daughter not allowed attend any parties.

LegacyUser

Hey all,

Unsure for what reason exactly I'm posting this. I know myself the next step I'm going to have to take, but then there's a 0.0005% part of me that still thinks maybe there's another way to approach this issue. Perhaps someone has some idea or recommendation? Or perhaps the 'mother' I'm referring to reads this, and see's some further posts/responses, and wakes up to what she's doing.. Sure I'll give anything a shot. I know she's on boards, although I doubt she would be on any parenting forum

Basic situ - I'm the father of a 3yr old girl. I have been very much her primary carer since birth, and got court appointed Joint Custody, Guardianship, along with primary care and responsibility for her back when she was approx. 6months old. Current court ordered access arrangement is her mother has her Thursday evening to Sunday evening.

(Very minor aside issue, realistically, her mother does not accept our daughter until Friday evening, as she does not want to pay childcare. She has actually refused to answer her door twice, leaving our daughter outside knocking when I attempted to comply with the court order and hand her over on time). This means her mother has absolute minimal expenses (she has in the past refused to spend 3euro on sachets of dyoralite, recommended by a doctor, forcing me to either provide or drop our daughter up knowing she will not receive same).

Her mother is in a well paid, full time permanent job.
I quit work when our daughter was born to raise her 7nights/week, and now she is 3, am looking at returning to work. So currently, I receive One Parent.

So, the issue - Her mother has our daughter 4 out of every 5 weekends, and all birthday parties and events fall on weekends. As a result, this 3yr old girl has never once been allowed attend a party, birthday or otherwise, family or friends. And by family, I mean family on both my side and her side. She is very much estranged from her family. Our daughter still talks about her own (weekday) party 3months after - so she is missing out big time.

Her mother is now demanding 35euro/week from me in exchange for allowing our daughter attend weekend family parties. 35euro EVERY WEEK, not on each occasion.

Our daughter needs more social interaction anyway with other kids. I spend 50euro each week from my one parent just to give her 3 half days in crèche and a chance to play with other kids as much as possible. If I have a spare tenner at the end of the week, I'll put her in for another hour or two. I have explained this in detail to her mother, but she's not interested in 'spending her own money' - actual quote. So our daughter is missing out big time on parties with any of her 8 cousins, and all my friends kids (all of similar age) at a very important developmental age.

I've added our latest txt convo for an idea - (Suffice to say similar issues and behaviours have been going on quite regularly over the past 3yrs, and I could probably write a trilogy at this stage).

ME:
You do realise that by turning down my offer of additional time, you are now demanding money in exchange for allowing Name attend important events in her life? Occasions that by being excluded from, as you threaten, will harm her social development, along with I imagine her overall development. Events that she very much enjoys and talks about a long time afterwards?

MOTHER:
Then you had be sure to have 35 on Friday.

ME:
...Or you will harm Name's social development, and deny her parties, good times and memories?

MOTHER:
That's your decision, not mine.

ME:
That is disgusting. I have never given in to any of your threats before, and I never will. Name comes first with me, and I am not giving you a cent. I don't want a reply.

MOTHER:
Yeah, your decision is disgusting, but it matches the rest of you, now **** off and stop txting me.

Speedwell

Anon, that is outrageous. You need a fair third party to examine the situation and understand why the mother is acting this way. I hope you've been keeping all your correspondence with her about this issue, or as much as you can. I had a friend and coworker in America whose daughter was being excluded from family events on weekends and summer weeks with the other parent, not bought clothing or proper food, and being left alone while the other parent went out (of course, the daughter was ten, not three). My friend eventually worked it out with the daughter and a therapist, because the daughter was acting out and trying desperately to please the other parent by mistreating the primary parent. Eventually my friend had to, as they say where I'm from, "lawyer up" and request the child protective services look into the other parent's habits and home life. I'm glad to report that by the time the daughter was fourteen, she was more inclined to know which side of the bread the butter was on.

Koptain Liverpool

What a bitch she sounds like.

Firstly you should keep evidence of all your conversations on this matter - this could prove useful if you apply for full custody further down the road (which it sounds like you should as the mother's behavior is bordering on neglect.

I would actively encourage her to read this thread. It could prove a wake-up call for her, but probably not.

I would make sure to inform all her friends and family about her behavior and her attempt to blackmail you.

No matter what don't give into her blackmail as this will only set a precedent.

Stand up to her as much as you can.

jennyhayes123

What a disgraceful excuse for a mother.
I've seen it so many times women using kids against there father's and it's wrong on so many levels.
If there is a party on would she let you collect your little girl and bring her
I'm so sad and angry for your little girl
Shame on that woman

Mongfinder General

Ignore your ex. Get as much done with your daughter while you have her in your care. Asking your ex to assist in your daughter's development is being interpreted as you asking your ex for help. It's a tough call but your ex has issues

Kristopherus

Go back to the court and have the financial arrangements varied. The mother is the primary earner so should carry most of the incidental expenses, imo.Who's going to pay School expenses/Whats going to happen if/when the child makes Communion in a few year's time, which is the first of the big expensive occasions in a child's life.

Into The Blue

Short term, throw your daughter a party mid week. Any excuse will do.

Long term, show your texts to a solicitor and apply to have access changed to alternating weekends.

Neyite

Mod:

OP, we don't allow posters to post in order to take pot-shots at another boards user, and you've admitted you hope she reads this, which means we have to close this thread.

I'm sympathetic to your situation but, I can only advise you to take legal advice, and hope that you get some resolution.

All the best.