave all sorts of junk food.
.

Really?

I never knew that. I dont take sugar either and eat very little junk/sweets so thats an interesting tip.

magneticimpulse

The op seems to be nit picking and trying to control someone. Where do you draw the line? The girl has every right to eat whatever she likes - shes not a child and a grown person.
Its her body and her choice not yours.

dudara

Posters - the OP has not posted here in 17 days. I don't think there's much more we can add unless they return with an update.

dudara

Lavinia

Bullying someone into change never worked and never will.
Would you eat what she does if she would be pushing you and how would that make you feel?

If she is happy the way she is I think you should look into yourself and see why you have the issues with her choice of diet whatever it is.

Are you jealous of her eating whatever she wants? Are you punishing her because the discipline you are forcing on yourself is too much for you?

To be honest if you are happy with your lifestyle then simply be happy, thing is she would much sooner catch your drift that way than by you acting like a bully to her.

Lavinia

apologies @dudara I saw your post just after I have published mine, I hope you accept.